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Oh shit, Mike Best opened up his mouth again with a bunch of creative ways he’s gonna cave my skull in. Is there a list of synonyms out there fer cavin’ a feller’s skull in with yer knee? Are ya out of them yet? Yer insults cut so deep Michael, they cut me ta the fuckin’ core. Each time ya trashed my accent and berated me fer bein’ from Texas really had me in tears. I’m the kid in the corner in school that ya can just keep tossin’ yer own shit on. What’s next, yer gonna make fun of my last name? OH THERE IT IS! Fuckin’ christ. I’m in a fight with an actual fuckin’ fifth grader. 

Mikey, I understand just like the fifth grade bully yer life was difficult. Yer trek ta prominence in this business and industry had ta be absolutely brutal. Ya had ta earn everythin’ you’ve ever received, ya clawed, scratched and scraped fer it. Or, ya know… yer Dad is the principle at school. Little Mikey can run ‘round actin’ like a shit bag, everyone wantin’ ta fuckin’ kill him, fightin’ with everyone but by some freak divine intervention Mikey Best never gets his comeuppance. 

That all changes Michael. 

Cause everyone of those lil creepy shits with no self esteem get what’s comin’ ta them at some point. There ain’t no avoidin’ it. I dunno if yer whore mother beat the fuck out of ya as a child, or if it was yer experience as a costar in her snuff films. What did they name them, ‘Mikey Likes It When Mom Gets Dicked Down!’? Explains that stupid pose ya give on the high octane website. Only mother fucker who can’t manage ta look at the fuckin’ camera. 

So make yer jokes about ‘bout me, keep yer spirits up. Keep verbally jerkin’ yer own dick so ya get yerself ramped up fer this one. Get yerself pumped up more than a pornhub star before filmin’. Whatever it takes ta get ya off Mikey, whatever ya need ta really get yerself in the mood ta be saved by some borderline bullshit religious hoodoo. What’s next? Zombie Max Kael comes out of the fuckin’ grave and intervenes on yer behalf? Is that the next trick Lee Best uses ta keep his son propped up as the savior of High Octane Wrestling? I’m sure he pointed High Flyer in the direction of Conor Fuse last week, and abductin’ Dan Ryan’s family?

All hail our lord and savior Michael Fuckin’ Best. The Innovator of Daddy Save Me. Mike, accordin’ ta the Bible, when Jesus was on that cross he had ta command his father not ta come down there and save him. It was a sacrifice, the man was selfless. Our savior gets inta a bad situation and starts lookin’ at the press box sayin’ as many prayers as he can. 

Our omnipotent son of GOD doesn’t even have his redneck stereotypes down pat. What kind of fuckin’ hillbilly piece of shit would I be if I sat down and popped open a can of Skoal? Real redneck hillbilly garbage at least chews Copenhagen. That Skoal shit is fer city boys like yerself when ya had a few too many drinks and Country Boy Can Survive comes on in the bar. It’s there so ya can bum a dip off of some closet pretend hillbilly who thinks the chicks really dig the can outline in his back pocket and the giant F150 he spent every cent he had on. That same idiot also can’t fuckin’ read. Much like yerself, I guess that whole ‘no kid left behind,’ was a steaming pile of shit. Cause clearly Michael ya had ta go out there and bring up the big dumb Texan stereotype. Michael, I have a college degree in economics, I told Sektor I was literally givin’ an education because my athletic prowess. I could of been jerkin’ off ta GME gains last week, but instead I decided I was gonna prepare ta remove yer skull from yer neck like a French peasant durin’ the revolution. 

Fuck, I’m sorry, I forgot who I was speakin’ ta. Fifth grader and all. Hold on, lemme go real slow fer ya. 

IM GOING TO KILL YOU BY REMOVING YOUR BRAIN BOX FROM YOUR NECK BONE AND SHOW YOUR SKULL AROUND LIKE TOM BRADY WITH A LOMBARDI AT A SUPER BOWL PARADE.

Hopefully hooked on phonics lets ya sound that one out fuck face.