Gigabrain… now I ain’t no expert on the matter but I’d reckon that gigabrain means really big. Like colossally fuckin’ huge brain. Like ya got some Einstein type shit buried somewhere up yer sleeve, like yer some kind of fuckin’ magician Hudson. Before ya go really diggin’ that one out of there, like grabbin’ a rope, or ya know, tryin’ ta roll me up fer a pinfall while grabbin’ my tights I’m gonna tell ya a lil secret bud.
This ain’t wrasslin.
So let me explain ta ya what that means. Ya see, these sick fucks are gonna play yer lil music, and yer gonna walk down ta an octagon. That’s a shape with eight sides Euclid. Then I’m gonna walk out and enter the same eight sided shape. They are gonna go ‘head and lock up that door tighter than Perry Wallace’s checkbook. So ya see, there ain’t gonna be no place ta go, cause them walls are made out of fuckin’ steel Hudson.
So while yer over there figurin’ out what the fuck you’ve managed ta get yerself inta, with all three of them hamsters ya got up there in that gigabrain of yers workin’ overtime. I’m just gonna walk across the octagon and punch ya in the fuckin’ mouth. Cause see, this ain’t exactly rocket science Hudson. This ain’t goin’ ta the moon, ya ain’t gotta have a whole Nintendo up in yer brain box ta figure out exactly what the fuck is goin’ ta go on in that octagon. So while yer tryin’ ta figure out yer best course of action ta fuckin’ survive, I’m gonna be usin’ that cage like a cheese grater with yer face.
I think yer friend, Eli or whatever might be givin’ ya the best advice you’ve managed ta receive so far. Treatin’ it like a bear attack is prolly the most reasonable thing ya could do. The prayin’ part is prolly a great Gigabrain tactic. In theory, some divine intervention could happen ta benefit ya, a bolt of lightnin’ strikes me down, maybe a plague of locusts might deter me, maybe even ask the big feller up stairs for an entire sea ta close in on me while I’m walkin’ ‘cross that cage. I mean all of them fairytales might come true, but ya know what they say, he works in mysterious ways.
The truth is Hudson, I don’t believe the man upstairs saves stupid mother fuckers like you.
Elijah, just like in the old testament, might just be a prophet. See maybe, the lord reached out ta him with yer destiny. Tellin’ ya ta run fer yer fuckin’ life. Tellin’ ya that this old man is gonna rip ya apart, quite literally in that cage. Maybe that’s his attempt ta help a sorry fuck like yerself. He ain’t gonna directly get involved ya see, but he’s gonna have the people ‘round ya tell ya how fuckin’ stupid of an idea this is.
I’m a trained fuckin’ animal. I hurt people fer a livin’, like I actually physically inflict as much pain as humanly possible. Yer a big mouth on the internet, yer a big mouth in the announce booth, that’s yer job. Just because ya talk ‘bout this shit doesn’t mean ya understand how ta actually go out and fuckin’ do it. If I had a dime fer every drunk idiot on the internet who thought they could kick the ass of a man trained ta kick asses, I’d be a very rich fuckin’ man Hudson. The mega millions wouldn’t have shit on me.
Last ‘round I told Sektor that I wasn’t like every other moron and halfwit they bring in fer these tournaments, but now I can truly see where he got the impression from. The voice of some back water four corners wrasslin, an asshole who sets up one of them wrasslin’ cruises, that’s my actual fuckin’ opponent this ‘round. Not the guy who goes out and busts his ass on the cruise, who lives and dies fer this shit. No, the dumb fuck promoter, the motor mouth behind it all gets ta come out and try ta take a swing. Yer gonna find out how the other half of this business lives Hudson, the broken bones, the cracked teeth, the bruises, the blood, and the pain. I’m gonna introduce ya ta all of it. Yer gonna be on a first name basis with every possible affliction ya can come across in that cage. Courtesy of me.