Latest Roleplays
“After listening to Dan Ryan’s last promo: I have to ask:
Does Dan Ryan give refunds?
Seriously that’s a question Lindsay Troy should be asking herself after the only piece of original content to come out of Dan’s mouth was about fucking my dog.
It’s 2021 and I shouldn’t kink shame. If face fucking Lassie will heal Dan Ryan’s fragile ego then…good for him I guess?! Maybe Dan is secretly a furry: I don’t know!
It sounds like Danny Boy screwed the pooch on his chances to win with the shit he just regurgitated.
Seriously, if I wanted to hear The Best Hits Collection by Mike Best; I can just tune in to that content on HOTV. I can avoid the charisma vacuum known as Dan Ryan struggling to deliver a shitty punchline.
What’s the matter,Boomhauer?! You numbed half the roster’s brains with the shit you dropped. Still tripping over your lines trying to cram a sentence into one word? Looking for that cool and edgy jab to puff up your deflated ego?
It’s what I would expect from someone who lost to Mike Best. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Everyone’s gotta Be Like Mike to pick up that next W. I get it; I was there 4 years ago, Danny Tanner. I looked for that cheap attention and dodged all the criticism when I lost too. I feel your pain, man. This too shall pass.
But it’s time I get real with you, Dan the Man. I’ll level with you straight. I’m tired of sitting asleep at the wheel. I know my past three years in HOW have been uneventful. We don’t need to relive that shitty sob story 5 billion more times. It’s a broken record just like all the Matthews jokes you and the rest of the HOW roster talk about in your shitty side Discords.
I know the importance of this match. I know who I’m fighting this week, a man who lived out my dreams at ICONIC. It’s no laughing matter for me. Your reputation precedes you, Dan. You command the respect out of the HOW locker room. You’ve fought harder than any other person on this roster and you blazed a trail of blood. Your words hit hard, but your fists hit harder.
And I really hate telling you the cold hard truth, Dan, but you’re about to get beaten by this so-called walking abortion.
You’re not stepping into a normal HOW match. This is HOFC bitch! You think all the stories GOD tells you about it makes it a nice fit for the high and mighty Dan Ryan. You come in thinking your God’s Greatest Gift to wrestling and then reality sets in. This environment is much more cold and unforgiving. This shit is more real. I made that mistake once leaving the comfort of PWX putting on the same tough guy shit you did; and I promised myself I wouldn’t make that same mistake twice if I ever re-entered the Octagon.
It doesn’t matter if you’re the HOW World Champion or if you main evented ICONIC.
It doesn’t care about your reputation or your resume, Danny Boy. There is no respect in HOFC! There is no mercy for those who have no spine. It’s eat or be eaten alive in that cage, and I’m damn sure not ready to be your complimentary feast. I know which Darin I have to be to survive and it’s neither one of those two you mentioned.
I have to be cold, calculated, and decisive. I can’t flounder around and debate which Dan Ryan I’m facing like you keep doing with me. Sure, you’d like it if I coasted or missed the mark. But this isn’t a Chile’s and you can’t be indecisive like some Baby Back Bitch.
I want to feed your anger, Danny Boy. ME WANT DAN SMASH MODE! I want you to lose focus and only care about killing me. Hell, bring that coat hanger you speak about highly. I’ll knock it out of your hand, wrap it around your throat, and choke the life out of you before you can count to III.
I don’t need your self-help bullshit to win. It’ll just happen naturally. Unlike you I haven’t lost focus. I’ll knock your head off with my Discus Clothesline and BAN your ass from the tournament.
You’ll choke just like every Texan does.
PS FUCK YOU! I don’t need to stoop to your level you sick fucking cunt!”