Abraham Lincoln Was A Fucking Mark

Abraham Lincoln Was A Fucking Mark

Posted on July 4, 2024 at 9:41 pm by Mike Best

Sorry, only read 3/5ths of that promo.

You’re right, Carey. I am an adult toddler having a fucking tantrum. And I’m not apologizing, because I am fucking TIRED of all this. I’m tired of this bullshit “I’m just not gonna do HOFC” nonsense. No one in the history of HOW has ever said “eh, I’m not a cage match guy, I think I’m gonna just not do this cage match”. So people sure love to say they respect me, and call me the GOAT and all this load of crap ego boosting they do, but then I get hit with this constant disrespect.

You aren’t above this shit, Carey.

You half saltine fucking choco taco.

If almost two decades in HOW and a speedrun of every Econo Lodge mattress on the Ohio Indy circuit didn’t teach you how to talk shit, that’s not my problem. This isn’t a State school, honey, the color of your skin isn’t gonna get you a free pass to slide in with a lower GPA than mine. The only affirmative action I want to see inside of that cage this week is you nodding your fucking head “yes” when the referee asks you if you want to quit.

Honestly?

I feel bad for you.

I feel bad for you, because being a proud technically black woman in a company full of button pushing white dudes, all you ever hear about is your gender, the color of your skin, and your body type. Even I’m over here pressing the easiest to press buttons, trying to get a rise out of you. But it’s a disservice to you, Carey, because everyone is so busy calling you a fat, nut gobbling halfbreed that no one ever takes the time to tell you that you’re fucking garbage in the ring.

Yeahhhh, THAT’S the button.

That’ll do it.

Cause you’re used to racism, and sexism, and body shaming. You deal with it every day. You have an armor for that. But for me to just shoot you straight? Maybe that’ll light a fire. Because Bob, if you were a white dude, not a single wrestling fan would know your name. You don’t play the black vagina card because you CAN, you play it because you HAVE to. Because the last remarkable thing you did in HOW that didn’t involve your genitals or the color of your skin was steal a fucking War Games from Shane Reynolds, years before I even worked here.

Even the Mario shit, Carey.

Your last World Title.

It was a “I’m fucking the Whack o’meter guy” gimmick.

Yeah, I’m having a little tantrum and saying a bunch of racist, sexist shit just to get you pissed off. Of course I am. Of course I don’t mean the shit. Trying to pop the boys and get a Shark Week rant out of you. But I’m also doing it because you did the same thing everyone does when they’re afraid of the optics in a HOFC match against me, Carey.

Gotta protect your heat, right?

Same shit your boy Conor did. Same shit your boy Jace did. You can’t fucking beat me and you know it, so you’re going into business for yourself and making it about you, same as you always do. Well go fuck yourself, Bobbi. You dont wanna get any heat for this one? Fine, I’ll take enough for both of us. I’m gonna lay a beating into you that’s uncomfortable for the world to watch. I’m gonna kneel on your neck until the match is over, and then watch the city riot for two weeks when I don’t go to jail for it. They’re gonna chant “SAY HER NAME”. So maybe one of those dipshit personalities of yours has something interesting to say about all this, Bob, because I’d hate for your last words be “I Can’t Breathe”.

I’ll spot you the last hundred words.

I know you people like handouts.