3. Will the Real Mike Best Please Stand Up?

3. Will the Real Mike Best Please Stand Up?

Posted on May 26, 2021 at 12:33 am by Scott Stevens

There he is.

It’s about time the real Mike Best stood up front and center so I could get a better look at him.

Where you been Mike?

If I knew this is what it was going to take for you to finally show up I would’ve done it on the very first promo. What you call the worst promo in HOFC history is actually the best because it triggered you into such an atomic frenzy that you want to rain down a literal nuclear holocaust upon me. All it took to reach your Chernobyl melting point was taking a fucking deuce in your HOFC bowl of cereal for you to finally get away from the kiddy table and face me like the fucking champion you are supposed to be! How’d those Fat Men and Little Boys taste in your cheerios by the way?

I know this is a retirement match dipshit, but if you aren’t going to give two fucks about it than why should I?

I’m being serious Michael.

Since you’re in the shooting mood, let’s shoot my friend. You did call me a few days ago and told me to take this match more seriously than any match before. You coached me up and I was appreciative of the advice you gave because everyone knows HOFC is not my strongest attribute. However, the coach’s own advice turns hypocritical when the first two promos contain idiocy, Peter Pan jokes and potential letters from Baby Stevens. I’m literally like what the fuck is this? What’s the point of continuing on? Why should I care about a match if my own opponent is phoning it in?

You’re right, you could’ve left me in the discord and people could have their little stabs at me like it’s going to bother me. My name may not be Ryan, but hardly anything Fazes me. See there? That’s me imitating you there Mike, trying to be all cute and non-serious. However, I’m in no laughing matter.

The last time you got cute I made you fucking tap in the center of the ring. When you aren’t trying to be cute you’re knocking fucks out because I know that first hand. That is the Mike Best that should’ve been ripping me apart two promos ago, but you had to get cute and phone it in. Well I hope you can hear me now Mike because if that Mike shows up again I’m going to do both of us a favor and tap the fuck out and retire myself because my time is precious and if you aren’t putting your absolute best into this match than why should I?

You’re on the correct path because the Mike Best I just saw is the Mike Best I want to beat. That Mike Best not only was he a cocky little shit, but a confident little shit that went to other wrestling companies and put his career on the line because he knew he couldn’t be touched. He was invincible and in his search for championships and Hall of Fame rings to add to the Best Gauntlet he proved to everyone that he was the best around.

This person that has been posing as you was making want to go find the bullet that Cecilworth Farthington failed to kill himself with and put myself out of my fucking misery.

For real.

I don’t want to face the haiku writing, artsy fartsy, Mike Best because I already beat him and when I did he still wouldn’t give me my do. I want to beat your true incarnation that has been dominating High Octane Wrestling since the Refueled Era started. The man who commanded an eMpire. The man who hasn’t lost in over two years. The man who retired an ICON. The man who gets HOW a discounted group rate at the hospital. The man who killed his own brother. Because when I beat and I will beat you Mike it will silence everyone including you forever.

Also, in response to your little Death Match challenge……

The answer is NO.

You can call me a bitch and a coward all you want, but the truth is I don’t need shovels or metal rods to get the job done. All I need is my hands to snap your neck like a twig, but I have something else in store for you. A fate worse than death. I want you to live Mike knowing forever that it was I that retired you.