Well this is awkward.
Yo Bobbie, what’s going on Jace? Guess we gotta team this week, even though the smart little n00b inside Conor Fuse says he should hold back. Why risk injury when the following week is HUGE.
Godson – Fuse, Round II.
Biggest television match in the HISTORY OF WRESTLING.
But I will give you guy (Jace) and you girl (Nettie) Conor Fuse’s best effort. Be warned, I’m 0-64 in tag team matches. I understand if I joined “tHe dArK SiDe” I’d be 64-0. Whatever. The fucking Best Alliance has MOAR reboots than Spiderman movies, even tho they’re more like the Fantastic 4.
Boring. Ass. Cinema.
Not meeeeee. I’m fresh; I’m revived! I’ve given up video games. So Nettie, Jace, we should put aside our differences. Bobbie, who cares if I made ya bleed all over the ring. Let’s be real, you dreamt of being on your period anyway. You literally told me this. Also, you deserved to be opened up for trying to get in the way of Jatt and I’s friendship. I deserved our fallout, no doubt. To think I needed to beat you as proof I could ever defeat Mike. Kinda silly.
Jace, buddy, I’m long over our rivalry. I thought we put this to bed a while ago, no? I cheered ya on versus Mike, I thought you had the win in your back pocket. You’re nobody’s secondary champion. I respect what you give to this industry and I take it as a compliment when others compare myself to JPD.
Peeps, I think we got a good shot this week.
Of course, what the fuck do I know?
— — — — —
This “no video game shit” is going rather well! Last week I was contemplating throwing in the towel and giving into my addictions, it’s a demoralizing experience when you lose to Mike. However, after pounding three fuckers heads into the ground and pinning the #2 !RANKED guy in High Octane, Steve Solex, I’m staying on track. No relapse.
Boy, Solex had a lot of promo bullshit to say about Conor Fuse. Glad he backed it up.
For the record I…
-Never said losing to Mike was a good thing.
-Wasn’t proud of being one second away from winning.
-Well aware I need to get better.
Consider these points above as a warning to Dan, Jatt and Mr. ALL CAPS. I can be better every, single, fucking, day. And I will. From the joke of a wrestler I was when I stepped into the HOW doors, to winning two World Titles, to seeking redemption on Christopher America (I did pin him at WarGames)…
To my current goal: reclaim my right. The top guy in this promotion.
The little engine that could, I fucking know I can. And I ain’t backing down from The Best Alliance. All the odds in the world against Conor Fuse, you’re never gonna catch me off guard. I digress, I say that phrase a lot. I gotta get to the point more frequently (then again, 3,000+ words outta my mouth is a nice landing spot).
Anyway, I’m in my boring apartment building, with all my games and fun shit placed in storage…
Staring at wrestling video of Jatt Starr.
Funny how three years ago right around this time a fresh faced Conor Fuse walked into High Octane and saw a legend from across the way. Jatt Starr, the man who handpicked MEEEEE to face him. Jatt made a comeback to HOW, he entered the same time I did, although, he’s been here many times before.
The footage of our match is from Rumble at the Rock 2020. A match I lost. Some will say I kicked out at the very last second. Others were very impressed with how I held my own against a Hall of Famer. There’s also the aforementioned “good spirited” comments which really are trash comments such as “it could’ve gone either way”.
I don’t see it like that. I was far away.
Solex thought I was bragging, that being a second away from Mike was something to celebrate.
NOTHING TO CELEBRATE.
Rumble at the Rock 2020 was NOTHING to celebrate, either. It was a black mark on my career. It was a nudge in the arm that told me
GO BACK TO TAG TEAM WRESTLING.
Glad I was deaf. At the time, you’re god damn right I wanted to.
The fact of the matter is when Jatt Starr beat Conor Fuse I took it as an insult.
I eject the VHS tape out and I enter in a Refueled tape from my title reign. Conor Fuse defends his World Championship against Jatt Starr. Winner faces Mike at Rumble at the Rock 2021.
Funny how this time of year becomes extremely relevant.
What happened in this encounter? Conor wins and he evens out the score.
Never did get our rubber match, huh? I mean we don’t have to. I am fine wondering who will be the FOREVER BETTER man in singles competition. I often speak so highly of you, Jatt. I think it’s become canon: Conor Fuse’s favourite wrestler of all-time is The Sovereign of Starrgentina (one of my higher nicknames of yours – although I’ve bet you’ve never been). If you didn’t beat me at the Rumble, I am not a two-time World Champion. I don’t move into a retirement home. I don’t have a mentor like Walter. I don’t push until the end of 2021’s WarGames and I definitely do not make the cover of the HOW video game, my little gamer child’s dream lol. I spat facts. To know there are ups and downs in my career and to know one moment doesn’t have to define me.
I owe you everything.
So why the fuck are we consistently at odds, bro?
I’m asking the question, as I watch us fight on the television screen. We tried, didn’t we? Me, you, Jatt and Mario. Together.
Lasted ten fucking seconds.
I am tuned in whenever you speak, Jatt. I listened to you when you told me I chose Bobbie over you and I was the one who pushed you away. I honestly don’t know if that’s what I meant to do but it is where we are…
You can stand across the ring from me, you can oppose me until the day you retire, I will always respect you. I know deep down inside it goes the other way, too. I think that’s why we bring strong emotions towards each other. Indifference… apathy… they say these are the true measurement of someone “not” mattering to the other person. Extreme emotions from any direction elicit importance.
You are important to me, Jatt. I am important to you. And whatever it is Bobbie keeps telling me to confront you about, I’m sure it can wait.
I don’t need a singles match to decide who the better man is. I don’t require Alcatraz to stamp our fate. Thank you for helping create the current iteration of Conor Fuse.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta call my mom real quick. I don’t want to keep people in my life but, like, it’s my mom. She hasn’t been answering me recently, either.
Not a clue as to why.
— — — — —
You’ll always be Bobbie to me, dude. Hope I can address you as such. Listen, it’s been a rough go for you and I lately. I want you to know you’ll always have my respect. I’ll prove it this weekend, just like I did at Alcatraz. I won’t mail anything in on Sunday. Even if this tag match is fucking meaningless, Bob.
On the outside looking in it’s useless.
On the inside looking out, maybe it’s a chance to find out who my real friends are. When I’m ready to have people in my life again. You see, right now I’ve X’ed out everyone. DUH, you know this. You were the first to feel my wrath. Game Boy, Walter, they had it easy. I never wrestled them. Never made them bleed.
I don’t book the matches here, Bobbie.
But I should.
When the three of us walk down that rampway, I will be there for you and Jace. Like that annoying Friends song. When the rain starts to fall. I’ll give it my best shot. I’d never know anything less. I’m not expecting us to be cool. I’ve done this. I ruined what we had. It started off superficial but it grew into something fun.
I am sitting on my couch, watching video of you and I tagging together. I’ve even spent some time watching the segments of our interactions. It’s not something I do often, but perhaps I should. I get so caught up watching wrestling film and studying my opponent’s moves, I should also dissect their mannerisms and personalities. These are important hidden items in the sport. For example, Dan Ryan has a mean streak. He recently showed it against Townsend. It took him awhile to fall back into that dark place but I heard the anger come outta his mouth. If I only listened more to what my fellow wrestlers say outside of the ring, I may be better able to understand them inside. If I was across the ring from Dan Ryan last week, with that kind of anger directed towards me… my game plan changes.
Funny enough, here he is as an opponent.
I am not going to poke the bear. I have significant things to say to Dan Ryan but…
Time and a place.
Our Chaos six-man tag is important, no doubt. But it’s not to the point I tip my hand on The Murder Daddy.
I’m rambling. Here I am, supposed to be talking about you, Bobbie, and I’m speaking about a teammate before you. You’re way more important to me than that guy…
Our interactions week after week, they grew, didn’t they? We became rather good friends and I was just as devastated to learn Stronk Godson and his people were behind your attempted murder attacks. I know the whole thing left a sour taste in your mouth, seeing as you thought Stronk was cool with you.
Fast forward to this summer and I’m placed in a first blood match against Bobbinette Carey.
I HAD TO do it, Bobbie. I NEEDED TO come in hot. There was no other path to choose. I couldn’t let you walk all over me. I made you the evil one. I painted a picture suggesting you were a terrible person for never believing in me from the start. Then I made up a bullshit story that I disliked you first.
Never was true.
But you do what you gotta in order to win. Pretty sure Derek Jeter is on record saying he’d push his grandmother over if it meant another World Series win.
Sis, I’d fucking castrate my grandmother in a millisecond for another 97.
Perhaps this can be the start of a new friendship, Bob. Again, when I’m ready to invite people back into my life. Sunday is a one-off, I’ll see you down the road. However, I have one EXTREMELY important fact to remind you of…
Bobbie, don’t ever forget I once murdered a man for you.
I’ll do it again.
If I can’t get it done this Sunday, well, there’s always the upcoming title match…
Fucking watch me, bro. I’ll kill him all over again.
— — — — —
JACE PARKER DAVIDSON
What else is there we can say to each other? I enjoy your work. So HOFC isn’t your thing, big deal. I thought you brought it against Mike in a regular wrestling match. Wasn’t cheering for ya, though.
I can explain!
I demand my rematch vs. Mike with the LSD Title on the line. I gotta take it off him. Doesn’t mean I don’t support you otherwise.
Maybe in an alternative multiverse that Darin and Xander didn’t screw up, Conor and Jace win the tag team tournament, go on to fucking punk Sektor and Ellis and keep the AoA alive. Maybe Mario comes back for MOAR than ten seconds and Jatt finally grows a pair from being the Best Alliance simp.
Jace, buddy, I’m watching VHS film of our matches running in succession. I really wanted that ICONIC battle back in 2021 (I’ll take beating six guys, retiring Cecilworth and winning #97 though, it’s a fine consolation prize). In the end, we had quite a few wrestling matches in 2022.
I won them all, BTW.
Yes, that’s a shot. Yes, that’s a reminder. But it’s not as low as you think. Are you aware about what it took for me to beat you?
My A game. Full commitment. Night in and out, nothing but strategy. I went over my wrestling notes so many times. I EDITED my wrestling notes a million times so there weren’t typos or mistakes. I could not be caught off guard. Fuck buddy, I wanted to win sooooooo badly. I required to win, there would’ve been no other acceptable answer.
Not every reminder from the past is meant to be a bad thing. Like how I am fueled by my losses to Mike… I can’t help but think JPD vs. Conor brought out the best in both of us and win or lose we’d be better for it.
Look what you’ve accomplished over the past couple years.
I’ll see ya around, Jace. Maybe one day we will do that tag team thing… if this fucking company took tag team divisions seriously.
Won’t hold my breath.
— — — — —
— — — — —
— — — — —
This room is a lot darker than I expected. There’s a nice aroma to it, though. I didn’t think there would be. Are those scented candles? Gotta be. A lot of different abstract art on the walls. Tigers, dragons, a tiger breathing a dragon out of his mouth. Half this shit I can’t even explain if I tried. But the candles, those scented fucking candles…
“So I was saying,” I didn’t even realize I was in mid-sentence. I bet I’ve been rambling for a long time. ADHD is real, kids. “This has gotta be goodbye for now. I mean… I said goodbye to my best buddy, the muscle I brought into look after me. Damn, that was tough. Did you know I dragged him here because I didn’t think I’d be able to win a match? Like at all, at all. I thought I’d be so DOA. I entered HOW when Mike murdered Max. I enjoy my life, girl. I enjoy it a lot! I don’t wanna die. Man, I didn’t even wanna die in video games!”
She has a ton of patience, I can tell by the look on her face as she leans against her office chair and continues to nod slightly. This space is wide open, it allows me to ramble without consequences. I’m really enjoying myself.
“So yeah, I said goodbye to my Game Boy. He took it rather well. We shook hands. He went in one direction, I went in the other. I know he’ll be part of XPRO but we have to keep apart. I suppose if I really need him, he’ll jump in.”
And she’s still listening. It’s miraculous!
“I also said goodbye to Walter, my oldest and dearest friend.” Wait, I think I said that wrong. “I didn’t mean oldest as in ‘we’ve known each other forever’. I meant he’s actually old. Really old. Pushing the wrong side of his nineties. Fuck buddy, I pray I’ll get to half his age…”
An angry thought pops into my head, so I allow myself to go there. After all, I was told this was a safe space.
“Age. Hmmm. Did I tell you Mike Best, my most recent opponent, he ripped on me FOR my age. I’m almost thirty. Yes, it’s a terrifying number. Mike said when he was my age, he had won like 64 different championships. He says this like nothing else matters. I suck. It’s over. DONEZO. I guess it was. He beat me.”
I can tell by the look on her face that while she IS listening, she’d also like me to get back on track.
Ma’am, say no more!
“Anyway, it was tough to say goodbye to Walter. Again, it’s not forever. I’m thinking like half the year? 2024, I’ll reach out again. I know where he lives. He isn’t going anywhere. It’s quite sad, really. Everyone in the Dearness Living Community seemingly has no family. Their family dropped them off and never came back. That’s why I got to live there rent free. The residents liked me so much they pulled strings. I’m telling ya, if your job ever goes POOF, contact your local retirement home, see what they can do for you…”
She doesn’t even have a notepad. I’m stunned she has such a memory, I’m certainly giving her a lot of solid info.
“And on top of everything I said, now I have to team with a woman who hates me and a guy who’s been an on-again off-again pal for years. My opponents are my hero, a dude who bailed on yours truly and the World Champion.”
I give a shrug, roll of my eyes and a huff all at once.
“Fuck me, eh?”
She simply sits there.
“I’m… I’m sorry.” I’m only now coming to realize how much I’ve overwhelmed her with narrative. “I thought you listen to LOTS of stories?”
She takes in the comment, tilts her head and nods as if she begrudgingly agrees.
“What do you think I should do next? I CAN’T invite my teammates back into my life. Hard no. Gotta have that free space ATM.”
I start twiddling my thumbs, hoping what I say next will let her give me an answer that solves my problems.
It’s hard to squeak out the words.
“What kind of advice do you have?”
She sits there, stoic as ever… until finally, she leans forward.
“Sir, this is a massage parlor.”
My eyes jump around the room.
“Massage parlor?” I ask.
She nods with a sense of mild frustration, but nothing she’s not willing to put herself through since I already paid.
“Massage parlor,” she replies with emphasis.
Placing a finger on my chin, I lower my head, close my eyes and go deep into thought before I resurface.
“This is not a counselling session?”
She shakes her head no and then mouths “massage parlor”.
“But people still go to you with their problems, right?”
It doesn’t take her long to respond.
“All the time,” with an additional ‘I hate my life’ sigh.
I give my neck a crack.
“Okay, no worries. Good enough for me…”
I am redirected to the massage bench.
“Can I still talk about my wrestling problems?” I inquire, taking off my shirt.
“I don’t care, your credit card went through. Tell me whatever you want.”