Bylines & Byproducts.

Bylines & Byproducts.

Posted on May 24, 2023 at 10:01 pm by Xander Azula

The Complex
Long Beach, CA

“What exactly do you want me to do about this?”

Inside the common area, a frustrated Xander Azula has raised quite the inquiry. He raises up a copy of the Press-Telegram from a few days ago, pointing to the slightly scathing article calling him out for his actions at George’s Greek Cafe. He glares at his Eternal Circle brethren, who seem unsure how to respond at first…until Thomas Crowne, the younger and clearly more bold of the group, finally chimes in.

“You want these people to respect you? You gotta give them something to respect. Easiest way to do that is invite the dude to come with us to Mexico for War Games weekend…people love when celebrities do charity work, and this would be a really good look for you.”

Xander thinks long and hard about this, letting out a heavy sigh as he reluctantly nods in agreement.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go and reach out to Horace and see if he wants a free trip to Mexico. No idea if we can sneak him into the show, but we can at least sneak him through the border and hit up the swap meets.”

The response garners a cold stare from Crowne.

“That’s not even his name, you know.”

“What?” Xander exclaims, taken aback by this sudden revelation that is truly only new to the Fighter. Mysti walks over to the Fighter, whispering the true name into his ear…but Xander only shakes his head at this seemingly new information.

“No, that can’t be. He’s a Horace, I can see it in his eyes and his chubby frame.”

This gets a visible eye roll from Mysti, Thomas, and even the usually less emotive Vagn Dahl before Xander presses on.

“But yes, I’ll get in touch with…that guy, and see what we can arrange.”

Xander takes another look at the newspaper in his hand, scanning the article with a look of frustration on his face.

“For that matter, someone needs to tell this Adam McDowell fella to get off my case. I may need to pay that visit to the office after all.”

It is not lost on me the uphill battle I have ahead of me at War Games.

Beating the living hell out of Junior Kostoff, Brian Follywood, and El Hombre Banksy is just the first step, and the second comes just moments later when I step into that structure…where I will await the arrival of THE biggest nerd in professional wrestling.

Conor Fuse.

The first man drafted by Michael Lee Best, a man I had the pleasure of fighting side-by-side with just last year…and the first victim of my rampage.

Sorry to do it on ya Conor, but we ain’t never been friends. At most, acquaintances with a common goal…but now? I only have one goal in mind. One singular focus that drives me to run through the gauntlet that is War Games, in spite of everything inside me telling me I shouldn’t.

To take back my championship.

As the rest of the bodies pile into the match, I will be waiting. Steve Solex and Darin Zion, two absolute thorns in my side in the time I’ve been a part of this company…Aceldama, a man that may very well have been thrown back into a prison somewhere in bumfuck Russia…and then, the man that has what belongs to me, Christopher America.

Fuck Christopher America, all my homies hate Christopher America.

It’ll be you I’m looking the most forward to tearing through, Chris. Even as more and more try to pile in and get their swipes at the man claiming to be the champ, it’ll be the REAL World’s Champ that beats the ever loving shit out of you. Punch by punch, until all that’s left is a red, white, and blue puddle on the canvas.

See, last year I made a foolhardy mistake…I focused too much on trying to be a team player, when seemingly everyone else was focused on winning the World Championship.

Well, bad news for the rest of you fuckers…I’m an honorable champion, so you’d best believe I’ll be defending my championship with pride come War Games. Whether you’re aligned with the GOD of HOW or you’re just trying to skate by on nostalgia and name value, you’re a target in my eyes, and you’d better believe I will not miss.

Long Beach Press-Telegram – May 15, 2023
Local Pro Wrestler Embarks on “Champion’s Journey” to Mexico, Invites Local Fan
Written by Adam McDowell

Xander Azula, the self-proclaimed “REAL World’s Champion,” is set to go on a road trip to Mexico ahead of HOW’s War Games event.

Calling the trip his “Champion’s Journey,” Azula promises to hit up the major landmarks between here and Mexico City, and has even invited the fan he berated a few days ago at George’s Greek Cafe in Belmont Shore.

The fan, who wishes to remain anonymous at this time, is oddly excited to be hanging out with his favorite wrestler and the group he runs with.

Azula looks to enter War Games in just over a week to, as he puts it, “regain what has been mine this whole time” as he seeks the HOW World Championship prize on the line for winning the match at the event, a tall task for the man that would swear up and down that he is the rightful titleholder in the first place.

Which really just begs the question: how insufferable will he be if he actually pulls it off?

No one is safe from my wrath at War Games. Not my so-called teammates, because heaven knows this match always ends up being man, woman, and child for themselves when it really boils down to it, and certainly not the men that insist on keeping their allegiance with GOD himself. If you think I won’t hesitate to take down Dan Ryan and Jatt Starr the moment they try to pull some bullshit on me, you’re in for a rude awakening.

If you think Nettie is gonna get one over on the champ just so she can finally do something with her career in 2023, just fuckin’ watch.

And if you think I won’t take a Byrd out in a heartbeat on route to taking what’s rightfully mine? Oooooh boy are you in for a treat. Because unlike last year, or even 2021, I have finally seen the light in regards to War Games, and what it really means. There will be no sense of camaraderie from ol’ Xander Azula this year, no sir!

All I see this year is #97RED.

And considering what I’m willing to do with the lot I’ve been drafted with, it should go without saying just what I’m gonna do to the rest of the field inside Arena Mexico…but don’t you worry your pretty little head, I’m gonna tell you anyway.

I see you, STRONK. Bulking yourself back up to try and get back to the place where you once were. I’m gonna pop you like a damn balloon and watch how quickly you go back to all lower-case again. It’ll be my pleasure.

Coach, it ain’t personal by any means…but you know I can’t let you take the title from America at War Games. That is my right, as the REAL World’s Champion, but if you’re willing to stick around the business long enough I’ll be happy to grant you the first crack at it after the fact.

Zion…why do you think I said it was every man, woman, and child in this match?

I haven’t forgotten the hell you’ve put me through since I arrived in HOW. The absolute pain in my ass that you are, and how I still need to get my revenge in some way, shape, or form. You owe me a debt for all that misery, and I’m gonna collect at War Games.

Enterprise Rent-A-Car
Long Beach, CA

“On second thought, this is a very bad idea. I don’t think I like this one bit.”

We hear Xander sounding almost exasperated at the car lot, looking over a brand-new minivan to seemingly replace the Azulamobile (or was it the Erismobile, the detail gets fuzzy sometimes). As one can imagine, this is not a used car lot, or a sales lot of any sort…this is, indeed, a rental van, and that seems to be the root of Azula’s concern.

The trip that he’s promised the fan standing nearby is not one he was expecting to make in a rental car of any kind, but to be fair…this is still a step up from the broken-down lemon of a van last seen down by the Los Angeles River. Mysti has been tasked with signing the paperwork, possibly due to the little-known detail that she has the best credit score of the entire group, before they start to get inside. Xander hops into the driver’s seat when he feels a tap on his shoulder, drawing a sigh from the Fighter as he turns to face his biggest fan sitting behind him.

“Can I get the aux cord, Xander?”

This causes Azula to roll his eyes, letting out another sigh as he points out the van uses Bluetooth. After some time, the Fighter agrees to allow the fan control of the music in the vehicle, not willing to put up a fight over that so the trip can go smoothly…a decision Xander quickly regrets as the opening beat of “Lavender Haze” by Taylor Swift starts playing through the sound system, causing his eye to twitch as he drives away from the lot before we fade to black.