Betcha Harrison Drives a Wicked Big Truck

Betcha Harrison Drives a Wicked Big Truck

Posted on July 6, 2021 at 6:22 pm by Doozer

We ready? Hold up. Just gottahhhh-

Ahhhhh, that’s the ticket. Nothing like a sip of java to kick shit off.

Hope that’s okay with Harrison. See, Stevey boy, adults drink coffee. It’s a thing. And no, most of us don’t even need sugar!

Or any of that shity skim milk you hock.

Oh, I raised my pinky finger while taking that delicious drink. Hope that doesn’t make you feel weird and icky inside. At least, not as much as being around a man who’s comfortable enough to drink a spiked seltzer on a hot day. It’s okay, though. I remember making fun of other guy’s drinks…

Then I remember turning sixteen.

I love how mentioning you twice has earned me a “stalker” status. Shows just how much attention you’ve received lately. Look, I get it. It’s tough riding on Cancer’s coattail, hidden in his shadow. At least I could make heads turn, and wasn’t in denial about what I brought to the team. Or didn’t.

You talk about being a two time champ with Jiles like you accomplished something.


You’re even more delusional than you let on. Talk about sad. Strong legs, huh? Stronger than your tag partner who legit kicks people in the face for a living?

Check the history, you blowhard. CCJ’s done more with less. Yes, I said less. Me included.

See, I am giving you some credit. I’m not dumb enough to write you off. I’m not green to this business. I learned that lesson long ago. Apparently, you still need some time to mature. Don’t worry, you’ll get there, junior.


You know what I do see, though?

A Cancer Jiles who’s never been so bored, so detached, or so depressed in his wrestling career. 

Cool job, Steve. Way to kill it.

Speaking of killing it.

You really outdone yourself with that 750 word verbal diarrhea you called a promo. 

Shit talk, literally, by Baldiful Steve Harrison.

Talk about laying a turd. You’re better than me, Harrison. Like, legit you really are. Sucks that it’s true, but for right fucking now it is.

Here’s a crazy, far-fetched thought. 

Act like it, huh?

The insecurity is real with Jiles’ young Padawan.

Just HOW, with more success, you manage such a level of disrespect and mediocrity is beyond me. It takes a Zion-esque amount of awkwardness and incompetence to achieve such a feat. Good for you!

The only smart thing you’ve mentioned was about going after my neck. At least you did a little homework there.

Golf clap.

Not much, though. My opponents were StarSek, but it was Dan Ryan that did the deed. Yep, my partner in the match. It’s okay, though. I couldn’t focus as a kid, either. Complete space cadet.

Speaking of…

OH EM GEE, STEVEY! This is not a safe space?! But that’s EXACTLY why I returned to High Octane and raised my hand for the HOFC. I wanted a fucking safe space. Are you a special kind of stupid? That’s a serious question. I don’t like making fun of the disabled, Harrison. Again, unlike you, I grew up at some point.

Know another fun part about being old? You look back at the young pups repeating the same dumb shit over the years, thinking they are special. I’ve seen you, Steve. I’ve seen insecure assholes puff out their chest and bark at the moon before jumping into their lifted, quarter ton trucks.

You know what they say about big trucks, I’m sure. And for every inch lifted, they’re usually making up for a missing inch somewhere else. You couldn’t have made your case any more obvious. Hopefully someday you decide to not be a stereotype.

Until then, despite the douchebaggery, you should know…

I did want that handshake.

I would’ve accepted a sorry, though.

Enlightened is a bit of a stretch.

And whoa, baby, no one’s ever been spit at in this game. So feisty, much edge.

To return your hospitality, here’s a little rhyme I wrote ya:

One ton, two ton, three ton… four.

Apparently Steve’s dick is so small, he might need more.

Go get a bigger truck, bub. You need it.

BEEP BEEP, motherfucker!

Oh, that’s right. Your big, bad truck probably honks.

Just as its owner does for himself.

C’mon, Harrison. Be better next time. You don’t get to half ass it and still get by.

You’re not COOL enough to do that.

Keep that shit up, though, and you’ll be Doozed… and Abused.

Chin up, kid.