The HOTv logo gives way and we are once again live inside The Best Arena for another night of action as Refueled kicks off.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to another Saturday night of Refueled. We are kicking off the show tonight immediately in the ring as we are set for Eric Dane and Steve Harrison to kick off the in ring action tonight.
Benny Newell: Eric Dane seems more concerned with that fan in attendance over there.
Joe Hoffman: I know Benny.
Dane is getting so belligerent by a fan wearing a “Mike Bell is the GOAT” t-shirt that if this wasn’t on HOTv the things the Only Star was saying would surely kick us off of the air as “Take the Money and Run,” By The Steve Miller Man starts to play and the curtain flies open.
Benny Newell: HALLEJUAH! PRAISE BE THE MIRACLE MAN HAS COME TO SAVE US ALL!
Steve Harrison walks out with his arms in the air, a smirk across his face. He begins walking towards the rings and begins waving at that crowd who return his waves with boos and indifference.
Bryan McVay: And his opponent, weighing in at 245lbs, he hails from Fairfax, VA, He is “THE MIRACLE! “ STEVE! HAAAAAIRRRRRRIIIISSSSSSSSSSSONN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The smirk begins to fade after hearing the response so the Miracle Man begins jawing back at some of the audience and pointing to himself yelling over and over “ME, ME, ME!.”
Joe Hoffman: Steve Harrison has been slowly climbing up the HOW standings and earned himself a LSD title shot against Hughie Freeman.
Benny Newell: We are going to have a new LSD champion mark my words Hoffman. You can write that down as a guarantee.
Steve walks faster to the ring his smirk now a scowl, he enters the rings and leans against one of the turnbuckles and begins talking to himself, his face becoming red in anger. As the music fades Matt Boettcher rings the bell.
Joe Hoffman: And here we go.
Harrison comes out of his corner, but Dane doesn’t seem to notice that Harrison is in the ring, he is oblivious to the music that was played, and all he is focused on is the man in the stands.
Joe Hoffman: Dane is still shouting words at that fan.
Benny Newell: Well fuck that guy! He needs to be kicked out for disrupting the show!
Harrison runs full force and delivers a jumping knee to the back of Dane’s neck.
Joe Hoffman: KNEE TRIGGER!
Benny Newell: HOW ABOUT SOME ENLIGHTENMENT BITCH?!?!?!?!?
Dane stumbles back from the corner and Harrison hooks him.
Benny Newell: IT’S A HARRICLE! OH MY LEE! IT’S A HARRICLE!
Harrison drives Eric Dane into the mat with the chickenwing suplex and goes for the cover by placing a simple boot on The Only Star’s face.
Ding. Ding. Ding.
Bryan McVay: And your winner by pinfall…..He is “THE MIRACLE! “ STEVE! HAAAAAIRRRRRRIIIISSSSSSSSSSSONN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: Steve Harrison makes quick work of Eric Dane which is surprising. It’s like Dane’s focus was somewhere else. It’s like he didn’t know he had a match.
Benny Newell: Well maybe he should check his fucking messages instead of getting on the Magic School Bus or sampling the latest batch of peyote. When GOD calls you answer!
Harrison’s celebration is cut short when he hears the a familiar voice.
Benny Newell: What the fuck is he doing out here Hoffman?!?!?
Suddenly, ‘The Lonesome Boatman’ by Dropkick Murphys then jolts into HOV; crashing through its speakers. This unexpected turn doesn’t allow full digestion into the HOW faithful in attendance tonight, but emphatically they greet it with a rapturous roar of approval (also unexpected). Once The LSD Proud Fighting Champion makes his presence felt on the ramp way, an even bigger ovation is met.
Hughie Freeman looks in the best shape of his life and he’s all pumped up ready to fight. Albeit, his match with Conor Fuse immediately follows the first ad break. Regardless, you could say Hughie is slightly taken back by the ovation as he somewhat breaks character, momentarily. There’s a slight couple of seconds in his facial that remains authentic.
A cutaway shot to Harrison looking completely baffled in the ring as his celebration is cut short. However, once returning our attention back over to Hughie (with microphone in hand) his music then cuts.
Hughie Freeman: Bare with me, mate. This is the first time your man has ever gotten the green-light to come out here and speak my mind. All of this legal stuff in place for December 19th says that your man can simply not storm that ring and give you a good hiding. Your man’s fucking struggling..
A few breakaway chants of ‘Freeman’ gains traction in different sections of the Best Arena.
Hughie Freeman: Aye fella, you’ve done a sterling job once again. Hats off to you (tips his bowler hat). Steve Harrison keeps winning and some might say you’ve performed a miracle here tonight… but that’s not what I see. Naw, your man sees a fucking destroyer who is now 9-0 and doesn’t know how to lose.
Freeman begins to pace at the top of the ramp.
Hughie Freeman: Your man is not jealous of your fairytale here my friend. Naw, not in the slightest. Your man Hughie Freeman only gets excited. The more you win.. the more The LSD Proud Fighting Champion feels blessed to give you your shot at ICONIC. Now please, Steve, do the honourable thing.. bless me one big fat Christmas miracle on December 19th.
Freeman quits being jovial as his facial expressions show a man that is sternly focused.
Hughie Freeman: How can your man possibly call himself The LSD Proud Fighting Champion without beating The Miracle Man black and blue. Steve Harrison, Mr. Miracle Man.. I need to prove without a shadow of a doubt I’m the greatest fighting champion to ever grace this land. In order to prove that.. your man needs your flawless record.
The ‘Freeman’ chants start to merge as one and get louder.
Hughie Freeman: Now you name the stipulation cos in order to perform the greatest victory of the year then I want my miracle to be the greatest gift ever received when I retain my belt. Cos whether it be three stages of hell or in the back of a milk truck….. YOU. ARE. GETTING. IT.
Immediately, ‘The Lonesome Boatman’ kicks in and there’s a little stare-off between the pair. Hughie then powers back stage through the curtain, leaving a dismayed (also intrigued) looking Steve Harrison.
The action cuts backstage where Blaire Moise is with “The Vintage” Conor Fuse.
Blaire Moise: I’m here with Conor Fuse! Tonight, it’s you and Hughie Freeman-
Conor politely raises his hand to cut her off.
Conor Fuse: Blaire, you can save your voice if you’d like. I’ve been asking myself if I’m ready for this contest and I guess we will see. Did you know Hughie made fun of Ecco the Dolphin to me?
Moise shakes her head no. She doesn’t have a clue who that is.
Conor Fuse: A dolphin! A cute, friendly, adorable creature who did no harm whatsoever and only wanted to save his friends and make the ocean a better place.
Conor snaps into some kind of hysterical moodswing, perhaps insinuating he’s not all that right in the head at the moment.
Conor Fuse: And that’s all I want to do, Blaire! I want to make this ocean a better place! High Octane is so MEAN!! I want to have some fun! I want to bring my A Game, literally, but I want to do it in style. Hughie can play PAC-Man and get the high score… he can knock me into next week but I’m going to get into that ring momentarily and I’m going to give Hughie a fight he never saw coming. Ecco had NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS! He is an unnecessary spectator!!!
Fuse cracks his knuckles.
Conor Fuse: Hughie corrected me and said he was locked in confinement for more than two weeks. I was aware of this but I get my facts from the source. Joe Hoffman stated it was “two weeks” of confinement before the big LSD title match so maybe, just maybe, I thought they let Hughie out on good behavior in-between periods. [Sigh] I can see I was wrong. He’s a bad, bad man.
Fuse slowly comes out of this hysterical moodswing and back to reality.
Conor Fuse: I mean, I kinda respect the guy and all… but what am I getting myself into in this company?
Blaire Moise: Good luck, Conor.
Conor Fuse: Thank you, Blaire. I’mma support Ecco tonight and see what happens. Things are starting to get really intense here. Something’s not right. I can feel it…
As Conor walks off the camera pans away to find Scottywood once again lurking and watching The Vintage as we cut to our first commercial break.
Dan Ryan ©vs. Michael Lee Best©
LSD Championship Match
Steve Harrison vs. Hughie Freeman©
Lindsay Troy vs. Jatt Starr
High Flyer vs. John Sektor
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back everyone as we prepare for our second match of the night…
Benny Newell: A lame ass non title match.
Joe Hoffman: The newly freed LSD Champion Hughie Freeman will be facing Conor Fuse in a non-title match tonight.
Benny Newell: I want some blood tonight Joe!
Joe Hoffman: Well this will be a straight singles match Benny, where Conor Fuse will be looking to impress some people here against the man who defended his LSD Title against Scottywood at Rumble at the Rock.
The lights in the arena turn off before the big screen flickers on, like it has just been plugged in. There, a picture of Conor Fuse’s head is placed in the middle and numerous faces of various HOW talent are scattered around, resembling that of a Mega Man stage select screen. As the selection lands on the current match at hand, the lights come back on and a green strobe light shines in the center of the rampway. Emerging from the back is Conor Fuse, dressed in his lime green tights, green arm sleeves and green bandana. Conor takes a moment to pose with his left fist in the air.
Bryan McVay: The following non-title match is scheduled for one fall, first making his way to the ring from Toronto, Canada and weighing in at 210 pounds…. CONOR FUSE!!!!!
Then he marches his way down to the ring, sporting a smile and some confidence. He stops at the front of the ring, takes one leap onto the apron and then with ease, clears the ropes via another leap, somersaulting into the squared circle.
Joe Hoffman: Last time we saw Fuse in the ring he took Jatt Starr to the limit, tonight he’ll get his hands on the LSD champion.
Benny Newell: And he lost Joe… he’s a looooo-ssserrr.
Joe Hoffman: Ok Jim Carey.
The sound of eerie flutes playing and a small drum beat rumble the arena terraces. “The Lonesome Boatman” by Dropkick Murphys is the anthem playing at this time, with Hughie Freeman expected for his traditional walkout. The camera pans onto the curtain underneath High Octane Vision as Freeman soon storms through it. The Irish traveller does not showboat for the HOW audience in capacity here tonight, but is appreciative of the ovation.
Bryan McVay: And his opponent, from wherever he may roam, weighing in at 215 pounds…. He is the LSD Champion…. HUGHIE FREEMAN!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: Hell of a fight at Alcatraz saw Hughie retain his LSD Title. This man is on the best run of his career. It’ll be a tall challenge for Fuse here.
Benny Newell: Tall challenge for a soon to be looooooser.
Hughie Freeman slides into the ring from underneath the bottom rope and begins to shadow box. After a few punches, Hughie then stretches his back out on the top rope. Afterwards, it’s onto loosening up the rest of his joints ready to fight.
Hortega calls for the bell as there is no lock up instead just a fury of punches coming from both Fuse and Freeman as the two men have no intention to start wrestling as a brawl ensues. But it’s Freeman that gains the advantage as he knees Fuse in the gut and throws him into the corner. Freeman charges for a shoulder to the gut but Fuse leaps up over Freeman who strikes the ring post as Fuse lands on the top turnbuckle.
Benny Newell: Cheater! He used a cheat code!
Joe Hoffman: Since when do you care about cheating?
Fuse leaps off the top and drives two feet into the back of Freeman, dropping him to the ground. Freeman rolls away to try and create space, but Fuse springboard moonsaults out of the corner and connects on Freeman. Freeman tries to pull himself back up and catches a roundhouse kick that staggers the champ as Fuse goes for another spinning heel kick but Freeman lunges in and headbutts Fuse under the jaw, dropping him to the ground.
Joe Hoffman: I might have just heard Fuse’s jaw crack… cover by Freeman!
Fuse gets the shoulder up as he tries to shake off the blow, but Freeman unleashes a fury of punches as Fuse tries his best to get his hands up to block but a number connect before Fuse can throw Freeman off him. Staggering to the corner, Fuse pulls himself up as Freeman comes at him with a spinning backfist strike that hits it’s mark and drops Fuse to a knee….
Joe Hoffman: Liquorice Laces! Freeman just punted Fuse straight in the side of the head.
Benny Newell: Blood!!! Bust him open Freeman!
Freeman backs up and stalks Fuse as he slowly pulls himself back to his feet as Hughie crouches down low.
Joe Hoffman: Fatality Punch!
Freeman jumps up aiming for the jaw of Fuse who counters with a standing missile drop kick that nearly takes Freeman’s head off and kills the Fatality Punch. Freeman tries to get up before Fuse can attack, but before he can, Fuse nails a rolling thunder and a standing sky twister press before going for the cover.
Freeman throws the shoulder up as Fuse seems to wanna throw the non-existent controller in his hand. He grabs Freeman by the hair, pulling him up to his feet and goes for and hits a tilt a whirl DDT as the fans roar for Fuse as he starts to climb the turnbuckles.
Joe Hoffman: Fuse PWN’d Freeman and is now going for the Super Splash 450!
Benny Newell: Pawned? Stop pretending you’re cool Joe.
On the top rope we see Fuse size up Freeman as he launches off the top rope…
Joe Hoffman: And Fuse….
Benny Newell: Gets drilled with a Fatality Punch!
Freeman had popped up while Fuse was in mid air and cracks his finisher punch right on Fuses jaw. Fuse’s momentum causes him to roll towards the ring ropes and out of the ring.
Benny Newell: Freeman grabs Fuse and pulls him back in the ring!
Joe Hoffman: Cover by Freeman.
DING DING DING
Bryan McVay: The winner of this match…. The HOW LSD Champion…. HUGHIE FREEMAN!!!!!!
Hortega raises Freeman’s arm and hands him the LSD Title as the champion stands up and raises it above his head as…
OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH, BEG, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!
Seether blasts over the Best Arena speakers as we see Scottywood charging out from backstage and down the ramp with his barbed wire hockey stick in hand. Hughie quickly hits the decks and rolls out of the ring, making his way into the crowd.
Joe Hoffman: Freeman smartly making his exit as we all saw what Scottywood did with that hockey stick last week to… um…
Benny Newell: That fucking nobody Joe… it’s ok, just say it. But come on Freeman… I want blood!
Scotty slides into the ring as he stares out at Freeman and the LSD Title as Fuse starts to pick himself up off the mat.
Joe Hoffman: Scottywood doesn’t seem to be done with Hughie Freeman or the L…
Scotty spins around and drills Conor Fuse in the mid section, nearly doubling him over as Scotty goes for a second shot to the head. But Fuse throws his arms up and takes the shot off them as he fires back with a few body blows to Scottywood who counters back with the butt end of the hockey stick across the recently hit jaw of Fuse, sending hims tumbling back.
Joe Hoffman: We’ve seen these two strangely interacting over the past couple weeks… and now Scottywood is tearing apart Fuse with that hockey stick!
Benny Newell: Blood Joe! BLOOOOOOD!!!!!
Another shot to the head of Fuse connects as he falls to the mat. Scotty kneels down and drives the stick into the throat of Fuse, the barbed wire piercing the skin as Scotty wipes the blood away from Fuse’s face and across the anarchy symbol on his chest. Standing back up, Scotty goes to exit the ring as Fuse rolls over, holding onto this throat as he tries to catch his breath. But Scottyd doesn’t exit the ring…
Joe Hoffman: Come on Scotty! Enough! You’ve made your point again!
Taking the hockey stick, Scotty starts drilling Fuse across the back, over and over and over, five shots in total before the stick breaks again and Scotty tosses it to the side. He stares down at the bloody mess that is Fuse’s back before the COO rolls out of the ring and makes his way up the ramp, not even looking back at Fuse as HOW medics quickly attend to him.
Joe Hoffman: Two weeks in a row Scottywood has snapped… this week Conor Fuse is his victim.
Benny Newell: Game over for Fuse?
Joe Hoffman: I highly doubt that Benny.
The action cuts backstage as the medical staff rush down to check on Conor.
Cut elsewhere where only Steve Harrison’s voice is heard right away.
Steve Harrison: They say to understand a person you should walk a mile in their shoes. Jack hit the camera light.
Suddenly a small light comes on to show Steve Harrison sitting with a towel around his neck soaking in his sweat for his match earlier. He has not had time to take a shower yet. Again, Jack Marley oversees the camera and we are barely able to see Steve even with the new light from the camera on.
Steve Harrison: I took it upon myself to try…to REALLY try to understand the man that is Hughie Freeman. Earlier this evening after my match he decided to make his eerie presence felt. I was greatly moved by him congratulating me on my hard-fought victory and giving me the chance to pick a stipulation for our LSD title match at ICONIC.
Harrison stretches his arms to the sky and then moves his head a few times trying to crack his neck.
Steve Harrison: But enough about the future. I am sitting here in the dark all alone in the boiler room of The Best Arena. I am sure many peoples remains have been tossed in the boiler, never to be seen again. I am starting to understand how Hughie must have felt being locked up for however many days…
Jack Marley: One hundred and thirty-three days.
Steve pauses a small frown coming to his face at Jacks interruption.
Steve Harrison: Uh huh, sure, well WHATEVER it was… (makes sure Jack doesn’t say anything) …Ok good. As I was saying, being down hear and not seeing or hearing anything can be unsettling. I swear I have seen a cockroach have sex with Rat, I cannot even imagine what type of child that would create, but it still wouldn’t look worse than that hat Hughie wears. Ahhh.
Jack Marley: You ok?
Steve Harrison: Nothing, just scared of all the darkness. I apologize, I should not take shots at my buddy Hughie’s hat. You see Hughie, as undefeated tag partners I expected us to have a friendly handshake and to you know…hand me the LSD title. I know you are a fighter but as you have stated I am the undefeated Miracle Man and in the back of your mind you remember being taken apart by me in our only one on one match. Ahhh.
Steve’s face contorts and he shakes his head.
Steve Harrison: Uh…could have sworn I saw a ghost. I do not wish to hurt you again, Hughie. I think we could have a peaceful transfer of the title to me and then hey…you and I can go after those tag titles. As I sit here though in this dark, dank room I can start to understand your need to be someone important. You wish me to hold this amazing record until we face each other in a match where it could be last man standing, it could be a no ropes brawl, and it could be a weapons match. Anything can happen when you offer me a shot at picking our match. Whichever I pick though, I am sure some of my greatness will rub off on you.
Steve jumps surprised at the sound. The camera wavers a bit as Jack was also frighten by the knocking.
Voice: Hey…get out of there!
Nobody says anything.
Voice: This bathroom is for the handicapped only!
Steve stands up and turns his back. Suddenly a flushing noise is heard.
Jack Marley: Were you taking a shit that whole time?
Steve Harrison: It is called an Eric Dane and yes…yes, I was.
So, after all that bullshit, Steve wasn’t even in the boiler room but in a handicapped toilet taking a shit, again insulting everyone.
Steve Harrison: I think I am good now. Freeman…Miracles only come to those deserving of them. Remember that.
We’re back from commercial and we immediately see HOW Tag Team Champions, The Hollywood Boyz, come into frame. They mean business tonight as they each have their championships draped over their shoulders. Just as their walking, with a sense of urgency and business, Blaire Moise comes steps right in front of them. Whether this was an accident or intentional, Blaire makes the most of the situation, but The Hollywood Boyz don’t appear to be happy.
Blaire Moise: Excuse me boys, care for a quick chat?
Blaire is smart in this situation because she doesn’t really give the HOW Tag Team Champions a chance to really react with an answer as Hollywood was almost quick to shut her down. He is promptly cut off. Rare occurrence when it comes to Hollywood.
Blaire Moise: I know you guys are all about taking things to the Best Alliance tonight as you are set to defend those Tag Team Championships. I was just curious to get your thoughts before the main event tonight? How are you feeling going into this match?
And there was the question Hollywood knew was coming. It disgusted him. Angered him. Frustrated him. Matthews is merely standing still, not saying a word as he remains laser focused on the task at hand. However, this wasn’t the case for Hollywood and he let that fact a public one.
Brian Hollywood: Blaire…I like you…I really do…but tonight is not the night to pick this particular chat with us. Let me tell you something about The Best Alliance. The Alliance is all about the old days. It’s something about those days that gives Lee Best a fucking hard on. He wants to live in those supposed glory days. But here’s the fucking problem with that. IT’S IN THE FUCKING PAST!!! In fact, there’s several things wrong with this picture today in HOW. Lee is literally sending in his dogs against not only a FORMER Best Alliance member, but against a man who used to LEAD his Best Alliance! Oh, and I led it ALONE! I eventually became a ONE man wrecking crew for Lee. He didn’t need anyone else to do it and neither did I! I worked with some other members of the Alliance, but as it turns out, they couldn’t be relied upon…so they were discarded and taken out and I swear to fucking god if this gets fact checked I’m going to lose my fucking shit!
Matthews just stands there, breathing, not saying a word. He still remains laser focused, not particularly caring to say a word. It wasn’t on his mind to do so. There was only one thing he wanted to do. Destroy. He wanted clarity and that clarity comes with gaining a win against the Best Alliance. Hollywood doesn’t mind this as he’s got things covered as he continues.
Brian Hollywood: Don’t mind my best friend. I’ve just got him primed and ready for a WAR here tonight! Anyways, Lee is hoping that the odds improve for him by bringing tag team gold back to the Alliance with two members. Jatt Starr and John Sektor are his two old boys he hopes gets the job done. The only problem with that is that I have two wins against both of them. Quite recently, too. Perhaps it’s been over a year since I stepped into the ring with Sektor, but the point is I’ve beaten him. He’s good..but the two recognize that they need to work together to take me out. To take US out! We’ve brought more relevance back to these tag team titles recently than any other team…certainly more than that knock off of the Hollywood Bruvs. Whatever. Hollywood Boyz have been around for DECADES and we’re going to prove here tonight that you can’t fuck with tradition…because FUCK THAT SHIT! You can’t fuck with skill and you can’t fuck with a bond. What do Starr and Sektor have? I’ll tell you what they have, Blaire. They have an imminent date with a bad PR situation. A situation that is going to go very bad for them very soon. I see the writing on the wall with them. I mean, for fuck sakes Blaire, Sektor doesn’t even TRUST Starr! He saw what I did to him last week when I beat him! He doesn’t think he has it anymore! Take Matthews for example…the man has been beaten by the Alliance more times than I can count and here I stand with FULL TRUST in him! I know that I can rely on him and I trust in his ability to carry himself in this match. Sektor and Starr can’t even say the same!
It was this part that normally what Hollywood has said would bother Matthews, but it doesn’t. Again, he just remains locked in a blood induced trans and he doesn’t say a word. Hollywood looks at him briefly, and nods his head with affirmation.
Brian Hollywood: You see, Blaire, Darin is ready and so am I. I’ve gone to war with the Alliance several times in the long enriched history of HOW. This is nothing new for me. I’ve already beaten Solex and Starr. That’s why I also am aware that Sektor will stop at nothing to get a DESPERATE win here tonight. He knows they need a win. The Alliance knows they need a win. What happens if that doesn’t happen?
Blaire Moise: Well it’s what you just said that I want to ask one final question. You mentioned that you are aware they are desperate for a win here tonight. What happens if Doozer or Solex come down to the ring and get themselves involved in the match tonight?
Hollywood shakes his head at the question. The frustration of what Hollywood was feeling was clearly defined in Blaire’s question. Hollywood waves his finger in the air from side to side as Hollywood remains poised in his plan.
Brian Hollywood: Then we’re going to have a real fucking problem, aren’t we, Blaire? I’m aware that the Alliance doesn’t care what they have to do. I mean, their mantra by getting the job done is whatever it takes, right? Well how would that look for the Alliance if they have to enlist extra HELP to get that job done? It actually DECREASES their value and it demoralizes the legit unstoppable reputation of the Best Alliance. It simply won’t work this time and I’ll tell you why it won’t. Again, I know the Alliance better than ANYONE here in HOW today. I KNOW how they think and I know how they operate. I’ll be fucking damned if it ends the way they want it to tonight! Because if by some fucking miracle act of fucking GOD…and I don’t mean the “how gods,” that they SOMEHOW take these titles off Matthews and I tonight, you can BET that Matthews and I won’t stop with a loss. We’ll take this to the fucking HOW grave if we have to…but more importantly, we’ll take this to ICONIC if we have to. The be all and end all of all HOW shows to get these titles back because that’s how much these championships means to us. We represent this division and we do it with HONOR and INTEGRITY! We don’t need help to do it, either. All we need is each other and that’s how it always was and how it always will be. This war will escalate to a place the Alliance doesn’t want it to go and you know me….I have no problem taking things to the next level when it comes to war. But that’s not what’s going to happen tonight, Blaire…because I honestly believe Jatt and Sektor will implode tonight and it will be the final nail in the coffin of Lee’s precious Best Alliance as he sees it. It will be another failed relaunch of his prestigious Alliance and it will leave Lee with nowhere left to turn. These titles will be redefined through Matthews and myself and we will DEFEND these belts with our dying breaths. You can bet that as an Executive Promise! Now if you’ll excuse us, Blaire, we’re going to go out there and end this before it goes any further!
Hollywood could have said more…but he already has. The Alliance was something he knew more than anything else and the time for talking was clearly over. Hollywood pats Matthews on the shoulder before they both hold out the HOW Tag Team Championships in front of them and then high into the air in front of Blaire. Both men look at their respective championships before pounding their hearts and throwing the titles back over their shoulders as they walk off down the hallway ready for a war tonight as Refueled cuts back to ringside for the next match.
As we come back from the backstage area, the Hall of Fame duo is ready for the next match.
Joe Hoffman: Up next ladies and gentlemen is the battle over Texas superiority as Scott Stevens and Dan Ryan collide.
Benny Newell: Superiority? Dan Ryan is virtually superior to Stevens in every way possible.
The Best Arena darkens and the sound of a begins to chime as the HOV lights up and flashes across the screen a Texas flag with the words “Texas Born. Texas Bred.” “Texas Forever.“ branded into the flag. The jeers that had once filled the arena quickly turn into cheers. The Faithful know who is about to walk out and they are letting him know it by chanting his favorite chant as the final image that is displayed across the screen and that message reads in bold, capitalized letters… SCOTT STEVENS as
♫ “Dead Man Walking” by Crucifix ft. The Lacs ♫
Plays throughout the arena.
Joe Hoffman: The title for Stevens’ entrance music may be ironic for who he is about to face.
Benny Newell: Ironic? It’s a fucking prophecy Hoffman because Dan Ryan is going to murder Stevens!
The wait is finally over as a spotlight shines towards the top of the entrance ramp and Scott Stevens appears from behind the curtain, and as soon as he makes his way to the edge of the stage golden pyro begins to rain down behind him as he raises his right fist high into the air.
Bryan McVay: Introducing first, representing the Great State of Texas, from Houston, Texas and weighing in at 256lbs, he is…. SCOTTTTTTTTTTTTT! STEEEEEEEEEEEVENSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
As Stevens makes his way down the ramp he just smirks and shakes his head at the vocal bashers and fist bumps his supporters.
Joe Hoffman: The last time Stevens was in the ring it took the official to stop the match because Stevens wouldn’t give up.
Benny Newell: No one ever said Stevens was the smartest.
Stevens slowly makes his way around the ring completely focused on the task at hand until he reaches the nearest set of ring steps and proceeds to enter the ring. Once inside, Stevens goes to the nearest corner and ascends the ropes; looking out amongst the crowd before raising his fist into the air once more before dropping to the canvas as the former FIST shows no emotion as he stretches out on the ropes waiting for his opponent.
Joe Hoffman: Stevens looks focus here tonight because he knows a win over Dan Ryan can put him one step closer to another match with Mike Best.
Benny Newell: Stevens isn’t going to make it out of the ring in one piece Hoffman.
The lights go out and a dual-spotlight makes an encircling pattern on the entrance area as the opening riff of the song plays.
♫ “Daddy’s Home” by JT Music ♫
When the riff audio kicks it up a notch, Dan Ryan steps out and pauses, looking into the audience before heading down the aisle as pyro blasts behind him.
Bryan McVay: And his opponent, representing the Group of Death, from Houston, Texas and weighing in at 305lbs, he is…. THE HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING ICON CHAMPION! DAN! RYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!
The video shows clips from his career: power bombing Bobby Dean, super kicking Andy Murray, taking MJ Flair’s head off with a clothesline, hitting Perfection with the Headliner, countering a Jack Harmen dive into a vicious power slam, smirking as he pins Doozer, standing on a balcony looking down at Andy Murray with a sinister grin on his face.
Joe Hoffman: Since regaining the ICON championship, Dan Ryan has shown a more aggressive and sadistic side than normal.
Benny Newell: Hoffman, he’s just not giving a fuck anymore and hurting people brings him joy so why should he apologize for that.
Ryan walks directly to the ring, rolls in under the bottom rope, and climbs the nearest turnbuckle, keeping his arms down and smirking into the crowd as the music plays.
Boettcher signals for the bell.
Joe Hoffman: And here we go…..
The two Texas sized behemoths come out of the corners and go to lock up, but Stevens counters the attempt and when Dan turns around the waiting challenger rocks the ICON champion with a thunderous European uppercut.
Joe Hoffman: The champion is staggered!
Benny Newell: Lucky fucking hit Hoffhole!
Joe Hoffman: Not many people can match strength with Dan Ryan Benny.
Benny Newell: Yeah well, not many people fuck as many sheeps as Stevens does, but we don’t say nothing about that now do we?
Stevens sees and opening and goes on the attack, but it doesn’t even see the light of day as a spinning elbow collides into the Texan’s face sending the former champion to the mat.
Joe Hoffman: HAMMER OF GOD! OUT OF NOWHERE!
Benny Newell: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!? I HAVEN’T EVEN HAD TIME TO LINE UP MY COKE LINES YET!
Dan rolls Stevens over onto his back and goes for a pin.
Dan Ryan picks up Stevens.
Joe Hoffman: What the…..he picked Stevens up?!?!?!?
Benny Newell: Oh good, he must’ve heard me….(SNIFF!)
Boettcher asks Dan Ryan and the champion responds he got his shoulder up. Dan picks Stevens up and makes sure he is standing up before he hits another rolling elbow.
Joe Hoffman: Hammer of GOD once again onto Stevens.
Benny Newell: Good thing it’s just his elbow Hoffman, if it was his dick Stevens would be dead.
Ryan goes for the cover.
Dan Ryan pushes himself off of Stevens and Boettcher yells what are you doing?
Dan Ryan: He kicked out! Shut the fuck up and do your job!
Benny Newell: Yeah he kicked out Bitcher! Do your fucking job next time!
Dan Ryan hits the mat in frustration that he hasn’t put away Stevens yanks his fellow Texan up and slings him into the corner and sits him on the top turnbuckle.
Joe Hoffman: Oh god…..this isn’t necessary!
Benny Newell: Yes it is!
Dan Ryan puts the unconscious Scott Stevens across his shoulders and goes to the middle rope before delivering a ring shaking Burning Hammer.
Joe Hoffman: Dan Ryan just delivered the Headliner to Stevens.
Benny Newell: He will be headlining at the ER tonight! DRINK!
Dan Ryan goes for a cover.
Dan Ryan tosses Stevens’ leg onto the bottom rope to break the count and Boettcher is going ballistic.
Dan Ryan: You can’t see his foot on the bottom rope? You suck!
Benny Newell: Damn right he fucking sucks!
Dan Ryan pulls the lifeless Stevens to the center of the ring and the ICON champion mounts Stevens and begins to rain down elbows and each blow is more sickening than the last as blood begins to fly out of the nose and mouth of the former world champion causing Boettcher to call for the bell.
Ding. Ding. Ding.
Bryan McVay: And your winner by Referee Stoppage, he is…. THE HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING ICON CHAMPION! DAN! RYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!
A sadistic smile forms over the ICON champion’s face as he pulls his arm away from Matt Boettcher and snatches his title away as well before placing a boot on Stevens’ chest and raising the title high into the air.
Joe Hoffman: Dan Ryan just made a statement here tonight as he…….
Hoffman is cut off mid-sentence as Dan Ryan suddenly drops his championship and yanks Stevens up and high into the air before running towards the edge and tossing Stevens over the ring with a running Humility Bomb. The audience members try to get out of the way as Scott Stevens comes flying forward, and lucky for them Stevens doesn’t make it that far…..bad news is Stevens’ lower back collides with the top of the security barricade.
Joe Hoffman: Oh…..my…….God.
Benny Newell: I think he just made a statement now Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: CAN WE GET SOME DOCTORS AND EMTS OUT HERE?!?!?!?
The crowd is in a state of shock as Stevens falls to the ground and medical officials coming running down to ringside as Dan Ryan heads up the stage.
Joe Hoffman: This could be serious Benny. Stevens may be paralyzed from the way his back hit the barricade.
Benny Newell: I’m sure Lee will pimp him out a nice wheelchair if he is.
The medical team wave towards the stage and a gurney team start coming down the ramp and they start to place him on it. Once on the gurney, the medical team start to wheel him up the ramp when the suddenly music hits the PA system
Benny Newell: Oh shit……LETS FUCKING GO!!!!!
Undead hits the PA system and the theme song of the GOD of HOW causes everyone to turn their attention to the top of the stage.
The crowd erupts as we see Lee make his way out from the back….and he obviously has help……….but once people see the help Lee has……they immediately turn on the Chicago native.
Benny Newell: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS FUCKING GREAT!
Joe Hoffman: We all knew since his injuries at War Games that Lee would need some sort of help navigating and walking around…….but for him to use THIS as a means??
The camera pans back and the viewers on HOTv finally see a full shot of what everyone is reacting to.
The GOD of HOW has a seeing eye dog with a properly colored 97red tag with him.
But its not really a dog.
Instead its a woman…..a woman that somewhat looks familiar but with her on all fours her hair is covering most of her face.
Lee Best: Sit!!!
Lee’s seeing eye “dogs” stops where she is at.
Lee puts his hand up and points down to where he thinks the medical team is at and motions for them to continue towards him.
The GOD of HOW then motions behind him and suddenly his very large bodyguard makes his way out as well from the back. He takes his customary place next to Lee.
Lee motions for the man to bend down and Lee whispers some instructions in his hear.
The bodyguard then jumps into action and walks down and meets the medical staff on the ramp. He pushes them out of the way and begins pushing the stretcher up the ramp and stops it next to Lee.
Lee Best: Stevens, can you hear me? Are you ok?
GOD asks and the Texan slowly raises his arm and gives the thumbs up bringing a joyous ruckus throughout the Best Arena.
Joe Hoffman: Lee Best showing compassion which is a rarity, but nice thing to see.
Lee pats the shoulder of Stevens again as he hears the crowd cheering.
Lee Best: Your silence tells me that you aren’t and that is why I must help you help yourself…..Scott Stevens…..YOU ARE FUCKING FIRED!!!!!
Stevens’ arm collapses onto his chest as a thunderous round of boos hit the arena.
Joe Hoffman: WHAT THE HECK!?!?!? REALLY?!?!?!
Benny Newell: I THINK I JUST NUT MYSELF HOFFMAN! CHRISTMAS REALLY CAME EARLY THIS YEAR! STEVENS IS SERIOUSLY HURT AND HE GOT FIRED! JOY TO THE FUCKING WORLD!
Lee Best: Get this Fisher Price piece of shit out of my arena!
Lee pulls on his leash and the seeing eye “dog” turns and leads Lee away.
As Lee disappears behind the curtain, the camera turns back towards the stretcher, and we see Lee’s bodyguard smiling down at the newly unemployed Scott Stevens.
Terror comes over the face of Stevens as we see the bodyguard bend down and with one quick and swift motion, he tips the stretcher over, and Stevens falls face first on the steel.
The crowd is in shock as the bodyguard slowly makes his way back to the back as the medical team struggles to flip the stretch over and care for Stevens.
Joe Hoffman: I cannot believe what we have just witnessed……commercial……take us to a damn commercial break already.
The production team does just that as we see a final image of a bloody and broken Scott Stevens lying prone on the entrance ramp as the medical team had to cut him loose from the stretcher after being unable to flip it back over.
Back live and the scene cuts backstage to the StarrSek Industries Epicenter where we see that the Ruler of Jattlantis has placed Mister Whacky on the conference table surrounded by scented candles. And no, they aren’t all the same scent. There’s Pine, Peppermint, Pumpkin Spice, Clementine, Citrus Sage, Pine Sweat (from the Le Croix Wrestling and Boxing and Candlemaking Shoppe, the scent of this candle is the toxic combination of an Evergreen and Man Sweat), Cotton Candy, and Lavender.
Jatt Starr mumbles to himself as he lights the final candle. Hugo Scorpio enters the frame as the Jattlantic City Idol places the lighter on the table and picks up a bottle.
HUGO: Sektor will be here shortly. What is all this?
JATT STARR: Ah, Hugo! Max, the Messenger of the HOW gods, honored me with another message in my dreams last night. Or should I say, I was granted another “vision”?
HUGO: Did he sound like Rod Roddy again?
JATT STARR: No, of course not. This time it was Chuck Woolery. He spoke unto me citing that whilst the HOW gods, in all their glory, are pleased to call me their Emissary here in the corporal plane—
HUGO: I think you mean “corporeal”.
JATT STARR: Don’t interrupt the preachings of the HOW gods!
JATT STARR: Max said that in order for me to become their “champion”, I must undergo a series of trials. I explained to him that whilst I have not gone to law school, I shall do my best to pass the BAR with their blessing. Max proceeded to insult and berate me for my misunderstanding. These are tests, if you will. The first test is to produce a boon, an artifact blessed by the HOW gods. Tonight, I offer up Mister Whacky and with the help of this…
The Starrcelona Icon hands Hugo the bottle.
JATT STARR: …”Miracle Enterprises Anointment Ointment”
Hugo Scorpio begins reading the label.
HUGO: This says “Aquafina”.
JATT STARR: Steve Harrison said they’ve just started production on it and they haven’t created a label for it yet. This is only one of three bottles of the stuff. Geez, you think he’d charge me sixty bucks if he just gonna give me a plain old bottle of water?! Man, you’re stupid sometimes.
HUGO: You’re the boss.
Hugo rolls his eyes as he hands Jatt Starr the bottle.
JATT STARR: Now, once the ritual begins I must anoint the boon in doses of “two and two” whilst chanting “Klaatu! Barada! Nikto!”
HUGO: Shouldn’t you be, like, worried about Lindsay Troy?
JATT STARR: Heck no. I give her some friendly advice because I respect her and she insults me? She calls me a misogynist?! She’s the misogynist! I warned her, I did my part. If she wants to make it personal, that’s on her.
HUGO: Isn’t your tag team title match coming—-
JATT STARR: Silence! I need to concentrate.
The Thane of Starrkarth unscrews the top of the bottle, breaking the seal. Before Jatt has time to do anything else his concentration is broken by the sound of the epicentre door crashing open. In marches the Gold Standard, John Sektor, looking a little more trim and toned than the last time we saw him in wrestling attire. He spots the bottle in Jatts hand.
SEKTOR: Ahh perfect..
He snatches the bottle and tips it towards his mouth.
JATT STARR: Wai..
Too late. The so called sacred water is half way down Sektors throat as he guzzles it down in a few swallows and wipes the residual off his moustache. As he lets out a satisfying sigh he raises an eyebrow at his stunned partner. Sektor nonchalantly tosses the bottle onto the ground.
SEKTOR: We done fucking around?
Jatt looks both hurt and confused as Sektor grills him with his dark, Cuban eyes.
SEKTOR: Because our title match is next? And brother, I love you, but I’m not playing fucking games tonight. So knock off the fucking bullshit and focus! You want this or not?
JATT STARR: Of course I do. What the heck are you trying to suggest?
SEKTOR: Nothing Jatt. I just need to make sure I’ve got the right Jatt Starr out there with me tonight. Not the goof ball. The fucking KILLER!
JATT STARR: What? You think I am going to let that walking hemorrhoid get away with beating me last week?! No way! I am prepared, I have done almost everything the HOW gods have asked of me thus far. Tonight, we defeat those two cumberworlds and become the next and LAST HOW Tag Team champions….PRAISE BE TO THE HOW GODS!!!
Sektor raises his hand and then clenches a fist as he seems to stop himself from saying what he was about to say. Instead, he softens his stance a little and rests a reassuring hand on his partners shoulder.
SEKTOR: Ok, good. Because we earned this. Dealing with Kostoff, Dane and those two fuck-wits whos names I dont even remember. I don’t want to waste this chance. We go for the jugular tonight. Whatever it takes!
JATT STARR: Which of them juggles? Is it Hollywood or that other guy that follows him like a lost puppy?
Sektor pauses, showing symptoms of a migraine as he squints his eyes and pinches his temples with his fingers. He begins his next sentence more softly spoken.
SEKTOR: Jatt, you and I are back where we belong. In the main event and in a title match. Let’s leave it all in the ring. And then? We finish off the dregs of the old best Alliance as you destroy Mikes sloppy seconds and I put that fucking has-been gimmick, Jack Harman, out of his fucking misery. Then its mission complete, amigo and we go to the fucking moon and rule this company side by side. Can I get a fucking AMEN?
JATT STARR: Actually, according to Max, the HOW gods don’t like the term “Amen”. They prefer “Chumbawamba”. But yes, The Gold Standard and The Jattinum Standard will rule this company in the name of the gods!!! CHUMBAWAMBA!
Sektor ruggedly grabs Jatt by either side of his head and applies some pressure which causes Jatt to grimace. He then brings his face so close that Jatt can smell his breath.
SEKTOR: Then let’s go take what’s ours!
Sektor releases the Sovereign of Starrgentina, intense and pumped up ready to eviscerate the tag team champions.
JATT STARR: Hugo! The Boon Ceremony will have to wait. Blow out these candles, grab Mister Whcky, and find Steve Harrison and get me another bottle of that Anointment Ointment. Then come find us. StarrSek Industries has a championship to win!
Hugo provides a small, subservient nod as Jatt Starr follows Sektor out the door as we cut elsewhere.
The HOTv camera turn to Section 214- or as rechristened by Steve Solex…Section DD214.
The camera pans up to the very top of the section and then zeros in on one particular person in the very last row. The shot is also playing on the High Octane Vision for everyone to see inside the Best Arena.
The person in question is wearing a gray hoodie, a pair of sunglasses, and has a full beard.
There’s a few murmurs from the HOW faithful when they see him on the HOV.
Finally, the guy in the hoodie notices a camera’s pointed at him. He reaches into a pocket and pulls out a picture. The man gestures for the camera to zoom in closer and holds up the photo.
Who is the picture of? Steve Solex in his World’s #1 Dad gimmick.
What does the guy do next? He slowly tears the picture of Solex in half and casually drops the pieces on the ground.
He leans forward towards the camera and mouths one word.
We cut to a final commercial break as the crowd is buzzing with what they just saw…
Back live and the lights go dim and the HOV comes to life and the speakers in the arena blare out with…
“HEEEEEERE WE ARE…BORN TO BE KINGS…WERE THE PRINCES OF THE UNNNNNIVERRRRSE!”
As “Princes of the Universe” by Queen begins to play throughout the arena. John Sektor and Jatt Starr make their way out from behind the curtain and onto the entrance ramp. The crowd erupts in boos as the two HOW Hall of Famers make their way down the ramp.
Brian McVay: Introducing first! The challengers. Representing the Best Alliance. JAAAAATTTTTT STAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR and JOHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN SEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKTTOOOORRRRRRRRRR! They are STARRRRRRRSEKKKKKK IIIIIINNNNNNDUUUUUSSSSTTRRRIIIIEEEEEEES!
Sektor and Starr both slide under the bottom rope and into the ring. Sektor mouths some words toward Brian McVay as he gets right into the ring announcer’s face. Sektor shouts something, but the audio isn’t picked up. McVay backs up a bit, and the music is cut. The timekeeper calls Briany McVay over and whispers something into the ring announcer’s ear. McVay seems a bit confused, but finds his place back in the center of the ring.
Brian McVay: And now…
McVay pulls the mic away and checks with the timekeeper one last time. The timekeeper gives McVay the thumbs up, and McVay shrugs.
Brian McVay: And now, allow me to introduce…the Special Guest Referee!
“This Means War” by Avenged Sevenfold begins to play in the arena. The crowd immediately explodes with boos and raucous behavior as Steve Solex makes his way out from behind the curtain. Solex mocks the crowd by showing off the striped referee shirt he’s donned.
Brian McVay: Representing the Best Alliance! STEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVEE SOOOOOOOOLLLLLLEXXXXXXXX!
The crowd boos wildly as Solex makes his way down to the ring. Solex rolls into the ring under the bottom rope and holds two fists high in the air. Solex walks over to John Sektor, who is grinning from ear to ear. Solex gives him a mild pat down like an old school referee, before the two men shake hands. The music continues to play as Solex walks over to Jatt Starr, and the two exchange a few friendly words as Solex gives Starr the pat down treatment as well.
Benny Newell: This is amazing, Hofftits! I had all of the faith in the world in John Sektor and Jatt Starr, but now we have an impartial and highly regarded referee in Steve Solex joining in on the fun! Nothing can go wrong now!
Joe Hoffman: We’ll see, Benny! Looks like the boss card has been pulled.
Benny Newell: Can it Hoffnuts, Solex will call this one right down the middle! He’s the #1 Dad, an Army Veteran and war hero, and now he’s the best referee in the world! His integrity is beyond reproach!
Joe Hoffman: (scoffs) Whatever you say, Benny.
Just then the music cuts and Thin Lizzy’s “The Boys are Back in Town” begins to play from the sound system as the crowd jumps to their feet as the theme of the Tag Team Champions plays.
Brian McVay: And there opponents! They are the TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD! DAAAARRIIIINNNNNNNN ZZZZZZZZZIIOOOOONNNNN AND BRI….
Joe Hoffman: Lookout!
Before Brian McVay can finish the introduction both Brian Hollywood and Darin Matthews slide into the ring from either side and attack Jatt Starr and John Sektor. Solex backs away and calls for the bell as the four men begin trading dirty boxing right hands.
DING! DING! DING!
Brian McVay hops out of the way, narrowly avoiding becoming a part of the brawl himself. Solex hops around the ring like a fool as Starr and Matthews trade right hands, before eventually spilling out of the ring, leaving Hollywood and Sektor to brawl it out in the middle of the ring.
Benny Newell: I expect no less from these two asshats! Darin Matthews and Brian Hollywood are cheap shot artists!
Joe Hoffman: You may be right in this instance, but the odds are definitely stacked against them as Steve Solex is in charge here!
Brian Hollywood eventually gets the better of the dirty boxing and backs John Sektor into a corner before landing a series of right hands to the head. Hollywood then whips Sektor across the ring and into the turnbuckle.
Joe Hoffman: Matthews and Starr are still going at it on the outside! Solex needs to take charge here and get some order!
Benny Newell: Shut it, Hoffnips. Solex is the best referee I’ve ever seen!
Joe Hoffman: We’re ten seconds into his first stint as a referee, Benny.
Benny Newell: The best!
Hollywood charges in at Sektor and flattens the Hall of Famer into the corner with a clothesline. Sektor falls down to his backside and Hollywood lands a number of boots to the neck and chest area of Sektor, driving the challenger flat down on his back.
Joe Hoffman: Some good early offense here from the tag team champ, Brian Hollywood as both Jatt Starr and Darin Matthews finally take their places in their respective corners.
Benny Newell: Solex is taking charge, Hofftwat! Pay attention.
Hollywood pulls Sektor to his feet, and levels him back down with a hard right hand. Sektor, however, pops right back up to his feet and stumbles backward into the corner. Hollywood follows up with a kick to the stomach, and using the ropes as a springboard drives Sektor into the mat with a tornado DDT.
Joe Hoffman: What a move! Hollywood in total control early on.
Hollywood foregoes the cover, and instead heads toward Matthews and makes the tag. Hollywood doesn’t exit the ring however, and yanks Sektor back to his feet. Hollywood locks Sektor up with a twisting arm lock and holds him in place as Matthews drives an elbow into the twisted arm. Sektor collapses to a knee, as Matthews seemingly mocks him with a few choice words before landing a stiff right hand to the side of Sektors face. Sektor stays on a knee and grimaces from the punch, but immediately stares back and locks eyes with Matthews. Matthews is unfazed by the glare, however, and lands another punch. Sektor is slightly wobbled, and nearly crumbles down to the mat, but is able to regain his composure, and once again locks eyes with the tag team champion.
Benny Newell: John Sektor can’t be hurt!
Matthews, undeterred and unfair, throws another punch, but this one is blocked by Sektor. Matthews throws another punch and is again denied. Matthews frustratingly throws one more punch, but this time Sektor ducks under, springs to his feet and hits the ropes.
Joe Hoffman: What a clothesline from Darin Matthews!
Matthews was able to telegraph Sektor’s next move, and laid him flat on the canvas with a brutal clothesline. Matthews quickly locks Sektor into a front face lock and drags him to his feet. He then drags Sektor to his corner and gets a tag from Brian Hollywood. Solex mockingly claps his hands together as Hollywood climbs to the top rope. Matthews holds Sektor perfectly still as Hollywood lands a rib breaking double axe handle into Sektors side.
Benny Newell: C’mon Solex! That’s a DQ!
Joe Hoffman: Losing your faith in Solex, I see?
Benny Newell: Can it, Hoffhole. Solex is training on the job, he’ll come around!
Sektor falls to his back as Matthews releases the front face lock and exits the ring. Hollywood stays on the offensive and plants a boot into Sektor’s chest. Quickly, Hollywood makes the cover. Solex clumsily falls into position and makes the count.
Benny Newell: What the fuck!?!
There is dead air, and no bell has been rung.
Matthews springs up holding a first in the air, but Hollywood doesn’t move. He knows something is up.
Steve Solex: (pointing) His foot is on the bottom rope! On the bottom open!
Hollywood’s face illustrates his disbelief as he looks over and sees John Sektor’s foot on the bottom rope. Reluctantly, Hollywood gets to his feet and pulls Sektor up with him. Jatt Starr is clearly anxious for a tag as he reaches out as far as he can with an open palm and shouting for his tag team partner.
Joe Hoffman: Close call for StarrSek Industries there!
Benny Newell: Are you kidding me, Hoffsack? Clearly John Sektor is a ring general, and knew exactly where he was!
Brian Hollywood lands a couple of punches that back Sektor up into the ropes. Hollywood uses the spring of the ropes to help propel Sektor to the opposite side. Sektor charges back in, and ducks under a would-be clothesline from Brian Hollywood and hits the opposite side ropes.
Joe Hoffman: Flying elbow smash from John Sektor! Both men are down in the center of the ring!
Both men lie still in the center of the ring as each of their tag team partners both scream and plead for the tag.
Steve Solex: 1!!!!!!!!!
Solex counts the number one, but instead of index fingers, he holds two middle fingers high in the sky.
Joe Hoffman: Unnecessary.
Benny Newell: DRINK!
Sektor is the first to move, and begins a slow crawl to his corner. Hollywood attempts to crawl after him, but as he grabs ahold of Sektor’s ankle, Jatt Starr is tagged in.
Benny Newell: Here we fuckin’ go!
Joe Hoffman: Matthews’s in the ring! And there he goes!
Darin Matthews illegally got into the ring, only to be immediately ejected from the ring by a Jatt Starr throw. Matthews lands dangerously on the outside, and Jatt Starr begins his attack on the fallen Brian Hollywood.
Benny Newell: This is why Jatt Starr is the Hall of Fame!
Joe Hoffman: He IS the Hall of Fame?
Benny Newell: You heard me, Hofflips! He’s the The Ruler of Jattlantis, The HOW Classic, The Sultan of SeJattle, the Jattlantic City Idol…
Joe Hoffman: We get it Benny.
Benny Newell: DRINK!
Starr lands a couple of boots into the back of Hollywood’s neck and then lifts the tag team champion to his feet. Starr grabs a fistful of Hollywood’s hair and pulls him to his feet. A stiff kick to Hollywood’s stomach doubles him over, and immediately Jatt Starr plants him into the mat with a perfectly executed swinging neckbreaker.
Joe Hoffman: Jatt Starr with the cover!
Solex slides into position and makes the count.
Benny Newell: He’s the Mayor of ManJattan…
Benny Newell: The Sovereign of Starrgentina!
Joe Hoffman: Hollywood gets a shoulder up just in time! I’m surprised that Solex has remained so neutral here!
Benny Newell: Fuck off, DRINK!
Starr rolls his eyes as Solex shows him the count of two. Solex shrugs his shoulders.
Steve Solex: Down the middle, that’s what the boss said!
Starr shrugs off Solex’s comment, and pulls Hollywood to his feet. A few right hands from Starr sends Hollywood backward into the corner. Starr whips him across the ring into the opposite turnbuckle. Hollywood thuds into the corner and stumbles out a few feet.
Joe Hoffman: Eye poke from Jatt Starr!
Hollywood freaks out and covers his eyes. He frantically paces the ring as Solex delivers a warning to Jatt Starr.
Benny Newell: STARRLITE EXPRESS! YES! FUCK YES! DRINK!
Hollywood walked right into a spear from Jatt Starr, and he didn’t even see it coming. Solex is in for the count.
Joe Hoffman: Hollywood gets a shoulder up in just the nick of time, Benny!
Benny Newell: That was three! (shouts) What the fuck, number one!?
Jatt Starr can’t believe it, but again Solex shows him the number two. Starr is visibility frustrated as he gets back to his feet. He marches to his corner and tags in John Sektor. Solex makes the mocking tag signal again, as both Jatt Starr and John Sektor make a b-line for Brian Hollywood.
Joe Hoffman: StarrSek Industries is on a mission to end this one now!
Benny Newell: FINISH HIM!
Joe Hoffman: Mortal Kombat?
Benny Newell: Karate Kid.
Joe Hoffman: Nice.
Starr pulls Hollywood to his feet and whips him off the ropes.
Benny Newell: Double clothesline!
Joe Hoffman: Hollywood ducks!
Hollywood ducks the double-clothesline attempt, hits the ropes and drops both challengers with a two-arm flying clothesline.
Joe Hoffman: Both members of StarrSek are down, and Hollywood is going for the tag from Matthews, who is chomping at the bit to get into the match!
Matthews impatiently stomps his feet on the apron as he reaches as far as he possibly can for the tag.
Joe Hoffman: Tag is made!
Again, Solex mockingly makes the tag signal as Matthews enters the ring and goes right after Jatt Starr with a number of right hands.
Joe Hoffman: The legal man is John Sektor, I hope Darin Matthews realizes that!
Starr attempts to cover up, but Matthews is too much as he unloads a barrage of punches to Starr’s head and body. Starr falls to a knee, and Matthews turns around to celebrate.
Benny Newell: C-SEKTION!
Sektor makes the cover.
Solex calls for the bell.
DING! DING! DING!
Benny Newell: We have new champs! New Tag Team Champions!
Joe Hoffman: What an effort from Matthews and Hollywood! They lost by….
Benny Newell: A cunt hair, Hoffhole!
Joe Hoffman: (scoffs) By this much.
Solex rolls out from the ring under the bottom rope to retrieve the tag team championship belts from the timekeeper as Jatt Starr and John Sektor celebrate in the center of the ring.
Joe Hoffman: It’s Zeb Martin! Zeb Martin has leveled Steve Solex with that steel chair!
Benny Newell: That country, fish fryin’, Egg Bandit, son of a bitch!
Solex has been absolutely flattened on the outside of the ring with both tag team championship belts in hand, and his forehead has been busted wide open. Sektor and Starr, the newly crowned champions, hurry out of the ring to the outside as Zeb Martin hops the barricade and runs through the crowd with the chair still in hand.
Benny Newell: He better run!
About halfway up the arena, Zeb Martin stops. He turns back toward the ring and holds the chair up high as the crowd explodes in cheers. The HOW lower third displays as the closing shot is of Jatt Starr and John Sektor holding their newly won belts over their shoulders, while helping a crimson masked and completely dazed Steve Solex to his feet.