Oh, can I write a blog too? Please?
Fuck it, I’m not great at it but I’m doing it anyway.
I’m not a fan of tag team matches. Never have been.
I don’t like the responsibility of having a tag team partner, it bugs me. Having to worry about your tag team partner is worse than having to worry about your opponents most of the time. And a good majority of the time, you get stuck with some asshole you wouldn’t spend five minutes with under any other circumstance.
That’s not the case this week. I’ve got a hell of a tag team partner and one that I respect, in Dan Ryan. Why do I respect Dan Ryan? Cause I know that he’s a bad motherfucker. He’s a straight up terminator that isn’t afraid to take care of business, no matter who it’s with and how bad the shits gotta be.
But even though I respect Dan Ryan, I wasn’t interested in this match at first. I’ve got a lot of other shit going on right now, but as soon as I saw the official request come down the pipeline and I saw that Darin Zion was in the opposite column to me, I knew I was going to make an exception and I did. I made the exception because…well…because I can always fit whooping Darin Zion’s ass into my schedule.
But what about Mike? Don’t you have to fight Mike too?
What about Mike? Do you honestly believe that Mike is going to stand there and fight with Darin Zion at his side?
Get the fuck outta’ here.
I don’t even think it’s legal in the United States to team with Darin Zion and wear gold Jordans at the same time.
I mean, I guess he could go get some new shoes and ditch the gold Jays. But he’s never going to do that, that wouldn’t be his style.
This is going to be one of those feel good moments, ain’t it?
This is going to be the wrestling match where Darin Zion goes out to the ring and battles his little heart out. Where he fights with all of his might. Where he goes punch for punch, slam for slam with Steve Solex and Dan Ryan. He doesn’t win the match…but he wins in life. And all the while, Mike Best watches on from his corner.
At first, Mike’s frustrated.
But as time goes on and as Darin Zion refuses to surrender, he eventually earns Mike’s respect and then they hug with fireworks exploding all around the arena.
Nah, nevermind. That’s gay.
Needs more guns and America.
And less Darin Zion.
Darin, Mike is never going to like you. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s true. You’ve been pining for it for years, but the fact of the matter is that Mike thinks he’s better than you. Mike doesn’t think that you are worthy enough to lick the mud from the sole of his boot.
And you know what?
He’s right. You’re not. You fuckin’ dork.
Putting you in a tag team with Mike Best is like putting … fuck, I can’t think of anything that’s worse than putting Darin Zion in a tag team with Mike Best.
November 13, 2023
Saint Anthony Hospital
Solex marches down the cold and glaringly white hallway of Chicago’s Saint Anthony Hospital. His black Wolverine boots thud against the freshly waxed tile floor, echoing off the walls in the silence of the night shift, each step louder than the previous. He pushes open the door to room 403 and suddenly, he stops on a dime.
“Holy shit,” Solex says under his breath, his voice barely a whisper.
He stares across the room, over to the bed against the far wall and where his friend NECKBONE Jones lies, a tangled mess of tubes and wires. The rhythmic beep of the heart monitor and the hum of the ventilator create an atmosphere thick with tension. The sight of NECKBONE in this kind of condition is rattling to Solex, but he keeps his emotions tucked away.
Two weeks ago on CHAOS, at the Best Arena in Chicago, Jace Parker Davidson attacked and beat NECKBONE Jones with a baseball bat. As a result of the beating at the hands of JPD, NECKBONE Jones suffered three broken ribs, a ruptured spleen and has been dealing with internal bleeding. He has been on life support for the last couple of days.
Solex stands perfectly still as he battles his emotions and suddenly his eyes begin to well up. A fierce blend of anger and sadness overcomes him as he clenches his teeth and snarls.
“Hey, how ya’ doing?” A male voice breaks the heavy silence as the door to room 403 creaks open again.
A man, dressed in blue scrubs and white New Balance shoes, enters the room and brushes past Solex. The man casually walks across the room and over to the foot of the bed. He reaches down and unhooks NECKBONE’s chart with a practiced ease and begins to look it over, flipping through the pages.
“So, what’s the deal, doc? Is he gonna pull through or what?” Solex clears his throat and asks, holding his chin up high.
The man looks up from the chart and with a half hearted smile he says, “Yeah, I think he’s gonna be alright in a few days. But, I’m not his doctor. I’m his nurse. My names, Derek.”
Derek reaches out his hand for Solex to shake, but instead Solex takes a step back and gives Derek, the male nurse, a perplexed look.
“What’s that?” Solex asks, acting as if he didn’t hear him the first time.
“I’m Mr. Jones’ nurse, Derek,” he says again, this time with an eyebrow raised.
Solex, seemingly taken aback at this revelation, just stares down at Derek’s hand for a moment and then looks back up at his face.
“You’re fuckin’ with me, right? Is this a rib? Who sent you in here?” Solex fires off the series of questions in rapid fire mode with a tone of complete disbelief.
“A male nurse?” Solex asks with a sideways, sarcastic grin as he points at himself.
Derek rolls his eyes at Solex, clearly unimpressed. For a second, he seems to search for a good response but instead of engaging, he just stays silent and begins jotting notes down on NECKBONE’s chart. Once he’s finished, he places the chart back on the hook. He quickly makes a b-line for the door, but Solex, still wrestling with his confusion, steps right in his path and blocks exit.
“Are you a volunteer or something? Is this your community service for probation or some shit?” Solex asks with a whisper as he rubs his chin and places a hand on Derek’s shoulder.
With a close lipped smile and raised eyebrows, Derek softly shakes his head no as he knocks Solex’s hand off of his shoulder.
“What the fuck has this world come to? What’s next, male stuartists?” Solex says as he turns his back on Derek and places his hands on his hips.
With Solex out of the way, Derek yanks open the door and walks out. But just before the door and slam shut, Derek shoots his hand out and holds it open just enough that he can peek back in the room.
“Oh, and your friend…let’s just say…you might want to start making arrangements,” Derek says with a heavy and ominous tone.
Solex rages and in an instant, he reaches for the door with the intent of getting his hands on the male nurse, but Derek cracks a devilish smile and forcefully slams the door shut, leaving Solex alone in the room with NECKBONE and absolutely seething.
Solex’s mind begins to race as the beeps and hums of the machinery once again fill the room. Solex’s head hangs low as he walks over to NECKBONE’s side and places a man on NECKBONE’s massive shoulder.
“Don’t worry, buddy. I’ve got it under control,” Solex says in a low roar through clenched teeth.
“Jace will get his, you can fuckin’ count on it.”