Fuck The Beat, I’mma Do It Acapella

Fuck The Beat, I’mma Do It Acapella

Posted on July 1, 2022 at 5:43 pm by Christopher America

You were taking a piss while I was on the Octane? The Octane fucking housed a War Games match, dickhead. You turned off War Games? You went to the bathroom during War Games? No wonder you fucking lost this year. 


You don’t fucking get it.


I don’t hate the military.


I hate you.


I hate the fact that you think that making the military so much a part of your life like it somehow has made you better than everyone else or even me. It’s made you into a fucking joke. You’re a parody of yourself from 15 years ago. You’re a parody of a professional wrestler. It’s like you woke up one morning, decided you were going to be a wrestler, trained under some nobody for $500, graduated with dodgy results, and then got fucking exposed for the world to see. 


You’ve been doing this same shtick for two years and now is the time for the Summer of Dad? Oh great. What about 2020? Or 2021? Didn’t give two shits to bring about the Summer of Dad then?




You couldn’t bring it about then and you can’t bring it about now. Man, just hearing you say Summer of Dad made me throw up in my mouth. Imagine that shit on posters like it was a good idea. I told you to turn the AED up to maximum, but apparently you fucked that up too.


Your shitty award was due to you being nominated by your fuck buddies in the Highwaymen – Joe Bergman, known loser and I pinned him, Clay Byrd, also a known loser and I pinned him, and Steve Harrison, a definite fucking loser who’s about to get his ass pinned by Tyler Best. Losers nominating losers to rig a vote. Don’t worry, Solex. You didn’t win that award. I saw a shit ton of ballots being brought in by the back of a van at 2am. Stop the steal.


I didn’t retaliate against you? I won War Games. I didn’t have to lay a fucking finger on you to make you a loser. And now, I’m exposing you to the entire fucking world without laying a finger on you. 


But now, I’m going to get my chance to fuck you up. One on one in the fucking cage.


It’s funny though that you would try to finish by stealing my trash talk. You’ve stolen practically everything else.


And I—


Wait a minute—


Now I get it. You weren’t in the military, were you? 


So who’s valor did you steal?


Which of your comrade’s accolades did you co-opt? Which one died from trying to protect a coward like you just for you to steal their courage, their bravery? Oh, I know. You did it. You killed your friend when they tried to stop you from purposefully injuring yourself to try to get out of the war. Then, you concocted a fake story to justify his death and try to solidify your courage.


You should’ve been dishonorably discharged, you fucking coward.


You dishonor the military of this great nation.


Also, I have a secret about War Games.


Do you know who my greatest accomplice was?


You were.


I pulled out a gun. And you knew it was fake. I could see it I your face. And yet, you stood there. You just fucking stood there and allowed Stronk Daddy to get his wire cutters and cut the barbed wire. You could have told your teammates at any time and you didn’t. You didn’t move. You didn’t utter a fucking word.


You screwed your teammates over and helped Tyler and I go on to be the most dominating War Games force in over a decade.


Also, how does Joe Bergman think that teaming with someone like you makes him out to be a hero? You are admittedly a toxic, alpha male. How does Clay Byrd reconcile keeping you in the Highwaymen knowing that you jeopardized his War Games team more than Conor’s shitty drafting ability ever could? The truth is your little rag tag group is held together by thread and bandaids. There’s no unifying morals. 


Just a little push here, a little tear there, and you fuckheads will unravel.


Do what you do best, take the L, quit the fed and stop stealing anymore of our precious time. It’s be the best thing you accomplished for this company. Hell, I’d even give you my vote for the Hall of Fame, actually justifying your place in it.