A Good Hand.

I expected these delusions of grandeur from Simon Loveless, but I didn’t think YOU were capable of being so foolish, Steve.

You make fun of my beliefs like they’re some twisted fantasy, and then call yourself the #1 Dad like I’m supposed to be impressed by your weird fetishes. I’m not into that sort of thing.

The thing is, I feel like you heard everything I had to say about that and decided to ignore it…who’s spinning the narrative now?

For one thing, I never called you the “hottest thing on TV”…in fact, far from it. Being a mainstay doesn’t mean you’re the most talented in the world, or even in the company…it means you do just well enough not to fail any performance reviews, and you keep your head down enough not to cause too much trouble.

I suppose you’re right, though…in some ways, I do feel a little spoiled coming in as an unknown. The best part of doing my research, though? Knowing just how full of shit you are when you gloat about your success, and try to play the “HOW is the big leagues” card like I’m supposed to in awe of you.

You’ve got some real nerve playing that card, by the way. If anybody in HOW could be the champion in any other wrestling company, why aren’t you…a man boasting about being ranked number one in the company at some stage…even a champion here?

Let me play some Shania Twain for ya, because that don’t impress me much.

Maybe that’s why you got an invite to the Best Alliance. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link, and if Mike Best is the reigning World Champion, Jatt Starr is the LSD Champion and shares tag gold with John Sektor, what does that make you? The “good hand” that can get things done every once in a blue moon?

Give me a break.

Let’s move on, and talk about your hate boner against outsiders for a moment, because it amazes me that you, a man accusing me of not “spitting for real,” have the audacity to give basically the same spiel that you did against Cashe.

The difference between us is that I actually won a match in this tournament. He got a first-round bye thinking he was hot shit, but burned out quickly.

So good job changing up the homework a little to not make it obvious, but you still failed.

I’m nothing like the other outsiders that stepped into this tournament. I’ve actually proved my worth so far.

Make fun of my path to get to this round all you want, but by your own logic you had the same path. In your eyes, Black Mamba was a wash, and Jason Cashe was all hype.

Which is it, then? Did you have it tougher than me getting to the Elite Eight, or not?

I knew exactly what I was doing calling you out, Steven…and now that I’m living inside your head rent-free, I think I’m gonna start putting in a bed and some nice chairs. I’ll be here a while.

Yes, I’m real…and in a few days I’m gonna be a real fucking nightmare for you.

For all your bitching and complaining about me saying the “same old shit,” did you notice that I didn’t call you an old man? I thought about making a remark to the effect of “I respect my elders” but hell, you’re four years older than I am.

That’s another reason I’m not calling you Dad, you’re not old enough…and again, I’m not into that stuff.

So now, do me a favor and stop telling me to keep it real…I’ve been doing just that since I got here. I haven’t gone around bragging about my past achievements, because just as you’ve even pointed out, nothing I’ve done outside has mattered since I showed up in HOW.

You know what does matter? Everything I do in that cage from the moment the bell rings to the moment my hand is raised in victory.

So go on, keep making fun of my goddess…just don’t ignore the fruits of my labor. Everything I do, I do for her…and soon, I’m going to destroy you for her amusement.

Once I’m done with that, Steve-O, I won’t have to live inside your head anymore. I’m gonna change the locks and move on to the next idiot that wants to mock me.

And then, you can go back to being a good hand.