BRUV IS THICKER THAN WATER

BRUV IS THICKER THAN WATER

Posted on June 3, 2020 at 8:14 pm by Mikey Unlikely

Previously on Hollywood Bruvs!

Deep Breath…

Eyes opened…

Kendrix: My name is Jesse Fredericks Kendrix…

The London native looks knowingly at Mikey for support before surveying the room of those who had gone before him, those who had already made the first huge step on the long road ahead of them.

Kendrix: …and I’m an alcoholic…innit?!.

Fade

—————————————————————————————————————————

From outside the old school we previously saw our Hollywood heroes, Kendrix and Mikey walk back towards the parking lot together. The Alcoholics Anonymous meeting has come to an end and a dejected JFK walks with his hands in his pockets, looking down at the ground as he steps.

His Hollywood Bruv walks in stride with him, both are moving pretty slow. Unlikely pats JFK on the back a few times. Reassuring his good friend and confidant.

Mikey Unlikely: Sorry Buddy, I didn’t mean to spring that on you… I know you’ve been trying to deal with everything in your own time and in your own way, but I felt like I had to help!

JFK keeps walking but he’s very quiet and very focused. He’s thinking about everything in the meeting, thinking about High Octane Wrestling, thinking about his partner in all this, Mikey. Finally JFK murmurs under his breath.

Kendrix: The stakes are too high.

Unlikely leans in trying to hear the words. He doesn’t quite make it all out but he doesn’t push him. He knows this is a time of reflection and honesty.

I don’t want him to run from it. 

Mikey Unlikely: Just know that whatever you’re thinking or feeling…you can talk to me. We can get Frapps right now!

Unlikely pulls his cell from his pocket.

Mikey Unlikely: You just say the word Bruv, Grubhub has my favorites saved! One click and we got Frapps in transit!

He doesn’t wait for his Bruvs confirmation, he goes ahead and orders two. No answer once more, Mikey sports a concerned look on his face. Jesse isn’t usually like this.

Mikey Unlikely: It’s just that…

The Englishman stops in his tracks and turns to Mikey. He breathes deep and lets it spill.

Kendrix: Mikey, do me a favor and just listen, yeah?!

Unlikely breathes a sigh of relief.

Kendrix: I do have a problem. I do overindulge. You’ve seen it, Chastity’s seen it, but more importantly I’ve finally seen it. I can’t hide it anymore, bruv. I can’t… It’s so hard.

Jesse looks back down to the ground, he doesn’t want Mikey to see the struggle on his face.

Kendrix: But it’s just a small problem, one I can EASILY OVERCOME, OBVS!

Taken aback Mikey joins in.

Mikey Unlikely: Totally Obvs!

Kendrix: But the fact of the matter is I can’t do it alone. I need your help Bruv. You, James, Andy…You’re all I got! I need the bois…I need the MEN!

A huge smile crosses Mikey’s face.

Mikey Unlikely: We got you! I GOT YOU, BRUV!

Unlikely takes his larger tag team partner in the arms and lifts him up in the air in excitement. Kendrix cracks a little and chuckles.

Mikey Unlikely: WE ARE MEN!

JFK looks to Mikey then shouts.

Kendrix: MANLY MEN!

Unlikely wraps his arm around his bruv and starts his 100 mile a minute talking. They walk off as the camera stays put. Mikey cracks a final joke and Kendrix cracks up laughing as the pair fade into the Chicago night.

_______________________________________________________________________

In a pair of Hollywood Bruv sweatpants, and Under Armour runners we see Mikey Unlikely mountain biking up a very steep hill. He’s shirtless and sweating as he stands on the pedals for extra leverage. Breathing deep with every push he gets closer to the top of the hill.

Mikey Unlikely:  Almost there! This…is…a…great…workout!

The bike flattens out as Mikey conquers the hill like the super courageous and heroic manly man he is. The view is incredible. He can see for miles and miles on this breathtakingly clear day.

Suddenly the sound of keys interrupts his tranquility as a door jiggles open. Mikey Unlikely takes off the virtual reality helmet and suddenly we’re back in The 24K rented estate. He’s sitting on a workout Bike that pivots to match the angle of the VR helmet. His bestest Bruv in the entire world, Jesse Fredricks Kendrix, walks in dripping from head to toe with two large plastic bags in his hands

Kendrix: Terrible weather out there maaaaattteee! But Lunch is here Bruv! … I got some food too!

Mikey Unlikely: Heyoooooooooo! There he is!

The Unlikely one hops off the bike and grabs a small towel he had draped over his shoulder. He wipes his forehead, careful not to ruffle his impeccably groomed hair.

Mikey Unlikely: I love Chinese food! Always open, reliable, healthy if you order right, and always good!

Jesse nods along.

Kendrix: Yeah Bruv, for sure! As long as it’s not extra crispy. Ugh, I HATE it when things get burnt!

Mikey Unlikely: No one likes an overcooked chicken…

Kendrix: Shit! I’ve always said that!

Unlikely opens the bag and gets excited looking at the contents.

Mikey Unlikely: Yea but I said it first!

Unlikely is quick to grab the spring rolls, which are obvs delicious. He pulls out the rest of the contents of the brown paper bag and lays them out on the table. JFK meanwhile goes to the fridge and grabs a couple of pre-prepared Frapps for the bois. A fine choice, which completely counteracts the healthy cuisine.

Mikey Unlikely: Oi Oi! Love a good Frapp! Did you know….

JFK sips loudly from his straw and cuts off his Bruv.

Kendrix: Yes you told us all Bruv. They opened a Frappe Hotel in Switzerland! We know, you have a permanent room there, with strippees on stand by…

The two share an awkward glance.

Kendrix: It’s a totally obvs great story, which I for one never tire of hearing at least three times a day, every day.

Mikey turns back to the food having accepted his bruvs genuineness. He opens a container of steamed broccoli and douses it in a sauce of some description. Picking up a fork he dives right in.

Mikey Unlikely: How great is this!

Mikey motions to everything around them.

Mikey Unlikely: We’ve got everything we could ask for. Great grub. I’ve got my bestest friend in the world staring right back at me. We’ve got a great flat here in Chi Town. Not only did we beat Dan Ryan and Lindsay Troy undoubtedly and without any help, but when Dan Ryan talked shit about how none of us can beat him in a singles match, Murrphiso goes ahead and does just that as well!

JFK smiles as steamed rice falls out of his mouth. Both Bruvs do not hesitate to talk with their mouths full.

Kendrix: Listen Yeah, when you mentioned getting the crew back together and coming into High Octane Wrestling, I thought it was gonna be a reunion tour. But I can say for sure now that this is where the Bruvs belong. This is where 24K belongs! I mean hell, in just a few short months the Hollywood Bruvs are the number one ranked tag team in all of H.O.W.!

Mikey throws his chopsticks over his shoulder sending them crashing down to the floor, frustrated at the lack of food he’s managed to devour with them so far, and grabs a spoon, jabbing it towards his tag partner.

Mikey Unlikely: Not only are we the number one tag team in people’s hearts, not only are we the number one tag team in our amazingly talented minds but we are now officially the Greatest Tag Team…in the universe according to the High Octane Wrestling Statistics Worker Monkeys.

Jesse holds a single finger up, gesturing for a moment. He takes out a black t-shirt from one of the plastic bags he brought in with him and throws it across the table at Mikey. The World’s Greatest Entertainer…in the World tries it on for size and looks admiringly at the handiwork…beneath the Hollywood Bruvs logo stated in Gold “Officially the number one tag team in HOW according to the Statistics Worker Monkeys”

Kendrix: What do you think of that bad boy?!

Mikey returns Jesse’s proud nodding.

Mikey Unlikely: I love it! Now people will be forced to know and agree with what we have always known.

Kendrix: Yeah. That and we get more merch cash.

Jesse presses his index finger to his lips in thought.

Kendrix: Hey, do you think we possibly may be ever so slightly overdoing the merch? I mean, does anyone else in HOW outside of 24K sell merch? Do they even know about the principle of selling merch to make money, that we don’t really need since we are highly paid wrestling super duper stars, which can be used in exchange for goods and services?

Mikey shrugs as a piece of chicken falls from his mouth back onto the plate.

Mikey Unlikely: There’s no such thing as too much merch money, Jesse. This is for the long haul, this is setting ourselves up for generational wealth! Marketing is the key to getting paid! I mean look at Mikey Money, it was an idea come to life! Who knows what’s next!?

Jesse raises a hand in the air but has to finish his mouthful of fortune cookie.

Kendrix: I never thought you’d ask! I just got word of what’s next!

Kendrix pulls out his phone and after a few swipes sets it down in front of Mikey. On the screen is a graphic showing The Hollywood Bruvs vs Mike Best and Cecilworth Farthington at Refuelled 29.

The World’s Greatest Sports Entertainer…in the World nearly chokes on his spring roll.

Mikey Unlikely: WHAT!?

What begins as a look of dread slowly converts to a sly smile.

Mikey Unlikely: That’s PERFECT! Finally we get what we’ve earned! A shot at the TOP of the G.o.D. Mike Best and Cecilworth Farthington.

He breathes heavily, and not just because he’s still got sweet and sour sauce in his mouth.

Mikey Unlikely: The World Heavyweight Champion and the ICON champion in one match with the Hollywood Bruvs! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS WILL DO FOR OUR MERCHANDISE SALES!? We’re in the main event Bruv! This is what we came to do! It’s our destiny…

JFK looks at Mikey with a funny face and just has no choice but to interrupt his bruv’s excitement.

Kendrix: Destiny? You believe in that sort of thing?

A scoff from his tag partner.

Mikey Unlikely: PSHHHH….PFFFFFT….. No! Of course not! I totes don’t believe in destiny. What I meant is that I totally believe in the development of events beyond any one person’s control that’s clearly set out before us for us to follow… you know….THAT!

Jesse shifts his eyes side to side, sticks his lower lip out and finally gives up and shrugs.

Kendrix: Ohhhhhh yeah! That’s totally different to destiny.

Mikey nods along.

Mikey Unlikely: Right?! Anyway, before you interrupted, It’s our Destiny’s Child song on right now! Say my name, Say my name! When no one is around you, say baby I Bruv you! Say my name! …That one!

JFK’s eyes light up at both the cleared up earlier destiny confusion but mainly upon the realisation of the classic late 90s banger of a tune playing in the background.

Mikey Unlikely: So it’s basically the master plan coming together. We came to High Octane Wrestling to take out those two old stables that no one even remembers anymore, now it’s just G.o.D.

Jesse looks very worried.

Kendrix: God? You mean Jesus’ dad?! We can’t beat him…he’s like a magician. He got Mary Pregnant and he didn’t even touch her!

An amused Mikey chuckles at his once again confused partner..

Mikey Unlikely: Group of Dorks Jesse, it’s just a name! We don’t mess with the BIG G.O.D. Everybody knows that!

Holding up a couple fingers Mikey begins to count.

Mikey Unlikely: We beat Dan Ryan and Lindsay Troy, that’s two! Now we get to do the same to Mike Best and Cecilworth Farthington! That’s four of the FIVE! This is the last Refuelled before War Games and The Hollywood Bruvs are in the tag War Games, and Murray and Perfs are in the singles War Games…it’s all lining up exactly as I imagined it!

Kendrix begins to line up the food on his plate for emphasis.

Mikey Unlikely: We’ve proved their stand by tag team was no match for the Bruvs and now we can prove that neither are The World Champion or the man who we’re supposed to appreciate? Or we were?

Kendrix: I think we were. Remember the time JFK said he appreciates Mike Best, just before Lethal Lottery? You know, to see if that would help his Daddy to stop booking us in ridiculous random matches? It worked alright…but I almost coughed up a lung straight after saying it.

Jesse slams the back of his fist against his chest to check if his lung is back in place.

Mikey Unlikely: And since Lethal Lottery the Hollywood Bruvs have been simply unstoppable. Ryan and Troy, Red and Ted and HATE have all fallen to us. Three of the best Tag Teams in H.O.W. came up short against the Greatest Tag Team in the World, The Hollywood Bruvs.

The incredibly modest duo take this moment to share an air high five across the table from each other, complimented alongside their own interesting sound effect.

*Ppshhhhhhhhhhh*

Once the feigning of almost being blown off their chairs is over (which included sacrificial rice, sauces and chopsticks falling all over the kitchen), such was the incredibly manly force of their air high five, Kendrix takes another look at his cell.

Kendrix: Bruv, each and every one of those victories were hard fought and hard earned. But we went into those matches knowing we were definitely going to come out on top. Mike Best and Cecilworth Farthington…these guys are a different beast altogether. Sure the Bruvs are on a role, but we’re talking about The World Champ who hasn’t lost a single match in over a year and the ICON Champ who is so good he beat our very own Perfs a few weeks ago but, even more impressively, stepped into a tag team match with Daniel Ryan as his partner and finally managed to hand the old man a victory.

Mikey Unlikely: I always have appreciated Michael Best’s charity work. But you know what? one on one, Mike Best or Cecilworth right now would likely have our numbers, Bruv. We’re great, amazing, smart, handsome and humble, but the fact of the matter is we’re tag team experts! When it comes to singles competition, aside from Murray and Perfecto, they are easily the best around!

Kendrix: *Nothings ever gonna keep them down…

Mikey looks wide eyed at his partner, not understanding why he sang and ruined Joe “Bean” Esposito to him.

Kendrix: …*except the Hollywood Bruvs….

Unlikely is now caught between dialling 911 to make Jesse stop singing but also admiring his confidence going into the Refuelled Main Event.

Kendrix: Don’t you remember, that was Cecil’s entrance music in UTAH…you know, one of the two biggest impressions he left in the place.

A confused Mikey looks at Kendrix, He doesn’t even remember Cecilworth being in Utah, must not have been for very long.

Kendrix: The other being when he beat JFK in one of my first ever matches as a Professional Wrestler. Cecil has probably forgotten about it, either because of too many shots to the head since those days or just because, quite frankly at the time, Jesse Kendrix wasn’t worth a damn.

Chewing with his mouth open, Mikey squirts some soy sauce directly into his mouth, making it easier.

Mikey Unlikely: Yea Bruv, that was another lifetime ago, before Dynasty, before the Bruvs, before we got our groove! It’s no surprise he was able to beat you right out of wrestling school, while you possessed all the tools at the time, the manliness, an enormous moveset, confidence for days, but you just didn’t know how to hone them in yet.

A stream of soy sauce runs down his chin. He either doesn’t feel it, or he doesn’t care.

Kendrix: But that match left a lasting impression on me. Cecilworth Farthington, an experienced, but more importantly, a successful British Professional Wrestler on this side of the pond was someone JFK, from that moment on, looked up to. He was someone then and still is today, that JFK aspires to out accomplish.

A loud “YES!” from his tag team partner.

Mikey Unlikely: That’s exactly right! That’s what you should always do with your heroes. You should crush their legacy with your own! Records are meant to be broken Bruv, everyone knows that…by the time all is said and done, the Hollywood Bruvs are going to be the most successful tag team in history…and Jesse Fucking Fredricks Kendrix is going to be known as the greatest British professional wrestler of all time BAYBEE!

Jesse slams his fists down hard on the table in agreement.

Kendrix: Crush legacies, run from pregnancies! That’s what I’ve always said!

Mikey Unlikely: Yea but I said it first!

Jesse continues on from the earlier point.

Kendrix: In fact, bruv, it wasn’t just the person that left a lasting impression, it was the match itself. It was the future against the now…and the future lost. The record books show it was a one on one match but JFK was distracted by Cecilworth’s Manager that day…the one, the only… Mike Best.

His tag partner gets wide eyed and stops chewing his food.

Mikey Unlikely: WHAT!? Woah… did you feel that.

Unlikely visibly shutters.

Mikey Unlikely: That’s the universe coming full circle! We’re MEANT to be here Bruv, I’m telling you!

Kendrix: Don’t get me wrong, JFK was kind of honored that Cecil and Mike needed to work together to beat a man with only a handful of career matches to date. But I learned a valuable lesson that day. To get ahead in this business you can’t do it all on your own. You need to turn to your friends.

Unlikely points to himself smiling quizzically. JFK nods to confirm he means his best Bruv!

Kendrix:  And 5 years later… I’ve still never got the chance to thank Mike, to thank Cecil and I’ve never got the chance to show the world, and more importantly, to show them both, just how far JFK and the Hollywood Bruvs have come in that time.

Mikey Unlikely: Oh we’re going to thank them Bruv, we’re going to show them how far we’ve both come since then. You gained experience, you gained prowess and focus since then. As for me, I’ve gained notoriety since then… I mean, more than the enormous amount I already had! Obvs!

Kendrix: Totally Obvs!

Pointing his spoon at Kendrix once more, this time rice clings to both sides.

Mikey Unlikely: Not only notoriety, fame, and cash… but since then I’ve also gained a ton of experience, won my first World Championship… CoughAndMySecondCough…

A look of concern crosses the face of the Englishman.

Kendrix: Are you ok Bruv? Thats a pretty nasty cough!

He swallows the food and clears his throat before continuing.

Mikey Unlikely: I’m just saying this match isn’t too big for us like some might think. We’ve achieved great heights as both a tag team and as singles competitors. We’ve been tag teaming for 5 years. We’ve formed a bond so tight it’s unbreakable! I don’t care what kind of best friends you have, I don’t care how well you know someone in everyday life, when it comes to tag team wrestling, we’ve got the experience and chemistry as of late. We’ve been teaming on a near nightly basis for most of our careers. We speak a different language in the ring…

Kendrix: Bruvlivian. It’s a mastered art.

A chuckle and a nod from his American counterpart.

Mikey Unlikely: You can’t just pick up with someone and have that connection inside the ring. We’re the #1 TAG TEAM in High Octane Wrestling. After the War Games we’re going to be the World Tag Team Champions. We’re not going to take the fall to two singles stars, regardless of how good or accomplished they are HERE! It’s more than being friends… it’s more than being family. It’s like they say… Bruv is thicker than water!

Kendrix: I’ve always said that, but I think Aristotle said it first!

Unlikely puts a finger under his chin trying to think.

Mikey Unlikely: Or was it the famous philosopher Play Doh?… We may never know.

How true his words ring, as the scene fades out on MIkey’s life question, we reflect on how good the Hollywood Bruvs truly are.