Event Date: February 27, 2022
- 1. JIles and Dean vs. Hollywood and Dresden
- 2. An Ultra Update
- 3. BO-LIEVE THAT
- 4. Harrison and Kostoff vs. Team MVW
- 5. New Player
- 6. Frustrated
- 7. I Got Your Back
- 8. Prove It
- 9. Jatt Starr vs. Bobbinette Carey
- 10. Drink it black
- 11. PWA vs. Solex and Byrd
- 12. But...She Likes Nintendo(?)
- 13. HATE/LOVE
- 14. Nothing Left
- 15. Stronk Godson vs. JJR
JIles and Dean vs. Hollywood and Dresden
We open with the usual fanfare of the Refueled intro, bringing us to a wide shot of the crowd inside the Target Center in Minneapolis for this the 89th edition of Refueled! Pyro goes off to welcome us to another exciting show, before we cut to Joe Hoffman standing by!
Joe Hoffman: Hello everyone and welcome to Refueled 89! Tonight sees the end of group competition in the Maurako Cup, and while we already know how some of the semi-finals will shake out, tonight sees who can garner those last needed points and who will be done and dusted in the tournament! In our main event we have the HOTv Championship on the line as Jeffrey James Roberts defends against HOW newcomer STRONK Godson, but first we have our opening contest!
We cut to ringside, where Bryan McAvay and Joel Hortega are standing by!
Bryan McAvay: Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team match is scheduled for one fall, as part of the Maurako Cup! Introducing first, the team of Cancer Jiles and Bobby Dean!
“I Am The Cool” plays as Cancer Jiles makes his way to the ring, looking none too pleased about his situation as the music cuts to “You’re The Best Around,” marking the arrival of Bobby Dean. The pair quickly make their way to the ring, not looking to waste any time tonight.
Bryan McAvay: And their opponents…
“Stronger on Your Own” by Disturbed blares over the PA. Hollywood slowly walks from the back and takes center stage as he stands there for a few brief moments, closing his eyes. He reigns in the boos from the crowd as he gets in final mental preparation for his upcoming match. As Hollywood opens up his eyes, pyro shoots off in opposite corners of the stage as it makes its way to center stage.
Bryan McAvay: Introducing first…from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 225lbs… BRRRRRIAAAAN HOLLLLLLYWOOOOOD!!
As the pyro hits the center, the camera zooms in to see the reflection in Hollywood’s eyes as he finally makes his way down the ramp, quickly taking off his vest and throwing it down with intensity. Hollywood makes his final push as he charges the ring, rolling under the ropes. He gets back to his feet and looks about the entire arena glaring at the fans before he takes his place in the corner turnbuckle before turning his gaze intently in the ring as he awaits for the bell.
The chorus of ‘Never Look Back’ hits the sound system as the overhead lights dim. Blue and white lights flash along the rampway as spotlights of similar shades swirl over the crowd. Eliza Dresden waits all of a second before she bounds onto the stage, her energy levels already through the roof thanks to the cheers.
Bryan McVay: And his tag team partner, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 153lbs, ELIIIIIIII DRESSSSSSDENNNNNNNNN!
Stopping at the top of the ramp, she thrusts a fist in the air… but she can’t be idle for long. She all but bounces her way down to the ring, darting from side to side to slap offered hands and otherwise play to the crowd, earning a decent amount of cheers as she goes along. Nearly down the ramp, she speeds up and slides into the ring headfirst on her stomach. In one fluid motion, Dresden twists onto her back and kips up to her feet.
Joe Hoffman: Hollywood and Dresden have been through quite a bit during this tournament, and look to close things out in a big way against a pair with the history of Cancer Jiles and Bobby Dean!
She’s quick to mount the nearest turnbuckle, once again shoving a fist skyward to more of that positive reaction from the fans before she’s popping back down and turning to look toward her partner, before the pair stare down their opponents.
DING! DING! DING!
We kick things off in this opening contest with Hollywood and Bobby Dean locking up, the latter looking to take it to the Hall of Famer with a headlock takedown! Bobby follows with a stomp for good measure before bringing Hollywood back to his feet…only for Hollywood to turn the tables with an arm drag that drops Dean to the canvas!
Joe Hoffman: Brian Hollywood really taking it to Bobby Dean in the early goings, likely looking to make a big statement on this final week of group competition!
Hollywood stays on the attack with a stomp to the midsection of Dean, keeping him from getting back to a vertical base. Brian follows up with some hard kicks to the head, looking to keep the Bandit at a disadvantage. Bobby eventually makes it back to his feet, but is once again overwhelmed by a flurry of offense by Hollywood that ends with a big boot! With Bobby down once more, Hollywood quickly turns the Bandit over to his back, locking in a Boston crab!
Joe Hoffman: Oh no, this could be bad news for Bobby Dean!
Bobby is wincing in pain, crawling as best he can toward the bottom rope as Brian yells for him to just tap out already. Bobby struggles to get to the bottom rope, just inches away from grabbing it…AND BRIAN PULLS HIM AWAY! Bobby is in a bad way here…and Jiles finally decides to run in, connecting with a forearm on Hollywood to force him to break the hold! Hortega admonishes Jiles, telling the former World Champion to get back to his corner as Bobby slowly rises to his feet…just as Hollywood makes the tag to Dresden!
Joe Hoffman: And here comes Eli Dresden, ready to kick things up a notch!
Dresden runs in like a bat out of hell, first going after Jiles with a dropkick that sends him through the ropes to the outside! With him out of the way, Eli turns her attention to a wobbly Bobby Dean. Dresden takes to the ropes, building up speed for a flying cross body…but Bobby catches her in midair! Fall forward slam by Bobby Dean, dropping Dresden onto the canvas!
Joe Hoffman: Bobby with the big slam on Dresden, and he might be ready to…wait a minute, what’s Jiles doing!?
Jiles has made it back onto the apron by this point, basically demanding that Bobby tag him in! After some hesitation, Dean opts not to make the cover, instead tagging in the Cool One…who quickly stomps away at Dresden, a measure of revenge for the earlier assault. Jiles brings Dresden to her feet, taking a moment to taunt Hollywood…and it’s a moment he soon regrets, as he’s met with a hard slap by Dresden! Jiles is hurt both physically and mentally by the strike, giving Dresden the opening she needs to take to the ropes once more, hitting a Sling Blade on Jiles! DRESDEN GIVING A BIG OMFN TO CANCER JILES! She’s already back up to her feet, taking to the ropes like a springboard…and connecting with the Arabian moonsault! GDI, AND THE COVER!
DING! DING! DING!
Bryan McAvay: Here are your winners at 5 minutes 23 seconds…the team of Brian Hollywood and Eli Dresden!
Hortega raises the arm of Eli, Hollywood soon following suit as we see Jiles and Dean hastily make their exit up the ramp.
Joe Hoffman: What a win for Eli Dresden and Brian Hollywood in our opening contest. The win gets them to 5 points in the group and cements their spot as the 2nd place team in the group….where rumor is that they will be competing with the other 2nd place group finishers at some point. For now….let’s cut backstage.
An Ultra Update
We cut backstage for the first time tonight. Blaire Moise is located in front of a wall. No guests.
Blaire Moise: Thanks Joe. As you all may know, there was an unfortunate incident that took place this week at a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant outside of St. Louis which resulted in the arrest of Ultratron-6.1. There were concerns that the ‘New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ may not make it to the Target Center in time for tonight’s show. HOTv happened to be filming there at the time the incident took place and this is what they saw…
(Last Thursday Night-Chuck E. Cheese’s Restaurant – Ellsville, MO)
Ultratron-6.1 is pissed off and standing up on a chair in front of the stage at the Chuck E. Cheese restaurant in the middle of one of his rants.
Ultratron-6.1: THE CHILLING GLEAM COMING FROM MY EYES SHOULD TELL YOU ALL. *I*, ULTRATRON-6.1 WILL BE THE ONLY LIVING BEING IN THE RING ON SUNDAY NIGHT! STEVE HARRISON? YOU’RE NOTHING IN COMPARISON TO THE RAW POWER OF THE NEW AGE CYBERTRONIC CRIMINALLY INSANE ROUGE SENTIENT ROBOT WRESTLING MACHINE! CHRIS KOSTOFF? PISH!
Ultratron-6.1 puts one foot on the table.
Ultratron-6.1: YOU ARE ALL NOTHING. YOU ARE WORMS. MERE FLEAS. AN INFECTION FOR WHICH THERE IS ONLY ONE CURE!
Pausing for maximum dramatic effect, Ultratron-6-1 prepares to deliver the coup de grace of his grand peroration. He raises his hand and points a finger at nothing in particular but to make a grand gesture.
Ultratron-6.1: THE RAGE OF ULTRATR-
Offscreen Voice: Hello boys and girls, let’s have some fun tonight!
The curtain on stage pulls back and for reasons we will never know, Ultratron- mouth wide open- at the climax of his diatribe, is interrupted by the band of animatronic animals on stage that’s suddenly come to life.
Dog Playing Guitar: Hi boys and girls. I’m Jasper P. Giles! Chuck E.’s best-
Jasper doesn’t get a chance to finish his greeting as he’s destroyed by two laser blasts from Ultratron-6.1’s hands.
Helen the singing duck explodes next.
The keyboard player gets blown apart by Ultratron-6.1’s bolts of energy.
And finally, last but not least, Pasqually the drummer is blown into little tiny bits.
With the ruins of the smoldering husks from what’s left of the four animatronic slowly disintegrating before their eyes, the kids at the adjacent table look at the spectacle with mouths wide open.
Blaire Moise: I can confirm that Ultratron-6.1 was released from police custody this morning and is here tonight in Minneapolis. I did try to get a comment from Ultratron’s manager Sunny O’Callahan but mercifully, she did not want to make any statement tonight.
Blaire takes a breath.
Blaire Moise: Thank God.
With that we cut elsewhere…
We cut elsewhere where we see the OTHER backstage interviewer contracted to High Octane Wrestling, Brian Bare, ready to go with his first interview of the evening.
Brian Bare: I just wanted to give thanks to the Stevens Dynasty for letting me interview……
A mammoth paw reaches over and grabs the microphone from Bare and pushes him aside. Cary takes the mic from George and hits it a few times.
Cary Stevens: Kostoff. Harrison. You two have fucking jokes don’t you.
Cary states as he shakes his head.
Cary Stevens: In-bred family jokes, how original.
Cary shakes his head in disgust.
Cary Stevens: And they said you were one of the best trash talkers around. How disappointing.
Cary snaps his fingers and Bo produces a lead pipe while George produces the infamous shovel.
Cary Stevens: Harrison, tonight you become Nancy Kerrigan as we go Tonya Harding all over your knee!
Bo Stevens: Who?
Cary lets out a sigh.
Cary Stevens: Kostoff, tonight…..
He grabs the shovel and gives it a smell that brings ecstasy to the patriarch.
Cary Stevens: We not only bury your career, but we will bury YOU, SIX….FEET…..DEEP.
Bo Stevens: BO-Lieve that Kastoff and Harryson.
Bo says as he winks at the camera before it cuts out and we head to a commercial break.
Harrison and Kostoff vs. Team MVW
Back live and we immediately cut back to ringside where our Hall of Fame Ring Announcer is set to do the introductions for our next match.
Bryan McVay: The following match is scheduled for one fall, and it is the final match in Group 4 of the Maurako Cup! Introducing first…
A single spotlight appears as the crowd boos as the sound of a guitar wails throughout the arena followed by a gunshot. “When the Smoke Clears” by Dale Oliver, Ducky Medlock and Bigg Vinny Mack The HOV shows three shadows and as they appear as George, Bo, along with Cary and the audience begin to shower The Stevens Dynasty with boos.
Crowd: FUCK YOU STEVENS! Clap. Clap. Clap, clap, clap. FUCK YOU STEVENS! Clap. Clap. Clap, clap, clap. FUCK YOU STEVENS! Clap. Clap. Clap, clap, clap.
Cary is looking spiffy in a shiny, golden jacket as he leads the charge while his son and nephew follow behind him as they appear on stage. Cary blows kisses towards the crowd as Bo and George slow raise their arms high into the air and give the double Texas salute to the filth as a golden waterfall of pyro falls down behind them.
Bryan McVay: Being accompanied to the ring by Cary Stevens… from The Great State of Texas, weighing in at 234 pounds…he represents The Stevens Dynasty…he is BO! STEEEEEEVEEEEEEENSSSS!
Bo and George reach the end of the stage and make their way up the ring steps and once inside Bo and George go towards the center of the ring and raise their arms high in the air once more and deliver another double Texas salute to the audience in attendance and the people watching at home as fireworks explode from the turnbuckles while Cary is hyping up his boys.
Joe Hoffman: Cary’s really not done that good of a job at giving the HOW fans a good impression of himself or of the boys in the Stevens Dynasty. On the other hand…
The Brit-poppy beat of Geri Halliwell’s (aka… the former Ginger Spice) “Look at Me” comes on and out walks the ‘Queen of Mean’ Sunny O’Callahan- complete with red and green queen’s crown and green cape covering her black bustier and pants.
Sunny takes off her sunglasses and poses for the fans.
Bryan McVay: Accompanied to the ring by the Kabal of Really Awful People-
Sunny once again has a microphone and once again clears her throat to get McVay to stop.
Sunny O’Callahan: AHEM! Accompanied by the best manager with the most brilliant wrestling mind ever in professional wrestling and the ONE TRUE QUEEN OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING! BOW DOWN TO ME! SUNNY O’CALLAHAN!
Shaking his head, McVay goes on.
Bryan McVay: From Parts Unknown… weighing in at 200 pounds. He is ‘The New Age Cybertronic Criminally Insane Rogue Sentient Robot Wrestling Machine’ ULTRATRON-SIX-POINT-ONE!
A silver metallic ‘robot’ comes out carrying a duffel bag totally overflowing with cash (he uses it to pay for Ms. O’Callahan’s managerial services). Piercing red eyes glowering towards the crowd, Ultratron-6.1 tries his best to look menacing. He’s not quite a shiny, silver cheap b-movie knock off of a famous comic book robot but he’s awfully close.
The other members of K.R.A.P.
–‘Defective’ Marty Pratt– the guy who tries to ‘erase’ people with the oversized eraser on his oversized pencil.
–The Murder Hornets– Two smaller luchadores with plain purple ski masks over their heads and an all-purple wrestling ensemble with ‘MURDER HORNETS’ emblazoned on the front of their shirts.
–Hawaii-Five-One-Five-O– Kahua and Maili. Two Samoan wrestlers dressed in flashy Hawaiian shirts who also formerly worked in MVW as a tag team.
–Bill E. Zayne– Dressed in the fancy clothing circa 1912 of the heir to a Pittsburgh steel fortune- Caledon Hockley as he boarded the Titanic. Zayne exudes the same snobby, arrogant, and narcissistic traits of the Hockley character from the epic movie Titanic- Voyage of Doom.
–David Litterman– Ordinary looking dude with a total disregard of the environmental consequences his cavalier attitude towards trash disposal presents.
Bryan McVay: They are… TEAM MVW!
O’Callahan leads the procession down the ramp towards the ring. Litterman casually drops a napkin and an empty pop container with straw and plastic lid on the stage following the group while Bill E. Zayne…
Bill E. Zayne: I HAVE A CHILD!
…holds up a ‘My Sweet Love Baby Doll’ strapped into a plastic pink car seat and races ahead of everyone.
Bill E. Zayne: I HAVE A CHILD!
Joe Hoffman: …in spite of the presence of Sunny O’Callahan, Ultratron 6.1 has been growing on HOW as a whole. It’s possible that’s just from how his accompaniment just seemingly keeps growing and expanding like a cinematic universe.
Ultratron 6.1 climbs into the ring, heading for his team’s corner. As the music fades, Bo Stevens makes his way over to his partner, the attempt made to discuss strategy. Unfortunately, it’s mostly thwarted by Cary Stevens and Sunny O’Callahan both continually trying to interject with their thoughts from the outside.
Bryan McVay: And their opponents…
‘Wolf Totem’ by The Hu screams across the speakers as Chris Kostoff steps out onto the stage, the HOW Hall of Famer’s appearance earning a near-deafening amount of cheers. Looking out over the assembled fans, Kostoff smirks to himself.
Bryan McVay: From Tampa, Florida, weighing in at 285 pounds…he is CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIS KOOOOOOOSTOOOOOFF!
Kostoff slowly makes his way to ringside, his focus remaining firmly centered on the ring. He then circles the ring before sliding in on his stomach, the referee and his opponents both giving him a wide berth as his music fades.
Joe Hoffman: There is no denying that Chris Kostoff is a legend in HOW. There’s also no denying that his partnership with Steve Harrison has had mixed results, to say the least.
“Take the Money and Run,” By The Steve Miller Man starts to play and the curtain flies open. Steve Harrison walks out with his arms in the air, a smirk across his face. He begins walking towards the rings and begins waving at that crowd who return his waves with boos and indifference.
Bryan McVay: And his partner, from Fairfax, Virginia, weighing in at 245 pounds… he is STEEEEEEEEEEEVE HAAAAAAAAARIIIIISOOOON!
The smirk begins to fade after hearing the response so the Miracle Man begins jawing back at some of the audience and pointing to himself yelling over and over “ME, ME, ME!.” Steve walks faster to the ring his smirk now a scowl, he enters the ring and leans against one of the turnbuckles and begins talking to himself, his face becoming red in anger.
Joe Hoffman: Steve Harrison’s foul mood has the potential to spoil the broth here, but on the other hand, if anyone can help him channel that anger into being useful… it’s Kostoff.
There’s a brief, gruff exchange between Chris Kostoff and Steve Harrison that ends with the latter taking his spot on the apron. On the other side of the ring, Cary’s managed to annoy the rest of Team MVW into letting Bo start things off.
DING DING DING
Kostoff opens by calling for a lock-up, and despite the size difference, Stevens accepts. Kostoff leans in with his height and weight advantage, and he pushes Stevens back a couple steps, but then Stevens is able to stop him, and the two jockey for position. Stevens pushes Kostoff back a step, but before he can get any further, Kostoff buries a knee into his abdomen. Stevens loses his leverage, and Kostoff starts pushing him back into a corner to continue kneeing his stomach while his uncle shouts at him from ringside. After about four knees to the stomach, referee Matt Boettcher starts counting for Kostoff to let him out of the corner.
Kostoff lets Stevens out after a couple more knee lifts. Bo responds by reaching out to jab Kostoff in the eye. This makes Kostoff stagger a bit, giving Stevens room to barrel out of the corner with a back elbow to bring Kostoff down. He then goes for a cover that surprises even Boettcher, but he drops down to count regardless.
Boettcher has barely slapped the mat the first time when Kostoff powers out, still favoring his face.
Joe Hoffman: That eye poke’s got Kostoff hot under the collar. Stevens has got to stay on him or the HOW Hall of Famer’s gonna make him pay dearly for that disrespect!
Kostoff is getting up, but Stevens strikes while the eye poke is hot and grabs Kostoff, turning his back to him so he can throw the big man over with a thunderous German suplex! Before he can get up, Kostoff feels Stevens grabbing at his legs, probably for a Cloverleaf, and starts struggling, making it harder for Stevens to wrap him up. Stevens responds by struggling to lock him up, and after it’s clear he won’t be able to, doing a move straight out of the 90s and just whipping Kostoff’s legs in opposite directions as hard as he can. While not illegal, it’s a dick move, and that’s where Kostoff’s hands instinctively go after the forced split. Stevens looks like he’s going to follow up, but he strays too close to his corner and Ultratron tags himself in. The Stevens, Elder and Younger, both look offended, but Ultratron’s lackeys are quick to applaud the move.
Joe Hoffman: Ultraton’s forcing Bo into proper tag team behavior. Frequent swaps are key to success, especially when it comes to a monster like Kostoff.
He walks over to Kostoff, who has been crawling toward the ropes. He also grabs at the legs, but his chosen maneuver is to drag Kostoff until he can swivel around and get Kostoff’s neck under the bottom rope. Despite being even smaller than Bo Stevens, Ultratron seems to have no trouble manhandling Kostoff to the point where he whips his throat up into the bottom rope with a catapult hangman. Kostoff clutches at his throat now, but he tangles his legs up in the ropes so when Ultratron tries to grab him to pull him out for a pin attempt, Boettcher has to tell him not to. Ultratron just stands, impassive, glaring down at Kostoff as he recovers. As he does, he pulls himself closer to his corner, and while several people at ringside urge him to stop Kostoff, Ultratron seems completely unconcerned as Kostoff tags in his partner. Steve Harrison barrels into Ultratron, nailing a series of forearm shivers to the robot’s face. Ultratron seems to absorb the blows easily, but after taking six or seven, he responds with a quick, short European uppercut that pushes Harrison back. Harrison responds with another forearm, but a second uppercut brings Harrison down to the mat. Ultratron bends down to do something, but as he does, Stevens gets his hand on the metal back and is legal again!
Joe Hoffman: Ultatron and Bo are not working very well together tonight, and it’s hard to assign blame as to who’s behaving more badly. Giving Kostoff room to breathe is a bad, bad idea that’s gonna cost Team MVW, I can’t help but think.
The K.R.A.P. are unimpressed, but Stevens ignores them fully as he steps in, and as Harrison is getting up, he pulls Harrison into powerbomb position. He winks at Kostoff, signaling for a powerbomb as a specific slight to his finishing maneuver, but he grandstanded too long and Harrison heaves him up in a back body drop! He gets back up, but walks into a series of knife-edge chops. Stevens gets pushed back into a neutral corner. Stevens tries to do the eye jab again, but Harrison watched him pull that earlier and blocks it like he’s in a Three Stooges film. This gets a little bit of a laugh, but Harrison ignores it and grabs the hand, pulling Stevens in before throwing him in a Saito Suplex. Cary is yelling at his nephew as he tries to get up, but Harrison is right with him, and he looks Ultratron right in his glowing red eyes before pulling Stevens down in a Russian Leg Sweep. He goes for a cover here.
Stevens gets a shoulder up
Joe Hoffman: Harrison’s not happy about Stevens kicking out, and it looks like Bo’s gonna wish he did instead of what Steve’s got in store!
Stevens rolls over onto his stomach so he can’t be pinned, but Harrison just yanks him up from behind, then starts trying to lock in a crossface chickenwing! Stevens’s eyes go wide, and several goons at ringside start going crazy. But Cary Stevens is the boldest, as he hops up on the apron to distract Harrison, and the ref. Kostoff comes over to take care of him, yanking him off the apron, but in the time that takes, Boettcher’s eyes are off of Bo long enough for him to mule kick Harrison between the uprights. Harrison’s eyes go wide as he lets go, falling to his knees as Stevens desperately tags in Ultratron, who has surveyed this whole scene with the same steely stoicism. He steps into the ring as Harrison glares up at him, undaunted despite the clear disadvantage he’s at..
Joe Hoffman: A cheap shot’s got the ball back in the court of Team MLW!
Ultratron marches over to Harrison, helping him up by grabbing him for a suplex. He lifts Harrison, but he first drops him across the top rope before whipping him over in a slingshot suplex. Rather than go for a pin, Ultratron matches Bo’s move from earlier, but instead of a cloverleaf, Ultratron’s chosen submission is a Figure Four Leg Lock. Harrison starts crying out in pain, but no matter how many times Boettcher asks, he never submits. Ultratron cranks on the Figure Four for a while, but lets go, presumably because he got bored? Harrison clutches his knee, but still tries to pull himself up to face the Cyborg. Ultratron boots Harrison in the gut, then lifts him up for the Disintegrator, but Harrison surprises him by kneeing him in the head. He yells every time, because it’s his bad knee, but he powers through the pain to batter Ultratron enough to slip off his shoulders. Harrison lands behind Ultratron and backs up a step before running forward to leap into the back of his head with one last knee in the form of a Knee Trigger!
Joe Hoffman: The crowd is on their feet after that display of guts from Harrison, and with good reason!
Ultratron is down, but Harrison is also down, clutching his knee desperately. The K.R.A.P. are all shouting and rallying behind their chromatic leader while the Stevens boys look generally uneasy. Ultratron starts getting up pretty quickly, to the point that he beats Harrison to his feet. Harrison’s face is screwed up with pain, but he pushes to his feet regardless. He gets to his feet, ready to stand against Ultratron, but then Kostoff tags himself in! He storms into the ring and clotheslines Ultratron before Harrison can even be escorted out of it. Ultratron goes down, but he gets back up quick enough that it might just be the physics of Kostoff’s size that brought him down. Kostoff doesn’t care much and charges again, nailing a second clothesline, but after that he gets cocky and pulls Ultratron in for a powerbomb. He points at Bo, grandstanding in response to Bo’s earlier taunt. Bo appears to take the bait and barrels into the ring, but rather than charge Kostoff, he baseball slides out of the ring near Harrison’s feet, then yanks him off the apron! Harrison lands hard, which jolts the knee of course, and as Kostoff starts calling Bo out for his cowardice, he starts rising into the air as Ultratron shifts his grip from a back body drop position to the Fireman’s Carry! Kostoff starts writhing, but Ultratron’s got him gripped tight, swinging his legs out and pulling him face first into the canvas! He rolls Kostoff over post-Disintegrator and waits for Boettcher to put the big man out of his misery.
DING DING DING
Bryan McVay: And here are your winners… Bo Stevens and Ultatron 6.1, Team MVW!
Harrison is apoplectic with rage on the outside of the ring, slamming his fist into the mat as the assembled misfits on the other side of the squared circle celebrate… though it quickly breaks down into a shouting match between Cary and Sunny over whose managerial genius contributed to the victory more. Kostoff is slowly coming to amongst it all.
Joe Hoffman: Well that was a cluster… mess! Yes, cluster mess. However, Team MVW has tasted victory in their final showing in the 2022 Maurako Cup and Harrison and Kostoff have missed out on the chance to advance to a tie breaking match next week. Instead, and because of this result, Conor Fuse and David Noble have advanced to the Semi Finals due to their head to head victory over JJR and Pleasant last week. They will now face off against Darkwing and Bobbinette Carey next week at Refueled 90 while The Devil’s Advocates will see what finishing 2nd has earned them….for now…let’s cut elsewhere.
The camera cuts backstage.
As we cut away from the match the HOV comes to life as an EARLIER TODAY graphic appears at the bottom of the screen as two members of the HOW staff file into the Target Center’s backdoor entrance. There, holding the door open for them is none other than World Champion, Conor Fuse. The staff members thank Conor, although the gamer’s eyes drift into the distance, as if he’s looking for someone else to show up.
A moment passes, Conor’s eyes are still ahead of him as two more men in business attire approach the door, which continues to be held open by Conor. They thank Conor, he says “you’re welcome” back but his eyes remain ahead. Fuse leans to one side, then leans to the other. Eventually, he stands on his tippy toes as if these angles would cause him to see different aspects of the private parking lot (it doesn’t). Again, another dead period goes by. Finally, referee Joel Hortega approaches.
Before Hortega can say anything, the champion’s face lights up as he waves past Joel. It’s clear another figure is approaching and it’s the person Conor has been waiting for.
…None other than the Queen of Epicness herself, HOW Hall of Famer: Bobbinette Carey. Bobbinette has a pair of pink butterfly sunglasses that match her pink blouse with a black blazer and slacks. She has on a black Kente cloth as a scarf over her outfit. Bobbinette slides her cell phone into her pocket. She seems caught off guard as she stands in front of The Ultimate Gamer.
Conor Fuse: Bobbi, hi, hey, what’s happening?
Bobbinette has her gear bag in hand as she looks around, then back at the HOW World Champ cautiously, then smiles.
Bobbinette: Gamer dude! Are you waiting for someone?
She says looking over her shoulder to see if there’s anyone behind her.
Bobbinette: I am running late. Trying to make sure I avoid certain people. No Darkwing tonight, and Scott Woodson issues. And certain opponents being who they are… but I am EPIC, thank you for asking.
Fuse nods with significant interest before leaning down and digging into his SNES throwback style backpack.
Conor Fuse: Hey, listen. Do you like Nintendo?
Conor motors through speaking, not giving Bobbi enough time to answer.
Conor Fuse: Because I like Nintendo. For a while there in HOW, I was having a hard time making friends but hey, you know what? Now it seems pretty easy. I guess that’s what happens when you have old #97MarioRed here, lol.
Conor says the internet acronym and laughs at the same time. Bobbinette laughs nervously as she looks around and back at the champion, unaware of the joke.
Conor Fuse: Anyway, I know you’re taking on my dear friend, The Player Formerly Known as Jatt Starr, Simon Sparrow tonight. I just wanna say goodluck to you. Obviously Simon is in my co-op but I’d like to think High Octane can be a bigger co-op, overall.
Fuse is getting a little rattled at rambling too long so he cuts himself off to get to the point. The gamer reveals a vintage SNES controller, in its original package. He hands it to Bobbi.
Conor Fuse: Here. Consider this a token of our newfound friendship. Now, the last guy I gave one of these too… he broke the damn thing over my head.
Conor rubs his temples, referring to when he gave Arthur Pleasant an SNES controller upon joining the Grapplers Local 214 last year… only to be attacked by Pleasant with the controller a week ago.
Conor Fuse: But I 1-upped him at the end of the night. They don’t call me the Last Level Legend for nothing.
Bobbinette tries to understand Conor.
Bobbinette: Co-op? He isn’t around here is he?
She asks, obviously confused by the language the gamer is saying. Bobbinette then squints her eyebrows before it dawns on her.
Bobbinette: Yeah the AoA… Excuse me, our Friendship? Sure…
She says looking at him as she slowly accepts the controller.
Bobbinette: That’s… nice of you… thank you? Next you’re going to say there is a spot for me in the AoA.
She states jokingly as she looks nervously around again as if she’s waiting for someone (AoA) to attack her. Fuse may be oblivious at times but he seems to catch on.
Conor Fuse: Oh hey, no no no. No one else is around, seriously. Just was, uh, ya know, chilling and hanging outside. I usually arrive early.
Bobbinette: You were just standing outside in the dead of winter in Pittsburgh? It’s good for the blood flow I guess. This is very kind of you.
Conor Fuse: Well, I am Canadian…
She wrinkles her nose then breathes a sigh of relief looking at the controller.
Bobbinette: Do people still play on the old systems? I swear I haven’t seen these in forever… Well thank you again, I’ve got to go get ready. Have a good day champ!
Bobbinette starts to head towards her locker room but Fuse talks again, causing Carey to pause and turn half way towards him.
Conor Fuse: Anyway, I figure I have a number of these, might as well pass one over to a new friend like you. They make a killing, too if you would ever intend to resell it. I’d still advise not to, but I mean, hey, it’s your gift.
Bobbinette: Okay, reselling a gift is super tacky. Like it’s a gift, if you can’t be a gracious recipient then you don’t deserve gifts.
She says in a matter of fact tone.
Bobbinette: Sure..thanks. I have to get ready to take on your Co-opt person, and Find Eli tonight before he does…. Anyways thanks Champ. Sorry about your loss last week.
She states (oblivious to the fact he won last week) as she starts to walk away only for The Vintage to speak for what feels like the 97th time, pausing Carey’s exit towards her locker room. She sighs heavily before turning to face Conor for yet another time.
Conor Fuse: Okay well anyway, it’s cool to chat Bobbi. Good luck again in the match tonight!
Bobbinette: Uh…. Yeah… thanks and happy black history month.
She says with a nod as this time she waves and quickly makes the exit towards her locker room, leaving the HOW Champion standing there while Carey briskly disappears down the hallway as the video ends and we cut back live to the arena.
As we switch backstage we see the hardest working woman in professional wrestling, Blaire Moise, standing next to a pacing Scott Stevens.
Blaire Moise: Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time Scott Stevens.
The crowd gives the Texan a rowdy response, but the acknowledge meant doesn’t cause Scott to break his stride.
Blaire Moise: Scott, you’ve asked for this time. What is on your mind?
Blaire asks and Scott quits pacing and you can tell by his body language that something is truly on his mind. He goes to speak but stops himself. Stevens sighs a quick as he wipes his mouth quickly with his hand.
Scott Stevens: I’m frustrated Blaire.
Scott informs Blaire who has a puzzled look on her face.
Blaire Moise: Frustrated with what exactly?
Scott Stevens: Everything.
Scott replies as he looks around slowly moving his hands through his hair.
Scott Stevens: I’m frustrated with my family trying to butt into my business. I’m frustrated with Black Mamba not keeping his promises. I’m frustrating with people questioning my allegiance here in HOW. I frustrated with Michael Oliver Best ignoring my phone calls, but the thing I’m most frustrated with…..
Stevens looks directly at the camera.
Scott Stevens: Conor Fuse ignoring me…..
Conor’s name draws a mixed reaction from the crowd as Scott slowly points to himself while Blaire looks confused.
Blaire Moise: But didn’t he say he would get back to you after the Maurako Cup?
Blaire asks and Stevens shakes his head in annoyance.
Scott Stevens: Conor Fuse is using this tag tournament as an excuse instead of giving me a clear cut answer. Hell, I even tried to buy a ticket to his little soiree to talk to him once again, but I was denied entrance.
Blaire Moise: You were denied?
Scott Stevens: Yep. They said it was a security problem since I caused havoc last time I wanted to talk to Conor. There are only two people to cause that to happen; Michael Oliver Best and you, Conor.
Scott says sternly as he points the finger of blame towards the camera.
Scott Stevens: He boasts he wants to be the greatest champion there is. The Ultimate End Boss, but the little prick hides behind David Noble and this Maurako Cup instead of giving me a clear cut answer.
Stevens explains as he smashes his fist into his other hand.
Scott Stevens: Let me remind you of something Conor.
Stevens points towards the camera.
Scott Stevens: March to Glory is coming up and it seems to me you don’t want to pull double duty, but Mike Best wasn’t afraid to do it last year. Why are you?
Stevens lets the question linger.
Scott Stevens: I mean is it because you know you could win the tag titles but lose the world title to me like you should have last time we danced in that ring?
Scott asks as he points toward where he thinks the ring would be.
Scott Stevens: Conor, I will have my answer from you sooner rather than later, and you may not like it when I have your full undivided attention. Tick Tock Conor. Tick Tock.
Stevens threatens as he taps his wrist as he exits and we go to commercial.
I Got Your Back
Back live and we cut backstage and we see Bobbinette Carey exiting her locker room heading down the hallway. She sees Eli Dresden and smiles. Bobbinette is already in her gear ready for her match against Simon Sparrow.
Bobbinette power walks towards an already less than amused Eli, who is back in her street clothes after her match earlier in the evening.
Eli: Whatever you want, my answer’s still no.
Bobbinette: Congratulations on your win against the Lesser Bobby and Cancer.
She says with a nod.
Bobbinette: Look, I know Jatt approached you. I wanted to say don’t do it. Whatever he is offering is a lie. The AoA is nothing but toxic misogynistic pigs.
Bobbinette says with disgust.
Eli: Funny, you’re actin’ more like an entitled frat boy douhebro than Simon did. At least when I told him no, he respected it instead of continuin’ to bother me.
Bobbinette: Please, I know you don’t believe me. But I’ve been fighting the AoA for over a decade. They are toxic, they aren’t accepting, they just want you because they know I want you to be part of this new Era for HOW.
She says with a sigh.
Bobbinette: You are an amazing wrestler. I am not kidding. I want to help you achieve the potential that I see in you. I’m not wanting a mini me. I want to help you go further in HOW. I want you to stand on my shoulders to get to your future.
She sounds empowering and passionate about her wording.
Bobbinette: I already accomplished what I wanted to. But my legacy should be more, it should show what I have done for others. You deserve a mentor to help nurture and guide your full potential.
Eli: What I deserve is to be left the fuck alone, Bobbi. No matter how many times you keep hasslin’ me, my answer’s not changin’. Find someone else to exploit, kay?
Bobbinette: I don’t want anyone using you. I know you don’t trust me. Quit listening to what others are saying and hear what I am saying: you’re a smart young woman who holds great promise. Let me help you. Plus your brand of violence could come in handy.
Bobbinette sees Chet and Tanner walking from the craft table.
Bobbinette: You like sending messages.. plus these toxic douche bros were Uber offensive. We can kill two birds with one stone. Not wanting to exploit you,I seriously want to help you. I see potential and I know I can help you.
She suggests as she motions towards chairs in the corner. Eli rolls her eyes.
Eli: See literally every answer I’ve given you up to this point. If you wanna go catch whatever rotted their brains out, be my guest. I’m not goin’ near them without a HAZMAT suit unless I absolutely have to.
Bobbinette: I respect your decision. I’ll show you that I am genuine with wanting to help your journey here.
Bobbinette walks away as Chet and Tanner see Eli alone and approach. Groaning under her breath, Eli rolls her eyes and beats a hasty retreat herself. Chet and Tanner walk after Eli as the camera cuts to black.
We cut elsewhere where we find James Cornfield of Pro Wrestling: Assault, who is obnoxiously slopping down a sandwich near the catering area. There is mustard on his upper lip, as he chews with his mouth half open.
Suddenly, PWA World Champion Ivy English walks into the frame,wearing a bright purple hoodie over his ring gear and carrying the PWA World Championship over his shoulder.
Ivy English: We need to talk.
Cornfield hardly looks up, more engrossed by his sandwich.
James Cornfield: About what, Ives? The fact that you cost us the Maurako Cup, your crappy attitude as of late, or the fact that you been taking pins like a thief in a bowling alley?
There is a tense moment of awkward silence between the two men… only the vague background sounds of Refueled can be heard, in between sandwich bites.
Ivy English: I’m the World Champion. Give me the HOTv Title shot.
Cornfield doesn’t even hesitate.
James Cornfield: Ya ain’t earned it.
Ivy English: And Jason Borehees has? I had a couple unlucky weeks, Jimmy, but last I checked, I’m still the champion. Give me a chance to prove I deserve it more than that seven foot Slipknot you’re parading around, and I’ll–
The champion’s words trail off in his throat, as the camera zooms out to reveal GenoSyde walking into the shot. He stares daggers into the eyes of Ivy English, who suddenly doesn’t seem so keen to talk trash.
Cornfield’s lips turn up into an amused grin.
James Cornfield: By all means, Ivy… go on.
GenoSyde leans in closer, baring his teeth at the PWA World Champion. Ivy seems to have temporarily lost his words.
James Cornfield: I’ll tell you what, Ivy. You want the HOTv Title shot? Prove it. Show me what you got out there against Byrd and Solex tonight. Send a message. Because I’m about a Chinese inch from sending you back home to your mama with a pink slip to match them fancy tights you like so much… champ.
Cornfield shoves his index finger into the chest of Ivy English, who for a moment looks like he might retaliate. Looking up at the nearly seven foot GenoSyde, however, he thinks better of it. Ivy slowly nods his head, clutching the PWA World Championship over his shoulder as he turns and walks away.
Cornfield enjoys his sandwich.
Refueled continues and heads back inside the arena.
Jatt Starr vs. Bobbinette Carey
As we cut back live inside the arena we see Bryan McVay standing in the ring, ready for our next contest.
Bryan McVay: The following singles contest is scheduled for 1 fall…
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back live everyone! Up next, we’ve got a true barn burner of a match for you. Two Hall of Famers will collide in a contest for the ag…
“Happy Song” by Bring Me the Horizon blares over the PA System. Out from the HOV emerges Darin Zion wearing a suit. Mr. Zion engages with his fans at ring side, slapping hands with each person. The cameras catch a giant, shit-eating grin from one Darin Zion. He walks over to the announcer’s booth and joins Joe Hoffman at ringside.
Joe Hoffman: HOLY MOLY GUACAMOLE! I’m in shock! What brings you out here, Mr. Zion?!
Darin Zion reaches for the headset before shaking hands with Joe Hoffman. The big smile faded from Darin’s face. He’s ready to call the action.
Darin Zion: It’s an honor to be joining you for commentary, Mr. Hoffman. I know it’ll be weird for our viewers at home to see two people calling the action right down the middle here at this table. But I figured the viewers at home needed a treat. Hell, if I am being honest; I couldn’t miss this match for the world.
Joe Hoffman: Is this because…
Darin Zion: On the contrary, Joe, my fellow colleague. I’m not here to disparage Mr. Sparrow’s name. While Simon and I don’t see eye to eye right now; I explained everything to him at the recent MVW show. I wanted to give him amble space to process things. I need space too. I’m not interested in this tit for tat game he’s playing. I get words hurt. But he hurt me too. I came out here to watch two Hall of Famers blow the roof off the Target Center tonight. Gotta see what it takes to get that eventual nod.
Joe Hoffman: That and scout one of the Group C competitors up close and personal.
Darin Zion: Damn right I am! With Sektor and Ellis in the semis already, I need to get a head start. Gotta scout Xander and I’s competition so we can blast past them. Figured I’d kill two birds with one stone by watching Sektor’s former partner take on Bobbinette Carey tonight.
The lights go out and one by one yellow spotlights illuminate the ramp from the ring to the curtain. “Everybody Wants You” by Billy Squier blares across the arena and emerging from the curtain is Sir Simon Sparrow, sporting his red and black plaid suit (no dress shirt) and a monocle over his right eye. He carries a walking cane, not for necessity but for aesthetics. the Wabid Wabbit follows. The Professor of Sparrow-dynamics wastes no time in theatrics. He marches straight down towards ring side.
Joe Hoffman: Seems like you’ve already gotten in Sir Simon Sparrow’s head. He’s marching straight down here to the announcer’s booth.
Darin Zion: That’ll be good for him. Simon needs to blow off all his steam now. Bobbinette’s been on fire. She’s made it a personal life mission to conquer Black History Month. So far, no one has stopped her momentum since February started.
Sir Simon Sparrow walks straight up to Darin Zion’s face and lets his thoughts be known.
Sir Simon Sparrow: Apologize to me now!
Darin Zion: Mr. Starr, I’m not out here to play games. Go knock the shit out of Bobbinette…
Joe Hoffman: The professor of Sparrow Dynamics doesn’t seem interested in hearing your shit. He’s already back into the ring.
Zion shrugs his shoulders as Simon continues his entrance. The Professor of Sparrow-dynamics removes his suit jacket and carefully folds it before handing it and the cane to the Wabid Wabbit. The ring becomes illuminated in a teal light. The HOW Classic walks up the ring steps and middle ropes and enters the ring. Sir Simon Sparrow stands in the middle of the ring, all of the other lights go out save for one yellow spotlight in the middle of the ring where he stands, soaking in the cheers of his fans.
Bryan McVay: Introducing first, from Havre, Montana; please welcome the HOW Classic, the Gentleman, the Hall of Famer…. SIIIIIIIR SIIIIIIIMON SPPPPPPPARRRROW!!!!!!
The Minneapolis crowd erupts, embracing Sparrow. The spotlight fades the house lights come up and Sparrow heads towards corner and leans nonchalantly on the turnbuckle waiting for the match to begin when suddenly. The Target Arena lights go black.
“Tell you you’re the greatest
but once you turn they hate us!”
A magenta spot light it’s entrance as the Queen of Epicness herself is already standing there waiting for the light. Bobbinette Carey makes her way down the ramp. Wearing a miss America style crown. She stands at the top of the ramp with her pink and black leopard gear.
“Oh the misery everybody wants to be my enemy!”
The HOV plays a black and white video package. (We see the clip of her smashing a photo over Mario Maurako; another clip of her hitting Mario with the defib pads, then the most striking image of Bobbinette standing over Scottywood and slapping him.)
Bryan McVay: Introducing next, from Parma Heights, Ohio. Please welcome HOW Hall of Famer Ms. BOOOOOOOOBINNETTEEE CAAAAAAAAREY!
She steps up the ring steps and wipes her feet on the apron before getting in the center of the ring.
“Spare the sympathy, everybody wants to be my enemy, but I’m ready”
She stands in the center as magenta pink and mauve pyrotechnics explode from the turnbuckle as she does a ballerina style exaggerated curtsy.
Darin Zion: Holy Hell, Bobbinette looks primed for competition tonight. You can tell she wants to whip the piss out of Simon Sparrow. It’d be great if he stopped dooling over Ms. Carey.
Joe Hoffman: Sparrows gonna be Sparrow. Sometimes it’s mind games with him. He’s made a career out of getting in his opponents’ heads.
Joel Hortega meets both competitors in the middle of the ring. Sir Simon Sparrow extends his hand out to Bobbinette Carey. Carey hesitates for a moment before they both shake. The Professor of Sparrow Dynamics wastes no time. He attempts to kiss Bobbinette’s hand before Carey slaps the piss out of him and the mat begins.
DING! DING! DING! DING!
Joe Hoffman: Interesting tactics coming from the Artist Formerly Known as Jatt Starr in this opening.
Darin Zion: You dang well know I’m skeptical, Joe. You damn well know Bobbinette doesn’t consent to this. It looks like it didn’t pay off for Sir Simon right there. But what do I know? I’m not a Hall of Famer.
Joe Hoffman: It’s clear Bobbinette’s anger is on full display. She’s nailing Simon with stiff fore arms left and right. She’s got him straight in the corner.
The Minneapolis crowd lays into boos as Bobbinette lambasts Simon Sparrow down into the corner. Her feet stomp at Sir Simon’s jaw with ferocity. Carey wastes no time in pulling back and laying in a stiff kick straight into Simon’s jawline.
Bobbinette lectures the Minneapolis crowd. “Of course your Toxic Male Privilege cannot see…”
Before Carey can even finish her thought, Sparrow scurries under her, grabs the legs, hooks them, and rolls her up.
Joe Hoffman: Carey’s ego almost got the best of her right there. Simon almost squeaked a pin fall out of his fellow HOW Hall of Famer.
Sparrow grabs his jaw for a moment before taking advantage of his tactics. Sir Simon scoops up Bobbinette Carey and plants her with a solid DDT. Jumping back to his feet, Sparrow charges towards Carey. Laying into her with a sick Enzuguri, Carey drops down to the mat.
Darin Zion: Impressive offense from director of STARR WARS himself. It would impress Darth Vader himself.
Simon wastes no time in scooping Carey’s body off the mat. Hoisting her up, he nails a stiff German Suplex on the Ohio Native. He bridges her and Hortega counts the pin.
NOPE! Carey shifts her momentum to break the bridge. She’s back on her feet, nailing a sick looking Belly to Belly Suplex on the Professor of Sparrow Dynamics. Her face is burning with intensity. Charging towards Simon, she attempts a spear. But Sparrow has other ideas. He flings her shoulder first into the turnbuckle, dropping face first to the mat.
Simon kips up and charges at Carey, signalling for the Knee Smash Face Breaker. Carey flops out of the way, and Sparrow’s legs connect to the top turnbuckle. Grabbing his hurting knee, Simon sells the pain he’s in. A wild sneer appears on Carey’s face. She steals a page out of Simon’s playbook and wraps his legs up.
Joe Hoffman: CAREY WITH THE FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK! Carey’s taking great advantage of the situation. Simon’s howling out in pain. He’s attempting to scoot towards the ropes and…
Joel Hortega: ¡Rotura de cuerda!
Darin Zion: ROPE BREAK! Jatt barely makes it over to the ropes in time.
Joe Hoffman: You speak Spanish?
Darin Zion: I’ve wrestled all over the world, Joe. I’ve picked up a language or two along the way.
Carey’s in Joel Hortega’s face now. She’s irate! While she’s distracted, lecturing Joel Hortega, Sparrow sneaks up behind her. Sparrow balls up his fist and nails a low blow right to Carey’s groin, uppercut edition. Carey drops to the mat and winces in pain. Sparrow hobbles over to Carey and pulls her into the center of the ring. He sinches in the Camel Clutch on her. Locking it in tight, Carey flails around in pain.
Darin Zion: Carey’s face is about to match her magenta inspired ring gear. Jatt’s got that clutch locked in tight.
Joe Hoffman: Sparrow’s determined to collect this win tonight. He hasn’t won a singles match since Rumble at the Rock aired. He’s going all out to secure the win and spoil Carey’s February dominance.
Hortega immediately spots Sparrow is legit choking Bobbinette Carey. He starts slapping Simon’s sides, but Sir Simon ignores Joel’s warnings. Hortega begins to start his count for illegal choking.
Sparrow releases the hold and glares at Hortega as he gets up. He grabs Bobbinette’s lifeless body off the canvas. He sets her up into the Killswitch position.
Joe Hoffman: FALLING STARR! Simon’s moving in for the kill already.
Before Simon can finish setting up the move, Carey pushes him into the ropes. Bobbinette attempts to hit a powerbomb on Simon, but Sparrow lands a flash Sparrowcanarana on Carey. The Professor is quick to rush the ropes for a Springboard Dropkick on a hobbling Carey, but she dodges. She rushes at him and nails a sick looking Lariat. Bobbinette sends Sparrow flying over the top rope. Hortega quickly begins to count.
Carey slides underneath the ropes. While she grabs Sparrow, he gouges her straight in the eyes. Wasting no time, he tosses her into the steel steps. Simon’s instincts take over and he continues to smash her head into the steel.
Simon grabs Carey and nails a sadistic Snap Suplex onto the stairs, dropping Carey’s back with sheer force. His eyes intensify as he drops his knee into her skull.
Sparrow rolls back into the ring. But before Hortega can continues his count, Sparrow’s back on the outside. Sir Simon pulls Carey’s body up, then drops her with an Inverted DDT back onto the steps. Hortega’s got his arms crossed while restarting the count.
Sparrow whips Carey straight into the barricade. A devlish smirk forms on the Hall of Famer and member of the AOA. He charges straight towards Carey with the Art of Starr knee. Carey rolls out of the way and Sparrow crashes into and takes out the barricade. Both competitors are reeling on the outside.
Joe Hoffman: Both Carey and Simon need to climb back into the ring. Time’s running out for both of them. If they both can’t fight through the pain; this epic contest will end in a double count out.
Both Carey and Sparrow crawl towards the ropes as Hortega’s count continues.
Both roll back into the ring at the same time at the delight of the crowd. Sparrow and Carey climb back to their feet. Both trade blows before Carey gains the advantage. She nails a picture-perfect jaw breaker, sending Sparrow flying. Carey charges, nailing a sick looking clothesline. Carey wastes no time in signaling for the Epic Ending, her Somersault Senton. As she’s flying towards the ropes, Sir Simon extends his knees up. Carey takes the brunt end of Sparrow’s knees. She’s seething in pain as The Professor of Sparrow Dynamics climbs back to his feet. With a twisted look in his eyes, he motions for something we haven’t seen in a long time.
Joe Hoffman: Simon’s going for the Starrlite Express?!
Darin Zion: Wouldn’t it be known as the Sparrow Express now? Just trying to be respectful of the name change.
Joe Hoffman: He’s charging at her….
Darin Zion: CHOO CHOO MOTHER FUCKERS! The Sparrow Express has connected and left the building.
Joe Hoffman: Simon’s folded Bobbinette up like an accordion. He’s going for the cover.
Darin Zion: LAST SECOND KICK OUT BY BOBBINETTE CAREY! Looks like Jatt’s attempts at mocking Carey’s partner Darkwing couldn’t put away this hell-bent Magenta Queen down. She’s firing off her second wind now!!!
Back in the ring, you can see the frustration painted all over Sparrow’s face. After he’s done slamming his fists against the ring, he locks in the Jattaclysm on Carey. He rips back and puts all his force into the move. Carey struggles towards the ropes, but Simon pulls her into the center of the ring. Simon drops more pressure onto Carey’s lower back as she screams out.
Joe Hoffman: Simon’s got that Inverted Cloverleaf Locked in like I’ve never seen it.
Darin Zion: Good GOD almighty; I’ve suffered through that move myself. Carey could be done for right now. That pressure he’s exerting is INTENSE.
Carey crawls over towards the ropes. She’s inches away before passing out right in front of them. Hortega lifts her arm straight into the air, but she drops it. Hortega repeats with the same result. Carey’s hand drops to the mat a second time. Hortega does it one final time.
But Carey’s hand flies off the mat. She scurries for the ropes and grabs them. Sparrow rolls his eyes as he releases the hold and tries applying a Single Leg Lock. Before he can attempt more weakening, Carey uses her momentum and rolls Simon into a Guillotine choke of her own. Sparrow flails around before he grabs onto the ropes himself. Carey releases the hold while Sparrow rolls to the outside of the ring.
Carey doesn’t waste any time. She grabs Simon Sparrow and powerbombs him against the hardest part of the ring. She wastes no time in hoisting him up and slamming him back first into the steel steps with a Spinebuster.
Darin Zion: GOD DAMN! Look at the strength of Bobbinette Carey. She’s on a tear.
Joe Hoffman: Trust me when I say, most people underestimate Carey’s feats of strength. While most look at her body size and miscast her; she’s one of HOW’s stiffest female competitors.
Carey once again attempts to nail the Royal Pain, hoping to floor Simon on the outside. She rushes towards Simon, but Sparrow lands a back body drop on the First African American Female Hall of Famer. Sparrow’s about to mount some offense, but his ears perk up at the sound of Hortega’s accent bellowing out.
Simon bolts into the ring, then darts right back out. His eyes widen as he approaches Bobbinette Carey. His frustrations mount. He wastes no time in slapping the piss out of Carey’s jaw. His eyes lock onto Joe Hoffman and Darin Zion. He overhears Zion on commentary.
Darin Zion: The blatant disrespect by Jatt Starr right there. These two have had one helluva match for our fans at home. Yet once again, Jatt Sparrow proves he’s a bang up guy. He fucking nailed his trademark SMACK SPARROW right to Bobbinette’s face. I thought this guy had a weird fetish for her. His flagrant disrespect for everyone in this business……OOOOOOF!!!!
Joe Hoffman: Man down! Man down! Sir Simon Sparrow sends Bobbinette Carey into my broadcast colleague Darin Zion. All 235 pounds came flying at him and took him out.
Simon wipes his hands clean of the situation.
Simon makes his way back towards the ring when Zion leaps back to his feet. Both men start arguing at ringside. Both of their faces are bright red, burning with hatred. Zion and Sparrow both are in each other’s faces. Zion’s doing everything not to unleash his anger on the Hall of Fame legend in his presence.
Right as Sparrow’s poking Zion in the chest; Zion flies out of the way.
Joe Hoffman: A wild flying Carey comes flying in and takes Sparrow out with a sick looking spear. She nailed him square in the ribs. Sparrow’s gasping for air. She came FULL FORCE at him with all she’s got.
Carey wastes no time in scooping The Professor of Sparrow Dynamics off the mat. She tosses him back into the ring. Jatt nails a soft shoulder tackle into Carey’s gut, but it doesn’t stop her in her tracks. Carey attempts to DDT Simon, but he holds onto the ropes. He grabs her and tosses her against the ropes. She leaps over him. While she’s coming back around, Jatt doesn’t have enough energy to avoid what’s next.
Joe Hoffman: ROYAL PAIN! Sir Simon Sparrow is knocked out COLD!!!!!
She centers Sparrow in the middle of the ring. She rushes towards the top rope. In the background, you can hear the audible noise of Zion scrapping his headset off the ground to finish his job. She makes a motion.
Joe Hoffman: She landed the Epic Ending! Straight into the cover…
Darin Zion: Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy….
DING! DING! DING! DING!
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner of the match in 20 minutes…..BOBBINETTE CAAAAAAAAAAAAAREY!
Darin Zion: Now that’s a Hall of Fame result.
Zion slams his headset down to the ground and makes his way ring side. The cameras pick up Bobbinette gloating to the crowd about her victory. But they catch a quick glimpse of Zion eyeing Sparrow while he’s climb back up. Both men glare a hole in each other before we pick back up to Carey standing at the top of the entrance ramp. She continues to celebrate her win.
Joe Hoffman: EPIC win by Bobbinette Carey heading into the semifinal round. No one’s been able to stop her epic run this month. The question remains, is there anyone who could stop either Carey or Darkwing in their pursuit of the HOW Tag Team Championships?
The camera fades as Carey continues to celebrate and gloat to the fans of Minneapolis.
Drink it black
As everyone slowly exits the ring after the match, the lights in the arena dim as the High Octane Vision screen above the entrance ramp lights up as the words “Leave it to Stever” appear on the screen. The God-awful 1950’s television theme music plays throughout the arena as the crowd erupts in a chorus of boos. The letters quickly fade, and the scene on the HOV transitions to Steven Solex seated behind an old wooden desk. Steven is outfitted in his a “#1 Dad” ballcap, and a freshly ironed plain white t-shirt. Steven sits leaned over the desk, propping himself up with his elbows. As the music fades, Steven relaxes his posture and sits back into the 97red-leather chair. Steven kicks his feet up onto the desk, showing off his tan cargo shorts and his white New Balance shoes. A burlap sack to his left is filled to the top with hundreds, maybe thousands, of white envelopes.
Steven Solex: Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen, back to Leave it to Stever! Now, I know it’s been a hot-minute since you’ve had the absolute pleasure of asking me questions and the even bigger pleasure of watching me give my expert advice on said questions. But here we go! Let’s go to Steven’s Sack!
Steven winks at the camera after naming the burlap sack. The crowd can barely be heard booing as the sound of a crowd cheering is piped in throughout the arena. Solex reaches in and pretends to fish out a letter, but clearly grabs a letter that’s been labeled. He waves and flaunts the white envelope to the camera. Steven opens the envelope and tosses it aside after pulling it’s contents free.
Steven Solex: Let’s get right to it! Our first question is from Sam in San Antonio. “Dear Steven, First of all, you are without a doubt the best professional wrestler in the entire world. From sea-to-shining sea, you are the absolute best! I just wanted to let you know.”
Solex looks up at the camera and winks as the piped in crowd lets out a fury of applause as a quick snippet of the National Anthem is played.
Steven Solex: Sam continues, “So lately I’ve been cutting my grass in the overlapping box formation, but it never seems to look as good as my neighbor’s lawn. Like, not even close. Any tips?”
Solex tosses the letter behind him and covers his face with hands.
Steven Solex: Are you out of your mother-loving mind?! This is definitely how Ivy English cuts his grass, right after he finishes dying his hair pink, I’m sure.
The piped in crowd laughs as the crowd in attendance boos.
Steven Solex: You always cut the grass at a forty-five degree angle. This is a sure fire way to establish dominance over the other men in your neighborhood. Most of these lazy, beer gutted, dad-bod having, betas are too simple minded and out of shape to spend the time to ensure that their lawn is well manicured. The lines in your grass will blow their minds!
The piped in crowd lets out a round of applause, drowning out the crowd in the arena.
Steven Solex: So, show those soy boys In your neighborhood who the Alpha is and cut your grass at an angle. Also don’t forget to feed and weed your lawn once a week so that it keeps it’s gleaming, green appearance from spring to fall.
Solex tosses the letter behind him as the piped in cheers once again drowns out the boos emanating from the arena crowd. Solex reaches into the sack and pulls out a letter. He quickly opens it.
Steven Solex: “Dear Steven, My son has a Tik Tok account and he spends most of his day on his phone watching videos. What should I do?”
Steven looks into the camera with a sideways smile and immediately crumples the letter in his hand before tossing it behind himself.
Steven Solex: What the heck is a Tik Tok?! Next question!
Solex furiously rummages through the burlap sack and pulls out another letter and rips it open.
Steven Solex: Our next question is from Gary in Cleveland, and it reads: “Dear Steve, I feel like my local Starbucks is putting soy milk into my coffee instead of the oatmilk I ordered. How can I confront them about it, without coming off like a complete jerk?”
Solex looks into the camera. His jaw drops as he stares in disbelief.
Steven Solex: What in the betaverse?! You are a complete jerk and a freaking princess!
Solex leans forward in his chair and regains his composure. He rubs his temples with his fingers as he begins to address the question.
Steven Solex: Ok, Gary…why are you putting anything in your coffee at all? Unbelievable. Drink it black, like a real man! Coffee should taste like you drained it from the oil pan of a 1967 Chevy truck, not like a pack of peeps on Easter Day.
Piped in crowd laughter.
Steven Solex: I swear, Gary. If I wasn’t such a busy man, I’d be in Cleveland tonight, just to revoke your man card.
The piped in crowd noise turns to an ominous series of oooooos.
Steven Solex: And what in the holy heck is oatmilk anyway? I feel like this is something James Cornfield would put in a bottle, warm up in the microwave and feed to Genosyde before night-night time. And for the record, I’ve never seen nipples on my oatmeal, so where’s the milk coming from Gary?! I’ll tell you where…it’s coming from communism Gary. Now get it together before I lose my trademarked dad-cool and land on your doorstep to smack the beta right outta you!
The boos from inside the arena are thunderous and this time drown out the piped in applause.
Steven Solex: Well folks, that’s all the time we have this week!
Solex tosses the final letter behind himself.
Piped in Crowd: See you soon!
More boos from the crowd in attendance drown out the laughter from the piped in crowd.
Steven Solex: Not if I see you first!
The piped in crowd laugh and applaud as the volume has clearly been turned way up, drowning out the jeers in the area as the scene fades and we head to our first commercial break of the evening.
PWA vs. Solex and Byrd
Back live from commercial and we once again cut back to ringside where it is time for our next match of the evening and FINAL Maurako Cup Group Stage match.
Bryan McVay: The following match is one fall and is the final match of the Maurako Cup!
Joe Hoffman: While both teams are unable to win their group stage, they are trying to be the runner ups in their group and are currently tied at two points apiece. The winner of this match will become the runner-up and will receive… something of glory and merit. I’m sure of it.
Bryan McVay: Introducing first, the team of Steve Solex and Clay Byrd!
Byrd’s theme song plays as he’s followed by Steve Solex. Both men make their way to ringside.
Joe Hoffman: I’ve been told that Solex and Byrd have stolen Scott Steven’s son and have renamed him Steve Stevens. No, I’m not making this up, and I’m not quite certain how you steal someone’s son, but this is HOW and crazy stuff like that happens around here!
Bryan McVay: And their opponents… weighing in at two hundred and twelve pounds and standing at six-foot is Pro Wrestling: Assault’s World Heavyweight Champion: Ivy English.
English steps through the curtain with Cornfield in tow. Cornfield has the Pro Wrestling: Assault World Championship raised over his head as the two walks to the ring.
Joe Hoffman: This is going to be an interesting battle for Byrd and Solex as they will want at the very least the pride that comes with defeating the team from PWA and placing above them.
As they get about halfway down the ramp “Loser” by Beck hits and Genosyde walks out onto the ramp, mask on, staring forward at the ring. Cornfield pauses and waits for Genosyde to join him as Ivy just keeps walking to the ring staring at the arena.
Bryan McVay: And his partner, weighing in at three hundred and one pounds, standing at six-foot six is GENOSYDE!
Genosyde tightens the mask up around his face as we watch the two men climb up into the ring, leaving Cornfield on the outside with the championship while “Loser” fades out.
Matt Boettcher gives a set of instructions to both teams before it’s clear that Solex and Genosyde will begin the match off first. Boettcher watches as the partners exit the ring and signals for the start of the match.
Solex looks over at his partner for half a second, but this is all that’s needed for Genosyde to explode from his corner and drill Solex with a spear that nearly breaks the man in half. Genosyde mounts him and starts pummeling away with elbow shot after elbow shot across the face before he yanks him off the mat, whips him into the ropes and connects with a stiff knee to the midsection. Solex flips over from the shot, lands on the mat, and is prone as the man from Hell, Michigan bounces off the ropes and drops a knee across the face of his opponent.
Genosyde makes his way back up to his feet and drags Solex with him, drilling him with a forearm shot across the face before pushing him into the corner and slamming his shoulder into his solar plex repeatedly until Solex is in a seated position in the corner. Genosyde backs up a few feet before he runs full speed at Solex and drills both knees into the face of Solex. Genosyde then drags Solex over to his corner and tags in Ivy English.
Joe Hoffman: Genosyde has dominated this match from the opening bell and seems intent upon cutting off Solex from the rest of the ring. English hops over the top rope and slams his boot across the chest of Solex. Steve is going to feel that one in the morning, that’s for sure. English now pulling Solex off the floor and connects with a spinning back kick to the stomach. Genosyde now with a gut wrench slam that leaves Solex in the middle of the ring. Boettcher is now yelling at Genosyde to exit the ring.
English bounces off the ropes and connects with a front flip leg drop across the throat. Solex rolls around in pain while Byrd has his arm extended, looking for the tag, and encouraging Solex in the process. English circles around, putting his body in between Solex and Byrd as he takes the prone Solex and drives his knee into his back. English drags Solex off the mat, whips him into the ropes while English runs off the opposite ropes and connects with a leaping clothesline on Solex, both men crashing to the mat.
English rolls onto his knees, his eyes staring straight at Byrd with a huge smile on his face. He then makes his way up to his feet, shakes his shoulders, and connects with a standing moonsault on Solex, with Boettcher sliding into position for the pinfall count.
Joe Hoffman: And Solex just getting the kickout in the nick of time. If this was a basketball game, English and Genosyde are running up the score right now and it’s going to take a massive comeback from Byrd and Solex to just even the score, much less win it. English back up to his feet and he is bringing Solex up with him and Solex catches English with a jab to the stomach. English backs up, stunned from the shot, and runs full speed at Solex only for the wrestling master to connect with a belly-to-belly suplex that rocks the ring!
Solex rolls off English, trying to get his bearings straight as he begins to crawl over to his corner and manages to tag in Byrd. English is just making his way up to his feet but is unaware of the tag and is flattened by a clothesline from the massive, both in comparison and in actuality, Byrd. Byrd is yelling at English to get back up to his feet and seemingly on instinct, English does just that only to be met with a headbutt from Byrd, sending English crashing into the ropes. English bounces back towards Byrd only to be sent crashing to the mat with a big boot from the man from Plainview, Texas. Byrd roars at the crowd as he stomps around the ring, locking eyes with Genosyde in the process.
English rolls to his knees and is met with a stiff kick from Byrd for his troubles. Byrd then grabs English by the back of his pants and tosses him into the corner of his opponent, yelling at Genosyde to get his ass in the ring. Genosyde obliges the request as he storms into the ring and both men meet in the center of the ring, trading punches back and forth with one another.
Joe Hoffman: And we have got ourselves a fight, ladies, and gentlemen! These two hosses are trading blows like there is no tomorrow and for one of these teams, there really won’t be a tomorrow in the Maurako Cup! For the team from P:WA, this is it if they lose. If they win, who knows what will happen next, but if they lose, they’re heading back to P:WA. Byrd manages to get the upper hand on Genosyde and pushes him into the corner, drilling knee after knee into the body of the big man, but Genosyde just grabbed Byrd by the face and pushed him backwards! I’ve never seen such a thing on someone like Byrd!
Byrd tumbles backwards and as he rolls back onto his feet, Genosyde is rushing at him and slams his body into Byrd, sending both men into the corner. Byrd hangs onto the top rope as he slams his elbow into the chest of his opponent, but this only angers Genosyde who slams his head into the bridge of Byrd’s nose, causing blood to start trickling out of it.
At the sight of the blood, Byrd is enraged as he slams his forearm across the eyes and switches position with Genosyde, forcing his opponent into the corner, and starts wailing away with punch after punch until Genosyde is down to one knee. Blood flies everywhere from the maniac movements of Byrd. Clay backs up, yelling at Genosyde in the process, but is caught off guard when Genosyde rushes full speed at him and hits him with a shoulder tackle that sends both men crashing to the mat.
English yells at his partner to get going while Solex does the same. Both men slowly make their way up to their feet. Genosyde connects with a stiff punch to the face with Byrd following up with one of his own. Both men then go for a punch at the same time, connect, and fall backwards into their corner, allowing English and Solex to tag themselves in.
Both men rush into the ring with Solex catching English with a scissor kick to the face that sends English crashing out of the ring. Solex then bounces off the ropes as English makes his way up to his feet and connects with a suicide dive that sends both men crashing into the ringside barrier!
Joe Hoffman: This match looks like it’s about to devolve into a free-for-all as Solex and English are on the outside while being the legal men and Genosyde and Byrd are in the ring, dazed from their encounter. Solex making his way up to his feet and dragging English up with him. English catches him with an uppercut and then launches himself off the steel barrier into a dropkick on Solex. Pandemonium has unleashed here in the Target Center!
Byrd rolls out under the bottom rope and makes his way over to Ivy who is making his way up to his feet. English turns around and is met with a right paw from Byrd before Byrd wraps that same hand around the throat of English and chokeslams his across the barrier, sending English crashing into the fans. Solex then makes his way up to his feet, leaps over the barrier and crashes down on top of English with an elbow across the throat. Byrd turns around only to find Genosyde standing on the edge of the ring. Genosyde then leaps off the ring apron and crashes into Byrd, sending both men into the barrier and toppling it over onto English and Solex as well as some fans.
Solex crawls his way out of the carnage and proceeds to slam his boot against the back of Genosyde’s skull. Genosyde doesn’t take too kindly to this as he grabs Solex and tosses him into the ringside post back first.
Solex arches his back from the shot as Genosyde then torpedoes himself into Solex and sends both men crashing to the mat. English fights his way out of the carnage as he takes a chair a fan is sitting on and sets it down in front of Byrd. English then backs up, runs full speed at the chair, and catapults off it into a Shooting Star Press on Byrd! English rolls off Byrd as Genosyde comes over, rolls Byrd into the ring, and launches English over the top rope so that English lands on top of Byrd for the pinfall.
LEFT SHOULDER UP!
Joe Hoffman: Oh man, I thought Genosyde and English had it right there! I don’t think Byrd is the legal man, but Boettcher is just simply trying to restore some order to the match. Byrd somehow digs down deep and manages to keep his team in it for just a little bit longer though. Now Genosyde is grabbing Solex and Solex manages to catch him with a back elbow across the jaw. That stuns Genosyde, but now Ivy English is bouncing off the ropes and just soared over the top rope with a plancha only for Solex to catch him with an elbow to the face. That might be it for English!
Solex rolls English back into the ring and turns around only to be met with a Military Press from Genosyde, which sends Solex over the top rope and back into the ring. Byrd meanwhile is in his corner, trying to overcome the effects of his previous move. Genosyde rolls into the ring and Solex manages to catch him with a superkick to the jaw, which drops the big man to one knee. Solex rushes at Genosyde only for the monster to connect with a Pendulum STO, landing inches away from Byrd!
Joe Hoffman: INTENTIONAL HOMICYDE! Solex is DONE! But Genosyde is not the legal man!
Genosyde, being told the same thing by Boettcher, rushes over to the opposite side of the ring and drags English into the ring. This gives Byrd the opportunity to tag himself in though as he enters the ring and connects with a running clothesline on Genosyde, sending him crashing through the ropes and to the outside. Ivy English meanwhile is stumbling back up to his feet, turns around, and is met with a…
Joe Hoffman: TEXAS LARIAT FROM CLAY BYRD! ENGLISH’S HEAD IS BARELY ON HIS SHOULDERS AFTER THAT ONE!
With English on the ground, Clay goes for the cover.
DING DING DING
Bryan McVay: Your winner, at eighteen minutes and twenty-six seconds, the team of Clay Byrd and Steve Solex!
Joe Hoffman: What a back-and-forth match with so much carnage and destruction! It looked like Genosyde had won it for his team, but Byrd managed to snatch the victory away at the last minute and managed to put his team firmly in second place in the Group A standings in the Maurako Cup!
Byrd makes his way up to his feet, ginger from the punishment he’s taken, but helps Solex off the mat in the process. Meanwhile, English and Genosyde are on the outside of the ring, with Genosyde livid at the results.
Joe Hoffman: We might need security for Genosyde here in a moment because he looks like he’s ready to destroy the ringside area after that loss. It came down to a matter of inches and Genosyde looked amazing even in defeat, just a monster on a mission throughout the entirety of the match.
Boettcher walks over and raises both Solex’s and Byrd’s arms.
Joe Hoffman: What does this victory mean for Byrd and Solex? No idea, but I’m sure we will know before it’s all said and done. Let’s head backstage as I understand we have some AoA members standing by.
We then cut to the backstage area.
But...She Likes Nintendo(?)
The scene opens to the AoA locker room where Simon Sparrow, sporting his red and black checkered suit and a black derby atop his crowd is holding a rather thick stack of papers and as he is flipping through this, he is summarizing to the dapper Mario Maurako.
Simon Sparrow: ….which, if this ancestry report is accurate, which, according to the website it is by ninety-seven percent, Darin Zion’s great-great-great-great-granduncle was one of the first American male escorts diagnosed with mega-syphilis.
Suddenly, there is a knock on the door. Conor Fuse enters, sporting #97MarioRed Adidas track pants and a brand new HOW branded “NOBLE GAMING” t-shirt. He walks into the picture with a delightful smile, immediately strolling up to Simon, who has placed the Darin Zion family history report on a nearby chair, and gives him a hug. After the two pat each other a few times on the back, Fuse releases the hold and takes a step back. Then he walks over to Mario and does the same. As Mario hugs Conor, the Hall of Famers eye each other with a look like they can’t let the kid down, hence why they played along.
Conor Fuse: Hey guys, got a whole bunch of things to say. I am feeling soooo excited this week.
Simon raises an eyebrow.
Simon Sparrow: Did you even watch my match?
Fuse doesn’t want to be caught in a lie so he lowers his head and slightly shakes it no. Then yes after feeling bad.
Conor Fuse: Well, I know what the outcome will be between you and Darin Zion when it finally happens. I mean, Zion’s okay but Simon Sparrow is…
Fuse makes a kissing noise with his right hand.
Conor Fuse: Amen. Sorry Simon, I didn’t mean to be insensitive. I heard about what happened and the loss. You’ll fix things, I have no doubt.
The Champ allows for another moment to pass before he changes course after Sparrow indirectly gives him the space to do so with body language.
Conor Fuse: Okay, as you both know, David Noble and I are still alive in the Maurako Cup Tournament.
He says with a glance to Mario and then begins speaking like he’s Bryan McVay.
Conor Fuse: So here he is… my partner… just want to get you guys acquainted… one-half of Noble Gaming… David Noble!
Conor turns to the locker room entrance and holds out his hands, now playing the role of Vanna White. Noble appears, albeit much more cautiously than Conor is playing up. David clearly doesn’t know what’s going on, or he didn’t agree to this elaborate entrance.
David Noble: Uh, hi.
Fuse continues to hold his hands outwards, unable to drop them. He’s spellbound at the site of his cool tag team partner.
Finally, recognizing how uncomfortable Noble is and the fool he’s making of himself… the World Champion drops his arms and the act entirely.
Conor Fuse: Fine. David, meet Simon and Mario. Mario and Simon, meet David.
Simon Sparrow grabs David Noble by the arms and forcefully pulls him forward and proceeds to kiss David Noble on the left cheek and then on the right.
Simon Sparrow: Any friend of Conor’s is a cousin of mine….unless you’re a fan of disrespectful little turds like the Lickspittle, Darin Zion.
The Professor of Sparrowdynamics places a hand on David Noble’s shoulder.
Simon Sparrow: And when I say you’re like a cousin to me, I mean a cool cousin. Not a weird one like my cousin Gertie, she’s a hoarder that eats paste and collects bellybutton lint and puts it into a giant ball and calls it “Fluffy”. She really needs to get out…would you like her number?
Conor just stares happily at everyone in the room.
Conor Fuse: Isn’t it cool to meet new friends?
Fuse hugs Noble, similar to how he greeted his AoA teammates moments before.
Simon Sparrow (to David Noble): Tell you what, give me your number and I’ll text you her number. Wait, are you vegan? She only dates vegan dudes.
David looks over at Conor, ready to put an end to the whole thing.
Conor Fuse: Okay, next up. Simon, great battle with Bobbi. See? I did watch. I know she won but you had your distractions. You’ll get Zion. Hell, you’ll beat Bobbi down the road again but man, she’s a cool chick, huh?
Mario and Simon show immediate concerns on their faces. Mario’s is one of absolute disgust.
Simon Sparrow: You, uh, like her?
Fuse becomes a little defensive.
Conor Fuse: I mean, not like-like, like that. She’s really nice, that’s all.
Noble chimes in, adding context to the situation since he can see Simon and Mario are beside themselves.
David Noble: I saw them say hello to one another for three seconds a couple of weeks ago. She puts off bad vibes if you ask me.
Simon Sparrow: Her allegiance to Darkwing is a red flag. Along with her diabolically evil and manipulative ways.
Mario walks over and places a hand around Conor’s shoulders.
Mario Maurako: She’s a terrible person.
Conor is trying to understand and yet he seems confused. Fuse’s face is perplexed.
Conor Fuse: But she likes Nintendo?
Mario shakes his head.
Mario Maurako: She doesn’t like Nintendo, she’s just telling you this.
Fuse is listening. He’s trying to make sense of things.
Conor Fuse: Why would she do that?
Simon Sparrow: Because you are the HOW Champion, that’s why! Bobbinette Carey uses people to get what she wants! She is driven by her clinging need for attention. She will do and say anything, including but not limited to acting all friendly, as long as it benefits her. She’s like a masculine Darin Zion.
Mario releases his arm from around the champion. The Ultimate Gamer takes a step back and looks at his teammates. He nods, the last thing he would want to do is question them or make this a future conflict. There’s a reason Conor has aligned with the AoA and them with him, and everyone with each other. Fuse will always trust the group moving forward. After all, they helped him with the World Title.
Conor Fuse: Ah shit, that sucks. I believe you guys… why wouldn’t I?
Conor lowers his head but Simon, who has picked up the ancestry report and turned to a random page, tries to raise everyone’s spirits.
Simon Sparrow: Another fun fact about the Darin Zion family tree….his great-great-grandfather was an outlaw in the Wild West known as Elmer the Necrophiliac and was wanted for “Graverobbing and Defiling the Dead”.
Simon Sparrow looks over at Conor Fuse who seems too deep in thought, David Noble eyeing the door, and Mario Maurako who is blankly nodding as the scene ends and we cut elsewhere.
Backstage we see Chet and Tanner sitting at a table in catering, their plates piled high with food as they down wings, hot dogs, burgers… every possible carb they can find.
Chet: So pumped Scotty took the week off, I thought for sure he’s have us doing suicides all night for losing another match bro.
Tanner: My hammys can’t take any more suicides, I barely had any time for the post show slams.
Chet: That was some weak hip we threw, but we power through it like champs and finished.
Tanner: I finished twice bro, all over her…
Suddenly their short attention spans are broken by the sight of Eli Dresden walking past, pointedly ignoring the pair.
Chet: We still need to score this slam bro!
Tanner: She has resisted everything though bro, all the best lines… and nothing.
Chet: You think she… plays for the other team?
Tanner: The Bruins?
Chet: No… like… the OTHER team?
Tanner: Oh! That could be it bro. But you know how many slams I’ve scored who’ve said they like the mit, but then loved the stick?
Chet: True bro… we can so turn this one around too.
Tanner: So Eli, ready to go two on one with us tonight?
Eli finally breaks down and turns to the two bros with a look of utter disgust on her face.
Eli: Jesus Christ, what is it with people being too fucking stupid to understand the shortest complete sentence in the English language?! No. Hell no. Fuck no. Now fuck off and leave me alone, kay? Kay. Good talk.
Eli attempts to shove her way past Two Man Advantage… but they refuse to get out of her way.
Chet: So is that a maybe?
Tanner: We can pencil you in for ten after the show ends.
Eli lets out a frustrated sound.
Eli: Jesus fuckmothering Christ, I. Said. NO.
Chet: But you can spell the words turned on with the word no
Tanner: I once spelled the word yes all over a slam with my….
Tanner falls to the side as a steel chair hits him from behind. It is none other than Bobbinette Carey with a chair in hand.
Bobbinette: Scott left you two idiots here and you’re not going to accost her. Not when we are there days away from National Women’s Month!
She swings the chair and nails Chet this time. She offers the chair to Eli as a peace offering.
Bobbinette: You want a turn?
The glare that Eli fixes on Bobinette might just be capable of murder..
Eli: Go to Hell, you sanctimonious cunt.
And with that, Eli stalks out of the frame–clearly not happy at how Bobbinette felt the need to play savior like she couldn’t handle her own business.
Bobbinette: This wasn’t about you! I was wanting to send a message to Scott!
She yells as Eli leaves and she starts hitting them both with the chair going back and forth. Suddenly the TV in catering changes from the HOTv feed to show the man who “had the night off” The Hardcore Artist, Scottywood.
Scottywood: Hey… Bobbinette… over here!
Bobbinette hears the sound and looks over at a tv backstage seeing Scottywood. She screams at the screen.
Bobbinette: I am sending you a message and you’re ruining it!!
She stomps her feet throwing the chair back at Chet and Tanner.
Scottywood: A message? What? That you can beat up two beat up two noobs with a steel chair? Well then received loud and clear Bob. Congrats on that one. But while you’re kicking the shit out of my shit heads, I’ve found someone more interesting to play with tonight.
Bobbinette notices the background of where Scottywood is. It’s her neighborhood, Parma, Ohio. Her eyes wide as she goes pale.
Bobbinette: what the hell are you doing Scott? Don’t do anything stupid that you can’t take back I’m warning you!
She screams at the screen
Scottywood: Stuipd? Stuipd was publishing your fucking love stories for the world to see. A world that includes me Bobbinette. You have forgotten who the fuck I am… and I am here to remind you just that. Remind you the kind of man who is about to take your fucking eye at March to Glory!
The camera pans over and we see the sick smile on Scotty’s face grow as we see Marc tied to a chair and gagged with what seems to be a ball gag. Bobbinette’s eyes widen as her face turns red
Scottywood: I didn’t even need to bring anything Bobbinette, found all your S&M shit at the house… FREAK!
Bobbinette: Scott… scooter. You don’t want to do this. You… this… just let him go.
She says trying not to freak out at the screen. She looks nervously seeing him.
Scottywood: Don’t fucking tell me what I wanna do! I wanna take his fucking eye right now… so you two can share that after I take yours. You still have no fucking idea what you took from me! You think it’s all a fucking joke. Well are you laughing now? Do you find this fucking funny?
Bobbinette: Leave him out of it! He isn’t a part of this, leave him out. Come on! Scooter this isn’t funny. Please!
Scottywood: You didn’t leave my love out of it! You took my love… and now I have taken yours!
The camera feed suddenly cuts out… and goes back to the HOTv feed which is just Carey staging at the TV, frozen in shock at what she has just witnessed as we cut out to commercial.
Back live and the camera cuts to the ashen remains of a building, caution tape surrounding the area amidst rubble and burned out wood. In the center of the wreckage stands Michael Lee Best, live from Chicago. This is the city where his career truly began, and in just a few weeks, it’s the city where his career will end. No funny advertisements or merchandise tonight– he wears a pair of jeans and a nondescript black hoodie, seemingly unaffected by the cold.
Some of the structure is still standing, but well beyond the point of repairable. The building is dead. So is the legacy behind it.
Mike Best: I have nothing left.
His eyes follow the wreckage, looking around at the destroyed remains of SixTime Academy. Over a decade of time, energy, money, blood, sweat and tears were poured into this place, and now it’s just… gone.
Mike Best: Congratulations, Clay. You did it. You took everything from me. Everything I built in HOW… every title, every trophy, every dollar that I ever made lived inside of this building. Burnt to a crisp, smoldered away in the afterglow of a psychotic cowboy with a chip on his shoulder. Bring down the Mission Accomplished banner and start the parade, because you did it. You beat me.
He shuffles his foot, kicking over some debris. Something that vaguely resembles the remains of a ring skirt is unveiled from below, the last remnants of the word “TIME” surrounded by blackened cloth.
Mike Best: I’ve bled a thousand times in my career. I’ve lived through stitches, fractures, and breaks. I’ve been humiliated and beaten down. I’ve seen my friends and family assaulted and accosted in the name of getting to me, but in the dozen odd years I’ve been in High Octane Wrestling, no one has ever gotten to me. I’ve lost dozens of matches, but no one has ever truly beaten me. You beat me, Clay. You hit me where it hurts, in a way that I will never entirely recover from.
His face is cold and empty– despite the meaning behind the words, there is very little emotion in his voice. He seems lost.
Mike Best: And you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake.
He rolls the sleeves of the hoodie up to his shoulders, taking a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. Michael pops one out of the pack and puts it in his mouth, lighting a smoke in the center of a temple that’s already seen too many flames.
Mike Best: See, you were in the right. You were right to attack me. Right to challenge me. I broke your arm, Clay. I cost you a rightfully earned shot at the HOW World Championship. You had every right to do what you did. But now? After this? Clay… I broke your arm.
He looks down at his own arm, rubbing the inside of his forearm with his other hand.
Mike Best: You ruined my life.
The harsh drag of a cigarette crackles over the camera’s microphone.
Mike Best: You literally went scorched earth. You played with fire, and now you’re gonna get burned. At March to Glory, there will be no more games. No more waiting. And most importantly… no escape. Because you and I?We’re fighting in a steel cage. Big, thick bars like your yee haw Daddy used to have around his rings in Dogfuck Who Cares Wrestling Federation. Pinfalls only, anyone interferes and they’re fired. Oh, and Clay… just for you?
His expression is flat, but the hint of a smirk peeks through one one side of his face.
Mike Best: You win by a count of SIX.
Michael leans in toward the camera, stubbing his cigarette out at his feet.
Mike Best: At March to Glory, I’m gonna show you what lies beneath this little sarcastic, trash talking facade. I’m going to show you that I remain the fucking KING of the High Octane Jungle. I am going to trap you inside of a steel cage with an ANIMAL, and there will be absolutely NO ESCAPE. I’m gonna fight you like there’s no tomorrow, Clay.
Mike Best: Because for me, there won’t be.
The shot fades away with a zoom out of the burned down Academy. Michael stands in the center, looking at his destroyed empire as Refueled cuts to an unscheduled and quick commercial break.
Stronk Godson vs. JJR
Back live from our last commercial break and “Juicy” by the Notorious B.I.G. blares through the public address system.
Bryan McVay: Ladies and gentlemen, our main event will be one fall and it will be for the High Octane Television Title!
as the lights go down and the crowd’s attention turns toward the entranceway.
Shelley Greene walks out onto the stage, dressed in a cheap magenta colored suit and carrying a microphone. He strolls down to the ring, grinning from ear to ear, stopping occasionally to gyrate to the sounds of Biggie Smalls.
Greene delicately enters the ring (stepping between the bottom and middle ropes, for some reason…), and takes the microphone from McVay as the music cuts out.
Greene: Ladies and gentlemen… boys and girls… invalids, outcasts, degenerates… allow me to introduce to you… The Sherman Tank! The Minnesota Hay Bale! The STRONKEST Man Alive OR To Have Ever Lived! He… is… STROOOOOONK… GODSOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN!
With that, “Juicy” hits, playing from the top—and the 5’9”, 300 pound human fire hydrant known simply as STRONK GODSON emerges onto the stage, bathed in a lone spotlight.
Joe Hoffman: We got a look last week at this new wrestler, coming to HOW from the bodybuilding world…
STRONK ambles to the ring, ignoring the fans. He is still chewing something that he was eating while in catering. Shelley applauds, looking like the proud owner of a champion race horse being paraded around the grounds for all to see.
Joe Hoffman: …but tonight, we’ll get to see Stronk Godson in action for the first time.
Once STRONK is in the ring, he grabs his custom printed “STRONK AF” tank top and effortlessly rips it from his body with one hand. He drapes it over Greene’s shoulder (who then sneakily and creepily takes a whiff of it when GODSON isn’t looking).
Joe Hoffman: Well, I don’t know how good of a wrestling Stronk Godson is, but he is definitely a beast. This could turn out to be a fun Hoss fight.
McVay rips the microphone out of Greene’s hand so he can finish with the main event introductions.
“Goldberg Variations” by Johann Sebastian Bach plays over the speakers as four security guards step out onto the stage.
Bryan McVay: And his opponent… weighing in tonight at 230 pounds and hailing from Gainesville, Florida. He is the reigning HOTv champion… JEFFREY! JAMES! ROBERTS!
They form a square as Jeffrey James Roberts steps out and stands in the middle. His hands are out front, tied with plastic ziptie cuffs, and he walks toward the ring, keeping his eyes focused on it.
Joe Hoffman: Jeffrey James Roberts has held a stranglehold on the HOTv title since he won it the belt from Brian Hollywood in October of 2021. He has since beaten a string of challengers since and shows no sign of letting the title go anytime soon.
The guards keep a perimeter to make sure he can’t reach any fans and they walk with him all the way to ringside.
Joe Hoffman: Joel Hortega will be the referee for our main event and he may have his hands full with both men in the ring here.
The guard in front unlocks the cuffs, then steps back to allow Roberts to climb into the ring. He does so, then leans back against one corner, his eyes closed, head back, swaying slightly to the music.
Hortega takes care of the pre-match chores and signals the timekeeper’s table to start the match.
Joe Hoffman: Hortega calls for the bell and this match is underway.
Godson walks slowly across the ring. Roberts walks out and meets him. There’s an almighty collision in the center of the ring. Godson gets the better of the exchange and sends Roberts to the corner- Roberts bounces off the turnbuckle and shoves Godson back.
Joe Hoffman: No doubt. Stronk Godson is strong as hell. But it’s going to take more than strength to defeat a dominant champion in Jeffrey James Roberts.
They tie up again. Godson gets the advantage so Roberts breaks. They circle. They tie up again. They go around in circles… again. Godson maneuvers Roberts into a corner. Roberts calmly grabs the ropes. Hortega immediately calls for a break. But Godson doesn’t respond and charges Roberts- running shoulder block. Roberts hits the turnbuckle hard. Godson with a cover. Roberts kicks out.
Joe Hoffman: This is going to be interesting. Roberts is giving up a lot of weight to our newcomer here tonight. Can Godson parlay that into a victory against the HOTv champion?
Godson headlocks. Roberts powers out but Godson still holds. Takeover by Godson. Roberts moves around and rolls him up
Godson kicks out and fights up to his feet. Roberts slaps a hammerlock on Godson.
Joe Hoffman: I think Roberts knows that he’s going to have to take his time against the much bigger and muscular opponent.
Godson switches and hammerlocks Roberts. Roberts tries to switch back. Godson spins through to keep the hammerlock. Head butt, Godson sweeps the legs out from under Roberts and covers.
Godson with a wild swing- Roberts goes full Keanu Reeves in the Matrix but Godson recovers for a quick crucifix takedown.
DOS… Roberts kicks out
Joe Hoffman: We have not seen this before. JJR is actually having some trouble dealing with Godson’s strength at the moment.
Godson has the headlock back. But Roberts slips out and runs the ropes. He hurdles and comes off the opposite ropes. Godson evades and grabs Roberts from behind… BACKDROP DRIVER! Godson goes for the cover. Roberts rolls clear. Off the ropes… Roberts hits a slingshot leg drop. He covers…
D- Godson literally bench presses Roberts and throws him to the side. Roberts waits… Godson rises… *SMACK* SUPERKICK BY ROBERTS!
Joe Hoffman: That one hurt Godson.
Roberts in… waistlock. German Suplex and Godson crashes to the mat. Roberts off the ropes again… slingshot knee drop to the gut sucks out some of the air from Godson. Roberts hooks the leg.
DOS… Godson again powers out.
Joe Hoffman: No. Again Godson is too strong and he shoves Roberts aside again.
Roberts tries to get an armbar. Godson spins him around… BACKDROP DRIVER AGAIN!
Joe Hoffman: And that’s the second time Godson has planted JJR with that Backdrop Driver. In his bio, it says the Backdrop Driver is a personal favorite of his because… and I quote- he loves dumping people on the back of their heads.
In fact, Godson likes the Backdrop Driver so much, he does it a third time. Roberts rolls back and forth and holds his head. Godson places both hands on the sides of Roberts’ head and tries to pop it like a pimple.
Joe Hoffman: Godson has Roberts down and he is putting exceptional pressure on his head.
Godson smiles. He’s enjoying this.
Roberts on the other hand, is not. He works to pry Godson’s hands off the sides of his head.
Joe Hoffman: Roberts’ face is turning red!
Godson goes to force Roberts up to his feet. Roberts suddenly grabs Godson’s arm and sinks his teeth into the flesh. Godson shouts out. His feet start stomping up and down.
He tries to hold on but he can’t and releases the hold. Roberts shoves Godson with two hands into the corner. He charges in and smashes Godson back against the turnbuckle. Roberts drives his elbow into Godson’s face. Then he drops the elbow into Godson’s right shoulder. And another… and a third…
Hortega steps in and starts a five count of his own.
Roberts steps back just as Hortega shouts ‘cinco.’ Godson holds himself up with the aid of the ropes.
Joe Hoffman: Roberts is trying to take away one of Godson’s arms… one of his potent weapons… by focusing on the shoulder joint.
Hortega admonishes Roberts in Spanish. Roberts dismisses him, spins around, and drives his shoulder into Godson’s rock-solid gut. And again…
Hortega again starts a count.
Roberts steps back and holds up his hands. Godson’s bent over now and stumbles forward. Fireman’s carry… HE DROPS GODSON HEAD FIRST INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!
Joe Hoffman: That’s one way to slow the big man down.
Roberts stomps Godson down to the mat and drives the boot into Godson over and over. Hortega again starts another five count.
Finally Roberts pulls away and steps back. Hortega gets in his face while Godson grabs on to the ropes and uses his immense strength to pull himself up.
Joe Hoffman: JJR is now trying to weaken Godson’s vertical base by stomping away at the joint in his knee.
Godson finally gets to his feet. Roberts shoves Hortega aside and starts in with the chops.
Joe Hoffman: Crisp superkick by JJR and THAT hurt Godson too!
Godson tumbles to the floor and fans lose their minds! Roberts goes out, drags Godson up and slams him headfirst into the ringpost. Godson tries to stagger away- Roberts grabs him by the back of the head and drives it into the steel post a second time. Godson down. Roberts stomps Godson over and over.
Hortega at the ropes and starts a ten count.
Roberts drags Godson up and drapes him over the steel ring steps. He rolls in the ring to stop the count and climbs up to the top turnbuckle. GUILLOTINE LEG DROP OFF THE TOP ROPE. Godson topples over and off the steps to the floor and the HOW fans are up to their feet and absolutely loving this.
Joe Hoffman: I think Jeffrey James Roberts may have got caught by surprise at the beginning by Godson and he may have underestimated his strength. He finally had enough and just snapped. He’s methodically dismantling the HOW newcomer piece by piece and they may need to stop this one.
Except for the fact that Roberts is also down on the floor with Godson after the drop off the top rope- the move taking a lot out of them both.
Hortega starts another ten count.
Godson stirs but Roberts beats him to his feet and drags him up again. Roberts blasts Godson with a right to the jaw and whips him hard into the railing.
Hortega at cinco now.
Roberts drags Godson back to the ring and throws him in. Then JJR climbs through the ropes and steps on Godson.
Joe Hoffman: Godson is bent against the second rope crossbar and that’s not a place he wants to be for long.
Roberts lets off as soon as Hortega starts a count. Godson flops to the mat. Roberts drags the big man up again and puts Godson up against the corner. Now Roberts smiles and he unleashes another chop to the chest. Roberts stands Godson back up and chops him again! He puts Godson’s head between his legs, lifts, and quickly slams him down to the mat with a snap powerbomb. He rolls up Godson’s leg.
Joe Hoffman: GODSON SOMEHOW KICKED OUT OF THAT!
Roberts drags to the corner and again goes to work on the knee. He stomps again at the knee joint. And again.
Stronk desperately hooks his arm around the ropes.
Hortega starts a five count.
And Roberts steps back JUST in time. He doesn’t wait for Hortega to admonish him again. He pulls Godson up to send him across the ring- Godson blocks the whip by holding on to the ropes. Roberts rocks Godson with a right hand. Then he whips Godson corner to corner as hard as he can. Godson ricochets out of the corner- his knee balking a little- and Roberts whips Godson corner to corner again. Godson hits the buckles hard and slumps down. Roberts drags Godson up another whip- Godson reverses and sends Roberts face first into the buckles.
Joe Hoffman: Unbelievable. After everything that Roberts did to him over the past five minutes, Stronk Godson somehow had enough strength left over to reverse and fling Roberts into the turnbuckle.
Godson tries to gather himself. Roberts is moving slow after hitting the turnbuckle face first with great force. Chop block to the leg by Godson and the fans are back on their feet. Godson grabs Roberts’ leg and yanks it back!
Joe Hoffman: After several minutes of Roberts working his knee, Godson is now going to give him a little taste of the same medicine.
Roberts writhes and clutches his leg, then drags himself to a corner. Godson storms over, hoists Roberts up top and goes to stretch him with the Argentine Backbreaker. Roberts fights out. Godson backs up and charges in- RUNNING SHOULDER BLOCK.
Joe Hoffman: And now the tide has turned again. Roberts gets crushed between the three-hundred-pound Godson and the unyielding corner turnbuckle.
Godson then drags Roberts into a Tree of Woe and then bends Roberts’ leg back… way, way, way back- like he’s trying to split a wishbone.
Joe Hoffman: Godson is trying to pay Roberts back by tearing his leg off.
Hortega starts a five count. Godson leans into it further but finally lets off at four. Roberts’s still stuck in the Tree though so he goes over and pulls the leg back again. Roberts screams out in pain. Godson gets in a couple cheap shots for good measure. Finally, Roberts BLASTS Godson with a head butt and causes him to release the leg.
Joe Hoffman: Desperation move by the HOTv champion.
Roberts gets himself off the ropes and crawls over the the fans lose their minds, and manages to make the cover.
T- GODSON KICKS OUT.
Joe Hoffman: Godson survives and Roberts has swung the match back in his favor.
Roberts tucks in Godson’s bad leg and hooks his arm in. He spins around for the Cloverleaf submission- Godson knees free with his good leg. Both men limp back to their respective corners. Crowd on their feet and they are making lots of noise.
Roberts limps in, Godson dodges and his bad knee hits the turnbuckle! Godson drags Roberts up… Backdrop Driver-NO! BLOCKED. Roberts gets his feet down and lifts Godson up… MASK OF SANITY!
Joe Hoffman: Stronk Godson went to the Backdrop Driver well one too many times. Roberts blocked the driver and then spiked Godson with his Brainbuster driver!
Godson lays prone on the mat. Roberts tries to get up the turnbuckle to the top.
Joe Hoffman: Roberts going for the finisher. But can he get up the turnbuckle?
He does… barely.
Roberts balances himself and goes… he hits Shooting Star Press from the top. Roberts’ knee lands on Godson’s throat.
Joe Hoffman: SHOOTING STAR GUILLOTINE!
Hortega’s there for the count.
Joe Hoffman: And Jeffrey James Roberts retains the HOTv title again.
Bryan McVay steps into the ring to makes it official.
Bryan McVay: Your winner at eighteen minutes and fifty-eight seconds… and STILL HIGH OCTANE TELEVISION CHAMPION! JEFFREY! JAMES! ROBERTS!
Hortega presents JJR with the HOTv title belt.
Joe Hoffman: Both men will feel the after effects of this hard hitting, bruising war tomorrow morning but the bottom line is: Jeffrey James Roberts has successfully defended the HOTv title once again in his tenth title defense.
As Hortega hands Roberts the title belt, guards enter the ring and straps the belt around his waist.
As JJR smirks and pats the HOTv Championship around his waist, there is a sudden buzz of confusion from the crowd as a man jumps the guardrail at ringside. Jeffrey James Roberts doesn’t see him, but the hoodie is bright purple, and he’s wearing the PWA World Championship over his shoulder.
Joe Hoffman: That’s Ivy English. What’s he doing?!
The World Champion of Pro Wrestling: Assault slides into the ring behind JJR, with the EPU bizarrely not stepping in to stop it from happening. He climbs to his feet, and slowly the HOTv Champion turns around to see what’s going on. The slightest hint of a smirk comes over the face of Jeffrey James Roberts, as he realizes that he’s about to be jumped by a glorified bingo hall champion.
Joe Hoffman: James Cornfield told Ivy to send a message, and after costing his team yet another tag team match earlier tonight, Ivy English might be desperate. But this? This is not smart.
Ivy grits his teeth, swinging for the fences with the PWA World Championship. JJR sees it coming from a mile away, though, and easily ducks the swing. He boots Ivy in the stomach, laying him out in the center of the ring with a vicious DDT and sending the belt flying helplessly to the canvas beneath him.
Roberts nearly laughs, turning to walk away with his championship. But then… something stops him in his tracks. He turns around, standing over Ivy English, his eyes going cold and glassy. He grabs Ivy aggressively by the dreadlocks, picking him up to his feet and laying him out with another DDT.
And then another DDT.
And then another DDT.
Joe Hoffman: For the love of God, someone stop this! Why isn’t anyone stopping this? !
The EPU is still just… standing by. Watching the assault from outside of the ring, they are mere observers as JJR lifts Ivy English up one more time, but this time, he doesn’t plant him on the canvas. Instead, he grabs him firmly by the shoulder…
…and snaps his arms in the wrong direction.
The break can be heard almost echoing throughout the arena, as a scream escapes from the depths of Ivy English’s sternum. He howls out in pain, laying on the mat and holding his arm with the championship lying limply next to him.
Joe Hoffman: Don’t just stand around! Get a medic! The EPU needs to stop this! SOMEONE needs to stop this, before he kills Ivy English!
Suddenly, the cavalry arrives, as James Cornfield and GenoSyde begin making their way out from the back. Cornfield looks disappointed, but not exactly surprised, as he surveys the damage in the ring. GenoSyde’s eyes are locked onto the back of JJR’s head– the HOTv Champion doesn’t see it, as he’s still staring at the mess he’s made of Ivy English.
The steel chair collides with the back of GenoSyde, as James Cornfield recoils in shock and nearly falls over himself. Arthur Pleasant swung for the fences… but GenoSyde doesn’t fall over. He slowly turns around, and Pleasants swings the chair again…
…and GenoSyde yanks it away from him.
Joe Hoffman: Oh Jesus Christ, no.
Violently grabbing Pleasant by the hair, GenoSyde kicks him once in the gut, before eyeing the stage next to him. He growls, and then throws Pleasant about as hard as he can, literally yeeting him off the entrance stage and into the pile of dangerous production equipment below. A horrible crashing sound is heard as Pleasant collapses into a heap, but GenoSyde isn’t concerned.
He’s back to staring at JJR.
Joe Hoffman: No EPU? No security? No referees? Why is Michael Oliver Best just… letting this happen?
The beast makes his way down to the ring, with Cornfield at his flank. He steps up onto the apron, climbing over the ropes as he stares at Jeffrey James Roberts. The HOTv Champion is staring back, his eyes cold and calculated. Rage burns in the back of his skull, having realized what just happened to his tag team partner.
Joe Hoffman: This is… this is about to get really bad.
Both men grit their teeth, looking as though they may come to blows. However, James Cornfield steps between the two monsters… he’s not interested in seeing a fight here tonight. Instead, he reaches down toward Ivy English…
…but he doesn’t check on him at all.
Cornfield picks up the PWA World Championship, ignoring Ivy English and his broken arm entirely. He looks up at GenoSyde, handing him the PWA Title. The behemoth of a man looks briefly at the championship, before holding it up into the air– his eyes lock onto the eyes of Roberts, who holds the HOTv Championship into the air, neither man breaking eye contact.
James Cornfield smiles, dollar signs in his eyes.
Refueled comes to an end as the crowd is buzzing at the sight of the men squaring off while their tag team partners are both laid out.
Maurako Cup Finals for the Tag Team Championships
??? vs. ???
Interfed HOTv Championship Match
PW:A: GenoSyde vs. HOW: Jeffrey James Roberts©
Steel Cage Match
Clay Byrd vs. Michael Lee Best
Bobbinette Carey vs. Scottywood