I sure hope you didn’t put a lot of time and effort into that thing you did yesterday, Cancer… I saw how it was addressed and well, the last time I got one of those kinds of emails/letters my dick itched for a month. It was some new miracle drug that enlarges the penis, I really ought to send it to Steve Harrison. Apparently my penis was large enough already, because it didn’t do me much good. In fact I think it shrunk a little after the burning sensation went away. But according to Doozer, Steve really needs all the help he can get in that department.
Wait, you’re his tag team partner, you should know. Just how tiny is Harrison’s microdick?
Anywho, I feel bad. I know your laziness is only rivaled by my own, so I understand the effort it took for you to write that letter. I’m assuming it was a letter. Knowing you it could have been pictures of my mom naked, again.
I’m actually surprised it took you so long buddy. I actually was starting to get concerned for you. 3 fucking days! For a minute there I thought you disappeared on me. The thought of losing to me was just too unbearable you had to take your ball and go home, huh? I guess I can’t be lucky twice in one month, can I? First a win over Mitch, and then you disappear. Man, that would have been great! To see the look on Steve’s face as he loses the tag team titles to Zion and Hollywood. You remember what that’s like, don’t you?
I’m actually kind of glad you decided to participate, regardless of your promptness. It’ll be nice to finally have a chance to return all the abuse you’ve dished out over the years. This whole week, I’ve lied in bed dreaming of stuffing your perfectly coiffed head of hair into my tights. Rubbing my nut sack on the back of your stupid head, while your sunglasses get smudged with my ball sweat.
You struggling to dig your fat head out from my tights, I’ll finally get to drop you on the top of your dome once and for all! Hey! Maybe I can put you in the hospitable for a month like Mike did me all those years ago. Remember? Remember those days when you would come up and sit at my bedside, crying about how much you cared for me.
I’m assuming you were crying. I was in a coma, so I don’t remember much from those days.
You know, I never understood why you thought you were the leader of the eGG Bandits after all these years. I still can’t figure it out. Hell, everyone likes me more than you anyway. Zeb should have been our leader, he had such a pure heart. I’m so glad he was able to get away from you, before you were able to taint his soul.
I heard that Doozer literally cries himself to sleep because of your “Sleep on it” bullshit. Every time he goes to bed, he tucks himself under his Superman sheets, and kisses his autographed Christopher Reeves picture, he lies there thinking of all those times you told him to sleep on it. And he can’t stop the tears from running down his cheeks. The poor boy.
I bet that’s why he went away last time. He pitched us a great idea, that Zeb and I were all for, and then you come strolling in casually late, it’s a theme for you I suppose. Anyway, you walk in, and after two seconds you shit on it, and he just couldn’t take it anymore. The sad thing is you probably didn’t even check on him. Heartless monster.
QT, you probably thought I forgot about you. But the truth is, I’m still waiting to hear back from you on our merger. BobbyWord! Remember!? I’ve already got the commercials filmed, the new business cards made, and all I need if for you to give me the go ahead.
Cancer, I never thought I’d look forward to the day I get your face between my thighs. But now? Oh man, I’m counting down the hours. The minutes. The very seconds! I simply cannot wait! See you in…
51 hours and 14 minutes and 56, 55, 54, 53, 52, 51, 50….