The HOTV.ONLINE logo gives way and we cut to an overhead shot of Madison Square Garden where the High Octane Wrestling logo can be seen covering the top of the famous arena.
As the shot pans across the top of the arena we see 97red lighting pulsating the entire city block and then the shot zooms out to show a path of 97red street lights leading a direct path to Times Square where the LSD number one contenders match will take place over a mile away from MSG.
The feed then cuts to waves crashing against the shores of Liberty Island. As the shot pans up the 305 foot Statue of Liberty comes into focus. As the camera continues to pan from the base to the torch, we see that lighting at the base and even the torch at the top of the Statue is emitting 97red light.
The shot circles the top of the Statue of Liberty and then begins heading back over the water and the USS Octane comes into focus along with the HOFC octagon that will house the main event of the evening.
We see a final shot of the HOFC logo before the video ends and we cut live inside Madison Square Garden for the beginning of March to Glory.
All Eyes on Me
We cut inside the famed Madison Square Garden arena and we immediately cut inside the office of the GOD of HOW…..Lee Best.
We see Lee sitting once again behind his mahogany desk with his bodyguard Redrum standing to his right. He is not alone however as the entire Best Alliance is standing in front of him.
Lee Best: Gents tonight is going to be night folks will be talking about for a very long time as the company makes its final push towards the ultimate Blaze of Glory. Tonight we WILL see the Best Alliance retain the Tag Team Championships…..
Jatt and Sektor smirk as the pat the Tag Titles belts they are holding.
Lee Best:……..tonight we WILL see Linzee Troi left in a bloody heap and once again have the words EQUAL RIGHTS BITCH whispered into her ear….
Everyone looks to Solex who has ALL the HGH flowing thru his veins…
Lee Best:……….tonight we will see Steve Harrison whip the every living shit out of the ultimate charity case named Bobby Dean. That fat fuck’s days of being given shit because he is fat and funny are over….
The squad looks to Harrison who is also sporting the mandatory HOW smirk as he nods in agreement…
Lee Best:……and finally……..my Tax Man…….Hughie Freeman will take the fight to the streets of New York City and ensure that none of those assholes can come for the LSD Championship that Jatt holds…..win or lose….I want CARNAGE Hughie…..fucking carnage……
Everyone turns to Hughie who tips his hat up and is smiling ear to ear as he motions to Lee and the group that he wants ALL the money.
The blind GOD of HOW stands up and slowly takes his glasses off and the group is taken aback by what they see as the leader of The Best Alliance and all things High Octane begins to speak…
Lee Best: Tonight you ALL know what the fuck to do and I will say this one time and one time only….I do NOT want anyone fucking interfering in any matches tonight. You all are on your own from bell to bell and tonight the world is reintroduced to the force that kickstarted this company all those years ago and will be the reason this thing ends when it does…..Jatt knows more than anyone else here……tonight everyone gets reeducated on what it means to go against The Best Alliance…..tonight we make it clear that EVERYTHING goes thru The Best Alliance on the road to Glory. Everything.
The camera slowly zooms into the recently bruised and bloody eyes of Lee as we fade out.
Cancer Jiles vs. Michael Lee Best
The action cuts to the Hall of Fame announce team who are back at their customary ringside announce table for tonight’s event.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome everyone to MARCH TO GLORY!!!! We are LIVE here in the most famous arena in the w-
Benny Newell: Second most. Come on Joe. You really going to fuck up this early in the show?
Joe looks at Benny who gives him an ugly stare and Joe remembers who signs his checks before continuing.
Joe Hoffman: The SECOND most famous arena in the world…Madison Square Garden. Apologies for that….but moving on……tonight live here on High Octane Television we bring you the finals of The DeNucci Cup as our main event features Dan Ryan and Michael Lee Best fighting for the right to be the first HOFC Champion of this Refueled era and of course the winner of the first ever DeNucci Cup.
Benny Newell: Kostoff.
Joe Hoffman: Huh?
Benny Newell: Oh….ya Dan Ryan apparently hates being compared to the first ballot HOW Hall of Famer Chris Kostoff so ya…….Kostoff.
Joe looks perplexed at Benny as its already a chore to stay on task tonight.
Joe Hoffman: BUT before we get to the Main Event we have a ton of action that will see a new LSD No.1 Contender named in a New York City Street Fight and as we just heard in the Best Alliance pep talk all eyes will be on new BA member Hughie Freeman who is the ultimate wildcard as he makes his return to action here tonight.
Benny Newell: The LSD Championship will remain in the Best Alliance and that is all that matters.
Joe Hoffman: There is no doubt that Lee is angling to make sure The Best Alliance has its hands on or near every championship in HOW…..and that has been the case since we debuted in October of 2002. Nothing has changed almost 20 years later.
Benny Newell: He is a giving GOD. What do you expect?
Joe Hoffman: Well folks we have a TON of action tonight and it appears it is time for our opening contest of the night……a Steel Cage match for the High Octane World Championship……cue the steel cage descending from the heavens music.
The arena goes dark and a single spotlight shines from above as the fans jump up to their feet and begin cheering loudly as the steel cage slowly begins to lower from the top of the arena.
As it continues to lower Joe continues to hype the match.
Joe Hoffman: At Refueled 55 we saw Dan Ryan defeat Cancer Jiles to earn the right to have his match versus Michael be the Main Event tonight and that is why we are opening up with the World Championship match. One has to wonder how Jiles is feeling as he is coming off losses to Mike and Dan Ryan the last two times he was in the ring.
Benny Newell: We shall see. I honestly do not see how he can have any confidence but the WHOLE world knows that this is his one and only chance….so we shall see…..but I already made a bet with the HOG’s and snagged Michael on the odds that were released on the last High Octane Radio show.
Joe Hoffman: You backing a Best? Imagine that. Predictable. Tracks.
Benny Newell: Did you just…..wait….nah….no way…..
The announcers voices fade out as we cut back to the ring where the crew have finally secured the cage to the ring and Matt Boettcher has entered the action.
Joe Hoffman: Earlier tonight we saw HOWrestling.com release an image of the crew working on the set up tonight and you cannot discount the need for proper testing by the crew before the big event.
Benny Newell: Ya. They did their job. Great. Glad they are OSHA certified.
Joe Hoffman: Matt Boettcher is currently in the ring but he will not remain in there. Tonight’s steel cage match can only be won by escaping the cage. No pinfalls. No Submissions. No Disqualifications. The ONLY rule is you must escape to retain or win the Championship. So with that said Boettcher will be the referee outside the ring watching to see who gets both feet on the arena floor first to win the match.
Benny Newell: Spoiler…..Mike will knee the fuck out of Jiles and walk out the door to retain. Trust me. That knee ends the match tonight…..I wonder if there is a prop bet on that very thing happening tonight? Someone get the HOG’s on the phone.
“I Am The Cool” by Jay Hawkins hits the MSG PA system and the crowd turns their attention towards the entrance ramp as the challenger Cool Cancer Jiles makes his way out.
Jiles has his shades on and he takes in the moment as he looks both left and right at the nearly sold out arena. After a few moments he takes a deep breath and makes his way down towards the ring as the crowd is cheering for the clear underdog tonight.
Joe Hoffman: One has to wonder if this is even one of those matches where Jiles can increase in stock with the fans even in a losing effort. He has been on the brink of singles success here in HOW before but has always shot himself in the foot. One has to wonder if the crowd will still be behind him if he loses.
Benny Newell: Well he is clearly losing so its up to him how he handles the loss tonight. There is no doubt that he has picked up the effort recently but how long will that last? I mean just look at any of the bandits to find that fucking answer. Because they are funny they get a pass for being complete and utter assholes who have always wasted their fucking talent. I mean for fucks sake this asshole is getting a World Championship match and he cannot even win a match to make it the Main Event. Fuck this dude.
Joe Hoffman: Alright then…..I guess we know where Benny stands tonight.
Before Benny can retort……
HALLLLLLELUJAH! HALLLLLLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLEEEEEEEELUJAH! The catchy but vaguely off putting groove of Hanzel und Gretyl’s “HELLAlujah” begins to slap over the sound system, heralding the arrival of the SON OF GOD and HOW World Champion, Michael Lee Best.
The always polarizing wrestling veteran steps out slowly onto the stage, making his way toward the ramp. He holds the HOW World Championship into the air on the stage, staring out into the crowd as he stares down at the steel cage that awaits him.
He puts the World Championship back on his shoulder and slowly makes his way down towards the ring.
Joe Hoffman: And he comes the World Champion Michael Lee Best. This man has to wrestle in the first and last matches of the evening and he has made it clear that tonight might very well be the last time anyone sees him wrestle in a HOW ring.
Benny Newell: Well let’s be honest….Lee will NOT let that happen. After tonight Michael will surpass Jatt Starr as the greatest High Octane Wrestler of all time and I do not give a fuck if he loses both matches tonight…that wont change that fact….but he’s not….so move the fuck on. This dude is NOT retiring tonight. No way. I do not give two fucks what the shitty discords say.
Joe Hoffman: There is definitely something brewing here in High Octane Wrestling and that something is the amount of talent now on the roster and one has to wonder just how many of the new guys are just dying to get a shot at going toe to toe with the SON of GOD.
The camera cuts to the ringside where Mike is seen running his hand across the steel mesh of the cage as he takes a full lap around the ring….never taking his eyes off of Jiles.
He stops at the ring step, which has been moved to align with the cage door which is in turn aligned with the bottom of the entrance ramp, and slowly enters the steel cage.
Joe Hoffman: Normally we are in Chicago and there would be nothing but cheers but tonight…….well to be honest there is some real boos for Mike. It appears that outside of Chicago he might be as respected and loved as we all thought.
Benny Newell: Fuck New York. They are still bitter that Chicago pizza is better. Fuck em…..LETS FUCKING GO JOE!!!
Mike turns to Boettcher and hands him the World Championship and heads to the far turnbuckle.
Boettcher steps to the middle of the ring and holds the championship high in the air and the crowd cheers loudly as it is time for March to Glory to officially begin.
Senior referee Boettcher quickly jogs to the cage door and hands the belt to a crewman and then heads back in to check that both men are ready.
Satisfied…….Boettcher exits the ring and padlocks the steel cage door behind him and signals for the bell….
Joe Hoffman: HERE WE GO FOLKS!!!!!
Benny Newell: Wait….why the fuck did he padlock the door….I thought it was escape only?
Joe goes to answer but he has nothing.
Joe Hoffman: I am being told in my ear that Lee has demanded that the cage be locked for the first 10 minutes of the match as he does not want Jiles just running out of the ring. So there ya go Benny….we get 10 minutes of action before anyone can escape.
Benny Newell: So they could just climb the fuck outta the ring??
Joe again has no answer. Like nothing.
Joe Hoffman: Well I have just been informed via a very angry blind GOD that if anyone escapes in the first 10 minutes of the match they will lose the match…so ya there you go Benny.
It appears as Boettcher has just received word of that ruling as well and he unlocks the door and quickly gives Jiles and Mike the news. Both men smirk and nod their heads in approval and as Bryan McVay gets on a mic and tells the crowd about the new twist in the rules we see a ten minute timer show up on all the screens in the arena.
Joe Hoffman: Ok its sorted then…and it appears Mike and Jiles are ready to tear into each other before Benny can find another loop hole in tonight’s match.
Benny Newell: Drinking pays off Benny….it pays the fuck off.
Back in the ring the champion and challenger are circling each other as the timer starts. After a few rotations both men lock up and neither man is able to gain an advantage and after a few moments they push off each other and begin the process all over.
Joe Hoffman: Both men are the same height and only six pounds separates the men so it will be hard to see either man overpowering the other.
Benny Newell: Look these two fuckers have always done what’s necessary to win. I highly doubt we are ever going to see a big power move win a match for either one of them. It’s the knee of Mike versus the bottom of JIle’s foot. Its that simple.
Joe Hoffman: I would counter that over the years that we have seen Mike outsmart many an opponent. But you are right….this is not going to be about power.
Back in the ring both men lock up again and once again neither man gains an advantage. As they push off each other it is Jiles who quickly acts first as he gouges at the eyes of the Son and Mike backs up quickly as he tries to gather his sight.
Jiles does not allow Mike any breathing room however and he quickly follows up with a wicked knife edge chop that sends Mike all the way back against the ropes. Unable to see, Mike is unable to dodge the next chop as well and his chest is already turning a bright red.
Mike stumbles to the far corner, trying to buy himself some time, but Jiles is relentless as he stalks the champion and nails a throat punch to the Son of GOD who quickly falls to one knee trying to now catch his breath AND his vision.
Joe Hoffman: Everything is legal here folks and Jiles is not wasting anytime to show that he will do ANYTHING to win this match.
Benny Newell: It is early Joe…..I will be sitting here sipping on my drink waiting on the big comeback. Let me know when the match hits that point.
Joe Hoffman: How do you know Mike will have a comeback??
Benny just starts laughing and takes a drink as Joe shakes his head and keeps calling the action.
Back inside the ring Jiles has just finished bouncing Mike’s head off the steel cage. Mike elbows Jiles in the ribs and gains himself some breathing room and he stumbles to the next turnbuckle, using the ropes as a guide as he is finally starting to get his vision back.
That is short lived however as Jiles delivers an overhead right hand to the Champion and once again Mike is on the defensive as he tries to cover up as more right hands are thrown in a flurry by the challenger.
Joe Hoffman: Well its clear that Jiles is bringing everything that he has to the fight tonight.
Benny Newell: Just tell me when Joe…till then…..all you. Its going to be a LONG night and I gotta pace myself if I am going to remember Mike holding both belts up at the end of the night.
Joe gives Benny a sarcastic thumbs up and focuses in on the action in the ring where Mike is now stumbling to the next turnbuckle….once again using the ropes to help him.
This time Jiles does not wait for Mike to get to the corner as he nails Mike from behind with a perfect chop block to the back of the left knee of the champion. The force of the blows causes Mike to fall awkwardly to his knees and he rolls in paid as he grabs at his knee.
Joe Hoffman: Complete domination here by Jiles as he is using every dirty trick in the book and once has to wonder if Mike is going to be ok for the HOFC Championship match later tonight aboard the USS Octane.
There is no comments from Benny and taps his wrist to indicate that its not time yet…
Joe Hoffman: No Benny….Mike has not made a comeback yet. Way to earn your check.
The feed on HOTv suddenly cuts to a split screen showcasing the clock which is down to six minutes remaining until an escape can happen.
The feed then goes back to full screen as we see Jiles climb quickly to the second turnbuckle and jumps off and nails an elbow to the left knee of Mike. The champion screams out in pain as he rolls to the middle of the ring holding his leg.
The camera zooms on Jiles who is smiling from ear to ear as he stalks the Champion.
He pends down to pull Mike up to his feet and as the champion makes his to his knees Jiles rears back and nails Mike with a viscious headbutt and Mike falls backward once again.
Joe Hoffman: Although Mike has been on the ropes before in a big match….one has to wonder if this is going to end differently as he HAS to be thinking about Dan Ryan later in the match and its not a secret that EVERYONE thinks Mike is more concerned about becoming the HOFC Champion.
Benny Newell: Did you say when? No? Then shut the fuck up Joe.
Back in the ring we see Jiles pull Mike back up to his knees and again goes for a headbutt but this time Mike is able to nail Jiles with a low blow and the challenger falls to his knees in pain and Mike follows it up with a headbutt of his own and now its Jiles on his back as the World Champion staggers to his feet.
As Mike finally gets to his feet he looks down at Jiles and promptly punts the man in the stomach out of clear frustration of how the match has gone down so far.
Joe Hoffman: When
Benny Newell: Huh?
Joe Hoffman: Here comes Mike’s comeback. When.
Benny Newell: LETS FUCKING GO!!!!!!!
Back in the ring Mike shakes his left leg out as he looks up at the screen and sees there are only three minutes left before the timer goes off for the cage to be unlocked.
With a smirk, Mike picks Jiles up to where the man is on his knees and once again the Champion repays the challenger with another headbutt.
The force of the blow busts Mike’s head open after having it already softened up during the first several minutes of the match.
Mike wipes the blood from his forehead and motions for Jiles to get up. The crowd stands as one as Mike is clearly ramping up for his I KNEED A HERO running shining wizard finisher.
Benny Newell: MIKE BEST COMEBACK ACTIVATED. MATCH STRATEGY 101 ASSHOLES!!!
Sure enough as Jiles gets up to one knee Mike runs at the challenger and nails him with his finisher.
Joe Hoffman: I KNEED A HERO!!!!
Jiles is out down on the mat as Mike slowly gets up to his feet and sees that there is still over a minute left before the steel cage gets unlocked.
Smiling, Mike motions to the nearest hard camera and holds up his index finger, signaling that is finisher number one.
Benny Newell: Two more to go Joe!!!!
Joe Hoffman: Huh?
Benny Newell: Maybe you should pay attention….Mike straight up told Jile’s bitch ass that he would hit him with three knees tonight before winning the match. Three minus one is two Joe. Cmon!
Joe can only shake his head as he we look back in the ring as Jiles has slowly crawled his way to the nearest set of ropes and is using the bottom rope to pull himself up.
Mike looks at the man and gives him a golf clap….clearly mocking the effort of the challenger.
As Jiles makes it back to his feet and turns he has not time to dodge the rushing World Champion who delivers ANOTHER I KNEED A HERO knee to the forehead of Jiles causing the challengers head to bounce violently backwards and against the steel mesh of the steel cage.
Jiles slumps to the canvas falling face forward and exposing the back of his now bleeding head.
Mike is bouncing back and forth as if he was named after a certain F5 button on a keyboard and motions once again to the camera…..this time holding up two fingers.
Just as he does………the timer on the screens hits all zeros and the crowd erupts as now anyone can win the match.
All attention turns towards Matt Boettcher who is unlocking the steel cage. As the lock comes off he opens the door and signals to everyone that the first one to escape will be declared the winner of the match.
Joe Hoffman: Two finishers from Mike and Jiles is barely breathing…let alone moving…..and all Mike has to do is walk out.
Benny Newell: Three Joe. He promised three Knees and we already know that he is NOT going to exit that steel cage until that shit happens. Son of GOD 101.
Benny is right as Mike waves off the door opening and turns back towards Jiles. The challenger is NOT moving however. Frustrated, Mike walks over the man and slaps him hard across the face.
Finally Jiles begins to stir and Mike pulls him up by the hair and leans the man up against the steel cage and takes several steps backwards…..clearly setting up for a third knee…..as promised.
Joe Hoffman: Logic dictates that Mike only needs to literally turn around and take two steps to exit the steel cage and win this match….which means I am getting a bad vibe that he is going to miss an opportunity here to win.
Benny Newell: Three Joe. Just wait. No 97red herrings here…..
On the far side of the ring Jiles is slowly gathering himself, much to the thanks of Mike slapping him back into consciousness. As he looks around and looks across the ring he sees Mike once again charging at him.
As Mike jumps to deliver the third knee the whole arena and those watching at home could see what is going to happen next…..
Joe Hoffman: Jiles DUCKED!!!!!!
Mike’s knee crashes hard against the steel of the cage and he bounces backwards violently back to the center of the ring as Jiles is seen smiling while lying on his stomach……clearly missing a death sentence by the narrowest of margins.
Joe Hoffman: EVERYONE knew that was going to happen the minute Mike refused to just walk out of the damn ring and win the match. EVERYONE! I am trying to unbiased here but this is just FRUSTRATING as all hell to watch when you KNEW that was going to happen. Greed is NOT GOOD!!!
Benny Newell: Simmer down Joe. You honestly think Jiles even knows where the fuck he is right now? Cmon. Look Mike is already getting up to his feet.
Sure enough in the center of the ring Mike is back to his feet and this time he is standing on two damaged knees. One that got worked over by Jiles earlier in the match and now one damaged by his own doing.
Mike begins to hobble towards Jiles but as he gets near Jiles leaps forward from his stomach and drives his right shoulder into the right knee of Best and the Champion goes down.
Jiles slowly gets up to his knees and pulls Mike up to his knees as well and finally delivers the headbutt he wanted to land several and two knees from Mike ago.
Smiling, Jiles slowly gets up to his feet and grabs the back of his head and for the first time sees that he is bleeding as his hand is covered in blood from touching the back of his head.
Now it is Jiles who looks at the door and then back at Mike.
Joe Hoffman: Just exit the damn cage and become World Champion Jiles!!!! NOW IS YOUR CHANCE!!!
But Jiles is not listening to Hoffman or anyone else as he is clearly wanting to win this match but just not escaping.
Jiles motions for Mike to get to his feet. In fact he demands it as he begins screaming at Mike to get to his feet.
Joe Hoffman: Mike clearly got to Jiles earlier this week when he made that comment about Jiles being able to win just by escaping and not even pinning the Champion….as if that would devalue a Jiles victory.
Benny Newell: To be the man you gotta beat the man…….NOT escape from the man.
Joe Hoffman: I get that but for EVERYTHING that Jiles has been thru……I mean……walk out…win the belt and give Mike a rematch in a standard match after the PPV if that’s what you want….why even gamble on it now???
Back in the ring Mike is slowly getting to his knees and as he does Jiles hops forward and nails his Terminal Cancer superkick finisher.
The World Champion falls backwards with his knees still bent underneath him.
Joe Hoffman: NEW CHAMPION!!!!!!!!!NEW CHAMPION!!!!!
Jiles begins walking towards the steel cage door and takes a step out on the ringstep and looks back at Mike and then at the hard camera that is pointed at him as he begins to walk down the ringsteps.
Jiles stops at the bottom step and looks at the camera and takes a deep breath.
He then holds up his index finger and mouths the words “That’s one….two to go”
Jiles then turns and climbs back into the ring….
Joe Hoffman: What the literal fuck….I mean COME ON!!!???
Benny Newell: Did you just say the big naughty??
Joe slams his headset down on the announce table and stands up and for the first time in maybe forever…….Benny is alone on commentary.
Benny Newell: Well Joe is in his feelings and Jiles is in for a world of regret for what he just pulled.
Back in the ring Jiles is screaming for Mike to get up and the World Champion is slowly moving as he finally was able to get his legs out from under him.
Not wanting to wait, Jiles walks up to Mike and pulls him up to his feet and grabs him by the back of his head and runs with the man and forces him to fly head first into the steel cage.
Jiles picks him back up and drags the mans face across the steel mesh of the cage once again and once again Mike’s forehead begins bleeding. Jiles does not let go of the back of head of the champion as he turns and runs towards the center of the ring and delivers and running bulldog driving Mike’s head into the canvas.
Back at the announce table Joe has put his headset back on.
Joe Hoffman: Jiles clearly softening up Mike for another two superkicks but I just don’t understand why. These guys and their damn pride. I swear.
To back up Joe’s thinking back in the ring Jiles has backed up to the far side of the ring, his back literally against the ropes and just behind that an open door to victory, and signals for Mike to get to his feet to eat superkick number two.
Slowly in the middle of the ring Mike gets to his feet. Jiles screams TWO at Mike and the World Champion gives the challenger two middle fingers as Jiles delivers another Terminal Cancer superkick.
The force of the blow sends Mike flying backwards off the ropes and as he bounces off the ropes Mike jumps in desperation fashion and nails Jiles with his I KNEED A HERO finisher.
Benny Newell: THREE!!!!!! THREE!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: AFTER A SECOND TERMINAL CANCER THE WORLD CHAMPION JUST DELIVERED HIS THIRD KNEED A HERO!!!!!
Mike, clearly woozy from the second superkick, looks up from the mat and holds up three fingers and begins laughing.
Bryan McVay: WINNER OF THE MATCH AND NEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Mike jumps to attention shocked and looks around and Jiles is nowhere to be seen.
Joe Hoffman: MIKE JUST KNEED JILES THRU THE ROPES AND THRU THE OPEN DOOR!!!!! JILES HIT THE ARENA FLOOR……JILES IS THE NEW CHAMPION!!!!!!!!!!
Benny Newell: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The cameras pan to Jiles who is out cold on the Madison Square Garden floor and then cuts to Mike Best lying in the ring with his face in the canvas…..still holding up his three fingers.
The crowd is in complete shock as the cage begins to raise as Boettcher hands the World Championship to the knocked out Jiles.
Replays begins playing on repeat showing the final sequence of superkick, followed by knee, and then Jiles flying thru the middle rope and rolling down the stairs to the arena floor.
Joe Hoffman: I need a cigarette.
The action cuts away as we get another replay of the events and the lingering question of how Mike will fare in the Main Event now.
Conor Fuse vs. High Flyer
Back live and we cut to Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell, the latter of the two appears turned to the side slipping a mirror into his pocket while absently rubbing at his nose.
Joe Hoffman: Up next we have a young up and comer Conor Fuse looking to climb the rankings here in High Octane Wrestling as he takes on veteran talent “High Flyer” Jack Harmen. This should be a spirited competition, wouldn’t you agree Benny?
Turning to stare at Joe, Benny’s eyes appear bloodshot while traces of white powder around his nose leave the tell tale signs of Colombian Marching Powder.
Benny Newell: WellHoffmanIhavetosaythatIthinkthiswillbe a REAAAAAAAAL good bout….MIKE IS GOING TO RETAIN!!
Joe Hoffman: Benny, that was last match, this is Fuse vs. Flyer.
Benny Newell: Holy shit I was really hoping to black out quickly after that bullshit in the opener.
Joe Hoffman: ..honestly I have no idea how to answer that. Listen, Fuse or High Flyer? Who is winning in your expe- In your opinion.
Thinking about it for a moment, Newell shrugs and looks back toward the camera.
Benny Newell: I’m calling the Hollywood Bruvs.
Flashing a smile and a thumbs up at the screen Benny snorts very loudly. Joe stares at him for a few seconds before turning back toward the camera with a dumbstruck expression.
ALL ABOARD! HA-HA-HA-HA-HAaaaa..
The drums and guitar riff of “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osborne cranks over the P.A. system of Madison Square Garden as the crowd comes alive, rising to their feet. As the lyrics of the classic rock song echoes over the lively audience they join in as they fill the air with their voices. Fog pours over the stage as lights crackle overhead adding a psychedelic feel to the whole thing.
Like a homicidal train gone completely off the rails High Flyer parts the smoke like Mose parting the Red Sea, right as another guitar riff hits allowing the crowd to roar. Jack gives the crowd a passing glance as he throws up a pair of devil’s horns before stomping his way toward the ring with a sly smile pulled across his face.
Upon reaching the ring he quickly rolls beneath the bottom rope and into the center of the ring where we get a top down look at the madman from above.
Bryan McVay: Introducing first, from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, standing 6’ and weighing in at 224 pounds..
High Flyer begins to immediately kick his arms and feet out as if he were making an angel in fresh snow all the while a maddened grin is on his face.
Bryan McVay: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYER!
Kipping up to his feet Jack and smoothly floats to the corner, ascending and posing as he stares out over the crowd as they continue to sing along with “Crazy Train” which slowly fades away.
Bryan McVay: And his opponent…
The retro sound of “Flying Battery Zone Act 1” from Sonic Mania pumps into Madison Square Garden as the intense techno beat replaces the classic sound of guitar riffs and Ozzy Osbourne’s gnarly voice. Appearing from the back in a purple hoodie with SNES inspired “Vintage” tights is the video game viscount Conor Fuse, a purple arm sleeve on his left arm which he raises into the air as he makes his way to the ring, the crowd cheering him almost as loudly as they were for High Flyer.
Bryan McVay: From Toronto, Ontario, Canada, standing 6’1’’ and weighing in at 210 pounds..
Conor pauses as he reaches the ring at the center of the Square Garden, his eyes turning to take in the view from all directions, gathering himself before leaping up onto the apron. From the shadows of his hood Fuse locks eyes with Harmen, the two staring each other down. A wicked grin curls onto Harmen’s lips as he cracks his neck.
Bryan McVay: COOOOOOOOONOR FUUUUUUU-
Before Bryan can finish he is roughly shoved out of the way by High Flyer who then charges full force at Fuse. The wily young talent isn’t caught off guard, however, grabbing the top rope, dropping it down as Harmen flies over the top!
Joe Hoffman: Bryan McVay better get out of there because this thing is already off!
Benny Newell: That fucking nut High Flyer is living up to his name already! DRINK!
High Flyer easily clears the top rope, tucking his body and rolling in the air, gracefully landing on his feet before turning toward Conor. Tearing his hoodie away Conor Fuse mirrors Harmen’s demented grin with one of his own, lauching himself of the side of the ring at his opponent.
Joe Hoffman: High Flyer is not giving Conor any chance here deciding to go on the offensive before the bell even rings!
Benny Newell: This is High Octane Wrestling, the minute you arrive you are taking your life into your own hands!
Joe Hoffman: You’ve got a point I suppose but you can’t beat a man if the match hasn’t started.
Benny NewellL No but you can BEAT a man! DRINK!
The experienced veteran High Flyer is ready as Fuse attempts the head scissor, lowering his center of gravity before swinging Fuse head first into the side of the ring! His body crumbles to the ground, the music dying out as High Flyer immediately slips beneath the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Where is Flyer going?
Benny Newell: That fucking lunatic is probably think’s he has another match to attend beneath the ring!
Inside the ring Joel Hortega barks orders in Spanish though it doesn’t appear that either men are listening. Conor climbs to his feet holding his head appearing to tighten the blue bandana he is wearing while also searching for High Flyer. He doesn’t have to search for long as High Flyer appears once again holding a steel chair in his hand and a devious look on his face.
Joe Hoffman: Referee Joel Hortega doing everything he can to get this match to start but it looks like Flyer has something else in mind stalking Conor with that steel chair!
Benny Newell: This is why experience always beats youth, Hoffman, Steel Chairs get Degrees!
Joe Hoffman: What does that even mean?
Benny Newell: If you did a lot of cocaine like a cool guy you’d get the joke, Hoffman!
Instead of striking Conor, Jack throws the chair down at Conor’s feet and begins to demand that he pick it up. The fans in the arena seem to be in agreement with High Flyer, all of them joining in a chant of “PICK IT UP!” all while Hortega continues to plead in Spanish for both men to get into the ring so the match can officially start. Unsure at first Conor stares incredulously at the grisly veteran before finally giving in, snatching the chair up before lifting it as though he is prepared to strike High Flyer.
Joe Hoffman: I don’t know about everybody else but it looks like High Flyer WANTS Conor to hit him..
Benny Newell: High Flyer is a complet fucking nutball, you know I heard he was one of sadomasocists, I made the mistake of dating one of those once. She was a pain in my ass all the time!
Joe Hoffman: I don’t want to kno-
Benny Newell: Cause she pegged me!
Jack shows no fear, in fact he looks even more excited, his grin spreading even wider. He pulls his hands behind his back and nods his head, his voice getting higher and louder screaming HIT ME! DO IT! The arena once again seems incredibly invested in following High Flyer’s command as a chant of “DO IT!” starts out low and begins to grow.
Joe Hoffman: The HOW Crowd is calling for violence..
Conor raises the chair higher as High Flyer drops down to his knees, his hands lifted up as though he were praying.
Benny Newell: JUST DO IT!
Fuse turns to look at the crowd then back down at Jack whose smile has taken on an uncomfortable appearance.
Joe Hoffman: Is he going to do it!?
The Video Game Virtuoso swings the chair down at the head of High Flyer roaring loudly as he does so, a savage cry echoing around the arena!
Despite his speed Conor’s savagery is trumped by a well prepared High Flyer who rolls to the side. The force of the chair striking the crowd reverberates up Conor’s hands and into his wrists causing him to drop the chair in pain! In one smooth action High Flyer snatches up the chair and spins his body..
Joe Hoffman: A swing and a miss spells ruin for Conor Fuse!
Benny Newell: What an idiot!
The chair connects with the side of Conor’s head causing him to collapse once again to the ground as Jack cackles maniacally to himself. Tossing the chair to the side High Flyer picks up Conor’s body, rolling him into the ring as he follows, slapping both of his hands together finishing Mission Accomplished. Hortega thanks him in Spanish and calls for the bell.
DING DING DING!
Joe Hoffman: At last this match is finally underway!
Benny Newell: And it might already be over too!
Hortega immediately drops for the cover!
Flyer doesn’t seem bothered by the near fall, the malicious grin still on his face, shrugging as he climbs back up to his feet. Conor begins to slowly crawl toward the nearby corner causing Flyer to lay in a series of boots to his kidneys and spine. As Conor nears the corner High Flyer kicks him onto his back and puts the boot to his throat choking his opponent while Hortega admonishes and threatens a count.
Joe Hoffman: High Flyer picking at the bones of an already devastated Conor Fuse after he took that vicious chair shot.
Benny Newell: It’s called strategy, that’s how High Flyer has stayed in this sport for so long Hoffman! DRINK!
Flyer rides the count for as long as he can before backing off with a smirk. Staring down at Conor as he gasps for breath Flyer seems to goad him, shouting down at him while sending a few errand kicks to the back of his head, more of an annoyance than damaging. Climbing to his feet slowly Conor backs up into the corner to catch a moment to collect his thoughts as High Flyer mocks him. Charging into the corner High Flyer looks to connect with a clothesline however it is Conor’s turn to surprise the veteran as he slips between the ropes to the side of the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Conor’s speed proving he is just a little faster that High Flyer, I think he might just be a little faster than Jack who might have lost a step or two as he has gotten older.
Benny Newell: What he lost in speed he makes up for in pure fucking insanity! HIT HIM WITH SOMETHING!
Slamming chest first into the corner Flyer stumbles stunned only to catch a kick to the back of his head as Conor fires one over the top rope! Conor follows up the kick by flipping over the ropes, catching Flyer with a stiff DDT! Conor quickly hooks the leg..
Joe Hoffman: Conor with a quick DDT and a pinfall attempt!
Joe Hoffman: No! A kick out by Jack means this match will continue!
Benny Newell: What the fuck else is it supposed to mean!?
The crowd lets out a collective cry when Flyer kicks out though Fuse doesn’t let up the pressure. Dragging Flyer up to his feet he sends him into the ropes before catching him with a spinning slingblade, both men crashing down to the mat. He’s swiftly back up to his feet and as soon as Flyer is back vertical he catches a picture perfect dropkick to the chest that sends him back down to the mat.
Joe Hoffman: Great elevation from Fuse as he hits a textbook drop kick on Harmen!
Benny Newell: ..whatever
The crowd is enthusiastically behind Conor, chanting his name while he chains together a series of aggressive Northern Light Suplexes, maintaining control of Flyer on each Suplex. After a third Fuse switches his position and executes a release German Suplex that folds High Flyer in half.
Joe Hoffman: Incredible chain wrestling combination from Fuse!
Kipping back up to his feet to the roar of the crowd, Conor Fuse points at Flyer.
Joe Hoffman: He is calling for his Weapon Get special attack!
Benny Newell: This is so fucking stupid, Hoffman! STUPID! And infringement!
Swinging his hand down toward Flyer he aims to chop the prone veteran however Jack quickly intercepts the hand! The two struggle against each other as Conor pushes his hand down toward Flyer’s chest before the wild eyed Harmen manages to twist his body driving the WEAPON GET powered hand down into the mat! Conor staggers back clutching his misfired WEAPON GET hand as Flyer slips behind him..
Joe Hoffman: The wily veteran strikes back and catches his opponent off guard!
Benny Newell: Experience beats youth, Hoffman! COCAINE, CRAZY TRAIN, BUTANE, MOVE TO MAINE!
Conor is folded in half by Flyer before instinctually rolling to the outside of the ring, his body collapsing to the ground. Jack smirks in the ring as he casually climbs out of the ring and grabs the chair he had used earlier on Conor. He tosses the chair at Fuse who manages to knock it away however it is all a ruse as Flyer launches himself forward connecting with a Lou Thez Press riding Fuse to the ground while raining down fists.
Joe Hoffman: Flyer is mounting his offensive on the outside of the ring once again where he has proven to be very dangerous!
Benny Newell: Fuck him up! DRINK!
Flyer then retrieves his chair, setting it up against the steel barricade before dragging Conor up to his feet. Plopping him down into the chair Flyer lays into him with a few more right hands before jumping back up onto the apron..
Joe Hoffman: High Flyer showing why he’s called a such! BIG TIME RISK!
Conor dodges out of the way as Flyer crashes down into the chair and metal barricade, his body twisted and crumbling with the steel as the fans look on in horror!
Joe Hoffman: OH GOD! Oh sweet Jesus have mercy, High Flyer just crashed and burned!
Benny Newell: Is it too late to change my prediction?
Dragging High Flyer’s body from the wreckage Conor rolls him back into the ring, dragging him into the nearby corner where he props the lifeless body. He lifts his hand high into the air once again.
Joe Hoffman: Once again Conor is calling for the Weapon Get!
This time the crowd joins in as Conor Fuse slaps the hand down on High Flyer’s chest before charging to the other side of the ring. As he charges forward High Flyer seems to open his arms welcoming the attack.
Joe Hoffman: Can Conor Fuse connect with High Flyer’s Locomotion?!
Fuse connects with the Yakuza Kick turning Flyer’s head backward as he crumbles to the mat! Conor drops down and hooks the leg!
Joe Hoffman: HE DID IT! HE CONNECTED! HIGH FLYER IS DOWN!
Joe Hoffman: I can’t believe it! I thought that was over, incredible ring awareness by High Flyer to get his foot on the rope! He’s still miraculously in this!
Benny Newell: NO! NOOO! Quick! Somebody throw High Flyer a knife or something!
Flyer managed to get his foot on the bottom rope before the three count! Fuse stares at it in disbelief before staring at Hortega then back at the foot. His face flushes red as he seems to go insane, shoving Hortega away before he slides outside the ring, grabbing the gnarled remains of the broken ass mental chair Flyer had introduced at the start of the match! Fuse tears his blue bandana off as he climbs back into the ring, slamming the broken chair down on High Flyer’s body before climbing the turnbuckle once again.
Joe Hoffman: I guess referee Joe Hortega is going to allow the remnants of the chair that High Flyer introduced.. But.. Conor Fuse can’t actually be thinking..
Benny Newell: He’s lost his mind! He is going to end High Flyer’s career and his own! He’s just as sick as Jack Harmen!
SUPER SPLASH 450!
It is hard to tell who received the worst part of the splash as Flyer is crushed beneath the steel while Conor’s body crumbles around the jagged edges of the broken chair. The audience breaks out into a HOLY SHIT chant. Conor crawls his way onto the pile of rubble that is High Flyer’s body and hooks the leg..
Joe Hoffman: Oh GOD! That looked like a man played chicken with the ground and nobody won!
WINNER: CONOR FUSE VIA PINFALL IN 11 MINUTES 01 SECONDS!
In the ring Conor rolls off of High Flyer cradling his ribs. Joel Hortega checks on High Flyer who, despite being curled up in pain, appears to be laughing maniacally. “Flying Battery Zone Act !” from Sonic Mania once again fills up the arena with it’s optimistic and upbeat sound. Confirming that High Flyer is not dying Hortega returns to Fuse, helping him to his feet while lifting his arm into the air.
Joe Hoffman: A great showing here tonight by Conor Fuse who weathered the early attack from High Flyer and managed to overwhelm his opponent with his own move.
Benny Newell: He STOLE his move, Hoffman, he stole the Locomotion! If anything High Flyer beat High Flyer!
Conor continues to celebrate in the ring as we cut away.
The Best Alliance
Lindsay Troy vs. Steve Solex
Ring announcer Bryan McVay climbs into the ring.
Joe Hoffman: This one is going to be a doozy. HOW’s first ever Fan’s Weapon Match. Mom versus Dad. The Queen of the Ring versus the Number One Dad-Soldier. Lindsay Troy and Steve Solex. These two have been at each other’s throats over the past few weeks and then two weeks ago at Refueled forty-five, this happened…
Steve Solex: Look, a fan’s bring weapons match is exactly what the doctor ordered in HOW. As far as I know, this is the first time that Lee Best has allowed such a match, and you’ve got to wonder why. Not only is the Dad-Soldier about to absolutely destroy his one-time dream signing, but I’m going to do it with the help of the HOW fan base and once and for all…Lindsay Troy will be pushed off into oblivion where her overgrown ass belongs!
Lindsay Troy: Way I see it, Steve, not only is it March to Glory the right time and the right place for us to take our personal war to the next – and final – level, but I don’t think we should wait that long … I say we kick it off right here… right now!
Lindsay tosses the microphone aside and hops the guardrail, the fans on the floor slapping her on the shoulders and back as she starts making her way up to Section 214.
Solex and Troy are brawling in Section 214. Troy grabs him by the hair and drags him up the steps. They stop at the next level, and Troy rears back to punch Solex but…
Joe Hoffman: Thumb to the eye by Solex!
Benny Newell: Legal punch, Hoffhole…pay attention!
LT covers up her eye and Solex heads out of the bowl and into the hallway. The camera stays with Troy as she slowly gets to her feet. She stumbles into the concourse…
Joe Hoffman: Steel chair to the skull! Steve Solex has flattened Lindsay Troy! Look at the dent in that chair!
Benny Newell: YES! YES!
Solex stands over Lindsay Troy and hoists the chair high up in the air as fans nearby throw popcorn and expletives at the Dad-Soldier as he breathes in deep. He wads up a mixture of snot, spit and blood in his mouth and spits it right into Troy’s face, then leans down and gets right into her face.
Steve Solex: (whispers) Equal rights…..bitch.
Benny Newell: Lindsay Troy’s messing with the Best Alliance. She’s poking the wrong bear. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger? Bullshit. If it’s a bear, a bear will fucking kill you and that’s what’s going to happen to Lindsay Troy tonight when Steve Solex and the Best Alliance puts her in her place.
Cut to Bryan McVay in the ring.
Bryan McVay: Ladies and gentlemen, our next match is one fall and is a Fan’s Weapons Match. Introducing first…
The ominous, opening chords to “Put ‘Em in the Grave” by Jedi Mind Tricks blasts through the speakers.
“So who the next to get it?”
“I’ll take the life of anybody tryin’ to change what’s left”
A raucous ovation follows the Fat Joe and Prodigy vocal sample as the High Octane Faithful herald the Queen of the Ring to the stage.
Bryan McVay: …she hales from Tampa, Florida. Ladies and gentlemen…the QUEEN OF THE RING…LINNNNNN-SAYYYYY…TROYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Yo, roll the dro and spark, a bunch of animals like Noah’s Ark
A rapper so ill, my flow just stole Jehovah’s heart…
Lindsay Troy strolls out amidst a shower of pyro and cannon blasts with a bag in her hand.
My fist ‘ll break a fuckin’ boulder in half
When I was young, I’d smack a stick off of your shoulder and laugh…
She doesn’t pause to preen or rile up the crowd. Instead, she marches down the ramp to the ring, blowing right by the camera in the aisle.
Joe Hoffman: Here she comes to the ring. A focused Lindsay Troy comes out tonight having earned the respect of the HOW faithful and wants to send a message to not only Steve Solex tonight but the Best Alliance.
Benny Newell: Hoffhole, earning the respect of these miscreants, especially those idiots in Section 214-
Joe Hoffman: Who are here tonight, way up near the top of MSG.
Benny Newell: Whatever. Earning their respect means nothing and the only message that’s getting sent tonight is this: you do not fuck with the Best Alliance, you do not fuck with the best Dad in the whole fucking world, a war hero, one hell of a great American, and one hell of a great man. Steve Solex is going to deliver that message loud and clear to Lindsay Troy tonight.
Spotlights follow Troy’s path as she stops and leaves a bag under the ring apron. She makes her way up the steps, foregoing her usual jump to the apron and flip into the ring. She slips between the ropes, and saunters over to a corner to scale the turnbuckles and pose a bit before the match begins.
This beginning of “This Means War” by Avenged Sevenfold thumps from the sound system and the crowd explodes into a fury of boos and hisses.
Joe Hoffman: And here comes Steve Solex.
Benny Newell: Once again, that’s war hero, best Dad, Best Alliance member, and a great American, Steve Solex to you.
A montage of Steve Solex plays on the HOV, flashing on and off in rhythm with the music. As the music stalls, the HOV goes black as the lights throughout the arena go dark.
Wait for it.
A bomb-like explosion blasts at the top of the entry way sends a plume of smoke up and in front of the HOV in the shape of a mushroom cloud as the music returns in a wall of sound.
Steve Solex makes his way out from behind the curtain. He also has a bag he carries with him.
Bryan McVay: Representing the Best Alliance… weighing in at 252 pounds! From Huntington Beach, California! THIS IS STEEEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLEXXXXX!
The montage continues to play on the HOV as Solex stops atop the entrance ramp and pounds his chest twice with a white knuckled first before throwing his hands high up into the air. Solex soaks in the thundering boos coming from the crowd.
“Hide my face again, harbor in the shadows.
Feel this weight of sin hammering away.”
Solex starts his march to the ring with the look of a cold-blooded killer.
“Die, with the guilt of a thousand AWOL soldiers
Die, watch the scythe usher me astray.”
He jumps up on the apron and—
Joe Hoffman: TROY’S NOT WAITING FOR THE BELL!
No sooner than Solex started through the ropes, LT rushed forward and dropkicked Solex off the apron to the floor.
Benny Newell: She’s just making it worse for herself!
Troy now on the floor. It takes a whopping two seconds for a fan to offer her the first weapon of the match- a steel folding chair. She takes it and…
Solex freezes in place.
The second chairshot causes Solex to use the ring apron to stay upright.
He grabs the ringpost to keep from falling after the third shot.
Solex ducks below the fourth chairshot from Troy and the chair hits the ringpost.
FUCK HIM UP LIND-ZEE, FUCK HIM UP! (CLAP-CLAP)
FUCK HIM UP LIND-ZEE, FUCK HIM UP! (CLAP-CLAP)
LT pulls Solex to his feet – thumb to the eye by Solex. Troy backs up – Solex takes the arm and whips her to the barricade – no, Troy reverses and she chucks Solex into the steel barricade. Solex staggers up – Troy grabs the back of his head – RUNNING BULLDOG TO THE FLOOR!
FUCK HIM UP LIND-ZEE, FUCK HIM UP! (CLAP-CLAP)
FUCK HIM UP LIND-ZEE, FUCK HIM UP! (CLAP-CLAP)
Joe Hoffman: Lindsay Troy is on fire! You knew that after what Steve Solex did to her two weeks ago that she would come out here tonight with the intent on destroying Solex.
Benny Newell: She should be disqualified.
Joe Hoffman: The match hasn’t officially started yet.
Benny Newell: Doesn’t matter.
Someone hands LT a baking sheet.
Benny Newell: Do something Hortega!
Referee Joel Hortega finds himself following the chaos at ringside from inside the ring.
Someone else hands Troy a license plate.
Lindsay is given a carton of eggs. She lets a smile slip – briefly – opens the carton – pulls Solex towards him and smashes the carton into his face. Egg yolk splatters all over
Benny Newell: What the fuck is that!
Joe Hoffman: Scrambled eggs?
Egg matter matted in his hair, Solex tumbles back to the barricade and uses it to keep him up.
Benny Newell: Looks like gimmick infringement to me.
Troy motions a female fan to come over the barricade. As the fan holds up a steel chair, LT pulls Solex up and drives him head first into the chair. Solex drops to the floor and Troy high-fives the young fan. Another one hands her a skillet. LT smiles again as Solex gets back to a knee…
…and goes right back down.
Benny Newell: For fuck’s sake, stop giving her weapons!
Joe Hoffman: The fans are handing Lindsay Troy anything she can get her hands on in her quest to humiliate Steve Solex and the Best Alliance tonight.
Finally, referee Joel Hortega, still in the ring, gives up on a normal start to the match and just calls for the bell.
Joe Hoffman: And now, this Fan’s Bring Weapons match is officially underway.
Troy tosses the skillet aside and is presented with a PlayStation 1 console by a fan. She shrugs and smashes it over Solex’s head.
Benny Newell: Now THAT’S gimmick infringement!
Somewhere in the building, Conor Fuse smiles. LT’s attention suddenly focuses on another fan who has a shiny new toy for her to use.
Joe Hoffman: Is that what I think it is?
Troy takes a cheese grater from the fan with a smirk on her face.
Benny Newell: Who brings a cheese grater to a wrestling show?
Joe Hoffman: Um, fans bring weapons to the match?
Solex back to an unsteady vertical base. Troy takes the cheese grater, winds up, and blasts Solex in the balls with it. His back stiffens up, his hands covers his balls, and he falls face first to the floor.
Benny Newell: Oh my Lee… I don’t know what to say.
Joe Hoffman: Well if it’s any consolation, neither does Steve Solex… unless it’s in soprano.
Benny Newell: Fuck off Hoffhole! As Lee as my witness, Lindsay Troy is going to pay for this.
FUCK HIM UP LIND-ZEE, FUCK HIM UP! (CLAP-CLAP)
FUCK HIM UP LIND-ZEE, FUCK HIM UP! (CLAP-CLAP)
Joe Hoffman: It sounds like the fans here at Madison Square Garden are firmly behind the Queen of the Ring.
LT puts Solex’s head between her legs.
Joe Hoffman: Is she going to piledrive Steve Solex on the floor?
Benny Newell: NO-NO-NO-NO!
FUCK HIM UP LIND-ZEE, FUCK HIM UP! (CLAP-CLAP)
FUCK HIM UP LIND-ZEE, FUCK HIM UP! (CLAP-CLAP)
Benny Newell: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
She tries to get Solex set for the piledriver – Solex blocks. She tries again- Solex blocks. She tries a third time – Solex pushes up with his legs and flips Troy over him to the floor. LT gets right back up.
FUCK HIM UP LIND-ZEE, FUCK HIM UP! (CLAP-CLAP)
FUCK HIM UP LIND-ZEE, FUCK HIM…AWWWWWW
Joe Hoffman: Solex with a right hand to the gut!
Troy doubles over and lands on all fours.
Benny Newell: YES! That’ll shut them up.
Solex follows with a stomp to the head and searches the crowd for weapons to use- but the fans aren’t offering any.
Benny Newell: Oh sure. When Lindsay Troy wants a weapon she gets one right away.
Side headlock by Solex – he runs towards the barricade – hops the barricade – and drapes LT neck first across the top of the barricade.
Joe Hoffman: Lindsay Troy gets driven throat first across that steel guardrail!
Benny Newell: That’s more like it. DRINK!
Now Solex takes control. He slams her headfirst into the guardrail. Solex then snatches a bottle of beer from a fan – since they’re not being helpful to him – and smashes the bottle over her head. Blood streams down LT’s face. Solex takes her by the head and heaves her over the barricade into the crowd. He rips off the apron of one of the vendors walking up and down selling food and wraps the apron around her throat and pulls it tight.
Troy claws wildly at the apron and tries to loosen the garment around her neck. A task made harder by Solex marching her through the crowd on the floor of MSG.
Benny Newell: This is the match Lindsay Troy wanted Hoffman. She wanted the fuck-face fans to bring weapons and what’s good for Lindsay Troy is just as good for Steve Solex.
Joe Hoffman: She’s turning blue, Benny.
Benny Newell: Weapons match, Hoffhole.
Blinking her eyes rapidly and trying to breathe, she manages to reach into her trunks and pull out a boxcutter.
Benny Newell: What?
Troy cuts the apron – it rips apart and relieves the pressure. And that’s not all she uses the tool for.
Joe Hoffman: SHE JAMMED THE BOXCUTTER INTO SOLEX’S LEG!
Solex shouts out in pain.
Benny Newell: NO!
Down to a knee, he yanks out the boxcutter. Troy tears the apron completely off her throat and tries to breathe. Solex writhes in a tremendous amount of pain. LT gains a few seconds respite to catch her breath and regroup-
Joe Hoffman: THE EPU! EPU!
The EPU appear and jump Troy at ringside.
Benny Newell: YES! I knew Lee would send in the troops at some point!
Troy tries to fight off the EPU but at fifteen versus one she simply can’t win the numbers game. They swarm all over her – she gets tackled to floor and buried under.
Joe Hoffman: Lee Best knew that Zeb Martin and Teddy Palmer had a street fight later on in the show and wouldn’t be available to back up Lindsay Troy.
The EPU drag Troy to her feet as Solex limps over. But instead of attacking her, Solex keeps walking on. The EPU follow, literally carrying Troy who tries to fight back, under Section 109 of the arena towards a service elevator.
Benny Newell: There was no way that Lee Best didn’t have all the angles covered tonight. That’s why he’s the GOD of HOW!
The service elevator leads to a concourse at the top level of MSG. Destination?
Section 214. The nose-bleed section. The Uecker seats. Located way up high above the MSG floor.
Solex struts in front of Section 214 as if he’s a conquering hero. He’s greeted by the fans throwing debris at him. The EPU to form a protective shield between Solex and Section 214 to keep them apart. Solex goes to the edge of the railing and looks down.
Forty feet below, a number of tables have been stacked up.
Joe Hoffman: I think I know where they’re headed and I know what they’re about to do.
Benny Newell: Solex had Lindsay Troy dragged up to Section 214 because he wants those fuckwads to have a ringside seat to what he’s about to do.
Not wanting to play along with the plan, Troy kicks an EPU in the balls and gets loose momentarily. Solex rushes in and shoulder blocks her to the concrete floor.
Benny Newell: BY GOSH!
The EPU go over and pull LT back up. Solex runs into her again with the shoulder block.
Benny Newell: BY GOLLY!
Solex tells the EPU to line her up against the railing.
Joe Hoffman: Now come on! This is Lindsay Troy’s first official match back since she took a thirty foot fall from a scaffolding three months ago at ICONIC.
Benny Newell: Lindsay Troy declared war on the Best Alliance Hoffman and this is what happens when you go to war with the Best Alliance.
Joe Hoffman: By clotheslining her over the rail, forty feet down, through a stack of tables?
Benny Newell: She did this. She asked for this. And Steve Solex is going to give it to her. You fuck with the Best Alliance- the Best Alliance is going to fuck with you.
As the EPU hold Troy up against the railing, the Dad-Soldier rushes forward, arm extended.
Benny Newell: CLOTHESLINE FROM-
Joe Hoffman: A FAN JUST JUMPED SOLEX!
A ‘fan’ has just run past the EPU and hopped on the back of Steve Solex. He starts throwing right hands into the side of his head.
Benny Newell: Jesus Christ Hoffman. This is what happens when you let these fucking drooling halfwits play an important part of a match like this. They think they’re actually part of the show.
Solex flips the fan over him to the concrete and HOTv gets a good look at his face.
Joe Hoffman: THAT’S JOHNNY DORN!
Dorn launches himself at Solex and drives him back first into the railing
Joe Hoffman: Johnny Dorn tweeted earlier this week that he would be at Madison Square Garden tonight. He hasn’t forgotten how Steve Solex beat the crap out of him at Refueled Fifty back in January.
Dorn unloads a barrage of rights and lefts – Solex tries to cover up.
Benny Newell: DISQUALIFY HER! I am shocked and appalled at this outside interference! Shocked I am.
Joe Hoffman: Lindsay Troy just got mauled by fifteen of the EPU and you’re complaining about Johnny Dorn going after Steve Solex?
Benny Newell: DO SOMETHING EPU! DO SOMETHING!
At least one of the EPU realizes that Solex is in peril and leaves the Troy beatdown to assist. The guard races over and tears Dorn away from Solex.
Benny Newell: About fucking time! Now, toss him over the rail.
But instead of attacking Dorn, the EPU guard shocks everyone when he rears back and pops Solex in the jaw.
Benny Newell: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?
The EPU guard then removes the helmet.
Joe Hoffman: THAT’S DAWN McGILL!
Section 214 lets out a roar when they realize who it actually is.
Benny Newell: WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING HERE?
Joe Hoffman: Dawn McGill obviously hasn’t forgotten that Solex assaulted and then locked her in cell 214 in Alcatraz back at Rumble at the Rock.
McGill flips off Solex – side headlock – spike to the floor.
Joe Hoffman: DDT!
MSG erupts now – the EPU now realize what’s happening and peel away from Troy. They surround Dorn and McGill.
Joe Hoffman: Fourteen against two. Not looking good for them
Benny Newell: These two idiots are about to find out that you don’t fuck with the Best Alliance.
Joe Hoffman: Maybe not Benny.
Benny Newell: What are you talking about? They’re toast.
Why? Because the EPU surrounding Dorn and McGill become acutely aware that the denizens of Section 214 have come out of their seats down to the floor to surround the EPU.
Joe Hoffman: That’s why Benny. I’d venture to say that the odds are fourteen going up against a couple hundred people now.
Benny Newell: Oh.
The mob attacks and the EPU quickly disappear into the mire.
Benny Newell: Lee, get more EPU up here fast!
While a wrathful Section 214 dismembers the grossly outnumbered EPU personnel, both Lindsay Troy and Steve Solex are missing from view- and HOTv cameras.
While the HOTv camera search for the whereabouts of both wrestlers, we cut to a very busy Penn Station- coincidentally located right underneath Madison Square Garden.
There’s a group of people watching March to Glory on one of the television monitors inside the station.
Joe Hoffman: Benny, did you know that since 1968, the core of Penn Station has been underground, right below Madison Square Garden and that the two upper concourses are original to the 1910 station as well as the tracks and the platform?
Benny Newell: I hate you.
Lindsay Troy emerges from under Section 109 and pulls Steve Solex by the hair back with her onto the floor.
Joe Hoffman: There they are!
They reach the edge of the stage and head toward the ring.
Joe Hoffman: None of the action has taken place in the ring in this match.
Troy sends Solex up and over the barricade back into ringside. She goes to the ring apron and pulls out her bag of plunder. First, a barbed wire bat.
Joe Hoffman: Lindsay got help from the fans with weapons earlier in the match. Now she’s brought her own arsenal into play.
Three barbed wire bat shots to the back – Solex falls to his knees – his back bleeding now in several spots.
Benny Newell: JESUS CHRIST HORTEGA! HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING DURING THIS MATCH?
Joe Hoffman: He did call for the bell to ring.
Benny Newell: Fuck off Joe.
Next, a cowbell.
LT wraps the cowbell’s rope around Solex’s neck, chokes him momentarily, and throws him down. She reaches back into the bag and pulls out a cattle prod.
Benny Newell: What the hell is she doing with that?
Joe Hoffman: I think you know what she’s doing with that.
Solex tries to back away and beg off. LT ain’t having it.
Benny Newell: NOOOOOO!
Solex shakes and shudders as the cattle prod sends 5,000 volts through his body. Troy pulls the cattle prod back and lets Solex fall to the floor. She pulls him up and drags him to the ring, heaving him up onto the ring apron and rolling him under the ropes.
Joe Hoffman: For the first time in this match, both competitors are actually in the ring.
Referee Joel Hortega, who really has been more of a spectator than a referee in this match, watches closely. Troy goes right for the pinfall.
TR-NO! Solex kicks out just in the nick of time.
Joe Hoffman: After all the punishment that he’s taken, Steve Solex somehow kicked out at the last second!
Benny Newell: WORLD #1 DAD POWER!
Troy shakes her head and pulls Solex up. Side headlock – she hooks a leg – lift – slam.
Joe Hoffman: THY KINGDOM COME!
Benny Newell: COME ON DAD! LEE SAVE US ALL!
Joe Hoffman: The EPU makes the save!
The EPU run in again and break up the pin.
Benny Newell: What do I keep telling you? Lee’s got this under control.
While Hortega tries to get the EPU out of the ring, Troy leans Solex in the corner – steps back – runs forward – and drives the double knees into his face.
Joe Hoffman: QUEEN’S GAMBIT!
All but knocked out, Solex topples to the mat. Troy hooks both legs and shouts at the referee. Hortega turns back to make the pinfall.
TW- two of the EPU grab his legs and pull him out of the ring while the other four more roll into the ring and attack Troy. One of them wields a steel folding chair.
Joe Hoffman: The Best Alliance is doing everything in their power to make sure Lindsay Troy does not win this match!
Joe Hoffman: Down goes the Queen of the Ring.
A second chairshot lands across her chest. She doubles up and rolls back and forth in pain.
Benny Newell: PAYBACK IS A BITCH!
Two EPU members pick Solex up and put him on top of LT. Hortega is tossed back into the ring. He crawls over to make the cover.
Joe Hoffman: ANOTHER FAN IN THE RING!
Benny Newell: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? WHERE’S THE EPU TO KEEP-… er fuck, never mind.
A red-headed blur sprinted down – launched herself into the ring – jumped back to her feet – and shoved Solex off of Troy.
Joe Hoffman: Hold on! MARY-LYN MAYWEATHER?
Benny Newell: What is with all this outside interference?
Joe just shakes his head.
Joe Hoffman: Mary-Lyn Mayweather made the save for Lindsay Troy! I kind of thought she and High Flyer were on the outs with Lindsay Troy. But maybe not.
The tiny spitfire and former wrestler, now an attorney, rolls under the bottom rope out of the ring before the two EPU in the ring can react and finds the cattle prod LT used earlier in the match on the floor.
Joe Hoffman: HERE COMES DORN AND McGILL!”
Johnny Dorn and Dawn McGill race down to ringside and attack the EPU. MLM gets back in the ring and she zaps both EPU members in the ring with the cattle prod.
Joe Hoffman: Mayweather has the Cattle Prod and she’s taking out the EPU.
Benny Newell: Someone take that away from her!
Troy shakes out the cobwebs and slides under the bottom rope to the floor. She pulls out a cloth bag from her bag of weaponry and rolls back in the ring.
Joe Hoffman: ALL HELL’S BROKEN LOOSE!
Troy opens the cloth bag and dumps out thumbtacks on the mat near where Solex is.
Benny Newell: TACKS? SHE’S GOT TACKS? Where’s the EPU?
The last EPU guard falls at ringside after Mayweather knocks him out with the cattle prod.
Benny Newell: Oh. We’re going to need more EPU!
Troy climbs to the top turnbuckle and directs traffic. Dorn and McGill are now in the ring and pull Solex up to his feet.
Joe Hoffman: Troy on the top turnbuckle. The EPU are down and out and there’s tacks in the ring.
Facing away from the ring, Troy propels herself up and in fluid motion: does a 180° turn in mid-air, a 630° senton right that lands perfectly into a side headlock on Solex, she swings around, fall backwards and spikes Solex headfirst to the mat…
Joe Hoffman: CROWNING GLORY ONTO THE TACKS!
LT wastes no time. She rolls him over.
Joe Hoffman: And she’s done it. In a match where everything was stacked against her, somehow Lindsay Troy has come through with the win.
Ring announcer Bryan McVay is back in the ring, watching out for tacks of course.
Bryan McVay: Your winner at twenty-seven minutes and thirty-five seconds… The QUEEN OF THE RING…LINNNNNN-SAYYYYY…TROYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Mayweather, Dorn, and McGill have hopped the barricade and returned to whence they came leaving Troy and a downed Solex in the ring.
Benny Newell: This is terrible. How could she do that to the World’s number one Dad-Soldier?
Troy rolls out of the ring and finds her bag of weapons. She rummaged through the bag until she finds what she’s looking for.
Joe Hoffman: Now what is she doing?
LT slides back into the ring and holds up- a clipper?
Joe Hoffman: Oh boy.
Benny Newell: This is an outrage! She can’t do that!
The crowd encourages her on. She flips on the clippers.
Joe Hoffman: She’s going to shave Solex’s mustache off.
Benny Newell: STOP HER!
Troy’s hand directs the clippers towards Solex’s face and suddenly the lights go out.
Joe Hoffman: Clearly Lee protecting Solex and his stache here by turning off the lights.
Benny Newell: Maybe the arena hasnt paid their bills? Ever think of that??
Before Joe can reply the lights come back on and everyone sees a figure now standing behind LT.
“IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED LINZ??”
“I WILL GIVE YOU EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED TROY”
The man swings the now dented steel chair one more time…
The man tosses the chair to the side and bends down next to Troy
Joe Hoffman: Who is that??? He is wearing a black hoodie and with his hood up we cannot see who it is….although last time we saw this it was Steve Harrison….is it…
But before Benny can give his best guess the answer to Joe’s question is revealed as the man slowly pulls his hood back revealing himself.
Joe Hoffman: CLAY BYRD!!!!!!??????
Clay slowly unzips the hoodie and reveals a Best Alliance shirt underneath it. He then leans in one more time and whispers into the now knocked out Lindsay Troy…
“Equal rights bitch”
The action fades out as we watch a smile slowly come across the face of the new Best Alliance member.
High Octane Gambling
The Hollywood Bruvs vs. The Best Alliance
As we come back from commercial we see the Hall of Fame team ready for the next highly anticipated match up.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen and what a night it’s been so far.
Benny Newell: Damn right Hoffman. Tonight has not disappointed and right now we had to reinforce the ring to contain these two teams tonight in this historic title match.
Joe Hoffman: We did?
Benny Newell: Fucking eh, did you miss the meeting again Hoffhole? We had to reinforce the ring to contain all the greatness that is Best Alliance and The Hollywood Bruvs. They say this is a dream match, but I’ve been having wet dreams about it all week long.
Joe Hoffman: Too much information there Benny.
“Go to Hell!”
Screams throughout the arena before the opening riffs of “Fucking in the Bushes” by Oasis begins to play as the lights in the arena turn gold and the High Octane Vision has images of the Hollywood sign, 24 karat gold jewelry, Oreo frappes before a single spotlight shines down injunction with the video screen displaying, HOLLYWOOD. BRUVS.
Bryan McVay: Introducing first, the challengers, weighing in at a combined weight of 448 lbs…. MIKEY! UNLIKEY! KENDRIX! THE HOLLYWOOOOOOOOOD BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUVVVVS!
The Bruvs make their way onto the stage with Frappes in hand and stop just before the entrance ramp. The Bruvs look out towards the crowd and Kendrix needs a better look as he lowers his shades down as his takes a sip as Mikey cracks that Hollywood smile.
Joe Hoffman: Everywhere The Hollywood Bruvs go they win gold and they are no strangers to HOW Tag gold as they have won it on two separate occasions.
Benny Newell: Plus they are swell gentlemen as well.
Mikey and Kendrix glue fist their hands together and there is a loud explosion and things begin to fall from the rafters of the arena.
Benny Newell: MIKEY MONEY HOFFMAN!
The golden money continue to litter the arena as the Bruvs walk down the ramp and climb up the ring steps.
Joe Hoffman: The Hollywood Bruvs are going to prove to be a difficult challenge for the reigning champions.
As the Bruvs continue to sip on their frappes, Mikey picks up some Mikey Money that has fallen into the ring and tosses it towards the crowd while Kendrix uses his sunglasses as a mirror as they await their opposition as those familiar Freddie Mercury vocals fill the arena.
“HEEEEEEERE WE ARE! BORN TO BE KINGS! WE’RE THE PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE!”
“Princes of the Universe” blares across the arena. Pyro rains from the ramp in gold and white. The crowd erupts into a mix of cheers and jeers. Emerging from the curtain is the dominant tandem of “StarrSek Industries”. Sektor carries the HOW Tag Team Championship over shoulder. Jatt Starr has the LSD Championship over his left shoulder, the HOW Tag Team Championship over his right. Ahead of them, clearing the way is “StarrSek Industries” sole employee, Hugo Scorpio. The ramp illuminates with spotlights from above. They begin their confident gait down the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Jatt and Sektor are the fifth longest reigning champions in HOW history. Will that change tonight?
Benny Newell: I hope not Hoffman, but if it does the tag titles are in good hands.
Halfway down the ramp, Jatt Starr pulls out a Sharpie and signs his name on the forehead of a punk rock looking woman with a green mohawk and more piercings than a Tommy Lee lookalike contest. She looks ecstatic (or on something). The Ruler of Jattlantis chucks the red marker into the audience. Sektor looks over and shakes head, urging his partner to move it along.
Joe Hoffman: Jatt having a little fun.
Benny Newell: Sektor will be too, but you know he’s all business before a match. No sex before the match, but shower their groupies with gold afterwards though.
They proceed down the ramp and they follow Hugo up the ring steps. Hugo pulls open the middle and top ropes allowing the tag team champions to enter. Sektor hoists the HOW Tag Team Championship in the air, eyeing Mikey Unlikey in the process. Meanwhile, Jatt Starr drops to his knees and raises both his titles in the air, looking up to the ceiling, no doubt showing his appreciation for the HOW gods. Sektor begins jawing at Mikey Unlikey, seeing this, Jatt Starr begins mocking Kendrix and begins to glue fist with Hugo before Jatt shouts BOOM! And falls to the mat dead. Jatt pretend to shock himself back to life.
Benny Newell: Thank Lee for resurrecting Jatt.
The music fades and Jatt hands his LSD Championship to Hugo who promptly exits the ring as the Gold Standard and Jattinum Standard back into their corner. With all the combatants present and accounted for it’s off to Brian McVay.
Bryan McVay: And their opponents, representing the Best Alliance, weighing in at a combined weight of 470 lbs….they are THE REIGNING! DEFENDING! UNDISPUTED! HOW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WOOOOOORLD! JOHN! SEKTOOOOOOOR! JATT! STAAAAR! STAAAAAARRRRRR! SEK! INDUSSSSSSTRIIIIIIIEEEEES!
The tag champions hold their titles high into the air before handing them to Matt Boettcher who holds them up for the world to see.
Benny Newell: If they don’t start this match I’m going to prematurely cream my pants Hoffman.
Boettcher folds up the titles and calls for the bell.
Joe Hoffman: And here we go with this historic championship match!
Benny Newell: I think I need a change of pants Hoffman.
Kendrix and Mikey begin to play paper, rock, scissors to see who will start the match and it appears Jatt will start the match for his team.
Joe Hoffman: Looks like Mikey will start it out for the Bruvs.
Benny Newell: Rock breaks scissors obviously.
As Jatt turns to meet Mikey, Sektor tags himself in causing confusion with his partner.
Joe Hoffman: Looks like Sektor wants a piece of Mikey and these two have a long history with one another.
Benny Newell: We don’t talk about that forbidden place Hoffman.
Jatt shrugs and climbs to the apron as Sektor and Mikey get face to face in the center of the ring and exchange colorful words with one another. Mikey treats Sektor as if he was one of his hoes and slaps him across the face. The Gold Standard slowly turns back to his opponent and goes for a spinning back elbow, but Mikey ducks underneath and lights Sektor up with a flurry of punches.
Joe Hoffman: Sektor tried to get a cheap shot in on Mikey Unlikely with that Hall of Fame elbow, but the former champion saw it a mile away.
Benny Newell: Sure did Hoffman. Say what you want about the Bruvs, they are legit when it comes to performing inside that ring. They aren’t all fluff and hype like Imperfection and the Murray sisters.
Mikey hits a quick left jab and sends Sektor to his corner with a headbutt. Mikey has something to tell the official as he holds Boettcher away from Kendrix choking Sektor.
Joe Hoffman: The Bruvs wasting no time in breaking the rules.
Benny Newell: Break? They are just bending them a little.
As Boettcher turns his attention back to Sektor, Kendrix is asking to be tagged in which Mikey obliges.
Joe Hoffman: Kendrix is looking to inflict more damage.
Mikey and JFK begin to light up the Hall of Famer’s chest with repeated quadruple knife edge chops.
Joe Hoffman: The Bruvs with the Frapp Slapp and the welts begin to show on the former World champion.
Benny Newell: The BA knew this was going to be a fight Hoffman and they are in for the long haul. A few welts aren’t going to stop Sektor.
Kendrix doubles over Sektor and snaps him over with a suplex before going for a cover.
Sektor muscles out of the pin, but Kendrix quickly attacks Sektor with a boot to the face.
Joe Hoffman: This is going to be a great wrestling match up as both Sektor and Kendrix are two of the best technicians in the world.
Kendrix drops an elbow and follows it up with another and before the final he makes the wanker gestures with his hand and hawks a loogie at Jatt Starr angering The Ruler of Jattlantis.
Benny Newell: COME ON! THAT WASN’T NECESSARY.
Jatt tries to come in and get him a piece of Kendrix but Boettcher stops him giving Mikey the opportunity to come in and put the boots to Sektor along with Kendrix.
Joe Hoffman: The Bruvs seem to be one step ahead of the champions.
As Boettcher gets Jatt out of the ring he turns and sees Kendrix tagging Mikey back into the ring. With Sektor been assaulted by the former tag champions, Mikey walks around the ring like he’s the cat that ate the canary as he taunts Jatt before making his way back to Sektor.
Benny Newell: Mikey smells the blood in the water Hoffman.
Mikey pulls Sektor to his feet, but the Hall of Famer stuns everyone as he picks Mikey up and slams him down with a high angle belly to belly suplex.
Joe Hoffman: Both men are down and their partners are looking for the tag!
Benny Newell: Jatt is pacing like a caged lion Hoffman.
Boettcher sees both men down and begins his count.
Both men begin to stir.
Both crawl towards their corners.
Kendrix is tagged in!
Jatt is tagged in!
Kendrix tries to barrel through The Master of Jatturday Night Fever, but The King of Grapple from the Big Apple sidesteps and Kendrix goes flying through the ropes. As Kendrix gets to his feet he turns and sees the ginormous Hugo Scorpio standing before him.
Joe Hoffman: Kendrix wants no part of Hugo Scorpio.
Benny Newell: Who would Hoffman? During his short career in HOW he ended a few careers.
Kendrix holds his hands up and backs away from Hugo and as he turns around he sees a falling starr.
Benny Newell: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT HOFFMAN?!?!?!?!?
Joe Hoffman: Jatt Starr with a crossbody Benny.
Benny Newell: I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks because I thought I would never see the day of Jatt Starr performing high risk moves.
Joe Hoffman: High risk? He jumped about a foot off of the ring steps onto Kendrix….
Benny Newell: Shut the fuck up! Don’t defile the rarity we are witnessing tonight.
Jatt feels the roar of the crowd as he hops to his feet and goes over to a his biggest fan, a hot, young blonde, at least that is what the sign says and motorboats her.
Benny Newell: Lucky bastard.
Jatt picks up Kendrix and throws him back into the ring. Once inside, the LSD champion, goes to pick up Kendrix, but is introduced to the sole of Kendrix’s boot.
Joe Hoffman: That up kick rocked Jatt.
The Baron of Boca Jatton staggers back giving Kendrix the opportunity to kip up and go for a massive discus clothesline, but The New Starrleans Saint saw it coming.
Joe Hoffman: Sleeper!
The Hall of Famer has the sleeper locked in and quickly drops to the canvas.
Benny Newell: I can’t get no Jattisfaction!
Jatt goes for the cover.
Mikey breaks up the pin attempt.
Joe Hoffman: Mikey was sensing the end may be near.
Benny Newell: Good teams know when their partner is in danger.
Jatt reaches down to pick up Kendrix, but the Bruv rakes the eyes obviously before tagging in Mikey.
Joe Hoffman: Mikey is in.
Mikey and Kendrix line Jatt in their sights and deliver a double superkick.
Joe Hoffman: Strippee Strike!
The force sends Jatt towards his corner and threw the ropes as Boettcher slaps his hands.
Benny Newell: MEDICS!
Sektor stands on the apron looking at his fallen partner and Mikey approaches the ropes and when he does, Sektor hangs him out to dry.
Joe Hoffman: Sektor with a hot shot and the tides have turned back into the champions favor.
Sektor slides into the ring and begins to pick apart his old rival by stomping away at every inch of his body. Sektor pulls Mikey to his feet who attempts a spinning back fist, but the Gold Standard ducks underneath and delivers a German suplex. Sektor rolls over still holding onto Mikey and delivers another German suplex. Still holding on tightly, Sektor rolls over and completes the hat trick but this there is a bridge.
Kendrix stops the count.
Benny Newell: And we continue! DRINK!
Sektor pulls Mikey to his feet and delivers a stiff kick to his gut to double him over before snapping him back to the canvas with a spinning neckbreaker. Cover.
Mikey kicks out and Sektor locks in a reverse chinlock and pulls back as he puts his knee in the lower back of Mikey. Boettcher asks if Mikey wants to quit but he shouts no causing Sektor to drive elbows to the neck and shoulder area of Mikey.
Joe Hoffman: Sektor softening up the neck for the Sektor Stretch.
Kendrix attempts to come into the ring, but is stopped by Boettcher. The distraction gives Mikey the chance to rake Sektor’s eyes to break the hold. Mikey quickly goes over to his corner an tags Kendrix in.
Benny Newell: Bruvs may be looking to end it here Hoffman.
Kendrix picks up Sektor and Mikey starts to bounce up and down before running towards the ropes.
Joe Hoffman: Sektor was playing possum!
Sektor from the dominator position is choking out Kendrix and as Kendrix drops to a knee he releases the hold just in time to shove Kendrix into Mikey and the two Bruvs collide. As Mikey stumbles towards the ropes, Jatt is inside the ring and runs at Mikey with full force.
Benny Newell: Starrlite Express! Jatt’s going all out tonight!
Jatt spears Mikey with such momentum they both go through the ropes and Sektor is waiting for Kendrix to turn around and kicks him in the gut before hooking both arms and driving him into the mat face first.
Joe Hoffman: C-Sektion!
Benny Newell: That’s got to be it.
Bryan McVay: And your winners by pinfall, AND STILL!….they are THE REIGNING! DEFENDING! UNDISPUTED! HOW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WOOOOOORLD! JOHN! SEKTOOOOOOOR! JATT! STAAAAR! STAAAAAARRRRRR! SEK! INDUSSSSSSTRIIIIIIIEEEEES!
Sektor rolls off of Kendrix and into a seated position as his look of focus doesn’t waver as Jatt comes in celebrating. Sektor gets to his feet and the tag champs slowly raise their titles high into the air.
Joe Hoffman: What a match! What a victory!
Benny Newell: Your telling me Hoffman, I filled the cup up again.
Action cuts to another commercial as The Best Alliance members continue to celebrate their big win.
22 A Day
Rah vs. Sutler Reynolds Kael
As we come back from commercial, McVay is interrupted by a man dressed in an expensive suit and bow-tie who’s just climbed into the ring. He elbows him out of the way and gestures for McVay to take a temporary powder because he’s the one who’s been given the honor and privilege of introducing a living deity.
Announcer Guy: Hit it!
Over the loudspeaker, a trumpet fanfare plays followed by a dense, layered note on a synthesizer.
Benny Newell: He’s here!
The announcer guy raises the microphone to his mouth.
Announcer Guy (in a voice not unlike Michael Buffer): Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation. He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day. He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season. He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s. And just for your reference, he is, for 38 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego‘s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends. But that’s not important.
He pauses and looks out at the crowd as the lights turn off. A small spotlight illuminates the ramp where a group of former Arizona State sorority sisters stand around and take selfies of themselves with their cell phones and then text them onto their Twitter, Tik Tok, and other social media accounts.
Benny Newell: Send me close pics! TIIIIIIITIIIIIES!
The sisters are joined by the former Barbie-Q- now known as Sports Entertainment Barbie. Barbie walks out onto the stage more ‘dolled up’ more than usual. Her hair is now platinum blonde. She has a ton of makeup on her face with bright red lipstick. She also sports a gold strapless dress that only goes down to her mid thighs with a pair of killer gold heels. Barbie rolls her eyes at the antics of the ex-ASU sorority sisters and then snaps back into her Sports Entertainment Barbie character.
Then two large, hulking men carry out a golden sedan chair holding a six foot eight inch, two hundred and eighty pound man dressed in long flowing robes inside.
Joe Hoffman: There he is ladies and…..
Benny Newell: Shut the fuck up Hoffhole! Don’t fuck up the entrance.
Announcer Guy: Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight. I give to you…the reason the Earth doesn‘t float away in the vastness of space…the reason it’s eighty degrees outside and not minus four hundred and fifty-nine point six seven…and the reason Brian Wilson wrote all those great songs…ladies and gentlemen…bow down before the Sunshine God…
Barbie points to the golden sedan as it approaches the ring.
Announcer Guy: …RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Benny Newell: …RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
The camera pans over to the sorority sisters who continue to make obnoxious duck face expressions while taking selfies of themselves. The procession stops at the ring steps and Rah climbs out of his golden sedan chair. He takes in the acclamation from the crowd and is momentarily blinded by the flashing lights from the cell phones of the sorority sisters taking selfies. After he shakes his head and his eyes clear, Rah climbs into the ring.
Joe Hoffman: As I was saying, there he is ladies and gentlemen…..the living deity himself…..
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
The heavy metal riff of Solence’s cover of “Believer” rips over the PA system as the High Octane Wrestling crowd groans and boos the arrival of the Son of Scions.
Bryan McVay: And his opponent, from Chicago, IL, weighing in at 187 pounds……he is the President of Human Resources and the Son of Scions…….SUTLER! KAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEL!
Swaggering out onto the stage in a leather jacket is Sutler Reynolds-Kael, a contrasting head of long black and #97red hair hanging over part of his face in a delightfully emo fashion.
Joe Hoffman: The new year hasn’t been kind to young Sutler as he is winless this year while ending 2020 undefeated.
Benny Newell: You bite your fucking tongue Hoffman. Jatt Starr, the greatest EVER!, started 0-3 and became the greatest EVER! Remember?
Joe Hoffman: I remember.
Benny Newell: Right now Sutler has hit a bit of a rut as they all do, but I heard he got a coach to help out and he’s been watching Jatt Starr highlights on HOTv.com while being the greatest President of HR in HOW history.
His brash, arrogant swagger carries him to the ring as he largely disrespects the fans on his way to the ring, slipping beneath the bottom rope before posing in the center of the ring, his left hand raised to the sky while his right cuts his thumb across his neck. As Sutler heads towards his corner, Boettcher calls for the bell.
Joe Hoffman: And here we go…..
Sutler and Rah come out of their respective corners and meet up in the center of the ring. Sutler begins to have some choice words for the Sunshine God.
Joe Hoffman: It’s no secret that Sutler is appalled to be fighting the living deity as he wants to face the youth of High Octane Wrestling…..not the dinosaurs.
Benny Newell: Sutler just needs to get laid Hoffman.
Sutler slaps the big man across the face and there is a collective gasp in the arena as the sunglasses that hold the aura of light back goes crooked on Rah’s face.
Benny Newell: Sutler fucked up now.
Rah doesn’t look pleased as he places the holy relics correctly back on his orangish face and pushes Sutler to the mat.
Rah: Time for timeout young man.
This draws laughter from the crowd.
Sutler not liking being embarrassed hops to his feet and pushes Rah.
Joe Hoffman: Sutler may be getting into a battle he doesn’t want to have with Ra….
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Rah chuckles a bit before looking to grab Sutler, but the Son of Scions ducks under the attempt and as Rah lumbers around gets rocked by a jumping headbutt.
Joe Hoffman: Sutler has Rah seeing sunspots with that headbutt!
Benny Newell: Sunspots. Good one Hoffman. DRINK!
Rah staggers backwards and hits the ropes and as he ricochets forward Sutler takes the big man down with a drop toe hold and floats over to a half Boston Crab.
Joe Hoffman: Sutler chopping down the giant redwood early.
Boettcher asks if Rah wants to submit, but the Rah shakes his head no.
Benny Newell: You think that little hold is going to make RAAAAAAAAAAH! Submit Bitcher?!?!?!?!?!??
Rah attempts to muscle his way out of it by pushing himself up, but Sutler applies more pressure causing Rah to drop to the canvas.
Joe Hoffman: Ra…..
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Joe Hoffman: Is a strong man, but eventually he will tap if he doesn’t get out of that submission.
Benny Newell: And that half crab is the best I’ve ever seen.
Rah begins to crawl towards the nearest set of ropes and Sutler tries all he can to prevent it by applying more pressure and hitting the leg with his free arm, but Rah makes it.
Joe Hoffman: Ra….
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Joe Hoffman: Makes it to the ropes, but Sutler isn’t letting go.
Sutler releases the hold and begins kicking the leg of Rah he had trapped in the half crab.
Joe Hoffman: Sutler doing everything he can to make sure Ra…
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAH!
Joe Hoffman: Can’t get back to a vertical base and use his power.
Benny Newell: Hoffman, Sutler can conjure up all the spirits of his deceased father, and Shane Reynolds that reside in Graystone’s Folgers can that resides in the Staff break room and it won’t be enough. He’s facing a literal God Hoffman, not THE GOD, but a God nonetheless.
Sutler goes to pick up Rah’s leg, but the Sunshine God shoves him off, but the persistent Kael hangs onto the leg and goes for a figure four leglock, but Rah is able to shove him away. Sutler quickly spins around to see the bottom of Rah’s golden boot collide with his face.
Benny Newell: I think I saw Graystone fly out of Sutler’s mouth there Hoffman…..my bad, it’s just a tooth.
Rah takes a few moments to regain his footing after taking down Sutler.
Joe Hoffman: Rah is doing everything he can to get that feeling back in his leg.
Rah makes his way over to Sutler and goes to pick him up, but Sutler still has fight left in him as he begins to send right hands to the gut of Rah.
Benny Newell: Dear Almighty Lee, this is your loyal disciple, Big Buff, speaking. Empower your shiny, and orange heavenly enforcer with 97 Red powers to fulfill his obligation to you dear Lee.
Rah holds his ground and roars out as if he’s being empowered by a higher force that’s unseen and delivers a massive clubbing blow to the back of Sutler’s neck sending him to the canvas.
Joe Hoffman: Massive blow by Ra…..
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Rah picks up Sutler and goes to throw him towards the ropes, but whips him back towards himself and delivers a spinning sidewalk slam. Cover.
Sutler is able to pop the shoulder at the last instant.
Joe Hoffman: SUTLER KICKED OUT!
Benny Newell: BULLSHIT! BITCHER AND HIS SLOW FUCKING COUNT!
Rah looks at Boettcher and he confirms it was a count of two.
Rah gets up and pulls Sutler to his feet before applying the dreaded….
Joe Hoffman: BEAR HUG! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME WE SAW THIS APPLIED IN HOW?!?!?!?
Benny Newell: Probably when I applied it to that French hooker when we were there for War Games.
Sutler yells out in agony as Rah uses his godly strength to squeeze the life out of the young Kael.
Joe Hoffman: A submission rarely seen today is being used to perfection right before our eyes.
Benny Newell: Fucking right it is! DRINK!
Sutler appears to be fading and as Boettcher goes to check Sutler comes to life trying to gain his freedom as he rocks the sides of Rah’s head with open palm strikes.
Joe Hoffman: Sutler has Ra……
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAH!
Joe Hoffman: Staggering from those strikes.
Rah’s grip begins to loosen and the Sunshine God uses his strength to lift Sutler up for a powerbomb.
Joe Hoffman: He’s looking to end it here with the Eye of Ra….
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAAH!
However, Sutler quickly rakes the eyes of Rah and one of his arms comes loose and that’s all Sutler needs to grab and slither around it like the snake he is.
Joe Hoffman: The Sutler Method is locked it.
Benny Newell: FUCK!
Sutler immediately pulls back and tightens his legs to constrict the flow of air going into the embodiment of the sun.
Joe Hoffman: Sutler has Ra…..
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Joe Hoffman: Down to one knee.
Rah tries to fight, but every time he tries he slips slower and slower into unconsciousness.
Crowd: RAH! RAH! RAH!
The crowd seems to be feeding life back into as he lets out a primal roar as he musters everything he has to deliver a ring shaking powerbomb.
Joe Hoffman: Eye of Ra…..
Benny Newell: RAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Both men lay on the canvas and Boettcher begins his count.
Joe Hoffman: That powerbomb took both men out and they aren’t moving.
Rah begins to stir.
Rah drapes an arm over Sutler.
Benny Newell: Fuck!
Joe Hoffman: Oh my! Sutler was able to get the shoulder up at the last minute! I don’t believe it!
Benny Newell: I don’t either Hoffman. Smells like bullshit to me!
Rah picks up Sutler and slings him over his shoulder and points to the nearest corner and begins to take off.
Joe Hoffman: Sunspot coming……..wait a minute!
Sutler is able to slip behind and as Rah turns around spit comes flying out of his mouth as Sutler delivers a super kick that staggers Rah back into the corner. Sutler stays on the attack as he almost sends Rah’s head into the rafters of MSG with a jumping knee, but Sutler isn’t done…..
Joe Hoffman: Sutler building up another head of steam.
As Sutler gets close to Rah he launches himself into the air and delivers knees to the face.
Joe Hoffman: Rah is staggered.
Sutler rolls to a seated position ready to strike and when Rah staggers near he channels Frank Dux as he doubles over Rah with a belly jiggling open palm strike.
Benny Newell: Watch the low blow RAAAAAAAAH!
Sutler doesn’t waste a moment as he hooks Rah and drives him fast first into the canvas.
Joe Hoffman: The Son of Sin!
Sutler hooks a leg as he goes for a cover.
Benny Newell: Dammit!
Bryan McVay: And your winner by pinfall……he is the President of Human Resources and the Son of Scions…….SUTLER! KAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEL!
A smile forms over the face of Sutler as he hears his name called in victory and relishes the victory even more as his arm is held high and the boos soothe his ears.
Joe Hoffman: A hard fought victory by Sutler here tonight.
Benny Newell: I think RAAAAAAAAAH! Is the real victor here tonight Hoffman because even though he lost he’s going to created some demi-gods tonight with those Sorority girls.
With that the action cuts to another commercial break.
Times Square Street Fight with Special Guest Referee Scottywood
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back as we now get ready to leave MSG and head over to Time Square for the five way LSD number one contenders street fight match.
Benny Newell: Best time of the night Joe, the cameras aren’t on us here, so I don’t have to wear pants.
Joe Hoffman: We still have twenty thousand fans here at MSG… they…. And especially me next to you, would appreciate it if you still wore pants.
Benny Newell: Fucking fine! So many fucking rules and regulations.
Joe Hoffman: That’s like the simplest one… pants Benny… pants are required.
Benny Newell: You haven’t been Zooming a lot these days, have you Joe.
Joe Hoffman: Remind me not to ever Zoom with you… anyhow, we have five men ready to battle it out in Time Square for a shot at the LSD Title with Special guest referee and five time LSD Champion, Hall of Famer Scottywood.
Benny Newell: The washed up has been, grabbing a sliver of spotlight before he fucking drowns himself in a fucking fermenter tank of IPA.
Joe Hoffman: Pots and kettles anyone?
Benny Newell: He just better remember his job is to count to three and that’s it. Which I barely think he’s even qualified to do.
Joe Hoffman: He does know these streets better than most here in HOW… and he certainly knows what it takes to win that LSD Title. Something three of these participants also know.
Benny Newell: Yeah, but the man who is going to win this match easily Joe is the one to win it last. Hughie Freeman.
Joe Hoffman: The new enforcer… or seeing guard dog for Lee Best.
Benny Newell: Yeah, make blind jokes about the man who loves stabbing people in the eye Joe.
Cutting away to a busy Time Square we see a #97Red Taxi cab rolling into frame before coming to a stop. The doors open on each side and we see the first two competitors for the match, Brian Hollywood and Darin Matthews.
Benny Newell: Hahaha, the fuckers had to share a taxi!
The two exit the cab as the driver extends his hand, expecting to be paid as Hollywood and Matthews look confused, thinking this was an HOW paid ride. The two quickly check their pockets, but being in street fight attire, they have no money. Matthews pulls out a stick of gum and hands it to the driver with a smile before turning away and walking into Time Square with the driver swearing at the two.
Benny Newell: And now those two fuckers are stiffing a hard working NYC taxi driver… what assholes!
Joe Hoffman: The cab has an HOW logo on it!
Benny Newell: Lee’s not running a charity cab service Joe! Those medallions are expensive.
A loud car horn starts honking as we see a beat up pick up truck roll into time square as the driver of it Zeb Martin hops out, fishing pole in hand and ready to fight.
Benny Newell: Is he looking to catch the pizza rat out of the sewer?
All of a sudden we hear sirens as an NYPD cruiser comes flying into the scene and slams right into Zeb Martin sending him flying from the street and straight through a window of a Bubba Gump Shrimp restaurant as some of the HOW fans scream in horror.
Joe Hoffman: Did that NYPD cruiser just kill Zeb Mart…
Benny Newell: It’s Hughie Freeman!
Smiling like a deranged madman, Hughie Freeman exits the NYPD cruiser as he surveyed the chaos he has caused. While Matthews and Hollywood start to make their way towards Hughie…
Hollywood drops to the ground as we see Teddy Palmer holding a pedestrian crosswalk sign in hand. He goes to swing it at Matthews but he ducks and spears Palmer to the sidewalk and starts hammering away at Palmer as the rage of Matthews from the last few weeks is fully coming out.
Joe Hoffman: And this street fight is under way!
Matthews busts Palmer open with a stiff elbow to the temple of Palmer as we see Hughie walk over from the police cruiser with a nightstick in hand and cracking Matthews across the back once, twice, three times. Tossing the nightstick to the ground, Matthews rolls off Palmer and onto his back as Hughie looks down at a man hole. Dislodging it, Hughie rolls it a few feet away next to Matthews’ head and it looks like he is gonna try to crush it under the manhole cover.
Joe Hoffman: That is a two hundred and fifty pound manhole cover! You’ll kill him!
Benny Newell: Good! And where is Scottywood?!? He’s about to have a cover to count! Stop drinking on the job and get out of whatever bar you’re in! Lee better be deducting his pay for being late tonight.
Joe Hoffman: Again… kettle… pot…
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, DRINK, DRANK, DRUNK
Hughie stops as the iconic theme blasts through Time Square as the camera cuts to where the New Year’s ball drops and the video board above it lights up with a giant anarchy symbol. We see Scottywood wearing an NHL referee jersey and holding his barbed wire hockey stick. The Hardcore Artist seems to be attached to a zip line as he jumps off the building and starts descending towards the camera on the zip line.
Benny Newell: What the fuck does he think he’s doing? Who approved all this for the fucking referee?
Joe Hoffman: The man who is still 39% Owner of HOW.
Benny Newell: Sure Joe… and I own part of Jack Daniel’s.
Scottywood reaches the ground a few feet from Hughie as he detaches from the zip line and points his hockey stick at Hughie to lay the manhole cover down. Hughie just laughs at Scotty and slams the manhole cover down towards Matthews head.
Joe Hoffman: Oh god!
Benny Newell: R.I.P. Matth…
Matthews though rolls out of the way just in time as the manhole cover crashes down and chips away at the sidewalk as Hughie curses at Scotty who chuckles as we suddenly see a guardrail fly across the screen and take out Hughie while the camera pans over to see Hollywood now laughing as he walks over to a hot dog cart. He pulls a metal pan out and throws the hot dogs and water at Palmer who has just gotten back up to his feet. Hollywood then cracks him straight over the head with the pan, opening up his wound even more before eating a superkick to the jaw.
Benny Newell: Hotdog Promise!
Joe Hoffman: First cover of the match.
Joe Hoffman: Palmer with the shoulder up!
Scotty waves off the cover as Hollywood nails Palmer with a hard right as he gets back to his feet and turns straight into Darin who has a stop sign in hand. The two men stare down as they seem to be debating whether they are going to throw down or work together. Suddenly we see the guardrail that took out Hughie slam down to the ground and Freeman charges at Hollywood and tackles him to the ground unleashing a fury of rapid fire punches. Either seeing his chance to attack Hughie or save Hollywood, Darin slams the stop sign across the back of Hughie which literally stops the assault. Darin drills it again, and again and again across the back of Hughie as he crumples off Hollywood.
Joe Hoffman: Team work or opportunity, it benefits Hollywood who was getting crushed by Freeman.
Benny Newell: This is bullshit Joe! Two teams against a singular Hughie Freeman.
Joe Hoffman: I’d agree it’s unfair, but Zeb Martin may be dead in Time Square. Can we get an update on his condition?
Darin drops the stop sign and drags Hughie up to his feet and over to the police car. He slams Hughie’s face off the hood of the car once… and then twice as he pulls Hughie up onto the hood with him. Darin then quickly hits a snap suplex that sends Hughie nearly completely through the windshield of the NYPD cruiser.
Benny Newell: Blasio is going to send you a bill for that Darin!
Joe Hoffman: For the car that Hughie stole?
Benny Newell: Pikey’s don’t steal things Joe! They craftily borrow. Could you please be a bit more PC! Fucking dickhole!
Darin quickly goes for a cover but half of Hughie’s back is hanging in the air through the front windshield of the car and Scotty shakes his head at Darin that his shoulder isn’t down. Pulling Hughie up to his feet, Darin seems to be calling for a discus clothesline, but Hughie ducks it and with his back covered in blood from the windshield glass kicks Darin straight in the balls. Nearly crippled, Darin manages to stay on his feet long enough for Freeman to nail Darin with a Fatality Punch that sends him off the car hood and to the asphalt below.
Benny Newell: Darin’s Dead! It’s all fucking over now!
Joe Hoffman: Hughie staring down Scottywood as he goes for the cover!
Just in the nick of time, Brian Hollywood slams a Citi Bike down across the back of Hughie, breaking up the pinfall as one of the pedals digs in hard to the Best Alliance members spine.
Benny Newell: Motherfucker! But drink for the product placement!
Hollywood drags Hughie to his feet as he leads him back towards the sidewalk and crowds of people as he goes to slam Hughie face off a support for the scaffolding over the sidewalk… but Hughie reverses it and plants Hollywood’s face straight into it, busting him open on one of the exposed bolts. Hughie stumbles away for a moment and into a nearby man holding a guitar.
Joe Hoffman: Is that…?
Benny Newell: The Naked Cowboy!
Hughie looks at the man with his white bikini bottoms and guitar covering his junk who starts to play for Freeman who is obviously not amused. He lays a hard punch on the “cowboy” which sends his hat flying as he grabs the guitar and rips it off his body, breaking the strap. Hughie turns back to Hollywood who is stumbling back around to Hughie who swings the guitar straight down on the head of Hollywood.
The guitar explodes as Hollywood collapses to the ground as the “naked cowboy” looks on in anger as blood pours down his face from the punch. He charges at Hughie as he goes for the cover but….
The barbed wire hockey stick of Scottywood’s comes down between the eyes of the Time Square sideshow as the cowboy crumbles to the ground and Scotty goes to count the cover.
Benny Newell: Is Scottywood helping Hughie? Has he joined The Best Alliance?!?!
Joe Hoffman: Or did he just wanna preserve the match and attack that cruddy cowboy?
We see a body fly off a nearby car and the elbow of Teddy Palmer drills into the already injured back of Hughie Freeman just before Scotty’s hand comes down for three. Emphatic wash outs come from Scotty as he calls no goal… or a kickout as Teddy continues to drive now knees into the back of Freeman while he can’t defend himself. But Hughie manages to roll away between knee strikes and boot Palmer in the gut, giving him enough space to climb back to his feet as the two men start trading blows in the middle of Time Square.
Joe Hoffman: Pure slugfest between these two as they are laying it all on the line for a shot at the LSD Title!
Hollywood meanwhile starts to pull himself up to his feet with the help of Scotty who pats him on the back… before booting him in the stomach and lifting him up onto his shoulders.
Joe Hoffman: Wait! What is Scottywood doing to Hollywood…
Benny Newell: Game Misconduct! Get over there and cover him Hughie!
Joe Hoffman: No… Scottywood is going for a cover on Hollywood… what the…
Frankie the Cameraman emerges from the crowd also wearing an NHL referee jersey as quickly makes the count.
Frankie calls for the bell….
Joe Hoffman: Serious… what the…
Benny Newell: Fuck! WHAT THE FUCK JOE!
Scottywood: Your winner and new number one contender for the LSD Title… Scottywood!
Palmer and Hughie have stopped trading blows as they turn to Scottywood and start yelling at him as he starts pointing to himself as the winner and Frankie raises his arm. Hughie lays him out with a quick headbutt as Palmer drills Hughie with another right. Frankie tries to break the two up as the match is Over. Hollywood meanwhile starts to slowly pull himself back up off the ground, wiping the blood away from his face.
Benny Newell: This is fucking bullshit Joe! Scotty was never in this match as a competitor! He can’t do this! Hughie needs to be declared the winner right now! Not my winner Scottywood!
Joe Hoffman: I am getting word from Lee Best right now that Scottywood is NOT a competitor in this match and that pinfall is VOID! This match continues!
Hollywood joins in the pushing and shoving as all four men are arguing as the fans start to scream and cheer as the camera pans to above the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. and we see Darin Matthews up on the scaffolding.
Joe Hoffman: What is he doing up….
Matthews wastes little time as he launches off the ten foot plus tall scaffolding and nails all four with a crossbody that takes everyone down.
Joe Hoffman: Matthews risking it all and cashes in on a huge cross body!
Benny Newell: That was a fucking OSHA violation! Where is the NYPD? Someone arrest him!
Joe Hoffman: Stolen NYPD cruiser… OSHA violation… seriously?!?
Darin throws Frankie the Cameraman to the side and grabs Teddy Palmer out of the group and hooks the leg for the cover…
Benny Newell: Both referees are out you idiot!
Joe Hoffman: Wait, Scottywood is stirring!
Ripping out his earpiece, that probably has the voice of Lee Best screaming at him through it, Scotty drops back down and make the count for Darin.
Palmer somehow just gets his shoulder up as Matthews yells out in frustration as Scotty again emphatically washes out the pinfall. All four men now lay on the asphalt of Time Square, clearly spent as again the crowd starts to cheer as a parting of fans forms from the entrance of Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.
Joe Hoffman: No… that can’t be… It’s Zeb Martin!
Benny Newell: All hail mighty Tom Hanks for sparing his life!
We see Zeb Martin holding two 20oz souvenir Bubba Gump pilsner glasses filled with beer as he limps out from the restaurant and towards Scottywood as he surveys the carnage that has taken place. He makes his way to The Hardcore Artist and hands him one of the souvenir pilsner glasses and cheers him as the two men down the beers and smashes the glasses down onto the ground.
Benny Newell: You idiots! Didn’t you see the sign inside that said you keep the glass?
Darin is the first to his feet as Zeb starts with some bar-fight punches that have him reeling backwards before Zeb kicks him in the gut and nails a fireman’s carry gutbuster. But as Zeb goes in for another attack, he’s nailed in the back by Hughie Freeman with a stiff forearm. Zeb turns around and ducks a spinning backfist strike and drills Freeman down to the asphalt with a spinebuster.
Benny Newell: Fucker chilled in Bubba Gump all match! This isn’t fair!
Joe Hoffman: Hughie hit him with a car! How is THAT fair?
Zeb limps back up to his feet as he looks around and catches a jumping facelock cutter out of nowhere from Brian Hollywood.
Joe Hoffman: Papercut!
Hollywood stalks Zeb as he lays on the ground but as he does we see Hughie Freeman come from the side with a Fatality Punch that sends Hollywood reeling back first hard into the side of the NYPD cruiser. Hughie goes to turn back to the injuried Zeb but we then see Darin Matthews flying at Hughie with the discus clothesline that nearly takes the Best Alliance member’s head off.
Joe Hoffman: The Ban Hammer!!
Benny Newell: No! That shit is banned! He’s banned! He can’t do that to a Best Alliance member!
Matthews wants to go for the cover but he sees Zeb Martin starting to stir. So Matthews pulls Hughie over to the cruiser and props him up against the open door. He grabs a set of handcuffs out of the front seat and cuffs Hughie arm to the open door.
Benny Newell: That is false imprisonment and impersonating an officer! Arrest that fucker!
Joe Hoffman: Hughie getting a taste of his own medicine as he is now chained to that cruiser he nearly killed Zeb Martin with!
Zeb is climbing back to his feet as Matthews charges towards him and again nearly takes a head off as he connects with a discus clothesline.
Joe Hoffman: A second Ban Hammer by Matthews! He could have it…
Benny Newell: Boot to the gut by Palmer!
Teddy Palmer is back in the fight as Matthews is doubled over and Palmer picks Matthews up for a pumphandle death valley driver.
Joe Hoffman: UnscripTED but Palmer! This is ov…
Benny Newell: Matthews just fell down into the manhole!
Joe Hoffman: That’s disgusting… oh the sewer opening… he did!
The force of the move by Palmer sent Matthews body rolling right into the open manhole that Hughie Freeman opened earlier in the match and nearly killed Matthews with the cover. Palmer looks in shock as he just hit him with his finisher as Scotty is nearly doubled over laughing at probably both that Palmer lost the man he was gonna cover… and that Darin just fell who knows how far down into a river of literal shit most likely.
Joe Hoffman: Palmer was so close… wait, he’s going to cover… Zeb?
Palmer shrugs and goes for the cover as Scotty nods his head at Teddy taking advantage of his downed partner and makes the count.
DING DING DING
Scottywood: Here is your winner… and number one contender for the LSD Title… Teddy Palmer!!!!
Palmer rolls off Zeb and just stares up at the light of Time Square, taking a moment before he sits up and sees The Hardcore Artist standing over him with his barbed wire hockey stick.
Joe Hoffman: Is Scotty gonna take out the new number one contender?
But The Hardcore Artist extends his hand and helps Teddy up to his feet as he raises his arm in victory as the two stare at each other, Teddy knowing how mad Scotty was he was eliminated from the DeNucci cup by him… and now holds a shot at the only title that has ever really mattered to The Hardcore Artist. But Scotty lets go of his arm and takes a couple steps back and just nods his heads as Teddy makes his way towards another HOW #97Red taxi pulls up to bring him back to Madison Square Garden.
Joe Hoffman: Well teddy now holds a chance to fight for the LSD Title after a brutal as all hell street fight where we thought Zeb Martin may have been killed… and we have no idea what the status of Darin Matthews is after he…
Benny Newell: No one cares Joe… move on… forget about him. The pizza rat has already eaten him alive.
Joe Hoffman: Well we will still try to get an update as March to Glory continues on, live on HOTv!
Action cuts to a commercial break…
10 and 2
Steve Harrison vs. Bobby Dean
Back live and “Take the Money and Run,” By The Steve Miller Man starts to play and the curtain flies open. Steve Harrison walks out with his arms in the air, a smirk across his face. He begins walking towards the rings and begins waving at that crowd who return his waves with boos and indifference. The smirk begins to fade after hearing the response so the Miracle Man begins jawing back at some of the audience and pointing to himself yelling over and over “ME, ME, ME!.”
Brian McVay: Introducing first! From Fairfax Virginia, weighing in at 245 pounds he is…STEVE HARRISON!
Steve walks faster to the ring his smirk now a scowl, he enters the rings and leans against one of the turnbuckles and begins talking to himself, his face becoming red in anger.
Just then “Don’t Stop” by Nothing More cues up and the Beautiful Man from Honalee, Bobby Dean, makes his way out from the back to a resounding chorus of cheers. The heart and soul of the eGG Bandits waves to the fans as he walks to the ring, keeping his eyes glued on Gilda all the while.
Brian McVay: And his opponent, from Houston, Texas…weighing in at 255 pounds…”Beautiful!” Bobby! Deeaaannnn!
Bobby slides in between the top and middle ropes and sheds his baby blue ring robe. With all participants in the ring, Joel Hortega calls for the bell and we’re underway.
Harrison and Dean lock up in the center of the ring, and right away Harrison takes the advantage by raking the eyes of Dean. The crowd boos the newest member of the Best Alliance as Dean stumbles backward into the corner covering his eyes.
Joe Hoffman: A dirty opening assault from Harrison has Bobby on the defense, but Harrison doesn’t follow up!
Benny Newell: That fat bitch got what he deserved.
Joe Hoffman: Not fat.
Harrison mocks Dean by making the crying gesture with his hands to his eyes as Bobby recovers. Dean clears his vision and sees what Harrison is up to and Dean becomes incensed. He charges to the middle of the ring and throws a wild barrage of punches that send Harrison back into the corner. Harrison covers up nicely as most of Bobby’s punches land on the upper arms of Harrison.
Benny Newell: Look at Bobby Dean! No style, no finesse. This guy is an amateur at best!
Benny Newell: Holy shit Hoff-nuts!
Joe Hoffman: A blistering right hand from Bobby Dean gets through!
The crowd in the world’s most famous arena jumps to their feet as Harrison drops face first into the mat. Dean can’t believe it as he stares down at Harrison and then at his fist. The crowd is dead silent as the look on Bobby’s face switches from vanilla shock to absolute wonderment. He hold his fist high in the air and the fans in attendance go absolutely bananas.
Benny Newell: That fat shit! That was a closed fist! Totally illegal!
Joe Hoffman: Are you new here, or just drunk? That was a hell of a shot from Bobby Dean, who is not fat! Harrison is down!
Benny Newell: He can’t believe it, that pudgy fuck. Get up Harrison!
Bobby drops to his knees and rolls Harrison over to his back and makes a cover. Joel Hortega, who seems to be shocked at the sequence of events as well, slides in for the count…albeit a couple of seconds late.
Benny Newell: What in the fuck!
Joe Hoffman: He did it! Holy cow! Bobby Dean did…
Bobby Dean jumps to his feet and the crowd in attendance is losing their shit jumping up and down and cheering wildly, but referee Joel Hortega has jumped to his feet as well and is pointing at Harrison’s foot, which is clearly under the bottom rope and outside of the ring.
Joel Hortega: ¡Su pie está fuera del ring! ¡Su pie está fuera del ring! ¡El matc continúa!
¡El matc continúa!
Joe Hoffman: Hortega telling Bobby Dean that the match must continue!
The crowd boos like crazy as Bobby crumbles to his knees with his hands covering his face.
Benny Newell: Holy shit, my balls are in my stomach! Could you imagine?! DRINK!
Joe Hoffman: Bobby Dean needs to get back on the offensive here, Harrison is starting to move!
Bobby Dean, with a look of absolute disbelief on his face, gets back to his feet and plants a boot right into the center of Harrison’s chest, followed by a precisely placed elbow drop. Dean doesn’t relent, and quickly gets back to his feet and drops the point of his elbow in the same exact spot the last one landed in. Dean makes a cover, and referee Joel Hortega drops down and makes the count.
Harrion kicks out a millisecond after the count of one, and Bobby Dean is quite clearly frustrated as he gets to his feet and pulls up Harrison to his. Bobby lands a couple of punches, forcing Harrison back against the ropes. Bobby sends Harrison across the ring with an Irish whip and on Harrison’s return Bobby wraps him tightly in a sleeper hold.
Joe Hoffman: Sleeper hold from Bobby Dean here! Harrison is already groggy, this is a nice move by Bobby Dean.
Benny Newell: A fuckin’ rest hold?! Jesus Christ. There’s a reason they call it the sleeper hold, Hofftits. Wake me when it’s over! DRINK!
The crowd cheers Bobby on as he cinches the hold in tightly; his elbow and forearm under Harrison’s chin and tightly wrapped around his neck. Harrison, clearly still in some peril from the knockout punch he took a few minutes ago, drops down to a knee as his face begins to turn red from the choke hold.
Joe Hoffman: Harrison down to a knee, and…
Joe Hoffman: What a chinbreaker from Harrison!
Dean flies backward and lands flat on his back, as Harrison grips the top of his head where he just smashed Bobby’s chin and slowly climbs to his feet. The crowd boos ferociously as Harrison mocks them with some inaudible jaw jacking.
Joe Hoffman: Harrison letting the crowd have it here. He’s learning real quick that the Best Alliance is only loved in Chicago.
Benny Newell: What the fuck are you talking about Hofflips? The Best Alliance is loved everywhere!
The crowd boos on cue as Harrison stumbles over to Bobby Dean and drives a boot into the former-fatty’s chest. Dean turns over to escape the attack of boots and narrowly escapes to the ropes. Dean gets to his feet quickly, but Harrison clobbers him back down to one knee with a stiff forearm smash to the back. Dean arches his back from the sting, and is sent crashing into the canvas by a beautifully executed German suplex from Harrison. Harrison is quickly back on the attack, and lifts Bobby back to his feet with a fist full of silver hair.
Joe Hoffman: Harrison not letting up here as he whips Bobby Dean into the turnbuckle!
Benny Newell: Harrison is earning his spot in the Best Alliance, Hoffnips. Don’t expect anything better than excellence from Steve Harrison!
Harrison charges across the ring and attempts a running splash, but Dean is able to move out of the way in just the nick of time, sending Harrison into the turnbuckle chest first. Harrison stumbles backward out of the corner and is planted down into the mat with the….
Joe Hoffman: Beautiful Dropkick! Out of nowhere!
Benny Newell: Fuck me runnin’! DRINK!
Joe Hoffman: Bobby Dean is back to his feet! He’s setting Harrison up!
Bobby Dean plants a kick into Harrison’s gut, doubles him over, and attempts to get Harrison set up for The Deaner Weiner. Dean attempts to lift Harrison, but Harrison goes full dead weight on him and is able to stay planted to the canvas. Dean abandons his finisher and plants a forearm across Harrisons back. Harrison arches back in pain, only to be doubled over once more with a boot to the cut and is then driven headfirst into the mat with a well-timed and beautifully executed DDT.
Joe Hoffman: Bobby Dean really making his presence felt here tonight against the Best Alliance member Steve Harrision!
Benny Newell: Can it, Hofftwat….he ain’t doin’ shit! Harrison is clearly playing possum you prick!
Bobby Dean springs to his feet and panders to the crowd. He points to the corner, signaling that he will climb to the top rope!
Benny Newell: He better keep his fat ass on the ground, I don’t know what this jolapy fuck is thinking.
Joe Hoffman: Not fat, but I agree with you here, Benny.
Dean slowly makes his way to the corner, but instead of going to the top rope, he hoists himself up onto the second rope.
Benny Newell: What the fuck is he doing?
Dean looks ready to leap, but the fear in his eyes becomes very evident as the crowd attempts to rally behind the vertigo-challenged former-fat-man. Dean is skittish, and he slowly takes a step down to the first rope. He holds his hands high up in the air and moderately flies below five-feet in the air and flattens Harrison with a well-placed elbow.
Joe Hoffman: Nice move from Bobby Dean, showing some aerial ability! He goes for the cover!
Benny Newell: Aerial ability? Are you fuckin’ kidding me? DRINK!
Dean is quick to his feet, but so is Harrison. Dean is able to keep his offensive momentum by whipping Harrison into the ropes and nails him with an inverted atomic drop. Harrison reaches for his nether regions and stumbles around the ring as the crowd cheers Bobby on. Harrison wanders right into a stiff right hand that turns him around one-hundred-eight degrees. Bobby seizes the opportunity given to him and executes a butt-blistering atomic drop that sends shivers up the tailbone of Steve Harrison.
Joe Hoffman: Bobby getting in a good amount of offense here!
Benny Newell: It’s only a matter of time, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: What did you call me?
Benny Newell: … DRINK …
Harrison holds onto his lower back as he stumbles away from Dean and into the corner. Dean is quick to follow up and lands a couple of stiff punches before lifting Harrison up onto the second rope. Dean throws a haymaker at his perched opponent, but Harrison block and hammers a stiff right hand into the side of Bobby Dean’s head.
Benny Newell: The Best Alliance fights from anywhere. On the ground or in the air. Never underestimate a member of the alliance!
Dean spins around, facing away from Harrison. Harrison takes control and pulls Bobby in tight wraps his legs around him to secure him in place.
Joe Hoffman: Harrison is pulling that bandage off his head and is now choking Bobby Dean with it!
UNO! DOS! TRES!
Benny Newell: Calm your tits Hortega!
The referee counts away at Harrison’s illegal hold.
Joe Hoffman: Harrison lets go of the bandage just in the nick of time!
Harrison lets the bandage fall to the canvas, and Joel Hortega immediately kicks it under the bottom rope and out of the ring. Harrison kicks Dean out of the corner and slowly climbs down from the second rope. Bobby Dean charges in with a clothesline, but Harrison ducks out of the way and Bobby crashes into the turnbuckle chest first. Dean stumbles backward only to be spun around by Harrison who locks Bobby up with a body lock and then sends him across the ring with a powerful belly-to-belly suplex.
Benny Newell: Did you see that?! YES! DRINK!
Joe Hoffman: Nice sequence from Steve Harrison!
The momentum of the belly-to-belly suplex launches Dean right back up to his feet and once more Harrison sends Dean across the ring with a belly-to-belly suplex. The Madison Square Garden crowd boos wildly as Harrison rushes to Dean and lifts him to his feet. Harrison lands a couple of punches and whips Dean off the ropes. Harrison flattens Dean to the mat with a hard clothesline that further infuriates the anti-Best Alliance crowd.
Benny Newell: So pretty. So pretty.
Joe Hoffman: We can agree on that one Benny!
Benny Newell: Shut the fuck up and DRINK!
Dean slowly crawls to his feet.
Joe Hoffman: Enlightenment!!!
Dean is stunned and falls flat on his back but springs back up to his feet.
Benny Newell: It’s a Harricle!!!! YES!
Harrison makes the cover and Joel Hortega slides in for the count.
DING! DING! DING!!!!
Joe Hoffman: What a match! Both men left it all on the table, but the Best Alliance member Steve Harrison is the winner here tonight!
Benny Newells: I told you, you fuckin’ jackwagon!
Harrison celebrates in the ring by rolling Bobby underneath the bottom rope and to the outside floor. Harrison marches over to the corner and climbs to the second turnbuckle as “Take the Money and Run” by the Steve Miller Band plays throughout the arena as the action inside the arena ends for the evening as we take our final commercial break.
It does a body good..
Dan Ryan vs. Michael Lee Best
Back from final commercial and we cut back live to literally the very top of Madison Square Garden where we see Lee Best being loaded into a waiting helicopter with his bodyguard Redrum. As soon as the men enter the helicopter it quickly begins ascending into the NYC sky.
We cut to a cameraman inside the helicopter and we see that Lee and Redrum are not alone as longtime HOFC referee and a personal hiring of Michael Lee Best, Rick “Even” Stevens is on board as well.
We follow the travel for the three as they head towards the USS Octane that is docked just outside Liberty Island and the Statue of Liberty.
After a few minutes we see the helicopter begin to descend and it lands on the desk of the USS Octane. The men exit and the chopper promptly takes off again.
Stevens heads towards the HOFC octagon while Redrum leads Lee towards the staircase on deck and towards the captains quarters.
With that we cut to the announcers who will be calling this fight remotely from MSG.
Joe Hoffman: Well folks it is time for the finale of the first ever DeNucci Cup. One has to suspect after his loss earlier tonight that Michael is NOT wanting to leave tonight a double loser.
Benny Newell: Will NOT fucking happen. No fucking way. I don’t give a fuck how much Michael has been on a so called auto pilot setting the last several months….his pride will NOT allow him to lose. No fucking way.
Joe Hoffman: I dunno Benny….I think its finally that moment in time where Michael finally transitions into the role that he has been claiming to be for the last couple years really….a real number two to Lee Best and a full time suit.
Benny Newell: No. Fucking. Way.
Joe Hoffman: Well we have to talk about his opponent Dan Ryan as well. This man has come SO CLOSE on several times regarding the World Championship and tonight the former ICON Champion gets an opportunity to become the first HOFC champion of this Refueled Era.
Benny Newell: I will be interested in the amount of tears the big man spills when he LOSES once AGAIN to the SON. I don’t care how good their relationship is outside of the ring…..at some point losing all the time to your BEST FRIEND cannot be easy. Fucking Kostoff wouldn’t care. Just sayin.
Joe Hoffman: Well the time for talk is over folks. It is time. Final match of the DeNucci Cup. Lets go!
We cut to the octagon where both Dan Ryan and Michael Lee Best are already in the cage. There is no need for entrances as the USS Octane has no fans on it tonight. The only folks on the ship other than the fighters are the ones that just arrived via helicopter.
This match….this moment….its all about the HOFC Championship.
Dan and Mike face off as we get a great visual of the HOFC octagon with the Statue of Liberty in the background.
Rick “Even” Stevens enters the cage and explains the rules to both men as Joe does the same for the viewers watching on HOTv.
Joe Hoffman: Ok folks here are the rules. Five minute long rounds of action. We will go until someone is knocked out or submits. There are no pinfalls and there are no disqualifications. Think of this as a mix between MMA and our standard wrestling matches.
Benny Newell: Think of this as the moment Mike Best begins plants his flag as the greatest High Octane wrestler of all time. That’s all you should be thinking about Joe.
Joe Hoffman: I heard you say that earlier and we have a new World Champion so….
Benny Newell: Quit living in the past asshole……speaking of the past…will there be any dead relatives showing up for Dan tonight like at ICONIC?
Joe Hoffman: Really?
Back in the Octagon Rick motions that the fighters are ready and looks down at his 97red banded watch and signals for the fight and starts the 5 minute timer.
Joe Hoffman: Here we go folks…..and before we get too far just want to say one more time that I think everyone is proud of how the DeNucci Cup went off and I know DeNucci is smiling down on this fight tonight hoping something explodes and a gerbil finds its way out of Lee’s ass.
Benny Newell: A SSE reference? Ill allow it.
Back in the Octagon we see the two men start circling each other. Ryan being undoubtedly the fresher of the two, pushes forward several times but Mike is able to sidestep. It is clear the former World Champion is in no hurry to engage…at least not yet.
Joe Hoffman: It is clear that Mike has a gameplan. The only question is where Mike is mentally going into this match…especially after the way he lost earlier….that was a BRUTAL way to lose the World Championship.
Benny Newell: Fuck off Joe. This is clearly the one thing Mike gives a true fuck about. You honestly think he is still thinking about earlier? He has moved on. Its win or go home for Mike. This fucker is NOT going home!
Joe Hoffman: Well unlike earlier, Mike is at a clear size disadvantage here as Ryan outweighs him by at least 70lbs and has almost a full 6 inches on him as well.
Benny Newell: Mike is taller than Ryan when he is lying down. Only thing that matters.
Joe can only shake his head as back in the octagon Mike continues to sidestep the attempts by Dan to engage.
Ryan is clearly getting frustrated as he continues to try and take the action to Mike but the Hall of Famer is having nothing of it.
Ryan tries a straight forward assault but Mike hops to his left and as he does his right knee buckles on him, clearly still feeling the effects from the opening match of the evening.
Mike falls down and grabs at his knee but Ryan pounces quickly and jumps on top of the man and begins delivering right hands as Mike tries to cover up.
Joe Hoffman: Sad to see here folks. Mike’s knee gave out and you had to know that he KNEW that was going to happen at some point tonight and I wonder why he didn’t put on a knee brace for this fight.
Benny Newell: Probably because he didn’t want to get a C and D from a Murray…..or because he DIDN’T WANT DAN TO KNOW IT WAS HURT YOU ASSHOLE!!!
Mike rolls over to his stomach to try and protect his face from the right hands but Dan smartly begins punching the kidneys of the Son and Mike is almost forced to roll back over and as he does he quickly nails Ryan with a thumb to the eye.
Ryan falls backwards and Mike quickly crawls away and uses the cage to slowly get up to his feet. As he does Stevens mentions that there is only two minutes left in the round and seeing Ryan still struggling with his eye…….Mike charges.
Joe Hoffman: I KNEED A HERO???!!!!
Mike jumps to deliver his finisher but as he does his left knee gives out and he barely gets off the ground and it was all for naught anyway as Ryan was clearly playing possum. The bigger man catches Mike and quickly lifts him even higher in the air and brings him down with a hard powerbomb in the center of the octagon.
Joe Hoffman: It is clearly just too much for Mike. It is sad to see him go out on his sword like this. Two matches….one night…..for EVERYTHING…..just sad to see him in there hurting like this.
Rick Stevens signals for the end of the round as Ryan drops a final elbow to the heart of the Son of GOD.
Joe Hoffman: Well you cannot blame Mike for wanting to try and end this fight early with the knee attempt but I just don’t see that being an option tonight for him.
Benny Newell: He has more body parts than a damn knee. Don’t worry about him. Worry about that old fuck Dan Ryan.
Joe Hoffman: Well lets be fair here. Ryan was expecting an early killshot attempt from Mike and he caught him in it and delivered most of the offense in round one. Lets see how he will restart the momentum he had as it is time for round two to begin.
Stevens motions for both men to sign off that they are ready and both do and he starts his watch and the next five minute round has begun.
Ryan immediately rushes Mike and there is nowhere for Mike to go as he tries to land a right hand but he only connects with Ryans shoulder as the bigger man drives his forearm into the side of the face of the shorter opponent.
The force of the blow sends Mike stumbling back and Ryan literally runs after him and lands another right forearm and this time Best falls to the canvas. Ryan grabs the right leg of Mike and promptly locks in a Fujiwara kneebar and falls back to the canvas on his back and leans back with all his force to try and force a submission.
Joe Hoffman: Even though he is 6’7” and 305 pounds do not SLEEP on the technical prowess of Dan Ryan. What a submission hold he has locked in right now.
Mike sits up and starts punching at the rib cage of Dan but the big man refuses to release the hold.
Mike continues to punch the ribs of Dan and now there is a clear desperation in his punches as he unloads quickly and violently and slowly Dan loses his positioning and lets go of the hold.
Joe Hoffman: Just pure desperation and the will to survive there by Mike. But that knee……
Holding his ribs, Dan gets up and promptly stomps on the knee of Mike and the former World Champion screams out in pain as Stevens yells at the men that there is only one minute left in this round.
Mike is slowly pulling himself away from Dan and towards the far side of the octagon but Ryan just smirks as he stalks him and promptly drops and elbow on the knee of Mike. He grabs the ankle of Mike and quickly pulls back and he wrenches on the foot and knee of Mike until Stevens screams to let go of the hold as the second round comes to an end.
Joe Hoffman: Thru two rounds it is total domination by Dan Ryan.
Benny Newell: Just say when Joe. You know the drill. The next round is Mike’s. ill bet on it.
As Mike struggles to get to his side of the octagon for the quick break the cameras capture him telling to Dan that he will have to kill him to win….he will not submit.
Joe Hoffman: You gotta admire the courage here of Mike but is it time for someone to throw in the towel for him?
Benny Newell: What the hell you getting at Joe?
Joe Hoffman: You saw what Mike said at the end of the round. He will NOT quit. For his own health and safety SOMEONE will have to toss in the towel.
Benny Newell: You need to just let that go Joe. Fucking Let it go you fucking Disney princess.
Back in the octagon and Stevens signals for round three to begin and this time Mike charges at Dan Ryan hoping to catch the man off guard.
Mike rocks him with a right hand and another one and punches Dan back to the steel mesh of the cage but a quick right heel to the inside of the left knee of Mike and the offensive momentum is all but lost before it can begin as Mike drops down to a knee involuntarily and Ryan nails Mike with a forearm smash that knocks the Hall of Famer back to the mat.
He quickly follows that up with another elbow drop to the knee of Mike. He pops up and drops another.
Then another….and another…and another….and another…and another…and another…….
A quick pause for the cause and Ryan drops a 10th and final elbow drop to the knee of Mike.
Ryan jumps up to his feet and screams out in a primal rage out as he is clearly fired up.
Joe Hoffman: I cannot watch this. This is sickening.
Benny Newell: ONLY A MATTER OF TIME JOE……JUST TELL ME WHEN!!!
Joe shakes his head in disagreement with Benny as back in the octagon Dan turns back towards Mike and slowly pulls the man up to his feet by his hair. Mike can barely stand as Dan looks down at his friend and pulls his head towards him and promptly drops Mike headfirst to the canvas with a impact DDT.
Ryan, sitting up next to Mike, wipes his hands as if he is wiping dirt off them and motions to the camera that this is over.
Joe Hoffman: Hard to argue here with Ryan. This does not feel like one of those matches where Mike takes 97% of the damage only to scrape out a win at the end. This is all Ryan and this is the end of Mike.
Benny Newell: Keep saying it Joe. Keep fucking saying it. You will regret the fuck outta that.
Back in the octagon Stevens tells the fighters that there is less than a minute left and Ryan rolls Mike over and points at Stevens and tells Mike to tell the referee that he quits.
Mike slowly raises his hand and flips off Ryan.
Expecting nothing less than that as a reply, Ryan smiles before landing one more right hand as the third round comes to an end.
Joe Hoffman: Three rounds to zero for Dan Ryan now. He has to just avoid the out of nowhere knee strike from Mike and he is going to be our HOFC Champion.
Benny Newell: Just tell me when Joe. I am telling you. We are NOT going to see Michael Lee Best go out this way. No fucking way.
Back in the octagon Stevens asks the fighters if they are ready to continue and both nod and he starts the timer for the fourth round.
Ryan, expecting a charging attack from Mike, waits for his opponent…..but there is no charge.
Mike does not even step forward. He is literally leaning against the cage and is not even looking at Dan Ryan.
He is looking at the man to the right of him….a man that is standing literally right next to the octagon accompanied by his bodyguard…….his dad.
Joe Hoffman: Well Lee has decided to take a cat birds seat here for what could be the final round of this fight. I am not sure why…I mean he is blind.
Benny Newell: Ah but Redrum isn’t you idiot and last time Lee and Redrum were on this ship for a HOFC battle Lee got blinded by Kostoff so you better believe he doesn’t wanna have his Son meet the same fate.
Dan Ryan, who can give two shits about blind Lee, charges Mike and nails him with a corner avalanche that smashes Mike against the steel of the octagon.
NOW Ryan looks towards Lee and tells the owner of the company that he is about to knock his Son out……..and he promptly tries to do just that as he picks up Mike and holds him in a Gorilla Press Slam position and tells Lee to Fuck Off before dropping his Son in the middle of the Octagon.
Lee’s expression is blank however. Although he has no vision he can hear what is going on but one has to wonder what he is thinking about what is happening.
Joe Hoffman: Redrum is clearly giving Lee play by play as we continue to see him bend down and whisper into Lee’s ear……but quite frankly I have no idea why Lee is here at cageside….unless…
Benny Newell: Unless what asshole?
Then the camera captures the answer to Benny’s question. Redrum reaches inside his jacket and pulls out a white towel. He grabs Lee’s right hand and places the towel in his hand and whispers something else into the ear of Lee.
Joe Hoffman: There ya go folks. Lee is here to personally see the end of Mike’s run here in High Octane Wrestling and what a fitting setting….the finals of the DeNucci Cup.
Back in the octagon Mike has been pulled back up to his feet and his eating right hands from Dan . After each blow he catches a quick glimpse of Lee and you can see his eyes start to well up…..
Stevens rushes in and stops Ryan before he lands another right hand as the fourth round comes to an end.
Mike has to be carried to his corner by Stevens as we see Lee slowly remove his sunglasses and appears to make eye contact (?) with Mike and slowly nods.
The end is next.
Joe Hoffman: Well we have one more scheduled final round. Still time for a miracle if you are ChristPlow era fan of Mike’s.
Benny Newell: This is the round!! Takes all the damage and catches Dan with a quick strike and wins it all!!
Back in the octagon Stevens signals for the fifth round to start and once again Mike does not move. He is completely done.
Suddenly everyone stops as we see Redrum helping Lee up on the base of the cage and now Lee is standing next to Mike.
Mike looks up at Lee and is not sure if he heard his Father right.
This time Lee is in full dad mode as he tells Mike to Fight in a very stern voice.
“MICHAEL LEE BEST…GET YOUR FUCKING ASS UP AND FUCKING FIGHT!!!!”
Lee is now screaming at Mike and on the other side of the octagon Dan Ryan, who was laughing a minute ago, now sees the physical change in Mike as the Son of God slowly stands up straight and turns towards Dan.
“YOU GO DOWN FUCKING FIGHTING….IF NOT FOR ME….FOR FUCKING ROB……NOW FUCKING FIGHT!!”
Lee slams his hand on the top of the Octagon and the sound snaps Mike into attention and he rushes Dan Ryan.
Benny Newell: I fucking told you!!! HERE WE GO…….NOW WE FUCKING GO…..NOW WE WIN!!!!
Mike rushes Dan and ducks under a right hand, spins Dan around and leg kicks Dan right in the back of the knee and now it’s the 6’7” man who is cut down to size and on his knee.
Mike follows that up with right forearm to the ear of Ryan and he continues to swing violently over and over again until Ryan is down on the canvas covering up.
Mike looks over at Lee and screams and turns back towards Ryan and gets in the mounted position and raises his right elbow..
Joe Hoffman: MURDER ELBOWS!!!
But before Mike can even hit one, Dan Ryan violently tosses Mike to the side and wipes away the blood streaming from the corner of his eye.
Joe Hoffman: Dan is clearly still fresh as he was able to toss Mike to the side before the Hall of Famer could land even one elbow…if that is what he was planning.
Dan staggers to his feet and as he does …it happens.
Benny Newell: I KNEED A HERO!!!!!! I NEED A FUCKING DRINK!!!!
Mike nails Ryan with his finisher and they both crumple to the ground. The adrenaline wearing off suddenly brings in a shit ton of pain for Mike as he grabs at his knee as Dan Ryan slowly rolls over to his side as Stevens begins a ten count on both men.
Joe Hoffman: I LEGIT HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT???!!!
Mike hears Stevens counting and starts to crawl for the cage as Ryan is still not moving.
Mike reaches the cage and slowly begins to pull himself up
Dan begins to stir finally and begins to try to get to his feet
Mike is up to one knee as is Dan
Mike reaches his feet and turns to see that Dan literally gets to his feet with only 0.25 to spare.
Stevens waves off the ten count
Mike hangs his head in disappoint, mouths the words fuck it, and charges Dan Ryan for the final time.
Ryan turns and sees him coming just in time.
Both men go down in a heap.
Neither men are moving and there is blood pouring across the canvas from underneath them.
That is when we see it.
The camera zooms in on an object in the middle of the ring.
Rob Michaels HOF Ring.
The viewers at home are shown a replay of and we see Mike Best reaching into his tights and with a sleight of hand he puts the ring on his hand before rushing Dan Ryan.
The force of the blow completely tore apart the temple of the big man and as we go back live we see Mike slowly getting to his feet as Stevens hits the 8 count….
Stevens signals for the bell and Michael collapses to his knees.
Bryan McVay (remotely) : WINNER OF THE MATCH VIA KNOCKOUT AND NEEEEWWWW HOFC CHAMPION……MICCCCHHHHAEEEELLLL LEEEEEE BEEEESSSTTTTT!!!
Michael hears the call over the speakers set up and has ALL the emotions as Lee Best enters the octagon and personally hands the HOFC Championship to Michael.
Lee Best: You are going to retire Son……but not today. Today you are a Champion.
With that March to Glory ends