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HI OCTANE WRESTLING.
IT IS ME YOUR FRIEND GREAT SCOTT.
I AM SO EXCITED TO BE IN THE LAND OF HOT VEE AND EYEPATCHES THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT. I HAVE ONLY BEEN IN OCTANE WRESTLING FOR A FEW DAYS AND I HAVE ALREADY SEEN A MAN GET SHOT IN THE FACE WITH A GUN AND ALSO I SAW A MAN TURNED INTO A HUMAN CANDLE AND IT IS VERY EXCITING. IN PRIMETIME WRESTLING MOSTLY PEOPLE JUST SUPLEX EACH OTHER AND I LOVE SUPLEXES BUT A MAN CANDLE IS PRETTY COOL IT IS JUST LIKE THAT ELTON JOHN SONG ABOUT WIND CANDLES AND DEATH.
LET ME SAY GETTING SHOT ISN’T GREAT.
TRUST ME I HAVE BEEN SHOT NINE TIMES.
IT HAPPENED IN OCW AND I WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR FOR A LONG TIME BUT THEN I CAME BACK BIG AND STRONK SO LEE BEST DO NOT WORRY YOU WILL COME BACK BIG AND STRONK TOO. I BELIEVE IN YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU MADE A MAN CANDLE LEE. THANK YOU TO YOU AND MELVIN FOR MAKING ME A PWA MEGASTAR AND GIVING ME A CHANCE TO COME TO OCTANE WRESTLING AND WIN SOME HOT VEE FROM THE CERAMIC COWBOY CLAY BIRD.
CLAY YOU DO NOT DESERVE HOT VEE.
YOU DO NOT EVEN DESERVE COLD VEE OR VEE OF ANY TEMPERATURE IF I AM BEING HONEST. THEY WOULD CARD YOU AT THE COW SALOON AND MAKE YOU DRINK JUICE BECAUSE YOU ARE A COW BOY YOU ARE NOT EVEN A COW MAN. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE VERY TOUGH AND YOU BEAT UP BOB GREEN AND A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE SINCE YOU WON THE TITLE AT HOW WORLD OF WAR BUT YOU HAVE NEVER GONE TO WAR WITH LARGE DADDY SCOTT. MY GENETICS ARE ABNORMAL AND I ONLY CARE ABOUT TWO THINGS CLAY THAT IS MY BEAR AND MY GLARE.
AND THE HOT VEE TITLE.
OKAY SO THAT IS THREE THINGS BUT ALL OF THEM ARE VERY IMPORTANT. DO YOU THINK THE HOT VEE TITLE IS IMPORTANT CLAY? BECAUSE I WILL BE HONEST I DO NOT THINK IT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU. I HAVE NEVER HELD A REAL TITLE IN MY WHOLE LIFE BUT IT FEELS LIKE YOU THINK THAT YOU DESERVE MORE THAN WHAT YOU HAVE. IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE A DISAPPOINTED LITTLE COW BOY WHO THINKS YOU ARE BETTER THAN THE HOT VEE CHAMPIONSHIP. IF I WAS THE CHAMPION OF HOT VEE I WOULD BE TAKING THE TITLE EVERYWHERE WITH ME AND BRAGGING THAT I WAS THE CHAMPION OF A WHOLE CHANNEL BUT YOU JUST WALK AROUND THE SAD RANCH ALL DAY LOOKING LIKE YOU ARE MAD THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE THE WORLD TITLE.
WHICH IS WHY YOU DON’T DESERVE EITHER.
MEN MAKE TITLES COWBOB CLAYPANTS TITLES DON’T MAKE MEN. TAKE PRINCE FOR EXAMPLE HE IS NOT A REAL PRINCE BUT HE IS A MEGASTAR AND A MUSIC ICON AND I BET YOU JUST PLAY PART TIME IN A JUG BAND AND FUCK YOUR SISTER COUSIN AND WILL NEVER BE FAMOUS IN MUSIC OR EVEN FAMOUS OUTSIDE OF OCTANE WRESTLING.
BUT ME I AM A PWA MEGASTAR.
WHEN I TAKE THE HOT VEE TITLE FROM YOU AT CHAOS 6 I AM GOING TO MAKE IT THE MOST IMPORTANT TITLE IN WRESTLING. I AM GOING TO BRING IT TO OCW AND MVW AND SVO. AND EVEN IF IT MAKES MELVIN’S SECRETARY LINDSEE ANGRY I WILL TAKE IT TO THE ASS NETWORK TOO AND SHOW EVERYONE WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A REAL CHAMPION OF A WHOLE TV NETWORK. THEN YOU AND THE OTHER STREETBOYS CAN KEEP CRYING ABOUT HOW YOU DON’T GET THE RESPECT YOU DESERVE IN HOW EVEN THOUGH YOU ALL GET LOTS OF TITLE SHOTS AND DON’T MAKE THE BEST OF THEM. THIS IS ONLY MY SECOND TITLE MATCH EVER AND THE BELT THAT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME.
A TITLE MEANS YOU ARE THE BEST AT SOMETHING.
IT IS LIKE WINNING AN OSCAR BUT FOR WRESTLING AND THE HOT VEE DIVISION IS ABOUT BEING THE BEST WRESTLER ON ALL OF HOT VEE NOT JUST IN OCTANE WRESTLING. AND YOU ARE NOT THE BEST CLAY. YOU DO NOT EVEN HAVE GREAT IN YOUR NAME LIKE I DO AND THE ONLY HOT VEE WRESTLER YOU HAVE EVEN FACED IS THAT JABRONI BOB GREEN WHO IS ALWAYS SMOKING REEFER AND HANGING OUT WITH A WARLOCK AND JELLY J. YOU ARE A SMALL FISH IN A BIG POND BUT I AM GREAT SCOTT AND I AM A MEGASTAR IN EVERY POND.
I KNOW OCW.
I HAVE HEARD OF SHOOT PROJECT I THINK.
I AM HAPPY TO GO TO MVW AND DEFEND THE HOT VEE TITLE AGAINST ANYONE BUT ADAM ELLIS WHO IS A RACE TRAITOR. I WILL GO TO SNESVO AND BE A PIXELATED FIGHTING CHAMPION. I WILL… CARRY THIS BELT ON THE ASS NETWORK BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT READY FOR ALL THIS HOT VEE YET. YOU ARE A WHINER AND A LITTLE BITCH WHO CRIES ABOUT OPPORTUNITY BUT YOU DO NOT EVEN MAKE THE BEST OF THE ONES YOU ALREADY HAVE. IT IS TIME FOR THIS DIVISION TO HAVE A CHAMPION WHO VALUES THE TITLE AND ISN’T A MEMBER OF THE STREETBOYS AND THAT IS ME GREAT SCOTT.
HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE.
JUST KIDDING GO FUCK YOURSELF I AM GREAT SCOTT AND I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU.
————
“HELLO I AM HERE TO SEE GOD PLEASE.”
Standing at the reception desk of an unnamed hospital in an undisclosed location, GREAT SCOTT slams both of his meaty fists down on the table, greeting the nurse sitting behind it. Less than twenty four hours removed from his shocking appearance at Dead or Alive, the PWA MEGASTAR already looks dejected at having been made to leave GREAT BEAR out in the parking lot. How can bears not be allowed in hospitals?
What if they get sick?
Our main man SCOTT taps his fingers anxiously against the reception desk, waiting for the nurse to acknowledge him. She’s loudly chomping on some gum and playing Wordle on her phone, apparently unfazed by the adult toddler towering over her.
GREAT SCOTT: HELLO I AM SPEAKING TO YOU AND I AM HERE TO SEE GOD PLEASE.
The nurse looks up, with the half-fucks giving look of a woman who is massively underpaid and doesn’t feel like dealing with this bullshit today. She immediately looks back down at her phone, responding without eye contact.
Nurse: The chapel is on the second floor next to the cafeteria.
The PWA MEGASTAR furrows his brow.
GREAT SCOTT: NO HE IS A PATIENT HERE HE GOT SHOT IN THE FACE AND HAS A GOD BEARD AND HE SAYS DICKHEAD A LOT.
The nurse rolls her eyes, still not looking up from her phone. She has been here for fourteen hours, and in the wake of Dead or Alive, has already been dealing with a level of absurdity that is well above her pay grade.
Nurse: I’m sorry sir, I can’t discuss patient status with anyone who isn’t direct family. HIPAA rules. You’re welcome to contact… God… directly, though.
GREAT SCOTT: I DO NOT KNOW MUCH ABOUT HIPPOS BUT HE IS PERSON MA’AM I DO NOT BELIEVE THE LAW OF THE JUNGLE APPLIES.
The nurse opens her mouth to speak, raising a finger full of every objection imaginable. She thinks better of it, though, shaking her head and choosing to simply make this problem go away. She stands up from her chair, placing a “We’ll be right back” sign on the desk and walking into the office behind her.
For a moment, GREAT SCOTT considers that she may have acquiesced to his very sound logic, but the slamming of the door behind her makes it pretty clear that she isn’t coming back.
GREAT SCOTT: WELL THAT WASN’T GREAT.
He puts his hands on his hips, looking to his left and to his right. Clearly God must be here somewhere, this is where Jace and Mike said that he was being taken. Or at least, that’s what he’d overhead them saying through a slightly ajar door back at Tombstone, since no one would tell him to his face.
He needed to see the God of HOW.
He needed to see the man who had single handedly saved him from abject poverty and possibly saved his career. Coming off the back of a hard loss to REZIN for PRIME’s Five Star Championship, Scott Gratesburg had spent the better part of the last two months either sleeping under an overpass or curled up with a pillow in Morty the Mortician’s bathtub. He and GREAT BEAR had literally been eating government cheese. Melvin Beauregard couldn’t even be bothered to pick up the phone and save his star signing from a life of homelessness, but Lee Best?
Well, Lee did more than just answer the phone.
GREAT SCOTT: MA’AM IF YOU CAN HEAR ME THANK YOU FOR TEACHING ME ABOUT HIPPO LAW. I AM GOING TO GO LOOK FOR GOD NOW. THEY SAY THAT GOD IS EVERYWHERE SO IF I KNOCK ON ENOUGH OF THESE DOORS I AM SURE THAT I WILL FIND HIM. HAVE A GREAT–
Before he can finish his catchphrase, the office door swings wildly open and the nurse pokes her head back out. Clearly she could hear him from her fortress of solitude, because he is very, very loud. All the time.
Nurse: Oh for fuck’s… he isn’t here, sir. He checked himself out an hour ago. Please do not harass my patients. And it’s HIPAA.
GREAT SCOTT: PRETTY SURE IT IS CALLED A HIPPO BUT YOU’RE THE LAW EXPERT.
He gives her a solid thumbs up, before turning tail and heading back for the front door. Hospitals have always made GREAT SCOTT uncomfortable, ever since his parents were murdered by the mafia and doctors were unable to save them, so there was no reason to stick around this giant building of death if GOD was no longer amongst them.
The automated doors move aside for LARGE DADDY SCOTT as he steps out into the parking lot, waving to GREAT BEAR in the distance. As would be expected, the six foot five live fucking bear is just chilling on the pavement, vibing to low-fi tunes on his sweet Beats by Dre headphones.
GREAT SCOTT: HI GREAT BEAR I MISSED YOU. GOD ISN’T HERE SO WE STILL HAVE TO GO FIND HIM. ALL THIS SEARCHING HAS MADE ME A VERY HUNGRY SCOTT THOUGH SO MAYBE FIRST WE WILL GO HOME AND EAT SOME MEAT AND WATCH MY HOW DEBUT WHICH IS AVAILABLE NOW TO STREAM ON BOTH HOT VEE AND THE PWA NETWORK.
Fortunately for our hero, “home” isn’t all that far away.
Directly behind GREAT BEAR stands a forty foot long, three hundred twenty square foot 1993 Thomas Safetyliner school bus, completely converted into a one bed, one bath mobile command center with an airbrushed mural on the side. What is on the mural? Fucking glad you asked, bud, because it is literally MOUNT FUCKING RUSHMORE, but the faces are GREAT SCOTT, GREAT BEAR, LEE BEST, MARCUS WELSH and MELVIN BEAUREGARD. Why does GREAT SCOTT have a five headed Mount Rushmore on the side of his bus? Because five is more than four, and more is better, you fucking mark.
It’s called THE GREAT ESCAPE.
A joint gift from the co-creators of the Phoenix Wrestling Association, it was the cherry on top of the contract that turned him into a PWA MEGASTAR. In one fell swoop, it had taken care of his homelessness and car-lessness, and it had only cost the powers-that-be a cool, collective forty grand. Forty thousand dollars– barely a drop in the bucket for three of the most powerful men in the wrestling business, but to GREAT SCOTT, it was life changing. They didn’t just buy an old, converted school bus.
They bought a man’s undying loyalty.
He slaps GREAT BEAR on his meaty shoulder, waving him onto the converted bus and starting up the engine. It slowly cranks, turning over at full diesel as the GREAT ESCAPE roars to life.
A lot of people search for GOD.
But GREAT SCOTT is going to find him.
————
THE PWA BOUGHT ME A HOUSE.
MOST PEOPLE SAY STUFF LIKE THAT BUT THEY JUST MEAN THAT SOMEONE PAID THEM A LOT OF MONEY AND THEN THEY USED THAT MONEY TO BUY A HOUSE. NOT ME THOUGH GOD AND MELVIN AND MARK WELCH GOT TOGETHER AND LITERALLY BOUGHT ME A HOUSE. TWO WEEKS AGO I WAS LIVING ON THE STREET AND SLEEPING ON A MATTRESS MADE MOSTLY OUT OF PEE AND USED NEEDLES AND NOW I HAVE A COOL HOUSE THAT IS ALSO A CAR.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I WOULD DO FOR THOSE MEN?
MARK WELCH HIRED ME TO OCW WHEN NO ONE ELSE WOULD HIRE ME TO WRESTLE AND HE PAID ME ENOUGH MONEY THAT I COULD QUIT MY JOB AT BURGER KING. MELVIN GOT ME MY FIRST REAL TITLE SHOT AND NOW MY FIRST REMATCH BECAUSE I LOST AND IT WAS FUCKING BULLSHIT. LEE BEST BELIEVES THAT I DESERVE HOT VEE AND HELPED ME GET A LOT OF MEAT FOR GREAT BEAR. THEY HAVE TWO THINGS IN COMMON CLAY, THEY HAVE ALL INVESTED IN GREAT SCOTT…
AND THEY ALL WANT YOU TO LOSE.
YOU ONLY HAVE THE STREET BOYS IN YOUR CORNER CLAY. THEY ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU AND THEY ARE TOO BUSY BEING MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN YOU TO HELP. ME? I HAVE THE POWER OF GODS AND MELVINS AND A WHOLE PROBOARD BEHIND ME AND I AM GOING TO TAKE THAT TITLE AND EMBARRASS YOU. WHEN YOU GO TO YOUR COWBOYS ANONYMOUS MEETING THEY ARE GOING TO LAUGH AT YOU AND TAKE AWAY YOUR LICENSE TO RIDE HORSES. BECAUSE THIS IS THE ERA OF LARGE DADDY SCOTT AND I DON’T CARE HOW HUGE YOUR PANTS ARE YOU HAVE STILL GOTTEN TOO BIG FOR YOUR BRITCHES.
YOU ARE IN FOR THE FIGHT OF YOUR LIFE.
YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE EASY GOING SMILING NICE GUY SCOTT WHO SPARKED A WORLD WIDE DANCE CRAZE. YOU ARE GETTING THE PEA MEGASTAR. YOU ARE GETTING THE NEXT HOT VEE CHAMPION. YOU ARE GETTING A MAN WHO WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES NO MATTER WHAT.
I’M A BAD GUY NOW BITCH.
NO MORE MR. NICE SCOTT.