Refueled LXII

As the camera cuts back to the ringside area, we go right to the Hall of Fame announce team to begin the show.

Joe Hoffman: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to another edition of Refueled.  We’ve got a stacked card on our hands tonight as we just continue to inch closer and closer to War Games.

Benny Newell: What a fucking story we’ve witnessed week in and week out.  All I can say is no one is stopping the Best Fucking Alliance, especially with only a few weeks out from all out war!

Joe Hoffman: You can definitely tell it’s in the air tonight, Benny!

Benny Newell: As we get closer to War Games, sides are going to be needed to be chosen, and soon!  The way it’s lining up, people are going to have to choose their sides like, fucking TONIGHT!  Otherwise, those less unfortunate souls who decided to play the fucking wing it card are going to be in for a rude awakening and I don’t mean the RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH kind!

“Panama” – Van Halen hits over the PA as Lester makes his way down the ramp.  He isn’t really focused on anything else except for that ring as he gets to the ringside area.

Bryan McVay: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!  Introducing first, from Yonkers, New York, he weighs in at 281 pounds, he is LEEEEEEEESTER MOREGRIMES!!

MoreGrimes enters the ring and keeps his eyes laser focused as he awaits his opponent.

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by AC/DC hits the airwaves as John Sektor makes his way out from the back.  No smiles for the HOW Hall of Famer as he struts down to ringside keeping himself absolutely focused here tonight.

Bryan McVay: And his opponent, from Miami, Florida, he weighs 245 pounds, he is JOOOOOOOOOOOHN SEEEEEEEEEEEEEKTOR!

Sektor keeps his eyes fixed on Moregrimes as referee Matt Boettcher check for weapons.

Joe Hoffman: Tonight could be a crucial win as we get closer and closer to War Games.

Benny Newell: If I got five bucks for every time you’d be saying that tonight, I would actually be able to retire, hoffhole.

Joe Hoffman: You have to look at it as you see it, Benny.  The battle lines are being drawn in the sandbox and these next few weeks will definitely be crucial…especially when it actually comes down to who will be on what side and which match they will be involved with.

Benny Newell: It really doesn’t matter who declares for what party they want to be on, but it’s going to be a matter with history altering implications.

DING DING DING!

Boettcher signals and this match is officially underway.  Moregrimes is the first to hit the scene as he starts floating some closed right fist strikes into the side of Sektor’s jaw.  Moregrimes sends a knee into the solarplex of Sektor before drilling him into the mat.  Moregrimes already goes for a cover.

ONE

TWO

Joe Hoffman: Man, Lester trying to put away Sektor early here tonight.

Benny Newell: Like a few moves is going to be enough to fucking put a guy like Sektor down?!  

Joe Hoffman: You never know in HOW anymore, Benny.  We’ve seen a lot of surprises on our end and you would think we wouldn’t be surprised by them anymore, but we are.

Benny Newell: So if I drank myself into a fucking coma tonight that would be classified as “predictable?”  Good to know, hoffy.

Lester begins hammering and chipping away at Sektor’s face before lifting him up from a hold counter and power slamming Sektor’s back into the canvas.  Moregrimes pulls Sektor back to his feet before hip tossing Sektor towards the corner turnbuckle.

Joe Hoffman: Lester is literally manhandling John here tonight!  I’ve got to say, I’m really not used to seeing this.

Benny Newell: Yes!  Continue shelling out free money to me!  At this rate I’ll be immensely rich and drunk by the ending of the second match……DRINK!

Sektor pulls himself up in the corner as there is no rest, also, as Lester comes running at him.  However, before Sektor moves out of the way, he send a stiff left jab of his own on the right cheek bone of Moregrimes as Sektor finally moves out of the way allowing Lester’s face to go straight into the turnbuckle.  Lester starts to fall back, however, as Sekor grabs a hold of him and connects with a snap suplex in the middle of the ring.  Sektor drops down and goes for a cover.

ONE

TWO

Joe Hoffman: That was some very impressive offensive flurries by Sektor right there.  I mean, both men have literally been trying to keep the momentum on their side tonight.  With War Games right around the corner, I suspect we’ll see a lot.

Benny Newell: Well no fucking shit hofftits.  Sektor has been here before, Moregrimes hasn’t!  I only offer in absolutes.

Sektor continues his explosive offense applied to Moregrimes as he sends a few right kicks into the side of Lester’s head.  Sektor goes for one more shot, but Lester catches his foot.  Lester shakes his head before practically bending Sektor’s body in half, and promptly connecting with a capture front suplex that has Sektor holding his back.  Lester is able to get back to his feet as he whips Sektor into the ropes before coming back at him with a running power clothesline that takes Sektor down once again.  Lester once again goes for a cover.

ONE

TWO

TH-KICKOUT

Joe Hoffman: Lester looking laser focused here tonight and he almost had Sektor right there!

Benny Newell: Key word is ALMOST hofflink. Sektor may be on the rebound stage, but he almost EVERYTIME knows when to stay locked in.

Moregrimes helps pull Sektor back to his feet before Sektor rakes him in the eyes as Boettcher misses it.  Moregrimes releases his grip on Sektor as John starts to throw left and right combo strikes into the face of Lester.  Lester responds in kind, only this time he hits several straight rights as Sektor stumbles backwards.  Sektor uses his own weight against the ropes as he bounces off them and comes straight back at Lester hitting a stiff shoulder tackle that sends Lester down.  As Lester slowly gets back to his feet, Sektor grabs him and connects with a neckbreaker for good measure.  Sektor drops down and covers Moregrimes.

ONE

TWO

THR-

Joe Hoffman: Sektor there with the close call on Lester!  These two have just absolutely been maintaining their offensive prowess against the other and it’s showing!

Benny Newell: I reckon my gut does too from all this chugging I’m doing!  DRINK!!

Both men are now back on their feet as they go back into the well for their offensive firepower, going back and forth connecting with right and left hooks.  Lester sends a stiff knee into the midsection of Sektor that causes him to double over, and as he does, gets another crack at Lester’s eye and again, Boettcher misses this blatantly.  Sektor lifts up Lester and hits a belly to belly suplex that plants Moregrimes in the center of the canvas.  Sektor doesn’t give him a chance to recover as he immediately locks in another move.

Joe Hoffman: SEKTOR STRETCH!!

Benny Newell: OUT OF NOWHERE, TOO!  

Sektor has Moregrimes right where he wants him as Lester is trying to power himself out of the predicament he’s currently in but that’s not looking like a viable option at this point.  Eventually, and after a few moments, Lester has no choice but to tap out!

DING DING DING!

Bryan McVay: Here is your winner in 8 minutes and 40 seconds via submission, JOOOOOOOOOOOOHN SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKTOR!!!

Joe Hoffman: And Sektor gets what I think I’d like to call not only a solid opening show win, but it’s also known momentum to surely follow.

Benny Newell: You know I’m going to be honest and say that I was actually worried there for a minute that Moregrimes was going to win this match!

Joe Hoffman: Wow, really Benny?  That’s not like you to admit there.

Benny Newell: NO!!  Of course not you fuck stick!  I knew from the moment this match started who’s hand was going to be raised at the end.  I’m not surprised by the result!

John Sektor celebrates in the middle of the ring as Moregrimes rolls out of the ring knowing that he was close to having Sektor’s number here tonight as Refueled heads backstage.                                                               

Cut backstage to a locker room where Steve Harrison sits in his chair tying his boots up for his match that is right around the corner.  William Morris stands to the right of him with a box in his hand.  As the new rules of Steve Harrison interviews Jack Marley is behind the camera.  Steve finishes tying the left boot and looks up.  He smirks at the camera and rubs is cleanly shaven head with his right hand.  His Tag Title hangs from Williams right shoulder.

Steve Harrison: There is no questions tonight.  What do you morons need to know anyway?  You all know that tonight…

Looks up at the clock.

Steve Harrison: Sorry…in mere minutes I will bludgeoning Sean Stevens with both hands, both feet, and all my fingers if need be.  Maybe a toe?  Who the hell knows?  But we can all agree his blood will be staining the canvas tonight.  William holds my tag title right now, the very won I led The G’Odd Couple too not matter what my new bud Cancer Jiles says.

Harrison stands up and slaps the title with a smirk on his face.

Steve Harrison: Tonight, The Best Alliance can rest assure that I will take care of business and prove to everyone that we are not going anywhere we are just starting another dominating month.  War Games is right around the corner and no matter what we may be in for you can bet with confidence that The Miracle Man will come out victorious.  

Harrison grabs the box from William and tosses it to the ground.  Morris hands him a box cutter and the box is quickly opened by Steve seconds later.

Steve Harrison: The future is going to be great but right here we have the here and now.  Sean Stevens cost me some merch money a few weeks ago but right here is a new product that in just ten minutes will be sold by the Miracle Enterprise… 

He makes a slash movement with his right arm.

Steve Harrison: Slash Best Alliance kiosk.  All proceeds of course go to the HOG…

Jack Marley (Behind Camera): Wait that is not…

Steve Harrison: Shut up, Jack.  You are behind the camera while I am the one in front of it.  Keep your misguided opinions to yourself.  

Harrison puts his hand into the box and pulls it out.

Steve Harrison: It is the COOL Jiles Best Alliance Shades!

Steve shows obvious badly made replicas of Cancer JIles new shades.  

Steve Harrison: Now everyone can get a piece of our World Champion and new great tag champion partner of MINE, Cancer JIles.  If you ever thought that deep down, you really wanted to be a douchebag then in mere minutes you can buy these and become one of the biggest around.

Harrison smiles and waves his hand at a whole box of them.

Steve Harrison: Maybe you like bad stomach tattoos?

Pause

Steve Harrison: Maybe you like to steal other people’s glory?

Pause

Steve Harrison: Maybe you are sitting backstage tonight with the night off about to see your buddy rip apart Sean Stevens and bring more respect towards The Best Alliance?

Pause.

Steve Harrison: Whatever it could possibly be…don’t worry because the COOL Shades are a steal at twenty-five dollars.  Don’t worry either because these are of high quality unlike Dan Ryan’s parenting skills.

Harrison chuckles to himself and then looks at William.

Steve Harrison: Get these amazing shades over to the Kiosk you know these clowns in LA are going to eat them up.  As for these…

Harrison looks at the shades in his hand and shrugs.  He winds up like Jacob DeGrom the bester pitcher in Baseball and throws them against the wall.

Steve Harrison: That is the last piece of merch Sean Stevens will see destroyed and not at all about my relationship with Cancer JIles.

Harrison winks at the camera as it fades.

Tune into High Octane Radio… new episode coming this week???

Joe Hoffman: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, we are ready our next match of the night as Stevens Harrison takes on Sean Stevens.

Benny Newell: SHHHHH!

Joe Hoffman: What now?

Benny lifts some papers and looks under the desk.

Benny Newell: You mentioned the name and he may appear.

Joe Hoffman: Well that’s Sean’s last name Benny.

Benny Newell: He’s just Sean. Sean S-Dot. Or Triple X. 

Joe Hoffman: Whatever you say pal.

The lights dim, as the soulful intro blares over the airwaves. 

VOICEOVER: The most important thing in business is honesty… 

The HOV has several images flash, starting with an up-close photo of a blue-eyed baby – crawling, before transition to a toddler, 6 year old version of the same child playing football, and a 12 year old pre-teenager playing with a basketball in hand.  

“…integrity, hard work…. Family. NEVER forgetting where we came from.” 

HOV continues to show several more images. The first was an even older Sean Stevens – 17 years old – in amateur wrestling gear; in a cap and gown – signifying graduation. 

Benny Newell: Did Lee approves this shit?

The scene then shifted to Sean in the audience, in what looked to be a wrestling arena, before cutting to the final image of Sean, in the middle of a death defying leap from a forty-foot high camera tower, as his foe – below – laid unconscious. 

Benny Newell: I’m about to be unconscious if this shit continues.

HOV shows one last image of “Triple X” Sean Stevens in the center of the ring, being handed a crown, tired, sweaty, yet triumphant. Suddenly, the HOV fades to black and the beat dropped.

Benny Newell: Thank Lee the tortured has ended.

 An extra long hissing sound is heard as smoke begins to fill the arena and pyrotechnics shoot to the roof, as “No Hook,” by Jay Z blasted over the PA system.as 

Benny Newell: Lee dammit!

Sean Stevens steps through the curtain. 

Bryan McVay: Introducing first, weighing in at 218lbs, he hails from Orlando, FL, He is …..SEAN! “TRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEE XXXXXXXXXXX! STTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVEEEENNS! 

Stevens is immediately met with a mixed reaction – that he ignores – as he saunters confidently to the ring, in a 100% cotton “King’s Back” t-shirt, black and silver tights, and a pair of “Ray Ban” clubmaster sunglasses. 

Joe Hoffman: Sean Stevens….

Benny Newell: SHHHH!

Joe Hoffman: Triple X hasn’t been seen in a few weeks, but he has quietly rack up some victories propelling him within the top ten of the standings.

Benny Newell: And doing something like that may have gone unnoticed by the roster but not GOD because he has an opportunity against a Best Alliance member here tonight.

Joe Hoffman: Not just a Best Alliance member Benny, but a champion in the Best Alliance.

Benny Newell: Correct.

Ignoring the cat calls, and flash bulbs, Stevens doesn’t acknowledge anything or anyone ’til he enters the ring, and hops on each of the four turnbuckles, thrusting his arms in the air victoriously.

Joe Hoffman: Sean looks confident tonight.

Benny Newell: He’s going to need to if he expects to beat a member of the Best Alliance.

 “Take the Money and Run,” By The Steve Miller Man starts to play and the curtain flies open. 

Joe Hoffman: And there is the newly crowned Tag Team champion.

Benny Newell: You mean the man our World champion and leader of the Best Alliance single-handedly carried and presented a title to on a silver platter.

Joe Hoffman: I wouldn’t say that Benny….

Benny Newell:  BUT IT’S TRUE! If it wasn’t for the COOLympus God, Harrison would’ve been defeated by the guy Jace can’t even conquer. 

Steve Harrison walks out with his arms in the air displaying the newly shined tag title, a smirk across his face. He begins walking towards the rings and begins to obnoxiously rub his title victory towards the crowd who return his feat with waves with boos and indifference. 

Bryan McVay: And his opponent, representing the Best Alliance, weighing in at 245lbs, he hails from Fairfax, VA, He is one-half- of the HOW World Tag Team Champions…..“THE MIRACLE! “ STEVE! HAAAAAIRRRRRRIIIISSSSSSSSSSSONN!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

The smirk begins to fade after hearing the response so the Miracle Man begins jawing back at some of the audience and pointing to himself yelling over and over “ME, ME, ME!.” 

Benny Newell: NOT ME! ME! ME! YOU MEAN JILES! JILES! JILES! GET IT RIGHT HARRISON! HOW CAN YOU FUCK UP YOUR OWN ENTRANCE?!?!?!?

Steve walks faster to the ring his smirk now a scowl, however he doesn’t enter instead making his way over to the commentary booth.

Joe Hoffman: Uh oh.

Benny Newell: What does this coattail rider want?

Harrison stares daggers into Benny.

Benny Newell: Take a picture it’ll last longer…..AH!

Harrison slams the tag title onto the table startling Benny causing him to spill his Jack. Harrison turns and enters the rings and leans against one of the turnbuckles and begins talking to himself, his face becoming red in anger. As the music fades Joel Hortega rings the bell.

Ding. Ding.

Joe Hoffman: And here we go.

Harrison comes out of his corner and immediately goes after Sean. Stevens pushes him away, but Harrison puts the brakes on and goes right back after him causing Triple X to take sanctuary between the ropes causing Hortega to pull the tag champion back.

Joe Hoffman: Harrison showing his aggression here, but want to be careful he doesn’t overdo it to get himself disqualified.

Harrison has words with Hortega and as soon as he does he gets taken down by a running clothesline. Harrison pops back up but gets sent to the canvas one more time.

Benny Newell: HEY HARRISON! JILES JUST SENT ME A MESSAGE TO TELL YOU TO GET YOUR ASS UP!

Joe Hoffman: Why you poking the bear Benny?

Benny Newell: I ain’t poking anything, but the Mansy Troy of the Best Alliance. He spills my Jack and thinks he can get away with that? Fuck no!

Stevens makes his way towards Harrison, but the tag champion shoves him back. As Harrison gets to his feet he begins to make his way towards Stevens who is already in motion to deliver a….

Joe Hoffman: TORNADO ROUNDHOUSE KICK!

Benny Newell: You mean the Reach Around Kick.

Joe Hoffman: BENNY!

Benny Newell: What? He’s called Triple X right? Either he’s a Vin Diesel stunt double or he was in porn. I’m sure redacted-pedia would know.

Stevens goes for a cover.

Uno.

Dos.

No.

Harrison pops a shoulder up.

Stevens drives a forearm into the side of Harrison’s face.

Benny Newell: Triple Porn smacking Harrison around like he does the bitches in his pornos.

Stevens pulls Harrison to his feet and whips him towards the ropes. As Harrison gets closer, Stevens launches himself forward with his feet colliding into Steve and the momentum causing Stevens to flip backwards.

Joe Hoffman: Drop-sault by Triple X.

Benny Newell: I bet he drops…..DEEZ NUTS all in bitches mouths!

As Harrison rebounds off of the ropes, Stevens doubles his opponent over with a boot to the gut and sends him to the mat with a spinning neckbreaker. Sean doesn’t wait a moment as he immediately pops to his feet and measures Harrison before delivering a standing moonsault. Stevens pushes himself up to deliver a standing shooting star press. 

Cover.

Uno.

Dos.

Tre….

NO!

Joe Hoffman: Sean almost had it there with that near fall!

Benny Newell: Just a little pre-cum Hoffman. Don’t blow your load yet.

Sean flashes three to Hortega he tells him it was a coat of dos. The veteran, Sean Stevens, looks towards the corner and a devilish smile forms over his face.

Joe Hoffman: Sean may be headed to the High Risk District.

Benny Newell: Red Light District.

Stevens makes his way towards the corner and begins to scale the ropes until he is perched on the top.

Joe Hoffman: Sean maybe be looking to end it here.

Benny Newell: Damn right! It’s Money Shot time! When he lands you can unleash your load Hoffman.

Joe Hoffman: Gross.

Stevens launches himself off of the top ropes looking for a frog splash only to have his breath expelled from his body as the wind is knocked out of his as he lands on Harrison’s knees.

Benny Newell: ABOUT TIME YOU DID SOMETHING RIGHT HARRISON! IT TRULY IS A MIRACLE!

Harrison sits up with an expression on his face that says he’s beyond pissed and let’s out a primal yell before mounting Stevens and pummeling him with right hands.

Joe Hoffman: Harrison venting his anger out on Sean’s face.

Benny Newell: Sean’s taken many hits the face before Hoffman. If a titty can’t knock him out I’m sure lactose boy won’t affect him.

Harrison goes to pick up Stevens, but Triple X shoves him back. Harrison shakes his head and proceeds forward again and gets kicked right in the face.

Joe Hoffman: CHIN CHECK! Harrison just had his chin checked.

The momentum from the kick sends Harrison all the way across the ring and into the corner.

Joe Hoffman: Sean can end it here!

Sean builds up a head of steam and makes his way towards Harrison and leaps.

Joe Hoffman: HARRISON CAUGHT HIM!

Benny Newell: I’m sure he heard Jiles yelling from the back to catch him.

The fire in Harrison’s eyes intensifies has he lifts Stevens up and drops him face first into the turnbuckle.

Joe Hoffman: Oh my! What a move by Harrison!

Benny Newell: That’s the Ode to Jiles Hoffman.

Harrison slowly turns around and sees a prone Stevens laying in the corner and lets out a massive primal yell before making his way over and grabbing Sean by his head and driving it repeatedly into the top turnbuckle.

Joe Hoffman: Never seen this side of aggression from Harrison.

Harrison continues to bounce Sean’s head off of the top turnbuckle before getting into Hortega’s face after the official threatened to disqualify him if he didn’t listen. Harrison turns back towards Stevens and delivers a running knee to the back of Sean’s neck.

Joe Hoffman: Enlightenment!

Harrison isn’t done as he runs towards the side corner and hits the ropes to deliver a

Joe Hoffman: Another Enlightenment by Harrison.

Harrison runs across towards the opposite corner across the ring to build up a running speed to deliver another running knee.

Joe Hoffman: A third Enlightenment!

Benny Newell: We can all thank our world champion for this Hoffman. We can refer to Jiles as the Cool-aissance Man has he has enlightened his tag partner.

Sean slinks down face first into the corner and Harrison delivers a fourth and final Enlightenment. Harrison pulls Sean to his feet and locks in a crossface chickenwing.

Joe Hoffman: Step one by Harrison.

Harrison begins to swing Sean wildly around asking Hortega to ask him if he taps. However, before Hortega can ask the unconscious Stevens, the tag champion suplexes his opponent into the corner.

Benny Newell: IT’S A HARRICLE! GOOD LEE! HARRISON HAS DONE SOMETHING RIGHT!

Harrison pulls Sean Stevens out of the corner and makes a cover.

Uno.

Dos.

Tres.

Ding. Ding. Ding.

Bryan McVay: And your winner by pinfall…..He is “THE MIRACLE! “ STEVE! HAAAAAIRRRRRRIIIISSSSSSSSSSSONN!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Joe Hoffman: What a match! Sean showed a lot of fight tonight, but he strength and power of Steve Harrison proved to be to much.

Benny Newell: Triple X impressed here tonight and with War Games upon us he may have shown his worth…..what the hell do you want?!?!?!?

Benny says as Harrison stands before the Hall of Famers as he slams his hand on the tag title sitting on top of the table.

Benny Newell: AH! SAVE ME HOFFMAN!

Benny hides behind Hoffman as Harrison grabs his championship and slings it over his shoulder. A smirk forms over Harrison’s face as he reaches over and takes Benny’s Jack before heading towards the back.

Benny Newell: Did that mother fucker……

Joe Hoffman: I think he did Benny.

Benny Newell: That mother fucker is gonna hear it from LEE! All you assholes in the back I need you to bring my spare Jack out here now!

As Harrison heads up the ramp we cut backstage.

“412! 412! 412!” shouts a familiar voice down a backstage corridor within the Staples Center. 

It’s… Arthur Pleasant.

Wearing a gross looking grey and white suit that seems to have blood stains all across the sports coat, he marches to the beat of his own drum. Playing with a button hanging onto his coat by literally a single thread, Arthur continues chanting.

Arthur Pleasant: Four-One-Two! Four-One-Two! Four-One-Two!

Behind the Provocateur stands his heavy-for-hire Big Russian Motherfucker, Yuri Reznikov. Looking unamused at Arthur’s shouting, Yuri simply does the job he was hired for and stands within striking distance to any would-be attackers.

Attackers like Brian Hollywood. He’s so hip, isn’t he?

Arthur Pleasant: Four-One-Two! Four-One-Two! Four-One-

He stops right before shouting two.

The distinct voice of Lindsay Troy emanates from up ahead on the concourse. Arthur just Elmer Fudd’s his way closer and closer until his pick-pocketing percentage goes up to 30%.

Arthur looks at Yuri.

Yuri looks at Arthur.

Arthur looks at the Queen of the Ring, talking to some fans as she signs a few autographs.

Yuri continues to look at Arthur.

Arthur flashes an evil grin, and every fuckwagon’s asshole puckers at whatever he has up his blood-stained sleeve.

Arthur Pleasant: WELL. Whadda ya say, Yurster?! Now’s as good a time as any, isn’t it?

Yuri shakes his head.

Yuri Reznikov: Nyet. I do not think this good idea. Your track record with Lindsay is best at… nekhorosho.

Arthur just simply blinks, looking puzzled at his counterpart. Whether it was for fucking up the phrase “at best” or his Russian language barrier slipping through, one cannot be certain.

Yuri Reznikov: Not good.

Arthur Pleasant: Surely if they wish to win War Games then track records with yours truly shouldn’t matter, should they? Besides, considering how low the numbers are on the Locust Gropers 412? Beggars can’t be choosers. Especially having a shot against… well, about ninety percent of the fucking roster.

He laughs at this while Yuri shakes his head.

Arthur Pleasant: C’mon, Yurster. We have a fucking party to crash.

Adjusting his tattered and spattered tie, Arthur clears his throat and slicks his greasy hair back. Then, taking a few more steps forward, the Queen of the Ring comes into full view.

Arthur Pleasant: HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S ARTHUR!! WHO’S READY TO WIN WAR GAMES?! RA-RA-SHISH-KA-BOB!!

Lindsay, as well as dozens of fans, look over at the two party crashers. Her eyes narrow to slits as she hands a T-shirt and Sharpie back to a man and his 8 year old daughter.

Lindsay Troy: No. Absolutely not.

Arthur cannot help himself. He pokes the Mama bear with a metaphorical stick.

Arthur Pleasant: Your mouth says “no” but your beady little eyes tell me “OMG YES ARTHUR YES.”

Lindsay Troy: There is nothing about this…

She waves her hand in front of her face….

Lindsay Troy: …that wants anything to do with that…

…and then waves it in the direction of Arthur and Yuri.

Arthur sighs.

Arthur Pleasant: I know you can’t see the big picture or anything, El-Tee, but maybe it’ll hit you in the head later on. You… you need me.

His smile fades. His eyes are expressionless.

Arthur Pleasant: You know what I’m capable of. But what you don’t know, is that when it comes to wartime alliances? I make a pretty fucking good one. I think you’ve got a little scar on your forehead there the last time we met in the ring, too. And Dan Ryan? He now knows what I can do in that ring. So he’s at least halfway there, like you.

He sucks his teeth.

Arthur Pleasant: But I mean, if you truly don’t want to win WAR GAMES? I… I understand. Hehehe.

Lindsay Troy: No, I think the last time we met in the ring, I was taking a couple of years off both your and Yuri’s life expectancies. But nobody really gives a shit about that here, Arthur. You want to align with the Grapplers and fight in WAR GAMES?

She steps a little closer to Arthur; not so close as to be within striking distance, but enough to close the gap a little more.

Lindsay Troy: Prove it.

Arthur thinks on this for a moment. Tapping his right foot on the cement flooring of the concourse, Arthur throws his hands up.

Arthur Pleasant: Welp, alright. I’ll prove it. If I have to kiss your ass, then so be it. Just turn around, pull ‘em down, and we’ll get this over with.

Arthur whips out some chapstick from his breast pocket. Popping the top off, he rigorously coats his lips with it before tossing it behind him. Lindsay just rolls her eyes.

Lindsay Troy: Prove it in the ring, moron. Then maybe I, and the rest of the 214, will consider it.

With a shake of her head, she heads back toward the Section 214 seating area. Arthur, meanwhile, stays behind with Yuri.

Arthur Pleasant: Well Jesus, Yurster. If I’d have known it’d be THAT easy…

Yuri shakes his head, obviously not as confident in Arthur’s abilities as Arthur is.

Arthur Pleasant: I’m not gonna lie, though. I really wanted to see that ass.

He shakes his head in disappointment as the scene fades.

“Mr. Finish Line”

The delightful tones of Vulfpeck bangalang across the sound system of the Staples Center, which can only mean one thing in the world of High Octane Grapples – Cecilworth M! J Farthington is about to be here.

Joe Hoffman: After months upon months of stop start trolling and false promises of returns, Cecilworth Farthington actually did the most shocking thing he could…

Benny Newell: Actually show up for work?

Joe Hoffman: …not exactly where I was going with that. Farthington had been a massive topic of conversation with respect to War Games, many expected that he was looking to finally get that elusive ultimate survivor credit, perhaps looking at revenge on Cancer Jiles over his LSD Championship loss and yet he chose a very different direction…

Benny Newell: A direction where he will get his fucking skull caved in by his so called best friend, yes. Hey, Cecy, his other best friend’s corpse is drifting along the Pacific Ocean right now, can’t wait for you to join him! 

The generously termed banter between Benny and Joe is cut off to the arrival of Cecilworth Farthington, who chooses not the make his way down to the ring but rather keeps his place at the top of the entrance way, still rocking his “HOFC Is My Favorite Division” t-shirt, he stands very happily, feet a-planted in place.

Cecilworth Farthington: I’m still waiting.

Cecilworth openly sighs into the microphone, making great efforts to ensure the sound is picked up.

Cecilworth Farthington: Last week, I made my intentions clear, hell, I even done did one of them little HOFC promo things that are cool with the kids these days. I want to help get it through the osmium levels of dense skulls that the knuckle dragging cavemen that dwell the High Octane backstage area possess. Yet, nothing.

Farthington has a cheeky chuckle to himself.

Cecilworth Farthington: Well… not… nothing. One person actually accepted a fisticuffs battle with me but I just have this inkling that by next week, his head will likely not be attached to his body. No one will ask “why does he have a head?” anymore. So, I doubt that he’ll be able to make the trip to the Good Ship Octane on the very next exciting edition of Refueled. 

There’s a roar from the LA HOW fandom that sounds a lot like the word “Mike” if you listen closely enough. Cecilworth gives a polite nod towards the sounds. 

Cecilworth Farthington: The only other man who would be willing to fight me knows that we can’t yet. Mike, buddy, you know I have to get there first. You know I have to earn it. There’s already enough bullshit conspiracy theories from High Octane’s diaper patrol and they smear their ideas all over their face. 

The normal indifferently jovial Cecilworth has a rather intense look of frustration in his face.

Cecilworth Farthington: You know, so many people loved to talk about how I didn’t earn my wins, how I didn’t earn my Hall of Fame spot, that I was only riding on my friends’ much more successful coattails. You’ve even created grand conspiracies to justify why I was actually never successful. Perhaps you’ve considered me “boring”. Well, if you’re listening to this backstage and you think that sounds like you, I would very much like for you to join me next week for a little bout of punchsport. I’m sure you have been waiting for a moment to punch in my pretty little inbred British face. 

The frustration turns into a little smile.

Cecilworth Farthington: I mean, I know many people have thought it, whispered it in their lil locker room pow wows. Yet, so far, my fight card remains unstamped. It couldn’t be that those people are absolute cowards, could it? You see, we live in a new era of High Octane, where those who chat shit can very much get banged and I plan to bang them all. Bang them hard. 

Benny Newell: Hey…

Joe Hoffman: I don’t even know what you were going to say but nooooooope.

Joe Hoffman loudly exclaims in an effort to drown out any words that had started slipping out of Benny Newell’s mouth. 

Cecilworth Farthington: My message to all of you is very simple. I better see one of you on that ship next week or I’ll fucking drag you there myself. Fuck you. Fight me. 

LT’s new attire still isn’t finished, but we sure got this banner out in time for the show. #LazyHOAXGuy

Joe Hoffman: Nine years in the making folks, that’s how long it’s been since the controversial acts of 2012 happened between these two in what now has become an infamous HOFC fight.

Benny Newell: I remember cringing as Scottywood and Silent Witness tried to murder Gino all those years ago.

Joe Hoffman: I’m honestly shocked you can remember anything Benny.  Let alone Witness joining Scotty’s War Games team that night and helping on that beatdown.  Probably a fact Witness would like everyone to forget though.

Benny Newell: Yeah, I associated myself with Scotty before… and I forgot about it.

Joe Hoffman: Blacking out does that.  But anyhow Gino has been training for years with Mike Best at his Six Time Academy, and he now gets his shot at revenge against Scottywood.

Benny Newell: It’s Scotty that should be looking for revenge… he’s the one that threw a hissy fit all those years ago.

Joe Hoffman: Scotty will indeed be looking for some closure here tonight after what he has admitted was a mistake all those years ago.  But let’s head out to the USS Octane where Rick Stevens is standing by waiting for the competitors.

DRINKS UP HIGH EVERY TIME I HIT THE PARTY 

“Hey” by Lil’ Jon (ft. 3OH!3) begins to blast over the speakers across the USS Octane. Gino “The G-Train” Giordano makes his way out from behind the curtain, jumping in time to the banging beat with his hand in the air, dancing along. Gino stops at the top of the ramp, pointing confidently at his abs before raising one arm like a train whistle– the crowd inside the arena collectively joins him in a resounding “CHOO CHOOOO!”

Bryan McVay: The following HOFC Fight is scheduled for three rounds.  Introducing first, from Jersey City, New Jersey and weighing in at 234 pounds… GINO GIORDANO!!!!

Gino makes his way towards the cage which he enters and quickly ascends the nearest wall, slowly taking his sunglasses off as he stares at the camera and he continues to fist pump along to the beat. Eventually, the G-Train climbs down and takes his corner, kissing two fingers and using them to say a small prayer as he gets ready to begin the contest.

OOOOOOOHHHHH, BEG MOTHERFUCKER, BEG

“Beg” by Seether blasts now through the USS Octane speakers as a song that couldn’t contrast Gino’s theme anymore plays as we see The Hardcore Artist emerge from the ship and make his way out onto the deck.  His face, locked in a pure sense of anger as he marches straight to the cage.

Bryan McVay: Introducing his opponent, born proudly in Bristol, Connecticut and hailing from New York City, he weighs in tonight at 270 pounds… Part Owner of HOW, HOW Hall of Famer, The Hardcore Artist…. SCOTTYWOOD!!!

Entering the cage, Scotty doesn’t showboat at all as he just stares down Gino who is staring right back as he jogs in place.  Cracking his knuckles, Scotty nods his head that he is ready to go and Rick Stevens wastes little time.

DING DING DING

Gino charges at Scotty with a quick fury of punches as Scotty gets his hands up to block what he can, but a few land as Gino delivers a hard kick to the left thigh of Scotty and goes for a kick to the right.  Scotty grabs the leg of Gino and lifts it and throws Gino onto his back, where Scotty drops a hard elbow across the chest of Gino.  

Joe Hoffman: the younger Gino coming out with all the energy early as Scotty is weathering the storm. 

Gino quickly tries to grab Scotty’s arm for a Kimura, but Scotty wisely pulls his arm away before Gino can get a grip.  Responding, Scotty nails an elbow to the temple of Gino.  He gets back to his feet as he grabs Gino by his shorts to pull him to his feet and goes to throw Gino into the cage but Gino puts the brakes on and reverses Scotty into the cage. 

Benny Newell: Eat it Scotty!  Eat all of it!

Gino charges at Scotty to drives some knees into his back against the cage, but Scotty spins around and spears Gino nearly in half as he takes him down to the mat and starts hammering down his own forceful elbows to the skull, mainly the jaw of Gino as tries his best to cover up but gets hammered by a couple stiff shots from Scotty.

DING DING DING

Stevens gets in quickly and breaks things up as Scotty wonders if its a referee’s stoppage… but realizes it is the end of round one.

Joe Hoffman: Quick start by Gino, but Scotty with a powerful finish to the round with some stiff shots to the returning Gino.

Benny Newell: I already cleaned up on bets saying Gino would be done in round one… suckers.

Stevens calls for the bell to start round two as Gino is smirking a bit that he survived the first round against Scotty.  Gino comes at Scotty quick and throws from quick punches as he lands one or two before Scotty delivers a hard boot into the gut and just DDTs Gino in the middle of the cage.  Shaking off the stunning shots, Scotty drives his boot into the back of Gino’s head as he pulls him back up to his feet and throws him back first into the HOFC cage.  Gino stumbles off it and right into the hand of Scotty who chokeslams Gino in the middle of the cage as Stevens quickly starts a count.

Scottywood: Was that worth nine years?  You get up and I’ll break that jaw again boy!

Joe Hoffman: Huge Scottyslam, Gino in some trouble as he is laid out on the mat.

1………

2………

3…………

4………….

5………….

6…………..

Gino starts to stir as he uses the cage wall to pull himself up at a 7 count as Scott charges and clotheslines Gino against the cage wall.

Benny Newell: You can’t keep a Jersey boy down Scotty!

Scottywood: You will regret this, you really will.

With Gino dazes again, Scotty signals for the end as he lifts Gino up onto his shoulders.

Joe Hoffman: Game Misconduct time, this could end it for sure.

Scotty parades Gino around the ring for a moment before he goes for the move, but Gino grabs onto Scotty head and reverses it into his own DDT that plants the Hall of Famer in the middle of the ring himself.

1……

2……

3……..

4……..

Scotty pushes himself up off the mat and shakes his head as Gino comes in with a knee to Scotty’s skull, but Scotty ducks it but Gino spins around and connects a side kick to the jaw of Scotty.  With Scotty down to a knee, Gino goes for a knife edge chop but Scotty grabs his hand and wrenches it around as he boots Gino in the gut again…

DING DING DING

Stevens jumps in to break things up, as we don’t know what Scotty was planning, but the bell saves Gino who quickly shakes the pain out of his arm in his corner.

Joe Hoffman: Two rounds down and Gino is putting up a hell of a fight here.  He is dishing out some good shots and weathering plenty of offense from the bigger Scottywood.

Benny Newell: From an old and feeble Scottywood.  Surprised his back hasn’t given out by now.

Stevens calls for the start of round three as the two men charge at each other and just start trading punches in the middle of the ring, the crowd in the arena is roaring as they watch on the HOV and with each shot Scotty is more and more surprised that Gino is eating the punches and hanging in there.  Finally Scotty drives a knee into the gut of Gino and tattoos him with one more stiff right that busts Gino open.  Scotty smiles as he goes to pick him up for a spinebuster and plants Gino straight to the mat.

1….

2…..

3……

Joe Hoffman: Gino now bleeding as Scotty opened up a nice gash above the right eye.

4…..

5……

6……

7……. 

Gino starts to pull himself up as Scotty shakes his head and again calls for the end of the match as he grabs Gino into a front face lock and calls for the SDT.

Joe Hoffman: Spiked DDT for the…

Benny Newell: Back body drop by Gino!!!

Channeling all this strength, Gino send man who is 35 plus pounds his own, up over his head.  Scotty lands hard on his knees.  He is in obvious pain as he stands back up but Gino wastes no time delivering a stiff round kick to the back of Scotty’s head.

Benny Newell: DA NOOOOOOOCH!!!!!

Joe Hoffman: Right in the soft spot!

Scotty is stunned as he falls back to his knees, teetering on the edge of falling completely to the mat as Gino pumps his fist.

Gino: CHOO CHOO

He spins around and nails a brutal discus lariat to the back of Scotty’s head and sends his face first into the exposed steel corner of the HOFC cage.  The steel splits Scotty face open as he falls down to the mat.

Benny Newell: Train Wreck motherfucker!

1….

2…..

3……

Joe Hoffman: Scotty is out folks as his blood is soaking the canvas…

4…..

5……

6……

7……. 

8……

9……

Joe Hoffman: Scotty starting to move…

10…….

Benny Newell: It’s over!

DING DING DING

Bryan McVay: The winner of this fight, by knockout in the third round…. Gino Giordano!!!

Joe Hoffman: Gino’s nine year path to revenge against Scottywood has paid off, in a hell of a fight here tonight.  Both men spilling blood in that HOFC cage tonight in an effort to rewrite history.

Benny Newell: Da G-Train is gonna be roaring tonight Joe!  Drinks up high tonight!

We see Stevens raise the arm of Gino as Scotty pulls himself up on the wall of the cage, wiping the blood away from his eyes as he stares down Gino and starts to walk towards him.

Joe Hoffman: The fight is over Scotty… not this again…

Benny Newell: Gino, watch out!

Scotty spins Gino around and stares at him for a moment as Stevens does his best to get between the two men as Scotty throws out his hand… for a handshake.

Joe Hoffman: Is he offering Gino… his hand?

Gino looks at Scotty for a moment, questioning his legitimacy, but then extends his own hand as the two shake hands for a moment before Scotty breaks it off and makes his way out of the HOFC cage.

Joe Hoffman: After a hard fight… and a long feud, it seems Scottywood and Gino have finally buried nine years of animosity and hatred for each other.

Benny Newell: What Joe?  I’m already pouring drinks for Gino when he gets back from that ship.

Time is running out to choose a side. Are you with Lee? Or against him?

The show picks back up inside the ring. Bobby, as is customary these days, is already there waiting.

Then…

“I WANT IT ALL!” 

”I WANT IT ALL!” 

“I WANT IT ALL!” 

”AND I WANT IT NOW!” 

Pyrotechnics explode at the top of the ramp as “I Want It All” by Queen blares across the arena. The Ruler of Jattlantis emerges from the back and smugly walks down the ramp towards the ring; occasionally signing one of his adoring fans’ forehead before putting the marker back into his pocket. 

Benny Newell: I wonder how much he charges for those autographs?

The Sultan of SeaJattle continues down the ramp, walks up the ring steps and enters the ring. In the center of the ring, he kneels down as a single purple spotlight shines upon him, as if the HOW gods themselves are showering him in the “their” light. Jatt Starr rises as the purple light fades, the house lights once again illuminates the ring.

Joe Hoffman: Bobby and Jatt. Should be a close contest.

Benny Newell: Maybe if it were The Biggest Loser and not a wrestling match, Sorry Jatt, love ya!

Hortega says some Spanish that neither men understand, and then quickly calls for the bell.

DING~!

Joe Hoffman: And we’re underway!

Bobby and Jatt lock up in the center of the ring. Jatt forces Bobby back into the corner, and then  slaps him across the face. Bobby then tries to return the favor, but Jatt kicks him square in the shin, and Bob drops down to the canvas clutching at his right leg is detrimental agony. Starr doesn’t spare a moment, and slams his knee into Bobby’s face.

Perspiration goes flying.

Benny Newell: All Jatt. All the time!

Joe Hoffman: He’s in complete control.

Benny Newell: Complete.

Jatt lands a few closed fists to Bob’s face.

Then, he lands a few more.

And, a few more after that.

And finally, after Bobby’s nose is in a different spot, a few more closed fists for good measure.

Benny Newell: Brutal.

Jatt walks around the ring, proud of his work. Bobby is slouched over in the corner clutching at his once beautiful face. Benny probably has an erection.

Joe Hoffman: PUT THAT THING AWAY!

Joe shouts out at Hortega who is finishing a Margarita while watching Bobby bleed. Ocho De Mayo.

Jatt makes his way back over to Bobby and lifts him to his feet. Then, he uncharacteristically slams his forehead into Dean’s no longer showing nose, knocking him out cold.

An academic three count by Hortega follows.

Uno.

Dos.

Trece.

Benny Newell: That’ll do it. So much for it being a close one, huh Joe? Idiot.

Joe Hoffman: Got me there. Anyway, somebody better come and help Bobby. Jatt really did a number on him.

Benny Newell: Alliance RULES!

The show cuts from a celebrating Jatt Starr.

Video footage from earlier in the day plays as we see the HOW ring being assembled by random production crew members.  Among the ranks of HOW’s unsung heroes we see the unfamiliar face of Darin Zion amongst the team.  As the leader of the team calls out the numbers labelled on the boards below; you hear a loud thwacking noise echoing throughout the arena.  Brian Bare emerges from the backstage area finally dressed up in his suit for this evening’s festivities and immediately notices Zion lending a helping hand.  He fumbles next to the announcer’s desk to pick up a microphone as he rushes over towards Zion.

Brian Bare:  In the six years I’ve known you; I’ve never seen you show up early to work.  There MUST be something wrong with you.

After shooting Bare a casual glare, Darin Zion, who’s focused on completing the task at hand, continues to plug away at slamming each board in place, ready to hook the apron in place.  Bare, who is completely miffed at Zion ignoring him, walks up to him and nudges him again.

Brian Bare:  Did I stutter or something?  I know you heard me.  Something’s bothering you because it’s unlike you to cast away any friends like Meredith who have your back.  You never come out of catering to help out around here. Just spill it! How do you feel after Clay Byrd destroyed you at Refueled last week?

Shaking his head feeling rather disrespected, Zion hobbles over towards Bare still dealing with the pain Clay Byrd dealt him in last week’s match.  He places his hand on Bare’s shoulder before responding rather calmly and collected.

Darin Zion:  Bare, I’ve given the same laundry list of excuses or promises of a ‘Great Reset’ in the career of Darin Zion.  It’s starting to sound like a broken Little River Band record.  Time marches forward; it doesn’t stagnate in the past.

Bare nods while Zion’s eyes connect with Bare’s as he continues sharing everything he’s bottled up for the last week.

Darin Zion:  Everyone knows my story with the Best Alliance, it’s been five years since I crossed paths with them.  I have every right to be upset with them at this point in my career.  They’ve stolen championships, my dreams, and even my best friend from me; and I’ve come up short in every single battle in the war against them.  Yada Yada Yada!  I know I dug my grave when I stood against the Best Alliance five weeks ago.  I don’t need a reminder of my failures. So if you’ll excuse me…

As Zion tries turning around, Bare catches his arm to prevent him from dodging him.  Zion rolls his eyes looking rather perturbed at Bare.  He wants to go back to serving the company over answering stupid questions.  Before he lets out a long, drawn out sigh, Bare continues with questioning him.

Brian Bare:  Failures?  I understand we all have tough times in our lives.  But are you saying you failed when you outright challenged the Best Alliance?

As Bare backs away from Zion; he notices Zion scratching his chin deep in thought.  Zion slowly saunters over towards the microphone and glares Bare in the eyes.  Zion, looking rather uncomfortable while responding, shrugs and gives his honest answer.

Darin Zion:  I’d be lying to you if I didn’t tell you Clay Byrd’s words didn’t shock me to the core.  Maybe I should ask Lee for forgiveness…

Brian Bare:  Wait, you…

Darin Zion:  I don’t know, Bare; when you’ve had your ass handed to you every time you cross paths with the Alliance alone; it makes you wonder if they’ve been right the entire time.  I declared my side almost 5 weeks ago and where has the Union been this entire time?  Aren’t they supposed to be for workers rights or some shit?

Brian Bare looks rather shocked at Zion’s revelation as Zion just shakes his head in confusion at it all.

Darin Zion:  I haven’t received a phone call or been invited to a meeting let alone been invited to save them from the multiple beatings.  They have an ally in me. But “they got it, they got it.” Yeah, I know I’m not the poster child of a winner and I need to start acting like it. But still, Brian, how do you expect someone to take all this?  You try getting disrespected after getting concussed and wake up to see no one back at your bedside looking out for your best interests.  Especially after you’ve put 6 whole years into fighting a cause they just started fighting against.

Brian Bare:   I can understand that.  It’s disappointing…

Darin Zion:  Exactly, Bare!

Brian Bare:  So what’s that mean for your future?

Zion stands there for a moment while scratching his chin while sneering at Brian Bare.  His smile curls around his face and he shakes his head.

Darin Zion:  It means I need to stop letting losers like you stir up drama in my damn life and get back to work.  Hard work gets you things in HOW.  Not shit like what you’re trying to do.  I need to earn things around here instead of getting caught up with your shitty ass narrative of my career.  I’m sure you’ll find a way to spin my emotions like I’m ungrateful or some shit like that.  Now if you’ll excuse me, the boys over there need someone to hook that apron down so we can have a damn show tonight.

Zion shuns Bare by pushing him back and grabbing a few hooks at the ground.  He starts looping them around the ring apron ignoring Bare as the scene fades to black.

The camera heads backstage here in the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California. Different HOW officials and staff members can be seen heading off in all directions preparing for tonight’s main event. The camera goes inside one particular locker room where The King of Everything Jace Parker Davidson can be seen alongside Madison. Jace is leaned against one of the lockers that line the wall with his right hand raised up to his chin. Madison is standing in front of JPD with her arms folded across her chest.

JPD: I guess one option would be that we could tip it over.

Madison: That certainly would be interesting, but is that good enough?

JPD: Well, another option would be that we could set it on fire.

Madison: Oh, now that’s an option that I can really get behind!

JPD: Then again, we could always tip it over and then set it on fire…

Jace tapped his index finger on his chin deep in thought as Madison lowered her head and looked down at the shoes on her feet. Jace lets out a heavy sigh and slams his left fist against the locker.

JPD: I just can’t believe that jackass Ray McAvay would actually come down to the ring last week after my match and attack me with a steel chair.

Madison: What about that pulled pork slut spearing me in the middle of the ring when I was going to finish that amazon off with a lead pipe? She also pulled that steel chair out of my hands during the match too!

JPD: It’s like you said last week, Lindsay Troy fears you Madison. That’s why she needed Barbie-Q at ringside to keep you away from her. However, it did feel really damn good to stomp that ugly face of hers down to the mat after she attacked you.

A smirk spreads across Jace’s lips as he stomps his right foot down onto the concrete below. Madison just snarls thinking about all the things she wishes she could have done to Barbie-Q.

Madison: And that’s when McAvay showed up with the steel chair.

JPD: You’d think after all the times I’ve beaten his ass since I returned he would have gotten the hint. Yet he seems like he’s gotten that Scottywood syndrome where he has to prove he’s a badass. Poor bastard just doesn’t know when to stay down and admit defeat like a real man.

Madison: Remember, he’s a different Ray McAvay than the one you faced in 2016.

Both Jace and Madison practically double over with laughter at her comment concerning McAvay. After a few moments Jace straightens up and exhales before getting serious again.

JPD: You would think he’d have more important things to worry about seeing as he was in last week’s main event. A match where him and Princess Peach had to defend the HOW Tag Team Championship belts against Steve Harrison and Cancer Jiles.

Madison: Titles I might add, that he never even truly won. Titles that he should have lost the week before if Steve Solex would have carried his weight as part of your team.

JPD: Yet the fool has the nerve to go on last week about how the Local Grapplers 214 are a real team compared to The Best Alliance. That they could even be the BEST team…

Leonardo DiCaprio laughter gif.

JPD: Such strong words and yet what happened? He goes out and gets pinned and costs the Grappler’s the titles that Teddy Palmer and Lindsay Troy won. Normally I would have come down and attacked him during or after the match but I just couldn’t… I couldn’t stop fucking laughing at how much of a goddamn failure he is.

Madison: I bet he was looking over his shoulder that whole match waiting for you to come down and beat that ass.

JPD: It just goes to show since the moment I stepped foot back into HOW that I’ve been living rent free in his head. First he compares me to Mike Best then he’s more focused on attacking me than winning his own match where he is defending someone else’s titles.

Jace raises his right hand into the air and slaps it up against the side of his head repeatedly to show just how much he’s gotten into McAvay’s head.

JPD: I don’t even have to lift a finger and I’m still getting the better of McAvay. Last week it was Lindsay Troy who got dropped on her dome. McAvay has been getting his ass beat since jump street. Yet he has the nerve to tell me that we’re even?!

Jace pushes himself away from the locker chuckling to himself maniacally. Madison unfolds her arms and steps towards the lockers. She rears back and kicks one of the lockers as hard as she can. The door to the locker creaks open and inside is…

A battered, blooded, and unconscious Ray McAvay.

JPD: Since you can’t seem to learn your lesson Ray, I’ve decided to rely on schoolyard tactics. I’ve fucked you up both mentally and physically and I’m going to keep doing it until you’re nothing but a hollow shell for War Games. You think we’re even? We’ll never be even Ray… learn the lesson before I have to take you out once and for all.

Jace slams the locker door closed on Ray’s bloody head a couple of times before stuffing him back inside. Slamming the door shut, Jace grabs a hold of the locker and tips it over onto the floor. It lands with a loud thud as Jace turns to look at Madison.

JPD: Go get the gasoline, we’re burning this motherfucker to the ground.

Madison races off to the other end of the locker room and then comes back holding a 97red container of gasoline. She begins to pour the gasoline all over the fallen locker and around it. The duo exit the locker room leaving a trail of gasoline as Jace strikes a match. A sadistic grin takes over Jace’s facial features before he turns his back and flicks the match over his shoulder. The locker room is instantly set ablaze along with the locker with McAvay inside. Jace and Madison walk off as HOW officials rush in with fire extinguishers trying to save McAvay before we head to the ring for tonight’s main event.

If enough people buy this shirt, Sutler has promised a séance where we can talk to Max Kael one last time.

After the final commercial break ends, we cut to Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell standing by at ringside. 

Joe Hoffman: Let’s not waste any time and get right to it.  Bryan McVay is in the ring and ready to go.

Bryan McVay: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s now time for our main event!  

“Believer” by Solence roars out over the Gila River Arena as the crowd rises to their feet to boo the arrival of the Son of Scions. The lights black out as a single pillar of white light shines down on the stage while a billowing white fog boils up from the metal grates. Slowly sauntering out onto the stage was the President of Human Resources, his black and #97Red hair splashed playfully across his face while his leather jacket hangs over his shoulders and bare chest.

Bryan McVay: Introducing first, from Chicago, Illinois, standing at six-feet and weighing one-hundred-eight-nine pounds…

On the stage, Sutler poses as the house lights come up to the heavy guitar rifts of the metal cover of Believer.

Bryan McVay: He is the President of Human Resources, the World’s Greatest Gamer, the Son of Scions and High Octane Wrestling’s Employee of the Week… SUTLER REYNOLDS-KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEL!

A series of pyro explodes around Sutler as he casually makes his way to the ring ignoring the jeers and booing from the fans around him. Over the sound of booing, the obvious sound of Sutler’s name being chanted can be heard, clearly an attempt to drown out the negative reaction to the Crown Prince of High Octane.

Reaching the ring, Sutler hops up onto the apron pausing for a moment before swaggering confidently to the center of the ring where he lifts one finger high into the air while he cuts his thumb across his neck with the other before “Believer” dies down.

Bryan McVay: And his opponent…

The lights go out and a dual-spotlight makes an encircling pattern on the entrance area as the opening riff of the song plays.

Bryan McVay: Hailing from Houston, Texas, and weighing in at 305 pounds!! He… is… DAAAAANNNN… RYYYYYYAAAANNNNN!!! 

When the riff audio kicks it up a notch, Dan Ryan steps out and pauses, looking into the audience, then heads down the aisle as pyro blasts behind him. 

The video shows clips from his career: power bombing Bobby Dean, super kicking Andy Murray, taking MJ Flair’s head off with a clothesline, hitting Perfection with the Headliner, countering a Jack Harmen dive into a vicious power slam, smirking as he pins Doozer, standing on a balcony looking down at Andy Murray with a sinister grin on his face. 

Ryan walks directly to the ring, rolls in under the bottom rope, and climbs the nearest turnbuckle, keeping his arms down and smirking into the crowd as the music plays.  That is until…

*WHAP* 

Joe Hoffman: KAEL JUST HIT RYAN WITH A LEAD PIPE!  

Benny Newell: YES!  

While Dan Ryan climbed into the ring during his entrance, Sutler Reynolds-Kael slipped out and pulled out a lead pipe from under the ring, then returned. 

*WHAP*

Joe Hoffman: HE HIT HIM AGAIN!

The crowd begins to boo.

*WHAP*

Joe Hoffman: DAN RYAN’S CAUGHT UP IN THE ROPES AND KAEL HITS HIM AGAIN!  WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING!  

Benny Newell: He’s paying the fucking price Joe.  That’s what.  

Joe Hoffman: Of course, Benny’s referring to Dan’s brutal attack on Lee Best a couple weeks ago.  

Benny Newell: You’re damn right.  Dan Ryan and the Grappling 214 fuckwits had better listen hard.  You fuck with the GOD of HOW.  The HOW of GOD fucks you over right back.

Sutler goes for a fourth but Matt Boettcher grabs the pipe.  

Joe Hoffman: Finally, Matt Boettcher steps in to stop this.

There’s a brief struggle and the pipe falls to the ground.  Reynolds-Kael goes to retrieve…

*WHAM*

Joe Hoffman: DOUBLE AX-HANDLE BY DAN RYAN!  

Benny Newell: NOOOO!  

Sutler’s driven to the mat.  Boettcher kicks the lead pipe out of the ring and shouts at the timekeeper to call for the bell. 

*DING-DING*

Joe Hoffman: Matt Boettcher gets this match officially underway but not before Sutler Reynolds-Kael attacked Dan Ryan before the bell and may have done some serious damage to his knee.

Benny Newell: Strategy Hoffhole.  Strategy.  Negate Dan Ryan’s power by taking out his knee and depriving him of a solid vertical base.

Joe Hoffman: That actually makes sense since Reynolds-Kael is giving up over a hundred pounds to his opponent tonight.  

Ryan lunges at Sutler but no one’s home.  

Joe Hoffman: SRK rolls out of the ring and escapes the wrath of Dan Ryan.  

Benny Newell: You see?  Strategy.  And don’t call him SRK.  

Joe Hoffman: Why not?

Benny Newell: I get to call him SRK.  You don’t.  Me friend.  You not.  You can call him Mr. Reynolds-Kael, President of Human Resources.  

Hoffman sighs.  

Ryan seethes as he looks for Sutler but winces in pain when he tries to move his knee.  

Benny Newell: Stay away!  

Sutler stays as far away as he can from the ring.

Joe Hoffman: He can’t run forever Benny.

Boettcher starts a ten count.  

ONE…

Ryan flexes his knee to loosen it up.  

TWO…

THREE…

FOUR…

FIVE…

SIX…

SEVEN…

EIGHT…

At nine, Sutler sprints around the ring and slides in on the opposite side where Dan is.  He hops up and down and keeps his eye on Dan Ryan.

Ryan methodically limps towards Reynolds-Kael.  

Joe Hoffman: Well, let’s see if both men will engage.  

Ryan reaches about halfway and…

Joe Hoffman: And no.  Sutler Reynolds-Kael bails out of the ring again.

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*

Benny Newell: Strategy.  DRINK! 

Reynolds-Kael once again backs as far away from the ring as possible but stays clear of the barricade and the fans who are giving him a hard time right now.

Joe Hoffman: The crowd letting Sutler Reynolds-Kael know what they think of his tactics.

Benny Newell: Fuck the fans.  SRK knows exactly what he’s doing.  Trust the strategy.

Joe Hoffman: Sutler Reynolds-Kael is playing a game of cat and mouse with one of the most dangerous men ever to set foot in a HOW ring. 

Benny Newell: I think what you’re trying to say is brains is prevailing over brawn.  DRINK! 

THREE…

FOUR…

FIVE…

SIX…

SEVEN…

EIGHT…

Again, Sutler rolls back into the ring at nine- again he reenters the ring on the opposite side of where Dan Ryan is. 

He then gestures towards the big man to come get him.   

Joe Hoffman: Oh, he’s not doing what I think he’s doing.  

Benny Newell: SRK knows what he’s doing. 

Anger building, fists balled up, pure violence etched on his face, Dan Ryan limps across the ring towards his opponent.

Joe Hoffman: Oh my God.  He’s going to kill him. 

Benny Newell: I told you, SRK knows what he’s doing.

Closer.  

Closer.  

Sutler’s eyes widen.  

And just as Ryan reaches within arm’s reach of wrapping his hands around Sutler’s neck, Sutler drops to the mat and rolls back out of the ring.  

Joe Hoffman: Fight or flight and Reynolds-Kael chooses flight once again.  

Benny Newell: Strategy Hoffman.  Strategy.

But this time, Boettcher starts the ten count the second Sutler’s feet hit the floor. 

Benny Newell: What the fuck is he doing?

ONE…

Joe Hoffman: Matt Boettcher has finally had enough of Sutler’s stalling tactics.

Benny Newell: Boettcher’s going to spend some time in the President of Human Resource’s office next week if he keeps this shit up.

TWO…

THREE…

FOUR…

FIVE…

Joe Hoffman: At some point, Sutler has to wrestle Dan Ryan.  He can’t stay out of there forever. 

Benny Newell: You don’t get to be the President of Human Resources if you’re not smart.  

Joe Hoffman: SRK didn’t get the job because he was smart, Benny.

Benny Newell: LIES!   SLANDER!  DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER!… AND DON’T CALL HIM SRK!

EIGHT…

NINE…

NINE POINT NINE… Sutler slides into the ring. Ryan advances.  Sutler dances to the side.  He keeps Ryan turning and stepping from side to side as he circles around the ring like a boxer – staying away and picking his spots.  

*POP* Reynolds-Kael darts in – Jui-Jitsu Open palm strike to Ryan’s chest – and darts back out of range.

Sutler keeps away and keeps circling.  

*POP* Reynolds-Kael darts in again – another Jui-Jitsu Open palm strike to Ryan’s chest.  He darts back out of range before Ryan can react.  

*POP* Another Jui-Jitsu Open palm strike to Ryan’s chest.  

More movement. 

*POP* Another Jui-Jitsu Open palm strike and Sutler’s gaining confidence.

*POP* *POP*  He doubles up on the Jui-Jitsu Open palm strikes.  

Ryan doggedly keeps Reynolds-Kael in front of him and waits for an opening. 

Benny Newell: What did I tell you?  

Sutler into the ropes now – basement dropkick nearly buckles the bad knee.   Ryan swipes at him – Sutler scoots clear and gets back to his feet. 

Joe Hoffman: Last week, Arthur Pleasant targeted Dan Ryan’s neck and head.  This week, it’s clear that Sutler Reynolds-Kael came in with a game plan to attack the knee to slow Ryan down. 

Benny Newell: And it’s working to a T.  DRINK!

Again Sutler circles – basement dropkick to the knee.   Ryan grimaces and swipes at him – Sutler scoots clear and gets back to his feet.

Sutler keeps circling as the fans inside the Staples Center urge Ryan on.  Ryan keeps moving towards Sutler, keeping him in his sights.  

Again, in and out.  Sutler to the ropes – basement dropkick to the knee. Ryan grimaces again.  He swipes at him – Sutler scoots clear and gets back to his feet… and slips. 

Joe Hoffman: Sutler Reynolds-Kael lost his footing!

Ryan shoots forward.  Sutler scrambles to his feet.  

Joe Hoffman: And Dan Ryan is right on him!

Benny Newell: Get away from him!

Sutler gets one foot through the ropes hopes Boettcher calls for a break.  

He does.  Ryan ignores him and grabs Sutler.  

Joe Hoffman: Ryan’s got him!

The crowd pops and makes noise in the same way Memphis fans once did when Jerry Lawler got his hands on Andy Kaufman.

Benny Newell: NO!  THAT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!

With the crowd roaring full throttle now, Ryan drags Sutler Reynolds-Kael back into the ring and slams him back first into the corner with malice.  Right hand causes Sutler’s legs to buckle.

A second right hand. 

Third – fourth – fifth…

Joe Hoffman: Dan Ryan going to work on Sutler Reynolds-Kael and the fans are going crazy!

Benny Newell: GET OUT OF THERE!

Ryan drives his shoulder into the midsection – the crowd noise continues to rise as he does it again…

And again…

Four times…

Five times… 

Six times.  

Benny Newell: FUUUUUUCK!  COME ON BOETTCHER!  BREAK ‘EM UP! 

As the HOW faithful fill the Staples Center with a sonic wall of sound, Ryan steps back – Sutler stumbles out of the corner – swings wildly – misses wildly – and falls face first to the mat.  Ryan reaches down and grabs him by his hair.   

Joe Hoffman: Ryan’s picking Sutler up.  

Aching and hurting knee and all, Ryan pulls Sutler up into an inverted position and just holds him up…

Holding…

Holding…

Holding… the blood rushes to Reynolds-Kael’s head 

Wait for it…

Holding…

…

In one swift motion, Ryan turns and plants him head first to the mat

Benny Newell: NOOOOO!  

Joe Hoffman: SCREWDRIVER!

The noise level inside the arena now exceeds ear-bleeding decibel level.  

Benny Newell: DAMMIT! HE CAN’T DO THAT TO THE PRESIDENT OF HUMAN RESOURCES!  

Ryan covers.  

ONE…

TWO…no, Boettcher waves off the count.  

Joe Hoffman: Sutler Reynolds-Kael alertly got his foot on the bottom rope!  

Benny Newell: Thank Lee.  I need a drink. 

Benny guzzles down some Jack Daniels as Ryan whips Sutler to the ropes – lifts him on the return and drives him to the mat. 

Joe Hoffman: SPINEBUSTER!

Ryan hooks the leg.  Benny spews out a stream of whiskey.  

Benny Newell: GET UP!  

The fans again rise up in anticipation.

ONE…

TWO…NO!  Reynolds-Kael kicks out.  

Benny Newell: Oh thank Lee!  

Sutler struggles to get back to his feet.  From behind, Ryan locks the arms.  He lifts and full nelson slams Sutler to the mat.

Joe Hoffman: The ring shook from that one!

Benny Newell: NOOOOO!  Get away from him!  

Yeah, not happening.  

Walking at a deliberate pace, knee still bothering him, Ryan drags Reynolds-Kael up by the hair again.  He chucks Sutler into the ropes and follows – Ryan spins around…

Joe Hoffman: HAMMER OF GoD!

Benny Newell: LEE-DAMMIT!

Joe Hoffman: NO!  HE DUCKED UNDER AT THE LAST SECOND!

Benny Newell: THANK LEE!

Sutler runs the ropes – Ryan starts to turn – Reynolds-Kael goes low and drives his shoulder and forearm into the bad knee.

Joe Hoffman: OH!  Chop block to Ryan and he’s down!  

Benny Newell: DRINK!

Joe Hoffman: That looked nasty.  

Sutler to the top rope.  He flies and drops an elbow right on the knee.  Cover.

ONE… Ryan pushes Sutler off him with great force and the youngster lands several feet away from him.   

Joe Hoffman: It’s going to take a lot more than that to put Dan Ryan down.

Benny Newell: All part of the strategy.  

Sutler crawls back over and goes for his finisher.  He’s tries to get his leg in for the side triangle choke – Ryan pounds him with a right hand – Sutler freezes for a split second – Ryan slams another right hand to Sutler’s face.  Sutler rolls back and out of harm’s way.  

Joe Hoffman: He tried to finish him with the Sutler Method but Dan Ryan put a quick stop to that.  

Benny Newell: SRK’s got this.  Trust the strategy!

Ryan back to his feet – now clearly favoring the knee.  

Both men circle.  

Joe Hoffman: What happens now?

Sutler steps forward to lock up with Ryan.  At the last second, he drops to the mat and spins his leg around to impact the bad knee and take Ryan down. 

Joe Hoffman: That’s a well-executed drop toehold there by Sutler Reynolds-Kael. 

Sutler goes to slap on the triangle choke again – Ryan blocks.  He tries to trap Sutler’s arm for an armbar – Sutler wiggles away.  Sutler stomps at the knee – Ryan evades.  Both men scramble to their feet.  Snap superkick by Sutler – Ryan ducks – Ryan digs his shoulder into Sutler’s midsection and drives him into the corner.  

Joe Hoffman: Even with his knee hurting, Dan Ryan is still strong enough to push Reynolds-Kael around.

Right hand by Ryan.  

Right hand.  

Right hand.  

Ryan roars forward and cuts Sutler down with a clothesline.  

Joe Hoffman: Oh wow.  He did two complete flips in the air and landed hard on his back.  

Ooohs and aaahs come from the crowd.

Benny Newell: I can’t look.  DRINK! 

Ryan goes for the cover.  Sutler pushes away from him and grabs on to the bottom rope.  Boettcher calls for a break.  Ryan again disregards – grabs both legs – the crowd urges him on – he pulls Sutler towards him leaving him hung up in the air. 

Joe Hoffman: That’s not where he wants to be. 

Benny Newell: I can’t look. DRINK!   

One last mighty tug from Ryan and Sutler’s hands release.  He lands hard on his back and the crowd pops again.  Rolling over, Sutler desperately tries to get out of the ring.  Ryan again yanks him right back and stands him up. 

Joe Hoffman: Oh oh.  

Benny Newell: I can’t look.  DRIN- aw fuck, I’m out.

Joe Hoffman: Here you go Benny.

Joe hands him a new bottle of Jack.  Benny takes the bottle and sees a disturbing sight in the ring. 

Benny Newell: Yeah, I can’t look.  

Looking across at the behemoth glaring at him and recognizing the acute danger he finds himself in, Sutler tries an old tried and true trick- he tries to beg off.  

Does it work?

Nope.  Ryan spins him around and locks the arms. He lifts Sutler into the air…

Joe Hoffman: DRAGON SUPLEX! 

…and throws him off to the side as Ryan drops to a knee.  

Joe Hoffman: Dan Ryan’s knee gave out as he took Reynolds-Kael up and over and I don’t think SRK took the full effect of the move.

Benny Newell: Hoffman…

Joe Hoffman: Not now. 

Sutler rolls to the ropes.  He grabs the middle rope and starts to pull himself up. 

Ryan forces himself back up to his feet.  Knee throbbing.  Target in range.  He eyes Sutler as he’s just managed to get back to his feet and leaning back on the corner turnbuckle.  Ryan charges forward. 

Joe Hoffman: HERE HE COMES!

Ryan launches himself – Sutler slips to the side – Ryan hits the corner turnbuckle – backside roll up.

ONE…

TWO…

THREE!

Joe Hoffman: HE GOT HIM!  

*DING-DING-DING*

Benny Newell: Who got what?

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!* 

The dissonant sound of displeasure emanating from the Staples Center answers Benny’s question.  

Benny Newell: HE DID IT!

Boettcher goes to raise Sutler’s hand in victory but he’s gone- nearly running over Bryan McVay in trying to make a hasty exit from the ring.  

Bryan McVay: Your winner.  President of Human Resources, the World’s Greatest Gamer, the Son of Scions and High Octane Wrestling’s Employee of the Week… SUTLER REYNOLDS-KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEL!

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!*

Joe Hoffman: Sutler Reynolds-Kael has just picked up his biggest win yet in High Octane Wrestling.

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!*

Benny Newell: FUCK YEAH!  DRINNNNNNK!

Joe watches the replay. 

Joe Hoffman: At the last possible second, Sutler moved, Ryan hit the turnbuckle and recoiled back. Reynolds-Kael slipped in behind and rolled Ryan up.  He twisted the knee he’d worked the entire match, grabbed a handful of tights, and held on for dear life. 

The fans continue to vent their anger at the match result as Reynolds-Kael scampers back up the ramp and turns around to greet his ‘adoring’ fans… and duck the debris being hurled at him.  Seeing Dan Ryan glaring at him from in the ring, Sutler quickly high-tails it toward the back– at the top of the ramp, he turns around and defiantly raises his arms, celebrating his shocking win as Refueled leaves the air.