The sum of all fears. Do you know what that is? Do you know what it means? To a lot of people, it’s just some fucking movie starring Ben Affleck and Morgan Freeman. You know, Jack Ryan shit. But do you know what the sum of all fears means to me? Imagine for a second…your personal life and your work life basically converging. That’s exactly what it is for me. My work life and my personal life have basically slowly been mixing together and now it’s nearly impossible to separate the two. Hell, to some people that actually is a good thing. But for me? The kind of life that I have outside the squared circle is a complicated one…a dark one. Sure my wrestling career is filled with memories, but it’s also full of setbacks and embarrassment. All anyone ever talks about anymore is Brian Hollywood being a joke..being a punching bag of resentment from everyone in the god damn HOW locker room. I may have changed as a person…but it doesn’t matter. I’m either the worst fucking guy to tag with or a smile or a heavy sigh on an opponents face because they think their time is being wasted on a guy like me. Maybe their right. Or maybe it’s just hot air of frustration. All I know is that at least I AM being talked about! I wouldn’t be able to tell you one way or the other how I fucking feel about it all but there was one thing that was important to me. Identifying who my brother is and tracking down and getting justice against my sisters killer. So yes…my personal life has gotten in the way of my professional wrestling life and I’m not about to apologize for it. I had gathered a plan to put an end to it all. Was it an extreme one? Perhaps. Was it risky to pull off? Perhaps. However, at least I knew my plan would put all three problems at ease…even if it meant that my professional wrestling career took a massive hit. Believe me….it’s taken a hit. But I’m so close now to the entire truth. At this point, I didn’t care if it costed me everything…and by everything I was talking about my professional wrestling career in HOW. I hadn’t been focused, haven’t been around. I was in and out the door at an event faster than the Road Runner escaping Wile E Coyote and I didn’t give a flying fuck. That wouldn’t have been the Brian Hollywood five years ago. HOW WAS Hollywood’s entire life five years ago. Now? Brian Hollywood had priorities and those priorities involved his family. Had you asked about Brian Hollywood giving a shit about anything involving his family five years ago and it would have been laughed off. Now, though? The priority had been realized and even more than that. There was a realization that Hollywood had a chance to solve everything that had been plaguing him these last few years and solving a little over half a decades worth of mysteries and secrets. It was time to put an end to it all so that maybe, just maybe, Hollywood could be at ease with himself and really show that he still had something left to prove when it came to his career in HOW. Regardless…something had to give and the levee was about to break. The question is, though, which levee would break first? His HOW career? Or his personal life and finding the answers he so desperately needed when it came to his family? It was a difficult spot to be in. It had literally gotten so bad that the question and the priority shifted so much that there was only one question that formed and was at the forefront of Hollywood’s conscious..what would he chose in the end? HOW or family?
A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE
I will be the first one to tell you that my career in HOW has been nearly anything but stellar these last several months. Hell I only have one win in the year of 2023 alone. Not exactly the greatest thing to tout about. I’d be lying if I told you that I was completely fine and that these last several months have been nothing but unlucky circumstance for yours truly.
Maybe the old Brian Hollywood would find a way to make a plausible excuse…but that was the old Hollywood.
A lot of people in the HOW locker room will tell you that is true and the ones today would tell you that it’s still just a facade. But there is nothing facade about what I’m going through. I know with my track record in HOW that I wouldn’t even think for one second to try and find the first excuse to make and to make it a plausible one. But I’ve been in HOW far too long to be taken at my word. The truth is I don’t have an excuse for my poor performance in that ring. I may not have been the best wrestler in this company, but even in those days I would cover up for myself and make excuses for days about how I was unable to get shit done in the ring. The ring is a place where debts get settled and doubts get suplexed out or Executive Promised and Executive Decreed. That’s how I was and I didn’t own up to my mistakes. There was simply no room for them. But regardless, I carved out a path of destruction and handled my business. It may not have been the honest way or even the right way, but the fact remained…I bounced back and took care of my shit in that ring…regardless of the opponent.
Now, though? It doesn’t even matter how much I’ve changed or how much I made a difference. You can’t excuse god awful. Hell, there isn’t even a fucking way in the playbook that you can even justify what you see in that ring with your own two eyes. So what happened? What happened to my edge? It just isn’t even in the ring anymore and I haven’t even bothered to cover it up or even try to explain it a different way where it made me look better.
I guess you could say I lost the edge. I really did. I’m a fucking shell of my former self. Hell, I have seen it in every single opponent I have faced this year. They don’t see a HOW Hall of Fame nominee or even a former two time HOW World Champion. They see a man who is broken and a man they can quickly make quick work of in the ring. They see a man who, despite his many accolades in HOW and HOW Grand Slam Champion, is someone that EVERYONE can make fast work of. I mean, for fucks sake, even the rookies in HOW don’t even think for one second I’m worth a fuck anymore. It doesn’t matter what accolades I possess in my HOW career. They don’t even see or acknowledge it anymore…even as a veteran. I’ve been in HOW since 2011 and I have come a long way since I debuted in this company. You want to know why they don’t care? You want to know even why even the veterans and HOW Hall of Famers around here constantly sigh or scoff? On both sides the answer is simply the same. There is no shock value to it. There is no oh my god, why would they talk and trash Brian Hollywood like that? A decorated HOW veteran. And you know what? The answer is fucking simple…
Maybe I just don’t have what it takes anymore.
No…I can’t think like that.
Clearly I’m a confused, washed up has been. No…that line of thinking will put me in an even worse position than I am right now mentally.
I am trying to be positive in all of this. I just have to take a breath and breathe. The deeper I get in my family involvement in finding the truth, the more my ability to be a HOW wrestler goes down. I know I should be better than this. But what’s going on in my personal life needs to be settled…because if it doesn’t, I’m going to go so far down that rabbit hole that there isn’t going to be a way to climb out of it. I could kiss my HOW career goodnight.
I can’t think like that…
I won’t think like that…
This week I just so happen to be in another tag team match against The Final Alliance. My tag partner? Rhys Townsend.
I know what you’re thinking…and NO it’s not a Ground Zero reunion.
Hell, Rhys Townsend is just like everyone else in that HOW locker room right now. They see themselves on the bill with Brian Hollywood on it and it’s immediately a burden to them. I get it. Really I do. It’s the same thing I’ve harped on and it comes down to just another person who has to get caught up with yours truly. I don’t have all the answers…I really wish I did…but I just don’t.
I know I have to get things figured out. The deeper in family shit I get, the more dangerous it gets to acknowledge the fact just how in jeopardy my HOW career is right now. Everyone knows that back then, when you faced Brian Hollywood or you tagged with him, you would get the very BEST from him. Now, it’s just an extra chore. You know, that one is on me. I have stated that I have to get myself back on track…but until I get shit figured out with my family…I have to be honest with myself. I’m just going to be a distraction and it absolutely PAINS ME to fucking say that…it really does…but the old Hollywood would have just laughed that fucking off and dismissed it as anything but what it actually was.
So this week is going to be a testament of what I need to do. Rhys, I know you have no desire to team with me. No one in that HOW locker room wants anything to do with Brian Hollywood…so I don’t blame you that you are just another name on that long list of HOW wrestlers that simply wants me to leave and get out of your hair. Truth is…I can’t just give this up.
HOW is literally the best thing I’ve ever had or have ever known. I’d be lost without it. It’s made me a better person and it’s made me a better wrestler. To be able to fight the absolute best of wrestlers in the entire world only makes me better with each passing match and each passing week. Out of all the places I’ve ever wrestled, NOWHERE has been better than HOW has. I’ve been grateful of it, too. All the lessons and all the prep and working with each and every HOW wrestler past and present has made me a better person….but today? Today all it seems is that I’m a toxic…a poison that HOW can’t afford to have. How did it ever get to this point? I’ve always prided myself on being the best and doing things that I can do to better my career in this company. I may have a big ego, but even my ego now doesn’t even want to entertain the thought of protecting my own legacy.
But despite being treated like absolute shit and shut down by any and all HOW wrestler in that locker room, I just can’t take my ball and go home. It’s just not in my fucking DNA. I may be alone in HOW and don’t have anyone to have my back or in my corner, but I can’t deny the very opportunity in front of me. I’m aware the two men I will be facing along with Rhys Townsend. Jatt Starr and Mike Best. Or better known as The Final Alliance.
I’ve had my fair share of fights against the Final Alliance and I’ve been on the winning side more than the losing side when it comes to the Final Alliance. But as I sit here and think, I can’t help but to realize that when pitted against the Alliance…or any version of it, I’ve come out on top almost every time. I may be regarded as shit around here and not worth anyone’s fucking time…but when it comes to any version of the Alliance or Best Alliance…I’ve always shown and proved that I can fight against any version of the Best Alliance and come out on top.
Now don’t get your fucking panties in a bunch…I know the first thing that’s going to be mentioned. I have been defeated by the Alliance before or I don’t even deserve a chance to face any alliteration of the Alliance. Yet here I am and yet here I keep getting booked against them. I won’t even get into why. There’s no point. Either you’ve heard me talk about it or have seen my face them and the results speak for themselves. Could this be a chance to get myself on the right track? Maybe. But it still doesn’t take away the fact that I’ve found more success against them then anything else.
Rhys, you can deny that or not put any stock in it as you please…but even when you were still around and after you left, every chance I got when I faced any version of the Alliance, I’ve found a way to come out on top.
Now will this be the case this Sunday? Who fucking knows. All I know is that I’m very happy I get a chance at fighting the very best in Jatt Starr and Mike Best. Everyone knows I won’t back down from a fight.
Do I have shit to figure out in my life and in my head? Yes, I do. But you better bet that’s not going to stop me from getting another chance to fight the Alliance.
Rhys, you may not have any faith in me, just like the rest of the roster. But you can be rest assured I’m going to fight by your side and try to get a win for ourselves. I’ve got a lot of personal shit to work out…but despite your feelings on me….I’m still going to show up and fight by your side.
Either way…whether or not you and I fight side by side and the rest of the HOW locker room have negative views on me….I’m still going to show up and attempt to get business done.
One way or another…
I know I still have shit to figure out….I just don’t know how many people I’ve got in my corner in this business anymore..