Event Date: August 7, 2021
- 1. Opener
- 2. Taking out the garbage
- 3. The Sunshine God
- 4. Rah vs. High Flyer
- 5. You. Are. Nothing
- 6. Fine
- 7. Cancer Jiles vs. Steve Harrison
- 8. King of Stomp Style
- 9. Jace Parker Davidson vs. Kevin Capone
- 10. Call Sign
- 11. !RANK
- 12. Hail Eris, hail Discordia
- 13. It's My Job
- 14. BOTF
- 15. John Sektor vs. Darin Zion
- 16. BONUS SEGMENT
The HOTv logo gives way as “Blood Runs Red” hits the PA system and we cut live inside the Little Caesars Arena here in Detroit Michigan.
The camera pans high above the ring and around the arena as fans stand up in excitement for the beginning of the show.
As soon as the theme song hits the chorus it abruptly ends and is replaced with the opening chords of “Undead” as the GOD of HOW slowly makes his way out from the back with the 4th generational wrestler, The Wahl, by his side.
Joe Hoffman: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the 70th edition of Refueled live here on High Octane Television. I am Joe Hoffman and as always I am joined by the man to my left, and fellow Hall of Famer, Big Buff Benny Newell……and Benny what a way to kick off the show…..Lee is here in Detroit!!!
Benny Newell: It has been a bit since we see Lee in anything other than an office setting and I CANNOT wait to hear what GOD has to say.
The music suddenly stops as Lee is seen holding his hand up in the air signaling to the folks in the back to cut his music. The 4th Wahl hands Lee a microphone and a sly smile comes across the face of the GOD of HOW as takes in the atmosphere as all eyes are on him.
Lee Best: As most of you know when I come out here to speak I do not waste much time and get straight to the point. Before I get to the reason why I am out here I do want to just put this out into the universe that if I COULD see, I would be seeing an arena that is NOT sold out.
The crowd boos loudly at the realization that HOW did not sell out here in Detroit.
Lee Best: Now I will take full blame for this place not being full tonight. I mean…….I am the one that booked that pathetic opening match of Bobby Dean and Mitch Quinlan. Just chalk that up to a lesson learned and if that kept a few folks from buying a ticket…..shame on me. Will NOT happen again….I assure you.
Lee pauses and appears to look out into the crowd and take in everyone that did show up.
Lee Best: For those of you that are here in attendance you will get to see two titles matches tonight and the rat bastard himself, Cancer Jiles, getting his ass kicked by Best Alliance member Steve Harrison. You will also get to scream RAH at the top of your lungs as he is in action against Mr. Jack Harmen who is a Hall of Famer everywhere but here. Put that on a shirt asap someone. Jack….show me something tonight…..I sure would hate to see you join the ranks of those that will fall victim to the pending budget cuts here at the end of the month.
Lee nods his head up and down as he lets that last sentence sink with the live and viewing crowd.
Lee Best: But I am not here to go over the card tonight. You assholes bought your tickets already and the reason I am out here is to make a couple announcements regarding Bottomline. That is right……the next HOW PPV is only three weeks away and although I know we will ALWAYS sell out in Chicago……the card is NOT up to my liking.
Now Lee is shaking his head back and forth as the Detroit faithful boo loudly at the mention of Chicago.
Lee Best: Nope not at all. So some quick hitting news. Cancer Jiles who has turned into the old worthless fuck of a draw Jiles, will take his HOFC beating NOT at the PPV but next week in Milwaukee for our last show before the PPV. I know my favorite person in the whole wide world, Farthington, will make sure that the Jiles experiment is killed in Milwaukee and I don’t have to see that Cancer in Chicago anymore.
The crowd buzzes at the announcement of next weeks Main Event.
Lee Best: Speaking of HOFC. Let me just say that The Bottomline Match, ya I am calling it that, featuring my Son and I just feels……I dunno……wasted. What could have been a big time deal is just…..flat. So with that in mind my Son and I will kick off the Bottomline PPV and we will get the bullshit outta the way. Best vs. Best sells itself but with what I have in mind…..well lets just say its BEST we get it out of the way as soon as possible on August 28th in Chicago.
The crowd again boos at the mention of the Windy City.
Joe Hoffman: Wow big news there. Farthington and Jiles moved off the PPV and to next weeks Refueled. Lee vs. Mike is now going to OPEN the PPV where I agree with Lee….it should have been the main event inside The Best Arena in Chicago Illinois for a PPV that is named after Lee’s infamous pen.
Benny for once is dead quiet as he is transfixed on Lee and the microphone.
Lee Best: Finally I want to talk about Mr. Wahl here. As most of you know he has been tasked with standing guard outside of Solex’s cell at Alcatraz but I needed him here tonight. The reason? Simple. Someone else will be heading to Alcatraz tonight and where I sent Solex there to get help……this person is getting sent as straight up punishment.
The GOD of HOW stands up on his toes to pat the 4th Wahl on the shoulder before wrapping up.
Lee Best: Last thing…I promise….I am putting it out there right now that I will no longer be allowing certain assholes in the back to continue to cost me money. If it ends up being just myself and my Son at the end then so be it. I have no issues making a shit ton of budget cuts every week if that means I am left with folks putting the time and effort to keep HOW going. To those that aren’t….FUCK YOU!!!
Lee tosses the microphone towards the ring and it bounces on the end of the entrance ramp, shattering, with shards of plastic and metal exploding everywhere. The crowd in one section begin to scream in horror as a kid in the front row can be seen bleeding. Of course he is wearing a Bobby Dean shirt.
Lee smiles as if he can see the boy as the boy begins to cry and blood drips from his eye as his parents begin screaming for help.
Benny Newell: Blame that squarely on Bobby Dean. If he didn’t fuck up tonight Lee would NOT have tossed the microphone and the poor fat fuck of a child, fittingly wearing a Dean shirt, wouldn’t be sobbing into his fathers side boob at the moment. Fucking pussy.
Joe Hoffman: THAT IS A CHILD BENNY!!!
Benny Newell: They are all fucking children. Fuck them and Fuck Detroit.
Joe is in shock as “Undead” hits the PA system again as Lee and the 4th Wahl head towards the back as Refueled takes an emergency commercial break as the medics tend to the bleeding child.
Taking out the garbage
Back live from the first commercial break we cut backstage.
After his defeat in a Dark Match the lovable King of Dean wasn’t even allowed to return to his dressing room, made to wait by the back door, the camera staying on him the entire time. Two EPU security guards arrive with a trash bag containing whatever he had left behind in the locker room.
EPU Guard A: The boss had us clear your shit out. Here you go.
Guard A tosses the bag at Bobby’s feet before pulling a stun baton out. Guard B tosses Bobby’s paycheck at him with about as much reverence as someone tossing away a spent cigarette.
EPU Guard B: Mr. Best further said he’d call you but for budget reasons he needed you to vacate this arena; only profitable wrestlers get to stay for the show. Finally he wanted to add Go Fuck Yourself.
The guard with the stun stick then points toward the exit making it clear he is excited at the prospect of potentially using his little weapon. Bobby collects his things before exiting out the door and into the Summer night in Detroit.
Dean looks up at the sky and sighs before solemnly heading out to his rental in the densely packed parking lot. He picked his way past HOW staffers and gave the production truck a long, thoughtful glance before shuffling on. At least he’d beat the traffic.
Without warning poor Bobby is struck by a lime green Chevrolet Spark with a glowing pink UBER sign in the back window. Dean hits the hood and spins off, landing in a heap very clearly unconscious. A small pool of blood begins to form around his head as the Spark backs up.
The passenger side door opens as MAXKAELJr. Squeezes out like a tough shit. He makes his way around to the drivers side backstreet door and opens it. The boos can be heard all the way outside as High Octane Wrestling World Champion, Sutler Reynolds-Kael, slips out with the #97Red Title wrapped around his waist.
SRK: Oh noes! I wouldn’t have expect snow.. Flakes… in the August. Global Warming, right?
Sutler skips over to Bobby, kneeling down next to him with a shake of his head.
SRK: At the start of the year, Blobby Dean, you beat me, fair and square, in the middle of a High Octane Wrestling ring for the whoooole world to see. Christ, I see it every morning when I wake up. Right before I go to bed every night you know what I hear? Three slaps of the map and Bryan McVay saying your name and not mine. It fucking haunts me, honestly. You were GIVEN a win over the Son of Scions and what did you do with it?
The World Champion dips his finger in the pool of blood and smears it between his fingers looking disappointed.
SRK: I thought you must have been some kind of God hiding in the pathetic body of an eGG Bandit. The only man to defeat me in a HOW wrestling match. Turns out you’re just a man. So disappointing. You know how long I’ve been planning this? I literally spent most of my time sitting in an uber waiting for you to leave the Arena and you finally did it! You finally left the arena and I finally found an UBER driver willing to commit a felony, a lot harder than you’d think. Thank you Detroit!
The Son of Scions rolls Bobby onto his back to reveal Dean’s busted open forehead.
SRK: ..and now you’re just another smudge on the sidewalk. Just another example of all the GIVING I’ve been doing in HOW. Giving Conor Fuse credibility. Giving Darin Zion a chance to prove himself. Giving Teddy Palmer a Main Event spot. Giving Clay Byrd a chance to join the Kael Family. All I do is GIVE to HOW and nobody ever says thank you! We’ll I’m done giving, Bobby! NO MORE GIVING. No more charity from the Champion. From here on out I’m TAKING.
Sulter spits on Bobby before he turns back toward the Uber, swaggering as he goes.
SRK: And since I hate Little Caesars Pizza I think the people who live here are trash, I think I’ll head over to Green Bay, see what a City of Winners looks up up here. SUTLER.. oOOoOOOOoooOOOOUT!
The World Champion slithers back into the Uber along with MAXKAELJr. The lime green Spark quietly pulls away as we focus back in on the blooded and broken Bobby. The crowd voices their displeasure as we cut away.
The Sunshine God
The action cuts to another part of the arena as there’s some drama in the dressing room of Rah- The Sunshine God.
The ex-Arizona State sorority girls are dressed and ready wearing shark hats, Hawaiian leis, Hawaiian shirts, hats made out of cardboard Landshark Beer cartons, and other decorative attire. But instead of frolicking backstage taking selfies of themselves and posting them on social media, they’re huddled around Barbie-Q. She too dressed in festive tropical attire and sipped on a Mai Tai with her cell phone pensively held to her ear.
The four men who carry Rah to the ring also mill about. The four palm trees of which Rah’s regal hammock is tied to sits on the floor awaiting the Sunshine God… who is not there.
Barbie-Q: Come on… answer the phone.
Rah’s voicemail kicks in… it’s just a recording of Jimmy Buffett’s ‘Pascagoula Run.’
It’s time to see the world
It’s time to kiss a girl
It’s time to cross the wild meridian
Grab your bag and take a chance
Time to learn a cajun dance
Kid your gonna see the mornin’ sun
On the Pascagoula run…
She motions to the girls to keep calm.
Barbie-Q: I’ll try again.
Barbie dials Rah’s number again and waits.
It’s time to see the world
It’s time to kiss a girl-
Barbie-Q clicks off her phone.
Leaning against the locker, Sunny O’Callahan snickers and shakes her head.
Barbie-Q ignores the gloating O’Callahan and motions to the girls and the four men.
Barbie-Q: You guys get ready to move. I’ll keep trying to reach him.
She takes her cell phone and again dials Rah.
It’s time to see the wor-
A loud clearing of the throat is heard.
As Barbie-Q and the rest of the ASU squad peer over, we see none other than High Flyer, Rah’s opponent tonight, laying on Rah’s regal hammock.
The collective group stand slackjawed at the disrespect.
At first, there is no movement, before Flyer clears his throat.
High Flyer: I am your new ruler now. Rah may be the God of the Sun, but I am the God of WRESTLING. So. CHOP CHOP!
Flyer claps his hands toward the four men who would normally carry Rah around. They look at each other, muttering.
High Flyer: Hey! Your new God isn’t getting any younger!
Reluctantly, the four men shrug their shoulders at once another and make their way to Flyer’s side. It’s only Barbie-Q who stops them. Her anger turning her voice shrill.
Barbie-Q: GET OUT OF THE HAMMOCK!
High Flyer: Alright. Alright.
Flyer pushes himself to his feet, dusting himself off. He walks up to Barbie.
High Flyer: If you ever wanna trade up… you know where to find me.
Flyer looks over to the four men standing around the hammock.
High Flyer: You guys carry Rah to the ring…
Flyer turns his head back to Barbie-Q.
High Flyer: I’ll carry him inside it. He flashes her a wink, and walks off. We hear the chorus of ‘Pascagoula Run’ lightly in the background before fading to commerical break.
Rah vs. High Flyer
As we come back from commercial, we see the Hall of Fame duo ready to call the first live match of the evening.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen to our first live match of the evening between High Flyer and…..
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Joe Hoffman: That’s right Benny, and as we saw yesterday in a news post on HOWrestling.com, Rah and former LSD champion, Dawn McGill, tied the knot.
Benny Newell: WOOF!
Joe Hoffman: What?
Benny Newell: Dawn McGill is the type of woman you look at when you have beer goggles on Hoffman and I’ll never be that drunk to put my flesh sword in or if I sheath it five times. DRINK!
“All Aboard! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA…”
A light fog rises up from the entrance way as the opening guitar rift kicks in. Parting the smoke is High Flyer, who stands confidently at the top of the entrance ramp.
Bryan McVay: introducing first, from Bethlehem, PA, weighing in at 220 pounds……he is…….HIGH! FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYER!
He tosses one hand up in a devil horn taunt, and smiles slyly to the camera.
Benny Newell: What the fuck is that smell Hoffman?
Joe Hoffman: Smells like Jack Daniels….
Benny Newell: Shut your fucking mouth Hoffman! It smells like piss and shit!
He stomps his way to the ring, paying very little attention to the crowd. Once he reaches ringside, he slips in under the bottom rope, then sprawls on his back.
Benny Newell: Ugh! It’s Flyer!
Joe Hoffman: Well it looks like he hasn’t shaved or changed his gear in a while.
Benny Newell: Does that mean he hasn’t showered as well? Dear Lee! He needs to quit hanging out with Witness at the homeless shelter.
Joe Hoffman: For the last time Witness isn’t homeless…..
Benny Newell: Fuck you and yes he is!
Over the loudspeaker we hear an acoustic guitar, a slide guitar, and a meaty rhythm guitar.
Jimmy Buffett’s voice then comes out over the speakers.
Work, work, work
A big pile of it and the boss is a jerk
I just want to disappear
Wishin’ I was somewhere other than here
The lights turn off and a small spotlight illuminates the ramp where a group of former Arizona State sorority sisters come out all dressed up in Hawaiian flowery dresses, Hawaiian leis, and head gear, and some even sport pirate patches in one eye and a stuffed toy parrot on their shoulder. The girls dance to the music with boat drinks of all kinds, having a grand ol’ time taking selfies of themselves with their cell phones.
Livin’ for the weekend
Jumpin’ off the deep end
With just enough money to buy
A license to chill- and I believe I will
Then Barbie-Q comes out wearing a multi-colored bikini with a sash that has ‘Barbie-Q’ written out on it. She’s got a Hawaiian lei on as well and sports a Mai Tai drink in her hand. Barbie rolls her eyes at the antics of the ex-ASU sorority sisters but then joins them in dancing on the stage.
Let the rat race run, roll around in the sun until
Trouble turns funny, songs get sung
A little bit of money, the night’s still young
Leave me alone, I’ve got a license…
License to chill.
Sunny O’Callahan comes out next. Not dressed festively, she walks out with a spring in her step and literally skips down the ramp to the ring with a huge smile on her face as the instrumental break to the Jimmy Buffett song, aptly named ‘License to Chill’ plays on.
The crowd rises to their feet in anticipation as four large, hulking men carry out four large palm trees with a giant hammock tied to each tree because inside the hammock would be a six-foot eight inch, two-hundred-and-eighty-pound man dressed in a Hawaiian print shirt and a pair of Bermuda shorts sipping a margarita from a large glass.
Except he’s not.
Joe Hoffman: Wait a minute. I don’t see Rah.
Benny Newell: He must be doing a super special entrance this week because he’s RAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The four men carry on as best they can and bring the empty hammock to ringside.
Being the professional that he is- Hall of Fame professional, that is- Rah or no Rah Bryan McVay raises the microphone and does the introduction anyways.
Bryan McVay: Ladies and gentlemen. From sunny Southern California. The reason the Earth doesn‘t float away in the vastness of space…the reason it’s eighty degrees outside and not minus four hundred and fifty-nine point six seven…and the reason Brian Wilson AND Jimmy Buffett wrote all those great songs…ladies and gentlemen… the Sunshine God…… RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
With O’Callahan smirking at ringside, a concerned Barbie-Q leads the bewildered sorority sisters and the rest of the procession down to the ring steps where it stops where Rah would normally climb out of the hammock and takes in the acclamation from the crowd.
Barbie-Q looks towards the back in hope that the Sunshine God would make his appearance.
Joe Hoffman: Ummmmmm………..where is he?
Benny Newell: Be patient.
A few moments go by and Rah doesn’t appear and High Flyer begins to get impatient.
Joe Hoffman: Did Rah know he was booked to compete this week.
Benny Newell: Of course he did Hoffman, do you really think he wants to be alone with Dawn Medusa?
High Flyer begins to yell at Hortega and the official calls for the bell.
Joe Hoffman: And here we go I guess………
Hortega begins to count out Rah.
There appears to be some commotion going on as the crowd to come alive as Rah appears from the back.
Benny Newell: HE’S HERE! I TOLD YOU HOFFMAN! RAAAAAAAAAH! IS HERE! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Rah sprints to the ring and slides into the ring at the count of nueve and Harmen is immediately on him as he begins stomping away at the Sunshine God.
Joe Hoffman: Jack Harmen starting the assault early.
Flyer delivers a stiff kick to the face of Rah stunning the Sunshine God. Cover.
Rah presses Harmen off of him.
Joe Hoffman: Rah showing his strength as he easily presses Harmen off of him.
Harmen quickly jumps up and double stomps Rah in the chest sending the air out of the Sunshine God.
Benny Newell: You don’t need air to breathe! You’re immortal! You’re RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Instead of going for the cover, High Flyer begins to choke the Sunshine God.
High Flyer: YOU THINK YOU’RE A GOD?!?!?!?!?
Harmen screams at Rah.
High Flyer: I’M THE GOD OF FLYING! BOW TO ME!
Harmen continues to yell as he lets go of the choke before Hortega counts to cinco.
Benny Newell: What the fuck is this lunatic screaming about Hoffman?
Joe Hoffman: Apparently he wants to be acknowledged as the God of High Flying maybe?
Benny Newell: Great. Wonderful. Another crazed bum that thinks they are a god of something. If he starts saying he is the God of the LSD division I’ll drink myself into a coma.
Harmen uses his speed and agility to jump to his feet and hit the ropes with a purpose and as Rah gets to all fours, Harmen drills Rah in the face with a running knee.
High Flyer: You wanted my sandwich?!?!?!? You don’t deserve it!
Harmen yells as he runs and kicks Rah in the ribs.
Rah kicks out.
Harmen immediately starts to choke Rah.
High Flyer: You don’t deserve her!
Benny Newell: Is he talking about his sandwich or Dawn McGill?
Joe Hoffman: I have no clue.
Benny Newell: Fair enough. DRINK!
Harmen lets go of the choke before the count of cinco, and he begins to pull Rah to his feet. Flyer whips Rah towards the ropes……
Joe Hoffman: Reverse!
As Harmen slingshots off of the ropes Rah bends over looking for a back body drop, but Flyer leapfrogs Rah and jumps onto the middle rope. As Rah turns around, Flyer launches himself off of the ropes and connects with a flying forearm sending Rah towards the corner.
Benny Newell: COME ON RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Harmen charges in and delivers a jumping clothesline stunning the big man before he climbs up and begins to deliver rights to Rah.
High Flyer: Ham!
High Flyer: Cheese!
High Flyer: Lettuce!
High Flyer: Tomato!
High Flyer: You don’t deserve it false god!
High Flyer: Slice bread number three!
Harmen screams as he grabs Rah and walks forward before turning towards the corner and running up t he ropes but Rah counters by tossing Harmen behind him.
Joe Hoffman: Counter from Rah.
Harmen dashes towards Rah and leaps looking for another clothesline but the Sunshine God catches him.
Joe Hoffman: Sidewalk slam!
Benny Newell: That was a Side-RAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Slam Hoffman.
Harmen pops the shoulder up before the count of tres.
Joe Hoffman: Harmen almost got caught there.
Rah reaches down to pick up Harmen, but Jack quick kicks him in the face stunning the Sunshine God. Harmen goes over to Rah and delivers a hard right, but it seems to have made Rah angry. Harmen punches him again, but Rah takes it like a champ and gets more angry. Harmen looks around before delivering a third right causing Rah to look direct at his opponent and start shaking.
Crowd: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! RAAAAAAAAAH!
Joe Hoffman: Rah is feeding off of this crowd here tonight.
Benny Newell: HE’S RAAAAAAAAAAAAH-ING UP! THOSE CAMERA PHONE FLASHLIGHTS ARE FEEDING HIM POWER HOFFMAN!
Harmen goes for another punch and Rah takes it as he points at Harmen as the crowd and Benny yells…..
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Harmen goes for another but Rah blocks it and delivers a punch of his own and keeps delivering right hands as he backs High Flyer against the ropes to whip him across the ring. As he comes back he delivers a big boot to Harmen.
Joe Hoffman: High Flyer catches that size fifteen across the face and maybe be looking to end it here.
Rah hits the ropes and leaps up high and High Flyer’s life flashes before his eyes.
Benny Newell: From Dusk till Dawn Leg Drop of Doom!
High Flyer kicks out at the last minute.
Benny Newell: Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!?!?
Rah can’t believe it as he holds up three fingers but Hortega says it was dos.
Joe Hoffman: Rah was a heartbeat away from being the victor there.
Rah looks at his faithful worshipers and signals it time to sacrifice his opponent for the Temple of the Sunshine God.
Joe Hoffman: Rah is signaling the end is near.
Benny Newell: I’m sure the Salvation Army gods will be pleased.
Rah places his opponent between his legs and looks towards the heavens of the Little Caesars Arena with arms stretched out soaking in the praise and worship of his followers.
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Rah looks towards the selfie-taking ex-sorority girls first who ignore Rah and continue to take selfies) Rah shakes his head as he then looks towards Sports Entertainment Barbie who is filing her nails and doesn’t acknowledge her Sunshine God.
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Rah once again looks towards the crowd. After receiving the necessary strength from his faithful, Rah proceeds to executing his finishing move as he lifts High Flyer high into the air.
Benny Newell: EYE OF RAAAAAAAAAAH!
Joe Hoffman: Not yet Benny.
Harmen plunges his fingers into the eyes of Rah and rakes the hell out of his golden eyes.
Benny Newell: DQ THAT MAN!
As Rah staggers around the ring, Harmen goes to the outside and stands on the apron. Flyer waits for Rah to get near and jumps to the top and launches himself at Rah. Harmen wraps his legs around Rah’s neck and flips backwards…..or so he thought.
Joe Hoffman: Hurricanrana attempt blocked!
The pissed off look on Rah’s face says it all as he lets out a primal yell before lifting Flyer up and running towards the corner and tossing him at it.
Joe Hoffman: Buckle bomb!
The whiplash from the turnbuckle powerbomb sends high Flyer staggering forward to a waiting Sunshine God. Rah slaps his massive hand around the throat of Harmen and lifts him high into the air and spins around and spikes him into the canvas for a ring shaking choke slam.
Joe Hoffman: Solstice Slam!
Benny Newell: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ding. Ding. Ding.
Bryan McVay: And your winner by pinfall……RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
The Sunshine God doesn’t even wait for Hortega to raise his hand as he rolls out of the ring and sprints up the ring and to the back.
Joe Hoffman: This loss can’t be good for High Flyer after that warning from Lee early tonight.
Benny Newell: Bright side Hoffman….he is good EVERYWHERE BUT HERE…..fuck…Lee is a genius…PRINT THE SHIRTS!!!
The action cuts away as Benny starts yelling RAH into the ear of Hoffman.
You. Are. Nothing
The scene cuts backstage where Xander Azula, disciple of Eris, walks down the corridor, flanked by two of his devotees. A loud “ZAP!” sound is heard, followed by another. The two nameless members of the Eternal Circle drop like sacks of potatoes. Xander turns around only to get “zapped” himself, in the middle of the chest, causing him to drop.
Standing over Xander Azula, shirtless and wielding two stun guns, is Jatt Starr. As if he were an Old West outlaw, he blows on the stun guns in his hands. Standing to the right and behind the Starrcelone Icon, carrying a box, is Anton the Fourth. Wabid Wabbit stands to the left.
JATT STARR: Say hello to my little friends!!!! Turner and Hooch.
The Thane of Starrkarth hands the stun guns to Wabid Wabbit and then turns his attention to Xander Azula, who slightly twitches as he looks up at him.
JATT STARR: XANADU AAAAAAAAAAAAA-LOOOOOOOOOOSAH!!!!!!!
As if to emphasize his point, Jatt Starr forms an “L” with his hand and places it on his forehead.
JATT STARR: What? Did you honestly believe that there would be no retaliation after you stapled…..
The Jattagonian Giant pulls out a wrinkled piece of paper (with a couple of drops of dried blood on it) with Xander Azula’s name on it from his pocket and crouches down.
JATT STARR: ….this receipt to Anton’s chest? You couldn’t have just stapled the twelve dollars you owe me for the pants you ruined? Personally, I blame your diet, you should really cut down on the high fructose corn syrup and the trans fats, it’s clearly made you delusional. Maybe eat more fish.
The Ruler of Jattlantis crumples up the invoice and shoves it in Xander Azula’s mouth and lightly (and disrespectfully slaps Azula’s cheek).
JATT STARR: The Mayor of ManJattan is about to go get a Kale-Mango Smoothie and believes you should take this time, as you are basically a vegetable, to reflect. Especially on how flaunting your made up whore of a goddess is an affront to the true G-O-D of the H-O-W, Lee Best. As his self-appointed champion, it is my J-O-B to not only maintain order but also to tell you the brutal truth. Eris. Is. Poppycock. You worship nothing. You. Are. Nothing.
The King of Jatten Island smugly smiles, rises, and snaps his fingers. Wabid Wabbit drags Xander Azula and props him up against the wall, positioning his head so he can watch as Anton the Fourth hands Jatt Starr the box. He turns it over and landing onto his lap is the head of the statue of Eris that Jatt Starr destroyed last week only this time…..it has a pen that has been chiseled into its eye. And on the forehead it reads “LEE BEST’S BITCH” in red marker.
The Jattlantic City Idol snaps his fingers again and proceeds to walk away followed by Wabid Wabbit and Anton (with Jatt Starr almost inaudibly talking about the health benefits of smoothies) as Xander Azula glares towards the three men….his right arm slowly rising as the scene cuts to commercial.
Back live and the camera cuts to the staff parking lot of the Little Caesars Arena. All seems to be in order–or, at least, as close to order as one usually can find in any given backstage area during the chaos of a professional wrestling show that’s airing live. About the only thing out-of-place is a certain blond sitting atop the roof of a rented pick-up truck. Eli Dresden is still sporting a lot of the bruises and marks from Jace Parker Davidson’s ambush on last week’s episode of Refueled, but even repeated kicks to the head can’t erase her smirk.
Dresden: So it seems that ol’ Sugartits is so threatened by me that he didn’t trust his ability to actually compete with me for Maddie’s time on his own merits, so he thought that he’d end things by ambushing me like the little bitch he is. Emphasis on little, by the way. Like… think popcorn shrimp little.
Eli’s smirk sharpens.
Dresden: I mean, we’ve already established that he needs that kind of cheapshot advantage to get the job even remotely close to being done when it comes to me, but doing it again because he’s not man enough to compete with me is just pathetic, man. For all his size and strength and accolades, I threaten him so much that he’s got to go to those kinds of desperate lengths to try to take me out of the equation because he can’t compete otherwise. How insecure is he that little ol’ me is such a threat?
A shrug before Dresden’s shaking her head.
Dresden: But y’know what? Fine. Fine. I know I’m ruinin’ some of the element of surprise by sayin’ so, but fuck it. I’m not like him. I don’t need to sneak up on him from behind like a weasel to get the upper hand. If he wants to play things like that, then we can play things like that. Retribution’s coming, Sugartits–and when you’re unable to stop me even though you know it’s coming?
That smirk widens, growing outright bloodthirsty as she leans forward a little.
Dresden: Then you won’t have an excuse to reach for when I show the world just how much you suck.
A wink and she’s straightening up, a dismissive gesture made with one hand. The camera cuts away shortly after that.
Cancer Jiles vs. Steve Harrison
The lights dim. The arena quiets. “I am the COOL” explodes over the speakers. ~I’m the one your mama warned you about ~When you see me, I will leave you no doubt ~I’m the coolest man that ever walked this earth ~I’ve been the coolest since the day of my birth ~I AM THE COOL. Out from behind the curtain, after a second or two of suspense, The Crown Prince of COOL, Cancer Jiles emerges. Shades on, hair on point, he pauses at the top of the ramp and looks a bit bemused by the mixed reaction he was receiving.
Joe Hoffman: Cancer Jiles said he forgave Harrison this week, and now the two find themselves at odds here at Refueled!
Benny Newell: HAHAHA! That primped hair egg bandit fuck got what was coming last week! God, I loved watching Sektor, Clay, Harrison, Jace, and Solex beat the yolk right out of him!
“Take the Money and Run,” By The Steve Miller Man starts to play and the curtain flies open. Steve Harrison walks out, he grimaces as he walks to the ring on his injured knee. The boos come down for Harrison after the beatdown of Jiles last week.
Joe Hoffman: And here comes one of the culprits, exiling the former World Champion from The Best Alliance with all the cowardice and malice we’ve come to expect from The Alliance!
Benny Newell: Cowardice? Lee basically told that crumb what was coming when he sent The Alliance and the EPU out there as lumberjacks!
Joe Hoffman: The Alliance were all lumberjacks Benny…
Benny Newell: Who the fuck cares, Praise Lee! The Bandit is gone!
Harrison and Jiles both stand in the ring while Matt Boettcher calls for the bell. Jiles still hasn’t taken his sunglasses off, and he keeps staring down Harrison. The Miracle Man motions for Jiles to remove the shades, but Jiles continues to appear to be staring a hole through Harrison’s head.
Benny Newell: What is this idiot doing?
Joe Hoffman: Benny these two were tag team partners and multiple time champions together. They know each other very well, maybe Jiles is playing a mind game here to get in Harrison’s head?
Benny Newell: GO FUCKING PUNCH HIM HARRISON!
Jiles finally cracks his knuckles and takes off the sunglasses, he continues to stare down Harrison. The Miracle Man rolls his eyes at The Prince of Cool, but Jiles takes his time handing them over to Boettcher. Finally Boettcher calls for the bell.
Joe Hoffman: And here we go!
The two men slowly begin to circle one another, Harrison goes in for a collar and elbow tie up but Jiles smoothly slips away from his grasp. Jiles takes a half attempt at Harrison’s knee but thinks better of it and backs away.
Benny Newell: Sweet Kneesus, someone hit someone already.
Harrison steps back clapping his hands together, once again he comes in for the tie up, and this time Jiles obliges the larger man. The two lock up in the center of the ring for a moment, Harrison goes for a quick side head lock, but Jiles drops to his knees. He grabs Harrison’s braced knee and pulls it backward, sending Harrison stumbling into the ropes.
Joe Hoffman: Harrison trying to use his technical superiority here, but Jiles has a good strategy and is having none of it!
Benny Newell: What’s his strategy? Run for his life?
Harrison pivots on his good knee back towards Jiles. The Prince of COOL gets to his feet quickly but is met with a forearm across the side of his face. Jiles staggers backwards as Harrison now has his opening and wraps Jiles around the waist. Harrison picks Jiles up and dumps him to the mat with a belly to back suplex.
Benny Newell: I said hit him! Now we’re taking out the trash! Thank LEE!
Joe Hoffman: Great belly to back suplex there, looks like Jiles came down on his neck and head there. But Harrison is struggling to take advantage with that injured knee!
Jiles staggers to his feet quickly, and manages to dive at the back of Harrison’s braced knee. Harrison screams out in pain as he falls to the mat, holding his knee. Jiles stays on the ground, still recovering from being dropped on his head.
Joe Hoffman: If there’s one thing we know about Cancer Jiles, the man knows how to survive.
Benny Newell: Yeah he did a great job of that while The Alliance stomped the life out of him. He looked like that little Piper Pi…
Joe Hoffman: And Jiles is on the offensive here!
Jiles takes the advantage to lay some boots on Harrison’s knee. Harrison writhes in pain on the canvas while Jiles takes a few steps back and brushes his hands together playing to the crowd. The crowd’s reaction is mixed as Harrison begins to claw his way back to his feet with the ropes. Jiles comes across the ring and kicks Harrison in the back of the knee again causing Harrison to scramble away.
Joe Hoffman: Jiles is putting in some work on Harrison’s knee here! Smart work by Jiles.
Benny Newell: I can’t believe you used the words Jiles and Smart in the same sentence. I’m pretty sure that’s a sin.
Jiles tries to follow it up by diving at Harrison’s knee again, but Harrison manages to scramble away. He finds himself behind Jiles and drives Jiles into the corner turnbuckles. Harrison begins throwing forearm shots into Cancer’s neck, while Jiles tries to claw at Harrison’s eyes.
Benny Newell: Harrison’s seeing red! He’s gonna kill him!
Joe Hoffman: I think you’re right Benny, Jiles targeting Harrison’s knee has seemed to awaken something in Steve Harrison.
Harrison sends Jiles across the ring into the other corner. Jiles smashes into it and begins to do the Ric Flair stumble across the ring. Harrison tries to pounce on the man, but Jiles was playing possum and ducks under. Jiles takes two steps and fires off Terminal Cancer!
Benny Newell: Not like this Harrison!
Harrison ducks under the move and wraps Jiles up again. The Miracle Man plants Cancer with another suplex, once again making sure to dump Jiles on his neck. Harrison gets up and lines Jiles up for his knee to the back of the neck. As Harrison goes for it, Jiles manages to fall over to the side causing Harrison to miss. Harrison comes up lame, holding his knee. He leans in the corner fixing his brace for a moment.
Benny Newell: Toughen up Harrison! You got him where you want him!
Joe Hoffman: It does seem that way, it looks like Jiles just fell over there to get out of The Enlightenment. Coincidence, or do these men just know each other that well?
Harrison gingerly walks over, pulling Jiles up by his perfect hair. He has Cancer to his knees, and blasts Jiles with a right hand across the face. Jiles falls back to the mat, and Harrison pulls him up to his knees again. He pulls back and fires off another shot at Jiles’ face, but it never makes it in as Jiles starts grinning.
Joe Hoffman: You can never doubt Cancer Jiles! Like I said earlier the man is absolutely a survivor.
Benny Newell: That’s illegal! You can’t low blow a man in the middle of the ring like that! Come on Boettcher get your head out of your ass!
Jiles crawls over to the ropes, and slowly gets himself to his feet. He waits, motioning for Harrison to turn around and face him.
Joe Hoffman: Now it looks like Cancer Jiles has Steve Harrison right where he wants him!
Harrison stumbles into Jiles backwards, Jiles, stunned tries to push Harrison away from him. Harrison slides in and locks Jiles in a crossface chicken wing.
Benny Newell: IT’S A HARRICLE! FUCK YES! DRINK!
Harrison dumps Jiles on his neck once again, and floats over hooking Jiles leg for the cover. Boettcher slides in and delivers the count.
Harrison quickly rolls out of the ring holding his knee, and begins limping to the back. Not taking any time to gloat over top of his former tag team partner.
Benny Newell: HAHA! Fuck him! Harrison killed you with one leg!
Joe Hoffman: And down goes Jiles, another loss for the former World Champion. He just can’t seem to get himself right after War Games.
The action cuts away as we see a hobbling, yet victorious, Steve Harrison standing at the top of the entrance ramp.
King of Stomp Style
We cut from the ringside area of the Little Caesars Arena here in Detroit, Michigan to the backstage area. It’s been a hell of a show already with more action to come. We focus around the gorilla position where Blaire Moise can be seen holding a microphone in her hand while playing with a curl in her hair. Blaire gets her signal from the cameraman and raises the microphone up to her lips.
Blaire Moise: Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the reigning and defending HOTv Champion. He is the King of Everything, here is Jace Parker Davidson!
Jace walks into camera range dressed in his ring gear with the HOTv Championship belt around his waist. Absent from the scene is Madison who is usually by Jace’s side.
Blaire Moise: Jace last week you successfully defended the HOTv Championship against fellow Best Alliance member Steve Harrison. You helped kick Cancer Jiles from the Best Alliance. And you also viciously attacked one Eli Dresden after her match.
JPD: I guess you can say I had one hell of a week. Hell I’ve had one damn fine month seeing how I’m also the reigning and longest HOW wrestler of the month.
Blaire rolls her eyes a bit as Jace’s overabundance of confidence.
Blaire Moise: Earlier tonight we heard from Eli Dresden and she promised that Retribution is coming.
Jace sighs a bit then begins to chuckle.
JPD: I beat her in the middle of the ring, I beat her back in her dressing room. She can try to spin the narrative however she wants but the end result is that I beat her. So excuse me if I’m not shaking in my boots over the fact that the Replacement Pussy is a little angry at me. She’ll get over it just like Madison will get over it. Next question.
Blaire Moise: In a few moments to head out to the ring to defend your HOTv Championship for the third time against the likes of a man people don’t know much about in Kevin Capone. Just how…
Jace raises his index finger in the air and presses it against Blaire’s lips interrupting her.
JPD: I know all that I need to know about Kevin Capone. The man is a quitter and tonight if he doesn’t beat me or submit me in the middle of the ring then he’ll probably quit on us again. So enjoy him while he lasts before he Voldecunts his way out the door. With the mood Lee Best is in tonight this might be the last chance that Kevin Capone gets to prove that he belongs in High Octane Wrestling. Unfortunately for him, the poor bastard has to go up against the cream of the crop here in HOW.
Blaire Moise: I didn’t know he was booked against John Sektor…
JPD: You saw what I did to Eli last week, don’t make me have to make an example out of you too. Tonight I step into the ring and continue my legacy as The Greatest HOTv Champion that has ever lived. I’m not going to allow a quitter to represent our network. This isn’t going to be a Cinderella story where Kevin Capone puts his name on the map at my expense. This is going to be a clinic on why I am wrestler of the month of July, August, and the man that is going to carry this Championship belt to main event status.
Jace pats the gold plate on the Championship belt.
JPD: Kevin Capone is just a tune up, a mere week off for me to prepare for a real challenge heading into Bottomline in Chicago. I’m going to take his Quick and Painless and turn it into Slow and Excruciating. And after it’s all said and done you can call me the King of Stomp Style. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a match to go win.
Jace blows a kiss at Blaire who almost vomits in her mouth. Jace heads through the curtain as we head to a commercial break.
Jace Parker Davidson vs. Kevin Capone
Joe Hoffman: And we are back and next we get our first look at the returning Kevin Capone.
Benny Newell: Oh great. The forty-year-old HOW fanboy is back? Didn’t he learn anything the first time around?
Joe Hoffman: Capone is forty-four years old and he’s chasing a dream, Benny. He lost to Jatt Starr and John Sektor in his first tour of HOW. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Benny Newell: Capone washed out. He’ll wash out again right after he bows to the king.
Joe Hoffman: And speaking of the king, Jace Parker Davidson defends the HOTv title next against the aforementioned Kevin Capone. Let’s go to the ring.
Benny Newell: BEST ALLIANCE BABY!
Bryan McVay: Ladies and gentlemen, our next match will be one fall and it is for the HOTv Title.
The lights go out and J. Cole’s – Mr. Nice Watch blares from the arena sound system in the pitch black.
After several seconds the lights come back on and Kevin Capone is already standing at the top of the ramp, eyes cold.
Kevin Capone’s face features a 4-finger length beard with sporadic strands of gray and balding head with connected short dreads at the far back of his dome. His body drenched in pre-match workout sweat, accentuates the the 6 inch vertical scar down Capone’s toned abdomen along with the “Scarred For Life” tattoo right above it through the light amount of hair over his torso.
He stretches both arms wearing padded fighter’s gloves and cruises down the ramp in a blacked-out ensemble, black boxing-style trunks several inches above the knee and short black boots. He does his ballistic stretches, swinging his arms performing different combinations, before making it to the ring, hopping on the apron in one swoop and pulling on the top ropes with bad intentions.
Bryan McVay: Introducing the challenger, from Queens, New York. Weighing in tonight at 247 pounds. Making his return to High Octane Wrestling… KEVIN CAPONE!
Kevin Capone enters the ring between the middle and top rope and assumes his position in a corner, his eyes never letting up of their laser focus.
Then the lights in the arena dim as the HOV begins to light up.
The words “The King has Returned.” echo throughout the building.
The crowd stands on its feet as smoke begins to build on stage and the sound of “Kingdom” by Jaxson Gamble blares over the public address system.
A spotlight shines on stage. The crowd gives a mixed reaction as through the smoke appears Jace Parker Davidson- by himself.
Joe Hoffman: Madison is not by his side tonight.
Benny Newell: Who cares? She got tossed from ringside last weekend and JPD still defeated Steve Harrison. Why? Because he is the KING OF EVERYTHING!
Bryan McVay: And his opponent, representing the Best Alliance. From Miami, FL and weighing in at 253 lbs….he is the REIGNING! AND DEFENDING! HOTV CHAMPION……THE KING OF EVERYTHING! JACE! PARKER! DAAAAAAAAVIIIIIIDSOOOOOOOOON!
Jace looks out at the crowd and soaks in the reception before he makes his way down the ramp slowly as fans reach over the barricade trying to touch the HOTv champion.
Jace slides under the bottom rope to enter the ring and pops to his feet. He makes his way over to the nearest corner and climbs the turnbuckle to pose for the crowd- holding up the HOTv title belt. Hopping down Jace goes to his corner and begins to stretch before the match starts.
Referee Joel Hortega takes the belt from JPD and holds it up in the air.
Joe Hoffman: Kevin Capone vs. Jace Parker Davidson for the HOTv title. JPD has had two tough title defenses the past two weeks. Can Kevin Capone pull off the win tonight on his return match to HOW?
Benny Newell: Fuck no. DRINK!
Hortega calls for the bell and the HOTv title match is underway.
Capone rushes forward right at the bell. Davidson throws him into the turnbuckle. Capone runs at JPD again. This time JPD again slides to the side and sends the challenger headlong into the turnbuckle.
Joe Hoffman: Kevin Capone’s going right at him!
Again, Capone charges- JPD throws him into the turnbuckle. This time, Capone stumbles forward and walks right into a JPD right hand.
Joe Hoffman: Davidson decks the challenger with a wicked right hand.
Benny Newell: This won’t last long, Joe. Not at all.
But Capone bounces back up so Davidson decks him a second time. Capone again back up. JPD with a third right hand.
Benny Newell: Stay down! Stay down!
But Capone does not stay down. He gets right back to his feet. JPD spears Capone into the turnbuckle.
The challenger staggers out of the corner. Davidson sets for a neckbreaker- Capone slips out.
Joe Hoffman: JPD looking to make this a quick evening… BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX BY CAPONE!
Benny Newell: WHAT?
Capone hooks the leg…
Joe Hoffman: JPD kicks out but Capone isn’t backing down at all.
Benny Newell: It’s still early. Capone’s out of his league here.
Joe Hoffman: Jace wasn’t expecting that Belly to Back Suplex.
Benny Newell: Capone got in a lucky shot but he will be bowing down to the king at the end. They all do.
Davidson jumps right to his feet and boots Capone in the mid-section. He takes Capone to the corner and slams his head on the top turnbuckle once… twice… three times… four times. Jace steps back and rams his shoulder into Capone’s mid-section. Twice. Three times. Four times. Five times. Hortega finally steps in and calls for a break but Davidson yanks Capone out of the corner- RIPCORD CLOTHESLINE.
Joe Hoffman: Kevin Capone just got turned inside out there.
Benny Newell: KING OF EVERYTHING!
DOS… Capone kicks out.
Joe Hoffman: And Capone survives.
Benny Newell: Only a matter of time.
Capone back and he wades in again. Body shots by the challenger. Davidson tries to slip away but Capone keeps throwing hands. He’s off balance though and…
Joe Hoffman: BIG RIGHT HAND BY JPD!
Benny Newell: YES!
Davidson whips Capone to a corner but the challenger goes up top. He jumps- Davidson catches him! Fallaway slam… no… Capone fights free and kicks at Davidson’s leg!
Joe Hoffman: Capone’s not going to go quietly. He’s making this a fight.
Benny Newell: Bullshit. Jace Parker Davidson survived being powerbombed to the floor by Rah! He’s survived Steve fucking Harrison. JPD’s got this well under control!
But now it’s Capone firing off big bombs while JPD uses his quickness to duck and dodge. Davidson grabs Capone and tosses the challenger through the ropes.
Joe Hoffman: BUT Capone stays on the apron!
Davidson storms over. Capone slingshots over the rope.
Joe Hoffman: SUNSET FLIP BY CAPONE.
Benny Newell: Wait… what?
Hortega slides in.
UNO– JPD kicks out and just scowls at Capone.
Benny Newell: There’s your one moment Capone…
Jace moves forward- Capone to the side into a schoolboy roll up.
Benny Newell: …what?
Joe Hoffman: JPD kicks out again. Capone keeps coming at him.
Benny Newell: Jace is just toying with him. No worries here.
Capone hops up and leaps but Davidson catches him and plants him on the mat with a Standing Side Slam.
Joe Hoffman: Great counter by Davidson and the momentum swings right back to the champion.
Davidson scowls and tries to set Capone up for the Bend the Knee.
Benny Newell: KING OF EVERYTHING LEE-DAMMIT! KING OF EVERYTHING!
But the challenger scrambles away to safety. Davidson chuckles.
Joe Hoffman: He’s chuckling because he knows how close he was to putting Capone away.
Benny Newell: He’s chuckling because the King gets bang Madison after this match.
Joe Hoffman: I wouldn’t be too sure about that.
Capone rolls out of the ring and Davidson goes out after him. Chop on the floor by Capone. Davidson chops him back. Capone chops again and again. Davidson rears back and CHOPS Capone! Davidson snarls and scowls and drags Capone up to bearhug and OVERHEAD SUPLEX!
Benny Newell: Capone fucked up. Now Jace is going to eat him up and spit him out on the floor.
Davidson gets Capone back up and rams him into the railing!
Joe Hoffman: Referee Joel Hortega just started a ten count and Kevin Capone can’t win the title via countout.
Davidson drags Capone up and blasts him with a forearm.
Benny Newell: HOW Fan Boy picked the wrong night to come back.
Davidson puts Capone back in the ring. Capone flounders up but Jace drags him to the corner.
Benny Newell: The champion’s about to-
Joe Hoffman: Capone shoves Davidson back!
Capone unloads a dropkick out and Davidson staggers! Capone right in- SNAP SUPLEX!
Benny Newell: Why won’t Kevin Capone die?
Joe Hoffman: Capone hooks the leg.
DO– JPD kicks out.
Joe Hoffman: NO!
Benny Newell: Oh thank Lee. Come on Jace! Put this guy away!
There’s an audible groan from Benny when Capone hits another dropkick that sends JPD tumbling out of the ring!
Joe Hoffman: The champion sent to the floor and what is Kevin Capone doing now?
Capone runs the ropes to build speed.
Benny Newell: WATCH OUT JACE!
Capone dives through the ropes and drives Davidson into the barriers. His head jerks back at impact.
Benny Newell: Watch the fucking neck!
Joe Hoffman: Capone back in the ring.
Capone springs off the ropes and dives out again.
Benny Newell: NOOO!
Again, Davidson is driven into the barrier.
Joe Hoffman: Wait a minute! He’s going to do it again?
Benny Newell: DON’T DO IT!
Joe Hoffman: Capone wants the hat trick!
Capone runs and dives through the ropes a third time. JPD slips to the side and this time it’s Capone who crashes into the barrier.
Benny Newell: YES!
Joe Hoffman: Kevin Capone just dove into the steel barricade!
Benny Newell: Told you Jace had a plan for this.
Joe Hoffman: Yeah right.
Benny Newell: Shut up. DRINK!!!
Both JPD and Capone are slow to get back to their feet and that instigates a count from the referee.
Joe Hoffman: Who will get up first?
Benny Newell: Come on JPD!
Capone grabs the barricade and starts pulling himself up.
Benny Newell: COME ON JACE!
Joe Hoffman: Um. You do know that even if JPD is counted out…
Capone’s back to his feet and starts towards the ring. He sees JPD on the floor.
Joe Hoffman: …the title doesn’t change hands.
Benny Newell: Oh.
Capone reaches down and pulls JPD up.
Benny Newell: WHAT IS HE DOING?
Joe Hoffman: I think he’s helping JPD back into the ring!
Benny Newell: AARGHH!
Indeed, Capone rolls Davidson back in under the bottom rope.
Joe Hoffman: Showing good sportsmanship.
Benny Newell: Good sportsmanship my ass. He wants to win the title.
Joe Hoffman: That too.
Count broken. Both men back in the ring.
Capone races in. High Crossbody… NO. JPD dives to the mat and Capone flies over.
The fans start getting into the match now as Capone gets up. Capone runs in to clothesline. Davidson ducks through. Capone runs the ropes. Davidson swtiches around. Waistlock, spin and GERMAN SUPELX! But Capone lands on his feet.
Benny Newell: HOW THE FUCK DID HE DO THAT?
JPD unloads a superkick and Capone’s head snaps back.
Joe Hoffman: HOW DID JPD DO THAT?
Benny Newell: BECAUSE HE’S THE FUCKING KING OF EVERYTHING, THAT’S WHY!
Another superkick by Davidson.
Joe Hoffman: That JPD superkick dropped Capone to a knee.
JPD off the ropes- V-TRIGGER!
Joe Hoffman: Jace Parker Davidson just drove that knee into Kevin Capone’s face!
But Capone does not fall. JPD off the ropes… V-TRIGGER!
Benny Newell: DOWN GOES CAPONE! DOWN GOES CAPONE!
Joe Hoffman: Davidson covers!
Joe Hoffman: HE GOT A SHOULDER UP!
Benny Newell: NOOOO!
Joe Hoffman: JACE CAN’T BELIEVE IT!
JPD pulls Capone up. Locks the arms and spikes the challenger to the mat with a Paradigm Shift DDT.
Joe Hoffman: UNSCRIPTED VIOLENCE!
Davidson stares down at Capone.
Benny Newell: FINISH HIM!
Capone tries to get to his knees. Jace brings the boot down on the back of his head.
Joe Hoffman: BEND THE KNEE!
Davidson hooks the leg.
Joe Hoffman: And for the third week in a row, Jace Parker Davidson retains the HOTv Title!
Benny Newell: KING OF EVERYTHING BABY! KING OF EVERYTHING!
Bryan McVay climbs in the ring for the official pronouncement.
Bryan McVay: Your winner at fourteen minutes and one second and… STILL HOTv CHAMPION! JACE. PARKER. DAAAAAAAAVIIIIIIDSOOOOOOOOON!
JPD takes the HOTv belt from Joel Hortega and climbs up a turnbuckle to raise the belt in the air.
Joe Hoffman: Give credit to Kevin Capone for a game effort here tonight. He did not back down from the champion and he certainly did not make it easy for Jace Parker Davidson tonight.
Benny Newell: Never a doubt. Never. None. DRINK!
The action cuts away as the cameras continue to focus on the HOTv Champion.
We cut backstage near the superstar locker rooms where Brian Bare can be seen walking and looking for someone. Stopping in front of a door, his hand rises to knock on it but it opens for him to fall forward into the chest of a blonde who looks down in surprise then rolls her eyes.
Brian Bare: Oh wow so soft… I mean I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to do that.
Daytona: Of course you didn’t because you know the only way you would have gotten that close is if you had a good luck charm stuck up your…
Bare straightens himself up and fixes his tie while trying to wipe the satisfied smirk off of his face.
Brian Bare: My name is Brian. Brian Bare and I was wondering if I could get an interview with Miss Daytona?
Daytona looks Bare up and down then shrugs almost in boredom.
Daytona: I suppose you will do. After all, it is just the first time anyone in High Octane Wrestling has had any real contact with me. Go ahead Ryan, ask me your questions.
Brian Bare: Actually the name is Brian and…oh nevermind.
Brian turns to the cameraman filming them and clears his throat before speaking into his microphone.
Brian Bare: Ladies and gentlemen allow me to introduce for the first time to the HOW airwaves our newest signing. Her name is Daytona, now is that your first name or your last name?
Daytona: It is my call sign. When I was in the navy flying fighter jets, that is what the others called me. And then when I signed I wanted to keep my private life private so y’all can call me Daytona.
She raises her hand and brushes her blonde curls over her left shoulder and tilts her head to the side slightly with a smirk.
Daytona: And it is your pleasure I am sure to introduce me.
Brian Bare: It was certainly my pleasure to bury my face between your…
Bare begins coughing and tries to remain professional. Of course Daytona had no idea what kind of seedy, junkie that he really was.
Brian Bare: You’re officially the second female signed to a predominantly male HOW roster. How do you think you’ll fare against much larger and stronger opponents?
Daytona shoots him a look of disbelief.
Daytona: Did you just admit to not listening to me when I told you that I am a navy veteran? Do you not realize that I am skilled enough in unarmed combat to kill someone if I needed to? And because of that, I know that I am going to fare very well against the larger, stronger and not as bright opponents that I will be facing here in High Octane Wrestling.
As she talks, the look of disbelief changes to one of smugness as she crosses her arms over her chest.
Brian Bare: Now that you’re officially signed and set to make your debut here any week now. Is there any wrestler on the roster that catches your attention as someone you want to step into the ring with?
Daytona looks upward as if contemplating the roster as she knows it. She raises her hand and looks down at the five fingers extended. She begins to mouth the names of roster members and folds each finger in the palm of her hand. Looking into the camera when she gets to her middle finger being the only one remaining, she holds it up and smiles…
Daytona: Everyone and anyone, especially the champions. And with that, you have taken up enough of my time and I am bored of you now.
Bare goes to ask one more question however Daytona turns and slams the door right in his face as we head to another section of the arena.
The scene switches to ringside as the big screen reveals a low shot of someone’s purple ring boots walking through a field. Faint instrumental music accompanies the image.
Voiceover: What is it that makes a Gamer?
Once the boots arrive at their destination, the scene changes to reveal Conor Fuse, back towards the camera, standing in front of the Super Nintendo Land theme park in Osaka, Japan.
Voiceover: It’s not the console, or a television.
The feed switches to a montage of Conor wrestling, beginning with his arrival in HOW and clips of initial opponents… Erin Gordon, Jason Storm, Scott Stevens…
Voiceover: It’s not the headset, or virtual reality.
Clips of Conor’s LSD battle vs. Dan Ryan.
Voiceover: It’s not the power glove, an online pass or high score. It’s not defeating BOTS or Bosses.
Vintage video game commercial scenes such as SEGA, Super Nintendo and Atari intermix with Fuse’s matches.
Voiceover: You might think it’s essential… but you don’t need a controller to be a Gamer.
Fuse pins Cancer Jiles for #1 contendership.
Voiceover: A Gamer isn’t too busy to help a teammate, not too proud to take help, either.
Conor joins Grapplers Local 214 and teams with Teddy Palmer.
Voiceover: And when they lose a Life, by pitfall or enemy, a Gamer hits Continue and keeps on playing.
Footage losing to Jatt Starr at Rumble at the Rock, being pinned by Dan Ryan, Hughie Freeman and Cancer Jiles.
Voiceover: They’ll stand by their co-op and challenge the Final Boss in the Level 8 Castle.
The crowd gives a boo at the shot of Sutler Reynolds-Kael holding the World Championship after War Games.
Voiceover: And they won’t quit… until they beat the game.
A single spotlight appears on the center of the entrance at the 23-second mark of the theme song. The Vintage rises from underneath the stage, stoic, wearing a purple and green SNES/Legend of Zelda inspired trench coat.
Fuse lifts his head to another response from the fans in attendance as he leans back and screams into the rafters, body shaking with passion. Fuse looks to his left, his right and then walks purposefully towards the squared circle.
Joe Hoffman: What an entrance for the number one contender to the High Octane World-
Benny Newell: NO! Just fucking no! God dammit, drink drink drink!
The Vintage jumps onto the apron and leaps over the top rope into a victory roll. Purple pyro explodes behind Fuse as he raises his hands and the fans continue to chant his name.
Blaire Moise stands beside Conor as the theme comes to an end.
Blaire Moise: Conor Fuse, the number one contender to the World Championship! And now we know, it WILL be Sutler Reynolds-Kael and you one-on-one at Bottomline!
Conor Fuse: Thank you, Blaire but I have to say I am awfully disappointed. I had my hopes up to meet Sutler in the middle of the ring tonight. I wasn’t looking for a fight, there’s a time and a place for that. What I was looking for, however, was to meet Sutler right here in DETROIT…
The fans cheer upon hearing their city name but Conor gives a quick shake of his head and wink into the camera. He turns to the crowd.
Conor Fuse: No, too easy. None of you have to go wild for that. Annnnyway, I was looking to shake Sutler’s hand.
The crowd boos. Conor smiles again.
Conor Fuse: No you guys don’t have to boo Sutler, either. Let me explain… I haven’t come face-to-face with SRK since he defeated me at War Games. It’s a hell of a feat, that’s for sure. And I personally wanted to let him know he was the better War Gamer.
Fuse pounds his chest.
Conor Fuse: But he better not take me lightly. Not being here is an ignorant move. I’ve been watching real close these past few weeks. Sutler vs. Clay, Sutler vs. Zion, Sutler vs. TEDDY. Look, I get it. The Son of Scion’s raking in victories! Nobody his age has done what he’s done and he’s the first one to remind you. He’s the first one to tell you he’s the number one !ranked wrestler in HOW.
Conor Fuse: Well if you’ll excuse me, Ms. Moise, I’m gonna need everyone in attendance tonight to give ME a !rank. Because when it comes to who’s number one, right now we have TWO.
Fuse turns to the crowd, holding up his index finger.
Conor Fuse: So please tell me where I !RANK in contendership to the High Octane World Title! Give me a !rank
Conor Fuse: !RANK
Conor Fuse: !RANK
Conor Fuse: !RANK !RANK !RANK
Conor walks into the camera lens on the apron.
Conor Fuse: Sutler Reynolds-Kael, The Vintage has leveled up! You’re number one BUT SO AM I. You wanna hide behind your little HR screen and tell me I’m CURSED!? Go ahead, be my guest. I don’t see any Elders here, do I? Because when push comes to shove, Conor Fuse doesn’t hide behind his family! I’ll troll you all I want for FUN and GAMES but when it comes to LIVE TV, show the god forsaken ability to LEVEL the fuck UP TOO AND MEET ME RIGHT HERE-
Suddenly a massive figure wearing a Max Kael mask appears from behind “The Vintage”, clotheslining the Number One Contender to the ground. The attacker is joined by several smaller assailants as the crowd’s cheers turn to vicious jeers. Once Conor is effectively neutralized the largest attacker removes his mask to reveal MAXKAELJr scowling down at Fuse.
Joe Hoffman: It’s Sulter Reynolds-Kael’s bodyguard with a squad of damn Kael Family members! Sutler said they weren’t at the arena tonight!
Benny Newell: He’s as shifty as his old man, Hoffman!
The boos get louder as the High Octane World Champion is seen sauntering down the ramp toward the ring. Wrapped around his waist is the #97Red World Championship, his thumbs hooked into the back of the belt. As Sutler climbs into the ring the rest of the Family vacates leaving SRK alone with his opponent for Bottomline.
Joe Hoffman: The Family does all the work and now the World Champion has Conor all to himself? This is far from a fair encounter!
Benny Newell: Well.. yeah, Joe, you think the World Champion needs to worry about fuckin’ FAIRNESS?
Sutler swaggers to the microphone that Conor had dropped after being attacked, testing it a few times before lifting it to his lips. The crowd doesn’t let him begin “Shut up Sut-Sut!”. The World Champion sneers at the crowd before kicking Conor Fuse hard in the stomach. The chanting is replaced once again with boos as the Son of Scion nods to himself.
SRK: Earlier tonight I might have lied about where I was going. My bad, Conor.
The booing gets louder as Sutler chuckles into the microphone while slowly circling Conor.
SRK: You seem like the kind of guy who puts the controller down for cut-scenes. Rookie mistake, Level 2 Conor Snooze, another reason I’m the World’s Greatest Gamer and you’re just a kid who thinks playing vintage games somehow gives you some kind of street cred. This ain’t a game, you’re facing the High Octane Wrestling WORLD CHAMPION at Bottomline in the biggest match of your short life. You’re in one of the most dangerous companies in wrestling, kid. People DIE in this place, careers end before they start! This isn’t a stupid fucking game, Conor Lose, do you understand me!? THIS ISN’T A FUCKING GAME! YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE A CHAMPION IN THIS HALLOWED PLACE! You’re a fad, I’m a fucking LEGACY!
The Champion kneels down next to Fuse, grabbing his hair as he pulls his face up to stare into his eyes.
SRK: Conor, chumly, I hate to break it to you, you’re not the only one who can learn and grow, blondetosaurus. Your NUMBER ONE RANKED TALENT has also learned a few tricks over the last few months. Earlier I said that I was done giving people things, well now I’m taking them. Long before you were in High Octane Wrestling, my Father, Max Kael..
The crowd cheers at the mention of Max Kael causing Sutler to look up with a scowl once again. The Son of SCions vicious bounces Conor’s face off the apron causing a loud sound of revulsion from the crowd followed once again by boos.
SRK: ..as I was saying, my Father had a talent, a technique that was passed on to me, you two bit attempt at an 8 bit joke. When he would defeat someone he’d take a part of them. A skill, a knowledge, maybe even their whole fucking gimmick if was worth taking. At War Games I defeated you in the middle of the ring and became the youngest Champion in High Octane Wrestling history.. But I also… took something.. From you..
An evil grin slithers over Sutler’s face as he drags Conor up to his feet. In one fluid motion he sends the challenger crashing back down with the Son of the Sin.
The fans chant for the downed Vintage to try and rally him though it seems to have little effect. Lifting his hand into the air the World Champion’s smirk turns into a toothy smile..
SRK: WEAPON GET!
He slaps Conor in the chest before leaping into the air executing a brutal Double Foot Stomp to Conor’s face! Another loud, uncomfortable gasp from the crowd as they collectively recoil. Fuse twitches in the ring, rolling onto his stomach as he covers his face.
FUCK YOU SUT-SUT, FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU SUT-SUT, FUCK YOU!
The Champion tosses the microphone down, lazily exiting the ring with an almost bored expression on his face. As he reaches the stage he removes the World Championship, holding it high into the air with his back turned still. He doesn’t bother looking back when finally disappears through the curtain. Medics rush down to check on Fuse as we cut to a commercial break.
Hail Eris, hail Discordia
Coming back from commercial we head backstage, where an angry Xander Azula awaits us. Gone are his Eternal Circle crew mates, leaving the head disciple alone to reflect upon what was done to him earlier in the night, still bruised and battered from the beatdown. He looks to his right, where we see the defaced head of Eris staring right back at him before the disciple speaks, his tone angry but shaky at first.
XANDER AZULA: Jatt Starr has talked a lot of trash the past few weeks, my goddess…but he has crossed the line after what he did to you.
His face is nearly quivering at the sight of the damage done, as he continues.
XANDER AZULA: He calls himself the Liason of Health and Safety…but what he is about to face is not good for either his health OR his safety.
With that, he jumps up to a standing position, his eyes locked in on us…but we are not the target of his next words, evident by the intensity in his voice and the snarl on his face.
XANDER AZULA: Jatt Starr, you think that your transgressions will go unpunished but I promise you, as Eris is my witness, I will have my revenge.
The snarl soon fades, replaced with a smirk as Xander continues.
XANDER AZULA: What you don’t seem to realize, Jatt, is that every act of heresy you commit in the name of your supposed GOD is proof positive that you no longer require healing from injuries sustained at War Games…that you are, in fact, ready to step back into that ring. So, the time has come for me to punish you in a manner befitting of the occasion…in the middle of that ring, where I can embarrass you in front of the crowd watching from the Best Arena in Chicago, the audience watching from home, and most importantly…in front of Lee Best himself.
The thought of beating one of Lee’s cronies right in front of him brings a wicked grin to Xander’s face.
XANDER AZULA: The whole world can bear witness as I destroy the last shred of credibility you have to your name and self-appointed title, and you can safely retire to the life of luxury you crave so much. All I need you to do, Jatt, is sign on the dotted line, and the Starr will fall for the final time come Bottomline.
That grin eventually comes back around to a snarl with Xander’s final words.
XANDER AZULA: Hail Eris, hail Discordia.
With that, the disciple grabs the Eris head and storms off as we cut elsewhere.
It's My Job
We cut backstage to Brian Bare having a seat beside Clay Byrd. Bare brushes something away from under his nose as he notices the red light on the camera. Clay appears to be talking to someone on the phone.
Brian Bare: Brian Bare here with another interview with Clay Byrd. Clay last time we spoke the match at Bottomline seemed to be finalized, but now with Sektor’s upcoming defense.
Clay holds up one finger, nodding his head a few times.
Clay Byrd: Yeah… gotta go… bye…
The Behemoth looks at Bare confused.
Clay Byrd: Sorry had a family call… What were ya sayin’ Brian?
Bare now frustrated rolls his eyes at The Monster. Thinking twice, before being sarcastic Bare recomposes himself.
Brian Bare: Clay I was just asking what you thought of Sektor’s defending against Zion tonight, and Zion being added to the title match.
Clay chuckles, putting his phone back in his pocket.
Clay Byrd: Brian, just like I told ya before. It don’t matter who Lee puts in my way, I’m gonna break them. It’s my job, it’s what I do. If Sektor somehow manages to lose that title to Zion? So be it. Add another body to the pile.
Brian Bare: Teddy Palmer hasn’t been seen on High Octane Television since his loss to Sutler Kael. What do you think is going on with Mr. Palmer?
Clay Byrd: Bare, wrestlers do wrestler things. Our job is physically demandin’. These matches we put on for y’all’s entertainment take a lot out of fellers. Sometimes ya need a few weeks off ta get right. Lord knows my few weeks off has been a blessin’. My arms healin’ well. Still got some lingerin’ issues with my head. Some mild headaches from the gauntlet I’ve ran lately. It is what it is.
Bare looks at Clay confused.
Brian Bare: Anything you want to say about your opponent?
Clay Byrd: I hope he’s restin’ up fer the pay-per-view. I hope he comes to Bottomline ready ta go. Same fer all the fellers in the match.
Bare is taken aback. He pauses a moment and whispers in Clay’s ear.
Clay Byrd: Bare I ain’t got nothin’ bad ta say ‘bout nobody headin’ inta Bottomline. Sektor is a legend, The Gold Standard. Ted Palmer has been a tough nut fer the Alliance ta crack, and Darin Zion potentially bein’ added just makes the path that much more difficult.
Bare rolls his eyes, before standing up and looking at the camera.
Brian Bare: I don’t know what the f…
Just as things are about to go south, The 4th Wahl’s enormous frame enters the scene. Lee’s personal Wahl tosses a referee shirt to Clay and cracks a slight smile. Bare, seeing his que escapes the room quickly.
4th Wahl: Boss says you’ll be needing this next week…
Clay smiles as the scene fades as hit our final commercial break of the evening.
The scene cuts backstage, more specifically to the office of Lee Best.
Lee Best: Did that motherfucker just try and book himself into a PPV match against a HOW Original Hall of Famer and member of The Best Alliance…..Jatt Motherfuckin Starr??
The 4th Wahl remains silent as he stands in the spot that was often held down by Redrum.
Lee Best: The LOWEST ranked wrestler in HOW wants a match with a fucking Hall of Famer at MY PPV in MY ARENA in MY HOMETOWN??
Again the 4th Wahl remains stoic as Lee continues on…
Lee Best: You know what? Fuck it. Jatt is one friend away from joining Solex in solitary confinement so lets give him what should be a night off at August 28th. Starr versus Azula. Fuck waiting for signatures. I am the motherfucking GOD. Match is booked. Fucking peasant versus the former Platinum Standard?
Lee laughs as he pours himself a drink. He takes a sip and sets the glass back down.
Lee Best: I will say this…..if the LOWEST RANKED WRESTLER ON THE ROSTER is smart enough to work his way on the PPV…..the rest of these motherfuckers have NO EXCUSE. None. Zero. Nada. Fucking pricks.
Lee turns towards his chair towards the 4th Wahl.
Lee Best: You seen Doozer? Palmer? Quinlan? Hollywood?
The 4th Wahl only shakes his head no.
Lee Best: Of course not. I am betting they are in the alley rolling some dice and suck each others dick to pay off their debts to the Foreman. Motherfuckers. Fuck this. Pick that motherfucker up and take him back with you. Send for my car. I am heading to Chicago. Fuck going to Wisconsin.
The 4th Wahl nods his head and bends down and picks up the limp body of Bobby Dean.
Lee Best: I don’t know how you picked up that lard of flakes so easily…..but make sure his cell is NOT next to Solex. I need Solex getting well…..I don’t need Bobby explaining Yellow Dye #5 to Solex over the next three weeks. Put him as far away as possible. Got it?
The 4th Wahl nods and walks out with Dean over his shoulder.
Lee watches the man leave and then looks down at his phone that is vibrating.
Lee Best: Hello? You know damn well I don’t speak fucking Chinese or Japanese or whatever fucking -ese you are speaking……..I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING…….
Lee hangs up the phone and sighs heavily before taking another drink.
Lee Best: I’m too old for this shit.
With that we cut to an unplanned commercial break.
World Championship Match
Conor Fuse vs. Sutler Reynolds-Kael©
The SON vs. The FATHER
LSD Championship Match
Teddy Palmer vs. vs. Clay Byrd vs Darin Zion/John Sektor©
Xander Azula vs. Jatt Starr
John Sektor vs. Darin Zion
We return back to ringside at the Little Caesar’s Arena with Brian McVey standing in the middle of the ring, microphone in hand.
Brian McVey: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the LSD CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!
The crowd erupts in cheers.
Brian McVey: Introducing first, the challenger, from Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri, weighing in at 220 pounds…..DARIN ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!
“Happy Song” by Bring Me the Horizon plays as Darin Zion emerges and makes his way down the ramp.
Joe Hoffmann: Here comes the man coming off a valiant effort last week against Sutler Kael.
Benny Newell: “Valiant effort” is code for “fucking loser”. Sektor will have Zion shitting blood before the match is through….which should be five minutes from now.
As Zion heads down the ramp he slaps hands with the fans, who erupt in applause and cheers. Zion climbs the turnbuckle and sticks his hands out as we reach the chorus of the song. He flips off the turnbuckle pad and hands the referee his jacket. Zion shakes his head, mentally preparing for Sektor.
Brian McVey: And his opponent, from Miami, Florida weighing in at 245 pounds, he is the LSD Champion…..JOHN SEKTOOOOOOOOOOOR!!!!!
John Sektor emerges to a deafening array of boos and jeers as “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” by AC/DC blares across the arena. Sektor, with the LSD Championship over his shoulder, walks towards the ring, serious and with purpose.
Joe Hoffmann: And here comes the LSD Champion! The man who is currently scheduled to defend his title at “Bottomline” against Teddy Palmer and his Best Alliance teammate, Clay Byrd.
Benny Newell: “Valiant Effort” Darin Zion should be shitting himself right about now! Look at Sektor, Hoffhole, he looks like a fucking serial killer with an urge to fucking murder somebody.
Joe Hoffmann: He does look serious, Benny and this will not be easy for Darin Zion, that’s for sure.
Benny Newell: Try fucking impossible!
Sektor makes his way onto the ring apron and as he is entering the ring, Darin Zion quickly strikes by charging the LSD Champion and leveling him with a flurry of rights and lefts. Sektor falls into the ring as the LSD Championship falls to the mat (which is eventually recovered by a member of the production crew outside.
Benny Newell: What the fuck is this bullshit???
Joe Hoffmann: This is Darin Zion wasting no time!
Matt Boettcher signals for the bell as Darin Zion mounts Sektor and begins flailing away with punches, all Sektor can do is try to cover his head with his arms.
Joe Hoffmann: This match has officially started!
Darin Zion hops up off of Sektor and the crowd erupts in cheers. Sektor starts to get up, Darin Zion delivers a dropkick to Sektor’s back, sending him into the corner. Sektor staggers backward into the waiting arms of Zion who delivers a German suplex.
Joe Hoffmann: We’re seeing a slightly more aggressive Zion tonight. Perhaps losing to Sutler Kael last week has lit a fire under him.
Benny Newell: I’m too fucking sober to watch this!
Darin Zion stomps on the back of Sektor before delivering an elbow drop. Zion grabs Sektor by the hair, pulling him up. Zion whips Sektor into the ropes and Sektor bounces off, Zion catches him and hits a T-Bone suplex Zion hooks the leg…..
Tw— KICKOUT BY SEKTOR.
Joe Hoffmann: Zion was looking to put Sektor away early.
Benny Newell: Shove it, Hoffhole!
Darin Zion is up, he pulls Sektor up and Sektor immediately hits Zion with a jab. Both men are exchanging blows. Finally, Sektor brings a knee to the midsection and follows up with a whip to the ropes, Sektor drops his head, Zion kicks him in the face on the return. Sektor staggers backwards, Zion charges, Sektor evades and grabs Zion by the head and launches him over the top rope on the floor. Boettcher begins his count.
Benny Newell: YES!!!
Joe Hoffmann: Sektor, the Gold Standard, finally catches a break. Can he capitalize?
Benny Newell: Are you fucking kidding me? Do I get diarrhea from Mexican street food?
Joe Hoffmann: I don’t think anyone—-
Benny Newell: YES! DRINK!!!
Darin Zion is slowly rising from the ringside floor as Sektor looks on and readies himself.
Darin Zion shakes his head for a moment and immediately charges into the ring, sliding under the bottom rope. As he gets up, Sektor levels him with a right hand, followed by another, and another. Sektor whips Zion into the corner and immediately follows. Sektor connects with a clothesline.
Joe Hoffmann: The momentum is shifting, Benny. Sektor looks like he is starting to take control of this match.
Benny Newell: I never doubted him for a second!
Sektor begins nailing Darin Zion with chop after chop after chop to the chest. Sektor whips Zion into the opposite corner. Zion hits the turnbuckle, Sektor charges and delivers a shoulder to the midsection. Sektor grabs Zion and delivers a snap suplex. Sektor follows up with a front chinlock.
Joe Hoffmann: Darin Zion came at him with such aggression, clearly Sektor wants to wear him down and control the pace of this match.
Benny Newell: I hope he chokes the fucking life out of Zion. Two fucking weeks in a row we have to endure Darin Fucking Zion in the main event??? What the fuck!!!
Darin Zion delivers an elbow to Sektor’s stomach, then another, and after third, Sektor releases the hold, Zion hits the ropes, charges, and Sektor hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Sektor then proceeds to lock in the camel clutch!
Joe Hoffmann: Darin Zion is fighting it.
Benny Newell: He should just fucking tap and call it a night!
Darin Zion’s face is in agony as Sektor continues to apply pressure. Boettcher, for his part, eyes Zion, looking for a tap, listening for surrender. He hears nothing but painful groans and screams. The crowd begins chanting “DAR-IN ZI-ON!”
Joe Hoffmann: The crowd is making no secret who they’re supporting.
Benny Newell: We’re in Detroit! It’s full of drunken fucking idiots!!! DRINK!
As powered by the chanting, Darin Zion slowly begins fighting through the pain. Zion manages to get on both knees. Sektor, for the briefest of moments, looks stunned as Zion manages to get one foot on the mat. Before he can do anything else, though, Sektor releases the hold and connects with a forearm to the side of Zion’s head. Sektor proceeds to kick and stomp on Zion furiously.
Joe Hoffmann: Darin Zion almost broke the hold and Sektor, smartly refused to allow that to happen.
Benny Newell: Darin Zion, the king of fucking “almost”.
Sektor pulls up Darin Zion and connects with a Northern Lights Suplex with a bridge. Boettcher counts.
Kickout by Zion.
Sektor is up. He proceeds to stalk Darin Zion is on all fours. Zion is up, Sektor grabs Zion from behind, but Zion grabs the ropes with one hand and elbows Sektor in th side of the head. Sektor releases, charges, Zion back body drops Sektor over the ropes but Sektor lands on the ring apron. Zion catches this, quickly grabs Sektor’s head and guillotines him with the top rope. Sektor is sent flying into the barricade!
Benny Newell: He can’t do that! You can’t use the ring ropes like a weapon! DISQUALIFY ZION, BITCHER!!!!
Joe Hoffmann: He can do that and he did do that. Sektor had a great presence of mind to counter but Darin Zion quickly adapted and sent Sektor to the floor.
“ONE!” Boettcher counts as now it Darin Zion’s turn to recuperate as Sekor rolls on the ground outside of the ring.
“TWO!” Zion is still getting his wits together as Sektor slowly gets to his knees.
“THREE!” Sektor slowly gets up.
“FOUR!” Sektor stands up but Darin Zion connects with a baseball slide which causes Sektor to stagger back into the barricade. Matt Boettcher resets his count.
“ONE!” Darin Zion whips Sektor into the ringsteps.
Benny Newell: What the fuck is this? Come on Sektor!!!!
“TWO!” Darin Zion charges Sektor is up and connects with a clothesline. He proceeds to mount Sektor….
“THREE!” ….and unleash a plethora of rights and lefts.
“FOUR!” Darin Zion lifts up Sektor and connects with a Snap DDT onto the floor.
“FIVE!” Darin Zion drops an elbow on Sektor before pulling Sektor up.
Joe Hoffmann: Darin Zion cannot win the LSD Championship if they are both counted out.
Benny Newell: Darin Zion cannot win the LSD Championship PERIOD! GET THE FUCK UP, SEKTOR!!!!
“SIX!” Darin Zion manages to lift Sektor up and roll him into the ring. Zion enters the ring and covers. Boettcher counts.
KICK OUT by Sektor.
Darn Zion looks frustrated as he gets to his feet. Zion pulls up Sektor and delivers a wristclutch suplex. Zion follows up by pulling Sektor up and whips him into the ropes, on the return, Sektor ducks the clothesline, bounces off the opposite rope, looking for a clothesline of his own, but Zion ducks, Sektor turns, gets a boot to the gut, and Zion nails the Ratings Spike!
Joe Hoffmann: Ratings Spike! This could do it!
Benny Newell: This must be a fucking nightmare I’m having, but I don’t see Rip Taylor doing the Funky Chicken anywhere….
Zion covers, hooks the leg, Boettcher counts…..
Sektor just got his shoulder up. Darin Zion mounts Sektor, grabs his head, and begins nailing him with his right hand once, twice, ten times! Boettcher is finally able to pull Zion off of the Gold Standard.
Joe Hoffmann: You have to wonder what’s going through Darin Zion’s mind right now.
Benny Newell: Fuck him! What about Sektor? You just know Teddy Palmer is jerking off to this.
Joe Hoffmann: I don’t think anyone wants to know that.
As Boettcher admonishes Darin Zion, Sektor is up. Zion connects with a boot to the gut. Zion looks for a suplex, Sektor is lifted up, countes, and lands on his feet. Sektor shoves Zion into the corner. Zio hits the corner chest first, staggers backwards, Sektor grabs Zion’s arms and delivers a double arm lift into ta facebuster!
Benny Newell: YES!!!
Joe Hoffmann: C-Sektion! Darin Zion may have missed out on yet another opportunity!
Benny Newell: SEKTOR RETAINS! SEKTOR IS GOING TO BOTTOMLINE!!!
Sektor hooks the leg and covers. Boettcher counts…..
NO! Zion’s shoulder came up a hair before Boettcher’s hand touched the mat.
Benny Newell: That was three! Fucking Bitcher!!!!
Joe Hoffmann: It was almost a three!
Sektor not wasting any time pulls up Darin Zion and hits a neckbreaker. Sektor pulls Zion back up and throws him between the top rope and middle rope, Zion’s head connects with the metal post. Sektor rolls up Darin Zion.
Benny Newell: FUCK!!!!!
Joe Hoffmann: Darin Zion is showing he has some fight left in him.
Sektor gets up and rubs his moustache as Darin Zion, who has a trickle of blood rolling down his head from his hairline slowly gets to his feet. Sektor, positioned behind Zion, hits a spinning forearm to his neck. Zion drops to a knee and Sektor kicks Zion in the back. Sektor pulls up Zion and lifts him and delivers a gutwrench neckbreaker. Sektor covers…..the count….
Shoulder up by Darin Zion!
Joe Hoffmann: There is no quit in Darin Zion tonight!
Benny Newell: Sektor is fucking demolishing Zion right now! That little shit should just give up!
Sektor has had enough. Sektor proceeds to lock in his Dragon Sleeper finisher but Darin Zion immediately grabs the ropes. Sektor kicks Darin Zion in the head and pulls him away from the ropes. This time, he does lock in the Sektor Stretch.
Benny Newell: YES!!!! TAP YOU SHIT!!!! TAAAAAAP!!!! DRINK!!!!
Joe Hoffmann: This could do it!
Sektor has the hold locked in, Zion is rocking back and forth, his arm flailing. He reaches out to the bottom rope which is inches away from him. He continues to rock back and forth, the trickle of blood is becoming more of a flow, he screams in pain, but he continues to fight.
Benny Newell: What is he, a fucking moron? Tap already! He’s never gonna reach—-
Joe Hoffmann: Zion might be able to reach the ropes!!!!
Sure enough, Darin Zion’s foot is about a foot from the bottom rope. He leg is flailing, he continues to battle through, rocking Sektor back and forth, hoping he can get that little nudge. Sektor continues to apply pressure. Zion continues to flail and fight. The crowd cheers him on.
Joe Hoffmann: Zion is fighting with every ounce he has! Who knows when he will have another opportunity like this?
Benny Newell: TAP!!!!! JUST FUCKING TAP!!!!
Joe Hoffmann: He’s gonna do it!!!!!! He’s gonna do it!!!!!!
With one last reach of his leg……….
…..Zion extending his leg and foot as far as possible….
……it flops to the mat….
…..Motionless. The flailing stops….
Matt Boettcher checks on Darin Zion.
Darin Zion is out cold. Matt Boettcher lifts Zion’s arm and drops down to the mat. Convinced, Matt Boettcher calls for the bell.
“DING! DING! DING!”
Brian McVey: HERE IS YOUR WINNER…….AND STILL LSD CHAMPION……JOHN SEKTOOOOOOOOOOOOR!!!!!!!
Benny Newell: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Let me guess, Hoffhole, another “valiant effort”?
John Sektor is awarded his LSD Championship which he hoists in the air over Darin Zion, who seems to be slowly coming to.
Joe Hoffmann: Yes, Benny. Darin Zion left it all out there. He didn’t give up, he didn’t quit, and I don’t think this will be his last opportunity. What he showed out here tonight was grit!
Benny Newell: Here’s what he showed me, Hoffhole: HOTV Title, the HOW Championship, and now the LSD Championship! A three time loser!!!! He will always be an “Almost Champion”!
Joe Hoffmann: In any case, Sektor, since War Games, has been on a tear, but his biggest test comes at “Bottomline”.
Benny Newell: Best Alliance domination!!!
The show comes to an end as Sektor climbs to the second turnbuckle and raises the LSD Championship high in the air as we see Darin Zion sitting up in the middle of the ring looking dejected from another title opportunity just slipping thru his fingers.
World Championship Match
Conor Fuse vs. Sutler Reynolds-Kael©
The SON vs. The FATHER
LSD Championship Match
Teddy Palmer vs. vs. Clay Byrd vs John Sektor©
Xander Azula vs. Jatt Starr
As the raucous night comes to a close, Barbie-Q and her ASU-ites party their way out into the parking lot. The celebration for Rah’s victory earlier tonight continues, much like Rah’s honeymoon itself would elsewhere.
Chants to the Sun God fill the parking lot night as some of the departing HOW crowd strengthen and bolster their resolve. It rises like a wave, carried out and disseminated among the sea of fleeing vehicles.
The party seems to stop on a dime, as Barbie-Q puts both of her hands out. Some of her ex-sorority sisters bump and fall into her, kept upright by the next one in line who bumps into their back. In the front, Barbie holds her ground, and stares slack jawed.
The old ratted and rusted yellow school bus doesn’t look as ratted as before. Now, it’s been colored, painted a deep blood red, but hastily so, so some of the underlying yellow rust continues to show. In the front of the bus, the headlights look like two eyes have been painted. That’s when they flicker alight, shining onto the Sun God’s entourage.
Climbing out of the driver’s side window is a no doubt tetanus riddled High Flyer. He shouts, waving toward the crowd before him.
High Flyer: I AM THE CAPTAIN NOW! Who wants to board my ship! You? You? Last chance!
Flyer points to the crowd of the Sun God’s followers. None seem too pleased to join Flyer’s side. Flyer shrugs, barely giving them a second to answer.
High Flyer: YOUR LOSS!
After a moment, the bus lurches forward, and then comes barreling toward Barbie. The crowd splits on either side of the bus, narrowly avoiding the cackling High Flyer, who drives straight through the crowd with no care of concern for safety. As he drives by, he tosses a ham sandwich out of the driver’s side window. It splats at Barbie-Q’s feet as the bus swerves off, around a corner, and into the distance.
Barbie-Q: Well then.
Barbie gets her cell phone out and tries to dial Rah.
It’s time to see the world
It’s time to kiss a girl-
Sunny O’Callahan busts out laughing.
Barbie-Q turns and gives her a withering glare causing Sunny to cover her mouth and try to suppress her laughter.
It doesn’t work.
Fade to black.