Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Posted on April 7, 2023 at 8:00 pm by Darin Zion

It’s a beautiful, clear night in the Oklahoma City area.  The moonlight glows through the golden drapes in Mickey Mantle’s Steakhouse board room.  Tonight, a special event is held in honor of the most esteemed guests OKC’s ever had grace their city—THE LOVE CONVOY’S OWN Jonathan-Christopher and Vickie Hall.  The red-dyed oak table is decked out in #97Purple, PRETTY PINK®, and #97Red heart-shaped balloons.  Only the finest silk PRETTY PINK napkins are placed at each seat.  Fine custom-made boxes of #LOVESTILLDOMINATES chocolate in #97Purple and silver lettering are left for the three guests.  To top it all off—a priceless bottle of Chateau Cos d’Estournel sits as the centerpiece for the guests to enjoy.

World renounced OKC violinist Kyle Dillingham welcomes in the guests playing a violin rendition of 2B1’s tag team theme song – Spice Girls’ “If You Wanna Be My Lover.”  As JCH enters the foray—he mouths the lyrics “Tell me what you want…” under his breath.  His eyes dart across the room, glowing in reverence that the crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling.  Welcoming his wonderful bride Vickie Hall, he extends her hand out, twirling her like an elegant dancer—sweeping her off her feet.

Her glowing, love-filled eyes sparkle back at the man of her dreams.  She adjusts her special rose gold tiara, for once speechless.  Jonathan-Christopher leans down, giving her a gentle peck on the forehead before pulling her seat out.  She pulls up on her silky, airy dress.  The blond curls shake as she shouts with glee.

Vickie Hall:  OH MY JONATHAN-CHRISTOPHER!  THIS IS SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL!  VERY LOVELY, MY DEAREST!

JCH shrugs his shoulders while his Giovanni loafer taps against the carpeted floor.  As he struts his way in style, Jonathan-Christopher adjusts the color of his Calvin Klein grey suit jacket—his best friend REAL LOVE ® Darin Zion enters the room.  In both of his hands, two magnificent crystal vases filled with #97Purple and #97Red roses.  Zion sets on vase in front of Vickie and the other next to JCH.  He slides two, sparkly silver envelops to his partners—each with a customized calligraph message.  Both sob as Zion snaps his fingers for the meal to be served.

JCH leans over, nudging his BFF in the shoulders.

Jonathan-Christopher Hall:  Fantastic man!  I owe you one for tonight.

Shaking so much from excitement, Vickie’s about to burst from the seams.  Her face is blushing a bright red.  A high-pitched squeal expels from her lungs before she screams out.

Vickie Hall:  OH EM GEE!!!  THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!  Seriously, Zion!  You’re such a lovely individual spoiling us tonight.  How can I repay you, hon?

Zion flutters his wrist, dispelling her thoughtful gesture.  Folding his hands together, he bows his head, grinning at both his guests of honor.

Darin Zion:  I’m the one forever in your debt guys.  Seriously!  A Year Ago—no one could imagine Darin Zion would main event a single second of HOTv Programming.  Most people write it off as another gift for the loyal workhorse and laugh me off.  Jonathan-Christopher and Vickie—you’ve sold me.  I’m a 4EVA HALL-MARK.  You’ve gone out of your way to improve my image.

JCH pulls his lovely wife in, wrapping his muscular his darling wife.  She wipes away a single tear with her pink handkerchief.    Vickie’s flutters her big, poofy eyelashes at her best pet-project while he continues.   Zion reaches over for the bottle of wine, pouring both members of 2B1 some bubbly.

Darin Zion:  You’ve given me a career renaissance that’s made me the #2 Overall Wrestler in HOW…

Vickie Hall:  Eww…

Jonathan-Christopher Hall:   Let him finish dear, the resume we built him is a big one!

Darin Zion:  I’m the 4EVA PRIME TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS with one of the greatest best friends in the world.  Now, I’m the 4EVA PRIME ALIAS CHAMPION racking up all the wins and belts across the UNIVERSE…

Choking up, Zion pauses to control his tears.  His voice trembles while he continues his toast.

Darin Zion:  They—They—They say a man doesn’t understand love until he can listen to some of those sappy radio love songs and FEEEEL their lyrics.  I—I—I don’t have the words to express the love I feel for both you Vickie and Jonathan-Christopher.  LOVE only scratches the surface of this deep, inner connection I feel in our exclusive relationship.  You’ve shown me how LOVE CONQUERS ALL.  How powerful and tough love is in-between those ropes.

The tacky, beaming, full-teeth grinning smile of Zion comes on full display.  His belly shakes with laughter while he tries to hold his composure.

Darin Zion:  You’ve never given me up; never let me down, never ran around, or deserted me in the toughest stage of my career.  I couldn’t think of a better way to show my appreciation for you guys.  Chaos 027’s main event is more than enough of a gift you’ve given me.   When I topple the Kings of Everything’s Throne, when I pry the Crown Jewel of LOOOOOVE of his dirty, filthy hands….I promise to show the world the LOOOOOOVE you two showed me.

Darin Zion picks up his wine class filled with water.  Before Zion can complete his toast—Vickie interjects herself into the mix—cutting him off at the pass.

Vickie Hall:  WAIIIIIIIT?!  Shouldn’t you be joining us in drinking wine?

Darin Zion:  HAHAHAHAHA!  Oh Vickie!  Your humor always fills me with delight, my little lovely.  I’m down to the leanest weight I’ve been in a long time.  These chiseled, jacked 215 pounds of pure steel simply will not allow me to indulge in all the wonderful amenities I’ve given you two.  Gotta keep disciplined to strength the power of love.

Zion flexes his more tone, refined biceps at Vickie.  As he stands up, his more defined, thicc AF calf muscle rub against the fine purple silk of his glowing suit.

Darin Zion:  While I’m still sticking to my regiment of pure beef, salad, water, and potatoes—the testament of the good ole fashion hardworkin’ Sooner blooded Oklahoma-American farmer.  Tonight’s only the first milestone.

Zion directs Vickie Hall and JCH’s attention to the monitor on the wall.  A vague picture of a #97Purple Leather strap is shown on screen.  A sadistic smile forms over Zion’s face.

Darin Zion:  Let’s toast to the future possibilities of LOOOOOOOVE my LOOOOOVELIES!   At Chaos 027—we will usher in a new era in HOW.  One that fills the hearts and minds of the audience.  One that proves to the world #LOVESTILLDOMINATES.

All three members of the LOVE CONVOY clink their classes together, exclaiming out.

Jonathan-Christopher Hall:  To LOVE!

Vickie Hall:  To LOVE!

Darin Zion:  To LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!

==========

A brisk, gentle gust of wind blows across the Bricktown area while the stars twinkle in the night sky.  It’s a beautiful, 69-degree April night—the perfect night for a ride on the OKC Water Taxi.  Darin Zion booked a private, guided tour of the Bricktown Canal for the three Convoy members.  And the playful lovebirds JCH and Vickie Hall are loving every minute of the experience.

Re-enacting the Bow scene of the Titanic—Vickie rushes to the front of the boat.  Her arms fly out, flailing against the wind.

Vickie Hall:  I’M FLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYING, JONATHAN!  I’M FLLLLLLLYIIIING!

Jonathan-Christopher Hall:  Yes, you are my dear.  You’re the queeeeeeeen of my world.

The Vow of Virtue wraps his arms around his lover’s hips, resting his chin against her shoulder.  Both of them nuzzle a bit, sharing a peck while Zion’s nose deep in his iPhone.  Darin types away like a frantic mad man, finalizing his night plans at the Omni Hotel with Gina.

Gina Thakker
iMessage
4/3/23 8:23pm

–everything in place for the big moment?

-yes, Darin.  I’ve got the champagne in place and the pink velvet box ready to go

–And the Mimosa, sans the alcohol for me
Gotta stay in tip top shape for my date with destiny
Jacey-Poo’s gotta have a rock-solid Zion as a tengo partner

–YEEEEES!  I made sure room service gave you sugar free, gluten-free everything for you.

-<3 U Gina!  U da best
this is such an enchanting evening!

–Glad to help you!  Jackson’s gonna be excited to hear the story.

–Yes!  For sure!  Did you make sure the photographer had our room key?
Wanna make sure they can sneak in and get in a PRIME position

–Everything’s taken care of Zion.
No snafus!
I promise!

–Vickie and JCH are gonna be so excited when I pop the question.
It’s the perfect love story:  just like you and Jackson.

–Speaking of which…good news!  My Jackson-bear is comin’ home!!!
They’re releasing him from Norman Regional 2MORROW!!!

–WOO HOO!  He gets to watch the big match from the comfort of his own home.
I know he’ll be screaming, yelling, and threatening to break the TV
Trust me, there’s gonna be twists and turns in the match this Sunday

–He’s just as excited to watch it with me and Easton.
TTYL!   HOPE IT ALL GOES WELL!

“AND ON YOUR RIGHT IS THE HISTORIC LAND RUN MOMUMENT.  IT’S A BEAUTIFUL COPPER RENDITION OF THE BIRTH OF OUR WONDERFUL STATE.”

Zion’s head flies up from his phone as the old tour guides voice shrills.  Both Vickie and JCH start to head back to their seats.  Vickie’s sandwiched between her two boys.  She begins nudging Zion stiff against his shoulder, snickering under her breath.

Vickie Hall:  YUCK!  That old geezer thinks this state is majestic.  It is filled the smell of cow pies and hick Tobacco spit.  SOOOOOO DISGUSTING!  BLEEEEEH!

Jonathan-Christopher Hall:  YEE HAW!  GOTTA BUILD STATUES FOR THEM HORSIES AND COWBOYS.  YUCK-YUCK-YUCK!  BANG BANG! Shoot ‘em all up!

Both Vickie and JCH gawk at what little beauty Oklahoma has to offer, but Zion’s reaction tells it all.  His shoulders fold down, his face sags towards the ground slightly.  He sulks for a moment, extending his arm out towards a part where the river and the statues intersect.

Darin Zion:  It’s actually one of the most beautiful sights to me at least.  It’s one of the reasons I keep coming back here so often.  There is where my brother Jackson purposed to his wife.

JCH’s interests pique at this prospect while Vickie folders her arms across her chest.   Reflecting on her and JCH’s proposal, her look becomes sullen.  She soaks in the moment while JCH and Zion converse.

Jonathan-Christopher Hall:  WAIT?!  REALLY BRO?!  That’s cool!  Tell me more about their story…

Darin Zion:  God, JCH…it was a fucking trainwreck.  You talk about funny engagement stories—Jackson had the worst luck.

Chills rush over JCH’s back while his body cringes and contorts at the thought of failure.  Shaking his head, he leans in more, hanging on Zion’s every word.

Darin Zion:  The ring got stuck in transit for a few weeks.  The photographer got sick and cancelled.  Hell, he made this beautiful lock for Lovers Bridge AKA Scissortail Bridge.  HUUUUUUGE French culture thing OKC made their own.

Jonathan-Christopher Hall:  WAIT?  A LOOOOOVER’S BRIDGE!  Vickie, we gotta go buy a lock and do that!  That’s sooooo cool!

Vickie nods her head with a small twinkle in her eyes.  She turns her body towards Zion while he continues to share the story.

Darin Zion:  But anyways he put the engagement date, their intials, varnished it the whole nine yards.  He tried to send the pictures via Snapshat.  But the damn thing glitched including her on their chat.

Holding his heart, Jonathan-Christopher Hall folds over onto Vickie’s lap.  His eyes roll into the back of his head for a moment.  He retorts with gibberish towards his wife.

Jonathan-Christopher Hall:   Be still my beating heart.  Be still!  OOOOOOOH!  I feel that man’s pain.  Did he save it?  Was it a surprise?

Darin Zion:  OH YES!  They had a picnic over there.  The poor man worked his ass off to rebound it and make the perfect day.  But the stoic Jackson’s couldn’t control his verbal diarrhea.  His brain melted and he went into an uncontrollable apology session.  Gina had to nudge him to get to the point and pop the question!

Vickie Hall:  TEE HEE!  Sounds about right for the guy to do.

Vickie and JCH share a glare before Jonathan-Christopher shrugs his shoulders. Shaking his head, he blow it off.  The Timid Tiger’s eyes beam like the stars in the sky.

Jonathan-Christopher Hall: MAAAAAN!  I gotta say I was wrong about Oklahoma.  It’s a lover’s paradise in some ways.  Sure, it’s got flaws.  It’s not perfect like me and Vickie.  But there’s beautiful stories everywhere.

Darin Zion:  Yeah, figured you guys would enjoy that.  It’s a magical place filled with love.  You need to take time to absorb it in.  Hopefully soon we make it the Capital of Love this weekend when I come home with the #LOVESTILLDOMINATES Heavyweight Championship.

Jonathan-Christopher Hall:  Another love story in the making!

Vickie Hall:  HOOOOOONK!  HOOOONK!

Darin and Jonathan turn their heads towards Vickie, all three letting out a huge cackle.  After they all take a huge breath—they all look around, absorbing the beautiful sights on this romantic evening.

==========

After a long night of sight-seeing and amazing food—the three original members of the LOVE CONVOY make their way back to their private suite at the Omni Hotel.  All of them have changed into their bathing suits—now lounging comfortably in their private hot-tub.  Jonathan-Christopher’s feeding grapes to his wife, caressing her inward thigh—preparing for their own little love-making session in their private quarters in the room.  Both relax, kicking back watching Zion chow down on some carrot sticks and sipping on his sugar-free mimosa—sans the alcohol of course.  Their eyes widen while Zion’s actually enjoying his regiment.

A quick flick of the wrist from Zion summons his servants.  They pour Jonathan and Vickie some more Dom Perignon.  Vickie and JCH watch their legs float to the top of the water.  Their eyes flitter for a moment, enjoying every ounce of pampering they’ve received.

Zion snaps his fingers while one of the butlers brings over an elongated PRETTY PINK® velvet box.  Handing it over to Zion, REAL LOVE® holds up the box as an offering to his friends.

Darin Zion: Vickie, like I texted you yesterday.  It’s time to make this official.

Clearing his throat for a minute, Zion reaches over to take a sip of orange juice.  He struts close over to his friends who turn towards him.

Darin Zion:  You two have been my guardian angels through thick and thin.  We’ve had joyful moments and turbulent ones since we met last March.  It’s hard to think of a better foursome than you guys and TCG.

Jonathan and Vickie’s eyes begin to glisten like diamonds while Zion continues to address the duo in front of him.

Darin Zion:  Tonight, I wanted to show you how important our relationship is to me.   I hold it near and dear to my heart.  While we’ve faced trials and tribulation—you never gave up on me.  I never gave up and quit on you two.  It’s what love is…you don’t walk out on it when you face challenges.  You cherish it, foster it, and deepen those connection.

Zion flips open the box to reveal 3 golden rings with 3 front row tickets to Chaos 027.  Vickie claps her hands—her body quakes with excitement.  JCH gives a simple nod and a wink to Zion.  REAL LOVE® drops to one knee in front of Vickie and his BFF.

Darin Zion:  Guys this is the biggest challenge in my career.  I step into the ring against my Final Boss-the longest reigning LSD Champion in history.  I damn well know JPD is gonna come armed and dangerous for his encounter.  He’ll bring Abullah Choi, STRONKETTE, 72 well paid virgins…the whole damn 9 yards to gain whatever advantage over me.

Zion takes a deep breath, closing his eyes.

Darin Zion:  Jace is a manipulative opportunist—ready to take short cuts to protect that championship at all costs.  And you both know me well—I’m not the type of person to ask for help.  I wanted to wait until the right time to do this.  And tonight’s been magical while we’ve deepened our personal relationship.

With her perked up ears, Vickie starts rubbing her hands together.  She’s jumping up and down as the words come right out of Zion’s mouth.

Darin Zion:  Guys—it’s time to extend the LOVE CONVOY’S reach within the PWA.  It’s time to show the world LOVE CONQUERS ALL.  I need all three of you helping this Sunday.  If you smell anything funny from Jace’s camp—lunge over that damn barricade.  Neutralize all distractions.  PROTECT OUR CROWN JEWEL TO THE GLORY OF LOVE.  So….will you help me bring the LOVE CONVOY TO HOW at Chaos….

Vickie Hall:  YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS MY LOOOOOOVELY!  YESSSSSSSSS!   YES!  A Thousand Times yes!  I didn’t think you’d ever ask!

Vickie flies out of the water, wrapping her arms around Zion’s shoulders.  She takes the box and twirls it around, admiring it. She bolts out of the ring shrilling so loud everyone on the top floor can hear it.  Jonathan casually walks out, getting right in Zion’s face.  Extending his fist out, both he and Zion pound it.

Jonathan-Christopher Hall:  Smooth AF, Dare-Bear.  You’re gonna make a great LSD Champion.  #LoveStillDominates #GoZION #HOOOOOONK!  I gotchu, man.  I’ll protect your back like I protect my darling wife.  Keep busting your ass boy.  Don’t forget you can do it.  I’ll keep being that wind beneath your wings, bro.  Give Jace some TOUGH LOVE® for us.

Zion nods as JCH exits the scene.  As sinister smile wraps around his face while he bites down on his lip.  He whispers under his breath.

Darin Zion:  You wanna fuckin’ play, Jace.  I’ll fucking play your damn games. Two can make their opportunities count…

==========

“Jace Parker Davidson—HAVE A FUCKIN’ SEAT.

It’s 11:59 on your reign as LSD Championship.  ONE MORE MINUTE TO RELISH the love of your life.  But unfortunately, your pride blinds you.  You think you’re coasting into another, banal day at the office.  You’re listening to that broken record that’s left you feeling void. You’ve lost all sense of purpose in your life doing the same, boring, tasks-letting your rage harden that heart of yours.

But instead—you’re missing the biggest blind spot, the biggest vunerability in your title reign.  And last week exposed it to the entire world.

Jace Parker Davidson is a quitter.

It’s not a new trend.  Millions of fans around the world have witnessed your pathetic fragile eco on live television.  From ICONIC, PWA-01, M2G, Chaos—they’ve all seen you bitching and whining like a sad pathetic mark.  Everyone hears it in your whiny, little Karen voice.

‘WOAH IS THE ALMIGHTY JPD—I gotta do something I don’t like’

‘BOO HOO!  LEE BEST STABBED MY EYE OUT!”

‘I DON’T WANNA WRESTLE HARDCORE GIMMICK MATCHES, I’m too pitiful.  Gimme that flippy dippy, hard hitting, strong style cruiserweight bullshit.  I wanna easy night off.’

‘WAAAAAAA!  I got an easy night….give me some real challenges.’

‘SOB SOB SOB!  I’m in a tag match…I’m beneath those…”

All you’ve done is run around, crying like a pathetic ungrateful, spoiled child, complaining about doin’ some hard fuckin’ work.

It’s the same language that you used the last time you were upset in HOW.  You’re starting to throw in the white flag when danger floats.  You’ve become QUIT. QUITTER. QUITTERSON.  It’s sad, but you’re turning into HOW’s own Sir Robin—when danger rears it’s ugly head, Triple Q turns his tail and runs.

Don’t believe me?  Let’s ask Tara about how you quit on your marriage.  Let’s talk to Scott Stevens about how you walked the fuck out on him.  Hell—you did it to me too.  Let’s not forget Sam Tolson.  Little bird told me you wanted to run outta dodge when she dropped the L word on you.

Now you’re giving up on the LSD Title too.  All you talk about is STRonk STRonk STRonk.  LEE!  LEE LEE!  You go home sobbing because the world isn’t bowing to your greatness anymore.

Why should we?  You’re tied for the #5 wrestler in HOW—trying to avoid title defenses like the plague.  When Lee stabbed your eye out—you sat on your goddamn hands vowing revenge, but doing nothing to change or better yourself.   You’ve turned into your abusive father who beat your damn mother.

You’re probably about ready to go out for smoke and never gonna come back too.

Piss off!  Spare me your gaslighting and manipulation.  You know you’re handing onto your LSD Title by a fuckin’ thread.  You’ve lost sight of how important this title defense is.  You’ve forgotten to value and LOOOOVE your precious LSD Gold.

Hell then you’ll probably quit like you did in 2016 too.  You’ll probably beg ole LT for a PRIME job like the thirsty little man slut you are.

Because deep down—you fear what happens.  The moment you lose that golden ticket around your waist—Lee Best’s gonna line a fucking bounty on your head.  He’s gonna offer a War Games spot to whichever one of the Midcard Knights of Knee kicks your ass.  He hellbent on humbling your ass.  You’ve made off handed comments not taking Lee seriously.

But I don’t because I appreciate my #LOVESTILLDOMINATES Title.  She doubly secures my spot at War Games.  She moves me to the #1 Ranked Wrestler in HOW.  She hands me another wrestler of the month trophy.  She’s my ticket to all the main event glory I’ve fought for over my entire career.  She’s the apple of my eyes.  She’s why I fight like hell and stepped up against a Final Boss like you.

She gives me strength to move mountains and conquer kings.  And that’s why I’ll beat your ass for the title.  I believe in the Power of Love.  I believe LOVE CONQUERS ALL, it still dominates.  And this crazy little thing called love will become a CHAMPION.

So piss off with your irrelevant hot takes and conspiracy theories.  I’m doing this for MY LOVE.  I’m rescuing her from your toxic clutches and manipulative soul. I’m coming into the Tulsa to rescue my princess from the castle.  Grab her ass and hold her in the sky like the prize she is to me. I’ll keep on lovin’ her.  You ain’t gonna stop me from gaining gold. And when I pin your ass in the middle of the ring….

I’ll expose you for the quitter you become.”