El Bee Eye

El Bee Eye

Posted on January 27, 2021 at 7:41 pm by Teddy Palmer

There he is!

You had me worried for a minute. I was beginning to think I was dealing with the strong silent type. The kinda guy who lets his fists do the talking. A real man’s man, you know? Turns out, I’m actually going to war with Donnie Azoff from “Wolf of Wall Street”.

Can I say that? Am I supposed to acknowledge Jonah Hill’s performance? 

Fuckity Fuck Fucking Fucker Fuck!

Say, were you given writing credit for that episode of ‘The History of Swear Words’? You know, the one titled ‘Fuck’?

I fuckin’ hope so…

Is mentioning any of the above Copyright Infringement? I wouldn’t know. Figured I’d ask seeing as you’re the High Octane Corporate cocksucker. If I could get a handbook on the rules and regulations, possibly a seat in promo 101, that’d be great. You can set that up, right? 

It’s evident I’m toeing some sort of line. Only problem is, the damn thing is invisible. And it appears to be ever changing, impossible to tell when I’ve crossed it. Comparing one’s destiny to the ‘94 Rangers, now that’s good. Top notch shit. But comparing one’s sad sack life to a punk rock song, how dare me. Call the lawyers!

Seems about right.

My bad, bro. This whole HOFC thing is new to me. I’m all tongue twisted. My lack of originality is bleeding through. #97 Red, of course. I should reconsider my approach. Maybe start at square one, and give myself a trendy nickname. A real headline grabber. One that screams ingenuity, like yours.

The Hardcore Legend!

That’s not it. Icon?

Definitely not. Monster?

Shit…

Wait! The Hardcore Artist! That’s it.

Sorry man, there were so many to rifle through. I knew I’d get there at some point. But hey, congratulations on knowing your way around a thesaurus and google search bar.

Hardcore. Ha. Get fucked. The most overused term in our industry. I’m fairly certain it lost its lustre somewhere around #97. And no, not Red. Maybe consider extreme as an option? I hear that’s pretty COOL.

Speaking of COOL, can I borrow the Scottywood template? Pretty please? You got that Midas touch, bro. 

Pick a theme. Recycle a Ronald McDonald joke. Say fuck. A lot. Talk about spilling blood. A lot. Rinse. Repeat.

Is it plagiarism if you’re copying yourself? Nah. Much like that nickname, just lacking in imagination. Lacking so much so that I was able to lure you in with a single word. 

Porno.

Talk about a mind fuck, eh? Funny how the most entertaining thing you had to say came from that underhanded pitch. I had to man, you left me no choice. We’re all tired of listening to you read your biography off HOWrestling.com. You did veer briefly to read mine, so kudos, I guess. Certainly more interesting. Yet you still found time to obsess over Mike Best. Oh please, do tell me more!

Now, I’ve noticed you do bring up the Son an awful lot. You even went as far as to say you were going to beat my meat to send a message to Mike. Firstly, I do not consent to such a thing. Secondly, what message are you trying to send? 

It’s confusing, kinda like how you told me that when I step into your world you hope I enjoy standing up to shit. Come again? So in everyday life, you’re shit. And in your own world, you’re shit too? 

I’m not sure I follow. Maybe it’s because I’m pretty?

Let’s put this to rest though. There’s a glaring difference between you and Best. While you both come from the same era, he still reigns as the supreme benchmark of High Octane. You? Well, I was wrong in calling you a Nostalgia Act. You see, that would imply that at some point in time, people actually gave a shit about you. 

You’re nothing more than a fuckin’ doormat.

Prove me wrong. 

Oh, I totally appreciate the constructive criticism when it comes to the namesake of maneuvers bee tee dub. LBI. What was I thinking? Maybe I should crack open the NHL rulebook and snag any ol’ penalty outta there.

10 Minute Major for being a Sanctimonious Bitch!

Oh Scotty, you really shoulda let those fists do the talking. 

After all, I’m sure they would have landed better than most of those jokes.  But that’s okay. We’ll see whose laughing when I choke you the fuck out.

I hope you appreciate that Last Breath In…