Posted by Christopher America
Quaint little promo yesterday. Let’s take a deeper look as I grasp onto these straws.
“Arthur Pleasant, way to use your last name as an explanation.” Says the man with the last name Best.
What nuance. What subtlety.
“Bobby Dean is fat.” Umm BOBBY DEAN HAS LOST WEIGHT FOR THE 1,000TH TIME! Why does he need to keep reminding everyone of this?
“Cancer Jiles ripped on me! I butthurt!” I told you I got something right in my proclamation promo that I posted after yours.
“Clay Byrd, bald spot.” Not cool, bro. Some of us have a genetic predisposition towards balding. Now, I’m only 28 myself so I’m not quite there yet but when it happens, it will be a sad day. We should all be putting aside our differences to any comrade or enemy who experiences the brutality of male pattern baldness. The inability for you to do this, (unfortunately for me) shows the callus places you’re willing to go.
While, yes, High Flyer still works here, he’s barely clinging onto life after I punked his ass for what he did to me against you. I’ve been trying to purge the old men from HOW. Jatt’s next. Save your energy for the good players.
Xander Azula didn’t have the Mike Best fetish. You kinda had the fetish for him, begging him to promo on you faster.
Zion killing his heat? You got me there. Poor Ray should’ve poured some Darin on him instead of that extinguisher.
Okay, let’s even things out.
Cecilworth Farthington is a smug quippy dumbass. Teehee. BURN.
Gino Giordano. Giordano’s Pizza and Mark Giordano are the only Giordano’s who come to mind. Hot hot hot, and I’m not talking about the pizza or the Calgary Flames.
Oops. Only got one straw left.
Sutler of Catan is a stupid kid who needs a dose of reality. He’ll find it at War Games and can spend time with his father after you eventually grow tired of him, too. JPD has lit me on fiiiiire!
Anyway, stop hiding from you?
I’m standing right here in my mom’s basement with an apple juice box in hand. Using my last straw for it.
By the way, EA Mike isn’t a joke. That’s your name. You run a monopoly on shit talk. You’re the king. I’m just a boy.
See you this weekend, Mike. I want my fair fight. You pussied out last time.
Knee me in the temple. I can’t fucking wait.