“…” Max Kael on the likelihood of QT Reese winning at HOFC1.
QT, my friend, it’s called negotiating! I extend a more than fair offer your way, you then counteroffer. I then have the choice to accept or extend a counter offer of my own. I thought, with you being the entrepreneur that you are, that you would be familiar with the art of the sale. I guess you are more like Skylar Montgomery than I thought. He too was a fucking idiot.
I like the idea of owning Reesemart. I’d probably change the name to “BobbyWorld” though. I’d lower the prices of everything, since they’re such shoddy products that no one could afford anyway. Then, I’d add some weird multiplier to every purchase that simply confuses the hell out of everyone. And when anyone asks what the multiplier means, I’ll just yell at them and call them idiots, while pointing them in the direction of some useless post that doesn’t clarify a single thing!
This bossing thing seems easy! I don’t know why so many people complain about it!
Now you want to be the best friend of Cancer Jiles? Just because you didn’t like my sales approach. Well, I was once the best friend of Cancer Jiles, and let me tell you, it’s not as good an idea as you may think. Don’t get me wrong, he’s got a fine set of coattails, that are sturdy enough for my formerly fatass! But he’s kind of stingy with the spotlight. Doesn’t share accolades well. And he hates when you bring him ideas.
With you being an ideas guy and all, be prepared to “sleep on it”. Like, A LOT!
You should also be mindful of the fact that he doesn’t take binding oaths seriously. I mean, he would always say things like “Bandits 4 Life!” In fact he trashed Snoozer when Snoozer joined the Best Alliance! I mean, some really hurtful things were said in the eGG Carton! Things that would make even Mike Best blush! At one point I think he even said, and I quote, “I’d never join the Best Alliance. They suck! A bunch of no talent hacks! And Lee is the worst!”
Something like that I think… I could have made that all up…
But look at him now. He drank the Kool-Aid, or was it that low-fat, non-dairy, almond milk crap Harrison was pushing everyone on? He ate the complementary weed cookies, enjoyed the free mani-pedis with Laser. And now he’s BA through and through. Turned into a no talent hack just like the rest of them, or so he would have you believe.
Shit, he’s kept us waiting long enough as it is, hasn’t he QT? Are we not worthy of his time? Are we not worthy of his respect? Are we not enough of a challenge for the COOLympian? Is he going to phone it in like he did against Max Shell’s kid? Hell, even *I* have a win over Sutler.
You mean to tell me, Cancer Jiles couldn’t beat THE ONE PERSON I COULD!?
Woah, he really did embrace the Best Alliance lifestyle, didn’t he?
The saddest thing to me, Jiles, is that my daughter looked up to you. Called you her Uncle Jiles. Heck, I think she liked you more than she liked me at one point. But ever since you turned your back on the Bandits, she can’t stand the sight of you.
Maybe one day, when the BA has had it’s fill of your sarcastic remarks, and snide condescension, you can stab them all in the back and beg Woozy and I to come save your ass, again. Cause let’s face it, you couldn’t handle the choppy waters of High Octane by your lonesome.
I just hope Floozy is as forgiving as I am. Then again, I don’t know if you’re worthy of my forgiveness. I guess there is only one way to find out, eh?
Now hurry up, you lazy ass. QT and I are tired of waiting on you. Put the Bud Light down. Get off the trampoline. Let’s see you standing in front of the ferns on the laziest film set ever created. I’ve taken quicker shits than waiting on you. Shoot man, are you trying to steal my gimmick here? Sandbagging the sandbagger? Like Elsa once said, “Let it go!” Let go of all the hurtful words that you’ve been bottling up for the past few years!
UNLEASH THE KRAKEN!