Accountability…

Accountability feels like an attack when you’ve never been held accountable. No one in HOW has been held accountable for their actions, for their boundary crossing. And the fans are just as bad. So of course everything I say sounds like an attack to you because you haven’t been forced to be accountable for your actions. So the truth becomes problematic even though the truth is absolute. Cause you don’t care what the truth is.

 It can’t possibly be that I’m actually genuinely upset so my feelings are often dismissed because I’m a female therefore I’m irrational therefore my feelings don’t matter! Therefore there’s no possible way that any argument or feelings I have are actually valid.

Any complaint that I might have there’s no reason that we should go looking into it because I’m just a female who’s overly emotional by voicing that I take issue with something. It’s amazing that my gender is used when I set up boundaries. Normally it’s dismissed by those who don’t like boundaries, by those who would further dismiss someone’s feelings than actually validate them. fatphobia, body shaming, body dysmorphia. Rampant here in HOW.

Congratulations you’ve noticed I’m plus sized. The fat jokes are acceptable because it isn’t bullying! Let’s forget about Ashley Graham. Let’s forget about lizzo being a goddess, who cares that she can play the flute while twerking? I am a plus sized woman who is still getting back into the ring. But It doesn’t matter because we’re all plus size right? 

So your BMI dictates your worth? What a pathetic way of thinking! Especially since the BMI was invented by a man who was a mathematician. He didn’t work in the health field! He even said it shouldn’t be used to quantify a singular person. Something that most people in fitness and wellness actually understand and therefore loath the BMI. But then you get people who aren’t informed, the ones who struggle with severe body dysmorphia images, and have to project that on to others. So many of them are in wrestling and more males than we care to acknowledge struggle with it. So of course you’re going to point out my flaws because acknowledging your own is too horrifying. 

But let’s all focus on my weight issue. The only issue is that you think it’s any of your fucking business. Congratulations you’ve reduced yourself to that of a high school mean girl. If I didn’t let those chicks bother me back then because I had a curvy body I’m sure as hell not letting a bunch of beta males control my self-esteem. Key word is self. You think you can do more damage to me than I already did to myself? Bitch please! 

After years of therapy I have learned that the issue is weak men have issues with me because they can’t control me. Weak men try to degrade females to take away her power. Your weakness is my strength now. Your inability accept that my weight doesn’t diminish me gives me strength. I love me, cause I’m a bad bitch who’s light you can’t extinguish.

So go ahead just because your body standards fall to a more European aesthetic. Therefore if I don’t match what you determine as beauty I am less valuable? No sir it’s you who is the problem. I am a beautiful body positive woman. I have birthed three children. I have put my body through more shit in wrestling and had kids then still got back in the ring! Let’s see you squeeze a watermelon out of your dick! But because I’m fat, that is your focus, I’m not in shape. Fat people can’t wrestle right? It has to be skinny fuck boys, and twinks, who are the ideal wrestling bodies. That’s it right there, that’s the joke.

 But with you all it’s It’s not just with weight it’s also often with skin color “You’re pretty for a black girl”; “if you were white I would totally date you”; “if you weren’t black oh my God you’d be the hottest person ever.” All these passive aggressive microaggressions because of some false form of colonization standards of beauty. Let’s be honest colonizers have been stealing from us for decades and centuries they still do. Women get injections in their lips to look like what black excellence is supposed to but yet voicing these issues I’m the problem. White bitches with “still I rise.” Tattoos not realizing it’s about celebrating the freedom from slavery and our ancestors. Even dread locks were ours too. But we can’t have anything without you all whining about it. Yet you culturally appropriate my heritage and I’m the problem?

I understand you do it for clout. For the longest time my mind was brainwashed by these corrupt standards of beauty and what masculinity was. So Everytime I’m out there my words are like a shock to the system. Of course you fight back and try to resist unlearning problematic behavior. You’re part of the problem and I am the solution. 

I am forcing people to be accountable for their words. Jatt the perfect example of this…but he is not the only one to blame for this. No it takes two to tango. Scottywood … of course. (You didn’t think I’d say me did you?) Scottywood asked me to cover his interview. Being a good partner I did, unaware Jatt was going to trigger me. They both got what they deserved. Again accountability for their actions. Jatt kept bringing up Mario… I came back first, Mario wasn’t even a thought. Yet there he is… honestly his obsession with interfering in my career is just tragic. But I’m not even letting it stress me. Because I have the power and you don’t.

It could be anyone I come face to face with in the Battle Royal and I’m not going to call you all out by name because you don’t deserve it. Most of you are dismissible and forgettable, sure some of you might have random wins against me; but if I don’t remember do you think the fans really do? After all, according to some I’m a has been now so these wins against me shouldn’t even count. but wait I’m a hall of famer.. Wait I’ve held the main belt twice.

I’m from the era when the titles could change hands any and every night and anything could happen. I was part of that. Sure you new kids think you are ready to be the big dog top honcho and I applaud you for that. I don’t need to be, I’ve already been to the mother fucking mountain top! Twice only woman to do that too.

The funny thing is Everyone fears Mike Best, but so far in my return He is tied one to one with me. History books would say we’re equals whereas I am sure you would all disagree. But that’s what matters at the end of the day is your legacy. what is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you may never get to see grow. I’ve left my mark on HOW to where even after I’ve accomplished that no other female has even come close to walking in my footsteps.

I will usher in an era where females can do what I did and not have to fear repercussions of sexism or chauvinist toxic men who stand in her way just call her a slut, for being a female. I will be the reason why females can partner with other men and not be alluded to sex. I am giving them the template to use for when I am gone from this Earth they will still look back at what I did and say “thank you” for it. You won’t though. I don’t expect any of you men to understand what I’m doing because it’s a boy’s club already? Whereas women have had to claw and fight to get an ounce.

But you’re thinking what the hell is she talking about? “Fake wokeness” The proof is the fact that there’s still so much talk about my sex life, about who’s in my bed. Yet my sex life is such an interesting topic, when it really it’s no one’s business. But you all like to think it is. But there’s that fantasy, that illusion that I slept with almost every partner I’ve had. Which is really gross have you looked at them? Most men that I partnered with I’ve emasculated. I think of them like gay bff’s or gal pals. So my vagina being a topic shows how much further we still have to go before there’s equality

Sure be mad at me for speaking out against sexism, body shaming and the inequality and racial disparities in wrestling and I’m in the wrong? No it’s still the closed-minded, toxic, misogynistic men; whose mindset are of an era gone bye. But since they’re the majority, this is still the main status quo. Because the majority are the ones who make the rules, and the minorities are the ones forced to endure it. That ends now.

 

I do not consent!

____________

We see Bobbinette Carey on her private jet. She has a tablet open seeing her daughter Mimi on the screen. The little Carey’s face is up close to the screen.

Mimi: I miss you mama!

The little girl says with a big smile her face covered in chocolate.

Bobbinette: I miss you too, my beautiful princess. What is all over your face?

She inquirers, with the motherly tone prevalent.

Mimi: Brownie!! Auntie Chelle gave it to me. Where’s uncle scooter?

She asks, looking around Bobbinette’s background.

Bobbinette: he’s not flying with mommy any more.

Bobbinette says trying to keep her face in a composed manner.

Bobbinette: you remember when you used mommy’s matte lipstick and drew on the walls?

The little girl’s eyes widened as her smile faded.

Bobbinette: Yes well he needed to be punished so now he has to get places by himself.

Mimi: momma when are you coming home?

She asks anxiously.

Bobbinette: mama will be home tomorrow for a few days.

The little girl’s eyes light up as she starts jumping up and down. Bobbinette laughs nodding her head.

Bobbinette: Okay princess pretty m. You go to sleep and mama will see you tomorrow. 

Mimi: ok momma love you!

The little girl smiles at the video blowing kisses to her mom as the video ends. Bobbinette smiles, putting the tablet down with a sigh. She was already gone from the arena before the show even ended. She looked out the window, biting the side of her cheek. Her face now sollom as the flight attendant walked towards her with a glass of champagne.

Flight attendant: so your friend won’t be flying with us?

Bobbinette’s eyebrows flared as she looked at her name tag.

Bobbinette: Well Louise, my partnership has come to an end with him. 

Louise: I’m sorry.

Bobbinette: I’m not. It makes more sense because the journey ahead is one I have to do alone.

Her tablet starts to light up and it’s a video call from a group called “mom squad.” She jumps and connects the video. There are two women each in separate windows. One has purple hair, brown eyes and freckles to a rounder face with a button nose. She looks to be in her mid 30s. The second is a slender woman with light brown hair with red highlights, she’s got a longer jaw line with light brown eyes also in her mid to late 30s. Bobbinette smiles and waves to them.

Bobbinette: Hey ladies!

Purple hair: Bobbie we watched… you attacked the poor kid…

Brown hair: She’s already on a plane! 

Purple hair: I see that Michelle!

Michelle: Are you going to the next location?

The friend who has been identified as Michelle asks as her observation was a little too on point.

Bobbinette: No, I’m coming home for a little bit. I want to hug mimi. And thank you both for taking care of her. You two are epicness.

Purple hair: deflecting…

Bobbinette: judgement free zone Leah!!

Bobbinette says snapping at her friend. Michelle’s face twists as she changes her tone.

Michelle: We are just worried about you. And we know you cared about scooter….

Leah: No judgement , always love. We want to make sure you’re doing what’s best for you.

Bobbinette: The first step was the hardest, cutting him out. This is why I would have a court of knights so if one got an idea that didn’t align with mine he was replaced no big deal. But now it is just me and I am at peace with it.

She said with a sigh.

Leah: No you’re not.

Leah obviously seems to be calling Bobbinette on her bull.

Michelle: Leah…

Michelle cautions the other friend. The two give wide eyes to each other. Saying words with our saying anything.

Leah: Michelle no. She said for us to call her on her stuff when she’s not being honest with herself.

The spunky purple haired woman says looking at Bobbinette. 

Bobbinette: Friendships in wrestling don’t exist. In time he will see he drove me to do it. And he will accept ownership for the fall out. 

Michelle: Is that why you’re coming home?

Michelle’s face looks soft and filled with concern. Leah is paying attention to every move Bobbinette’s face makes.

Leah: And not Mimi’s dad?

Bobbinette: not her dad, just a sperm donor.

Bobbinette says snapping quickly.

Bobbinette: no honestly I just want to hug my daughter and have a few days mental prep for next Sunday… refueled. Lethal lottery… with a lot of people who have had my name come out of their mouths.

Michelle: You don’t have one person who would help you? 

Leah: Doesn’t seem like any of them would be that nice.

Bobbinette looks at her friends with a smile. They aren’t wrestling fans but they support her. It made her feel better knowing that someone was in her corner emotionally.

Bobbinette: There are a bunch of names going into it. More than half the roster I’ve never faced. The others… yeah I may be their least favorite female of all time. Because they don’t respect female athletes. They don’t respect me because I stand for everything they don’t understand because they have that privilege. 

Leah: Remember when I suggested a cruise and dating again? And instead you went back to Wrestling?

Leah looks worried at her friend.

Bobbinette: I don’t have to even enter this.

Michelle: Then why are you doing it?

She looks nervously at Bobbinette. Both friends seem to express worry.

Bobbinette: It’s called ring rust ladies. Since Jatt and Scooter and lord knows who else… I need this to knock off the rust and make a stand. I need to show I’m going to be more than a voice. I’m going to show them that yes I’m a body positive plus size wrestler who can still hold her own no matter the opponent. Plus having a chance to go for a title? I mean I have held titles…but that was before I had Mimi.

She looks out the window away from the video feed of her friends. The two look nervous.

Bobbinette: this on my own proves that I’m capable and still pose a threat.

Her friends nod unsure of what to say.

Bobbinette: My voice won’t be ignored with a title on my shoulder. People will have to listen and I will reform HOW and bring an era of equality. I broke the glass ceiling, now I have to help others achieve the heights I did. The only way I can do that and honor Lee Best’s memory is to insure the toxic masculinity is destroyed one man at a time.

Michelle: What about the women in HOW?

Bobbinette looks over at the video. It was a good question and there weren’t a lot of females in HOW.

Bobbinette: Every woman in HOW deserves respect for stepping in the ring. Their attempts to hold their own. Right now it is just Eli and myself and I respect any woman who has walked in my shadow. I crawled, so they could run.

She said her voice sounding inspirational. Her friend nod not exactly getting it but still supporting their friend.

Bobbinette: I’m on my way home. I’ll be working out in my gym till Mimi gets home from school. You guys can come over and we can talk while I prep.

Leah: I’ve got wine!

Michelle: we will be your cheer squad and drink while you do that. Also questions about Mimi’s “sperm donor.”

Michelle says with a raised eyebrow using air quotes.

Bobbinette: Love you both. We will talk when I get home.

Leah: Love you guys!!

Michelle: Love y’all!

She hangs up the video call and turns her chair towards the window. Her glass of champagne untouched. She was deep in thought. She was alone and for the first time in forever she had far more enemies than friends. The odds were not in her favor which meant she needed to do this in spite of them.