- Event: Chaos 019
It has been a weird weekend for me personally. Coming off of the PWA 01 event then meeting up with Tolson briefly in Denver on Sunday for the Denver Dimes game and a quick dinner before she had to run off to New York. I spent the night alone in our place in Denver with my own thoughts to entertain me for the evening. I drank, I smoked a cigar, and did everything possible to find some peace so that I could get some sleep.
None of it worked.
So much so that I eventually got out of bed and started to clean just to give myself something to do. After everything I only managed to sleep a few hours here and there before getting up today. I looked around the empty home and thought that I couldn’t go another day like I did last night. My head was a fucking mess, and I was not coping well. It was then that I decided that instead of waiting for Samantha to come back here that I would go to New York instead and meet her there. I needed something to distract me, and I know the way I left things after our short dinner left her kind of concerned about me.
Spending time with her was always something that could distract me from my troubles.
Although, I knew for a fact that I couldn’t just walk into her condo in NYC and expect her not to ask a thousand questions if I continued to act like I have been lately. That’s why I sent her a text message saying that I would meet her later in the evening because I wanted to stop and see my mother first. It felt odd just saying that, but I needed SOMEONE to talk to about everything that was happening. And as strained as our relationship was, my mother was one of those people that I knew would give me an honest opinion. I could count on her to tell me the truth and not just spew some pretty words that she thought I wanted to hear.
I arrived at her place during the mid-afternoon hours. I had a key to the house that she had given me after I settled the whole ordeal between her and my former stepfather Dennis Brown. I stepped inside my former home and called her name. It wasn’t long that she came running into the living room to wrap her arms around me and squeeze me as tightly as she possibly could. My visit was a welcome surprise for her. We went through our usual greetings and catching up. She asked if I was hungry, but I told her I was meeting Tolson later and would eat then. Eventually, we settled down and began to watch the first season of Loki. My mother was a big superhero nerd too and she wanted to refresh herself on the show before the second season premiered.
My mother sat on the couch in front of the television, and I sat on a recliner placed to the right of the couch. We watched in silence for a bit until my mother spoke up.
“You look like you have something on your mind.” She said in a motherly kind of tone.
“I just have a headache.” I responded. That technically wasn’t a lie because everything that was swirling around in my head was giving me a headache.
“I might not be Mother of the Year, but I think I know you well enough to know that you only get headaches when something is bothering you.” She wasn’t going to let me off the hook with a half assed lie.
“There is something that happened last year that I didn’t tell you about.” I began.
“You mean having a heart attack and dying on the way to the hospital?” My mother said in the most nonchalant fashion.
I snapped my head around and glared at her with an accusing tone, but she just shrugged her shoulders.
“The doctors didn’t think you would make it. Did you think that Madison wouldn’t call me given the situation?” She spoke as if I was being dumb for even questioning it, maybe I was.
“It’s fucking with me more than I thought it ever would.” I admitted. “I don’t even remember having a heart attack. All I remember is going to bed that night and then next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital. I had no idea at all what had happened but as the days rolled by I thought to myself this is for the best. If I don’t remember any of it happening, then it won’t be something that I dwell on or bothers me in the future. I was extremely wrong.”
“Most people would tell you that you just had the anniversary of pulling through a major life event. That you should be celebrating life and thanking the Lord. It’s like having a second birthday or something like that.” She threw her hands into the air over her own comments. “But none of them have gone through something like that. Sure, it’s great to be happy that you didn’t die. But you almost did and I don’t think that is something that’s ever just going to go away.”
I turned my head from my mother back to the television as I let her words sink in a bit.
“I wish I could make this all just go away. I’ve been kind of depressed ever since the holidays came around. Watching what happened to Demar Hamlin on the field and that Monday night football game just sent me over the edge. I’ve been disgusted with everyone and everything. There is this knot in the pit of my stomach and the headaches have just been constant. I’m going around snapping at everyone…” I stopped and saw the look on my mother’s face. “More than usual!”
A buzzing sound is heard as my mother reaches over and grabs her phone off the table beside the couch. She glanced down at the phone for a moment before placing it down on the couch cushion to the left of her.
“I’m not surprised by that but if most people have no idea what you’re dealing with then you just end up coming off as a giant asshole.” She said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“We’ve hit that point and beyond many, many years ago. It’s not like that I even care that people think I’m an asshole or if they don’t like me. Usually, it tickles me to know I’ve gotten under someone’s skin or live rent free in the heads of people. Yet, with all of this going on it’s like the little things that wouldn’t even make me blink before are just irritating me to no end.” I sighed.
“You can’t be teflon all the time, dear.” My mother reached over and placed her hand on my knee.
“I refuse to become one of those people that whine and cry about every little inconvenience. Someone quit the LFL football league the other day because of a GIF of a butt picture posted on Twitter. I’d rather jump off a bridge to be like that.” I said with confidence.
“I don’t think you’ll ever become someone like that. You’ve been through hell and back in your life but yet no matter what you still find a way to enjoy yourself, smile, and laugh. Besides, you’re stubborn just like me and would rather punch someone in the face than complain about something non-stop.” My mother chuckled a bit.
Her laughter was cut off by the fact that her phone started to buzz again. She grabbed a hold of it and looked down at it for a moment, but I noticed that she narrowed her eyes a bit. She shook whatever it was off and tossed the phone down again.
“Maybe it’s just the time of the year sort of thing. I can’t recall the beginning of the year ever being a good or happy time for me.” I was thinking out loud at this point.
“Your birthday is next month!” My mother tried to disprove my theory.
“Ugh, you don’t have to freaking remind me. Along with Valentine’s Day. Nothing you really want to think about when you’re not married anymore.” I groaned.
“You have a new woman in your life even though I still think you should have found a way to make it work with Madison.” My mother cut her eyes and folded her arms making her opinion very well known.
Before I could respond the buzzing sound of her phone once again filled the room. She grabbed a hold of her phone, and this time was gritting her teeth at what she was looking at. I was tired of doing the polite thing and decided to find out what was causing her to react this way.
“Okay, what’s the deal? Who is blowing up your phone and why is it pissing you off? You meet a new guy or something?” I raised my eyebrow at her.
“It’s not someone new at all, it’s just your father annoying me.” My mother exhaled in a defeated manner.
“Dennis is trying to harass you again?!” I shot to an upright position in my seat.
“No, thankfully, I’m talking about your real father.” My mother said in a somber voice.
The news that Terrence was now the one harassing my mother didn’t make me feel any better. I could feel my jaw tighten as my mother continued to look down at her phone.
“Somehow that seems even worse.” I mumbled.
“Don’t say that he’s still your father.” My mother lectured.
“What the hell does he want?” I shifted my position in my seat. “Like, what does he really want? This whole coming back into my life, and all is beyond fishy. Why did he after 34 years pop up and what is he looking to gain?”
“Well, him coming back into the picture I guess is pretty much fault.” My mother sighed. “When everything with Dennis happened, I guess the news got back to Terrence and that’s when she contacted me out of the blue. It was weird at first but the more we talked the more comfortable I got. And just talking soon turned into going out for a cup of coffee or a movie. And then it just escalated into so much more.”
My mother could tell but the sour looks on my face that I did not approve and was judging her at the moment.
“I just dealt with a divorce, and he offered a distraction and companionship.” My mother tried to defend her actions. “Since we were spending time together it was only a matter of time before you came up in our conversations. He seemed interested and after you did so much for me I decided I would give him your number and address. Maybe that was stupid of me but after dealing with Dennis for so many years the thought of having an actual family together was just too tempting to resist.”
“Wasn’t your greatest moment.” I added.
“Clearly, you and he haven’t exactly gotten along since he came back into our lives. And from that moment he went from being sweet, loving, and compassionate to absolutely obsessive and demanding. A majority of our time spent together would be him just complaining about you or blaming me for raising you to be the way you are. That turned into him trying to force me to do things that I don’t want to do.” My mother raised her hand into the air and wiped under one of her eyes.
“Things like what?” I was gripping the arm of the chair tightly.
“Like telling me that we should get remarried. Talking about you and your company. His latest obsession is trying to convince me to sell this house and move in with him permanently. He keeps telling me that the money I could get from selling the house would go a long way investment wise with his business sense.” She looked up at the ceiling while trying to fight back the tears.
“You are NOT selling this house. This is YOUR house, and it was awarded to YOU in the divorce from Dennis Brown.” I stated in a commanding tone.
“I’d be lying if I said I haven’t considered it.” My mother grabbed a tissue from the coffee table in front of her and dabbed her eyes. “As much as I am thankful for getting the house, this house is still Dennis’ house. I can’t walk into any room in this house without seeing something that reminds me of Dennis. But with how Terrence is acting lately, I think moving in with him and selling this house would be an even bigger mistake.”
The sound of my mother’s ringtone fills the room as she groans and looks down at the phone.
“And now Terrence is calling me because I haven’t responded to his text messages.” My mother started to visibly shake.
I leaned forward and snatched the phone out of my mother’s hands. I ran my finger across the screen to answer the call then raised the phone up to my ear.
“Look Terrence. I knew there was a reason I didn’t like you and you continue to give me more and more reason every single day. I have no fucking idea why you thought you could get away with not only harassing my mother but trying to get her to sell her house and live under your thumb. You’re a piece of shit and when I find out what it is you’re trying to pull? I’m going to make you wish you stayed the deadbeat dad you were my entire life. Let me find out that you harassed my mother again. Let me find out you even drove down this street. Let me find out that you even called my mother again and I will beat the living dogshit out of you.” I growled into the phone.
“All of that isn’t necessary.” My mother tried to interject but I ignored her.
“Are we FUCKING clear, Terrence?! From this moment forward you act like Maria doesn’t even exist and you go back to wherever the fuck you came from. If you think what I did to Dennis was bad, then you haven’t seen anything yet.” And just like that I ended the call.
I turned her phone around and then opened it up and pulled out the battery so that she wouldn’t get another text, call, voicemail or facetime from Terrance. I tossed the pieces of the phone down onto the coffee table.
“First thing I’m going to do is get you a new phone and phone number. You will NOT give your new number to Terrence. And if he so much as calls you and breathes heavily? You tell me and I promise it’ll be the last time you ever see him again.” I leaned back in the chair and folded my arms over my chest.
My mother just glared down at the pieces of her phone on the coffee table then just nodded and gave me a small smile as the scene fades to black.