I can’t believe I did it. All of it, just poured so wastefully over that bridge and into the river. I mean, think of all the drunk fishes swimming about now. They’ll probably be caught and I could consume them and the alcohol I lost out on. Yeah that’ll work.
The faucet drips out methodically into the semi-full basin, a rough pair of hands carefully cradle the water, splashing it across a bearded face.
I know Mikey’s just trying to help…but c’mon! Jesse Fredericks Kendrix doesn’t have a problem with alcohol! This is just what we Brits do. Yeah…that’s it. These Yankee types just can’t keep up with us. The legal drinking age is 21 here…ours is 18…we’ve just had more practice, we know how to handle our beer!
Raising his head and arching his back upright, the troubled Hollywood Bruv pauses, checking out his own reflection in the mirror as if focused on each specific drop of water leaving the strands of his beard.
What if he’s right though? Has it been too much? You have to admit it, you’ve not been the same guy since you’ve made your comeback. You’ve not been that same bastard who had a fire lit up inside of him and didn’t give a shit about anyone other than himself to make it to the top at a speed rarely seen in this game.
He shakes his head at himself in denial.
Nah, no fucking way. Mikey’s the one who has taken the falls. Sure I haven’t been as focussed as I should be, I could have done better…but that’s just ring rust. It was a while out of the game before we came to HOW. It’s definitely not the drink…I can handle my drink.
There it is, resting on the top of the cabinet, a tinny, a glorious can of that sweet stuff. He takes a swig, then necks it down before hiding the can in his pants pocket, careful not to flatten the can so as not to make a noise. Drying his hands on the neatly placed towell he prepares to leave the bathroom, not for one last look at the mirror.
Mikey wants the old Kendrix back. Is it even possible now?
He smirks that shit eating smirk that’s got the back up of so many over the years.
Course it fucking is. You never went away, innit bruv?!
Knock Knock Knock!
Alright, Mikey! Keep your knickers on. I’m ready. Let’s do this.
The pair of Bruvs sit in the living area of the flat they are renting in Chicago. Mikey on the couch with his legs up on the coffee table, he’s got a pair of the latest Mikey Money Pajamas on, the ones with the Dollar Bills with wings on them! He’s got the remote and is watching television. Meanwhile JFK sits up at the bar area eating some breakfast, adorned in the fashionable and rather dashing latest 24K t-shirt that pretty much every fan in the game is loving right now, he drinks his first Frapp of the day as he swipes through the wonderful world of twitter.
Unlikely is on an unfamiliar streaming service called DVDtv. He clicks on a Movie and hits play. He shouts over to Jesse without removing his eyes from the screen.
Mikey Unlikely: Bruv, I’m in this one! I play the #2 bad guy! Well what I mean is I’m the second one to die in the movie… it’s cool though! It’s called Lullaby for Peanuts! Peanuts was the dog in the movie… long story, I never got to the end of the script. When my character died I stopped reading to be honest.
Kendrix: I don’t blame you, bruv. That’s what I did that time we weren’t booked on HOW. I mean, I don’t think many people did to be honest. What’s the point when The Hollywood Bruvs aren’t on?
He fast forwards the film until his character appears.
Mikey Unlikely: They said my name was “Edwardo Paladin” I went back to them and told them I wanted to play myself, but no deal, so “EDWARDO” was born.
The name is said in a horrendous hispanic accent.
Mikey Unlikely: If only they would have let me have a couple lines!
Jesse’s face suddenly lights up excitedly having lost a little interest in Mikey’s character description.
Mikey Unlikely: Not those lines…also, it’s like 10am.
Jesse nods along begrudgingly in agreement with his tag partner who continues where he left off.
Mikey Unlikely: The ‘actor’ plays the fight scene in the movie where his character meets his demise. He gets a couple swings in on the hero, but ultimately gets kicked in the dick and flipped over a bar. As Unlikely stands up behind the bar, the action hero throws a knife that lands in his chest. “Edwardo” falls to the floor, dying…. Terribly.
Mikey Unlikely: …Hmmmm… Just like ninja stars. Gotta watch for that in our match! I hear Lindsay Troy is apt to throw shit at people!
JFK shakes his head in disgust.
Kendrix: Imagine throwing something at someone! Who even does that?
With a shake of his own head Mikey is unsure. Obvs forgetting the most recent Refueled events.
Mikey Unlikely: I don’t know Bruv, I simply don’t know!
JFK is scrolling like a boss on his phone when he happens upon the current happenings in DEFIANCE Wrestling. He sees Mikey Unlikely carrying the FIST OF DEFIANCE case.
Kendrix: Mikey, lately we’ve been talking a lot about focus… a lot about dependability. You’ve reminded me what responsibilities I have to you, and this team and to 24K Frankly!
The American bruvs headshake is replaced by a nod.
Mikey Unlikely: I did remind you, and don’t call me Frank!
They laugh together. Great joke all around! JFK looks up to the mantelpiece where Mikey has the FIST OF DEFIANCE in a trophy case.
Kendrix: But as your esteemed bruv, I think it only fair that I remind you of your focus. You’ve been talking a hell of a lot about DEFIANCE recently and your next big match there. Rightfully so, you’ve been kicking a lot of ass, and have been the big champion for a long time…
Easy point to make, everyone concurs
Mikey Unlikely: Obvs!
Kendrix: Totally Obvs… but, just like I’ve got to lay off the booze, you’ve really got to forget about that place and start focussing on the Hollywood Bruvs and High Octane Wrestling.
JFK looks away from his phone and over to Mikey.
Kendrix: You’re doing me a solid by helping me kick the booze, I’m just doing the same for you Bruv. For us. Oh and another thing, remember that time we wrote that book together and had it ready for the deadline with the publishers?
Mikey Unlikely: Ah yes, “Mikey & Jesse: A Segway Journey of our Lives!”
Kendrix: But I couldn’t personally send it to the publishers because I was in London on holiday and it was past my bedtime. But you still had loads of time to get it done because it was in the Central Timezone…You told me that you would send it to them later…but what happened Mikey, huh?!
His bruv looks at the ground ashamed. Then he gets an idea.
Mikey Unlikely: STRIPPEES HAPPENED!
Kendrix closes his eyes and shakes his head.
Kendrix: OH NO BRUV! I’m not letting you blame this on the strippees! You wouldn’t let me get away with that on the $3,000 Am Ex charge, and I’m not letting you do it now! It wasn’t the strippies was it!?
An even further embarrassed Mikey shakes his head.
Mikey Unlikely: No…. no it wasn’t. It was me
A proud JFK agrees.
Kendrix: Yeah… yeah it was. Listen this week we’ve got Lindsay Troy and Dan Ryan, TWO VETS! We have to be on our shit, and you can’t have your mind on DEFIANCE or the FISTY FIST. We need to worry about Solid Gold! High Octane Gold, and quite frank…wait… you said not to call you that… and honestly… if we’re going to win this match, it’s not going to be JUST I who has to “sober up” so to speak. You do too! You’re drunk on your own success!
Mikey throws the remote across the room in protest.
Mikey Unlikely: Dammit, I’m so successful though Jesse! Look at me!
Jesse nods in agreement and points right back at his partner.
Kendrix: You are so successful, I’ve always said that.
Mikey Unlikely: Yeah, but I said it first!
The two hold their manly fists together for a few seconds, appearing to struggle to break free from their connection (such is the bond of the bruvs of course), until their manly man strength manages to pull through in the end to free their fists from the power of the Gluefist.
Mikey Unlikely: Right, I’m ordering in another round of Frappes.
Jesse then makes his way over to the apartments’ recently installed studio area. Stepping onto the stage he stands in front of the Hollywood Bruvs/24K backdrop, surveying the positions of the lighting, he slicks his hair back before switching the record button on the camera sitting upon the tripod.
Kendrix: Refueled 24. Daniel Ryan and Lindsay Troy finally…finally…step up to the Hollywood Bruvs.
He holds two fingers up toward the lens, in rather rude fashion.
Kendrix: Not only two of the very best professional wrestlers in the history of this game. Not only are they two of the greatest performers the many squared circles have ever witnessed but Troy and Ryan are legends of our game who not only contributed immensely to take High Octane Wrestling to the level it is today but they also paved the way for the wonderful likes of the Hollywood Bruvs to dream big and take what they want from this business we all hold so dear.
Mikey Unlikely: I love this business! Mostly for the recognition…
Despite being pleased to see his Bruv join him on the stage, the Londoner scratches the back of his head confusingly.
Kendrix: But JFK has to admit, until I joined HOW…I never really had any close interaction with these two in the past. Let’s just say my glowing reference just now is based solely on a reputation that precedes them. I mean, you only really get to know what your fellow professionals are really like when you work in the same company together for at least a few months, am I right?!
Mikey Unlikely: You are right Bruv, you are!
Jesse shrugs his shoulders suggestively before holding up 10 fingers in front of him.
Kendrix: For example, 10 weeks.
Unlikely counts to 10 using both hands.
Kendrix: Two…and a half…months.
He shakes his head disappointedly.
Kendrix: Two and a half months since JFK, Mikey Unlikely, Perfection and Andy Murray took apart the eMpire and the Industry. Two and a half months since 24K stole the spotlight from the two factions that dominated this company and stood standing above the mass of their bodies laid out beneath our feet.
Jesse smells the air around him, drinking in the glory of the night that changed HOW in more ways than one.
Kendrix: Now personally, if anyone had done this to 24K, I assure you we would have been onto you like a ton of bricks on the very next show. That’s what professionals do, at the very least, out of respect to our fellow professionals for having the fucking balls to even attempt what we did, let alone pull it off to perfection…of course.
Mikey Unlikely: We nailed it Bruv! It was great. I’ve got a copy of it on a flash drive somewhere if you wanna give it a watch?
Jesse looks down upon his wrist watch, tapping the face with two fingers as he turns to his left and then over to his right, searching, waiting for someone.
Kendrix: Nothing happened to us. No response. The only thing close to a response was the formation of the Group of Death. A group of legends, champions, holding each other’s dicks before deciding that, ooh, actually we don’t really like each other so let’s do this infighting thing to see who has the bigger dick out of our incredibly small tiny penises.
He rolls his index fingers around each other.
Kendrix: Fast forward the group that wants to kill everyone thing on the way to March to Glory. Not only are two singles competitors handed the Tag Team titles but they are also protected by Lee Best, God himself, by emerging from a five team gauntlet match as the very last entrants.
Looking away from the lens for a brief moment he rubs his chin in thought.
Kendrix: I guess it must be quite beneficial to be Mike Best’s little bitches with his daddy running the show. BUT despite that, despite all the planning behind the scenes in creating your Death Group to deflect from the fact that none of you had the BALLS to show us what goes around comes around…when you’re finally forced, albeit somewhat rather pathetically due to your rubbing shoulders with GOD to protect you…you still lost to 24K.
Mikey Unlikely: I’m not even worried about my back anymore. We can let those bodyguards go!
JFK taps the side of his head.
Kendrix: I know what you’re both thinking…thank fuck we didn’t actually have to face the Bruvs. But that’s why it surprised me and Mikey in more ways than one when you did your little fake Frapp Coffee Machine thing last week at Refueled 23.
Index finger held up…rudely.
Kendrix: Firstly, we were both surprised that you finally grew a pair and approached the Hollywood Bruvs, after 10 weeks, looking for a fight.
The scene quickly switches to show Mikey showing off his great acting skills with his eyes wide and mouth open in shock, covering it with both his hands looking side to side with the same over dramatic look in his eyes. The scene quickly switches back to Kendrix where we left him, two fingers once again, of course rudely held up.
Kendrix: Secondly, we were surprised and quite honestly, very disappointed, by the manner in which you wanted that fight. You bought a Frappe Coffee Machine and started to knock the Frappes out of Mikey’s hands. What is this? The Wild Wild West? Guys, I know you’re old but the world has moved on from the whole I challenge you to a duel thing.
The scene quickly switches once more to Kendrix and Mikey dressed in cowboy gear (YES THEY’RE WEARING COWBOY HOLLYWOOD BRUVS HATS!) outside a bar with some horses in the background. Mikey takes out a leather glove from his pocket and slaps Jesse in the face with it.
Mikey Unlikely: I challenge you to a duel…OBVS!
Kendrix: TOTALLY OBVS!
The two stand back to back and pace 10 yards from each other. They turn swiftly, removing their Super Soaker 5000s and start shooting water at each other (real guns weren’t used, it’s a low budget edit…also probably not a good idea to give the bruvs guns). The scene quickly shifts back to JFK back on stage.
Kendrix: Seriously guys, you didn’t have to go to all that effort. We’ve been waiting for a while, It’s 2020…just ask us for a fight or better yet, don’t talk, just attack us…because nobody wants to hear the same old weird family set up chat you both have going on. This isn’t ballet, it’s professional wrestling. It was like you were asking us out on a date.
The scene shifts quickly a third time. This time Mikey is dressed…in a dress and wearing a long blonde wig. He holds his phone out in front of him and starts swiping to the right, over and over and over again. The phone shows the tinder app, Mikey can’t stop swiping right over each attractive man he comes across (he’s playing a desperate chic). All of a sudden Mikey’s face is one of shock (it could even be horror…it’s’ difficult to tell with Mikey sometimes but it’s definitely one of these expressions) as the next profile is none other than a certain Dan Ryan in one of his flexing poses with his shirt off.
Mikey Unlikely: Oh my…really? 48 Years old!? I think those gray hairs on your chin tell a different story old chap! I don’t date liars!
There it is, the first ever swipe left this woman has ever done in her long and desperate tinder career. The scene quickly shifts back over to Kendrix and Mikey on stage.
Mikey Unlikely: The Bruvs have traveled the world 6 times, banged the same girl on 3 different occasions. Thats chemistry! That’s an old fashioned double team! What chemistry do Ryan and Troy have? Battling each other for years and years…is their passive aggressive hatred for us enough to get them over the hump?
Jesse shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly before rather adamantly answering the question by shaking his head dismissively.
Mikey Unlikely: No matter where we’ve gone we’ve been the best tag team. We’re not singles wrestlers pressed together under the circumstances, we’re a tag team, have been for five years, and dammit if we haven’t built the closest chemistry possible. We’ve already proven to HOW we can determine what the other one is thinking! How do you get closer than that? Dan Ryan is a hell of a competitor but he’s also proven time and time again he’s a snake. Including directly to me. He told me he had my back during my takeover, only to stab me in it! Lindsay Troy, you can’t trust Dan Ryan, but I know who I can trust… his initials are J…F…K!
Jesse holds his hand to his heart, touched by his tag partner’s words.
Kendrix: We’re going to show everyone at Refueled that it’s ok if you can’t choose or rely on your family because you can certainly choose and rely on your Bruvs!
On the same page, the Bruvs are rolling.
Mikey Unlikely: We’re not going to live in the past like two washed up hacks looking back… no! We’re going to live like the STARS we are! We live in the now, and right now we’re the hottest tag team walking the halls of the AllState Arena! Right now we’re better than Dan Ryan and Linsday Troy, and deep down inside they know that… and they’re scared of getting beat by the coffee drinking heroes… Well this week on Refueled, we’re finally putting the naysayers to rest, because one thing you CAN count on… 24K is here to stay!
The pair hit another gluefist as the scene fades into Bruvscurity.