Refueled LXIX

The HOW and HOTv logos give way as a video begins to air……clearly taped earlier this evening.

Benny Newell is seen stepping out of is rental car when Steve Harrison walks up to him with a visible limp still with a bag in his hand.  Benny sees Steve as he steps out and looks confused but grasps the bag in his right hand as tightly as he can.

Steve Harrison: Benny…

Benny Newell: No, Steve you cannot steal my Jack again.

Steve chuckles and hands Benny the bag in his hand.

Steve Harrison: Here is a little apology for last week.

Benny opens the bag and pulls out a bottle of Jack Daniels Sinatra Select which is one of the more expensive Whiskeys that Jack Daniels bottles.  Benny stares at it and big smile comes upon his face.

Benny Newell: Excellent…I mean I forgive you this time, Steve just don’t let it happen again.

Harrison shrugs his shoulders and then pats Benny on the back.

Steve Harrison: I will take that under consideration and I will ask the next time I need a drink after having to deal with my supposed allies acting like children.

Benny begins walking away and pauses.  He looks back at Steve.

Benny Newell: Lee is all that matters and maybe you just don’t have that killer instinct anymore if you are worried about others.

Benny smiles and walks away towards the Arena as Steve turns from him and shakes his head.

Steve Harrison: Bunch of unoriginal nonsense.  Retiring Dan Ryan showed I had more than enough killer instinct.  If people like Jace honestly believe that is what is missing from me then they are living under a large fucking boulder.  I lost focus for a bit because my life is slowly spinning down a drain.  I have my focus back as much as I can for someone in my predicament and having a knee that is going to give out any minute now.

Harrison smacks his knee and sighs.

Steve Harrison: Jace is just another in a long line of idiots who just rehash others insults.  It is sad and rather predictable but for someone who doesn’t understand what it means to shine this is just what WE all must put up with.  I have no issue hurting Jace tonight and if he thinks otherwise, he will be tossed on his neck so many times that it will shrink so much it won’t be able to handle that big head of his.

Harrison turns and starts limping towards the Arena as the video footage ends and we cut LIVE inside the arena.

A wealth of pyro, signs as far as the eye can see. The opening chords of “Blood Runs Red”, the official theme of Refueled, rock into a sea of HOW fans chanting and cheering live inside the FedEx Forum here in Memphis.

Joe Hoffman: Ladies and gentleman, welcome to Refueled! I’m Joe Hoffman standing alongside Benny Newell and we’ve got one humdinger of a show for you!

Benny Newell: 18,000 plus fans packed into the FedEx Forum to see Darin Zion get tossed out on his ass by Human Resources, the current world Champ, Sutler Reynolds-Kael! I CAN’T WAIT! DRINK!

Joe Hoffman: That’s our main event, but isn’t our only title match, as Steve Harrison challenges Jace Parker Davidson for the HOTv Championship. Not to mention, Sutler’s challenger for that World Championship at Bottom Line is in action. Should Sutler best Zion.

Benny Newell: Should?! HA! OF COURSE HE WILL!!

Joe Hoffman: Conor Fuse, the number one contender to the World Championship squares off against Bobby Dean tonight.

Benny Newell: But stop looking at the future, let’s just enjoy the moment, and DRINK!

Joe Hoffman: Let’s head to ringside!

Bryan McVay stands in the center of the ring, ready to kick off the 77th edition of Refueled.

Bryan McVay: This match is the opening contest scheduled for one fall!

The Chorus of “Never Look Back” hits full swing, as the overhead lights dim blue. White flashes lead the way to ringside as Eli bursts from the back, boundless energy and confidence. She throws her fist in the air.

Bryan McVay: Introducing first… from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, weighing in at one hundred and fifty three pounds, Eli, DRESDEN!

Eli slaps the fans hands as she makes her way to ringside. She quickly rushes up the steps and to the top, before thrusting her fist skyward. The fans cheer in approval as she hops off into the ring.

Bryan McVay: And her opponent, hailing from Long Beach, California, weighing in tonight at two hundred and thirty pounds…

The whistling intro of “Engel” brings out the Eternal Circle, flanked by Xander Azula. The Circle surrounds Xander as he makes his way to ringside, and then flank out around all sides. Eli takes a look around, prepared to fight all of them as they climb onto the apron. Xander climbs onto the apron and enters, smiling wide, before he nods and directs the Legion’s subordinates to relent.

Bryan McVay: …he is Xander AZULA!

Before long, they disappear, leaving Legion across the ring from Eli, cracking his knuckles.

Joe Hoffman: Eli may have her work cut out for her tonight, if she can’t keep up the pace.

Benny Newell: Oh, no one can keep up with me. DRINK!

Joe Hoffman: That’s not what I meant.

Xander meets Eli in the center of the ring with an uncharacteristic test of strength. Eli is reluctant, but reaches out, only for Xander to clock her with a stiff jab. Eli stays on, grabbing Dresden in a side headlock. Eli shoves him off, sternum first into the turnbuckle. A breathless Azula turns into an arm drag. Then another by Eli, followed by a dropkick that sends him sprawling to the outside.

Joe Hoffman: Xander Azula, trying to use his size to his advantage. He probably doesn’t have a ton of experience in that dynamic, but Eli def-INITELY HAS! OH MY GOD! OH-EM-GEE!

Benny Newell: I knew you were a millennial at heart.

Joe Hoffman: Eli Dresden hitting a picture perfect almost Trading card esq dive to the outside on Xander. She’s not going to spend any time out there in Azula’s territory.

Eli tosses Xander under the bottom rope. Azula stumbles to his feet as Eli climbs the buckles, only to eat a missile dropkick to the face. Azula tumbles into the corner, only for Eli to nail INCOMING! She quickly pulls Xander out and dives on top for the count, Boettcher sliding into position.

One.

Two.

Xander rolls over and to his knees. Eli charges, and Azula side steps, shoving her into the corner so her sternum cradles the turnbuckles and she remains seated on the middle buckle. From there, Azula, angry, starts ripping and raking at the eyes.

Joe Hoffman: Oh that’s just uncalled for!

Benny Newell: What was it? I couldn’t see.

Joe Hoffman: And now he’s offering her a hand shake?! What sort of mind games is Xander Azula up to?

Dresden turns around to see the hand extended, and just looks up confused. She shakes her head no, so Azula rushes, catching her with a few clubbing blows before nailing a snap suplex. Azula then tries to lift her and holds her for a delayed, but Dresden catches him with a few knees. She runs off the far ropes, only to run into a drop toe hold. Eli’s face bounces off the mat as Azula reaches in, digging his fingers into Dresden’s mouth and yanking at her with his knee on her back. Boettcher reprimands Xander as he gets up. Xander in response, asks Boettcher if he’s missing something in his life.

Benny Newell: I’m pretty sure Boettcher’s gonna side with the guy signin’ his checks, idiot. DRINK!

Boettcher scratches his head, before Eli rolls him up. Boettcher slides into place.

One.

Two.

Kickout. Both wrestlers get to their feet, and Eli ducks under a wild clothesline. She lucha spins around Azula, before tossing him with a dizzying arm drag to a subdued cheer. Eli charges into the corner, leaping up, and then monkey flipping a disoriented Legion to the center of the ring.

Joe Hoffman: Benny, Eli hasn’t let up off the accelerator here, and I don’t know if Xander can afford to keep up at this pace.

Benny Newell: She’s like a damn ping pong ball when it falls off the table after you’ve run beer pong for five hours.

Xander looks out for his Circle, but he’s sent them to the back. He turns.

Joe Hoffman: OH EM EFF ENN! The OMFN, I saw the Legion himself’s head snap off that mat.

Benny Newell: I know Whiplash when I see it!

Eliza dives on top, hooking the leg with an extra amount of zealous joy. She almost hooks him so much he would flip out the other side.

One.

Two!

THREE!

Dresden slides off and jumps to her feet as Boettcher raises her hand.

Joe Hoffman: Eliza Dresden with a big victory over Xander Azula. Congratulations. She is just a joy to watch.

Benny Newell: Much like it’ll be fun to watch Sutler destroy the hopes and dreams of Darin Zion. I’m going to be BOMBED for that!

The action cuts away as Joe is staring at Benny…..just quite unsure if Benny is playing with him for the over zealous rooting for Sutler.

The scene cuts to the FedEx Forum’s underground parking garage near the loading docks. Jatt Starr, sporting his Clay Byrd cowboy hat, a 97Red suit (no shirt underneath in order to show off his newly reformed athletic chest and abs), and a hookah shell necklace. He is downing a green smoothie and turns his attention to the camera.

JATT STARR: Fat chicks and morbidly obese dudes that call themselves fans of the HOW, as Liasion of Health and Nutrition, the Ruler of Jattlantis is proud to inform you, that I have removed several concession stands, all selling hot dogs and beer, and replaced them with smoothie stands. They are called “Sutler Kale Sucks” which specializes in kale based smoothies. I am enjoying the pineapple and kale. I can feel the Vitamin C, K, Calcium, and Iron coursing through my body. Wabid Wabbit!

The imposing figure and less-than-imposing smiling bunny mask of the Wabid Wabbit enters the frame.

JATT STARR: Set a meeting with Steve Harrison, I want him to promote the hell out of my healthy concession options and to help me figure out a way to eliminate alcohol from HOW events.

WABID WABBIT: Wight. But I dunno how weawistic that would be.

JATT STARR: Oh! And make sure Anton handles that bill. I’ll be damned if I get stuck paying that.

The Wabbit Wabbit nods as he pulls out his phone from the interior pocket of his plaid suit jacket and begins tapping away to set a reminder for himself.

JATT STARR: Now! Onto the earth shattering announcement that will change the HOW forever! At “War Games”, Conor Snooze orchestrated the attempt to cripple the Hero of Jattlanta, but didn’t have the guts to do it himself, he had some flunky do it. I have been to four doctors, one of which said I would never wrestler again, three said it would take over a year to properly heal from this kind of injury. But the fifth doctor, Doctor Quackenshite, has officially cleared me to wrestle!

WABIT WABBIT: Isn’t he a podiatwist?

The Wabid Wabbit looks through his phone.

JATT STARR: He’s a doctor! The point is, the Duke of Jattmandu is officially BACK!!!!

WABID WABBIT: It says he has nine pending mawpwactice suits.

The Thane of Starrkarth, not looking away from the camera, takes a long sip from his smoothie and knocks the phone from the Wabid Wabbit’s hands without looking. As Wabid Wabbit reaches for his phone, an unmarked white van pulls into the underground parking garage. Anton the Fourth pops out of the driver seat and heads to the back of the van.

ANTON: Elmer Fuck! Assist me!

WABIT WABBIT: He is vewy diswespectful. He needs to stop cawwin’ me that or I’m gonna have to kick his ass.

JATT STARR: I won’t stop you.

The Wabid Wabbit makes his way to the back of the van.

JATT STARR: And now, Xanax Ovula, last week, Anton stated that I would address your vile actions against the Champion of Jattanooga two weeks ago. Not only did you WASTE four thousand dollars of beluga but you humiliated me on my own show! Not only that, but your freakin’ Eris worship, is a slap to the face to the HOW.

The King of Jatten Island finishes off his smoothie and tosses it, presumably right into a nearby garbage can, but one can’t know for sure. Jatt Starr snaps his fingers and the Wabid Wabbit with Anton the Fourth, with the help of a dolly, wheel a marble statue of Eris, Greek goddess of discord and chaos. Eris, wearing a toga draped over her right shoulder but exposes her left boob. In her hand, she holds an apple.

JATT STARR: This? This is what you worship, Xanadu? This is the Goddess of Chaos and Discord?

ANTON: Sounds like my ex-wife, Trixie! Am I right, chaps?

Anton the Fourth looks for a high five but is denied. He looks expectantly at the Wabid Wabbit. Jatt Starr, ignoring Anton, just looks the statue up and down before turning back towards the camera.

WABID WABBIT: I wouldn’t know. I nevuh met Twixie.

ANTON: Consider yourself lucky, she was a right vile twat.

JATT STARR: Silence!

The Ruler of Jattlantis turns back to the statue and walks around it. He turns towards the camera and points to the exposed boob.

JATT STARR: Welly, well, well!! It looks like she had a little bit of a nipslip. Or maybe she’s a whorish little minx.

Jatt Starr grabs the marble boob disrespectfully and squeezes.

JATT STARR: HONK! HONK!

The action causes the Wabid Wabbit to turn away as a smugly smiling Jatt Starr puts his arm around the statue when he hears the loud whirring sound of a drill.

JATT STARR: What’s going on back there?

ANTON: I’m about to drill a hole in the bum.

JATT STARR: Why?

ANTON: So I can drill her hole with my cock.

The King of Grapple from the Big Apple drops his head and ribs his eyes with his free hand.

JATT STARR: DON’T.

ANTON: I thought you wanted this statue defiled.

JATT STARR: I said “defaced”! DEFACED.

ANTON: I fail to see the difference.

JATT STARR: You’re not drilling this statue!!!! There will be no drilling of the buttocks.

ANTON: Fair enough.

Jatt Starr proceeds to turn his attention towards the Eris statue as the Wabid Wabbit exits the frame.

JATT STARR: You know, when I was in recovery, there was one particular counselor who taught us that rehab is not a cure, it’s the first step. He stressed that for us to maintain our sobriety, the key was structure and order, that we had a responsibility to ourselves to eliminate toxicity and chaos from our lives. Wabid Wabbit?

The Wabid Wabbit returns with a sledgehammer. The Jattsylvanian Count proceeds to remove his 97Red suit jacket revealing his perfectly athletic and toned physique.

JATT STARR: As Liaison of Health and Nutrition, I not only have a responsibility to myself, but I owe it to the HOW to maintain a chaos free environment. Besides, in the HOW, there is only room for one G-O-D, Lee Best.

The Wabid Wabbit hands Jatt Starr the sledgehammer and Jatt Starr hands the Wabid Wabbit his jacket.

JATT STARR: Fuck Eris.

The Sultan of SeaJattle takes a mighty swing and connects with the midsection of the goddess statue. The marble sprays everywhere, a cloud of white dust floats in the air as Jatt Starr brings the hammer down again and again, crushing the remnants of Eris. Jatt Starr turns back to the camera as Anton begins looking at and rummaging through the rubble.

JATT STARR: The Grand Overlord of Jatturn has crushed your goddess and soon, you will be left just like her….just a pile of garbage waiting to be hauled off. Praise be to Lee.

ANTON: I’ve found the tit!

Anton the Fourth holds up the remnants of the breast as if he were holding up a trophy. The Jattlantic City Idol drops the sledgehammer and takes his suit jacket from his masked associate, putting it back on.

WABID WABBIT (to Jatt Starr): What do we do with this?

JATT STARR: Take some of it and put it in the public toilets. Let the rabble urinate on the remains. The rest? I don’t care.

Jatt Starr exits the frame as Anton the Fourth shoves the tit down his pants and picks up the head and the drill before proceeding to the back of the van. Meanwhile, the Wabid Wabbit begins placing some of the smaller pieces into a bucket before the scene ends.

We cut back live inside the arena where suddenly Cole’s Mr. Nice Watch blasts from the arena sound system. After a moment, Kevin Capone comes out from backstage dressed in an all black tracksuit and low black trainers. He stands at the entrance way, eyes heavy, and rubs his 4-finger length beard as his face pans slowly throughout the crowd. Capone exhales deeply. He makes his way down towards the ringside area at a brisk pace and walks up the steps and into the ring. Kevin walks towards a corner and asks for a mic. A staff member walks over and hands him a microphone through the middle and top rope. Capone makes his way to the center of the ring and stands up straight.

Kevin Capone: So…

He exhales deeply again.

Kevin Capone: I would have liked to have been able to come out here tonight in front of you fine folks and tell you that I was injured for the past 9 months. That, I don’t know, I had blown my ACL. Torn my achilles, maybe. That I just had a porn star-sized load of bad luck and after nearly 20 years of waiting and just 2 matches later, I was sidelined with a gnarly fracture of some sort and that – that is why I hadn’t been around since making my much wanted debut months ago. But truth is, the only thing that was injured, the only thing that was fractured…

Nods affirmatively

Kevin Capone: Was my ego.

Kevin Capone: I had to face facts, I just didn’t have what it takes to get a win in HOW. That shit hurt…hurts. BAD. I’ve traveled across the world, forced to take the scenic route in places like Germany and Japan for 15 cents on the dollar because I had to pay my dues and show my worth. I waited…and waited, 19 years, 6 months, and 22 days to be exact, to get the fucking call and for what? To show I wasn’t ready? To show that every time management turned down my application over the years, they were right?

Kevin Capone: Yeah, Capone is a good wrestler, but he’s just not High Octane Wrestling good. NO. Fuck that.

Kevin Capone: (Nods affirmatively again) I lost my first two matches in HOW. I did. But there is no shame in losing, much less to two hall of famers. The only thing I lost was my pride. At my ripe age of 44, those two matches, especially the last, took more out of me than anything in the last 5 years. Not that anyone in HOW would know, but take my word for it, I’ve been around the block. I know this is the big leagues.

Kevin Capone: Jatt Star and John Sektor showed me exactly what I was expecting when I signed on to wrestle here. So maybe I was in over my head. Maybe I still am. But guess what? My High Octane Wrestling career won’t end with those two matches if I have a single ounce of breath left in me.

Kevin Capone: So here I am. Back. A little worse for wear. A lemon in some eyes. Fuck them. This has been my dream for almost 20 years and I’ll be damned if two matches, regardless of who they were against, ends my chance to cement my name in the pinnacle of wrestling. I’ll do anything in my power to make sure my career in HOW continues. Not only that, but thrives. So I’m issuing a challenge…

He looks towards the backstage area.

Kevin Capone: To management.

Kevin Capone: Grant me a match next week. I NEED to know (slaps abdomen), in my core, if I belong. I need to know more than anything in this world.

Kevin Capone: I know whoever you choose will be formidable, there isn’t a week in HOW when that won’t be the case but I couldn’t give two shits. Do they want it more than me? Are they willing to go to the lengths that I am? And if so, are they ok with the consequences?

Kevin Capone: This isn’t a game to me. I breathe this business. Most guys come in hailing from such and such glorious place and go on diatribes about why HOW is lucky to have them. I’m lucky to still have HOW. That difference in perspective is what separates eating and being eaten. I’ve been eaten enough already in my short time in High Octane Wrestling. It’s time I do some eating. Whoever is chosen will be food and I’m starving. Can I do it?

Capone looks into the camera.

Kevin Capone: Come find out with me!

Capone continues to stare directly into the camera as we cut away and to our first commercial break of the evening.

Back live from commercial and we cut immediately to longtime ring announcer Bryan McVay for the start of our next match.

Bryan McVay: This match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first… from Boston, Massachusetts, weighing two-hundred-seventy-three pound… DOOZER!

There’s no music or lights or pyro when Doozer comes out, but hey–he’s getting announced down to the ring at least. It also seems that his recent victory has earned him a little bit of a crowd response, a few cheers here and there. The Dooze simply climbs into the ring with no fanfare, making his way over to his corner before he does a couple stretches to prepare for his opponent.

Joe Hoffman: In spite of how he’s got the edge in experience in an HOW ring, Doozer was quoted as saying that he felt like the underdog coming into this match.

Benny Newell: It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, Joe–like how I’m saying it now. I’m gonna need at least the rest of this bottle of Jack to make this match bearable!

Joe Hoffman: Why do I try to engage you in meaningful conversation? It’s like talking to a brick wall most of the time.

Benny Newell: What was that? I can’t hear you over the sound of this hooch killing my boredom!

Bryan McVay: And his opponent, from Brantford, Ontario, Canada, weighing two-hundred-fifty-five pounds… MITCH QUINLAN!

“Nosebleed Section” by Hilltop Hoods hits the sound system, the crowd’s reaction growing more enthusiastic as spotlights swirl over the crowd, the camera searching for Mitch Qunlan. A few moments later and Quinlan is spotted near the railing, his features less jovial than before. No, the Fool Saint looks intent on making an impact as he climbs over the rail, paying no mind to the fans patting his back. Mitch gets into the ring, a sidelong glance given to the crowd–and maybe a wink–as the music fades.

Joe Hoffman: Mitch had a good showing last week. Had Eli Dresden not managed to escape his attempt at locking in Kingdom Come, he probably would’ve come out on top.

Benny Newell: Mitch is the cure for losing streaks!

Joe Hoffman: But Doozer won his last match, Benny–

Benny Newell: Then fuck it, maybe he’ll be his own cure. I don’t know, and I don’t give a shit .DRINK!

Mitch’s expression remains focused as his attention centers upon his opponent, Doozer nodding faintly in response. Joel Ortega is quick to motion for the bell.

DING DING DING!

The bell rings and both men meet in the center of the ring, Doozer holding his hand out for a handshake for all of half a second before withdrawing the offer with a smirk. Mitch’s eyes narrow subtly at the jab.

Joe Hoffman: Doozer mocking Mitch for his display of sportsmanship after his loss to Eli Dresden last show. I don’t know if that’s a good idea.

Benny Newell: Of course it is! What’s Quinlan gonna do, philosophise at him–

Before Doozer can react, Mitch is surging forward with a stiff European Uppercut that sends his opponent back into the ropes! Dooze doesn’t go down, of course, but the way he looks at Quinlan makes it clear that a modicum of respect has been earned. Then again, the Fool Saint has also earned himself a punch to the mush, the two men quickly getting into a furious exchange of fists that has the crowd on their feet!

Joe Hoffman: These two are opening up on one another, and the fans love it!

Benny Newell: …wait, there’s actual VIOLENCE?! This match might get interesting after all!

The Dooze of All Trades is the one to get the upper hand with an uppercut that hits Quinlan’s jaw just right, sending him stumbling back just far enough for Doozer to grab his wrist and send him into the ropes. Mitch gets caught on the rebound by Dooze, who easily lifts him up before slamming into the mat back-first with a spinebuster! Doozer sticks the landing, going for the pin as Ortega gets into position.

Uno!

Do– Quinlan kicks out!

Joe Hoffman: It looks like Doozer’s strategy of drawing Quinlan away from his technical roots has paid off so far–

Benny Newell: No blood or broken bones?! Nevermind, I’m bored again. Back to the Jack!

Doozer is first to his feet, but Mitch isn’t too far behind–and when Doozer tries to send Quinlan into the ropes? The Fool Saint is digging in his heels and refusing to go! Doozer makes another attempt, Quinlan reversing the Irish Whip so that Dooze collides with the turnbuckle. When Doozer rebounds off of it, Mitch catches him in a suplex lift before dropping him into a GTS knee!

Joe Hoffman: And Mitch has just given Dooze some Chiclets!

Benny Newell: There’s no gum in professional wrestling, Joe! You know that!

Joe Hoffman: You–I’m not even gonna try to explain that one.

Dropping down onto Dooze, Mitch hooks the leg.

Uno!

Dos!

Dooze kicks out! Mitch sits back on his heels, a bemused smirk on his face as he clearly isn’t surprised at having to do more work to crack this opponent.

Benny Newell: Don’t sit there and smirk, you dumb bastard–keep on him! I wanna get to the REAL wrestling!

Joe Hoffman:This IS real wrestling, Benny.

Benny Newell: If there’s no member of the Best Alliance in the ring, it doesn’t count!

Mitch takes hold of Dooze’s head, guiding him up so both men get to a vertical base at about the same time–but Dooze is shoving free before Mitch can do much else! Backing himself into the ropes, Doozer charges forward with a clothesline that Quinlan ducks under, but on the rebound, Dooze palms the back of Mitch’s head and bulldogs it into the canvas!

Joe Hoffman: Doozer’s got some momentum going now! Let’s see if he can capitalize on it.

Benny Newell: Dooze’s dumb ass can’t even spell capitalize, much less know how to do so!

Mitch gets back to his feet, and Dooze lets him–he even motions for Mitch to stand up and turn around, encouraging him along. One kick to the midsection later and Quinlan has the air driven out of him, stunning him and putting him right where Dooze wants him. Doozer lifts Mitch up into a fireman’s carry before slamming him to the mat in a front body slam!

Joe Hoffman: EggU connects! This might be the end for Mitch.

Benny Newell: I just want it to be the end of this match. DRINK!

Leaning over Quinlan, the Dooze wags his finger before sending himself into the ropes, taking a giant step forward, and dropping that closed fist… but Quinlan rolls out of the way at the last second!

Joe Hoffman: Mitch was playing possum!

Benny Newell: So wha–WHOA!

Benny’s sudden excitement stems from the fact that, in a flash, Mitch has quickly gotten atop of Dooze’s back, his focus on technical prowess paying off in how he locks Doozer up tight in his Crossface Cobra Clutch, Kingdom Come ensnaring Dooze right in the middle of the ring!

Joe Hoffman: Kingdom Come! Mitch has finally got someone through those proverbial gates!

Benny Newell: Snap his neck! Break his jaw! End that stupid Egg-loving dickhead once and for all!

The Dooze visibly strains in an attempt to get free, trying to fight loose with all he has! So much hinges on his continued winning ways, but Mitch Quinlan’s not letting go. If anything, he’s wrenching the hold all the harder, Doozer crying out! Ortega asks if Dooze wants to throw in the towel, Doozer shaking his head no at first… but a few more seconds pass and he’s got no choice but to tap out!

DING DING DING!

Bryan McAvay: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner via submission…MITCH QUINLAN!

Releasing the submission hold, Quinlan gets to his feet, the fans cheering as the Fool Saint’s hand is held up in victory!

Joe Hoffman: It looks like you were right about Mitch being his own cure as his losing streak has officially come to an end!

Benny Newell: Of COURSE I was right, Joe! I’m the fucking Tyrion Lannister of HOW–I drink and I know things!

Joe Hoffman: Only one of those things is true, Benny, and I think we both know which one it is.

Benny Newell: Well I know I drink, so clearly BOTH are true. Speaking of–

Before Benny can utter the word we all know he was about to say…..we cut elsewhere.

We cut backstage to Blaire Moise standing a good three feet away from The Monster from Plainview. She has the microphone stuck out in his general direction.

Joe Hoffman: I think the last time Blaire talked to Clay, he destroyed catering.

Benny Newell: That catering table deserved everything that happened to it, so did the cameraman, and the EPU members that got hurt that evening. Lee rest their souls.

Joe Hoffman: Blaire, what do you have for us?

Blaire puts on a brave face and begins to speak.

Blaire Moise: Clay, you’ve been through a lot the last few weeks. It has to feel good getting that long awaited win over Cancer Jiles?

Clay Byrd: Dahlin, I did what I had ta do in that ring. It never feels good when ya have ta go ta war against yer brother. But what Lee asks, I do, plain and simple. He wanted Cancer Jiles’ ta eat a lariat and I delivered.

Blaire Moise: What do you have to say to the detractors that think Steve Harrison stole the show as the referee?

The smile on Clay’s face turns into a bit of a snarl, as Blaire takes a step backwards away from The Behemoth. He grinds his hand into his palm, taking a moment to answer.

Clay Byrd: Now Blaire, why’d ya have ta go and say a thing like that? Here I was bein’ a gentlemen, and ya had ta go and bring up the fantastic officiating job Steve Harrison did during my match last week? Harrison did his job in the ring, called it clean, and I took care of Jiles man to man. If the referee gets heat fer officiatin’ a clean match, thats a damn shame. He made sure both of his friends played by the rules, and we had a good, clean, wrasslin’ match in that ring.

Blaire Moise: Speaking of your brothers Clay, you have another encounter with a member of The Best Alliance in a few weeks at Bottomline. You’ll be taking on John Sektor and Teddy Palmer for the LSD Championship.

The grin returns to Clay’s face as he takes his hat off to brush his hair back out of his eyes.

Clay Byrd: Listen sweetie, what I’m goin’ ta do ta Teddy Palmer at Bottomline ain’t gonna be fit for pay per view. Lee better have the EPU on red alert, ‘cause when Sek starts stretchin’ that boy and I blast him with a lariat there might end up bein’ criminal charges.

Blaire looks a bit irritated that Clay dodged the question about competing against Sektor, and doubles back.

Blaire Moise: But what about John Sektor? He had some words for the entire Alliance last week?

The Monster from Plainview gets to his feet, causing Blaire to once again step back. Clay takes three steps forward, almost getting on top of the microphone. A shadow appears behind Blaire just as Clay goes to answer the question. His steely gaze makes contact, and he stops staring into the camera. A small smirk comes across his face.

Clay Byrd: John can say whatever he wants while he’s on a vacation provided by Lee. He’s in his rights ta do as he pleases, I’d be givin’ Sek a bit of shit if I was on a beach in the carribean while Jiles and I are forced ta beat the fuck out of each other. That’s all well and good Blaire… cause Ted Palmer ain’t got a clue what he’s in for at Bottomline.

The camera pans to reveal The Gold Standard making his way through the cameramen and Blaire Moise.

John Sektor: Time to pack it up hermano, we gotta go. Boss needs us for a meeting.

Clay nods.

Clay Byrd: But Sek, we were just gettin’ ta the good part.

John Sektor: Save it big guy, we’ll have plenty of time to talk later. Let’s go.

Clay shrugs to the camera, tipping his hat. As he and Sektor cross the threshold of the door, Clay takes a quick step back at Blaire, sending her scampering backwards. The Behemoth starts to laugh as he and Sektor walk off down the hallway.

John Sektor: After this meeting with Lee, you and I have some business to attend to.

Clay Byrd: Oh, we can attend ta some business of our own, fer sure partner.

The scene fades as we cut away to another part of the arena.

The camera cuts to the hallway outside of Eli Dresden’s locker room. Eli is still dressed to compete after her match with Xander Azula, skin gleaming in sweat. Having retrieved her phone from a PA, she’s clearly in the middle of a phone conversation–and it doesn’t take long to figure out just who she’s talking to.

Dresden: Of course I’m not gonna sign up for Scientology Lite. It’s gonna take more than some delusional asshole to make me believe in a god.

Dresden chuckles at whatever is said in response, a mischievous grin tugging at her lips.

Dresden: Hey, me sayin’ God durin’ sex doesn’t mean I believe in the pretend-y man in the sky, Maddie. It just mea–

Out of nowhere, Eli is cut off mid-sentence by Jace Parker Davidson careening into the shot, slamming Dresden into the wall with a stiff big boot! The crowd can be heard faintly booing in the background as Eli drops to the floor, putting her in prime position to eat more vicious kicks from the reigning HOTV Champion. Those kicks go on for an uncomfortable amount of time before Jace notices the phone next to Eli’s limp hand… and, more notably, the name still displayed on the screen.

Maddie.

A scoff and Jace picks it up, bringing it to his ear.

JPD: What did I tell you, Madison? I told you that I’d force the issue if you didn’t choose. And since you can’t just show a little maturity and side with your client… Eli’s paid the price.

Looking down at the barely-stirring Eli, Jace aims a vicious kick at the side of her head that knocks her out cold.

JPD: Block the Replacement Pussy’s number on your phone or next time, her career will be on your hands. Got it?

JPD hangs up the phone and drops it next to the downed Dresden’s head before striding out of the frame, the camera lingering on the unconscious features of Eli for a moment before to our next commercial break.

We back from commercial to see Bobby Dean standing in the ring. Then the Fedex Forum in Memphis, Tennessee explodes.

“Bloody Tears (Epic Version)” from Castlevania II begins. A purple mist floods the entrance way as “The Vintage” Conor Fuse emerges from behind the apron 23-seconds into the theme. He stands at the top of the rampway, head down, sporting a dark purple jacket with its high-collar raised. The jacket is open, showing his vintage SNES tights as he slowly raises his head. The fog continues to pump from the stage as Fuse methodically makes his way down the ramp. The crowd starts a “!rank” chant, pointing in Conor’s direction as he marches towards ringside. Once in front of the squared circle, The Vintage leaps onto the apron and then with ease clears the ropes by jumping over them and somersaulting into the middle of the ring. Fuse tilts his head back and zen cries into the rafters while the fans in attendance continue to cheer him on. Conor removes his trench coat, revealing his trademarked light purple arm sleeve on his left arm. Fuse waits in his corner.

Benny Newell: Dear Lee, why do we have to watch this match?

Joe Hoffman: The last member of the roster to beat SRK in a wrestling match versus his arch nemesis Conor Fuse! This is going to be exhilarating.

Benny Newell: I’m sure Bobby Dean has had more exhilarating experiences at Golden Corral’s than I’ll have watching this fucking match. Can production get me a second bottle out here? Maybe a third by the time I’m done with this shit.

The match starts off with a quick handshake between the two men after the bell rings.

Benny Newell: That was disgusting. DRINK!

Joe Hoffman: Looks like I’m in for a long night here.

Bobby and Conor lock up with a traditional collar and elbow tie up. Bobby Dean clearly gets the better of the tie up and pushes Conor Fuse back into one of the corners. Matt Boetcher steps in and breaks the two men up. Both men, without a semblance of angst or anger back away to the opposite corners.

Joe Hoffman: This might be the first clean break up in High Octane history.

Benny Newell: I was serious about the extra bottles.

Conor and Bobby are right back at it, with another collar and elbow tie up. The two men push each other around the ring, and finally, Bobby Dean has worn himself out. He quickly transitions into a hammer lock to grab a breath of air.

Joe Hoffman: Great technical wrestling by Bobby Dean there!

Benny Newell: Is something happening in the ring? Oh look, Bobby’s gassed after twenty seven seconds and the Fuse kid won’t finish the fat man off.

Bobby is sucking wind, leaning on Conor’s back. He manages to dance away from a reversal attempt, out of sheer desperation and the need for good, clean, oxygen. Conor finally manages to drop to his knees and trip Bobby over onto his face with a drop toe hold reversal. The Vintage grabs a rear chin lock and begins to wrench on Bobby’s neck.

Joe Hoffman: Terrific sportsmanship on display from the two men in the ring, great transitions.

Benny Newell: This is it for me, someone send Bare out with the marching powder. I need something to keep me awake.

Bobby, seems to be enjoying the chinlock attempt as it gives him more time to continue to suck wind. Conor keeps wrenching back, and Bobby, finally being made uncomfortable decides to get to his feet. Conor, keeps a hold of his head, and uses it to irish whip The Beautiful One, into the ropes. Conor, runs and bounces off the opposite set. Fuse comes back across the ring to find Bobby having stopped at the other rope and leaning on it.

Benny Newell: Kneesus Christ, I think Bobby Dean is finally having the big one in the ring.

Joe Hoffman: And here comes Fuse with a head full of steam!

Bobby falls on his ass, but manages to pull the top rope down as Conor Fuse leaves his feet looking for a cross body. Conor sails over, and directly out to the arena floor. Bobby, looks shocked in the ring as Conor gets to his feet slowly. Bobby having exerted a ton of effort getting to his feet, clearly thinks about doing some crazy move through the ropes, but after a second thought has decided that leaning in the corner and getting his wind back is clearly more important.

Benny Newell: Please, for the love of all that is holy get me another bottle.

Joe Hoffman: What terrific sportsmanship being shown by Bobby Dean! And what a counter to that cross body! Conor Fuse looks genuinely perplexed as to how it happened.

Benny Newell: Bobby Dean is an actual moron Hoffman. Sometimes, morons do moronic things to other morons and they just happen to work.

…6!

…7!

As Boetcher’s count reaches seven Conor Fuse jumps up onto the apron to step into the ring. Bobby, realizing his newfound advantageous predicament briskly walks over and throws a right hand into the side of Conor’s head trying to knock him off the apron. Conor falls back on his back and Bobby Dean is stunned.

…8!

Bobby Dean turns around holding his hands up in celebration. He has now defeated Conor Fuse and Sutler Reynolds-Kael! Both men in the world title match at Bottomline!

…9!

Joe Hoffman: And Conor Fuse rolls in through the bottom rope! Just in the nick of time!

Benny Newell: Dammit… I thought Lee had answered my prayers.

Bobby, runs over to Boetcher insisting that Boetcher raises his arm. Completely oblivious to Conor Fuse climbing to his feet across the ring. Boetcher points to Fuse over and over again and yelling at Bobby. Finally, Boetcher throws his hands into the air fed up with Bobby. Conor Fuse comes across the ring and drop kicks Bobby in the knee.

Benny Newell: AHAHAH! That fat fucking dope! Thought he had it won, then the Fuse kid kicked him in the knee! HAHAH!

Joe Hoffman: Bobby Dean is absolutely stunned in the ring holding onto his knee from that low dropkick from Conor Fuse.

Conor sprints over to the far ropes, and comes back drilling Bobby with a low drop kick. This time directly into his mouth. Bobby hits the canvas with a thud and Conor is quick to not let his advantage slip away pulls a very unwilling Bobby Dean to his feet. Fuse plants him back to the canvas with a tilt-a-whirl DDT!

Joe Hoffman: Incredible offense from our number one contender! He’s making a statement of Bobby Dean here!

Benny Newell: Woo boy, he sure pwned him… what the fuck did I even say there?

Conor runs up the turnbuckle, leaps off and smashes Bobby Dean with his Super Splash 450! Boetcher runs over for the count as Conor hooks the leg.

Boetcher: One!

Boetcher: Two!

Boetcher: Three!

Ding Ding

Joe Hoffman: What a showcase for Conor Fuse! Hopefully Bobby Dean taught him the ways of his uniquely creative offense to get the better of Sutler Reynolds-Kael!

Benny Newell: Sutler’s gonna kill this video game nerd. Murder him!

Joe Hoffman: You do know that Sutler is on Lee’s naughty list….right??

Benny just looks at Joe awkwardly as he takes another drink as we cut away.

We find ourselves backstage, more notably at an elevator inside the underground parking lot. The door opens, and fans and other civilians are shoved out of the way as an angry Xander Azula and his Eternal Circle compatriots hightail it with a clear purpose in mind…for word has gotten to the head disciple of Chaos that a horrible deed has been done on this night.

Still in his wrestling attire after his match with Eli Dresden, Xander is in no mood to converse with anyone until he confronts his target…who is nowhere to be seen as the Circle approach the van we saw earlier in the night, seemingly empty until we hear some muttering from inside. The source of the noise is soon revealed as Anton the Fourth steps out, zipping up his fly as he steps out of the van.

ANTON: Zippy Assfinger, I have something for you!

Anton walks over to the driver seat, opening the door to grab something from the console. He shuts the door and turns around, only to find himself surrounded by the Eternal Circle. With a look of worry he hands Xander a slip of paper, and the disciple opens it to reveal a receipt.

ANTON: Mister Starr, the Starrcelona Icon himself, hast informed me that you owe him for dry cleaning related to the horrid mess you made two weeks ago. As the Liaison of Health and Nutrition, he expects you to comply and to respect his authority as assigned by himself with the blessing of the GOD of HOW, Lee B–

Xander holds up a hand to silence him, refusing to hear another word.

XANDER AZULA: A bill, huh? After what your employer did? That’s rich. Here, let me pay this in kind. Vagn, hand me my…method of payment.

The tall, rotund Vagn Dahl steps into frame with a pen and…a staple gun. The worry on Anton’s face is now mixed with confusion and a dash of fear as Dahl hands over the staple gun to Xander, whose snarl has turned into a smirk. Before Anton can react, he is sent reeling to the side of the van with a hard punch by another of Xander’s associates.

The head disciple steps up, slapping the receipt upon Anton’s chest…and raises the staple gun, piercing through Anton’s shirt with a staple! Anton lets out a loud scream as we notice the placement of the staple in the upper left corner of the receipt…but Xander isn’t through. He punches another staple into the chest, crossing the other one to form a metallic X.

ANTON: You VILLAIN! What are you doing!?

Xander’s smirk turns into a sadistic grin.

XANDER AZULA: Sending a message to your so-called Liaison of Health and Nutrition, a correction on his critical error. Clearly, he…and you…need to know what my name actually is.

Anton’s eyes open in horror as Xander is handed the pen now, and he quickly scribbles some handwriting on the receipt. Seconds later, Xander steps back to admire his handiwork…between the staples and the writing, we see ‘XANDER AZULA’ across the receipt.

XANDER AZULA: Tell your boss that if he wants to ruin that which the Circle holds most dear, I will be more than happy to ruin HIM…and that’s the bottom line.

Xander chuckles at his silly little pun as the group walks away, leaving us with a terrified Anton as the scene ends.

We cut back to the excited Fedex Forum crowd as the camera pans over the roaring fans. The lights suddenly cut out as “Believer” by Solance roars out over the sound system. The cheering fans immediately turn to boos as one of the most hated men in High Octane Wrestling steps out onto the stage under a pillar of pure white light. Though he has his ring gear on he is also wearing a striped referee street on with the #97red World Championship strapped around his waist.

He stands on the stage, his arms lifted in the air as white silvery pyro explodes from the stage giving him a sense of grandiose purity, something the fans immediately reject. Surprisingly this week he is unaccompanied by any Family Members, coming out on his own.

Swaggering down toward the ring he wears a cocky smirk slapped across his youthful face. The fans continue to pour their dislike of the Son of Scions down upon his head, their collective jeering and boos nearly drowning out his music. Reaching the ring, Sutler climbs the steps and slips through the ropes, moving to the center of the ring where he motions for a microphone from Bryan McVay.

The lights rise as Sutler taps on the mic to test it though it is barely audible as a “Sut-Sut Sucks” chant begins to rise.

SRK: Hello Memphis! It’s your High Octane WOOOO..

As Sutler attempts to speak more chanting and more boos begin to drown him out. With a sneer Sutler lowers the microphone and glares out over the crowd.

SRK: I said MEMPHIS! It’s your HIGH OCTANE WOOOOOORLD CHAM-

“You Suck!” chants transition over and once again drowns out Sutler as he attempts to speak causing his face to flash red.

SRK: Ole Miss fans are way more respectable! No wonder they’ve got the winning record over you twerps!

The chants immediately vanish as angry boos rain down on Sutler who smirks, happy to have hurt the local crowd. This is soon replaced with “Go Tigers” chants as Sutler rolls his eyes noticeable.

SRK: I AM YOUR HIGH OCTANE WORLD CHAMPION!

Ripping the title of his waist the Son of Scions lifts it high into the air cutting off any further chants as he is greeted much the way you’d expect the petulant young man to be. Random garbage is flung toward the ring as Sutler stalks around it with a sneer on his lips.

SRK: And today I’m proving why I’m the Number One ranked wrestler in High Octane Wrestling, why I’m the number one employee in High Octane Wrestling and the Hardest Working Man in Professional Wrestling today! Not only am I providing my Hall of Fame worthy Refereeing skills to this program but I’ll be main event against Darin “Oppsie” Zion where I will retain after THREE WEEKS IN A ROW of defending this #97Red World Title! ME! THE SRK!

His shouting seems to finally overcome the fans as he rants loudly spitting all over the ring as he does so.

SRK: And then, on August 27th in Chicago at Bottomline I’m going to END the latest playthrough of the World’s lamest gamer, Conor Fuse when I b-

“Conor Fuse” chants immediately begin cutting the World Champion off which only further infuriates Sutler.

SRK: I said, I am going to END any hopes Conor Fuse has for taking this World Championship Belt from around my waist because I’m the SON OF SCIONS, I am born and bred to hold this title without ANYONES help. Without the Best Alliance, without Lee Best, without needing pathetic loser friends like Teddy Palmer and Darin Zion. I am an APEX PREDATOR; I am a LEGEND in my FIRST YEAR in High Octane Wrestling! APPRECIATE ME!

Holding his arms out Sutler lifts his head apparently expecting cheers but is once again only greeted by a hostile crowd.

SRK: Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to go give Benny a bunch of alcohol I stole my from hotel room and a designer drug that I’m honestly not sure what is. Your HIGH OCTANE WORLD CHAMPION..SUUUUUUUUUUUTLER! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOooOOOOoOUT!

Tossing the mic back to Bryan McVay, Sutler slips out of the ring and tosses Benny a baggie before dumping a bunch of tiny shooters of various forms of alcohol.

Joe Hoffman: Well not the most warmest of receptions for the World Champion here in Memphis but Sutler did make some great points….he is still SOOO young and you have to wonder just how bright his future is.

Benny Newell:  Look…….ah fuck it. Nevermind.

Joe, for the first time in a long time, is taken off his game and is not sure what to say next. The feed stays on the two Hall of Fame announcers as Joe tries to regain his composure as Benny just sips on his drink….clearly frustrated.

Suddenly, and thankfully, “Undead” by Hollywood Undead roars to life over the arena’s sound system. The stage lights up as a large number of EPU guards appear before being flanked by Cancer Jiles, John Sektor and Clay Byrd. As the group make their way to the ring a final figure appears on the stage. Steve Solex, his hands and ankles in chains and a metal collar around his neck. Two guards with long poles are hooked to the collar allowing them to control Solex from a distance.

Bryan McVay: The following is a TV Championship Title Match and will be a LUMBERJACK MATCH…

The Best Alliance and the EPU surround the ring while Sutler stays as close to the center of the squared circle as he possibly can, almost standing on top of Bryan McVay.

Bryan McVay: Introducing first the challenger.. From Fairfax, Virginia.. He stands at 6’4’’ and weighs in at 245 lbs..

“Take the Money and Run,” By The Steve Miller Bands begins to play marking the arrival of the challenger for the TV Championship.

Bryan McVay: The Miracle Man, STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE HAAAAAAARRRRRRISON!

The Miracle Man, Steve Harrison walks out with a large brace on his right knee. He stops and kicks his leg out to make sure it feels ok. He shrugs and begins to slowly walk towards the ring, carefully favoring his right leg.

The crowd gives him a mixed reaction which is a new occurrence. Steve just nods at some fans who are clapping for him and smiles at those who are still booing him. He gets down to the ring and gingerly steps over the ropes and begins stretching as he attempts to loosen up and get ready for the big match up.

He looks up at the sold-out crowd as they still make noise, and he lifts his arms to the air while standing in the middle of the ring. Sutler immediately directs him toward his corner, patting him down for any weapons.

The lights in the arena dim as the HOV begins to light up. The words “The King has Returned.” echo throughout the building. The crowd murmurs quietly as smoke begins to build on stage. “The sound of Kingdom” by Jaxson Gamble begins to blare as a spotlight shines on stage.

Bryan McVay: Hailing from Miami, Florida and accompanied to the ring by Madison.. He stands at 6’4’’ and weighs 253 lbs…

Jace Parker Davidson with Madison by his side appears through the smoke to a mixed reaction from the crowd.

Bryan McVay: Your High Octane Wrestling Television Champion.. The KING of EVERYTHING…JACE PARKER DAAAAAAAAAAAAVIDSON!

Jace looks out at the audience and soaks in the reception before locking arms with Madison. The two make their way down the ramp slowly as fans reach over the barricade trying to touch the duo. Madison reaches the ringside area however Sutler is immediately barking at her, pointing back toward the stage. There is some pushback from Jace and Madison but eventually Madison retreats back.

Joe Hoffman: Well you heard it folks. This is now a Lumberjack match and the lumberjacks are The Best Alliance and the EPU…..wait…..whats going on in the ring?? Looks like Sutler is throwing Madison out of this match!

Benny Newell: NO! WHY!? She was going to sit next to me!

The sound of Benny snorting something can be heard.

Joe Hoffman: Benny you have no idea what that will do!

Benny Newell: YES! It’s probably best she goes back there, Hoffman, for her safety.

Jace slides into the ring locking eyes with Sutler as he pushes past him, moving toward the nearby corner. As he ascends, he lifts the TV Championship into the air, posing for the crowd who again offer a mixed but enthusiastic reaction.

Harrison doesn’t wait for the bell and charges forward smashing his fists into Jace’s back surprising the Champion. The Miracle Man keeps the attack up, grabbing Jace’s legs and dumping him over the top rope in a heap on the outside. Steve is rewarded for his efforts by a chorus of boos from the crowd.

SRK: Hey guys!

Joe Hoffman: You’re the referee, Sutler, Harrison just attacked Davidson and you’re over here?! Do your job!

SRK: The match hasn’t started yet, Joseph, what am I going to do? Admonish Harrison for being a go-getter?

Sektor stands over Jace before looking up at Harrison. The Miracle Man reaches into his tights and pulls out a twenty, offering to Sektor while asking him to attack Jace. The Gold Standard laughs the offer off, helping Jace up before rolling him back into the ring. The challenger leaps toward Jace looking to drop a knee however the champion is quick to roll away and back up to his feet.

DING – DING – DING

Joe Hoffman: Now the match has started, will you get in there?!

SRK: Mmm.. I guess somebody should get over in this match.

Sutler abandons the commentary position, meekly tip-toeing past Clay Byrd who literally glares flaming hot dangers at the World Champion.

Back in the ring Harrison charges Jace, swinging his arm out in wide lariat. JPD smoothly slides beneath the arm before kicking the back of Steve’s right knee out from under him. Harrison crashes to the ground clutching his knee while JPD hammers down on his opponent with several stomps to the head. The Champion grabs Harrison’s damaged leg and drags him into the center of the ring. He drops an elbow across Steve’s knee, torquing it aggressively. Sutler checks to see if Harrison taps but the Miracle Man waves him away.

Joe Hoffman: Jace being smart focusing on the damaged knee of Harrison.

Benny Newell: He’s the King of EVERYTHING, Hoffman, of course he’s smart! You know how many degrees you have to have to be a King?!

Climbing back up to his feet Jace continues to work over Harrison’s leg keeping him away from the ropes and any potential help. Finally, content with the damage he had done, Jace pulls Harrison to his feet before pulling him into a ripcord clothesline. The Miracle Man crashes to the ground as Jace hooks the leg.

One.

Two..

Kickout!

Harrison is quick to roll his shoulder up before immediately scrambling away from Jace, curling around the bottom rope as the fans boo and laugh. JPD looks annoyed but stays focused, throwing himself into the ropes opposite Harrison before knocking him free of the ropes. Harrison’s body flies into two EPU Guards and Cancer Jiles who manage to catch him.

Joe Hoffman: The Lumberjacks saved Harrison there from a nasty fall.

Benny Newell: The Best Alliance is a family, Hoffman, a family of winners! They don’t hurt each other though that asshole stole my whiskey so, personally, fuck him.

All three men lift Harrison up, propping him back up into the edge of the ring as he thanks them. Unfortunately, Jace is waiting for him as a right-hand catches Harrison across the jaw. In reply Steve jabs a thumb in JPD’s eye forcing Jace to fall back clutching his face.

Joe Hoffman: A thumb to the eye and Sutler isn’t even warning Harrison!

Benny Newell: Sutler is a GENIUS referee, if he thought it were unfair, he’d say something! You know on his official moves list it actually has the eye poke as one of his moves, that makes it official and fair!

Joe Hoffman: I don’t think that’s how that works at ALL, Benny.

Reentering the ring Harrison sneaks up behind Jace hooking him into a Belly to Back suplex, lifting Jace up however the agile champion is able break free and flip out of it, landing on his feet. Harrison quickly spins around and catches Jace with a hard clothesline that sends him down hard.

Joe Hoffman: Harrison bringing the lumber with that clothesline!

Benny Newell: What the fuck does bringing the lumber even mean!? DRIIIINK!

Steve points at his head as he informs everybody how smart he is while getting a polite golf clap from Sutler. Unfortunately, it leaves him open as Jace rolls back up to his feet and sneaks behind Harrison. Hooking his arms around the surprised Miracle Man’s face, Jace executes a picture-perfect release German Suplex. Jace kips backup to his feet only to find that Harrison has also rolled back up to his feet.

Joe Hoffman: A beautiful counter by the TV Champion!

Benny Newell: You’re talking about one of the most dominant champions in the HISTORY of HOW, of course it was beautiful!

Joe Hoffman: As some of our fans may or may not know, JPD was sidelines for several years with a severe neck injury so if Harrison wants to find a path to the TV Championship, targeting that neck might not be a terrible idea.

Benny Newell: Shut up, Hoffman, don’t give him any advice!

Harrison lifts Jace up and this time the Champion is unable to wriggle free, crashing down on his shoulders, neck and head. Harrison maintains waist control as Sutler moves into position for the pinfall.

One..

Two…

Kickout!

Though clearly in pain the TV Champion easily kicks out before the three count. Harrison is quickly back on the offensive though, zeroing in on that neck. He reigns down elbows on the champion’s neck and shoulders before applying a nerve pinch in the center of the ring. He demands that Sutler check to see if Jace is willing to surrender. He checks with about as much enthusiasm as a High School abstinence assembly. Jace does not tap.

Joe Hoffman: Harrison smells blood in the water and he’s zeroing in on that old injury.

Benny Newell: Fight out of it Jace! Fuck this asshole! DRINK!

After a few moments Harrison drags Jace to the ropes and tosses him over the side as the King of Everything rolls to the feet of Clay Byrd. The Big Texan helps Jace get up to his before clobbering him with a massive right fist that sends JPD down hard on the outside. Grabbing him up by his hair, the Monster rolls Jace back into the ring.

Joe Hoffman: Clay with a huge clothesline on Jace! Trouble in the Best Alliance, Benny?>

Benny Newell: NO! What are you doing Clay!? Family! FAMILY!

Harrison drags Jace away from the ropes before hooking his leg.

One..

Two..

Kickout!

The TV Champion throws his shoulder up breaking the three count. Harrison looks annoyed and begins to complain about the count only for Sutler to point at the World Championship around his waist, as if that was some argument ender. Harrison rolls his eyes and returns his attention to Jace only to catch a stiff kick across his face from the grounded champion..

Joe Hoffman: Jace is able to fire off offensive kicks like that while grounded, incredible!

Benny Newell: KING OF EVERYTHING, HOFFMAN!

The stunned Harrison then catches another kick to his right leg, buckling him and causing him to drop to one knee. Jace picks himself up before sending a knee directly into the face of Harrison. It’s enough to lay the challenger out as Jace climbs the nearby turnbuckle. Double foot stomp to Harrison’s midsection! Another pinfall attempt by Jace!

ONE!

TWO!

THR-Kickout!

At the last moment Harrison is able to throw his arm up, the crowd letting out a collective “OOOH!”. JPD drags Harrison to the center of the ring and positions him for the Bend the Knee..

With surprising speed as Jace goes to stomp the back of Harrison’s head the cagey Miracle Man spins out of the way. Caught off guard, JPD is drilled with a brutal Dragon Suplex, bridging into a pinfall attempt!

ONE!

TWO!

Kickout!

Benny Newell: Don’t break his neck, Harrison, you dumb fuck! The Best Alliance needs him!

Joe Hoffman: Harrison looks like he’s here to win, Benny, not give a shit about the welfare of his opponent. Isn’t that the Best Alliance whole purpose?

Benny Newell: Shut up, Hoffman, reason has nothing to do with this! Fuck.. DRINK!

Jace once again is able to kick out though he immediately covers up his head and neck, rolling toward the ropes. Harrison is looking worse for wear as he uses the ropes to pull himself up, kicking out his right leg as he limps toward the Champion. Grabbing a handful of hair, Harrison pulls Jace away from the ropes and toward the center of the ring. He points at Benny and says something to Sutler who also looks toward Benny.

Benny Newell: No, no, I still have like.. Six! But I plan on finishing them before the match!

Joe Hoffman: Stop distracting the referee, Benny!

LOW BLOW!

Benny Newell: Shit! SHIT! SUTLER! THAT ASSHOLE JUST LOW BLOWED JACE!

With the referee distracted Harrison shamelessly drives the back of his knee into Jace’s nether regions. Jace crumbles to the ground holding both his neck and his groin as the fans boo. Harrison lifts his arms into the air and soaks it in. Dragging Jace up to his feet, the Miracle Man calls for the Harricle. He hooks in the Crossface Chicken wing and Suplex’s Jace!

The Champion flips out once again, landing on his feet. Sutler is still chatting with Benny and so the Champion spins Harrison around, kicking him straight in the balls! Pulling a cup out of his tights, Jace flips off a shocked Steve Harison before nailing him with Unscripted Violence!

Benny Newell: Stop talking to me! Look behind you! LOOK!

Sutler turns to see Jace covering Harrison.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!!

As the bell rings, Jace rolls off Harrison while clutching his own neck with a pained expression. Sutler collects the TV Championship and hand drops it next to Jace before slithering back out of the ring, quickly scampering to hide with Joe and Benny.

WINNER: JACE PARKER DAVIDSON IN 17 MINUTES AND 4 SECONDS

The rest of the Best Alliance slip into the ring as the EPU escort Steve Solex back up the ramp. They circle the downed Harrison, all of them with a grim expression on their faces. JPD is able to get back up to his feet and hold up the World Title before he also looks in the direction of Harrison.

SRK: Hi boys! Doesn’t look very welcoming in the ring right now so I figured I’d hang out with you guys now that my referee duties are done!

Joe Hoffman: What’s happening in the ring right now? Is Harrison about to get kicked out?

Benny Newell: Oh, fuck I hope so!

Suddenly, and without warning, Clay Byrd blindsides Cancer Jiles taking him completely off his feet! John Sektor attacks half a second later, the two of them kicking at the back and head of Jiles. Jace helps rouse Harrison, pulling him back up to his feet as they watch Sektor and Clay continue to beat the ever-loving fuck out of Jiles.

SRK: Ooooh shit, I guess Jiles done fucked up one too many times huh, gents?

Joe Hoffman: Clay and Sektor savagely attacking Jiles who never had a chance! This is disgusting!

Benny Newell: Oh thank fuck I can go back to hating Cancer Jiles! You had this coming! You should have been better! At least now we have a REAL Champion.

SRK: Oh thank you, Benny! That means a lot.

Joe Hoffman: You’re both terrible!

Clay drags the former World Champion up to his feet and shoves him toward Jace. The TV Champion reacts on pure instinct, charging forward as he smashes the TV Title across the Cool One’s face turning him inside out.

Joe Hoffman: A defenseless Cancer Jiles was just washed out with that TV Championship! The man can’t defend himself; this is enough!

SRK: Yell that louder, they can’t hear you, Joe.

Benny Newell: Bye-bye Jiles! DRRIIIINK!

Harrison, having finally recovered enough to participate, drags Jiles up to his feet and throws him at Sektor who uses the LSD Title as a weapon, following Jace’s example as he smashes it across Jile’s face. The former Bandit and Best Alliance memnber crumbles in the center of the ring as the fans boo, his face bloodied.

SRK: Folks, don’t go anywhere, I’m in the next match! Sutler Reynolds-Kael, HOW World Champion!

Joe Hoffman: Somebody get out here and get these animals out of the ring!

Benny Newell: DRIIIIIINK!

The Best Alliance stand in the center of the ring, posing though it is clear that Clay and Jace are giving each other the hairy eye as we cut to commercial.

We cut from commercial with The Best Alliance walking down the hallway laughing. As Jace and Harrison turn down a corridor, Clay goes to follow but is pulled back by Sektor. Letting the other two men walk away.

John Sektor: We’ll catch up!

Sektor and Clay pivot down the other corridor of the arena. The camera crew in tow behind them.

Clay Byrd: Where we headed Sek?

John Sektor: Wherever the fuck I say were going.

Clay, briefly looks taken back standing behind Sektor. His eyes slightly wide, the ‘who the fuck do you think you are’ look was plain as day across his face.

John Sektor: Why’d you clothesline Jace?

Clay Byrd: Figured it’d even things up a bit. We’d already fucked Harrison over once throwing him at Jace.

The two kept talking as they round a corner, and arrive at what they were apparently looking for. A locker room, with blaring music sits in front of them. The two men take a quick peak in through the cracked door at the surroundings.

John Sektor: So what we’re gonna do, you’re gonna go in and smash Teddy. Keep him on the ground. I’m gonna slap one of his friends in the mouth, then I’m gonna beat him half to death with the belt, just like I did to Jiles.

Clay smiles at Sektor and laughs for a second before rubbing his hands together.

Clay Byrd: So you want me to help you soften up Teddy Palmer?

John Sektor: Yeah hermano, what the fuck did you think we were doing? Coming back here to do lines of blow with Bare? Let’s go.

As Sektor goes to swing the locker room door open a behemoth sized hand meets him in the chest pulling him back out of the doorway. The camera sneaks a quick look, as Teddy Palmer is passed out up against a locker, with girls dancing around him to the music.

Clay Byrd: I don’t think so Sek.

John Sektor: What the fuck do you mean I don’t think so? You fucking listen to me! We’re gonna go in there and beat the fuck out of him.

Clay begins to chuckle in The Gold Standards face, shaking his head.

John Sektor: What the fuck are you laughing about you son of a…

Before Sektor can blink The Monster from Plainview is nose to nose with John Sektor. Blue eyes to brown eyes, locked in place. The brim of Clay’s hat, brushing up against Sektor’s hair.

Clay Byrd: Listen Sek, that fuckin’ party, the fuckin’ booze in there? That’s exactly where we want Teddy Palmer ta fuckin’ be. Ain’t no need for a wakeup call, ain’t no need fer a come to Jesus moment. We want that addict fuckbag right there.

Sektor takes a moment to step away from Clay and evaluate the situation in the narrow hallway.

John Sektor: When this goes to shit Clay it’s on you.

Clay Byrd: That’s fine, it’s all on my shoulders. Ted’s always been my problem.

As Sektor goes to walk down the hallway, Clay stops him in his tracks with his hand again. Sektor throws it off his chest this time, spinning around.

Clay Byrd: And if you ever think I’m yer little errand bitch again hermano, I’ll fuckin’ kill you.

John Sektor: So that’s how you want it?

Clay Byrd: Abso-fuckin-lutely.

The two Best Alliance members stare each other down as we cut elsewhere.

The scene cuts to the parking garage of the arena where we see the EPU tossing Steve Solex into the back of a armored vehicle….his ride to the airport where he will catch a flight back to his home away from home….Alcatraz Prison.

DUNG! DUNG! DUNG! DUNG!

The scene then quickly cuts inside the armored car where Steve Solex is shown sitting, wrists and ankles handcuffed, with someone sitting across from him..  The manic smile, the bugged out eyes, and the sloppy hairdo indicate that Solex is severely stressed…or confused.

 Steve Solex:  Let me out of here you prick!

His shouts echo throughout the back of the armored car.  Standing directly across from Solex, twirling a nightstick in his right hand is the Warden of Alcatraz himself, the 4th Wahl.  He doesn’t say a word. Instead he just smirks.

Steve Solex:  We’ll get out of here when we want to!  You’ll fuckin’ see! And when HE gets here, when HE finally arrives. Right now we are three.  When he arrives, we will be four!  He will be the one to set us free. It will be us versus you. It will be four against one.  And we will be free again!

Solex trashes his head and body around, only being held up by the firm grasp of his restraints. Suddenly, he stops.  His hair hangs down over his face in strands as he pulls his face back in between two bars.

Steve Solex:  You’ll see!  You’ll all fuckin’ see!

The shot cuts to an aerial view as the armored car begins to move. Solex laughs like a psychopath while the 4th Wahl just sits in front of Solex twirling the nightstick, doing his job…exactly as he was told.  The scene fades as the shot begins to zoom out even further as the armored car heads deep into the Memphis night.

Back live we see Sutler Reynolds-Kael already in the ring missing his referee shirt and the Hall of Fame duo ready to call tonight’s Main Event.

Joe Hoffman: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen for tonight’s Main Event of the evening where it was made last week between Darin Zion and Sutler Kael…..and the champion does not even get an entrance. Lee must be listening to Tom Petty again.

Benny Newell: Ugh!

Joe Hoffman: What’s wrong Benny?

Benny Newell: This match Hoffman.

Joe Hoffman: What’s wrong with it?

Benny Newell: What isn’t wrong with it Hoffman? Zion has to be the luckiest fuck in the world to catch GOD in a good mood for him to receive a shot the World title. I mean what’s next? We are going to go to the unemployment line and gift that Texas fuck, Scott Stevens, again? We going to the nearest homeless shelter and going to gift Silent Witness?

Joe Hoffman: Homeless shelter? Witness works for us.

Benny Newell: Does he Hoffman? Does he? Applebees gift cards for everyone! Get my straw bitch!

Joe Hoffman: Apparently my partner is losing the remaining brain cells he has left. Let’s get this match underway.

“Happy Song” by Bring Me The Horizon blasts over the PA System as Darin Zion, who is wearing a black leather jacket, comes down to the ring accompanied by Meredith.

Joe Hoffman: Zion has been on a losing streak since his massive handicap win a few shows back, but he is more than capable than giving Sutler a run for his money and doing what most people say is impossible and that’s win the world title.

Benny Newell: The only thing Zion is capable of is making me soft after I pop some Viagra Hoffman. Fucking drink.

As Zion heads down the ramp he slaps hands with the fans. Zion climbs the turnbuckle and sticks his hands out as we reach the chorus of the song. He flips off the turnbuckle pad and hands the referee his jacket.

Benny Newell: Yes, flippy shit will help you Zion. I hope you didn’t spend too all your welfare money on that jacket.

Zion shakes his head, mentally preparing for his upcoming match as Bryan McVay is about to make the Main Event introductions.

Bryan McVay: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight’s Main Event of the evening is scheduled for ONE FALL!…….

Crowd: ONE FALL!

Bryan McVay: And it’s for the HIGH! OCTANE! WRESTLING! HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOORLD!

The crowd goes berserk in anticipation for the title defense and McVay turns to his left.

Bryan McVay: Introducing first, the challenger, from Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri; weighing in at 220 Pounds; please welcome DAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRIN ZIIIIIIION.

Zion raises both hands high into the air and the fans give Zion a rowdy and receptive applause.

Joe Hoffman: Zion is clearly the fan favorite hear tonight.

Benny Newell: These filth don’t know any better Hoffman.

McVay turns to his right.

Bryan McVay: And his opponent, representing the Best Alliance; from Arkham, MA, weighing in at 195 pounds……he is the President of Human Resources. The Son of Scions. The son of not one, but two HOW Hall of Famers. The youngest War Games winner in HOW History. The youngest champion in HOW history, but most importantly he is the REIGNING! DEFENDING! UNDISPUTED! HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!…….SUTLER! REYNOLDS! KAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEL!

The crowd boos Sutler with no mercy in their tone and the young champion could care less.

Benny Newell: You idiots need to show your fucking champion some respect! That’s a real champion! Who else would be pulling double duty?!?!?!?

Sutler snatches the mic from McVay and drops it before signaling for him to beat it.

Benny Newell: That’s right! Beat it McVay before Sutler gives you your walking papers.

Boettcher holds up the 97 Red championship for all the world to see before he calls for the bell.

Ding. Ding.

Joe Hoffman: And here we go…..

Sutler and Zion come out of their respective corners and meet up in the center of the ring. Sutler and Zion begin to circle one another before locking up. Zion and Sutler begin to jock for position, but none gains ground until Zion shows off some of his power by tossing the champion to the canvas.

Joe Hoffman: Zion showing some strength tossing Sutler to the canvas like that.

Benny Newell: Check that man for steroids!

Sutler hops to his feet and the two lock up once again and Zion powers Sutler towards the nearest turnbuckle and holds him there as Boettcher calls for a break and Zion slowly backs away.

Joe Hoffman: Zion not taking his eyes off of the champion as he backs away.

As Sutler starts to come forward, Zion begins shakes his right arm and begins to spin looking to end it early, but Sutler sees it and ducks in between the ropes.

Sutler Reynolds-Kael: GET HIM BACK!

Boettcher motions for Zion to step away from the corner and the challenger does as he is told.

Joe Hoffman: Zion tried to surprise Sutler with a quick Ban Hammer, but the champion saw it.

Benny Newell: Check that man’s wrist tape! It’s got to be loaded!

Sutler slowly slithers back into the ring and meets Zion back in the center of the ring and as Zion goes to lock up, the champion targets the knee of the former ICON champion with a quick kick to stun Zion and the attack is followed up with a quick dropkick to the knee to drop Zion to all fours.

Joe Hoffman: Sutler targeting the knee to ground Zion for the Sutler Method.

Benny Newell: When he locks it in Hoffman I hope he breaks his arm or crushes his throat.

Sutler uses his speed and agility to jump up and behind Zion and drill him in the back of the end with a kick.

Joe Hoffman: Sutler showing that Six Time Academy training with that kick to the head.

Sutler quickly goes for a cover.

One.

Two.

No.

Zion gets the shoulder up.

Benny Newell: Bitcher with a fucking slow count.

Sutler pulls Zion up and locks in a reverse chinlock. Sutler begins to add some extra pain and suffering as he digs his fingernails into the eyes of Zion.

Joe Hoffman: Come on ref!

Benny Newell: I didn’t see shit!

Boettcher warns Sutler, who warns Boettcher with a pink slip before yelling at him to check Zion if he quits. Boettcher checks and he yells no. Sutler begins to drive his elbows into the neck and shoulder area of Zion, but is able to slip down and quick kick Sutler in the faces staggering the champion.

Joe Hoffman: Sutler is staggered and Zion is up!

Zion charges towards Sutler full speed and drills the champion in the chest with a running dropkick sending the champion spiraling through the ropes and to the floor.

Benny Newell: DQ! DQ!

Zion takes a moment to regain his composure before heading over to where Sutler fell and as he pears through the ropes he gets rocked with an open palm strike before getting hung out to dry by Sutler. Sutler quickly climbs onto the apron and slingshots himself over to drive his elbow into the chest of Zion. Cover.

One.

Two.

Thr…..

NO!

Zion pops the shoulder up.

Sutler begins to stomp away at the body, especially the legs and knees of Zion before picking up the challenger and whipping him towards the ropes and as Zion returns, Sutler slithers like the snake he is and wraps his legs around Zion as he brings him down.

Joe Hoffman: Rolling half Boston crab by Sutler.

Benny Newell: RIP HIS FUCKING LIGAMENTS!

Sutler has Zion in the center of the ring.

Joe Hoffman: Zion is in the middle of the ring with nowhere to go!

Benny Newell: He can go to hell Hoffman!

Zion screams in pain as Sutler wrenches back and yells for Zion to tap.

Joe Hoffman: Zion needs to make it to the ropes.

Benny Newell: No he doesn’t.

Zion yells out in pain as he tries to power out of the submission, but Sutler shifts his weight and sits down more adding more pressure.

Crowd: LET’S GO ZION! LET’S GO ZION!

Benny Newell: Yes! YES! THESE IDIOTS ARE FINALLY GETTING IT! FUCK YOU ZION! FUCK YOU ZION! COME ON HOFFMAN CHEER WITH ME!

Zion screams out in agony as he begins to crawl across the ring to try and reach the ropes.

Joe Hoffman: Zion is inching closer and closer to the ropes.

Crowd: LET’S GO ZION! LET’S GO ZION!

As if breathing life into the challenger Zion is able to reach the ropes, but Sutler doesn’t break the hold.

Benny Newell: FUCK!

Joe Hoffman: Zion reached the ropes, but Sutler is making him pay for it.

Benny Newell: BREAK HIS FUCKING LEG!

Boettcher yells for Sutler to break and the champion refuses and Boettcher begins his count.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Fiiiiiiiv……

Sutler lets go.

Joe Hoffman: That was a long five.

Benny Newell: Sutler knows what he is doing.

Sutler pulls Zion away from the ropes and kicks his knee a few times before going for a figure four. However, Zion as other plans has other plans as he puts foot to ass shoving Sutler off of him. As Sutler turns back to Zion, the former ICON and LSD champion musters enough strength to hop up and deliver a spin kick.

Joe Hoffman: FLASH POINT!

The force of the kick sends the champion spiraling through the ropes once again and to the floor and Zion falls to the mat holding his leg.

Joe Hoffman: Zion just stuck Sutler, but at what cost?

Benny Newell: If he can’t walk it’s priceless. DRINK!

As Zion holds his leg in pain, Boettcher begins to count Sutler out.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Sutler begins to stir.

Six.

Seven.

Sutler is on all fours.

Eight.

Sutler is leaning on the apron.

Nine.

Teeeeeee….

Sutler rolls into the ring.

Joe Hoffman: Sutler makes it in by the skin of his teeth.

Benny Newell: It’s all part of the plan.

Sutler makes his way over to Zion, but the challenger up kicks the champion stunning him long enough for Zion to hop up and grab Sutler by the neck and whipping him back down.

Joe Hoffman: THE ZION EFFECT!

Benny Newell: How about the Drunk Effect? DRINK!

Zion rolls into a cover and hooking a leg.

One.

Two.

Thr…..

NO!

Sutler pops the shoulder up before the count of three.

Joe Hoffman: The Zion Effect almost got the win there.

Benny Newell: Almost don’t mean shit Hoffman.

Zion picks up the champion and whips him into the nearest corner and hobbles over and drills Sutler in the face with a running knee. Zion begins to light up the pale chest of Sutler with knife edge chops.

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Benny Newell: No you idiots! Not wooooooooo! Boooooooooooo! Boo Darin Zion!

Zion rocks Sutler with an European uppercut before sending the champion flying with a monkey flip.

Joe Hoffman: A rarely seen monkey flip in HOW sends the champion to the center of the ring.

Benny Newell: Flippy shit Hoffman.

Zion hobbles over to Sutler and drops a leg across his chest before going for a cover.

One.

Two.

No.

Sutler pops the shoulder up but as he does Zion grabs it and wraps his legs around it and rolls Sutler to his chest and quickly grabs his free arm.

Joe Hoffman: Rings of Saturn is locked in!

Sutler yells out in pain as Boettcher checks him and Sutler has a colorful response to the official.

Benny Newell: Tell that bitch Sutler!

Zion pulls back on the hold.

Joe Hoffman: Zion is going to rip Sutler’s arm out of his socket.

Sutler screams in pain, but the champion feels the shift in Zion’s body weight and is able to push with his legs up and pin Zion’s shoulders to the mat.

One.

Two.

Thr….

NO!

Zion releases the hold.

Benny Newell: FUCK!

Joe Hoffman: Sutler almost retained the championship there.

Sutler lays on the mat holding his shoulder as Zion hobbles over to him, but the champion kicks Zion in the knee bringing the challenger down once again.

Benny Newell: Zion is going to need knee replacement surgery after Sutler is done with him.

Sutler makes it to his feet and reaches down to pick up Zion who hooks him.

Joe Hoffman: SMALL PACKAGE!

Benny Newell: Why you throwing Zion’s personal business out there?

Joe Hoffman: It’s the name of the…nevermind.

One.

Two.

Thre……

NO!

Sutler escapes by the skin of his fucking teeth.

Joe Hoffman: We almost had a new champion crowned there.

Benny Newell: What? Zion bought a replica from HOWShop.com?

Both men are in the center of the ring exchanging blows, and every hit staggers the other more and more. Sutler goes for the homerun shot, but there is no Alex Cora stealing signs to see Zion duck under the punch and grab Zion by his neck.

Joe Hoffman: Neckbreaker!

Zion spins to his feet and springboards off of the middle rope for a senton splash. Cover.

One.

Two.

No!

Sutler kicks out and Zion immediately mounts the champion unleashing a barrage of open handed strikes onto Sutler.

Benny Newell: Get your hands up Sutler!

Sutler does his best to cover up but Zion is getting his licks in.

Joe Hoffman: Zion smells the blood in the water.

Benny Newell: He smells Stevens’ tampon?

Zion delivers one final shot before picking Sutler up and delivering a snap suplex. Zion rolls his hips and delivers another snap suplex. Zion rolls his hips once again and instead of a third snap suplex he delivers a front suplex, but doesn’t let go as he flips over locking in a submission.

Joe Hoffman: Sutler is screaming in agony! That shoulder must be killing him!

Sutler grinds his fingers into the eyes of Zion before raking them causing Zion to break the hold.

Benny Newell: RIP HIS FUCKING EYES OUT!

As Zion is staggered holding his eyes, Sutler hits the ropes and drops Zion with a chop block. Sutler begins to pat his knee.

Joe Hoffman: Sutler looking to drive the point of that knee into Zion’s face.

Sutler builds up a head of steam and as he goes to drive the knee, Zion pops up and throws Sutler up and slams him down.

Joe Hoffman: SKY HIGH POWERBOMB!

Cover.

One.

Two.

Three.

No!

Sutler pops the shoulder up at the last minute.

Joe Hoffman: We almost had a new champion there.

Zion rolls into another cover and hooks the leg.

One.

Two.

Thre….

No!

Sutler kicks out.

Benny Newell: I think I had a heart attack Hoffman.

Zion holds up three fingers and Boettcher reinforces his two call. Zion goes over to pick up Sutler, but the champion kicks the challenger again in the knee to drop Sutler and the expression on Sutler’s face says it all and that he is done fucking around as he grabs Zion.

Joe Hoffman: Sutler has Zion hooked for the SOS.

Sutler spins for the SOS but Zion rotates out of it and as Sutler turns around he gets drilled by an enzuigiri.

Joe Hoffman: ENZUIGIRI! SUTLER IS STAGGERED!

As Sutler staggers forward, Zion musters all of his remaining strength to lift Sutler up onto his shoulders and drape him across his back.

Joe Hoffman: Zion is looking for the Sixth Star. If he hits this it’s over.

Zion looks for some running room, but the snake comes to life as he begins to knee and kick Darin in the head until Zion loosens his grip allowing Sutler to inject his fangs into Zion as he wraps his legs around the throat of Zion.

Benny Newell: TAP BITCH! TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

Zion does his best to fight it, but Sutler pulls back on the arm causing Zion to drop to a knee. Once on the canvas, Sutler rotates Zion onto chest and pulls more on the arm causing his legs to tighten more and more around the throat of Zion and Darin as no choice but to tap.

DING. DING. DING.

Benny Newell: YEEEEEEEEEEEES! FUCK YOU ZION! FUCK YOU ZION!

Bryan McVay: And your winner by submission…… AND STILL! REIGNING! DEFENDING! UNDISPUTED! HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!…….he is the President of Human Resources. The Son of Scions. The son of not one, but two HOW Hall of Famers. The youngest War Games winner in HOW History. The youngest champion in HOW history………SUTLER! REYNOLDS! KAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEL!

Sutler snatches his title from Boettcher as he slithers out of the ring and up the ramp as Darin sits up holding his arm looking dejected.

Joe Hoffman: Zion came close many times to becoming the world champion and the fans are showing their appreciation for his effort.

Benny Newell: These fans are idiots Hoffman.

Zion acknowledges the fans as he slowly gets to his feet. The Memphis crowd cheer loudly for the effort shown by the challenger tonight.

The announcers, even Benny, show restraint as the show comes to a close with Zion taking in the cheers from the appreciative sold out crowd.