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It’s s Halloween season and it seems the ghosts of the past were haunting Bobbinette. All except one, the one whom she wanted to see the most. The one whom she slammed his head in an oven at Rumble At The Rock in 2008. The one who last time she saw him was in 2009 when she went to his house ….. Her guardian, her angel, her ArchAngel… nothing’s been right for her since she thought everything had gone wrong since they fell out. That’s one person she scoured the country for and couldn’t find no matter how hard she looked. After her last visit, he was gone. She hired a private detective, multiple ones, and none could find him.
ArcAngel was with her after her first divorce; he was with her through her marriage to Jason Sandman; he was with her through almost everything and then one day it snapped. One day they fell out and nothing had ever been right since.
She dwelled on that from time to time tossing and turning in bed at night, opening her eyes and hoping that she would see him standing there watching over her, but he never came back.
It’s no surprise; she would probably have left herself several times before too if she was somebody else. She and relationships just didn’t work. All of her failed marriages? More like in love with the idea of being in love but never actually loving them fully; or worse, catching them cheating. Her own self worth and value had been lowered through everything….
For the few regrets she had in life… the one that happened with them.. the one person who had her back, the one person she depended on had been gone for years. It was her own doing and that left a chill down her spine that she could not get rid of. It’s true she hadn’t had someone who really had her back and was down for her in years. Sure there was Scottywood…he’s who brought her back. It was different… more out of necessity than anything else. He’s leaving though….
Something like what she had with ArcAngel though; that was rare. Oh sure, she had the normal wrestling alliances – people that were acquaintances – but no one that was that dedicated. All of them pale in comparison to ArcAngel. ArcAngel would watch over her as she slept at night. He kept her safe. She felt the potential of that with STRONK. But that was ruined before it could begin.
Conor’s friendship was new and he had proven himself to be a true friend. Even with all of her crazy ideas and chaotic theories, he still went with them. It was a different type of friendship she had with Conor. She also knew that newer friendships were easier to break. A thought that weighed heavily in the back of her mind and on her heart.
She was a completely different person than she was back in 2008. Would he recognize her now? Would it make a difference?
She knew she couldn’t live by the “what ifs?” She thought she could balance life and happiness and have a family and wrestle. She thought she could have all of her dreams while keeping everything the same; At least that’s what she argued with herself. She told herself these things were possible, even though the questions burned in the back of her head that reminded her it didn’t work last time.
But she had been back for a whole year at this point. Her friends outside of the ring still weren’t speaking to her after the assault from STRONK. She questioned if they ever would at this point.
She found herself in a church of all places. National Shrine of St. Francis of Assisi. She walked through the side door of the church dipping her hand in the holy water, making the sign of the cross. She sat down in a pew before folding her hands in her lap. She looked at the statue of the angel. It was Micheal the arcangel. She sat there in silence absorbing everything in the moment. She stood up and walked over to the angel statue and lit a candle by the angel.
Bobbinette: I could use someone like you again. I haven’t been safe in years.
The words escaped her lips like a confession she wasn’t ready to speak. She sat back down in a pew again.
The confessional door opened and a priest emerged upon hearing her whispered plea. He walked over to the pew and sat behind her. She rolled her eyes.
Bobbinette: I’m not here for a confession father.
Priest: That’s fine my child.
He said in a soft voice. He looked to be an older gentleman, old enough to be her grandfather. His skin was wrinkled and withered with an olive complexion. His accent was of Italian descent. (Which makes sense as the church was a shrine to an Italian Saint from the 1200s.)
The two sat in silence. If there was one thing that made her uncomfortable, it was silence.
Bobbinette: I just wanted to take some time to think in peace.
Priest: God has nothing but time for his children.
Bobbinette: So… God forgives us our sins right? He is the one who can judge us.
Priest: That is correct. Would you like to confess something, my child?
Bobbinette shakes her head no.
Bobbinette: What exactly is really confirmed for being hell bound? Because Leviticus says mixing blends of fabric together is a sin, and then there were the 10 commandments. Then Jesus said love your neighbors.
The priest adjusts his bifocals and sits forward, his hands resting on the back of the pew.
Priest: Ah… well.. God gives us free will. If you’re truly sorry you can gain absolution.
Bobbinette rolls her eyes at the cookie cutter answer given by the priest.
Bobbinette: And if I’m not sorry?
Priest: You cannot get absolution if you do not repent.
Bobbinette: The bible says an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nail for a nail.
The priest raised an eyebrow aware that this was someone who knew the Bible.
Priest: Theologist?
He questioned as he tried to figure out what her angle was.
Bobbinette: No… I was raised Catholic. I consider myself a recovering Catholic if I’m honest.
The priest stands up and exits his pew walking to the side of the pew next to her.
Priest: The bible also says “revenge is mine sayeth the Lord.”
Bobbinette nods.
Bobbinette: “In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.” Deuteronomy… I am their doom, father.
The priest sees that this argument will only go in circles.
Priest: Jesus said “If a thief is found breaking in and is struck so that he dies, there shall be no bloodguilt for him, but if the sun has risen on him, there shall be bloodguilt for him. He shall surely pay. If he has nothing, then he shall be sold for his theft.” Exodus… these words could be your guide. But over all, Jesus was love. Go with peace in your heart.
He makes the sign of the cross and walks away. A small smile spreads across her face as she nods her head. Slowly she got to her feet exiting the pew. She genuflects before turning and leaving the church, dipping her fingers in holy water and making the sign of the cross. As much of a recovering Catholic as she was, this was almost ingrained in her like muscle memory.
Her mind was calmed by this interaction with the Priest. After a few minutes she exited the building. She walked to her rental car, a black sedan. She got in and put an address in her phone’s GPS, as she turned the car on “Breathe Again” by Sara Barelis plays. Her nose turns red as her eyes start to water. She clears her throat, waiting for her GPS to come up. She starts driving as the tears stream down her cheeks. The words of the song hit hard. The combination of everything she had been through with her memories of the past. She had hit the breaking point and the music wasn’t helping. After an hour and a half of driving, she gets to the destination. Looking over the house, it no longer looks familiar to her as it once did. She watches a family exit the home. Who she was looking for didn’t live here anymore. This oddly filled her with a sense of closure. With a nod, she picks up her phone shooting a text message to “gamer dude” Conor Fuse. “After RATR smash bros tourney?” Taking a deep breath she, sent the message.
Bobbinette: Some memories are best left alone.
She proclaims to herself. Scrolling through her Spotify, she goes to a playlist entitled “bad ass”. Looking through the list of music she lands on “People Like Us.” Kelly Clarkson. The music was helping her work through the emotions. It has already been an up and down day for her.
The priest’s words…. This match brings up memories of ArcAngel…. that one person who just got her. Headed back towards San Francisco, the music just hit her the right way. The playlist was getting her into the right headspace, bringing her out of the sad girl vibes and into bad ass vibes. It’s true that music can alter a person’s mood and this was definitely helping her mood.
Her knuckles gripped the wheel tighter as she got closer to her destination. Her phone started to blow up. At a red light her eyes looked over to her phone seeing a text message from “Scooter.” Rolling her eyes she sighs heavily.
Bobbinette: Well at least I know he’s alive. He didn’t burn Alcatraz down…
She reaches the bay ferry. She wasn’t getting on the boat. She wanted to look at a different angle of Alcatraz. Her mind was ready; she had the answers she needed now.
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2008 RATR.
Bobbinette vs ArcAngel. The details of the match are fuzzy to me. Telling him I loved him as I slammed his head into the oven door…. Those are the cliff notes…
Our relationship wasn’t ever fully defined, it just was. Sure people speculated and thought there was more to it than that. But saying I loved him was more than I had allowed myself, or would allow myself to feel since then…
You cannot imagine the type of loss and raw emotions from that night. I rarely have allowed myself such vulnerability. I don’t like feeling exposed. But you’ve forced me to be vulnerable. You tapped into that vulnerability and exposed it for mockery. And for what? What crime could I have possibly committed that would justify someone doing such horrible things to me? Compassion. I showed someone compassion and for that I deserved a severe punishment?
You took it upon yourself, in your infinite wisdom, to dole out said punishment that you decided was necessary. You had no idea that your attempt at retribution awoke a different type of emotion.
Now you are finally admitting that it was you who attempted to kill me. It was you and Choi who had my loft burned down. Of course you identified yourself. After I said you weren’t smart enough to be the culprit; this showed how bruised your ego was.
A smarter person would have remained hidden. A smarter person would not have put themselves out there to make themselves a target. But you’re not a smarter person, you never have been. Your ego gets the better of you every time! The fact that you were so willing to make it known… and, again, I’m sure in your mind you thought it was a smart idea.
See, your problem is your mom didn’t raise you right. If she did, you’d understand love, you’d understand compassion, you wouldn’t be a selfish twat. You struggle to understand empathy, you fake it. Human emotion is a weakness to you, that’s why you don’t actually have anything real with anyone. I know the truth about you and it’s pathetic. You hide behind empty relationships and hollow hookups. It’s no surprise it’s as empty as you are. The emptiness makes sense, cause you don’t even love yourself. If you did love yourself, you wouldn’t be as flawed and as broken as you are. I’m far from perfect, but I’m nowhere near as fucked up in the head as you are.
But see, at Alcatraz… something about that place transforms people. It is the prison, literally, historically… that place does something to people. Normally rational people suddenly thrive off of pain and suffering here. A side of me came out here in 2008 that scared me for years. Going back there now, I’m not scared of what I will become. I’m not worried about what I will do. I embrace what I will change into once I’m in that room again.
When Lee Best announced that I was going back there, I had to process all the emotions I felt. The strongest emotion I felt was excitement. I was giddy to know I was going back to that kitchen. That place showed me what I was capable of, and part of me liked it. That was what scared me, that monster inside me. That’s what you are, Jace, and you know it. You’re a monster; And I know that only a monster can destroy another monster.
I’ve made peace with myself over what I’m going to do to you at Rumble with The Rock, Jace. I have no remorse, I have no fear, no guilt. Because you wanted this, right? This was the whole point of why you started everything. So anything that I do…remember, this is what you wanted. You have my full, undivided attention. You have my focus, just like you wanted. The Rumble at the Rock isn’t going to go like you wanted. The Rumble at the Rock is going to be the opposite of what you wanted. Because boys like you don’t get what they want, they get what they deserve. Don’t worry, Jace, I’m going to make sure you get your just desserts. Every. LAST. BITE!