I feel like we’re playing the fuckin’ “try not to laugh challenge” and I just lost in spec-fucking-tacular fashion.
It’s not my fault though, you’re just too goddamn funny.
You’re straight up silly, in fact.
So silly…I might just take it easy on you. But then again, that’s not really my style.
That’s not what alpha-males do. They never take it easy on punk bitches like you. You’d never learn your lesson if I did.
So instead, I’ll just beat the ever living shit out of you instead.
Seriously though, I really don’t want to laugh right in your face. You’re just making it really fuckin’ hard not to.
The fact that you come out here and use this “whataboutism” bullshit that you’ve done consistently this week.
“wHat AbOUT jAsON CAShe!? I’M beTTeR thAn HIm!”
Really? Shut the fuck up already. Shut all the way the fuck up. Comparing yourself to Jason Cashe is like comparing one identical twin to the other. You can’t! You know why?
Cause you’re the same fuckin’ thing!
You both came to HOW to compete in the DeNucci Cup.
You both came to HOW and – sort of – earned a match against the Dad-Soldier himself, Steve Solex.
And you both fuckin’ lost
You’ve already lost this weekend, and the match hasn’t even happened yet.
Ask me how I know that?
It’s cause I have a fuckin’ time machine asshole. Straight up DeLorean from Doc Brown himself, and where we’re goin’…we don’t need roads, bitch!
Are you fuckin’ confused?
Did I fuckin’ stutter?
Don’t know how I have a time machine?
Oh, you didn’t think that time machines exist?
Well, you’re wrong shitbag. Because if we’re just making shit up and you’re worshipping your imaginary friends, then I’m riding in a fuckin’ time machine with Doc Brown and fuckin’ up your future, bitch. So don’t call me chicken, cause when this baby hits 88 mph, you’re gonna see some serious shit. And while I’m the future – cause we’re still making shit up – I’m buying myself a fuckin’ sports almanac…and would ya’ look at that?
February 6, 2021: Steve Solex defeats Xander Azula by KO
Welp, there you have it you stupid prick. Steve Solex officially defeats Xander Azula.
See how that works? See how I just made some shit up and then spoke some power into it?
Welcome to the motherfuckin’ Imagination Station, where Xander Azula lives rent-free…in his mother’s basement LARPing with the rest of the fuckin’ weirdos wearing leaf crowns and pointed ears trying to catch fairies and gnomes.
So stop the bullshit already and let’s snap back to reality already, before it’s too fuckin’ late.
You’re already delusional and spouting off at the mouth for a fight that you’re clearly not ready for.
And bitch, if you’re gonna spout off at the mouth get your fuckin’ facts straight. Not once have I ever boasted my own successes.
I’m part of the collective good, bitch.
I’m a warrior and a member of a team, you prick.
My role in this team is very clear to me, but I think you’ve somehow gotten confused.
I’m the mother fuckin’ Peter Venkman of HOW and you’re bitch ass is Rick Moranis, pretending to be bad ass. Glasses and a
And because of that, the only thing that I have to boast about is being part of the HOW roster. Shit, I tell anyone with two fuckin’ ears why I love HOW and why HOW is the best wrestling company on the fuckin’ planet.
Why is HOW the best?
It’s because we’ve been able to weed out imposters like you for years. Sadly – well, for guys like you – it happens with minimal effort, and you’re no different from the rest. You’re sus bitch and you’re about to be voted the fuck out.
Welcome to the end.
This is the end of the road for you, Xander. This is the last stop before you get tossed off the tracks into the middle of fuckin’ nowheresville…right where you belong. There you can spend your evenings harvesting cactus and pray to your imaginary friend for hours on end without interruption.
But if I was you, I’d say one last prayer before Saturday. I’d pray that you make it through the fight alive and with all your limbs. Cause this isn’t going to be some ordinary match, Xander.
This is your retirement match.
You just don’t fuckin know it yet.
You cringy, LARPy, bitch.