Brain Freeze

Brain Freeze

Posted on August 26, 2021 at 8:23 pm by Rah

The Parking Lot Outside Missouri Valley Wrestling Headquarters
St. Louis, Missouri
Tuesday August 24th, 2021

The back door exit from MVW headquarters opens up and out walks the Sunshine God Rah. With his upcoming match with High Flyer looming at Bottomline in just mere days, he’d spent the last few days training in St. Louis with Dawn McGill and Joe Bergman.

Listening to the new Jimmy Buffett CD ‘Life on the Flip Side’ on his earbuds and chillin’ fresh from a workout, Rah’s got his duffel bag slung over one shoulder and his ‘Champion of the World’ belt over the other.  He wears a brightly color Hawaiian print shirt, khaki Bermuda shorts, and a pair of deck shoes post-workout as he walks towards his waiting bus, idling just a few feet away in the parking lot.

Dawn McGill (off camera): Well, hellooo Rah!

Rah stops at the sound of the teasing, playful female voice who sounds very familiar, turns, and pulls his ear buds out.  When he sees who it is- Rah does a doubletake.

The camera pans over.  Dawn McGill is perched demurely on the hood of a jet black Dodge Charger parked between the back exit and Rah’s bus.  She sits with her legs crossed, dressed in her wrestling gear, and sporting a sharp pair of sunglasses.

It’s not quite ‘Tawny Kitaen on top of the car’ material but it does get Rah’s attention.

Rah: Um… Dawn?

Surprised at the sight of his new wife on the car (which by the way is Ray McAvay’s new ride- but don’t tell him!), Rah’s not sure what to make of this.  So he blurts out the first thing that pops into his head.

Rah: New car?

McGill shakes her head no.

Rah: Oh.  Are you okay or something?

Dawn McGill: Oh.  I’m just fine…

Dawn takes off the sunglasses and fluffs her medium length blonde hair.

Dawn McGill: …but you know, I’d be a whole lot better you know if you would…

McGill points at the ‘Champion of the World’ title belt over Rah’s shoulder.

Dawn McGill: …if you would just let me win that Champion of the World belt.

Rah glances over at the belt.

Rah: This?

Dawn nods in the affirmative.

Rah: Oh.

Believe it or not, Rah actually considers letting his wife win the belt for a second…

Rah: No.

…a very brief second.

Rah: Rah doesn’t think Rah can do that Dawn.

Dawn makes a pouty face and places the sunglasses down on the hood.

Dawn McGill: But wouldn’t I be a better champion?  I mean, I didn’t lallygag my way lackadaisically through training today with just five days before a big match.

She wraps her arms around her bent knee and preens for her husband.  Rah ignores the little zinger sent in his direction and again appears to be actually considering her offer.

Rah: Well…

Rah gestures towards McGill.  He might actually say yes…

Rah: … no.

…except he doesn’t.  Dawn feigns indignancy.

Dawn McGill: What?

Rah: Rah is sorry but…

Dawn jumps off the hood of the Charger and in a huff drags a referee into the shot.

Dawn McGill: Let’s go.

Before Rah knows what hits him, McGill turns and drives her right knee right into his gut.  She grabs Rah’s by his gloriously coiffed hair and slams him face first into the side of the building.  Rah ricochets off.  Dawn catches up to him and again drives him head first into the wall.

Rah staggers backwards after the contact.  Dawn slinks over to the camera and shows a little attitude towards her husband.

Dawn McGill: Rah’s been a bad, bad boy today in training so I’m going to take his belt.

She turns around and sees a most peculiar sight.  Rah has climbed on top of Ray McAvay’s brand new Dodge Charger.

Dawn McGill: What the hell Rah?  Are you scared of me?

Dawn goes to climb on top of the car-

Male Voice (off-camera): HEY!

A quick jerk of the camera pans over to Ray McAvay, standing in the doorway and staring incredulously at what he sees.  The owner of Missouri Valley Wrestling had just opened the door to head back to his car and then his hotel and witnessed the most unpleasant of sights.

Ray McAvay: OH NO-NO-NO-NO-NO NO!

Suffice to say, McAvay’s not the least bit pleased to see Rah perched on top of his brand new Dodge Charger.  He points an angry finger towards Rah..

Ray McAvay: I don’t know what the hell you two are doing out here but get the hell off my car… NOW!

Yeah.  Not happy at all.

Sheepishly, Rah climbs down from the car and walks over to McAvay to apologize.

McGill also appears contrite… for a split second.  Before Rah can offer his sincere and unreserved regret for trespassing on top of Ray McAvay’s brand new car, Dawn grabs him by the hand and drags him back into MVW Headquarters to the MVW Television Studio where there’s- you guessed it- a wrestling ring.

There’s a few wrestlers milling around the ring.  John Sektor’s protegee Adam Ellis is one of them and brand new MVW Men’s Champion John O’Reilly is there as well.  Ellis and O’Reilly have a little fun and lead the others in serenading Rah as McGill drags him to ringside.

ALL (singing): Dawn is going to kill you… Dawn is going to kill you…

Dawn climbs into the ring first.  Rah reluctantly follows.  He faces his wife with his arms up in front of him.

Rah: Now Dawn, let’s be reasonable- OOF.

Boot to the gut by McGill.  McGill launches herself up and over Rah- Sunset Flip for the pin.

ONE!

TWO… Rah kicks out emphatically and McGill comes down on the other side of the ring.  But that doesn’t deter Dawn.  She scrambles back across the ring and covers Rah again.

ONE!

TW- … again McGill ends up far, far away from Rah after he kicks out.  Again, Dawn crawls back over.  This time she takes his head and pounds it into the mat.  She hooks the leg.

ONE!

TWO!  NO!  Kick out and McGill gets propelled away like a rag doll.  Rah rolls over and starts to crawl to the ropes.  He’s halfway under when Dawn grabs him by the foot and starts pulling him back into the ring.  Rah grabs the edge of the ring apron.  McGill yanks his leg towards her.  Finally, Rah’s instincts kick in and he unleashes a vicious mule kick that catches Dawn right in the gut.  She doubles over and falls back to the ropes, only keeping herself upright by grabbing on to the top rope.

Dawn McGill: Y-you.  You kicked me!

Dawn gives Rah the ‘how could you hit me’ look which of course, causes Rah to question himself.

Dawn McGill: How could you do that?

Her voice oozes shock and betrayal, totally tugging on Rah’s emotions.

Rah: Rah is so sorry.  Rah did not mean to do that.

Now distraught over the mule kick, Rah goes over to check on his wife.

Rah: Are you okay?

Dawn McGill: Just… just help me to my feet.

Rah does exactly that.  He reaches down and takes her hand.  Then he pulls her back to a standing position and again tries to deliver a heartfelt apology.

Rah: Again.  Rah is very sorry that he-

*BOOM*

In one swift, fluid motion, Dawn reared back her good leg and just punted the ever-loving, holy hell out of Rah’s testicles.

Color drained from the Sunshine God’s face as his jaw drops and he falls to his knees.  McGill turns it on now.

Dawn McGill (sharply): Do you really think High Flyer is going to play nicey-nice Saturday night?

Dawn whips around and…

*SMACK*

… Rah’s face snaps hard left when she connects with a Buzzsaw Kick.  Rah’s eyes roll up for a split second and he teeters on tumbling down to the mat.

Dawn McGill: I don’t think so.

Dawn takes Rah by the back of the head and drives it face first to the mat.

Dawn McGill: So you better be ready…

Again she slams Rah’s face to the mat.

Dawn McGill: … just about anything!

Dawn hops up to her feet and drops her knee to the square of Rah’s back.

Dawn McGill: And I do mean anything!

McGill motions to Adam Ellis on the outside to throw her a chair.  Ellis appears a little taken aback so Dawn snaps her fingers expectantly.

Dawn McGill: NOW rookie!

Ellis folds up a chair and tosses it to McGill.  She climbs up the corner turnbuckle and waits.  Rah stirs and sits up.  Dawn waits.  Rah gets back to his feet.

Dawn McGill: HEY!

Rah turns around.

*BLAM*

She clocks him with a steel folding chair and Rah topples forward into the ropes.

Dawn McGill: Come on Rah!  If you can’t beat little ol’ me, you sure as hell ain’t going to defeat High- AAACK…

Rah comes back to life.  His dander up and blood boiling, he whirls around, grabs Dawn by the throat, lifts her up high into the air and…

*WHAM*

SOLSTICE SLAM!

Adam Ellis and John O’Reilly: DAMN!

Sprawled out on the mat, McGill emits a brave chuckle.

Dawn McGill: Is that…owww…

She grimaces but continues.

Dawn McGill: …the best you can do?

Now roiling with the violent power of a midsummer thunderstorm on a hot Kansas afternoon, Rah yanks Dawn up from the mat and sets her up for his finisher.  He glances over where his faithful worshipers usually are but they’re not in the building so he settles for Adam Ellis and John O’Reilly instead.  No matter, Rah signals it time to sacrifice his opponent for the Temple of the Sunshine God.  Looking up towards the heavens of the MVW TV studio with arms stretched out soaking in the praise and worship of his followers.

John O’Reilly: No.  He’s not going to do it.

McGill, dazed but yet annoyed, grows impatient.

Dawn McGill: Jesus Christ Rah, just get on with it!

Rah lifts and flips Dawn up to a seated position over his shoulders…

Ellis nudges O’Reilly.

Adam Ellis: Holy shit, he IS going to do it.

…McGill flips him off.  Rah lets out a primal scream causing Dawn to mouth ‘oh shit’ as he brings her down hard towards the mat…

*WHOOOOOOOSH… BOOM!!!!!*

Adam Ellis and John O’Reilly: EYE OF RAHHHHHH!……

…with enough force that the impact causes the ring to shake.  Dawn’s legs lift up from the inertia and flips her over on her stomach.  She ends up face first on the mat with her feet draped on the middle and lower rope.

Ellis and O’Reilly are impressed…

Adam Ellis and John O’Reilly: …ooooooooh

really really impressed.

They watch in shock and awe as Rah, still riding the crest of emotion in the moment, rolls out of the ring without saying a word and his wife still hung up in the ropes.  The Sunshine God snaps up his ‘Champion of the World’ belt, and stomps towards the exit of the building.

After the door slams behind Rah, Ellis and O’Reilly go and check on McGill who by this point has managed to get her feet out of the ropes and roll onto her back.

Her eyes are a little glazed and she’s not moving a whole lot.  But Ellis and O’Reilly confirm she’s conscious.

Adam Ellis: Miss McGill.  Are you okay?

Dawn slowly nods her head yes.

Adam Ellis: I can’t believe he did that.

John O’Reilly: I’ve never seen him to that before.

O’Reilly is mildly surprised when Dawn looks up with a smile on her face.

Dawn McGill: As long as he does that Saturday night.

Ellis and O’Reilly help Dawn up and help her walk towards the exit of the TV studio.  Neither of them notice there’s someone sitting high up in the stands quietly watching what just transpired with great interest.  She’s in the middle of trying to make a phone call.

Sunny O’Callahan’s voice: Harmen?

The camera zooms in the erstwhile managerial wannabe tethered to Rah’s entourage by the ever-present ankle bracelet she wears.

Sunny O’Callahan: Dammit Jack, answer your phone.

She waits for High Flyer to answer the phone.  He doesn’t.

Sunny O’Callahan: Come on… come on…

Sunny gets up and walks down the steps toward the ring.

Sunny O’Callahan: … JACK, ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE!

Her voice echoes inside the empty studio.  Sunny sits down on the edge of the ring apron and waits, cell phone pressed to her ear with a near-distressed disposition etched on her face.

Sunny O’Callahan: UGH!

Harmen’s voicemail comes on.

Sunny O’Callahan: Jack. where are you?

The Irish blonde sighs and leans back against the ropes.

Sunny O’Callahan: Rah’s fucking serious about this.  I watched him just about break Dawn McGill in half with a powerbomb.  I’m telling you right now McGill’s got him riled up for this match Saturday night and if you’re head isn’t in the match he’ll do the exact same thing to you and I can’t have that happen.  Jesus Jack.  I need you to be invested in this match.  If Rah wins Saturday night, I’ll never hear the end of it from McGill… from Barbie-Q… from everyone and everything I’ve done in the past two months will be for nothing and I’ll be stuck in his entourage until summer next year.  If Rah wins Saturday night…

For a split second, Sunny shows a little vulnerability…

Sunny O’Callahan: …I’ll never get my life back.

…for just a split second.

Sunny O’Callahan: No.

Then the hardened, steely schemey demeanor returns.

Sunny O’Callahan: NO!  I don’t care what it takes.  I don’t care how it happens.  Rah isn’t leaving that ring Saturday night the winner.  No fucking way.  No matter what I have to do, I will find a way to make sure Rah loses Saturday night and I get my freedom back.

She reaches for the camera filming her and brings the lens close to her face.

Sunny O’Callahan: IT.  WILL.  HAPPEN!

*            *            *

The Eagles Nest Cabin
Lands Creek Log Cabins
Bryson City, North Carolina
The Horne Sounds Podcast taping
Thursday August 26th

‘The Horne Sounds’ is a weekly pro wrestling podcast taped and then uploaded to the internet by legendary wrestling manager Jackson C. Horne.   The description on the site reads: Jackson C. Horne is not only a legendary manager and wrestling entrepreneur but he is also one of wrestling’s most outspoken minds and mouths, hitting you with his blunt and uncensored takes on professional wrestling!

Horne also works at Missouri Valley Wrestling managing the Dark Overlords of Wrestling- an old school, anti-sports entertainment faction.

Oh.  And Horne just happens to be Dawn McGill’s ex-husband.

Taping his weekly podcast from a remote cabin in the Smoky Mountain range three miles from the nearest city- Bryson City, North Carolina- Jackson C. Horne sat in a black and gray striped chairs with a plain white button down shirt and a pair of Bermuda shorts on.  Horne had a set of headphones on his head and held a microphone in front of him attached to a portable soundboard in the middle of the gazebo.  Next to Horne sat his podcast host and sidekick, Kyle West.  West also sat in a black and gray striped chair dressed in an untucked in Hawaiian print shirt on, shorts that went down to his knees, and tennis shoes on.  His buzzed blond hair was partially covered up by his headphones, his face had a distinct five o’clock shadow.

Jackson C. Horne: All right, we are back for our final segment of tonight’s edition of The Horne Sounds.  I am Jackson C. Horne and with me as always is my good friend and co-pilot Kyle West.

Kyle West: How is your Turtle Pecan Cluster blizzard from Dairy Queen?

Jackson C. Horne: Duh.  What do you think-AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!”

Kyle West: Jackson?

Jackson C. Horne: AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!

Kyle West: Jackson!

Jackson C. Horne: AW, FUCK!

Horne bangs his head on top of the desk.

Jackson C. Horne: BRRRRRAIN FREEEEEEEZE!  AARRRRRGGHHHHHH!

More banging of the head on the top of the desk.

Kyle West: Well.  While Jackson waits for the brain freeze to subside, I’ll introduce the next topic on tonight’s show.  We’ve talked about all the other matches on this Saturday night’s High Octane Wrestling’s Bottomline pay per view show except one- the Rah versus High Flyer match.

Jackson C. Horne: UGH.  Speaking of brain freeze.  Do we really have to talk about this match?

The thought of having to preview a match featuring Rah, the husband of his ex-wife Dawn McGill, meaning that he’d vicariously have to talk about his ex-wife in the process of talking about the match, is literally the last thing Jackson C. Horne wants to do.

Jackson C.  Horne: I’d rather suffer through another bout of brain freeze than talk about Rah and… what did Benny Newell call her the other night?

Kyle West: Dawn Medusa?

The name makes Horne happy so he chuckles and claps his hands.

Jackson C. Horne: That’s good.  Yeah.  Pretty much sums her up.

Kyle West: Now now.  Let’s talk about the match.

Rolling his eyes, Horne folds his arms and leans back in his chair.

Jackson C. Horne: All right.  Do you want my honest opinion?  I’ll give it to you.  If this was High Flyer about five to ten years ago, I think he’d cruise past Rah without breaking a fucking sweat.  That’s how good Flyer was once upon a time.  But that’s the key word- ‘once upon a time.’  This ain’t the vintage High Flyer that Rah has to wrestle- this is the older model that doesn’t quite run as well as he used to and the quality moments are fewer and far between.

Kyle West: So you think Rah will win Saturday?

There’s a raging inner conflict going on in Horne’s mind resulting in awkward silence.  Plus, Horne gulps down another heaping helping of his Turtle Pecan Cluster blizzard.

Kyle West: Jackson?

Horne can’t quite say it and besides, it’s rude to talk with your mouth full.  But after a few more seconds tick by…

Jackson C. Horne: Yes.  I think Rah will win Saturday because I don’t know which version of High Flyer is going to show up for the match.  If it’s classic High Flyer, then High Flyer wins.  But if it’s not, I think Rah will powerbomb the hell out of him.  For all my personal loathing of my ex-wife, Ms. Medusa, the fact is… and yes I’m saying it… Dawn’s a damn good trainer and knows how to get her wrestlers ready for a big match.  Considering Flyer stole and then wrecked his prized bus, Rah’s going to be plenty motivated for this match.

Horne rolls his eyes because once again he has to recognize his ex-wife’s strong suit on his show and he absolutely hates doing that.  But first, another bite of his Turtle Pecan Cluster blizzard.

Jackson C. Horne: Dawn’s also good for Rah because she knows how to cut a mean promo unlike Sunny O’Callahan who’s mouth continues to write checks that her ‘talent’… such as it is… can’t pay.

Kyle West: Speaking of.  Sunny O’Callahan apparently told one of the dirt sheets that she wants a stipulation for the match Saturday.  If Rah defeats High Flyer at Bottomline, Sunny said she would go on the next HOW show and publicly apologize to him for everything she’s done.

Jackson C. Horne: Oh she did, did she?  So, what happens if High Flyer wins?

Kyle West: Apparently, Sunny says she wants her ‘freedom’… whatever that means.

Jackson C. Horne: She’s been in some legal trouble from what I’ve heard.  But here’s the thing Kyle, can High Flyer get the job done?  I don’t know because I guaran-damn-tee you Medusa is going to have Rah primed and ready to go Saturday night.  If Flyer isn’t one hundred percent there, if he’s not one hundred percent committed, Rah’s going to powerbomb his ass through the ring.

Again Horne gobbles down more of the Turtle Pecan Cluster blizzard.

Jackson C. Horne: That’s what I think.  I hope High Flyer is going to win.  I want High Flyer to win.  But… I’m not confident Jack Harmen will- AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!”

Kyle West: Oh, not again!

Jackson C. Horne: AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!  BRRRRRAIN FREEEEEEEZE!

Horne bangs his head on top of the desk again.

Jackson C. Horne: AW, FUCK!

Kyle West: Maybe we should take another break-

Jackson C. Horne: AARRRRRGGHHHHHH!