Dearest Michael.

Dearest Michael.

Posted on March 27, 2024 at 3:27 pm by Silent Witness

Dearest Michael,

Well, my old friend, it’s been a long time since we squared off against each other. I’ll be honest, I don’t even remember the match itself, I just remember the result – the same outcome it has always been. Silent Witness gives it a good ol’ try, but just can’t quite get the best of Mike Best. 

Add to that the absolute shitshow of a career that I’ve had over the past decade – come back, win a couple of matches, disappear. Come back, lose a couple of matches, disappear. It’s like listening to a promising band’s disappointing second album on repeat, over and over again. Nobody wants that. I sure as fuck don’t want that, but that has been my career in HOW since… what… 2013? 

You said it yourself, when you have been around as long as you have, you start to notice patterns. You have seen exactly what happens when Silent Witness comes back to HOW – it starts off pretty well, everyone gets a little bit excited, and then… nothing. I don’t need to tell you how disappointing it is – you’ve been there. You’ve experienced it. 

I do wonder, though, Michael… Have you spotted the other pattern that is emerging? I think you might want to pay attention to it, because it’s something of an ominous message for you. 

Before the never-ending carousel of disaster that I have endured, things weren’t so bad for your old buddy here. I had quite a run with that title you cling onto with an iron fist – you remember, you were there. I beat your… brother? I’m sorry, I’ve been away for a while, I don’t quite know what your relationship is anymore with that fucking lunatic Max Kael. But whatever it is, I beat him for the HOW World Championship, and then I went on a nice little run there for a minute. 

Sure, it ended prematurely, thanks to Rhys Townsend smashing my face to pieces, and it has taken me almost 12 years to accept and come to terms with the fact that I let the company down by allowing that to happen. So, I understand your hesitation to believe in me. Hell, if I were to look at this objectively, I would question why Silent Witness even made it this far. I mean, Scottywood was washed up, and Hanson was coming back from a long layoff, but Ward? How the fuck did I beat that monster?!

Oh, by the way – I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Hanson is fucking obsessed with you, man. Maybe when I’ve relieved you from the burden of carrying that belt around… I don’t know… Give him a call? Take him out for dinner? I don’t know what he wants from you exactly, but jeez…

Anyway. That pattern…

This isn’t the first time I’ve had a run of disappointments, followed by a long layoff from HOW. The first one was in 2009 – I was burned out, I was struggling, and I went on a lengthy hiatus. I didn’t come back to HOW for almost three years – when I returned for the LBI. 

Do you remember what happened, my friend? Let me remind you…

I came back to HOW and I was on fire like never before – I mean, I was damn-near unstoppable. I went on a run where I made people stand up and take notice when I returned at the beginning of the new year. I beat damn near everybody that your father put in front of me for six months, until I could not be ignored any further. I earned myself a shot at the HOW World Championship, and then I beat Max on back-to-back editions of Thursday Night Turmoil to cement my position as the guy in HOW at that time.

So, when you’re looking at your patterns – in my mind, it looks something like Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting – have you noticed the similarities? I went away for years, I came back, I beat absolutely everybody in my path and I earned my right to fight for the HOW World Title.

And then I won it. That’s the final piece of the puzzle, isn’t it? To complete the pattern, I just need to win back-to-back matches at March 2 Glory. Then it will once again be my time to be the guy.

That pattern… It’s fucking uncanny.

You might be thinking to yourself, well sure, but that was 12 years ago. What the fuck have you done since then, Witness?

To quote Eddie Murphy: What have you done for me lately?

Well I’ll be blunt about it – fucking nothing. That’s what I’ve done lately. Ever since then, whenever I have been in HOW, it has been a short-lived, largely disappointing experience. 

You can insert your own Brooklyn Nine-Nine reference there, Michael, I have no doubt you know exactly what I’m talking about…

So, what’s different this time? Why the fuck should anybody take me seriously this time, when I say I’m back and I’m ready to fucking go? Well, the short answer is… me. I’m different.

You know how it is. There are times when you just don’t feel it. You’re just going through the motions week-to-week, but you’re missing that spark. You handle it a hell of a lot better than I do – you said it yourself, at 80% you can beat 97% of the roster, 97% of the time. Because… wrestler math.

Well, right now, I’ll be honest with you, Mike. I am fucking feeling it. I’m on a tear like nothing I’ve experienced since… Well, 12 years ago. And, y’know… It occurs to me that maybe on those occasions where we have faced off against each other… Maybe I haven’t ever been at my best. Maybe this weekend, Mike Best versus Silent Witness for the HOW World Championship will be the first time that I’m riding that wave and you will be the one coming in at 80%.

How about that? 97% of the time you can beat 97% of the roster. But what if I’m in that three percent that can beat you? What if March 2 Glory is in that three percent of the time where you can’t beat 97% of the roster, and you’re stuck down here with the rest of us, in normality?

You see, Michael, normally when you go one-on-one with another wrestler, you have a 50-50 chance of winning. But if I’m in that three percent, and this is that three percent of the time that you can’t walk over anyone on the roster… That gives you a 44% chance, at best, of beating me. That gives me a 56% chance of winning, and add to the mix that I am on my game like you’ve never experienced before, making that an unknown factor for you, and you have a 50-50 chance of losing. So you can take your 44% chance, minus my 50-50 chance of beating you, leaving you with a 22% chance of winning at March 2 Glo-…

I’ll stop there. I think I’ve made my point.

I love ya, Mike, you know this. But it’s going to be different this time. I’m on record saying that you are the greatest professional athlete of all time that isn’t named Michael Jordan, and so far when we’ve fought, it’s been like watching the Bulls take down Patrick Ewing and the New York Knicks in the 90’s.

So I think it’s time I changed things up. I need to evoke the Detroit Pistons and employ ‘Best Rules’. I will be the Isiah Thomas that brings Mike down to earth. Without the fucking hatred for each other that those two had, though. 

Because I’m not here to repeat the mistakes of the past, Michael. I’m not reaching for an axe to chop down the beanstalk, in search of a Golden Goose. We’ve been there, we’ve done that, and I’ve lost every fucking time.

And that’s why, as adorable as it is that you believe in Steve, it has to be me. You’re begging for someone to remind you of who you are? Well, I’m begging you to fucking remember. 

Because the narrative has to change. Our narrative, or my narrative in general – they both can be rewritten at March 2 Glory. Since I’ve been back in HOW, I’ve talked about getting back to the top of the mountain. Well, you are the Everest of HOW, Mike. The greatest professional wrestler of all time*, in my opinion. What better way to prove that Silent Witness is back – and I mean fully fucking back – than reaching the highest possible summit there is?

*You might want to trademark that before Jace steals it – trust me, he’ll fucking try. 

This is the opportunity I have been waiting for since 2013. But more importantly than that, this is the opportunity I have been fighting for since 2022. You see, I didn’t just come back to HOW on a whim, Michael. No, no. That’s the kind of bullshit I’ve done in the past and it has never worked. I’ve been quietly working through my own issues, preparing, training and getting myself into the best shape I can. All for this moment. And I don’t want to do it by beating a coasting Mike Best.

So get your fucking ass in gear, Michael. I can tell you this as your friend, but also as your next opponent – this isn’t all about you, you fucking selfish prick. You say that you love HOW, while telling all of us that you can’t even muster any desire to even want to be here. While telling us you’re so much better than all of us that you don’t even consider any of us worth worrying about. While telling us that, quite frankly, you do not give a fuck about the HOW World Championship. That’s why it has to be me. Because I still care about it as much as you did when you were throwing up in the hotel sink. I know I won’t sleep a fucking wink before March 2 Glory, but when I’ve beaten you – especially if you actually care about it – for the World Title? Hell, I’ll sleep like a baby…

And I know, I’ve just called you a selfish prick after spending the past ten minutes ignoring three people that want to make sure I don’t even make it to the main event, let alone walk out with the belt. So like I said, it’s not just about you. John, Charles and Steve will be paying attention to what I have to say, too. So let me take this moment to congratulate all three of them, because every single person that advanced from the LBI as group winner absolutely fucking deserved it. One of five men will walk out of March 2 Glory as HOW World Champion and whatever happens, whichever one of us it is that takes the belt from the ungrateful incumbent… HOW is going to be represented by a worthy champion again. 

But it has to be me. Now, I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to finish a fucking story, or complete a video game – against the final boss or otherwise – because I’m not that pathetic. But I haven’t gone through all of this shit – bankrupted by Lee Best, living on the streets, ruining my own fucking legacy with ill-advised returns – only to come back and lose to John fucking Sektor.

No offense to John, I respect the fuck out of that guy and I think of him as a friend in the same way as I do you, Michael. But I am not here just to make up the fucking numbers. 

I’m not here to lose to Solex or de Lacy, either. I don’t really know Charles, and the last time I was here, Steve Solex was something of an afterthought on a typical HOW card. Clearly, things have changed because he’s as scary as anybody in HOW right now. I respect what both of those men have done to reach this point. But this is the point where it has to end for all three of my opponents in this Fatal Four Way.

I know we’ve done this more times than either of us can keep track of. I know you feel like there is nothing left to prove here, and I know that you have your doubts about my longevity in this company. And they are fucking valid doubts to have, man. So the only way I can prove that this time is different is to fucking do it, because I’m not going anywhere, my friend. So I have to become HOW World Champion.

And you can choose your own adventure for my motivation as to why, Mike. I’ve just given you some of the reasons why it’s my time. So I’ll let you decide – is it to finally climb that mountain and beat you? Is it to restore my legacy by becoming HOW World Champion again – and fucking sticking around for the whole ride this time? Hell, if only to prove to myself that I can do it, never mind what you think, or what anybody else thinks.

Maybe it’s just to get back at the General Manager for all of his bullshit these past few weeks. Jace said on the go-home that whatever I do, I will always lose. Maybe I want to shove that down his throat by winning twice in one night and walking out of Madison Square Garden with the HOW World Title draped across my shoulder. Or maybe it’s because just by talking about the LSD Title a few times and actually showing up to work, I’ve made that the most-talked about championship in HOW. Maybe, as much as I would love to take that belt away from Jace, I believe that the HOW World Championship should always be the number one belt that people want to win. But because the current champion doesn’t even want to fucking be at the shows, because he’s so fucking jaded, so disconnected from what’s going on from week to week that people have stopped giving a fuck about him or the belt.

I guess the answer is some combination of all four, if I’m honest with myself. I need this more than you need to see Steve Solex take over from you – if anybody truly can take over from you, or at least the version of you that became the best to ever lace up a pair of boots. The version of you before you got lazy. So, I can right four wrongs in one night, and to achieve that, I need to do just three things:

  1. Survive the Fatal Four Way
  2. Climb Mount Everest
  3. Stick around, prove I’m here for the long haul, while restoring the reputation of the belt you have neglected.

That is how I restore my reputation, too – and that is how I knock some fucking sense into you to make you care again.

How hard can it be?