This isn’t how I wanted it to go, but this is the way it is.
I didn’t want to leave Alcatraz, but here I am.
I didn’t want to bring back Logan, but he’s here.
Logan has been following me around all fuckin’ day. I can’t seem to escape his creepy stares. His eyes as black as the night, which ironically…is just as black as his heart.
He’s a sick boy.
And he’s driving me insane.
Shawn’s gone. Shawn hasn’t been home in weeks. Logan freaks him the fuck out too, no matter how hard he tries deny it. Soon, Logan will be in charge. And there will be nothing left of us except him.
But I have an x-factor, a secret plan if you will.
I just have to keep it from him. But how can I do that, if I am him…If he is me?
I tried to escape from Logan by going to bed, but he followed me right into the room. He’s perched himself on a bench across the room from the bed. I can see his dimly lit face between the frame of my feet at the bottom of the bed.
And there he is, staring at me.
“Why don’t you love me?” Logan asks me, his voice low. He closes his eyes slowly, and brings his fist to the side of his cheek.
“Is it because you think you’re better than me?!” He asks, shouting at the top of his lungs as spit flies from his mouth.
He punches himself in the side of the face and his eyes pop back open. He looks me dead in the eye as blood trickles from his mouth.
I try to tell him that I’m not better than him, just to calm his nerves…it’s best not to agitate him when he’s in this state. He’s a whiny little prick, but he’ll slit your throat in your sleep if you cross him.
“Then what is it, Steve? Is it because you’re a coward?! Just like your buddy Shawn? Shawn F’n Kutter, they used to call him…he’s not so bad ass anymore is he?!”
He’s trying to get me fired up, and it’s working. I rip the blanket off my body and stand up, my fists balled. I try and stare Logan down, but he only smirks.
“This was your plan?” He asks behind an prickishly-evil laugh.
“I thought you were better than that. You’re the great Steve Solex. The HOW Hall of Famer, the former HOTv Champion….good ol’ Number 1.”
But I’m not that anymore. The Hall of Fame is eternal, but I’m not the man that I once was. I’m not going to give the usual excuses for it…time, family, busy. Nah…it’s none of those. I just don’t have the willingness to train or compete like I once did. I’ve been in this game for a long time, and I’ve felt this way before…so I know that the fire could come back at any time. In any single moment, I could be the man that I once was. But right now, I’m just not there…and Logan knows it.
That’s why he wants to take charge of the ship and that’s why he wants to be Captain fuckin’ Ahab of ship-Solex. He thinks he might be able to turn it around for all of us. If Logan would speak the truth….ever in his fucking life…he would tell you that he actually misses Shawn and that he feels bad that Shawn skipped town because of his bullshit.
But that’s just not who this little fuckin’ sociopath is. He’s a lunatic, and I’ve had enough of it. It’s time for Logan to leave.
I stomp toward him at a quick pace, stomping my bare feet against the hardwood floors. Just before I get one step away from him, he stands up on the bench. He looks straight down at me, and I look right back up at him. We lock eyes, and he winks at me. He places both of his hands on my shoulder.
“It’s time for you to go to sleep, Stevey. You’ve had a long day and to be frank…you’ve had a long couple of weeks and now….now it’s time for you to rest.
I immediately remember the grenade underneath the bed. I make a run for it…we’re both going to die today. I army crawl under the bed, flip onto my back and reach into a small cut slit in the bottom of the mattress. I fish around for only a moment, when suddenly I feel the cold metal of the grenade in the palm of my hand. I yank it from the mattress, when suddenly I’m yanked out from and forcefully slid across the room on my back.
But I firmly grip the grenade with both hands and hold it up against my chest.
Logan marches over to me and gives me a stiff kick in the ribs with his steel-toe Doc Marten’s.
“Get the fuck up Steve. Get up now!” He shouts, demanding that I get to my feet.
I look at him like he’s lost his fuckin’ mind, and all he does is throw his arms out to his side.
“We’re all a little crazy,” he says, clearly quoting some dumb fuckin’ movie that I can’t remember the name of right now.
I scoot myself backward and sit up.
“There ya’ go, just a little further,” he mockingly says, in a voice like a condescending father would say to his son.
I stand up and back myself up against the wall.
I hold the grenade out to show him that I mean business.
I tell him that I’ll kill the both of us. That I’ll end all of this bullshit tonight.
He doesn’t bite.
“Pull the fuckin’ pin, then,” he says, grinning from ear to ear. He’s called my bluff and he knows it. He can see it in my eyes. I know, because I feel it in my eyes.
I had black beans for lunch. Random memories creep into my head and the most bizarre times.
Logan marches toward me. The arm holding the grenade straight out begins to shake and I start to feel sweat beading on my forehead. I pull the grenade in again, close to my chest.
“Give me the grenade, Steve,” he says, peering up at me with his head bent down a bit,
“Give it up, Steve. You know how this ends. You know that this doesn end well,” he says, inching closer to me.
He gets one hand on the top of the grenade. I feel my grip begin to loosen and I can’t stop it from happening.
“That’s it,” he says softly as he begins to pull the grenade from my hands.
I scream as loud as I can and pull the grenade back. He hold it up high in the air, with both hands. I push down on the lever and pull the pin.
I scream at him not to move a fuckin’ muscle.
But this is Logan Tyler we’re talking about and almost instantly he reaches up for the grenade. But I drop it before he can. We both watch it drop to the floor and tumble across the hardwood floor.
Logan goes running toward it and soccer kicks it right into the closet, and then roundhouse kicks the door shut like some kind of fuckin’ ninja. He lunges back toward me, knocks me to the ground and rolls me back under the bed.