Have You Heard of Cancer Jiles?

Have You Heard of Cancer Jiles?

Posted on July 7, 2021 at 7:07 pm by Steve Harrison

 

HONK!

HONK!

Watch out everyone, Big Truck owning, small dick having, bald man coming through.

Is this DREAM and the year 2000 because I swear, we just bore and were bored by the Doozer classics of yesteryear.

I want to check something.

Pretends to do research.

Nope, you are facing me not Cancer Jiles.

You said his name so much I thought you were triggered into jerking off all over your Keurig, you steaming pile of irrelevance.  Next time you and Bobby need to compare notes because you guys are spit balling opposite bullshit just so you both have something to say.  Carry this, carry that, how about you carry yourself back to whatever barista job you had when you went missing and left everyone carrying your shitty box of sugarless creamers.  Put your nose ring back in and scuffed Birkenstocks back on and do your Steve Buscemi cosplay.

“How do you do, fellow kids?”

Afterwards get the hell out of my face and stop squawking this complete nonsense that sounds like fingernails down a chalkboard.  Ask a doctor if he can help with those testicles stuck up inside your scrotum, bud.

I don’t see the point in defending myself from your barrage of Jiles comments towards me since if we look at history, I have never lost to an eGG Bandit.  Guess your brain has been scrambled to many times for you to recall that bit of information so you claiming I have been carried by anyone is laughable.

First funny thing, you have said in ages.

I don’t get it man, I thought at least your experience would make it, so you don’t tie yourself in a knot.  Yet here we are with you stepping on your own feet about Jiles and then saying I am better than you.  What is the point of this?  I suppose you are just getting yourself ready for the inevitable when I knee your vertebrae through that soft skull of yours.

Then we get another huh moment in a grab bag of tons from those puckered lips of yours.

What the actual fuck man?  Are you Scott Stevens and Clay Byrd tossed in a blender, poured in a cup, and then topped off with piss?  Claiming I am not trying is a ridiculous statement.  This is not the path you wish to walk down, Doozer because me slacking and still burying you only makes you look bad not me.  Doozer has now told everyone that he doesn’t even have half the talent of The Miracle Man. This was already common knowledge but now he will have to accept it as fact when I rub his unconscious face across the cage.

Wake up and start all over again with what I can only conclude will be another sad sack comment about Cancer Jiles.  For real man, get a new gimmick other then guy who used to follow Jiles around like a lost Uncle at a Concert.  I guess it is better than calling me Zion-esque considering he is a lot higher up the food chain then you are these days.  At this point there is Scott Stevens and then you dry fucking right behind him you burnt brain joke.

I am trying to figure out what the threat of you is.  Are you someone who can fight these days because all I see is someone trying to hang with weak retorts and a seemingly obsession with the size of my junk and creative truck references?

I am being sarcastic about you being creative…of course.  You are the punchline to every joke that starts “what is worse than…”

Guess you can’t take the Doozer away from Bobby Dean.

Perverts.

Not once did you mention beating me unless that is what being Doozed and Abused is, but I figured you meant making me fall asleep and abusing my ear drums with your constant absurdity.  Once a bandit always a bandit, I guess.

That is a definition of losing in HOW, right?

Dammit, Doozer Bandit again.

He Bandit his job again.

He Bandit all the respect people once had for him for another horrible run in HOW where he says the same shit repeatedly and honestly thinks it is good.

Surprise.

You are pathetic and not in the cute sense but in the put this fucking dirty, disgusting, old, flea ridden, homeless dog to sleep.

We all can see that.

Or maybe we all want to see it.

Hope that was good enough for you.

Peasant.