750 Words: Participation Trophy Edition

750 Words: Participation Trophy Edition

Posted on May 28, 2022 at 10:54 pm by Lee Best

Xander Azula.

The 5’11” 230lb walking participation trophy of High Octane Wrestling.

I mean you LITERALLY are the poster child for this generation.

You have ZERO chance at winning at War Games.

Zero.

Let’s take a look at a few things that might happen before you actually win a championship here in High Octane Wrestling:

  1. I will shuffle this High Octane Wrestling card deck multiple times and get the same exact order
  2. I will walk outside and get killed by the HOTv satellite falling from the sky
  3. Harrison getting a perfect NCAA tournament bracket
  4. Bobbinette Carey becoming the United States President
  5. Scottywood standing up to piss
  6. Clay Byrd becoming a vegan
  7. Clay Byrd winning the World Championship
  8. Simon Sparrow not using a nickname in a promo
  9. Steve Solex drinking a wine cooler
  10. Darin Zion lasting in the Discord
  11. Conor Fuse retaining the World Championship at War Games
  12. White being the New Orange
  13. Stronk Godson eating less than 1200 calories at breakfast
  14. David Noble staying at a Marriott
  15. Jace Parker Davidson getting a reply to one of his DM’s not named Chris Hansen
  16. America sitting down for the Pledge of Allegiance
  17. Jeffrey James Roberts letting anyone call him Jimmy

 

I could go on and on and on….but you get the point don’t you?

You are here because you are a nice guy….gosh darn it people like you.

I…….however……do not.

You see I don’t understand how you are even in the fucking match? Like there is ZERO fucking chance your team wins let alone you being the sole surviving member and being crowned the World Champion at the show.

I mean even if by some fucking miracle your team wins and you end up surviving with someone named Solex or Sparrow….you honestly think that Conor Fuse would select you to be the World Champion?

No fucking way.

Anything he says otherwise is a fucking lie.

There is a lot of that going around here in High Octane Wrestling at the moment….lying.

Folks lying to each other about how good they are.

Folks lying to themselves about the value they bring to the company.

You all need fucking Jesus in your life.

Yes I mean my Son.

Yes I meant Kneesus.

Watching Xander Azula, stupid fucking name by the way and the reason some companies only use one wrestlers name in promotional shit, is going to be BORING for folks.

It is like a car crash…everyone is going to want to see how you get ELIMINATED at War Games…they want to see the carnage of how you leave the event.

They want to see you bleed.

They want to see you lose.

You will do both.

Not because that is what you want to do ……but its because that is what you were born to do.

You were born to be the first step everyone steps on when they are ascending to the greater heights that they were born for.

You are a stepping stone.

But hey…everyone likes you.

You try hard.

We appreciate your self-deprecating humor

You are a nice guy.

Like all Nice guys you will finish LAST at War Games.

Not even trying to hide that spoiler.

It is what it is.

Accept it.

Move on.

Take your pat on the backs for your good effort and your scrappiness.

In the end the movie will end the same way for you no matter where you go.

You are the loser that folks love to have around because it makes them feel better.

So keep on losing buddy.

We all will keep feeling better for it.