So as usual it’s been a long road to War Games. Somehow this time of the year always brings out the Best… and the Troy.. sorry, worst in the people of HOW. I get it, emotions are high, everyone is pouring so much work into a match with so much at stake, but only a few will truly walk away with anything to show for it.
I can only imagine the stress that Lee Best is under, wondering how his team is going to perform at War Games.
Oh wait, no need to imagine, cause the fucker has been blowing up my phone about the match. I get just HOW important this match is, I’ve probably wrestled in more of these since 2008 then anyone in HOW.
Stevens! Check that fact for me… sorry, I’m sure Mike ripped your asshole apart enough this week already.
Yes, yes, I understand I’m fighting Team Conor Fuse at War Games and not Lee, Stevens or thankfully Mike Best.
Conor Fuse is not leading the team? Troy is? Sure, whatever she wants people to believe. I guess I’ll give her that at least before her team completely implodes to that of The Best Alliance. I mean one could say that it’s… cute she thinks her rag tag bunch of grapplers think they unionize together and take down a team that has four Hall of Famers and enough World Title reigns, ten in the past 2 eras, to make Dan Ryan cream his fucking pants in envy… though let’s be honest, Ray McAvay’s one, the only one on that team by the way, would do the job too.
I know, I seem to be picking on Dan Ryan a lot these past two weeks. But that’s what happens when a pest finds a rotten piece of wood in a house. It zones in and attacks until it destroys it. I know you have this tough as fuck facade Dan that you maintain, just throwing a fresh coat of paint on that shit every year in hopes that no one will notice the crumbling foundation. I know you came to HOW in hopes of replicating some of that same success you have had in other feds across your long… long ass career. But you failed… and still fail to realize that HOW is a totally different beast from those so called world class promotions that have long since bit the fucking dust.
It was over three years ago when HOW returned and we signed this foursome of wrestlers that were gonna be the new future of HOW. They were supposed to take us all by storm, making Lee’s panties wetter than a fucking slip and slide. Dan Ryan, Lindsey Troy, MJ Flair and High Flyer. HOW many World titles did you all win over the past two plus years? HOW did you do in that War Games match where you were actually on Lee Best’s team? Not including that War Games match, you four blew four shots at the HOW World Title… three of those were you Dan… three!
Only took me two singles or triple threat World Title shots to win my World Title Dan. Yeah, bet that fucking stings a bit. That Scottywood, the man whose only jab you got after he shaves his head, is to dis the smell of his hair, has more HOW World Titles than you. More Tag Team, LSD and even ICON Title reigns than you do here. Sure, try to say that over all those years even a blind squirrel can find a nut, but nobody just wanders into anything else! You wanna keep treating me like a fucking joke Dan, well you won’t be laughing when this squirrel takes both his nuts and jams them down your fucking throat at War Games.
I have one fucking job here at War Games Dan, and that is to make sure none of you fuckers walk away with the HOW World Title. Like I said, I don’t have crazy dreams of winning the World Title come Sunday… that ship seems long since sailed for me. I had my moment at the top of HOW… and it was fucking amazing. I’m sure you’d fucking love it Dan… but it’ll bring me so much more joy just to see you not win the World Title as if I were to actually win it.
There are much bigger things at stake and I’m thinking far past this match Dan. I know you have to live one day at a time, grateful for each morning you wake up and don’t die in your fucking sleep from old ass age. But in HOW you have to have a long game plan. Know you have to adapt, cause Lee Best is the master at fucking curve balls. Have a plan but be ready to capitalize when opportunity knocks.
Nobody has any fucking idea what my plan for HOW has been for a long time, I’ve held it close to the so called vest. But when Lee Best wanted to make this deal for War Games, when he was so desperate to beat you, Troy and her fucking twat clingers, I knew it was time to strike.
Oh there are so many that better hope that Team Best Alliance don’t win because I plan on make some people truly fucking miserable in HOW. Sorta how they have made me feel over the past many, many fucking months here. But hey, nobody is paying to listen to me bitch on and on, there is enough of that already in HOW.
They pay to see me make people bleed and tear flesh off bodies. Laugh all you want at the word anarchy, but it’s the best word to describe what will happen inside that War Games cage. There will be very little wrestling come Sunday. So throw on some rest holds Dan, cause if you enter anywhere near the start of the match, I’m sure your ass will be blown up before the last entrant even appears. Meanwhile I’ll be covering the canvas with your #79DER blood.
Get it, cause your the fucking opposite of everything HOW is Dan.
Drone on and on about your fucking family some more that no one gives a fuck about. Honestly, no one is gonna feel sorry for them if something horrible were to happen to a man that has no fucking bussiness in this match anymore. But fuck, I guess if I had the horrible luck to be your family, I wouldn’t want you to retire either. Then I’d have to actually spend time with you… now that’s some fucking torture. But I’m done with you Dan, I just hope you don’t break something before I get a chance to do that when I enter the match.
Because I got another dead horse to beat and that is Lindsay Troy.
Whom I’ll pay probably my first and only compliment to the woman, who with my head being shaved has been anointed the new Ronald McDonald of HOW. You’ve managed to do something that no one else has been able to do in HOW history… and that is successfully ball-gag Darin Zion and keep him from talking to anyone in HOW over these past two weeks.
I know you think that someone like myself might guide him down the wrong path leading to War Games… or he may spill some super secret tactics you have come up with. Fair, since he digs himself into even worse holes than Scott Stevens sometimes. But don’t you worry just how easy that has been? Do you wonder why you’ve been able to do something no one else in HOW has managed to accomplish?
Sure, keep believing that you’re some super scary bitch… everyone here in HOW is a super scary bitch. Plus most of them have a much longer list of accomplishments here to back that up than you. I’d think it would have been obvious, but you are so blinded by the thought that you can actually win this match, that you haven’t seen the Zion right under your nose that is going to implode your entire team.
Darin Zion is a Troyjan Horse.
You may wonder why I would come out and tell you this Troy, why I would spill our secret so close to War Games. Well the easy answer is because I know you won’t believe a single word that comes out of my mouth. Plus the fact that you’ll be cutting your final promo minutes before the deadline to air them on HOTv, you’ll never have time to watch something by someone you don’t even consider a threat in this match.
Maybe Dan Ryan can fill you in. I’m sure he has plenty of time to watch promos after he has gotten tired of watching Jeopardy episodes where he doesn’t know a single fucking answer. Sorry, they keep coming to be Dan.
Then he plants that seed of doubt in your mind. That maybe I’m telling you because I know you won’t believe me, so you think maybe you should believe me, unless that was my plan all along. It’s a vicious cycle of mental games that is never ending, until Darin Zion clocks you across the back with a steel chair and proves that has been a Best Alliance plant this entire time. I mean it was Lee Best himself that placed Darin Zion on your team after all.
HOW much more obvious can this be Troy? I seriously just can’t believe that after all this time in HOW you haven’t learned that Lee Best can’t be trusted and that fucker will do whatever he has so his guys come out on top. Even hiring Darin fucking Zion as a double agent on your team.
It’s not even that Lee needs to have Zion in his pocket to beat you and your team Troy, but it’s the complete brilliance of the plan and the utter humiliation it will leave you in. Not because “ZION” cost you the match. The man is easily the most underrated person in all of HOW. It’s because I know you have been trying to take him under your wing like some kind of mama bird. Trying to teach him to fly like he hasn’t already soared higher than you ever have in HOW. By the fucking way, I seriously feel sorry for any child that ever has to call you a mother Troy. Honestly, I always thought it was creepy how people always call you mom here… like how shitty was your own mother to think that Lindsay Troy is a comparable figure.
But HOW is full of fucked up people… so no surprise there aren’t a bevy of positive parental role models in the family trees.
I know you won’t take a single word of this to heart though Troy, you got that tough skin, unlike some of the soft fuckers here in HOW who can’t take an ounce of criticism. It’s a rare positive of yours…. One that will sadly bite you in your ass when Darin Zion turns on you in a glorious I told you so moment. Or when you lose and we can trace it all back to you doubting Zion after weeks of effort building him up. HOW much is that shit gonna suck, literally might break the stitches in my skull laughing.
In the end though, just like others with your first name, your going to be a giant fucking disappointment. One that along with Dan Ryan maybe we can finally rid from HOW and complete the sweep of the four of you out to the fucking trash. Proof that not matter the fucking hype some come in here with, HOW will fucking eat you alive if you aren’t truly strong. Not just coasting along with some fake ass facade built on circling jerking each other off.
I know, dirty words offend your fucking ears Troy, another reason why you don’t belong here in HOW. I can’t even cunt the number of words that get your panties twisted in that tight twat of yours. Please, pull the fucking stick out of your ass, because if you don’t, I promise I will at War Games and proceed to beat the shit into you in that cage.
So there we are, the end of the road to War Games. The hype words and pointed jabs are rendered essentially meaningless as all we have left is the most important part, the actual fight. War Games was my first match in HOW… and if this is my last, I will have zero regrets. It’s almost poetic, in a quote the raven, nevermore kind of way.
It’s been a hell of a ride here in HOW. One I never want to stop, but we all know that at some point, the road comes to an end. Unless your Dan Ryan and you keep driving right off into the water until you fucking drown cause you were too stupid to stop before when you should have.
Which is all fucking hilarious cause I am actually older than Dan Ryan. But I was smart enough to join HOW many, many years ago and accomplish shit here when, to be fucking honest… and state the obvious… I was in way better shape, physically and mentally. Sure, I’m channeling the spirit of Scottywood from two thousand and eight… but I sell my soul to GOD to have my body from back then.
Or did I? What was in that contract I signed with Lee?
So cheers to everyone in War Games… except Troy and Ryan. Fuck both of you as I hope you two die of humifaction at War Games as you both once again choke in the biggest match of the year in HOW. Don’t worry, I promise we’ll give you a proper burial by having Jiles dump both your bodies off the side of the USS Octane, I’ve heard he’s getting pretty good at that shit.
Gitty up mother fuckers… unless you’re Troy, maybe stay away from anything that even may or may not be a horse… just in case. Regardless though of and horseplay going on, this shit is going to be crazy and I can’t fucking wait for the complete anarchy that is going to happen… at mother fucking War Games.
::Scotty reaches down and cracks the cap off a bottle as he raises it up to show it is Raging Bitch by Flying Dog Brewery as he smiles and points at someone… we’ve never try to guess who… and downs a large portion of the bottle of Belgian IPA before we cut away from The Hardcore Artist for the last time before War Games.::