Event Date: August 14, 2021
- 1. Daytona vs. Xander Azula
- 2. Professionalism
- 3. I PROMISE
- 4. Peekaboo motherfucker
- 5. Doozer vs. Kevin Capone
- 6. Welcome
- 7. You're Welcome
- 8. Friends
- 9. Fuse and Palmer vs. Sutler and Sektor
- 10. Unscripted Violence
- 11. The Magic Stool Bus
- 12. Eli Dresden vs. Jace Parker Davidson
- 13. Farthington vs. Cancer Jiles
Daytona vs. Xander Azula
The HOTv logo gives way and we cut live inside sold out Fiserv Forum here in Milwaukee Wisconsin. The cameras cut immediately to the center of the ring where the High Octane World Champion, Sutler Reynolds-Kael, is standing reading to introduce the wrestlers in our opening match of this 71st edition of Refueled live on High Octane Television.
As the camera zooms in on the World Champion a quick graphic is shown on the screen highlighting the news that broke today over on HOWrestling.com that announced that Lee Best was putting SRK to extra work tonight as the Champ will not only be ring announcing every match but also will be the timekeeper AND will be wrestling later on as well.
As the graphic fades away, SRK gets his cue and he begins tonight’s broadcast.
He clears his throat one final time and we are off and running…
SRK: Get this, from Daytona, Florida.. DAYTONA! Wow… that’s.. That’s something.
Kesha’s Woman begins to blare around the venue as a soft sound of afterburners is heard as a backdrop. The backstage lights backlight the figure of a person. Moving out to the stage area, a helmeted person in a bomber jacket and tights stands there before their hands slowly move upward. Slowly, the helmet is lit up with the name Daytona on a checkered background as the hands pull it away to reveal long golden hair that floats on air blown from under the stage. Daytona smiles as she hands off her helmet then moves down the aisle to the ring. As she moves, her hand pulls the zipper of the jacket downwards revealing a tight halter that matches the tights. Once at the ring, she leaps on the apron and pulls herself up to lean against the ropes to mock the fans before ducking through the ropes and into the ring to stretch and prepare for the match.
Joe Hoffman: Well welcome everyone to Refueled where are special Ring Announce tonight did NOT exert himself with that intro. Nevertheless, Daytona comes to us after serving our country in the United States Navy as a pilot, and I would like to take this moment to thank her for her service.
Benny Newell: For one, I actually agree with you on that one–Daytona deserves to be thanked for her service. For two, since she’s a veteran that’s gotta be as tough as nails, and GOD knows how many seaman she has helped with those pre–
Joe Hoffman: AHEM!!!……….I would never count anyone out in any match, and this is no exception. There is no denying, though, that Xander’s in for one Hell of a challenge–
Benny Newell: And another loss to a hot blond. Don’t hate it.
SRK: From Long Beach, California.. LONG BEACH!.. oops, I mean XANDER AZULA!
The whistling intro of “Engel” plays over the PA system, setting the crowd off in a chorus of boos as Xander Azula and his Eternal Circle disciples step out onto the stage, surveying the crowd with a gleeful grin. The crowd show their disdain for Xander Azula and his crew, who simply laugh at the ignorance they see as they head toward the ring. Legion directs his disciples to circle around the ring, and they all hop onto the apron with wicked smiles on their faces. They enter the ring (either to intimidate Xander Azula’s opponent or to wait for the opponent), before Xander Azula directs his crew to leave the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Xander Azula looks like he’s out for blood tonight–
Benny Newell: Maybe he should cut himself, then, cuz he ain’t getting it from Daytona!
Joe Hoffman: You are just immediately on Daytona’s bandwagon, aren’t you?
Benny Newell: And you’re NOT?! I thought you were a patriot, Joe!
Daytona, for her part, doesn’t look intimidated by the display Xander put on with his cultists, something that earns a smirk from Azula. Referee Joel Hortega looks back and forth between the pair of competitors before motioning for the bell.
DING DING DING!
The difference in styles is obvious from the outset, when Xander reels back to blast Daytona’s head off with a lariat, but she ducks and charges the ropes. Xander barely has time to turn around to catch Daytona as she flies into him with a springboard crossbody. He staggers as he catches her, which gives Daytona time to kick her legs until she gets enough freedom to pull her lower body free. She whips herself up and around, getting the momentum to pull Xander down with a DDT.
Joe Hoffman: It’s clear that Daytona has done her homework here. In order to overcome the glaring size and strength disadvantage she’s got in this match, she’s got to hit Azula hard and she’s got to do it fast.
Benny Newell: She was a former combat pilot, Joe–of COURSE she knows how to do that, and that’s something I can drink to!
Joe Hoffman: Just about anything is something you can drink to–
Benny Newell: DRINK!
The DDT doesn’t keep Xander down long, giving him time to roll up to his feet as Daytona runs the ropes for momentum a second time, clearly looking to launch herself again, but Xander catches her with the lariat he wanted to start with, turning her over in the air so she lands on her chest and face. Xander grabs her by the waist, clearly looking to end things early with the Faithbreaker, but as he lifts, Daytona folds her body and pulls Xander down in a Victory Roll! Hortega rushes over to count.
Xander kicks out, but it was close.
Joe Hoffman: Daytona almost stole it there, and Xander’s not happy.
Benny Newell: She wouldn’t have stolen shit and we both know it. It’s not her fault he’s so Lee-damned dumb to get caught like that!
The shock on Xander’s face was visible from the nosebleeds, but it melts quickly into anger. He charges again, but Daytona dodges again, running to the ropes and jumping on the middle rope, but as she leaps, Xander jumps as well, so as Daytona flies at him, her moonsault is interrupted by a brutal dropkick! Daytona’s body folds again, but in pain this time as she lands awkwardly on the canvas. Xander goes for a cover this time.
Daytona kicks out.
Joe Hoffman: Pissing off Xander Azula is never a smart idea, and it looks like Daytona’s learning that lesson the hard way!
Benny Newell: She can kill a man with her bare hands, Joe. I’m not worried!
Joe Hoffman: Be that as it may, Xander is probably capable of the same thing–
Benny Newell: Not without a dagger, all the candles from the dollar store, and whatever else it is that cultists use for their ceremonies these days!
Xander stretches his neck a little, trying to keep his composure. Instead of picking Daytona up, this time he just lifts her torso enough to wrap his arm around her neck in a grounded headlock. She’s not in danger of getting counted down, as Xander’s shoulder is under hers, but the grip is tight and it doesn’t take long for her to start turning red. Referee Hortega is on Xander like a hawk, making sure he’s not choking her. She starts to slow down in her struggling, prompting Hortega to lift her arm up to make sure she’s responsive.
He drops her arm once, it drops.
He drops her arm twice, it drops.
He drops her arm thrice, it drops, but stops just before hitting the mat!
Joe Hoffman: What a show of resilience from Daytona! She’s putting on one Hell of a performance so far, Benny, proving that she can hang here in HOW!
Benny Newell: Tch! A five year old could put up a–
Joe Hoffman: Gee, the way you’re talking, it sounds like YOU could put up a fight against Xander Azula. Maybe I should talk to Lee about that.
Benny Newell: O-Of course I could! I just, ah, won’t because I don’t wanna completely destroy that crazy bastard’s reputation so that my good buddy Jatt can finish him off at Bottom Line! Yeah!
Xander’s eyes widen and he tries to tighten his grip as Daytona flails and struggles, pulling on his arms as though her life depends on it. Xander shifts his weight a bit, trying to get a better position, but Daytona finds an opening and slips out of his grip before he can. As Xander is standing up, Daytona jumps and drops her leg across his neck, driving him down to the mat. She quickly rushes out to the apron, high on a second wind, and grips the top rope tightly, and as Xander staggers up, she leaps. Xander catches her as she lands in DDT position, but he doesn’t lock her legs, and she swings him around with a tornado DDT!
Joe Hoffman: Daytona’s got Xander right where she wants him!
Benny Newell: She’s locked and loaded! Time for Assdingle to eat another loss!
Instead of going for the cover, while her energy is up, Daytona slips back out onto the apron, climbing the turnbuckle and perching on the top buckle, waiting for Xander to stand up. As she locks on, seeing Xander in the right spot, she leaps, twisting herself in midair to pull Xander into a cutter, but she never makes it, because Xander springs to life and catches her halfway, grabbing her by the head and pulling her down in an improvised Faithbreaker! Daytona goes limp as Xander covers her, Hortega sliding into position.
DING DING DING!
SRK: Your winner, via pinfall in… however long that was, XANDER AZULA!
Climbing to his feet, Xander allows his hand to be raised by Hortega while Daytona begins to stir in the background, the cultist smirking as he murmurs praise to his goddess, dedicating his victory to Eris.
Joe Hoffman: There is no denying that Daytona has a bright future here in HOW, but Xander Azula has picked up the all-important win going into Bottom Line.
Benny Newell: Not that it matters. We both know he’s gonna choke against the returning Jattlander himself, baby! DRINK!
Joe Hoffman: …that appalling lack of professionalism aside, I personally cannot wait to see Daytona in action again soon. I get the feeling that we’re going to see great things.
Benny Newell: And you’re the one calling me a perv. Pfft…
Joe lets out a low groan of irritation as the scene cuts elsewhere.
As the action cuts backstage we can see that Blaire Moise is on standby with John Sektor. Sektor is proudly holding the LSD championship over his shoulder so that it’s in full focus for the camera, whilst sporting a t-shirt that has the retro John Sektor wrestling banner for the Bottomline promotion.
Blaire Moise: Blaire Moise here and as you can see I am being joined by LSD champion and Hall of Famer, John Sektor. John, tonight you are competing in a tag team match against one of your Bottomline opponents, Teddy Palmer. What are your thoughts heading into this match?
Sektor strokes his moustache with a relaxed hand as he leans down slightly to reach the mic in Blaire’s hand.
Sektor: I mean, I imagine it will be a competitive match. Connor Fuse will have a point to prove heading into his World championship match, as will Teddy. This match is designed to let a few sparks fly before the real matches take place at Bottomline. So it’s important that I keep a cool head.
Blaire seems quite surprised by Sektor’s vague answer.
Blaire Moise: Okay, well how do you see yourself and the World champion working together tonight? Considering the personal issues between the two of you.
Sektor smiles softly and half shrugs.
Sektor: He does his Job? I do mine? We won’t have any problems. He’s a smart kid. He knows better than to get in my way, and he knows he needs me to get this match won. There’s no reason for him to try anything funny tonight so I think we will work just fine. Right now he is my partner, so I’m willing to put a pin in the fact that he has disrespected Lee’s offer of a BA position.
Blaire Moise: Yes, but, what about the fact that he has..
Sektor holds his hand out to stop her talking, closing his eyes softly and wagging his finger.
Blaire pauses for a moment as the two share an awkward silence, before shaking it off like the professional that she is and continuing the interview.
Blaire Moise: What role do you see Clay playing tonight? Surely you must feel an advantage having a fellow BA member as the official?
Sektor: What are you saying, Blaire? That we would cheat?
He laughs, not exactly denying it with his body language.
Sektor: In all seriousness, I have not been quiet about my disappointment in Clay. He clearly cannot be relied upon in our triple threat match at Bottomline. But, being the kind hearted man that I am? I have offered Clay one last opportunity to do the right thing at Bottomline. So I am eager to see how he handles himself tonight, and what he has to..
Sektor looks up, straightening his back as he sees the tall, looming, frame of Clay Byrd joining them in the shot.
There’s a strong tension as the two men stand opposite one another with Blaire standing tentatively between them.
Clay Byrd: Hey Hermano! Good ta see ya Sek.
Sektor glares at The Behemoth, looking him up and down. The last meeting was tense to say the least.
Sektor: You doing your job tonight at least?
Clay Byrd: Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll be havin’ beers in the back ‘bout ten minutes after that bell rings. You two will do a number on them boys, and I’ll be there ta count the One… Two… Three. Straight ta champagne and pretty ladies.
Clay walks off, smile on his face. Leaving John Sektor at a loss for words, we cut elsewhere.
We return to the ring where Sutler is standing by with MAXKAELJr lurking over his shoulder.
SRK: So as you might have noticed I’m tonights Timekeeper AAAAAND Announcer. Aren’t you all lucky?
The fans boo the World Champion who has the #97Red strap wrapped around his waist. Sutler seems to brush it off as he continues.
SRK: Last week somehow that malcontent, Conor Fuse, refused to take a hint! I crushed his face and showed him what little chance he has, I gave him a viable excuse to walk away! A chance to find someone a little less Legendary Tier for his Common Trash ass. Conor Fuse is like a bad parody of something, just can’t figure out what exactly yet. If this was an Avengers film he’d be Bore of Midcard.
While Sutler laughs at his jokes the crowd does not answer in kind, boos reigning down on the Champion.
SRK: I don’t know if any of you plebeians have seen the newest reports but Conor Fuse is fucking CURSED! Everybody he wants to win LOSES when they face me. So even though I’m stuck at ring side doing this stupid dog and pony show shit, I’m confident, NAY I PROMISE that the Conor Fuse is gonna be in full effect tonight..
Fiserv Forum isn’t taking Sutler’s promo well as they try to drown out the SRK with their boos and jeers.
SRK: I will walk out of this building, look BOTH WAYS, and then into Bottomline where the Curse of Conor Fuse will continue. I will be your High Octane World Champion FOREVER because I’m the SON OF SCIONS! I’m the single greatest wrestler of my generation and I’m going to prove it at Bottomline when I reintroduce Conor Fuse to the Sutler Method. Either he’ll tap and I win or I choke the life out of him. In fact I am so sure..
He turns to stare at MAXKAELJr for a second.
SRK: Junior, take a hike! I’m good out here, I’m currently only clocked in as a Ring Announcer and Timekeeper, if anyone attacks me.. FINES! Fines for everybody! Statistically these are the two safest jobs in HOW, can you believe that?
Jr stares at Sutler as though he’s lost his mind. Any protests from the big man are ignored by the Champion who lowers the microphone and uses more forceful language to make MAXKAELJr leave the ring. Eventually, Junior leaves the ring and disappears up the stage.
SRK: It’s been wonderful, but not really. SUTLER…….OoooOOOOOoOOOooOoOoOooOoOUT! Okay, somebody in the back, cut to commercial… now!
There is a few second delay before the scene cuts away to commercial break.
Back live and MAXKAELJr. slowly paces through a backstage hallway. However, once he turns a corner the big man comes to a complete stop. As the camera catches up, it reveals THE GAME BOY in the far distance, standing across from SRK’s muscle.
Joe Hoffman: That’s Conor’s old “manager”, THE GAME BOY!
Benny Newell: So?
GAME BOY and MAXKAELJr. are in a stalemate, at opposite ends of the hall, sizing each other up. Finally, GAME BOY takes a step forward, then MAXKAELJr. follows. The two continue marching closer to one another. It’s clear they are of similar height (6’6”) and both big men in their own way. Tension builds as GAME BOY meets MAXKAELJr. face-to-face. The Mini Boss adjusts his SNES inspired luchador mask. MAXKAELJr. cracks his knuckles.
Suddenly, Conor Fuse pops out from behind THE GAME BOY.
Conor Fuse: Peekaboo motherfucker.
Fuse pushes off GAME BOY’s back and flies towards MAXKAELJr. with a Head Stomp! The big man stumbles but remains on his feet as The Vintage picks up a nearby chair.
Joe Hoffman: What a shot to KAEL’s shoulder!
The chair splits its hinges and Conor immediately discards the weapon. He takes MAXKAELJr.’s head, locks it under his arm and runs up the wall, only to push off and plant KAEL with a running bulldog!
The fans cheer inside the arena. Conor looks down at Sutler’s fallen muscle, smiling and making a video game death sound.
Benny Newell: Fucking ambush! Bullshit! That’s not a hero!
Fuse returns to THE GAME BOY who hasn’t done a thing since fixing his mask.
Conor Fuse: Thanks my little buddy. Your job here is done, so take five. I’ll be okay with Teddy tonight. Well… hahaha, maybe I won’t be okay but I’ll get what’s coming to me like the protagonist I am!
Conor tussles THE GAME BOY’s mask before skipping carefree off into the distance. Meanwhile, THE MINI BOSS looks down at the fallen MAXKAELJr. before walking off himself.
Doozer vs. Kevin Capone
We cut back to the Hall of Fame announce team as it is time for our next match up…
Joe Hoffman: To ringside and Sutler Reynolds-Kael who probably has NO CLUE what just happened to Jr.
Doozer comes out with no theme but to cheers. He marches down the rampway and slides into the ring as The Son of Scions introduces him.
SRK: This guy is allegedly from Boston and is a lot older than you’d think. He doesn’t even have music, what a loser. Of course I’m referring to DOOOOOOOOOOZER!
Doozer looks at Reynolds-Kael with a shake of his head before “Mr. Nice Watch” by J. Cole blares over the PA. Kevin Capone appears to a cheer from the fans.
Joe Hoffman: Kevin took JPD as far as he could last week. A great showing but he’s still looking for his first HOW win.
Benny Newell: And this moron will be looking forever! Quit now, Kevin and forever hold your peace. DRINK!
Joe Hoffman: It’s speak now or forever hold your peace.
Benny Newell: Whatever.
SRK looks over Capone who’s making his way down.
SRK: From Queens, New York City, I think the E is silent, you figure out which one, KEEEEEEEEVIN CAAAAAPOOOONE!
Capone slides into the ring while the World Champion exits and referee Matt Boettcher calls for the bell.
Doozer races to Capone and knocks the newcomer off his feet, hammering Capone with a bunch of open palm shots. Doozer hurries to pull Capone off the mat and whip him into the ropes. Once Dooze lowers his head, however, Kevin stops in his tracks, props Doozer up and connects with a hard chop. Another hard chop. Numerous hard chops work Doozer in a corner and Capone Irish whips the former Bandit into the buckle across the way. Doozer meets hard and stumbles into an atomic drop.
Capone checks on his surroundings and hits the ropes.
Joe Hoffman: Flying elbow by Doozer!
Doozer bounces off the ropes now and nails a flying shoulder block. A scoop slam later, Dooze has Capone in the center of the ring. He drops a leg across Kevin’s neck and asks referee Matt Boettcher to count.
It’s only a one.
Joe Hoffman: You’ve got to do more than that to keep Kevin Capone down.
Benny Newell: Do we now? Kevin hasn’t won shit in this company!
Doozer throws Capone at the ropes and looks for another flying elbow smash but Capone ducks it and hits off the next set of ropes. Upon return it’s Capone who hits his own version of a flying forearm smash! It flipps Doozer inside-out and to the canvas.
Joe Hoffman: Capone has a number of submission moves. He could go to one here…
But Doozer kicks Capone away and is right back up. The two exchange shots until Capone headbutts Doozer and lands a snap suplex, floating over into a pin.
Joe Hoffman: Now it’s Doozer’s time to power out early!
Both men are vertical and trade fists. Doozer tries for a headlock but Capone lifts the bigger man up, although Dooze escapes. Dooze boots Capone in the back of the leg before dropkicking the leg, too. This puts Capone on a knee and Doozer to the second rope.
Flying shoulder block.
But Capone is right back up.
Flying shoulder block.
But Capone is right back up.
Joe Hoffman: Doozer misses and crashes to the mat!
Kevin goes at the ropes and leaps into Doozer with a crossbody! While Capone thinks about a quick pin, instead he tries to maneuver into the Quick & Painful, his finishing hold…
Joe Hoffman: Doozer’s got the bottom rope!
Capone doesn’t let this rattle him. He latches onto Dooze’s back and performs a deadlift German suplex. Capone still has hold of the former Egg Bandit’s waist and tries for a second German suplex but Doozer standing switches Capone hitting a side Russian leg sweep instead.
Doozer looks for a fisherman’s suplex but Capone breaks free, bounces into the ropes and smacks Doozer square in the chest with a well placed dropkick. Then a hip toss. Then a leg drop. Then a hook of both legs.
Joe Hoffman: Doozer powers out but it looks like Kevin Capone is getting closer!
Benny Newell: To what? DRINK!
Capone attempts a crossface chickenwing but Dooze hooks his feet on the bottom rope. Capone nods at referee Matt Boettcher before positioning himself behind Doozer so he won’t be able to see when he strikes. Once Doozer is up…
Joe Hoffman: Cutter by Capone!
And then Capone applies the crossface chickenwing!
Joe Hoffman: Doozer has nowhere to go! He may have to tap!
The crowd buys into it, thinking they’re going to see Capone come out on top as he wrenches back and Doozer shouts in pain. However, in one fluent motion, Doozer is able to roll onto his back, escaping the hold and sliding into the ropes on the other end. Capone rises off the mat, initially stunned.
Benny Newell: You said this idiot does a lot of submissions? Well what the fuck was that!?
Joe Hoffman: It was an amazing escape, that’s what it was. Doozer has a weight advantage on Kevin and he used it TO his advantage. Nothing to be ashamed of, here…
Capone pulls Doozer to his feet but he’s met with a sidewalk slam! Doozer one-arm bulldogs Capone, followed by a high-angle leg drop.
Joe Hoffman: Doozer hooks the leg! This may do it!
Relief crosses Kevin Capone’s face at the very last second and Doozer nods like he’s impressed. The former Bandit drags Capone to his spaghetti legs, bounces off the ropes and-
Joe Hoffman: Powerslam by Capone!
And then the Quick & Painful!
Joe Hoffman: He has the submission locked in!
Doozer struggles. His eyes dart around to see if he’s anywhere near the ropes but he isn’t.
DING DING DING
SRK: Here’s your winner, Kevin Capone.
Sutler doesn’t seem to care much as Capone’s theme song airs.
Joe Hoffman: Big win for Capone! His first victory here in High Octane and it’s long overdue.
Benny Newell: No it’s not. Tell me where it says that. DRINK!
Capone celebrates in the ring as the show goes elsewhere.
Instead of cutting to another part of the arena the feed cuts to a video that begins to play, not only for the folks inside the arena on the High Octane Vision screen, but for everyone watching at home on the HOTv network.
The video begins with only darkness……but the darkness if filled with a repetitive sound….a clanging of metal on metal.
Slowly we see that the video is being shot from the point of view of someone walking…..and slowly. As the clanging begins to shorten in its intervals, the speed in which the person is walking speeds up, until suddenly we are out of the darkness and we can see a dim light in the distance.
It is clear now that we are inside Alcatraz Prison and walking towards a cell.
There are a pair of hands visible in the distance and they are banging what appears to be a metal tray hard, and now faster, against the metal bars of the cell.
As the feed gets closer to the cell we begin to see that there are literally dozens of metal trays lying outside the cell. There is a swarm of flies buzzing around the trays and as the camera turns reaches the cell and turns towards it….the banging stops.
It is then that we see a naked prisoner in front of us. The man is sweating profusely and his skin is glistening as we hear him muttering under his breath as he drops the tray down onto the growing pile.
The man begins screaming at the camera and then we see the 4th Wahl suddenly appear. His large frame blocks out part of the light and he motions for the man to step back…..which he does like a begging dog eagerly awaiting his treat.
The 4th Wahl hands puts another metal tray thru the bars and the man inside snatches it away from him and immediately sits down on the cold concrete and begins to ravenously chewing at the contents.
The camera zooms in and we see that the tray has about two dozen Twinkies on it and the man inside tears into each plastic wrapping with his teeth, tearing and even chewing up some of the plastic, as he devours each one.
4th Wahl: Yellow Dye #5 for the Golden Flake of HOW courtesy of your GOD Lee Best…….I will see you in another hour.
With that the man exits the frame off to check on the other prisoner as we see a final zoomed in shot of the man as he tears into Twinkie number four.
Welcome to Alcatraz, Bobby Dean.
World Championship Match
Conor Fuse vs. Sutler Reynolds-Kael©
LSD Championship Match
Teddy Palmer vs. vs. Clay Byrd vs John Sektor©
HOTv Championship Match
Darin Zion vs. Eli Dresden/Jace Parker Davidson©
Rah vs. High Flyer
Xander Azula vs. Jatt Starr
The SON vs. The FATHER
Back live from commercial and Barbie-Q comes out on the stage with Rah’s followers- a bunch of very unhappy former ASU sorority girls, and a very pleased Sunny O’Callahan.
The ex-sorority girls are so unhappy that they aren’t taking selfies of themselves on their phones and sharing the pictures on social media.
Conversely, Sunny has a huge grin on her face.
Barbie’s got a microphone and she has a few things to say.
Barbie-Q: Last week, we all saw what happened on Refueled 70. We all saw High Flyer make himself at home in Rah’s regal hammock until I kicked him out.
Sunny gives a thumbs up to that.
Barbie-Q: We all saw Rah then defeat High Flyer in a tight match.
Sunny gives a thumbs down.
Barbie-Q: And then there’s after the show…
The HOV fires up…
(LAST WEEK AFTER THE SHOW)
Barbie-Q puts both of her hands out and some of her ex-sorority sisters bump and fall into her, kept upright by the next one in line who bumps into their back.
Climbing out of the driver’s side window of Rah’s old ratted and rusted yellow school bus- now painted a deep blood red- is High Flyer. He shouts, waving toward the crowd before him.
High Flyer: I AM THE CAPTAIN NOW! Who wants to board my ship! You? You? Last chance!
Barbie-Q and the sorority girls all glare at Sunny who openly laughs at what happened last week.
Barbie-Q: Jack, Rah’s pretty upset that you stole his bus- the same bus that Rah’s had throughout his long and illustrious pro wrestling career.
Sunny does the fake crying thing with her hands. Again, Barbie-Q shoots a quick glare at her.
Barbie-Q: Rah is also very upset at the loss of one of his most cherished possessions- the Golden Chair of Solitude in the back of the bus you stole.
Sunny mouths ‘awww so sad, too bad.’
Barbie-Q: But Rah is most distraught over the loss of his most prized possession in the world… and as God as my witness, I can’t believe I’m actually saying this… his DVD collection of every single movie Sofia Boutella has ever appeared in.
Benny Newell: Not that!
Joe Hoffman: Benny, do you even know who Sofia Boutella is?
Benny Newell: No.
Barbie-Q: It’s all gone and it’s all because of…
Barbie-Q whips around and points her finger at Sunny O’Callahan.
Sunny feigns surprise as the HOV fires up again…
(LAST WEEK AFTER THE RAH-HIGH FLYER MATCH)
Rah sprints to the back before the referee can raise his hand and Benny starts yelling RAHHHHH in Joe Hoffman’s ear.
Barbie-Q and the entourage begin to filter to the back… well, everyone except one.
As High Flyer gets to a sitting position, Sunny O’Callahan tosses what appears to be a set of car keys to him. She winks at Flyer, turns, and skips off to join the procession back up the ramp.
Sunny O’Callahan: Well, DUHHHHH! Of course, I did it.
O’Callahan calmly responds.
Sunny O’Callahan: You should be thanking me. You all should be thanking me because If it weren’t for Sunny O’Callahan Rah would NOT be wrestling at a pay per view show in two weeks.
Barbie-Q looks at her incredulously.
Sunny O’Callahan: That’s right bitch. You heard me. Because of me, Rah getting a Pay Per View payday in Chicago instead of staying home with Dawn McGill or traveling to another one of those fucking Jimmy Buffett concerts where I guess Rah is tonight. What is he in Boston or something?
She rolls her eyes in disgust.
Sunny O’Callahan: Do you realize how much money I just made Rah by doing what I did last week? That’s what happens when you have someone who actually knows what the fuck she’s doing…
Sunny points to herself.
Sunny O’Callahan: …and not some brainless bimbette like you…
She points at Barbie. Barbie flips her off.
Sunny O’Callahan: …or that washed up has been Dawn McGill.
Sunny steps forward and gets into Barbie-Q’s face.
Sunny O’Callahan: I did that. Sunny O’Callahan made that happen. You’re welcome! Not only should you thank me, you should bow down and kiss my ass for what I did to get Rah on the pay per view card!
Barbie-Q: Oh I’ll thank you all right…
Barbie-Q raises her arm and has to be restrained by the ex-sorority girls from attacking O’Callahan.
Sunny O’Callahan: No, no. You’re welcome.
Sunny pauses and looks around the arena.
Sunny O’Callahan: Speaking of people who should be thanking me…High Flyer. That’s right… I’m talking to you Jack Harmen. You’re welcome. Because of me, Sunny O’Callahan, I’ve singlehandedly made you relevant once again in HOW. You were nothing more than a bad punchline of a Lee Best joke about being great EVERYWHERE ELSE BUT HERE until I came along. The only reason you are wrestling that idiot Rah at the Bottomline Pay Per View because Sunny O’Callahan made that happen. You’re welcome High Flyer. You’re welcome for me, Sunny O’Callahan, saving your fucking career.
Sunny then points towards the back.
Sunny O’Callahan: And speaking of saving someone’s fucking career…Darin fucking Zion.
Zion’s name elicits a roar from the fans- much to Sunny’s annoyance.
Sunny O’Callahan: Oh yeah. Darin Zion. You’re welcome! After you wiped out that loser and defective moron Marty Pratt in seven seconds at the Definitive Erasure, what’s happened to your career? Oh let’s see… a HOW World Title match… a LSD Title match… and now you’re booked to face the winner of Eli Dresden and Jace Parker Davidson for the HOTv Title at Bottomline. Who made that happen? Me. Sunny O’Callahan. I did that. The Definitive Erasure put you back in business and booked at the Bottomline pay per view. So, Darin… you’re welcome. You’re welcome because I am Sunny O’Callahan, the best manager ever and the greatest wrestling mind in pro wrestling history. Because I’m just that damn good at what I do.
Mic drop. Sunny turns and brushes past Barbie-Q and the others to leave as we cut elsewhere.
Refueled LXXI goes to the back, perhaps naturally you would assume it would be backstage at the Fiserv Forum as that is where the show is coming from but alas, you have forgotten the all important detail about tonight’s main event. Yes, indeed, the show is joined by Cecilworth Farthington, standing near the entrance curtain at the 2300 Arena in Philly.
Cecilworth looks at the camera, tapping his feet and nodding his head, a clear expectation for someone to show up and shove a microphone in his face. After what feels like an entirety of silence but is much more closer to ten seconds, he puts it together.
Cecilworth Farthington: Oh right, the mic pricks are all in the wastelands of Wisconsin. I hope they overdose on low quality cheese while they’re there.
Cecilworth lets out a weary sigh.
Cecilworth Farthington: Tonight I will once again walk out in front of a crowd of filthy, disgusting poors and give them a moment that they will never forget. The last time these mouth breathing day release pricks had the honour of me entering the HOFC cage, Clay Byrd got a rather stark reminder that a burly frame doesn’t a legend make.
Cecilworth looks down at his hand and starts to mindlessly play with his Hall of Fame ring.
Cecilworth Farthington: It takes more than big promises and a strong hand to get one of these around your finger.
Cecilworth holds up the ring for all the see, enjoy and admire
Cecilworth Farthington: Tonight, my fight is a different story, tonight I stand in the cage and face a man I would consider to be a friend of mine. A man that one year ago won the LSD championship from me by being the better man. No excuses, no sarcasm, Cancer Jiles bested me that night. Not a single person in that arena would have predicted my streak ending that night, but it did, because you don’t sleep on Cancer Jiles.
As the camera gets closer to Cecilworth’s eyes, you can see the pain of his loss to Jiles start to sink in.
Cecilworth Farthington: Tonight, the circumstances are very different, this isn’t a wrestling match, this isn’t something you can win in five seconds with a good piece of scouting and a tight pin. Tonight is a fight. I’m a fighter now, have been for a while, I have a goal, I have a destiny, I have a calling and it isn’t to let history repeat itself, that is for certain.
Cecilworth looks up to the ceiling, his eyes dart about as if he expects God (or GoD, or GOD for that matter) to speak the secrets of success to his ears.
Cecilworth Farthington: Tonight, I have to maim, bruise and if it calls for it, injure a friend of mine because he stands in the way of the biggest pay day of my career. Mike Best vs. Cecilworth Farthington is the only HOFC fight left worth a damn. Otherwise, it’s the dregs of society. It is the last tale to tell. It is the beautiful violin on a sinking ship. It’s fitting that I have to put down a friend on my journey towards battling the best friend I have and will ever have in this scummy industry. This is my test of character, oh how amused the Eyeless Wonder must be.
A snort of derision escapes the nostrils of the Farthington man.
Cecilworth Farthington: Jiles, I’m asking as a friend, think very carefully about your actions in that cage tonight. I want to see you return to the wrestling ring and do what you do best, the cage isn’t for you, we both know this. It’s just unfortunate that I have to be the one to remind you that fighting is not your game. This is a Number One Contenders bout for a division you do not belong in. This arena could be filled with exclusively members of the Jiles family and they would all know that the cage is not your home. It is my home. This fight, it’s my moment. This… this is the dance.
Don’t force me to make it your last.
The cameras cut away from Farthington as he starts to tape up and we cut back live to the poors eating all the cheeses in Wisconsin.
Fuse and Palmer vs. Sutler and Sektor
Joe Hoffman: Strong words from the Hall of Famer there and I cannot wait to see that HOFC Match later this evening. But before we get to that, we have a full house for this one, LSD, and World Champion, plus all of their challengers involved.
Benny Newell: Those two union boys are so fucked… Clay’s the ref! THE FUCKING REF! Oh, I’m going to enjoy this one. Another Gold Standard Classic. I might stay sober for this one so I can remember it Joe.
Joe Hoffman: Benny…
Benny Newell: You’re right… anyway down to the worlds greatest ring announcer. He’s doing this forever now, right?
Joe Hoffman: I hope not… I really really hope not…
SRK: Introducing first.. The guys with belts! Because I’m not standing out here alone with Conor Fuse and Teddy Palmer… Do you all think I’m stupid?
Sutler waits a moments for the jeers to stop, and then begins the introductions.
SRK: So first, the man who needs no introduction!
Dirty Deads starts up and Sektor makes his way through the curtain as the booing around the arena starts. Before John can make it halfway down the ramp Sutler starts again.
Joe Hoffman: And Clay Byrd did not come out to the ring with his Best Alliance member.
Benny Newell: Don’t worry about it Joe, I’m sure he’s putting his finishing touches on his black and white striped cowboy hat or something. Clay will be down here to call it fair and square.
SRK: AAAANNNNDDDDDDDDD his partner… He is your High Octane Wrestling WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD CHAMPION! Hailing from the Greatest Hamlet in the World, Arkham, Massachusetts, the Son of Scions.. The NUMBER ONE RANKED WRESTLING IN HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING, THE YOUNGEST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, WARGAMES WINNER, CONOR FUSE DESTROYER, by god, his name is SUTLER. REYNOLDS. KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEL!
The heavy metal riff of Solence’s cover of “Believer” rips over the PA system as the High Octane Wrestling crowd explodes with jeers. Sutler begins walking around the ring holding his World Championship on each corner, while Sektor meanders down to the ring. Sutler stops, straightens his jacket and goes back to the center of the ring as his music ends.
SRK: From Tor-Ronto, Ontar-Rio, Can-Nadia! With a surprising annual salary of 48,000, he is the Vint-Tage, COOOOOOOOOOOON-nOR FUUUUUUUUUU-hUUUUSE!
“Bloody Tears (Epic Version)” from Castlevania II begins. A purple mist floods the entrance way as “The Vintage” Conor Fuse emerges from behind the apron 23-seconds into the theme. He stands at the top of the rampway, head down, sporting a dark purple jacket with its high-collar raised. The jacket is open, showing his vintage SNES tights as he slowly raises his head. The fog continues to pump from the stage as Fuse methodically makes his way down the ramp. The crowd starts a “!rank” chant, pointing in Conor’s direction as he marches towards ringside. Once in front of the squared circle, The Vintage leaps onto the apron and then with ease clears the ropes by jumping over them and somersaulting into the middle of the ring. Fuse tilts his head back and zen cries into the rafters while the fans in attendance continue to cheer him on. Conor removes his trench coat, revealing his trademarked light purple arm sleeve on his left arm. Fuse waits in his corner.
Joe Hoffman: Benny, this man here is on a run through High Octane right now. Conor Fuse has yet to be stopped.
Benny Newell: Listen, Conor Fuse is a joke. He’s wrestled what? Jiles? Who cares about that guy.
“Hold up a light” by Thrice begins to play and Sutler belts out his last introduction.
SRK: If you can believe it, he makes 54,000 annually while at a record of 5-2-1. Clay Byrd book ends while John Sektor and I are the two in the center.. TEDDY PALMER!
The music plays… and plays… and Teddy Palmer does not come down the ramp.
SRK: I said… TEDDY PALMER!
Benny Newell: AHAHAHAHAHA! TEDDY HAS TURNED TO THE DARK SIDE! HE’S LEAVING CONOR OUT HERE TO DIE!
Joe Hoffman: Benny, it sure does look that way, Conor Fuse is shocked in the ring.
Benny Newell: Get me that bottle Harrison bought me a few weeks ago, it’ll be perfect for this. This might be the best day of my life. Thank LEE!
Conor Fuse looks to the entrance ramp, then back to Sektor and Sutler, then to the entrance ramp, then back to Sektor and Sutler. Fuse walks to the rope and looks up at the ramp concerned and Sektor sees his moment to strike, running over and smashing Fuse across the back with a forearm. Fuse falls to the mat and Sektor is on him.
Benny Newell: Sektor’s gonna kill this kid! Sutler might even get the day off.
Joe Hoffman: Conor Fuse is going to be in for one rough night. He’s a hell of a competitor Benny, but I don’t even know if The Vintage can get through this one. Where is Clay Byrd though?
Benny Newell: Ummm… I heard he’s having a boot issue. They are getting him fixed right up and out here.
Sektor drives repeated kicks into Fuse’s stomach and ribs, pushing him in the direction of the corner. The Vintage finally gets his bearings and manages to stand up under Sektor’s onslaught of boots. The crowd begins to clap for Fuse, but Sektor takes the wind out of their sails delivering a vicious knee to Fuse’s midsection.
Benny Newell: It won’t be that easy kid! Sektor’s THEE technician! The Gold Standard! The man is an institution here in High Octane for a reason.
Joe Hoffman: What a knee by Sektor, doubled Fuse right over. John Sektor looks expertly prepared for Bottomline.
Boettcher comes running out of the back and our bell finally rings.
Joe Hoffman: I thought you said we would have Clay out here? Has he turned his back on The Alliance?
Benny Newell: It doesn’t matter! Fuse is screwed! It’s two on one!
Joe Hoffman: That hasn’t stopped men like Conor Fuse before. Darin Zion is a very recent memory.
Benny Newell: We don’t talk about that.
Sektor sets Fuse up, and sends him across the ring with an irish whip to his corner. The Gold Standard follows Fuse in and crushes him into the corner with a shoulder block. Holding him there, Sektor reaches up to tag Sutler, but the World Champion instead holds Fuse’s arms to the ropes. Sutler nods to Sektor, who delivers another shoulder smash to the number one contender.
Sektor looks to Sutler once again, but Sutler waves him off and yawns. Sektor shrugs, happy to continue to punish Fuse. Fuse realizing the danger of being in the corner takes the free moment to fire off a few right hands into Sektor’s face, Sektor staggers back as the crowd comes to life again.
Benny Newell: Look at this, they are working in perfect concert. Sutler taking notes watching Sektor destroy Conor Fuse.
Joe Hoffman: Benny I don’t think that’s what’s happening here.
Fuse goes to the ropes, as the crowd explodes to their feet. He bounces off them and comes back at Sektor. The Gold Standard hits the mat, letting Fuse hop over him and hit the ropes again. Fuse jumps on the middle rope, using it as a spring board and leaps at a now standing Sektor looking for a Tornado DDT. Fuse manages to spin Sektor around, but Sektor uses his momentum to turn the move into a vicious tilt-a-whirl back breaker.
Benny Newell: THAT’S RIGHT SEKTOR!
Joe Hoffman: Once again, The Gold Standard just took the air right out of this building with that backbreaker.
Benny Newell: Serves them right! They don’t deserve to breathe anyway.
Sektor locks in a reverse chin lock, and starts cranking on Conor Fuse’s neck. Fuse tries to rip Sektor’s hands away from his chin, but Sektor has an iron grip and uses the flailing to also slip in a body triangle. Sektor smiles, having full control he wrenches back on Conor’s neck.
Conor tries to get his legs under him, but Sektor uses the body triangle to tuck his legs under Fuse’s. Everytime Conor tries, Sektor takes the pressure off of the triangle and slides Conor’s legs out.
Benny Newell: John Sektor is a technical master. Fuse might as well quit now. He’s done for. Save something for Bottomline kid. DRINK!
Joe Hoffman: I do not envy Conor Fuse right now folks, this is difficult.
Fuse, begins trying to rock back and forth. The crowd begins to clap as Sektor grimaces holding onto Fuse and trying to keep himself and Conor upright. Finally Conor manages to tip he and The Gold Standard onto their backs. Conor tries to keep moving side to side. Conor, finally manages to get some traction with his legs and manages to bridge Sektor into a pinning predicament.
Benny Newell: Dammit!
Joe Hoffman: Great reversal by Conor Fuse there… Sektor’s gonna have to let go.
Sektor manages to roll off his shoulders and to his side, maintaining the hold. The two once again fight with their legs until Conor puts him back into the same pinning predicament.
Benny Newell: Thank God John didn’t keep trying to squeeze the kids head off. Now lets tag in Sutler and get this over with.
Joe Hoffman: Both men are exhausted from that exchange of grappling.
Sektor finally gives up the hold, and the two men collapse to the mat exhausted. Fuse briefly looks to his empty corner, realizing nobody is there. Once again the crowd begins to clap as Fuse begins to drag himself up using the ropes. Sektor, exhausted from the strain of trying to rips Fuse’s head off; also begins to get to his feet.
Fuse is to his feet first, holding his neck. He runs and dives at Sektor for a low drop kick. Sektor rolls to the side. Fuse scrambles back to his feet, a ball of energy takes off towards the ropes again. This time coming back with a spinning heel kick at Sektor. Sektor once again moves out of the way and pushes Fuse to the mat.
Benny Newell: It won’t be that easy kid! John Sektor has been training in swamps to get ready for Bottomline! He’s unstoppable! A killer!
Joe Hoffman: I can’t believe Fuse has anything left in the tank here.
Sektor bends down to lock in another chin lock, but Fuse slides away to the apron. Sektor is surprised by the quickness as Fuse jumps to the top rope and springboards with a dropkick sending Sektor stumbling. Fuse again goes to the ropes and comes off smashing Sektor across the face with a spinning heel kick.
Benny Newell: WHERE THE FUCK IS CLAY!? GET HIM OUT HERE!
Joe Hoffman: What a spinning Heel Kick from The Vintage! This crowd has exploded behind the number one contender!
Fuse is on absolute fire, jumping to his feet shaking his arms. Sektor is on his knees and is backing his way into the corner begging off but Fuse is having none of it. Sektor goes to get up and Fuse drills him with a right hand sending him stumbling into the corner. Fuse climbs on the middle rope and starts raining right hands onto Sektor’s head. Eventually we get to a ten count of punches and Fuse steps to the side using the middle rope to jump off and kick Sektor in the chest. The Gold Standard stumbles out of the corner and falls on his face.
Benny Newell: I’m serious… if Clay doesn’t get out here soon I might have a heart attack. Where’s my bottle, this can’t be happening again…
Joe Hoffman: Conor Fuse over to the top rope!
Fuse scrambles over to the ropes and leaps to the top. Fuse jumps off facing backwards and drills Sektor in the middle of the ring with a moonsault. Fuse hooks Sektor’s leg.
Benny Newell: NO!
Joe Hoffman: Conor was so close there.
Sektor barely manages to get a shoulder up. Fuse smiles, getting to his feet holding his ribs. Conor walks to the far corner. Sektor crawls towards Sutler with his arm out stretched. Fuse is in the corner letting it happen, ‘powering himself up’ by slapping the top corner along to the fans clapping. Fuse is waving Sutler into the ring.
Benny Newell: Get him Sutler! It’s time to end him! Finish this kid off right here!
Joe Hoffman: Conor Fuse wants Sutler Kael… we’re about to get a preview for Bottomline!
Sektor gets to the corner, arm outstretched… goes for the tag…
Joe Hoffman: Here we go!
and Sutler Reynolds-Kael jumps off the apron.
Benny Newell: WHAT THE FUCK~!? FIRST CLAY? NOW SUTLER? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!
Sektor is shocked, Fuse is irate, and Sutler calmly grabs the #97RED World Heavyweight Championship off of the announce table and starts to walk to the back. Fuse is screaming at Sutler, but Sutler doesn’t even turn around. The fans begin pelting Sutler with trash and garbage as he walks away.
Joe Hoffman: Benny you said Sutler should take a break before Bottomline, and he’s doing just that!
As SRK gets about midway up the ramp the HOTv pops on and the arena goes completely quiet. On the screen, rustling can be heard, and our blurry view fades to Clay Byrd in his referee uniform sitting on a bloodied Teddy Palmer’s chest. Clay, is swinging away into Palmer’s bloodied face like a mad man. The only noise that can be heard are the sick wet smacks, and Clay grunting while he throws each blow. Behind Teddy’s head, a broken and mangled black chair can be seen.
Benny Newell: CLAY’S SAVED US! CLAY’S SAVED US! THANK LEE!
Joe Hoffman: Oh. My. God. Teddy Palmer has apparently been viciously attacked in the back. Were trying to get security back there.
Benny Newell: THE SECURITY IS WITH US! TEDDY PALMER’S DEAD! DRINK!
Sutler immediately takes off running up the ramp, Sektor uses the distraction to land a low blow on Conor Fuse and roll him up.
Joe Hoffman: Dirty trick there by Sektor, trying to take advantage of this serious situation we have in the back.
Benny Newell: Dirty trick? Conor Fuse does nothing but cheat!
Fuse kicks out, and Sektor seeing his opportunity also takes off to the outside and up the ramp with Fuse limping behind. On the HOTv The Behemoth finally finishes his work and stands up off of Palmer’s chest. His blue jeans are covered in blood, as is Palmer’s face. Sutler explodes into the hallway running, waiving the world championship. He looks at Clay in the referee’s shirt, looks at Palmer, looks at Clay again. Clay shrugs his shoulders and Sutler puts his boot on Palmer’s chest. Clay quickly drops down and begins the count.
Benny Newell: YEEEEEES! Clay Byrd has won this match for The Alliance! You beautiful, enormous, Texas bastard.
Joe Hoffman: I… I can’t believe what I’m watching. I’m speechless.
SRK: Ding Ding?
Sektor comes into the hallway just as Clay is finished counting.
John Sektor: What the fuck hermano?!
Clay looks at his watchless wrist, looks at Sektor, shrugs his shoulders.
Clay Byrd: You were late.
John Sektor: YOU GAVE THE WIN TO HIM!?
John is pointing at Sutler, who has an ear to ear grin. Clay once again shrugs his shoulders, this time smashing Sutler in the nose with a straight right hand. Sutler drops to his knees, confused and disoriented while Clay and Sektor come nose to nose.
Clay Byrd: I told you I wasn’t givin’ ya a damn thing John. Teddy Palmer was my fuckin’ job, I’d handle it.
Benny Newell: NO! We don’t need this! Not when we just won!
Joe Hoffman: The Best Alliance is an Alliance, not a friendship. But we really need to get Teddy Palmer some help back there… AND HERE COMES FUSE!
Just as the two are about to come to blows Conor Fuse comes sprinting down the hallway. Leaping at the pile of men with a cross body. Clay, Sektor and Fuse roll around throwing fists while Sutler manages to make it back to his feet with his World Heavyweight Championship. Sutler goes to lift a boot and begin kicking into the pile, but thinks better of it and turning to walk away as the EPU arrive on the scene and we fade to black.
We come back from a commercial break to the backstage area of the Fiserv Forum. Blaire Moise can be seen holding her microphone in hand as she makes her way up to a dressing room. Blaire fixes her hair a bit then reaches up and knocks on the door. After a few moments the door swings open and out walks the current HOW HOTv Champion Jace Parker Davidson. Jace is in his wrestling gear and has the HOTv Championship belt proudly displayed around his waist.
Blaire Moise: We’re mere moments away from you defending the HOTv Championship belt against a now revealed healthy Eli Dresden.
JPD: Of course Elizabeth isn’t injured. I never brought into the idea that she was. It’s just more mind games by the former gymnast to try and throw me off of my game.
Blaire Moise: It was actually revealed that her brother Elijah was behind the report of her being injured.
JPD: Then he’s the smartest person in that entire family because he actually tried to spare Elizabeth from what’s about to happen outside in that ring.
Blaire Moise: Speaking of things happening inside of the ring. I have to say that what you did to Madison earlier this week was a despicable act and I’m not surprised she decided not to be here this week in your corner.
Jace looks down at Blaire with a look of pure loathing etched across his face.
JPD: Madison is at home recuperating from what happened and that’s a good thing because she shouldn’t have a front row seat to the destruction of the woman that’s been using her since her debut here in HOW.
Jace takes a menacing step forward towards Blaire.
JPD: However, since Madison isn’t here maybe you want to step up and give me a little warm up fight before I defend this title against Elizabeth?
Blaire shakes her head a bit and moves on.
Blaire Moise: You’ve gone on record claiming you’re going to try to end Eli Dresden’s career tonight. Eli has gone on record saying she is going to snap your neck like a twig. Something has to give you would think?
JPD: Tell me something Blaire. Didn’t Steve Harrison try to hurt my neck and snap it like a twig? How well did that go for him? And he’s a big strong man, but this? We’re talking about itty, bitty, little Elizabeth Dresden. If my neck can withstand her then I got not right to be in a wrestling ring.
Jace cockily tweaks his neck side to side.
JPD: You’re right though, something does have to give. One of us is leaving this arena tonight on a stretcher or in a body bag. It just so happens that I plan on running through Elizabeth Dresden like Dalvin Cook through the Green Bay Packers defensive line.
The crowd boo’s loudly.
JPD: And after I break her jaw, after I stomp her head repeatedly into the canvas. It’ll be my fourth successful title defense and I’ll move on to face the likes of Darin Zion at Bottomline.
Suddenly from out of nowhere, Darin Zion walks into frame. The Milwaukee crowd comes to life with loud “Rally Zion” chants. Jace glares at Zion before Zion flashes him a confident grin. Zion’s eyes gloss right to JPD’s HOTv Championship draped around his waist. Zion points directly at the title as he speaks.
Darin Zion: That’s a nice ‘ship you got there. It’d been a shame if you lost it right before Bottomline.
Jace glares at Zion who is chuckling.
Darin Zion: Cat got your tongue there, champ? I’m not here to talk mad shit about your unfortunate handicap loss to me. I’m not here to rehash old business.
Zion shakes his head.
Darin Zion: I’m here to wish you luck in your match tonight. Contrary to what you believe, Eli isn’t a pushover. She’s quite capable of kicking your ass, and she’s got a good chance of securing her first piece of HOW gold.
Zion’s demeanor changes. He goes from all smiles to a serious, determined look. Darin stares right back into Jace’s eyes.
Darin Zion: I know that look so you can cut that shit out. If I could choose my opponent for Bottomline: you’re my pick Mr.LonelyFans. You and I still have some unfinished history to resolve. But beggars can’t be choosers. I get whoever walks out of Fiserv Forum with that belt. And make no mistake about it, I’m tired of blowing championship opportunities left and right. Whoever wins better be ready for the fight of their life.
Jace lets out an exasperated sigh.
JPD: Are you done yet? I mean seriously you came all the way here to Milwaukee to tell me that I’m your pick as an opponent? Very fucking clever Zion but why don’t you go #rally your way out of my television time?
Jace extends his right hand stopping himself.
JPD: No, scratch that. I’m glad you’re here because I want you to get a good look at what I do to Elizabeth out in that ring. When I put her on the shelf permanently then you’ll know exactly what you have to look forward to at Bottomline. I’ve let you linger and haunt the halls of HOW for far too long. I single handedly destroyed The Grapplers by taking out your leader. Prepare to join her in obscurity in Chicago on the 28th.
Zion’s eyes squint in perplexion. The next challenger to the HOTv title shakes his head.
Darin Zion: You feel better after overcompensating there, Mr. Noisy? If you must know why I’m here in Milwaukee; I’ll be happy to share. See I came here to embrace my future life as your future HOTv Champion. And what better place to do it than in the city of the 2021 NBA Champions: the Milwaukee Bucks.
The Milwaukee crowd erupts as Zion flashes his molars. Darin knows he went for the cheap pop. Jace rests his face in the palm of his hands. Zion continues on.
Darin Zion: But go ahead, JPD. Flex your might and arrogance and make your statement. Just don’t get too lost or you might become the third wheel at….
Before Zion can finish JPD kicks him below the belt that causes Zion to double over in pain. JPD locks both Zion’s arms and plants him with Unscripted Violence onto the concrete floor. JPD gets to his feet and backs away from the broken and bloody Zion.
Blaire Moise: That’s enough!
There is a wild look in Jace’s eyes as he races forward to hit Zion with Bend the Knee but instead he stops and chuckles. JPD crouches down to the fallen Zion as his blood begins to pool on the concrete floor.
JPD: Never say I haven’t done anything for you. I just let you live long enough to make it to Bottomline.
Jace spits down on the back of Zion’s head then walks off as Blaire rushes over to try and check on Zion as we cut elsewhere.
The Magic Stool Bus
We cut to where we see some High Octane faithful flowing out of the Fiserv Forum, a bit of commotion begins to stir toward the front of the movement. You notice some guards and other High Octane security quickly maneuvering to get an idea of what the hell’s going on, then you see it yourself…
The fans all start to cheer as they realize the fast approaching, large vehicle coming into sight under the streetlights is none other than RAH’s famous bus. Broken and disheveled, the formerly white school bus has been painted a blood red, with its headlights flashing as if they’re blinking eyes. All that positivity quickly gives way to hushed, confused murmurs as the vehicle slows down to a stop. The fans are used to seeing Rah in the driver’s seat, but these days?
… it’s a dark figure and a flash of green who scurries off to the back of the bus. Then the back doors fly open out and out flies… you guessed it, Jack Harmen.
High Flyer: AHHHH, fear not, my most loyal HARMEN-nites! For I, a true GOD of the people, have brought you sustenance!
Mixed reaction from the fans, but the heavier folks and those with the beer munchies shout in glee.
High Flyer: Yes…. YES… come hither, my flock! Feast! Join the cause! Where you can never escape!
Harmen directs the fans toward the opened back exit of the bus, where you can see a large supply of sandwiches wrapped in plastic. Flyer jumps up and sits atop RAH’s Golden Throne, smiling from ear to ear as the hungry crowd takes down bite after bite. Flyer seems to have even hired two servants to hand the sandwiches out to the hungry populace. The requests for beers were met with stunned silence.
Flyer nods, affirmatively, looking over his sea of people.
High Flyer: Teach a man to fish, and he doesn’t need you anymore.
Jack casually crosses one leg over the other, while inspecting his right hand fingernails. His mouth moves, while his head starts to tick back and forth, as if he’s counting. Sure enough, on the tenth tick, Harmen stands.
High Flyer: Ah, so glad to see you all enjoying your sustenance! Don’t mind the dry, stale bread. Or that mushyness.
You notice some fans’ faces souring as they realize the hard bread wasn’t by design. Or, it wasn’t at first. Now, it could be argued it’s become part of said design.
High Flyer: Oh, fear not! Some old bread can not harm you. Only the poisoned mayo spread over it will do that job. For it will be the source of our great Harmen-y!
As the High Octane faithful realizes they’ve ingested poison, as you can only imagine, panic ensues. Some spike the remaining sandwiches in their hands, some start puking, and some start to shout angrily at Jack Harmen.
High Flyer: Calm down. You will all join my flock, forever. There is no escape. For it is a joyous and righteous day, as I sit upon you from my new throne.
Amid the chaos, you notice an old, broken down Doozer among the crowd. The former eGG Bandit was inspecting a sandwich, as weirdly as it sounds, like he recognized it. With a shake of the head, he breaks his focus on the sammy and scans his surroundings.
To his horror, The Dooze notices a presumably deaf, little girl bringing her sandwich up to her wide open mouth. Shedding the duffle bag off his shoulder and tossing his own sandwich to the side, the old man moves as fast as we’ve seen him move in years.
Dooze leaps as he gets close enough to the little girl, swatting the sandwich from her hands while flying through the air past her. Startled, she begins to cry, but her parents quickly console her and start signing to the girl that she was safe. The mother takes a quick break to sign a sincere “Thank you” to Dooze, who brushes himself off as he gets to his feet.
The wrestler formerly known as Doozerman nods, and shoots the still scared young girl a smile. The Old Bull quickly snaps his focus toward the bus, and the man standing atop it. Flyer meets his glare with a sinister smile,
High Flyer: And there is the very generous man, without whom YOUR last supper could not have happened!
Doozer’s head tilts to the side like a confused dog, as the grateful fans around him start to turn.
High Flyer: That’s right, folks. Your precious, poisoned sandwiches were brought to you by Doozer himself. Maybe next time he orders enough food backstage for an army, he’ll share… or at least, take care of the leftovers!
As the cheers around him turn to boos and threats, Doozer scurries back to pick up his duffle bag and flees.
High Flyer stands and scans around the crowd, as they begin to disperse. He looks concerned, but shrugs.
High Flyer: Alright, I guess your Sun God isn’t going to show up to protect you. Just so you all don’t sue, it wasn’t poison. You’ll be alright. Mostly. It was just really old. You may spend more time in the bathroom than you anticipated. See, I was trying to draw out the hero, the God of Sun… whatever. You understand.
Flyer looks at Rah’s throne, hawks, and spits on it. He looks around again. Nothing. He starts muttering to himself.
High Flyer: While I’m out here tryin’ ta poking the hero, he’s too busy pokin’ the girl at a Buffet! As if he could ever be YOUR God. Idiot sheeple.
He looks to a young man, maybe 21, sandy brown hair and glasses. He’s in the driver’s seat of the bus now.
High Flyer: Hey Fred, take me to that bar Sunny told us about.
Man: My name is Stan.
High Flyer: Shut up and drive Fred. Your name is what I tell you. Oh, and dump all these moldy definitely poisoned sandwiches.
High Flyer takes one last long look at the city’s horizon. He sneers.
High Flyer: Milwaukee deserves our trash.
There’s a large slopping “plop” as Stan and another helper use brooms to push the rest of the trash sandwiches out of the back of the bus. After a moment on a close up, Flyer’s eyes go wide. Suddenly, there’s a loud clang, and Flyer is thrown off frame.
Spearing Flyer into the back of the bus is none other than the Sun God! The HOW crowd cheers wildly as Rah makes his appearance, landing lefts and rights to Flyer, who’s just doing the best he can to cover up.
Joe Hoffman: That’s Rah! The Sun God is here! And he’s taking to High Flyer for stealing his throne!
Benny Newell: Lefts and rights! This is just a plain ‘ol fight! DRINK!
Joe Hoffman: I thought he was supposed to be at the Jimmy Buffet concert!
Rah is a man possessed, slamming his fists down over and over.
High Flyer: DRIVE!
Flyer screams while Rah fires off blows. The only respite is a lurch as the bus starts, and Rah has to regain his footing, before he continues the assault. The back doors of the bus swing and clatter, revealing and obscuring the fight until the bus turns off into the horizon.
Joe Hoffman: While they’ve come to blows tonight, I don’t know how much actually got resolved Benny.
Benny Newell: Just more tinder for the flames Hoffman! Bottom Line is gonna be one heck of a fight.
Joe Hoffman: Couldn’t agree more! Let’s take it back to the ring for the last match tonight here in Milwaukee, before tonight’s South Philly Main Event!
Eli Dresden vs. Jace Parker Davidson
We cut back to the HOW ring where Sutler Reynolds-Kael is chilling in the far corner with the microphone in hand. He’s smug, more smug than he normally would be given the ease of his match.
SRK: Up next your HOTv Champion Match!
The crowd comes to life as the chorus for “Never Look Back” by the Nearly Deads roars out over the Forum. The arena lights darken as a dazzling display of blue and white lights erupt along the stage and ramp. Eliza Dresden explodes out onto the stage as the crowd shows their support for the challenger.
SRK: Introducing first, the Challenger. From the City of Bridges, also somehow making 48,000, must be nice.. ELI DRESSSDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-N
Eli ignores Sutler’s introduction and allows the positivity and cheers of the fans to bolster her already high levels of energy. She thrusts a fist into the air as she reaches the edge of the stage to another strong pop from the crowd. With a burst of speed she launches herself down toward the ring, a serious, determined look on her face as she begins to focus on the task ahead of her.
She darts down to the ring, sliding in before kipping up to her feet. With three quick steps she closes the distance to the nearest turnbuckle and climbs it, one fist held high in the air.
SRK: And introducing the Champion…
Eli is dropped into darkness as the HOTv lights up. “The King Has Returned” flashes over the screen as smoke fills the stage. “Kingdom” by Jazson Gable begins to blare out over the Forum audience as the crowd boos the TV Champion’s arrival. Through the parting smoke walks JPD, the HOTv Championship draped over his shoulder.
SRK: Hey everybody, it’s the Wrestler of the Month for August, Chase Barker Danielson!
Sutler rubs his eyes and re-examines the cue card he is holding.
SRK: I said JAAAAAAAAAAACE PARKER DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVIDSON!
Jace doesn’t seem impressed with Sutler but even stranger, he is not being accompanied by Madison. The HOTv Champion makes his way steadily to the ring, taking his time as he sizes up Eli. The two lock eyes and maintain it even as Jace slides into the ring. He removes the HOTv Championship from around his waist and tosses it to Boettcher. Sutler shuffles out of the ring..
DING DING DING!
Joe Hoffman: This match is underway and you know there is bad blood between these two!
Benny Newell: Maybe even some STDs, somebody should look into that. I know Jace is clean but you never know about the side action!
Joe Hoffman: BENNY!
There is no hesitation from either JPD nor Eli as they rush toward each other, colliding in the center of the ring where they reign down rights and lefts on each other. Jace is able to push the fight to his advantage using his size, backing the smaller Dresden into the corner. Lighting her up with a series of vicious forearm shivers.
Joe Hoffman: Jace is hammering away with those forearms, the human skull just wasn’t designed to take that kind of damage.
Benny Newell: Bash her head in, Jace! DRIIIINK!
Eli is knocked down in the corner from the vicious attack as Matt Boettcher warns Jace to back off. The Champion doesn’t relent any longer than he must before he is dragging her out by her hair and up to her feet.
Joe Hoffman: The opening moments of this match have just been Jace having his way with Eli Dresden.
Benny Newell: He’s the most dominant HOTv Champion in history, Hoffman, what do you expect!? A kiddy fight!?
Joe Hoffman: Oh I’ll tell you what Jace wasn’t expecting, that!
Benny Newell: Shut up, Hoffman!
Eli with a huge upper cut that catches the King of Everything off guard. With her opponent dazed she takes off into the ropes. Jace snaps out of his surprise and charges after her only to get caught with a Tilt-A-Whirl head scissors that takes him off his feet! The crowd roars for Eli as Jace quickly slides to the outside of the ring to recover.
Joe Hoffman: The crowd is solidly behind arguable underdog Eli Dresden!
Benny Newell: Who the fuck cares about what the crowd thinks?! People who get distracted with appeasing the crowd never win1
Joe Hoffman: That.. is categorically wrong, Benny..
The high flyer from Pittsburgh doesn’t give Jace the time though as she launches herself over the top rope and into a Shooting Star Press! She crashes down through the HOTv Champion before popping up to her feet bellowing! The crowd joins her as “That Was Awesome” chants begin to fill the Forum.
Joe Hoffman: The OH-EM-GEE!
Benny Newell” You can’t win the title outside the ring, idiot! Now she’s gonna drag the King of Everything all the way back into the ring! No way she beats him with this!
Rolling Jace back into the ring, Eli makes a quick cover!
Jace easily kicks out right after two.Eli doesn’t let that deter her as she scrambles up to her feet, climbing the nearest turnbuckle. JPD slowly climbs to his feet as he stumbles around looking for his opponent. He turns just in time to see Eli launch herself through the air connecting with a solid drop kick that sends the Champion crashing down!
Joe Hoffman: A beautiful drop kick from Dresden! It caught Jace right dead center of his chest!
Benny Newell: Who gives a fuck about a drop kick! GET YOUR HEAD BACK IN THE GAME JACE!
Eli sweeps down and grabs both of Jace’s legs for a pin!
Once again Jace is able to power out of the hold well before the three count though his face displays an expression that was not ready for this level of explosive offense right out the gate.
Benny Newell: Get up Jace, for fuck’s sake! You can’t lose to a woman here!
Joe Hoffman: He might very well if she keeps this pace up!
Eli climbs the turnbuckle once again, signaling for another drop kick as Jace climbs to his feet. This time the veteran champion is ready though and as she launches herself at him, Jace steps to the side and swats her away. Eli crashes and burns, giving Jace a few moments to recover as he shakes off pain.
Noticing that Eli is beginning to recover, Jace suddenly launches forward with a burst of speed smashing his knee across the side of Eli’s head. The smaller opponent is spun around, her body falling limp to the mat. Jace puts a foot across her face and flexes as Boettcher drops for the pinfall.
Joe Hoffman: What an arrogant cover by the HOTv Champion.
Benny Newell: GREATEST HOTv Champion, Hoffman, you forgot to add that part in!
Eli knocks his leg away as she rolls onto her side. Jace reaches down and grabs her by the waist. With ease he lifts her up and smashes her down with a German Suplex, bridging for a pin!
Benny Newell: THAT’S IT!
Joe Hoffman: Boettcher drops into position!
Once again Eli is able to kick out, though with considerably less zeal than her previous one. Jace maintains waist control as he heaves her back up, turning her body as he drives her down with a Belly to Belly Release Suplex! Eli crashes down on her side and it looks as though she has hurt her arm. The HOTv Champion sees this and immediately begins to focus on the potential weakness.
Dragging her up by her potentially injured arm, Jace twists and grinds away using his knees and elbows. Eli is put through the paces as JPD contorts the arm looking for a submission win. After much effort Eli is finally able to get a foot in the ropes and Jace is forced to release her arm. Clearly there has been damage done as she favors the arm, rotating it and slapping.
Joe Hoffman: It looks like Jace might have just opened up a hole in the armor of Eli Dresden, that arm of hers looks like it might be injured!
Benny Newell: Didn’t this bitch just have medical woes? Suck it up and lose!
Jace once again presses his advantage as he darts in, his focus now on that arm. Dresden is faster though and manages to avoid Jace’s grapple, sweeping behind him with a Schoolboy Pin!
Jace manages to roll through the pinfall attempt, manipulating his body around Eli’s until he is able to get her into the Execution position!
Benny Newell: BREAK HER ARM!
Joe Hoffman: Jace has been hyper lethal with the Execution, crippling enemies before he finishes them off!
Eliza is able to squirm out of the hold, rolling back Jace as she now has him in a pinning position!
The HOTv Champion is quick to throw his shoulder out before grabbing a hold of his opponent’s arm before she can sneak away.
Joe Hoffman: Dear God, he folded her up like a cheap accordion!
Benny Newell: KING OF EVERYTHING! DRIIIIIIIIINK!
He nearly breaks Eli in half as he tosses her practically half way across the ring! She crumples beneath her own weight before clutching at the back of her head and arm. Jace once again rushes over and grabs her injured arm looking for the Execution Arm Breaker! Eli wraps her hands together with an S-lock as she attempts to fight off Jace’s attack!
Joe Hoffman: He’s going for it again but Eli knows and is fighting it!
Benny Newell: Fuck her! BREAK THE ARM! BREAK IT!
He begins to hammer down on her as he tries to break her arm free.. So he can break it!
A thunderous crack can be heard as Eli sends a foot crashing into the side of his head and neck. Institually he releases Eliza’s arm and retreats back holding his neck. Eliza climbs back up to her feet and charges forward..
Jace ducks beneath Dresden’s attack only to slip behind her, pulling the School Boy that she had done to him earlier! He folds her in half and puts all his weight down on his trapped opponent while grabbing a handful of tights!
Joe Hoffman: He’s got the tights! Boettcher can’t see it!
Benny Newell: I don’t see anything but a textbook perfect School Boy!
Benny Newell: HE GOT HER WITH THE SURPRISE ROLL UP!
SRK: The WINNER OF THIS MATCH VIA PINFALL IN 14 MINUTES AND 20 SECONDS… AND STILL YOUR HOTV CHAMPION… JAAAAAAAAACE PARKER DAAAAAAAAAAAAVIDSON!
Jace quickly pushes off Eliza Dresden as an absolutely stunned crowd are barely sure how to create. As soon as Jace has his HOTv Championship again he hoists it high into the air, the fans booing him. Dresden looks completely dejected, her own face moving from shock to disgust.
Joe Hoffman: Eli is taking exception to how Jace stole that one, and I for one can’t blame her!
Benny Newell: She’s just a sore fucking loser–WHOA!
That exclamation comes in response to Dresden firing JPD into the ropes backfirst–but the fates aren’t feeling too kind toward the HOTV Champion since the angle he hits them means his arms are tangled up in them! Standing in the middle of the ring, Eli stares at the trapped man who has been an asshole to damn near everyone around him… before an absolutely evil smirk graces her lips.
Joe Hoffman: Now that’s a look I would never wanna see on that woman’s face, Benny–but the crowd is loving it!
Benny Newell: They’re idiots, Joe! Someone get Jace out of there!
As the announcers bicker, Dresden saunters her way over to the corner nearest to where Sutler’s sitting. Climbing up onto the ropes partway, Eli can be dimly heard asking the HOW World Champion for the mic he’s holding–and with an expression of ‘This is gonna be good.’? SRK is indeed bringing it to her. The crowd cheers as Eli baps the mic to make sure it’s working.
Dresden: Thanks, darlin’! You should probably ask the A/V guys to get you a new one, though. I don’t think you’re gonna wanna have your hands on this one when I’m done.
Smirking like a Cheshire Cat, the blond turns her attention to where Jace is struggling to try to free himself–and unfortunately for him? He’s not succeeding. Judging by how his lips are moving, he’s obviously shit-talking the woman who has been a thorn in his side since her debut.
Dresden: Oh, Sugartits… karma’s a bitch, ain’t she? Because after all the cheapshots and the ambushes and the bullshit you’ve spewed to try to put me in my place, look at who’s entirely at my mercy. Maybe if you wouldn’t have beaten the Hell out of her, Maddie would be here to save you–or maybe if you hadn’t made a point of actin’ like you were above them all, one of your buddies from the Best Alliance would be runnin’ down here to rescue you from little ol’ me. But look down the ramp, Jace. Go ahead, look.
Dresden makes a grand gesture toward the ramp and the stage…both of which are empty.
Dresden: No one’s coming to save you from the consequences of your actions–and before you try to rub your few working brain cells together to figure out what I’m gonna do to you, let me tell you what I just realized. See, I was trying to figure out why you were so OBSESSED with the idea of me being a replacement pussy when there was no way in Hell that I’d fuck you… but then it hit me. You were never aware that you had your own pussy all this time!
…and cue JPD looking confused.
Joe Hoffman: What is Eli talking about?
Benny Newell: I don’t know, and I don’t wanna find out. Someone do something, get down here and help this man get away from this crazy bitch.
Eli laughs to herself.
Dresden: See, I knew you’d be confused–I mean, we’ve established you’re a dumbass, so I thought that instead of sendin’ a PA after construction paper and crayons, I’d SHOW you what I meant.
Turning the microphone to one side, the end which does not hold the microphone itself is lightly motioned toward her cheek, her tongue making the opposite cheek bulge outward… and as realization dawns on Jace’s face? Horror is right on its heels, JPD frantically struggling to get free as Dresden approaches him, the crowd roaring in anticipation!
Joe Hoffman: No way. No way is she gonna–
Benny Newell: IN THE NAME OF LEE, SOMEBODY STOP THIS! THIS ISN’T RIGHT!
Getting a handful of Jace’s hair, Eli yanks his head up to make him look at her–their heated exchange not quite picked up past the sound of Jace still trying to free himself. What follows is something that JPD isn’t gonna forget anytime soon as Dresden jams the mic downward, Jace’s eyes watering as she forces him to suck those few inches of plastic down! The fans lose their collective minds at this vulgar display.
Joe Hoffman: HOLYSH—-!
Benny Newell: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Dresden leans in, making a point of speaking up so she can be heard past the sound of Jace gagging.
Dresden: See, Sugartits? I told you that you had your very own pussy to play with! Maybe now you’ll stop reducin’ all the women you come across as nothing but their pussies, though let’s be real. I don’t think you’re smart enough to learn that lesson. Ah well, can’t be said I didn’t try!
Eli cackles to herself as Jace trembles, clearly not happy with his current predicament.
Dresden: Now now, there’s no need to panic. Breathe through your nose and you’ll be just fine… though I don’t think the whole royal schtick you’ve got goin’ on is gonna survive this. But hey, since I’m such a giving person, I’ll even give you a new moniker. You’re not the King of Everything anymore, Sugartits. Oh, no…
Leaning in just a little, Dresden’s smirk reaches new levels of chaotic neutral.
Dresden: From here on out… you will be known as DEEPTHROAT DAVIDSON!
The cheer that comes from the crowd is interspersed with laughter, Jace renewing his struggles to get free–but since he’s the one that’s basically on his knees, it turns out escape’s not so easy. As the fans pick up the chant of ‘DEEP-THROAT DAV-ID-SON!’ those struggles only intensify… or, at least, they do until Eli’s shoving that mic in just a little bit more.
Dresden: So sure, you stole a win from me again. That’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. There will be other opportunities, ones that I’ll succeed at seizin’. You, though… your monarchy is dead and buried. So enjoy my lips being this close to yours, Sugartits, because it won’t be happening again. I wish you the BEST in your deepthroating endeavors.
And then, to add insult to injury? Eli’s pressing the lightest kiss in the middle of Jace’s forehead before releasing her hold on both his hair and the mic, Never Look Back hitting the sound system as she leaves JPD to his fate. Slumping forward in the ropes, the mic falls to the mat, most of it covered in a thick layer of saliva.
Joe Hoffman: Eli Dresden has made one Hell of a statement here tonight, folks!
Benny Newell: Statement?! That was assault!
Joe Hoffman: An assault that closes the chapter on this rivalry in decisive fashion, and I for one think that Jace is going to remember this for a good, long time.
Benny Newell: He’ll forget about it soon enough, just in time to–shit, he’s facing Darin Zion at Bottom Line. SHIT!
We cut to our final commercial break of the evening as crewmen rush into the ring to come to the aid of the HOTv Champion.
Farthington vs. Cancer Jiles
Back from our final commercial break and we now cut live inside the 2300 arena here in Philadelphia.
The arena is packed and the fans are rabidly chanting for the hometown hero Cancer Jiles as we see Rick “Even” Stevens standing inside the HOFC octagon waiting on the fighters.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back everyone for our Main Event of the evening. Benny and I will be calling the action from here in Milwaukee as we watch the action along side everyone else here on High Octane Television.
Benny Newell: Listen to these fucking poor’s chanting for the man that cost Lee and the Best Alliance the World Championship. I hope Farthington breaks his fucking arm tonight.
The Hall of Fame announcers can be barely heard on the broadcast as the crowd continues to chant:
FUCK HIM UP JILES….FUCK HIM UP
FUCK HIM UP JILES….FUCK HIM UP
The chants immediately turn to boos as “Mr. Finish Line” by Vulfpeck hits the PA system and Cecilworth Farthington makes his way out from the back.
He pauses and takes in all the hate and smiles as he slowly makes his way towards the octagon.
Several fans reach out to touch him and he continually smacks their hands away gleefully.
Joe Hoffman: Farthington sure does not seem to be bothered by all the hate being thrown at him right now by the Philadelphia fans.
Benny Newell: Those assholes booed Santa and threw batteries at the poor bastard. You honestly think this is going to bother the man that INVITES the hate? C’mon Joe. This is Farthington’s fucking Christmas tonight and Jiles tapping will be the present we all deserve.
Joe Hoffman: Well we are moments away from finding out as we see Farthington is now inside the HOFC cage and being checked by Stevens.
The music stops and the crowd continues to boo loudly at Farthington who is still smiling.
As the camera zooms in we see that there is a tear flowing down the face of Farthington.
Joe Hoffman: Is…..Is he crying??
Benny Newell: Tears of fucking joy Joe. Farthington is a good boi and he just cannot hide how HAPPY he is right now.
Suddenly “I am the Cool” hits the PA system and all focus turns towards the entrance ramp as Jile’s theme music has the place going ballistic.
Benny Newell: As much as I hate fucking Jiles at the moment…….Take this reaction and put it directly into my veins Joe. I have not heard something like this since we were in Chicago during the summer of 2011. My God…..what a fucking reaction…..fuck.
Joe Hoffman: The hometown hero is home everyone. These fans packed this arena for this sole match. They have been here for hours and now it is there moment.
But there is no sign of Jiles….
Joe Hoffman: He is probably taking it all in backstage….
Still no Jiles……
Benny Newell: Maybe he is puking in the toilet right now knowing that he is FUCKED and he is going to be tossed to Pittsburgh after he loses tonight.
Suddenly EVERYONE turns towards the balcony and we see Cancer Jiles standing amongst the fans. The fans are hugging and patting him on the back. One fan hands him a blunt and Jiles takes it and with a gleam in his eye he takes a big hit.
Instead of handing the blunt back to the man, he pushes the man out of the way, and grabs the man’s girlfriend by the back of her head and leans in and kisses her, blowing the smoke into her lungs.
Finished, he pushes her away and she begins choking, and her boyfriend gives Jiles a high five before taking the blunt back from Jiles.
Joe Hoffman: Well if that’s not a hero’s welcome I don’t know what it is….
But before Joe can continue we see Jiles stand up on the railing and turn his back toward the crowd.
Benny Newell: JUMP ASSHOLE…..END ALL OUR SUFFERING…….DO IT!!!!!
And he does.
Jiles falls backwards from the balcony and the crowd below catches him in the ultimate trust fall ever captured on HOTv.
The fans stagger at first, but then steadily begin to crowd surf Jiles towards the octagon, his arms out to his side as if he is some Philadelphia Jesus.
Benny Newell: I am not going to lie…this entrance is fucking awesome.
Joe Hoffman: The man could have died right then and there…..unbelievable.
Jiles crowd surfs all the way to the steel guard rail and the crowd drops him on the other side. Jiles high fives several of the fans in the front row and is handed a beer by one of the fans and he takes the beer down with one drink and tosses it behind him as he turns towards the octagon and focuses in on Farthington and the task at hand.
Jiles slowly entrances the octagon and takes off his glasses and tosses them into the crowd behind him as his music stops and Stevens checks him for weapons.
Jiles grabs his crotch and motions to Stevens that that is the only weapon he is carrying.
Joe Hoffman: Jiles is just LOVING this. What an absolute banger of an atmosphere.
Benny Newell: Banger? Like Bangor Maine? Or like Bang Her atmosphere? Cause you know…
Joe Hoffman: IT’S A GREAT ATMOSPHERE BENNY…JESUS H CHRIST!!!
Back in the octagon, Stevens is satisfied and asks both men if they are ready, and both nod their heads that they are.
As the crowd is in a complete manic state Stevens signals for the bell and our HOFC Main Event is finally ready to start.
DING DING DING
Farthington rushes towards Jiles……
Jiles rushes towards Farthington…..
The two men meet in the middle
Joe Hoffman: TERMINAL CANCER!!!!!!
Jiles superkicks Farthington…..
Benny Newell: ARTICLE 50!!!!!!!!! ARTICLE FUCKING 50!!!!!!
Inside the octagon we see Jiles go for the superkick but Farthington was ready and he sidestepped the rushing man and grabbed his arm and jumped up and used the mans own momentum to spin him and lock in the cross arm breaker.
Farthington is able to hold onto the hold as they both violently fall to the mat due to the momentum.
The crowd is in absolute stunned silence as Farthington rears back hard on the arm…..
DING DING DING
Joe Hoffman: HE TAPPED!!!!! HE TAPPED!!!!
Stevens jumps down and forces Farthington to let go of the hold as the local PA announcer makes it official for the stunned fans.
Joe Blow: WINNER OF THE FUCKING MATCH IN FIVE FUCKING SECONDS……CECILWORTH FUCKOFFFOREVERTON!!!!
As the realization sinks in of what just happened the crowd begins to toss anything that they can get their hands on into the octagon.
The show literally comes to a abrupted end as Farthington is standing in the middle of the HOFC ring taking in all the hate from the crowd with chairs and garbage flying all around him.
World Championship Match
Conor Fuse vs. Sutler Reynolds-Kael©
LSD Championship Match
Clay Byrd vs John Sektor©
HOTv Championship Match
Darin Zion vs. Jace Parker Davidson©
Rah vs. High Flyer
Xander Azula vs. Jatt Starr
The SON vs. The FATHER