Posted by Christopher America
Of course Mikey knew what it meant, he’d been using it for years at the bottom of events and signings. It’s his get out of jail free card when something comes up. Of course the event could change, but when someone uses that for promotional purposes, well that’s just…. That’s just genius! Mikey can’t believe he’d never thought of that before.
Sitting on a sidewalk table at a Roman cafe Mikey glares at the newspaper in his hand. The sweat rolling down his forehead. Not due to the heat, no..it’s a sunny but fresh spring day…of course it’s due to the many drinks consumed on the long flight across the Atlantic last night. He struggles through his headache. Flipping the paper over he pulls it down and tosses it across the table where we now see his tag team partner sitting. Both men sip their hot lattes.
Kendrix: I can’t believe they didn’t know what an Oreo Double Drip Frappe was. Hell,…they didn’t even know what a regular Oreo Frappe was! What kind of hell is this? Why would Lee Best insist on holding March To Glory in such a place, Mkey? Why? Why? Why would he do that, why?!
Mikey manages to delicately release his tag partner’s desperate grip around his shirt collar.
Mikey: No clue Bruv! Everything here is old, I almost had a #frappattack! After a long night of drinking and resting, you KNOW I need that delicious Oreo crunch first thing in the morning! Now my whole day is wrecked.
JFK removes a pack of Oreos from his rucksack and some Ice from the latest Hollywood Bruvs #FreezerBox before adding them carefully to his hot latte. All the while he tries to console his bruv.
Kendrix: It could be worse, you could have to face The Hollywood Bruvs for the HOW Tag Team Titles in just a couple of days!
Unlikely visibly shudders at the thought of fighting himself.
Kendrix: Imagine thinking we’re just here to tell jokes…
Mikey’s fist hits the small table shaking the glasses, temporarily shaking Jesse off his emergency Oreo Frappe creation.
Mikey: That still whipps my frapp! I don’t even TELL JOKES!
Jesse begins to shake his creation with excited anticipation in his eyes.
Kendrix: Like, I don’t even know any jokes. When someone asks me to tell them a joke at partys I tell them to fuck off and show me where the beers are at, innit?!
Mikey: Whenever I see a comedian on the street or someone trying to be funny, I trip them and knock them to the ground, because that’s what makes me laugh! They just don’t know us very well in High Octane yet. They’ll learn Bruv, they’ll learn!
Jesse hands his emergency Oreo Frappe creation over to his Bruv who appears overwhelmed by his best friend’s kind gesture.
Mikey: Really? You made the first one for me?
Mikey: Totally Obvs!
At that moment, before they could Gluefist, the Cafe owner joins the Bruvs at their table, confused with why he’s seeing a pack of strange looking biscuits on his table. The duo in turn stare up at the owner looking down at them, his hands on his hips, not looking happy.
Cafe Owner: Non puoi portare il tuo cibo in questo bar. Non autorizzato!
The bruvs immediately turn their focus towards each other, eyes squinted, perplexity splashed across their face. They both look back up at the owner and then back at each other again with the same look.
Kendrix: I got this Mikey. My mother’s Italian.
Mikey: Dude, you speak Italian?!
Jesse shrugs his shoulders.
Kendrix: I don’t know, I never tried but I mean, I’m half Italian right? That’s why I have that slight tanned look the chicks dig. So in theory I should be able to.
Mikey nods along.
Mikey: Huh, now it all finally makes sense. Why didn’t you tell me this before?! I would have left this Italian book of phrases at home.
Unlikely looks upsettingly at the price label on the book laying on the table in front of him.
Kendrix: Bruv, I tell you every day!
Cafe Owner: PER FAVORE!
The owner’s impatience, clearly justified with what we’re all seeing to be honest, has gotten the better of his professionalism. Mikey’s eyes widen at Kendrix, encouraging him to get on with the Italian language. Jesse rolls his eyes and gets to his feet to meet the Cafe Owner’s eyes.
Kendrix: Erm, bwongiornio mate…erm…Mio…
Kendrix looks over at Mikey with a smile on his face.
Kendrix: Mio means me, I think.
Mikey throws his bruv an encouraging and impressed double thumbs up.
Kendrix: Erm, shit where was I? Oh yeah! Erm…Mio…Wanta
He points towards the pack of Oreos on the table.
Mikey: What the hells a Frappuccino? It’s a Frappe!
Jesse looks down annoyed at the interruption after he was doing so well with the Italian.
Kendrix: Bruv, I’m handling it. They call Frappe’s Frappacinos in Italy. They’re the ones who invented them, remember?!
Mikey: Hmm, I don’t know…Seems legit!
Jesse puffs out his cheeks, exhausted with switching between two languages before turning his attention back to the Cafe Owner, gesticulating his clasped hands up and down in prayer mode.
Kendrix: We ah like…a…drinka le coffee…o with le oreaero and le Ice..o
Jesse winks down at Mikey, proud of his communication skills.
Mikey: Bruv, isn’t Le…French?
Jesse shrugs impatiently now.
Kendrix: Dude, I don’t know, I don’t care. I just want to drink my seventh Frappe of the day. Is that too much to ask?
The Cafe Owner simply gestures to the packet of Oreos and wags his finger at the Hollywood Bruvs and walks back inside his cafe. Jesse proudly takes his seat again.
Kendrix: Naaiiiillleeeed It!
Mikey raises his emergency frappe in salute of his partner’s efforts.
Mikey: Yeah, I’m pretty sure that wag of the finger meant I could drink this and you should make one for yourself as well. Good work! I can’t believe all this time you spoke Italian. I wonder what languages I speak!?
Not even waiting for Mikey to finish his sentence, Kendrix had already reached into his two bags. Licking his lips upon tasting that sweet sweet semi cold oreo frappe taste, Mikey looks on in thought.
Mikey: Where were we? Oh yeah…WE DON’T TELL JOKES! Bruv, I HATE it when people think we tell jokes. I mean don’t get me wrong. We totally love to lure them into a false sense of security…we’re known for doing that! Ah yes, the bright lights, the entertainment, the SHOW of it all, that’s my favorite part.
JFK snickers, still concentrating on his frappe creation.
Kendrix: We should encourage them to continue to take their eyes off us and focus attention elsewhere. That’s what people have been doing with us for years and yet not only do we dominate every fed we’ve been in… we change its culture.
Unlikely, raging on all the caffeine, stands up and shouts.
Mikey: AND. THATS. AN. UNDENIABLE. FACT!
He sits back down, holding his arms out for balance.
Mikey: Then we fuck off and go somewhere else where they pay us more money and do the same thing there! It’s always been our nature…That’s why I always laugh when people say “You have to love wrestling to be in this business.” Bruv, let me tell you, I fucking hate wrestling!
A faux shocked look crosses the face of JFK.
Mikey: I do! The Hollywood Bruvs are all about the Sports Entertainment! The lights, the glitz, the glam. We’re here for the cash and fame. I don’t understand how everyone isn’t like that. Come in. Flex. Leverage. That’s what this industry is all about.
Kendrix: Listen, I sometimes feel sorry for the old broken down guys who wrestled for years and made no money for the ‘love of the sport’. I feel sorry that they aren’t more like us!
Unlikely shakes his head. Sipping his Frapp-a-coction.
Mikey: They just don’t get it Bruv. The formula is simple.
Jesse happily completes his own formula and finally takes in a deep swig of his eighth emergency Oreo Frappe of the day.
Kendrix: That’s the difference between us and them. People like HATE, and Troy and Ryan. They are passionate about professional wrestling, about hurting people. We’re passionate about taking advantage of people’s passion for wrestling. Hell we will scratch and claw at any opportunity that arises in any given match to make sure that, at the end of the day, we are the ones standing tall and who take home the titles because that’s what we’re passionate about.
His tag team partner is taken aback.
Mikey: Bruv, that was perhaps…PERHAPS…the most passionate quote I’ve ever heard! You’re right though. Unlike everyone else we’ve not had to fake anything. We’ve been open and honest from the start, and if I can be frank…it’s quite refreshing!
Now Jesse looks confused.
Kendrix: Well if you’re Frank, then who am I?
Mikey: No fake little groups where we turn on one another. No pretend friends. No broken promises or lies. Just 24K all day long. It’s beautiful.
He turns to Jesse now.
Mikey: Bruv…. We have to face our bruvs too…. Perf and Murphisto. I don’t know how to look at that.
JFK slaps Mikeys arm to wake him up.
Kendrix: It’s like a gift from GOD! Are you kidding me! 4 on 2 on 2 on 2. We clearly have the advantage. We said we wanted to do one thing when we got here, and that’s shove their faces in 24K gold. Now we can. No one else in that match is going to be watching each other’s backs like we are. No one is going to have their entire squad ringside, let alone IN THE MATCH.
Nodding along Mikey wants to agree.
Mikey: Perf has our backs. He has since Dynasty Days. Guys loyal to those who are loyal to him. It’s not him I’m worried about.
Kendrix: But Mikey, if it’s not me, and not James you’re worried about, then who!?
The camera zooms in on Mikey dramatically.
Jesse Fredricks waves him off.
Kendrix: The big lad? Nah he’s cozy as a cub! I think I saw him sip a frapp the other day. He’s in!
A big sigh from the Hollywood guy.
Mikey: I don’t know Bruv. Yes I outsmarted him and signed him to an exclusive contract. Yes I’ve barred him from wrestling in America other than for me. Yes, I’ve kept him away from earning a decent living and had his gym shut down. I just don’t get why the guy doesn’t like me tho! Can he not see I’m trying to help him? Teach him about the good life?
Jesse shakes his head in disbelief.
Kendrix: It’s a weird one. Especially when you list all the good things you did for him like that. He just needs time I guess. No one can become a Bruv overnight. Remember that Bruv school we opened? We tried to teach people to be like us but Nobody was getting it.
Unlikely blows out his cheeks in a deep sigh.
Mikey: All that time and effort we put into those dorks.
Kendrix. I know, right?! I mean maybe we should have kept the school open for more than one day…but still…people were trying to have the same connection we have that’s seen us sky rocket to the very top of this business for the last three years…and they all failed miserably.
Mikey checks to see if the cafe owner is onto them but signals all is good. The Bruvs take another sip of their favourite beverage.
Kendrix: My point is, give Murrphisto a break. Trust me on this one. I mean, what better time for him to prove his worth than on Saturday night at March To Glory when he helps the Hollywood Bruvs to those Tag Team titles.
Unlikely is easily convinced.
Mikey: You’re so right Bruv, I don’t know why I’m worrying, everything has been coming up ALL BRUVS lately! Murrphisto will come around! He’s going to sip a frapp, hit the stripee clubs with us, and glue his fist just like the rest of us. What about HATE though!?
A scared looking Mikey downs his Frapp-a-coction. Kendrix has strong feelings.
Kendrix: Ugh! I hate HATE! Nothing I hate more than HATE! In fact, I hate the fact that I hate HATE! so much! Remember when I moved HATE! from number 100 on my list of 100 things that I hate? You know the one on the fridge? Well, as soon as they were put into our title match I moved HATE! to number 1 on the list.
Mikey: I don’t even know who HATE are!
With a tisk and shake of the head Kendrix replies.
Kendrix: I hate when that happens!
Thinking about it for a second Unlikely thinks he has.
Mikey: You know what they always say Bruv, defeat HATE with LOVE! So we’ll use BruvLuv to defeat HATE! I mean really… HATE is a brand new tag team. No chemistry, no trust, no experience, no BRUVerhood! It’s teams like this that make High Octane fun! We get to fight everybody! This is the opportunity we’ve been waiting for. The opportunity I’VE been waiting for just to get the Bruvs back together. The HOW Tag Titles are going to look SO GOOD ON US! But what do you think about this story? Card Subject to Change?
Mikey points to the newspaper.
Kendrix: You what?! I thought there were just 5 Tag Teams in this match? Card Subject to Change? That’s a pretty shit Tag Team name. Now there’s 6 teams?!
Unlikely shakes his head.
Mikey: No, no, no Bruv! Apparently they’re changing the rules on us! Mixing it up somehow, but not telling us until we get there. Trying to keep everyone on their toes. Trying to OUT ENTERTAIN the Bruvs! CANUEVENIMAGINE!?
Jesse slams his cup of coffee down on the table in disgust.
Kendrix: Is this how they do things in HOW? Mikey, we are professionals. Everywhere we have been, we have been treated as such. We get our own locker rooms, they’re fitted with their own Starbucks and McDonalds just like we demand in our contracts and we are told the rules of the match and who we are facing in order to completely prepare ourselves for our matches. Quite frankly, this whole thing smells fishy, if you ask me.
The Hollywood Star licks his lips.
Mikey: I do love that BIG BREAKFAST! Hits me right in the feels every time. They better not put any fish on my breakfast though! It is what it is, we’ve had to work with no notice before, mystery opponents, mystery flavored frapps…were known for being risk takers!
He brushes off his own shoulder like its 2010.
Kendrix: It’s bullshit, that’s what it is. We don’t know if one fall will win this match or if it’s elimination rules. We don’t know if it’s Tornado Tag or regular Tag rules. Card subject to change? Are there going to be more tag teams added to the match? Or are the Scary Group of Death killers going to replace Lindsay Troy and Dan Ryan with a couple of their other lackeys on their payroll like their make up guy and tea lady to defend the titles?
Now he takes a big glug of his Frappe to calm the nerves!
Kendrix: People round here keep changing their minds. First Red and Ted were in, now their out because Ted’s off to take the World Title from that bumbling countryman of mine. Whose to say those guys won’t be back in the match by the time we arrive at the arena on Saturday?! They certainly deserve to be there…not as much as 24K but definitely more than the plastic champs!
Mikey: EVERYBODY STAY CALM!
Theres no one else around. But Mikey has seen that his tag partner’s positivity about the upcoming title match has dropped somewhat.
Mikey: Jesse, we know one thing about this match….
They stare at each other.
Kendrix: What’s that!?
Mikey: The Hollywood Bruvs have a shot at the High Octane Tag Team championships…and EVERY SINGLE TIME that it comes to the Bruvs and tag team titles….
He pauses to keep Kendrix on the edge of his seat.
Mikey: The Hollywood Bruvs always find a way! … And this time… the odds are even better!
Kendrix takes another sip of his delicious oreo frappe, waits a moment, thinking hard about those last few words from his Bruv.
Kendrix: The odds in the ring are in our favour for sure. Even without Murrphisto and Perfs, I’d always back us to take home the gold. Having them there sure as hell gives us the advantage. But honestly…
He leans forward in his chair, eyes focussed on his partner.
Kendrix: …We came into HOW over a month ago. We went for the big guns in this company from the off and it was fucking perfect the way we did it. We’ve been riding that wave ever since with no repercussions. And in this business, you know as well as I do that what goes around eventually comes around.
Jesse rests his back against the back of his seat and wags his index finger at his partner.
Kendrix: Inside the ring, sure, the odds are in our favour. But you know as well as I do that we’ve got to keep an eye out on what’s happening outside that ring. Because knowing the egos of that merry band of so-called murderers, they’re gonna want to see us fall flat on our faces and they’re gonna want to be the ones doing all they can outside that ring to make sure their new found little puppets retain those straps.
They share a glue fist over the table.
Mikey: …And that’s why we roll in numbers, always…we all know the deal. This is more than just a Tag Team title match for us. This is our time now to back up what we have done and said ever since Refueled 16. We pulled off our plan back then to perfection and we all know the plan walking into this match. We must put it into action. Failure for 24K is not an option. We HAVE to win this match.
Jesse nods his head confidently in agreement before signalling to the Owner for the bill as the scene focuses on his Bruv leaning forward, resting his elbows upon the table in front of him with the tips of his fingers on both hands pressed together.
Mikey: Mark my words, Bruv. March 28th at March For Glory. When all is said and done, by hook or by crook The Hollywood Bruvs will be taking our golden opportunity and we’ll be standing tall alongside our brothers with the High Octane Wrestling Tag Team Championships raised above our heads.
The scene fades as Mikey throws a couple american singles on the table as the Bruvs leave the cafe.