Fuck The AOA

Fuck The AOA

Posted on February 17, 2022 at 11:58 pm by Scottywood

We open at some undisclosed local ice hockey rink somewhere outside of Cleveland, Ohio.  On the ice we see 2-Man Advantage, Chet Logan and Tanner Blake dressed in full hockey gear, sprinting back and forth between the half boards… or across the narrow part of the ice.  They’d make out and come back towards the benches and make a hard top.  It is there that The Hardcore Artist, who is standing up on the benches looking down at them yells “Again!” as he slams his barbed wire hockey stick on the dasher of the boards.  Chet and Tanner shake their heads as they take off again out to the opposite boards.

Scottywood: O and two boys… ZERO wins and TWO losses.  Honestly it’s not the best way to start off your HOW careers.   But considering you are two hockey players from Canada, now wrestling in America… it wasn’t unexpected.  Now here is possibly your last match of the tournament.  Your last chance to make an impression on HOW before you possible fade back into obscurity and go back to Moosehead or wherever the fuck you guys are from and start playing beer league hockey.  This week you have a chance to beat two Hall of Famers.  Jatt Starr, one of the most decorated wrestlers in HOW history… and Mario Maurako.

Chet: Disgraceful boys, we need a W big time.

Tanner: I ain’t going back to Canada after seeing all the big city slams here in the States bro.

Chet: Top shelf slams

Tanner: Molson Triple X slams

Scottywood: If you two fucks ever mention Molson beer around me again, I’ll knock your heads in worse than Zion and Azula did in your last match.

Tanner: Sorry Scotty, won’t happen again… and we’ll get focused.

Chet: Super focused indeed!

Scottywood: I highly fucking doubt that… but you two fucks need a win and nothing woul make me happier than for it to come against Jatt and Mario.  They can make… or attempt to make all the jokes they want.  But what will really be hilarious is me once again being behind ruining another moment for Mario Maurako… and then cutting down that oversized fucking ego of Jatt’s. 

Chet: Mario, The moose licker with the bad ticker!

Tanner: Flat chested Jatt who has a small bat!

Chet: He def needs to work on those pecks bro!

Tanner: Bet those nips are chaffed as fuck too from those suspenders bro.

Chet: Nip tape is step one before a big workout bro.

Tanner: Scotty, sure you got plenty left over from your days when…

Scottywood: Just fucking stop there if you wanna live to see tomorrow Tanner.

Tanner: My bad bro!

Scottywood: I wish I could give you something positive about Mario and Jatt… or Simon whatever… but honestly I can’t.  I’m not gonna build them up so it seems impressive when you beat them.  Instead if you lose to them… then you two are fucking losers… complete losers.  I mean you are facing JATT STARR… going by Simon Sparrow… mainly because he can no longer live up to the memory of Jatt Starr.  He’s teaming with Mario Maurako of all people in this tournament for fuck sakes.

Chet: World Champ didn’t wanna team with him.

Tanner: Picked Jace over him.

Scottywood: Yeah… and that worked out no better for Fuse.  Fucker better soon realize he teamed with some real shit fucks… or else it’s gonna be a quick game over on that title reign.  Between Mario and Jace, those two are black holes here in HOW.  I seriously thought Fuse was smarter than this when I faced him back at ICONIC.  The kid had potential… he even proved it by winning the World Title… and then he goes and joins the AOA.

Chet: Assholes on Acid.

Tanner: Actually only anal

Chet: God’s loophole there bro.

Tanner: No chance of slipping it past the goalie there bro.

Chet: Don’t need any more Maurako’s running around here.

Scottywood: Bad enough Bob popped another out of her fucking snapper.  Which reminds me to rag on Mario for ruining his match with Bobbinette.  Still makes me laugh everytime I think about it Mario.  You needed my help to beat her… she would have so kicked your ass.  So now there gets to be a huge fucking asterisk next to that win.  Not that you didn’t beat her enough probably during your sham fucking marriage.  I mean is that seriously the only way that the “marvelous” Mario Maurako could get a woman to marry him? Use her amnesia to brain wash her into thinking you two were right for each other.  Fucking disgusting man.  If this wasn’t HOW, you’d be canceled and forgotten into fucking obsurity where you belong.

Chet: Dude needs some wingman help bro.

Tanner: Does that count as charity dude?  Can we write off some drink and whatever hooker we have to eventually hire?

Chet: Does GoFundMe allow for buying hookers bro?

Tanner: Pretty sure we’d just need a twenty or something… don’t wanna waste any good slams on his woman abusing ass.

Scottywood: I’m gonna embarrass you again Mario… this time when my hockey rejects beat your… not washed up… but never was ass.  Because I will not hide it one bit… it will be an embarrassment to lose to these two who have already taken way too many shots to their head.  And trust me, I am going to destroy Bobbinette when I face her at March to Glory… something you could never do.  But when I am done with her… maybe… just maybe I will find the time to make sure I wipe your ass out of HOW forever. 

Chet: RIP Mario, Scotty is gonna bury your ass where it belongs!

Tanner: Nah bro, he’s gonna be restless in Hell, where that woman abusing piece of shit belongs.

Chet: Now can we stop doing these sprints Scotty and find some new hot slams at the bar?

Scottywood: Do whatever the fuck you want guys, I’m certainly not here to baby sit your dumb asses.  Just make sure you show up ready to beat the shit out of a couple of Hall of Famers and ruin their chance at making it further in Mario’s namesake tournament.

Chet: Hill Over Farts bro, we got this shit Scotty.

Tanner: Holy Old Fucks bro.

Scottywood: Easy there, I’m also in the Hall of Fame you dumb asses.

Chet: Sorry Scotty, but we’ll get the job done.  Take out Mario and make sure Simon has nothing to say after we’re done with them.

Tanner: AOA is gonna be DOA after we are done with them.

Scottywood: Ok, well then hit the showers, punishment is done for today.  But if you guys can’t get the job done at Refueled… well this will be like a fucking vacation.

Chet and Tanner quickly stop skating as they smile and quickly make their way for the doors before Scotty changes his mind, as The Hardcore Artist shakes his head and cracks open a beer on the bench.