Hey everyone. Dawn McGill here. Former LSD champion. THE Manager of Champions herself.
I’m here to cut a promo on behalf of the Sunshine God Rah.
In case you’re wondering why I’m doing the promo and not Rah, the answer’s pretty simple- Rah doesn’t do promos. Even though Rah and I aren’t on the best of terms at the moment for reasons I’d really don’t want to get into right now, when Barbie-Q called me and asked me if I would step in and cut a promo on my old friend… okay, not really… Jace Parker Davidson, I jumped at the opportunity.
Also pointing out for the record that I’m cutting this promo- with Rah’s okay- instead of Rah. So take that Sunny O’Callahan because that’s the way you get to speak for Rah- with Rah’s permission.
Oh and speaking of Sunny, if you didn’t watch the DEFINITIVE ERASURE last week and shame on you if you did, you don’t know that it was actually Sunny O’Callahan who was behind this whole ‘Defective’ Marty Pratt nonsense with Darin Zion. Poor Marty got dumped into the ‘Lake of Banishment’ and presumably will never return.
So after Sunny got busted in court for what she did in Missouri, and here’s a pro tip chickie- never tell a judge that ‘it wasn’t much of a crime’, Rah, in all his immaculate glory, came in at the last second and saved her ass. That’s right. The same guy this bitch tried to sue in court walked through the doors of the courtroom and worked out a deal with the prosecutor to keep her from going to jail. Instead of being behind bars, Sunny O’Callahan was sentenced to one year of supervised work probation and…
THE OFFICE OF THE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD- RAH
Mission Valley State Building – San Diego, California
Sunny O’Callahan is on her hands and knees scrubbing out the toilet in one of the bathrooms inside Rah’s headquarters while Barbie-Q stands behind her and watches.
Close up to her ankle. Sunny is wearing a BI Incorporated EX-600 Ankle Monitor Bracelet Tracer with a green light flashing on the outside as mandated by the Camden County Missouri court as part of her work probation.
She’s muttering an endless stream of unpleasant things under her breath with every scrub of the toilet bowl.
…well… let’s just say welcome back to Rah’s entourage, Sunny O’Callahan!
Now that we’re done with that unpleasantness, let’s pivot to another topic of equal unpleasantness- our good friend Jace Parker Davidson.
Jace. I feel like we really need to have a talk here. You seemed a little out of sorts a few weeks back before War Games. Man, you sure got your panties in a bunch and major sand in your vagina over Ray McAvay’s ‘circus’ and you whined that the whole section 214 thing is… and I quote… ‘amateur hour bullshit.’ I believe you also said that ‘Barbie Q, Zion fighting goddamn robots, the Les Misèrables is all Indy circuit, carny horseshit.’
Shocked I am. Totally shocked. I expect that type of harsh critique from my ex-husband Jackson C. Horne who hates anything that resembles what he calls ‘outlaw, mudshow playwrestling wrestling bullshit.’ Who knew that Jace Parker Davidson was such a dour and boring buzzkill too?
I mean, isn’t this the very same Jace Parker Davidson who once had an orgy with his wife… er, then wife.. on Lee Best’s plane doing hookers and blow during a Mile High Century Club that nobody, and I do mean NOBODY, needed to see?
Why yes. Yes it is.
So the same Jace Parker Davidson who once had an orgy with his wife on Lee Best’s plane doing hookers and blow during a Mile High Century Club… that nobody needed to see… is now the same bitter young fogey getting all pissy and bitchy about the Les Miserables supposedly sullying the hallowed halls of HOW?
You remember, the same hallowed halls of HOW that you disrespected in more ways than you can even remotely imagine when you blew off pay per view matches as the World Champion not once but twice?
I mean, if you were that offended by Ray McAvay, I feel you’re going to need to have an intervention… or at least a wellness check… when you completely lose your shit when Rah returns this week.
If you hated what McAvay did, dude you are really going to stroke out when Rah shows up this Saturday night for your match with his entourage. You hated the Les Miserables? Jace, you ain’t seen the carnival in all its glory yet because I know you’re going to lose your shit… you know you’re going to lose your shit… and the whole fucking world knows you’re going to lose your shit when Rah makes his entrance on Saturday night. It’s going to suck so much for you because since the champion comes out second, you’re going to have to just stand there, wait, and watch the entire four minute spectacle when Rah goes to the ring.
You’re going to really hate it when the former Arizona State sorority sisters come out all dressed up in Hawaiian flowery dresses, Hawaiian leis, and head gear, and sporting pirate patches in one eye and a stuffed toy parrot on their shoulder.
You’re going to hate it when they dance to the music with boat drinks of all kinds, having a grand ol’ time taking selfies of themselves with their cell phones.
You’re going to hate it when Barbie-Q comes out wearing a multi-colored bikini with a sash that has ‘Barbie-Q’ written out on it, a Hawaiian lei on, sporting a Mai Tai drink in her hand.
And you’re really going to hate it Saturday night when Section 214 returns… and it will because me, McAvay, Rah and a few others pooled our money and bought out the entire top section of Section 114 of the arena Saturday night. Now, it’s not going to be officially ‘Section 214,’ but I guaran-damn-tee you ‘214’ is going to be rocking all night long with all the fun, the frivolity, and the spirit of a Jimmy Buffett concert. But after Rah relieves you of the HOTv title, ‘214’ is just going to explode and the carnival of all carnivals will begin.
Here’s some free advice Jacey-poo. Better wash that sand out of your hoo-ha because you’re going to spontaneously combust when the real circus returns to HOW this Saturday night in Atlanta, Georgia.
When you said you hated Ray McAvay for ‘bringing this Hillbilly ho down crap to the hallowed halls of HOW,’ the first thought that came to mind was- did Jace Parker Davidson actually say that? Isn’t this the same Jace Parker Davidson who set Ray McAvay on fire in a locker room in the ultimate act of outlaw mud show, playwrestler wrestling bullshit just because Ray had the nerve to not put up with your shit and fought back every time you attacked him from behind? Aren’t you the same guy didn’t have the balls to face Ray man to man?
I mean, just how did that work out when Ray and you finally DID face each other man to man at War Games, Jace?
Yeah. It didn’t work out to well for you, did it.
How did that fireball taste?
And how did that McGill Bomb feel?
And Ray McAvay eliminating you from War Games without any other outside horseshit happening like in 2016– just how did that feel Jace?
Yeah. Karma’s a real bitch sometimes isn’t it?
But what really got my attention is that you had the gall to claim that Ray McAvay killed HOW in 2016.
Ray McAvay killed HOW? Really? That’s so rich coming the guy who did more damage to HOW because of your insufferable and ridiculously overinflated ego than Ray could EVER dream of doing. YOU walked away twice – no showed TWICE – pay per view shows while holding a world title… WHILE HOLDING A WORLD TITLE… and have the balls to suggest that it was Ray McAvay who killed HOW?
“As long as there is still breath left in this body I will make sure that this place, this title, and this legacy means SOMETHING! Whether this place is still standing or the son of a bitch goes out in a blaze of glory tomorrow. I am defiant and I will remain here as the pillar that keeps this dream alive. I will remain here at the fucking Gatekeeper to this legacy because it means something to me. I don’t forget where the fuck I come from. I don’t mock the place that made me who I am. And I sure as fuck abandon the thing I’ve done for the last half a decade. That blood, sweat, and tears I put into this place for years. The hardships I endured just to get here, they just can’t be thrown away for money, a reach around, and to be part of the in-crowd.”
Who said that? At first blush, you would think this would be something Ray McAvay would say. But it’s not. This was you, Jace Parker Davidson, who said this one month after War Games 2015 and right after the Chicago Five split for UTA. In fact JPD, this was one of the best promos you’ve ever done. And then you turned around and went full Jace Parker Davidson and did the exact same thing the others did just a few months later.
Shocked. Shocked I was that you would do such a thing.
While you and Tara were jetsetting all over the place scoring hookers and blow and having drug and booze filled orgies, Ray McAvay, Darin Zion, Brian Hollywood and a few other folks worked their ass off and did their best to keep the place open when it was clear HOW was winding down.
So fuck off with that Jace.
But getting back to the present, let’s talk about your little HOTv title defense Saturday night in Atlanta against Rah. It seems old baldy decided- once again- to book Rah in a title match in his first return to action, this time against you for the new HOTv title. I must note that Lee did the same thing in January when he booked Rah to face Mike Best for the World Title in his first HOW match back since 2016.
By the way, Jace. Does it bother you that Rah got a World title shot the first week he returned to HOW but you can’t get near a World title shot and you’ve been back for over four months?
Sorry. So snarky of me.
So here you are, the reigning HOTv champion going into the match Saturday night but I think a valid question has to be asked Jace- yeah, you’ve got the belt but what else have you done since you returned?
Sure, you beat Steve Solex to win the HOTv title last week but let’s be honest for a second- who hasn’t beaten Steve Solex?
I mean, Joe Bergman returned from heart surgery when he really shouldn’t have but still beat Steve Solex.
Solex had the backing of The Best Alliance who sent everyone and their mother into his match with Lindsay Troy and still couldn’t get the job done at March to Glory.
The only reason Solex even won the HOTv belt in the first place is because Darin Zion got sidetracked by that idiot ‘Defective’ Marty Pratt’s attack on Meredith at ringside and due to the confusion and distraction got shoved out of the ring.
This is your signature win since your return? Steve Solex? Well okay then.
So what other notable thing have you accomplished since your return?
Yeah. That’s what I thought. Oh wait… I nearly forgot.
(5/15/2021-Refueled LXIII- Best Alliance (Steve Solex/Cancer Jiles/JPD vs. Darin Zion)
JPD looks at his corner, confused as Solex and Jiles back away. JPD turns around and… THE BAN HAMMER! Darin Zion connects with a discus clothesline!
Zion covers… Boettcher counts…
Benny Newell: NO!!!!
Boettcher sounds for the bell!
Benny Newell: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Bryan McVay: The Winner of the this match…..DARIN ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!
Yeah, I’ll admit that was pretty memorable.
Well get ready Jace because Saturday night at Refueled, you will get to be a part of another memorable moment- the night that Rah finally wins his first ever HOW title. That’s right, in all the years Rah has been in and out of HOW, he’s never once won a title.
So Jace, when Rah lifts you up and slams you to the mat with the Eye of Rahhhhh, know this- Rah doesn’t care a whit about you.
Rah didn’t come back to put up in any of your self-entitled, petulant, crybaby complaints about sullying the hallowed halls of HOW.
Rah doesn’t care about your hillbilly ho skank you brought with you… what’s her name… Madison… Madiskank… whatever her name is.
Rah doesn’t care about that you’ve brought Carmen Jennings out of retirement to HOW just to be ‘your masseuse.’ In fact, Rah probably wouldn’t know who you, Madiskank, or Carmen were from some random fans coming up to him after the show.
Rah didn’t come back to HOW to settle scores.
Rah didn’t come back to HOW to fight with the Best Alliance, feud with you or feud with anyone else.
Rah didn’t come back for glory.
Why did Rah came back to HOW?
To have fun.
So after Rah powerbombs your ass through the ring, which will be fun in itself, he’s going to put that HOTv title belt around his waist- that’ll be fun, and then he’s going to return to Section 214 and have one hell of a party after the match- which will be even more fun. Why?
Because Rah has a license to chill.
Because no matter what- the boat drinks will always be cold and plentiful after the match.
But come Saturday night when Rah brings the HOTv title belt to Section 214, the margaritas, daiquiris and all the boat drinks are going to taste that much sweeter.
He may even have a Cheeseburger in Paradise to celebrate.
At Jimmy Buffett’s command, the concertgoers packed into the Ascend Amphitheater in Nashville, Tennessee extend their arms above their heads in a ‘fin’ shape. Then Buffett’s longtime back up band- The Coral Reefer Band- begin the song with a few bars of the “Main Title” theme from the movie Jaws which whips the audience, many middle-aged men and women, accountants, truck drivers, ordinary people escaping real life for an evening of bathing in the music from a tropical paradise in their mind, into a feeding frenzy.
Even at age 74, Buffett’s well-worn voice could still direct his army of Parrotheads into action. Tuesday night in Cincinnati, Buffett sounded a little tired- understandable for a man in his mid-seventies. But on Friday night, he was on his game and the crowd, ready to party, turned the Ascend Amphitheater into a kaleidoscope of bright summer colors moving up, down, left, and right.
Of course, everyone knew all the words to the song and belted it out.
Can’t you feel them circling, honey?
Can’t you feel them swimming around?
The fans respond to the chorus line of “fins to the left, fins to the right” by moving their already extended arms from left to right.
You got fins to the left, fins to the right
And you’re the only girl in town.
Standing at the top of the lawn section of the amphitheater, Rah dutifully did the ‘fins to the left, fins to the right’ move along with his entourage.
Surrounding Rah at the show were the ex-Arizona State University sorority sisters who once got caught on camera at a major league baseball game taking an endless round of selfies and completely ignoring the action on the field. They dressed for the occasion wearing shark hats, Hawaiian leis, Hawaiian shirts, hats made out of cardboard Landshark Beer cartons, and other decorative attire. Next to Rah stood Barbie-Q. She too dressed in festive tropical attire and sipped on a Mai Tai the entire show.
Then off to the side, not dressed appropriately for the occasion, pouting and outwardly giving off definitive vibes that said she wished she could be anywhere else but there at this particular moment of time- Sunny O’Callahan.
It had been a hell of a first half of 2021 for the Sunshine God.
The start of 2021 kicked off with some promise. Rah returned to High Octane Wrestling after a long absence and immediately found himself wrestling Michael Lee Best for the world title in his first match back. Rah’s first instinct was to try to leave the country but with the help and motivation provided by Dawn McGill and a boot camp-style training regimen, Rah ended up turning in the best in-ring performance of his career. Indeed, Rah had made the match very interesting until the champion upped his game and shut him down with elbows. The elbows then set up Best’s his lethal knee to the head and that was it for Rah.
On the completely unexpected front, a former member of Rah’s entourage back in 2010, Cindy from the Coppertone Suntan Bikini team, appeared out of the blue on his doorstep with the long lost son he never knew he had.
Then Rah got tangled up in the middle of an unlikely feud with rookie and fledging HR executive Sutler Reynolds-Kael over of all things- Rah’s age.
The upside to the brief feud with the Scion of Sons was Rah discovering and developing a new found appreciation for Sofia Boutella movies- of which Rah now owns every single film she appears in on DVD.
In the run-up to March to Glory to face Sutler Reynolds-Kael, Rah’s mother came down with a serious illness that proved to be a major distraction as Rah prepared for the big match. His attention split in multiple directions, Rah found it hard to get into training for the match.
Also adding to the maelstrom surrounding Rah at that time? The actions of and unpleasantness surrounding one Sunny O’Callahan.
After Rah reluctantly terminated O’Callahan’s employment right before March to Glory, the ambitious blonde from Ireland didn’t go quietly into the night. O’Callahan soon fired back at Rah by filing a lawsuit alleging ‘unlawful termination’ and that she worked in a hostile and toxic work atmosphere. The legal action scuttled any and all plans for Rah to return to the ring and consumed his every waking moment for the following three months.
Fortunately for Rah, a multitude of people rose to his defense during the trial including Barbie-Q, HOW backstage interviewer Blaire Moise, and most surprisingly- Dawn McGill.
Rah and McGill had not spoken in months. The last time they’ve spoke was a couple days before the Mike Best match. McGill went on her ex-husband Jackson C. Horne’s wrestling podcast and after a ‘slight disagreement’ on whether Rah deserved a world title shot, Dawn told Horne she would sleep with Rah if he defeated Best for the HOW World Title.
Unfortunately for Rah, he didn’t win, he didn’t get his big one-night fling with McGill, and the two went their separate ways.
However, when it mattered the most McGill came through for Rah. Her testimony proved to be the clincher, the final nail in the coffin of O’Callahan’s case and the judge summarily threw out the lawsuit.
Rah tried to approach McGill after the hearing on the steps of the courthouse to thank her personally. McGill brushed him off but not before sending a clear message to him…
“How about you get your shit together and try winning a match when it really matters and then maybe we’ll talk.”
Her words resonated with him as Rah drove-up the Pacific Coast Highway after the trial ended. After everything that happened, Rah just needed to get away and recharge. Peering off into the Pacific Ocean blue on a picnic bench at the Morro Strand State Beach, Rah came to some undeniable truths.
He’d been wallowing in the darkness for way too long. He needed to step back into the sunshine.
Rah had been coasting for the past couple years. Maybe it was time to make a concerted effort to commit himself to get back into the gym with the same fervor and intensity he did when McGill was his manager and leading him and Halitosis to tag team gold. He certainly went to the wall to get himself ready and fit the week of the Mike Best match and it come close to paying off.
He needed to get back on track.
He needed a new impetus… purpose.
Rah had come out with the same entrance he’d walked out to since his debut in 2010. Perhaps, it was time for a new entrance.
Heading back south on US 101 towards San Diego, Rah had the Margaritaville station on Sirius XM satellite radio on in his car and this came out of his car speakers…
It’s time to see the world
It’s time to kiss a girl
It’s time to cross the wild meridian
Grab your bag and take a chance
Time to learn a cajun dance
Kid your gonna see the mornin’ sun
On the Pascagoula run
Rah saw Jimmy Buffett’s ‘The Pascagoula Run’ as the sign that reinforced his view the time had come to change things up.
A couple weeks later, Rah received the text from HOW Sunday morning the 18th confirming that he’d be facing Jace Parker Davidson for the HOTv title on the 24th, he took it as another sign that he needed to get back to work and back into shape.
But the most definitive sign telling Rah he needed to embark on a different path came in the form of a text.
“Seriously. Get your shit together, win the damn match Saturday night, and we’ll talk– Dawn.”
Rah now knew what he had to do.