Alone in the Ashes

Alone in the Ashes

Posted on September 8, 2022 at 11:19 am by Bobbinette Carey

  • The white front door of her Chicago loft looked singed, yellow tape remaining around it with caution. The fire department, and the police had investigated. No structural damage really done, just superficial. Old brick buildings are great like that. She stood outside the door almost frozen. She had seen the photos but this was her first time seeing it in person. She needed to do this alone. A second week off in a row, now was the time to see the damage in person.

She stood there for what felt like an eternity till the buzzing of her phone snapped her out of it. She put the key in and opened the door. A flood of emotions overcame her as the smell of burnt objects filled her nose. She took steps inside seeing the broken boarded up window of her living room. She walks further into her home slowly. Her eyes look all over as she touches the once white walls that now have char marks on them. Her eyes look at the floor and the ashes on top of her photos. She feels a lump in the back of her throat as she picks up a corner of a photo. She wipes the mostly burned photo to see a friend’s face, ArcAngel. Her eyes can’t hold it back as tears start streaming down her cheeks. She stepped forward hearing the glass crunch under her feet of the shattered picture frames. She looked through the ash and soot as the memories, the pictures, all burned and gone. Seeing it in person was more crushing than the photos. This made it more real… this was done out of Malice… this was done to hurt her.

She walked to her bedroom seeing the drawers pulled out and her belongings strewn about with no care. Everything still smelled of smoke, the insurance people wanted her to take what she felt she could salvage. But looking at this, all of her hidden safe space. What she needed couldn’t be salvaged. She couldn’t get back what they took. They had taken her feeling of safety. She hugged herself tightly as tears caused her makeup to run. She looked down at the picture of ArcAngel that was one of the last times she felt safe in wrestling. It had been over a decade and he disappeared into the abyss.

Perhaps that is what she saw in Stronk, someone who could keep her safe. He was a protector and had fierce loyalty. She needed someone like that, though after DoA and their weird flirting type event he hasn’t said or even acknowledged that she even existed. She needed to speak to him, she needed to mend fences and clear up misunderstandings so she could feel safe. Looking at his face she felt safe. 

Right now all she felt was vulnerable and exposed. She felt like the word that turned her stomach “victim.” She swore she’d never let anyone make her a victim again. Yet, here she was standing alone in broken pieces feeling like the glass around her; broken. Someone had invaded a special place for her. She bit the side of her lip as she tucked the picture of ArcAngel into her pocket. She looked at her black canopy queen sized bed turned over and attempted to set it up. 

She grabs the mattress, to lift it only to fight with it pulling it towards her and falling against the wall. She screamed out in frustration pushing the mattress off of her. Her nose was red and her make up ruined. She felt defeated, she felt alone. It was sad and profound how much this destroyed place meant to her. How much she felt like this place, it was more than a building, it was a harbor and now it was gone. 

She walked out of the bedroom and towards the bathroom gagging at the putrid smell as she grabbed a tissue. She grabbed the rest of the box and exited the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She wiped her eyes blowing her runny nose. She had seen enough. She walked out of the apartment, locking it behind her. She closed her eyes as her back was to the door. If the only safe place she had for herself was gone she had two options: 1 find a safe escape and people that are safe. Option two: make everyone and everything suffer for her pain. Which would she choose? She wasn’t even sure at this point. She reached into her pocket taking out her phone. It rings a few times before someone on the other end picks up.

Bobbinette: Tell the insurance company nothing is salvageable. It is a total loss…

She hangs up the phone before heading towards the elevator. She pressed the button standing there as tears streamed down her cheeks. Her mind raced about how to find a safe protection and what all that would mean. The “ding” of the elevator took her out of her thoughts as she entered the empty elevator. She took one last look at the door as the elevator closed with a nod of respect as if it was a funeral for the home that housed so many fond memories.