Event Date: May 7, 2023
- 1. #10 Michael Lee Best vs. #3 Jace Parker Davidson
- 2. You will do nothing
- 3. The Sun has Set
- 4. Circle Jerk
- 5. #21 Brian Hollywood vs. #16 Marvolo
- 6. Hometown Hero
- 7. #13 Jatt Starr vs. #12 Charles de Lacy
- 8. No Hablo English
- 9. #10 Darin Zion vs. #6 Aceldama
- 10. Time to End This
- 11. Eternal Delusion
- 12. The Most Awesome Team
- 13. #2 Dan Ryan vs. #19 Xander Azula
- 14. Chaos Reigns Supreme
- 15. Mi Nombre es...
#10 Michael Lee Best vs. #3 Jace Parker Davidson
Suddenly the lights go pitch black as the audience is lit up by thousands of lights from phones being held in the air. The High Octane Vision screen at the top of the ramp lights up as a large skull with a crown on its head appears on screen.
“THE KING… IS HERE!”
The sound of “HAIL TO THE KING” by Avenged Sevenfold blasts from the speaker system. The crowd begins a chorus of boo’s as smoke begins to build up on stage. Abdullah Choi makes his way out through the smoke first followed by STRONKETTE. They stand on either side of the stage as HOW Hall of Famer Jace Parker Davidson makes his way out through the smoke. Jace soaks in the hatred from the fans. The HOW LSD Championship belt displayed around his waist.
Bryan McVay: From Denver, Colorado, weighing in tonight at 253 lbs. He is a HOW Hall of Famer. He is a LSD Champion in HOW history. He is the King of Everything. Here is JACE! PARKER! DAVIDSON!
Joe Hoffman: Welcome everyone to another Sunday night of Chaos!! I am Joe Hoffman and as always I am joined by my fellow Hall of Fame announcer….Benny Newell!!!
Benny Newell: Another week…another show kicking off with the Son going for full out murder…..I mean look at Jace….Dead.Man.Walking.
Jace walks down to the cage sneering, his normal ring gear has been switched out for a pair of blue jeans.
Joe Hoffman: Jace dressing the part tonight. This is NOT a wrestling match…this is a fight.
Benny Newell: Fight yes…….Murder…..probable.
Bryan McVay: Making his way to the ring, the only 10 time champion in HOW history, the greatest wrestler of his generation, the SON of GOD, the CEO…
Houston erupts with a chorus of boos as Michael Lee Best steps forth from the back. He looks around at the crowd as Bryan McVay goes through the introduction
Bryan McVay: MICHAEL LEE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST!
Benny Newell: I am so fucking excited. Look at Rick, even Rick is in there smiling.
Joe Hoffman: Didn’t you used to like Jace?
Benny Newell: People make choices Joe……Jace made his…..and thus all of us that support the GOD of HOW….well we made ours.
Hanzel Und Gretyl’s ‘Hallelujah’ blares through the arena as Mike stomps down the entrance ramp. He hops up onto the cage wall ignoring the door and looks around. He looks back down at Jace, and then hops into the ring. Rick Stevens finishes checking Jace for weapons then calls for the bell.
DING DING DING
Joe Hoffman: And here we go!
Benny Newell: Mike Best competing once again in HOFC, Lee is somewhere in the building. This is the best night ever.
Mike starts slowly stalking after Jace. Jace just stands there, he starts checking over his fingernails, doing anything he possibly can to appear bored. Mike snarls and explodes forward, he punches Jace in the stomach, as the Denver Dimes owner doubles over, Mike unloads with a right hand that smashes Jace across the jaw. Mike steps back, motioning for Jace to come at him, the LSD champion gets back to his feet and shrugs his shoulders.
Joe Hoffman: What is Jace doing in there?
Benny Newell: Trying to annoy Mike.
Joe Hoffman: Is it working?
Benny Newell: I can’t tell.
Mike comes in again, this time looking to punch Jace, but Jace locks him up with a collar and elbow tie up. Mike tries to shove his way out, but Jace keeps it locked in and marches Mike up against the cage. Mike throws a knee, but Jace quickly spins Mike around into a hammerlock. He twists the arm, grabs the wrist, and pulls the arm up behind Mike’s back. Mike struggles, in a small amount of pain, and more frustrated at the demobilization. Mike spins his shoulder towards Jace, breaking the hammerlock, and driving his skull into the side of Jace’s head.
Benny Newell: GET HIM!
Jace snarls, shaking his head, trying to shake off the blow. Mike fires off a knee into Jace’s midsection, but JPD catches the knee, and lifts Mike up and over his head. Throwing him to the canvas with an exploder suplex.
Joe Hoffman: I guess Jace is trying to wrestle him?
Benny Newell: He made it clear that cage fighting is not his thing……go with what works….fucking NERD.
Jace looks to the cage, he runs across the cage and jumps into the air looking for a leg drop. Mike rolls out of the way, and Jace hits the ground holding his tailbone. Mike doesn’t leave his knees and explodes forward, tackling Jace Parker Davidson down to the mat of the cage. Mike throws a few right hands, while Jace is very confused. Mike rips right through the guard of Jace and into half guard. Mike postures up, straddling Jace’s leg.
Benny Newell: Mike looking as good as fucking ever….
A right hand crashes down into Jace’s face, bloodying his nose. Another, then another follow. Jace is looking rocked, and has to do the only thing he knows how to do. He starts trying to punch back from the bottom. Mike leans back out of the way, and manages to dodge the incoming weakened blows. Mike loads up a hammerfist, and brings it down across the bridge of JPD’s already bleeding nose as the bell rings.
DING DING DING
Joe Hoffman: That was quite the first round.
Benny Newell: I thought Mike was going to kill him. I thought he had him dead.
Joe Hoffman: I think he did Benny, but I think Jace managed to stall long enough to prevent himself from getting taking the death blow.
Jace makes his way over to the stool in his corner and just stares across the ring, blood pouring out of his nose like a spicket. Mike didn’t even sit down. He stands in his corner, bouncing around on the balls of his feet. He’s ready to go.
DING DING DING
Mike shoots across the cage right away and leaps.
Benny Newell: I KNEED A-
Joe Hoffman: Jace gets out of the way!
Benny Newell: SHIT!
Mike’s knee crashes into the cage and Jace jumps up to his feet. He starts kicking at Mike’s knee, bringing down blow after blow to the leg. Jace grabs the leg, and drops an elbow drop onto Mike’s knee. He gets up, and does a leg drop onto the leg as well. Jace grabs Mike’s knee, and just starts punching the side of it, over and over again.
Joe Hoffman: Smart there….that knee is the most protected and devastating knee in the Kingdom of High Octane.
Benny Newell: Mike has two. He can go with the stranger if he KNEEDS to……..see what I did there?
Joe Hoffman: I got you Benny…..
Joe can only shake his head as Benny smirks to himself over his own play on words.
Mike finally breaks up the knee punches by sitting up and firing off an elbow strike to Jace’s face. Jace lets go, as Mike starts to take the upperhand. Mike grabs Jace around the waist, with Jace’s head in his crotch. He picks Jace up in the air, but his knee wobbles and gives out. Jace falls flat on his face, while Mike limps around the ring, trying to get his knee working.
Joe Hoffman: Mike’s going to be missing some explosiveness, and power.
Benny Newell: It’s a flesh wound! No big deal! NOTHING IS WRONG JOE!
Mike smacks his knee a few more times while Jace slowly gets up to his feet. Jace tries to keep his distance, he tries to kick Mike in the knee, but Mike checks the leg kick, and fires back with a right hand. Then a left jab, right hook to the body combination that folds Jace in half. A left boot to the side of the head sends Jace spinning around, and as he comes back Mike smashes him with a spinning backfist. Jace sprawls across the ground like he was shot. Rick Stevens starts counting right as Jace hits the mat.
Joe Hoffman: BACKFIST! BACKFIST!
Jace kicks out.
Benny Newell: Did he just?
Joe Hoffman: Yeah. Yeah he did.
Benny Newell: I guess…
Joe Hoffman: I guess what they say is true, Benny. People can kick out on instinct alone. We just saw it here.
Mike shakes his head and goes back to tending to his knee. Jace slowly starts to move, bringing himself up to a knee.
Jace takes the full time to collect himself, before getting back to his feet.
Jace stands up. Mike is quick across the cage and back to trying to punch Jace’s teeth down his throat. He throws a right hand, Jace fires one back, Mike, not interested in trading, unloads a left hook to the body, then a right hook. He spins again, this time Jace ducks. Jace loads up a superman punch and leaps at Mike, but Mike moves away. Jace lands awkwardly, he turns around and Mike absolutely destroys him with a spinning back elbow that sends Jace sprawling to the mat. Rick Stevens calls for the bell.
DING DING DING
Joe Hoffman: TIME was on Jace’s side there. Saved by the literal Bell.
Benny Newell: Jace is the Screech to Mike’s AC SLATER……FUCKING NERD WITH DICK PICKS ALL OVER TWITTER!!
Joe Hoffman: Screech would never….
Benny Newell: Google is your friend Joe…
Jace is still out, while Mike walks back to his corner and uses the stool to stretch his knee out. Stevens checks in with Jace, JPD finally gets to his feet and half stumbles to the side of the cage. The point of the elbow had hit Jace just below the eye, and now his good eye was swelling.
The sound of Joe throwing his phone to the side can be heard.
Benny Newell: Told ya……JACE IS SCREECH….SCREECH IS JACE
Back inside the cage it is time for the next round to begin….
DING DING DING
Mike stomps across the cage and grabs the groggy Jace from behind, he spins him around into another boxing combination. Left jab, right hand to the body, left hook to the body, looping right hand that catches Jace on the button, dropping him to his knees.
Benny Newell: HERE WE GO!
Mike comes across the ring again and absolutely levels Jace in the face with his knee.
Benny Newell: I KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED A HEEEEEEEEEEEEERO!
Joe Hoffman: Goodnight, Jace Parker Davidson.
Benny Newell: WHO CARES!? HE’S ON THE WRONG TEAM!
Stevens quickly begins the ten count and the crowd counts along with him…..
Stevens signals for the end of the fight as multiple hot dogs fly into the ring, bun missing. Just the hot dog. McVay and Rick Stevens dodge the flying hot dogs and hold Mike’s arm in the air.
Bryan McVay: The winner by knockout… MICHAEL LEE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST!
Joe Hoffman: Dollar dog night in Houston?
Benny Newell: Obviously these poors must have gotten paid this Friday if they are wasting food like this…….someone ask Jace when he wakes up if he now TRULY knows how the hot dog is made.
Joe….once again….can only shake his head as we cut away.
You will do nothing
The camera cuts backstage and we see Christopher America standing in his letter jacket with the HOW World Championship on his shoulder.
He smiles devilishly, soaking in the boos that are permeating the building.
Christopher America: It’s almost time. War Games is soon upon us. What you have is a match brimming with several of the best multi-faceted, talented wrestlers ever to be signed on to a roster.
You have four illustrious captains composed of current and future Hall of Famers. Men who know what it takes to win.
And I know that I’m the marked man in the match. I’m the targeted man. Hell, let’s skip the adjectives… to borrow a phrase, I’m THEE man.
And while Lee Best has done his damndest to ensure this lovely lady stays in The Final Alliance, I am doing my damndest to ensure that she stays with me.
And while I should be focusing solely on War Games, I…
America chuckles to himself.
Christopher America: I have to divert part of my attention to one Joseph Q. Bergman.
And well, Joey. It’s getting sad now, isn’t it?
Why do you think you keep attaching yourself to Wrexham like you are? Do you think you see some part of yourself in them? That somehow, as an underdog, you’re going to achieve the impossible? Or is the more likely answer… the truthful answer… that they are a bit of pop culture you’re hoping to attach yourself to so you seem more palatable to an audience?
Oh don’t get me wrong, we’ve seen it before. I remember when The Dark Knight came out and half of HOW’s locker room was running around trying to brood, lurk in the shadows, “rattle the cages,” and wax philosophical about order vs CHAOS. Or when the latest Marvel film comes out and people latch themselves onto its themes like a crutch because their lives and trash talk are so fucking boring.
Just like you’re doing now.
Ordinary wants to be, even for a brief moment, extraordinary.
But that’s the key word, isn’t it?
But will never achieve.
Joey, let me CONTINUE to be honest. I don’t give two shits about whether I can beat you fair and square. The only things I care about are this championship, winning, and America. And if this championship and winning come at the expense of your balls or Xander Azula and the Eternal Circle Jerk’s ego then that sounds like a bargain to me.
I think somehow, someway I’ll find a way to survive your bruised ego and hurt feelings.
Here’s another truth for you. A truth about why you hate me. A truth about why ONLY NOW you decided to open your mouth.
You’re upset that Xander lost. And it stings because this is now the third person under your watchful eye who has failed against me.
Face it, Joey. You’re damaged goods. Your training regimen is shit. Your barn should be turned into a hospice for wrestlers’ hopes and dreams of winning a World Championship in HOW. A place where those dreams can slowly die and eventually be put out to pasture.
Oh! Speaking of put out to pasture, do professional wrestlers like yourself, who aren’t real cowboys, purposely dress up as cowboys so that they can be on a promotional poster for a Pay-Per-View or major event? I was going through some old wrestling posters and flyers and don’t recall seeing that from the likes of Ric Flair or Ray Stevens or Bruno Sammartino. Must be a “sports entertainment” thing.
Oh wait… you did that didn’t you, Joey?
You got all dressed up so that you could live out your cowboy fantasy like a true sports entertainer. Because pro wrestlers, they don’t do that, do they?
What was your cowboy nickname, if you don’t mind me asking? It had to have been something cool like “The Hypocrite” Joey Bergman or Joey “The Underfaker” Bergman or “Phoney” Bergman.
Eh, I guess it doesn’t matter, does it?
So, enjoy your time in England. I’m sure your morals and ethics are still as strong as ever and you definitely won’t show up to War Games further jeopardizing what little credibility you have left.
America pauses as he looks lovingly at his championship, before his eyes light up.
Christopher America: You know, Joey, I just had a wonderful idea. I told you earlier that my goal was to make the HOW World Championship THE championship in professional wrestling. And so, after War Games, after I retain the HOW World Championship, I’m going to go to your old stomping grounds. I’m going to go to MVW. I’m going to take the MVW Championship from you, from that shithead redneck, from Ray McAvay.
I’m going to drive a stake through the hearts of all those MVW employees and fans. I’m going to strike fear into the very soul of the evil empire. I’m going to force choke the life out of the place you love so much. I’m going to rock the very foundations of this industry.
I’m going to raise the MVW Championship above my head, albeit slightly lower and with less pride than how high I hold my gorgeous HOW World Championship.
I’m going to reign as dual champion. I’m going to reign as the most feared competitor across the Phoenix Wrestling Alliance.
And if Ray McAvay wants me to defend the title, he’s going to have to go through Lee Best and HOW to do it.
He’ll have to BEG the GOD of HOW for permission to book his company’s champion. And maybe, I’ll convince Lee to do it the sports entertainer way. We can watch Ray beg in the middle of the ring, for the entire world to see.
You’ll do what professional wrestlers do.
Because all professional wrestlers do is show up when they are told and wrestle. Us sports entertainers? We’ll continue wrestling as well. But we’ll also do the rest of the work you seem to be too good for.
America strokes his championship and smiles cockily as we cut away.
The Sun has Set
We cut to another part of the backstage area….
Sunny O’Callahan waits outside what would be Joe Bergman’s dressing room… if he was here.
Then she takes a swig from her bottle of Southern Comfort.
She checks her watch.
Sunny looks down the hallway… still nothing.
Sunny O’Callahan (to herself): Where are you, Joe?
She takes another drink of her Southern Comfort straight from the bottle. Then she shakes her head as we cut to our first commercial break.
Back live and we open up backstage showing a room with sounds and commotion coming from it. Inside we see familiar faces of the Byrd war game team.
Clay Byrd: So we’re all here…
Dan Ryan: Yeah… I guess…
Dan Ryan smirks at The Behemoth standing up in front of them.
Nettie: Didn’t know it was optional…
Nettie files her nails not looking at anyone.
Jatt Starr: The Duke of Jattmandu was under the impression there was going to be food here? As a pescatarian, it would have been nice to have been consulted beforehand, but…..
The Mayor of ManJattan stands up and looks around rather dramatically to emphasize that there is, in fact, no food in the room.
Jatt Starr: ….it looks like you cheaped out….and got us nothing. Not a good start. The Jattlantic City Idol guarantees that Mike Best would have fed his team. And probably give them some champagne to boot. Not a good start, Clay, old sport.
The Jatti Master goes to sit but immediately pops back up.
Jatt Starr: Praise Lee.
The Baron of Boca Jatton takes his seat.
Clay Byrd: Sorry, I didn’t know I needed ta give ya coffee and donuts… Yer lucky I’m not putting yer head through that fuckin’ locker right now Jatt.
Jatt goes to speak, but The Behemoth finally commands the center of the room.
Clay Byrd: Jatt, how many War Games you been in?
Jatt Starr: A lot.
Clay Byrd: A lot of War Games. Jatt, how many of them War Games your team ever win by beating the fuck out of each other.
Jatt Starr: Not many. There was one time…
Clay Byrd: Yeah Jatt, exactly. It’s not ideal, but we’re gonna need to get along, and have each other’s back these next few weeks.
The Jattlantic City Idol isn’t picking up what The Behemoth is putting down. He quickly turns the conversation on its head.
Jatt Starr: Yeeeeeaaaah, um, love the energy and, Clay, the Sultan of SeaJattle wants to win War Games….but…I really don’t want YOU to win….or Bobbinette or Nasty or whatever she calls herself….soooooo….the Ruler of Jattlantis is conflicted. Anyone want a Mackintosh?
The Rembrandt of Wrestling pulls out a couple of Mackintosh Toffee bars and waves them in the air.
Jatt Starr: Anyone?
Nettie flips a bird to Jatt not even looking in his direction.
Nettie: A band of misfits… However.. two time War Game winner… not all of us have to be left standing. Some casualties are to be expected. So any friendly fire it’s just taking out the weakness before it causes more harm to our success.
The Sovereign of Starrgentina continues to wave the toffee bars in the air.
Jatt Starr: So no takers? They’re just going to end up going to Conor if no one wants them. Assuming, of course, that festering pimple, Mike Best isn’t getting him wasted on Dom Perignon. Praise Lee.
Clay looks at Dan Ryan and shrugs.
Clay Byrd: This whole teamwork idea is prolly fucked, huh?
Dan Ryan: Yep.
Clay snatches the toffee bars out of Jatt’s hand. He passes one over to Dan, and sits down beside him.
Clay Byrd: Happy Belated Birthday, Dan.
Dan Ryan: Happy Birthday, Clay.
With that we cut back to ringside…
#21 Brian Hollywood vs. #16 Marvolo
As we come back to ringside, we see Hall of Famer, Scott Stevens, already in the ring ready to officiate the next match up as the Hall of Famer duo is ready to call the next match up of the evening.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen where up next Brian Hollywood is taking on Marvolo and with his appearance already in the ring, Scott Stevens will be officiating the action.
Benny Newell: Over/under Stevens fucks up during this match and has to be pulled from War Games?
Joe Hoffman: I disagree Benny, when Scott Stevens has officiated in the past he has done a fairly decent job. He’s called it down the middle and has let things progress when an overzealous referee may have pulled the trigger to soon and ended a match abruptly.
Benny Newell: I hate to agree when anything comes to that idiot, but Stevens will Stevens.
“Stronger on your Own” by Disturbed blares over the PA and Brian Hollywood slowly walks from the back and takes center stage as he stands there for a few brief moments, closing his eyes. He reigns in the boos from the crowd as he gets in final mental preparation for his upcoming match.
Brian McVay: Introducing first, from the City of Angels…weighing in at 225 pounds…he is BRIAN! HOOOOOOLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYWOOOOOOOD!!!
As Hollywood opens up his eyes, pyro shoots off in opposite corners of the stage as it makes its way to center stage. As the pyro hits the center, the camera zooms in to see the reflection in Hollywood’s eyes as he finally makes his way down the ramp, quickly taking off his vest and throwing it down with intensity.
Joe Hoffman: Hollywood looking focus here tonight as he is one of the match in the match in at War Games.
Benny Newell: Hollywood has been streaky as of late, and he could sneak out the victory at War Games to help give his team the man advantage.
Hollywood makes his final push as he charges the ring, rolling under the ropes. He gets back to his feet and looks about the entire arena glaring at the fans before he takes his place in the corner turnbuckle before turning his gaze intently in the ring as he waits for his opponent to arrive.
The arena goes dark. The discordant intro of Chesney Hawke’s The One and Only screeches into the blackness, growing louder and louder until—
“I am the one and only
Nobody I’d rather be!”
A spotlight shines on the stage, illuminating Raquel, who receives a huge pop!
Benny Newell: Mamacita!
Joe Hoffman: Don’t start.
Benny Newell: No hablo english.
Joe Hoffman: If I drank, I’d be drunk now.
“I am the one and only
You can’t take that away from me!”
From behind the beautiful Latina steps Marvolo 3, eliciting a decidedly less enthusiastic reception.
Brian McVay: And his opponent, from Molvania… weighing in at 97 pounds… MAAAAAAAARRRRRRRVOOOOOOOOOLLLLLOOOOOO!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: We haven’t seen much of Marvolo in recent weeks. I wonder what he has been up to?
Benny Newell: I hear he’s been down in Mexico under strict orders from GOD himself.
Joe Hoffman: Doing what?
Benny Newell: Well…..
Benny looks around.
Benny Newell: My sources have told me he’s been hyping up War Games by going to every brothel and how many whores he can impregnate within a two-hour span.
Joe Hoffman: Why did I ask?
Benny Newell: That’s not all, I hear he became the Tequila drinking champion of Mexico City as well as the Midget Wrestling World Champion by beating some luchador named El Hombre Azul.
Joe Hoffman: You can’t say midget anymore Benny.
Benny Newell: Hoffman, if it’s in the fucking name of the company then I can say it…..same as if I was reading song lyrics and I…
Joe Hoffman: Over/under you get us canceled by the end of the night.
Benny Newell: NO way am I going to cost Lee and the Alliance the chance to kill these nerds at War Games.
Ruffling his cape in response, #1 marches towards the ring with his index fingers held high. Raquel climbs the ring stairs, then holds the ropes open for Marvolo. He steps inside and waits expectantly as she removes his cape for him.
Scott Stevens makes his way towards center ring and turns to each corner asking if both competitors are ready and they each nod. Stevens calls for the bell.
Ding. Ding. Ding.
Joe Hoffman: And here we go…….
Marvolo begins to make his way out of his corner towards the middle of the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Marvolo comes out of his corner……OH MY!!!!!!!
Brian Hollywood not wasting anytime, sprints at his opponent and blasts him with a claymore kick.
Joe Hoffman: EXECUTIVE DECREE!
Hollywood goes for a cover.
Ding. Ding. Ding.
Bryan McVay: And your winners by pinfall, BRIAN! HOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLYYYYYWWWWWOOOOOOOOOODDDD!!!
Joe Hoffman: Well….at least we know Hollywood does not get paid by the hour here…..all his focus can now head towards the Wild Card match at War Games.
Benny Newell: Guess Rachelle is going to need something longer and stiffer than Marvolo later tonight to help dry those tears. I’ll be right back.
Joe Hoffman: Keep it in your pants.
Benny Newell: I only need a minute….
Benny downs a Red Bull.
Benny Newell: Correction, I need two minutes.
Stevens raises Hollywood’s hand high in victory before the Texan yanks him in and drives him face first into the canvas.
Joe Hoffman: TOXIC STING!!!!??
The crowd goes ballistic for their hometown hero as he stares daggers of hatred into the down competitors. Stevens makes over to the downed Marvolo and places the little guy between his legs before delivering a piledriver.
Joe Hoffman: Holy heck! Marvolo is dead.
Stevens turns his attention back to Hollywood as he begins to stir and the Texan runs full force and delivers a punt kick to the former world champion. Stevens is seething with anger at this point and he rolls out of the ring and makes his way over to Bryan McVay.
Scott Stevens: Move or die!
The ring announcer gladly moves as Stevens takes his chair and microphone before sliding both into the ring before sliding into the ring himself.
Joe Hoffman: Hollywood may not even make it to War Games if Stevens has anything to say with it.
Stevens places the chair next to Hollywood and he places Brian between his legs and Stevens delivers a ring shaking piledriver to the victor of tonight’s match. Stevens kneels next to Hollywood before picking him up and tossing him out of the ring. Stevens rips off his referee shirt and hawks a loogie on it before tossing it into the crowd and the fans fight for a ring worn souvenir. The Hall of Famer sets up the chair in the middle of the ring and he picks up the microphone before calmly speaking.
Scott Stevens: How you doing tonight, Houston?
The fans in the Toyota Center go berserk.
Crowd: STEVENS! STEVENS! STEVENS!
Benny Newell: Cheap pop!
Stevens waits for the crowd to settle down.
Scott Stevens: Thank you. Thank you. As great as you all are and have supported me throughout my entire career, I have some people I need to thank.
Stevens points towards the stage.
Scott Stevens: First, I need to thank, Jace Parker Davidson……
A massive chorus of boos fills the Toyota Center.
Scott Stevens: I want to thank you for being the whining little bitch that you are.
The crowd cheers and Stevens motions for them to calm down.
Scott Stevens: You see little buddy, this is my War Games team because I’m the only one of us that is trying to get us on the same page. Our supposed captain, Michael Lee Bitch, is stroking his own dick by knocking your ass out instead of getting all of us on the same page for War Games!
Spit flies from the Texan’s mouth as he begins to get fired up.
Scott Stevens: War Games is a fucking team match and I’m making sure our team is victorious unlike you!
Stevens points towards the stage.
Scott Stevens: You want to do it alone because there are no friends in HOW according to you, that’s fine. You want to stick your nose in mine and Conor’s business and cost us matches, that’s fine. Just know when STRONk is slinging you around that steel cage and ripping the flesh from your body don’t look for me for help because there is no friends in HOW especially if there last names are Davidson and Stevens.
Stevens shoots the bird towards the stage as the crowd erupts into cheers.
Scott Stevens: The next person I want to thank is our world champion, Christopher America.
The mere mention of the champion’s name drowns out Stevens and the Texan has to once again quiet down the masses.
Scott Stevens: Chris, you can try and sound like a roided up version of Professor Keller as you break me down and dissect my flaws, but the fact remains I am better than you and you know it.
The crowd agrees as they chant the hometown hero’s name.
Scott Stevens: The break down is real simple bud. You lost to Xander Azula, but Xander is the guy I beat to qualify for War Games so that technically makes me the uncrowned world champion.
Crowd: WORLD CHAMPION CLAP X5
Stevens slowly rises from his chair and makes his way to the ropes as he looks toward the stage.
Scott Stevens: How did it feel looking at Xander’s unworthy hands holding your championship and having his name declared the new world champion?
Stevens lets the question linger.
Scott Stevens: I know how it made you feel Chris, it made you madder than losing to Ivan at PWA 1. It made you angrier than Lee Best trying to get Joe Bergman back in the States.
The crowd grows louder with each statement.
Scott Stevens: I know that vein in your forehead is going to pop like a firework on your birthday, but I want to know how you’re really going to feel when in Mexico City, in your match when it is, I, taking the thing you treasure the most from you and you watch as she firmly hugs my waist because I am the man she has been missing.
Crowd: STEVENS! STEVENS! STEVENS!
Stevens points to his head and mouths “think about it.”
Scott Stevens: Lastly….
Stevens looks towards the skyboxes.
Scott Stevens: I want to thank, Lee. Best……
The crowd immediately boos at the mention of the GOD of HOW’s name.
Scott Stevens: How’s that for using my talents, dickhead?
Stevens asks with a smirk on his face as the crowd roars.
Scott Stevens: You tried to embarrass me with this officiating bullshit, but the jokes on you as I left two of your War Games match-in wrestlers beaten, bloody, and broken.
The crowd becomes deafening with cheers for the hometown hero.
Scott Stevens: You think this is over…..
Stevens microphone is suddenly cut off and the crowd boos. Stevens shrugs as he rolls out of the ring and makes his way over to the announcer’s desk.
Joe Hoffman: Stevens is making his way over here.
Benny Newell: I’m ready to knock his ass out.
Benny starts to get up and Scott stops.
Scott Stevens: Really? Don’t you think you’ve had enough vacation days?
Benny thinks twice before sitting back down.
Joe Hoffman: You really told him.
Benny Newell: I’m conserving my energy for Rachelle.
Stevens asks Hoffman for his headset and Joe gives them to him.
Scott Stevens: As I was saying before that bald headed little bitch cut my microphone……
Stevens shakes his head as he hears static in the headset before taking them off.
Benny Newell: Fuck you Stevens! GOD is silencing you!
Stevens turns to the camera and begins shouting.
Scott Stevens: SHITS NOT OVER LEE! I’M COMING TO THANK YOU PERSO…..
The feed cuts to commercial.
#13 Jatt Starr vs. #12 Charles de Lacy
We cut back from the commercial to the rabid crowd in the Toyota center. The regal tones of “Ballad of the Virgin Soldiers” pipe through the HOW PA system, signaling the arrival of “Dandy” Charles de Lacy. Matt Boettcher comes out while the bell rings.
DING! DING! DING!
Bryan McVay: The following contest is scheduled for one fall….introducing first from York, England, please welcome DAAAAAAAAANDY CHARLES DE LAAAAAAAAACY!
Sauntering down the aisle, a look of utter contempt etched on his face, de Lacy glares at the fans who dare to reach towards the expensive silk robe draped over his shoulders. Wiping his feet on the apron, de Lacy steps through the middle rope before turning slowly in the centre of the ring and surveying his surroundings. The referee helps de Lacy remove his robe, handing it to the time-keeper on the outside of the ring, while de Lacy limbers up on the inside with a series of stretches. He’s ready to take on Jatt Starr.
Joe Hoffman: Charles de Lacy’s ready for a fight tonight. It’s the last stop to War Games where de Lacy can gain some momentum and make a statement and…
Benny Newell: BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! You’re giving the fans the boring run down. Everyone knows War Games is in a couple weeks, Hoffhole. You’re just wasting everyone’s time here.
Joe Hoffman: No, I am not, I’m building anticipation…
Benny Newell: BOOOOOOORING! If you don’t know how to make someone climax without “anticipation” then you’re like that loser Zion. And you know what happens when I detect Darin Zion’s around.
Hoffman shakes his head while the lights dim. As “Back in Black” by AC/DC begins to blare across the arena. A golden spotlight shines down, but Jatt Starr is dragging his feet backstage.
Benny Hoffman: See, Jatt Starr gets all this crap you’re trying to spin too, Hoffman. This match, like your commentary skills, is beneath someone like the Co-World Champion of HOW.
Joe Hoffman: It’s War Games time, nothing is…
Benny Newell: You know what…I’m make like Jatt Starr now…
As Jatt finally makes his way down the ramp, he and Benny Newell exchange pleasantries. Jatt taunts de Lacy like he’s not worth Jatt’s time. However, the Dandy one blows it off. Jatt takes some extra time, saunter slower than usual down to the ring. He flirts with a couple of busty blondes at ringside extra long, blowing them kisses and fondling them for good measure.
Joe Hoffman: Jatt Starr is creeping out there while, leaving Boettcher and McVay trying to stall the crowd for time. De Lacy’s putting up with Jatt Starrs antics, but the frustration is building.
Sporting his black and red checkered suit, Jatt Starr ascends the ring steps and demands that the referee open the ropes for himHowever, Boettcher refuses to comply. Eventually, de Lacy can no longer tolerate Jatt’s delay tactics, and loses his temper. While Jatt is still bickering with Boettcher, de Lacy sneaks under the ropes and lands a direct kick to Jatt’s face. Boettcher signals for the bell.
DING! DING! DING!
Joe Hoffman: That’s just dandy…baseball slide to Jatt Starr’s perfect face. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy…
De Lacy rushes towards Jatt with all his might, attempting to deliver a picture-perfect clothesline that would send Jatt flying. But Jatt is one step ahead, and with a swift move, he sends de Lacy crashing into the steel steps. De Lacy writhes in pain on the ground, clutching his shoulder.
Jatt, now feeling more zest, reaches for his cane, intending to use it as a weapon against de Lacy. But before he can strike, Boettcher intervenes and wrestles the cane away from Jatt’s grasp. Frustrated by his inability to use his weapon, Jatt lunges towards de Lacy, but he is met with a vicious elbow straight to his stomach, knocking the wind out of him.
De Lacy sees his opportunity to take control of the match and rolls Jatt back into the ring. But before he can even make a move, Jatt rushes straight at him, clipping his knee cap out from under him. De Lacy falls to the mat, clutching his knee in agony.
Jatt seizes the moment and tries to scoop de Lacy up with a German Suplex, but to his surprise, de Lacy has a burst of adrenaline energizing him. Charles lands on his feet. De Lacy quickly regains his composure and rushes towards Jatt, determined to take control of the match once again. de Lacy nails a beautiful Russian Leg Sweep on Jatt, sending him crashing to the mat.
Joe Hoffman: Whoa! De Lacy is taking this Hall of Famer to task. This is an impressive outing from Charles.
As the match intensifies, de lacy pulls Jatt off the ground, nailing a couple stiff punches to his gut. He drives Jatt back towards the mat with a Drop Toe Hold. Next, the Dandy wrestler locks a stiff headlock to the Jattinoga senstation. But Starr won’t easily accept defeat. Weasling his way over towards the ropes; Jatt’s right arm clenches the bottom rope like his life depends on it.
Boettcher immediately see this and starts his count. But de Lacy’s a true sportsman, throwing his arms up in the air—stepping away from one half of the HOW Tag Team Champions. The crowd applauds de Lacy’s intentions, but the air suddenly fills with boos.
Joe Hoffman: THAT WEASEL! Starr just nailed a ugly low blow, right in front of Boettcher. It’s like he’s daring the referee with his actions.
Jatt stands tall, taunting the HOW rookie, however, Boettcher lectures the Ruler of Jattlantis. Jatt blows off Matt, smirking at all the chaos he caused. De Lacy is down, but now out. He’s struggling back to his feet. His face is twisted in pain.
While de Lacy struggles back to his feet….
Jatt’s reaching his boiling—landing a brutal Enziguiri to de Lacy’s face. The thud from Jatt’s red and black boots reverberates through the arena. De Lacy’s blond hair whips around as his body drops towards the mat.
Sensing his dominance, Jatt mocks de Lacy with words and gestures. His chest is puffed up from excitement. It’s his moment now! Jatt signals for the Starrlite Express—his patented spear.
Joe Hoffman: This is it! Jatt’s got de Lacy cornered right here. He’s charges towards deLacy full steam ahead….
Joe Hoffman: OOOOOH! DE LACY SENT JATT FLYING HEAD FIRST INTO THE TURNBUCKLE! Starr looks a like he’s seeing Starr’s right now. What an ironic picture!
De Lacy wastes no time, unleashing a fury on strikes, reigning on Jatt’s injured head. Jatt’s completely stunned, unable to answer for each blow de Lacy dishes out. The energy in the Toyota Center becomes more electric, the crowd cheers de Lacy on as he’s gained the upper hand on Jatt. With each clothesline de Lacy lands on Jatt’s chest—the cheers grow louder, fueling the rookie’s confidence.
As Charles rushes for his sixth clothesline, Jatt quickly rolls out of the way. It causes Charles to crash into the turnbuckle with a sick thud. Jatt’s got control of the momentum once again, smiling and taunting the rookie to never underestimate his opponents.
The crowd waits with bated breath. Jatt’s hoisting Charles body up, signaling he’s ready to execute his finishing move—the Falling Starr. The crowd is bracing for impact, waiting on the edge of their seats.
Joe Hoffman: HOLY MOLY! Charles sent Jatt flying into the ropes. He’s bouncing back and….oooof!
Charles nails a brilliant arm drag, sending Jatt to the match. The impact is severe that Jatt’s clenching onto his shoulder with pain. Charles grows concerned with Jatt’s injury. Both he and Boettcher walks towards Jatt to check on him. As Charles kneels down, Jatt scoops him up and rolls him up. Boettcher makes the count.
Joe Hoffman: WOAH! Charles barely escapes Jatt’s attempt to play possum! He kicked out at 2.999999999.
Jatt drags himself to his feet, a smug smile forms on his face looking at the frustrated audience. Little does he know—this has triggered his opponent.
While de Lacy’s kept cool for most of the match, he’s now seething with anger. He charges towards Jatt with a burning intensity. Charles launches himself at Jatt, nailing a few stiff European Uppercuts straight to Jatt’s jaws. The crowds intensity continues to fuel Charles. As Charles stuns Jatt with one final uppercut, a twinkle forms in his eyes.
In a display of impressive strength, Charles effortlessly lifts Jatt into the air. De Lacy drives Jatt neck first into the mat with a flawless Stand and Deliver Neckbreaker. Starr’s face writes in pain on the canvas. However, de Lacy hooks Jatt’s leg fast.
As De Lacy rises to his feet, he’s overcome with emotion and excitement at the thought of victory. His joay is immediately halted by Boettcher. Matt points to Jatt’s leg, dangling on the bottom rope. Both de Lacy and Boettcher argue about it.
Meanwhile, Jatt’s mind continues to swirl. He’s had enough; it’s not worth him anymore. Jatt slides under the ring ropes, taking a moment to rest while Boettcher and Charles gripe. Jatt reaches for his cane under the ropes. The Ruler of Jattlantis wraps his fingers around the black wooden handle. He slithers back in under the bottom rope, right behind Charles. Boettcher’s eyes widen as Jatt lifts the cane into the air.
Joe Hoffman: HE SWINGS AND….
Boettcher immediately signals for the bell…..
DING! DING! DING!
Bryan McVay: Winner of the match via DQ………CHARLES DEEEEEEE LAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!!
Benny Newell: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOME RUN! CUBBIES FUCKIN’ WIN, HOFFHOLE! CUBBIES FUCKIN’ WIN! Jatt Starr nails a home run and knocks that little nerd Charles de Lacy’s head outta the park.
Joe Hoffman: I hate to break the news to you, Benny, but Charles won via DQ….a rare DQ finish here in HOW.
Benny Newell: Whatever, Jatt got what he wanted in the end. He preserves himself for War Games. He gets to survive another day. That’s all that matters to the Final Alliance. Nerds like you don’t understand the bigger picture.
Joe Hoffman: De Lacy deserved better. He had Jatt on the ropes and it was clear Starr did not take this match seriously enough and no matter what De Lacy gets the W in the record books.
Back in the ring Jatt keeps nailing Charles with the cane as HOW officials rush the ring to stop Jatt.
However, Jatt slides out and smiles at the damage he’s caused. De Lacy starts crawling back up to his feet as Jatt continues mocking the man. Boettcher raises de Lacy’s hand and the crowd erupts into cheers as the battered, but victorious De Lacy, stands tall as we cut elsewhere.
No Hablo English
The show cuts backstage where our intrepid Mexican referee, Joel Hortega, is in a bit of a pickle. He is trying to get to the ring to call the next match but his way is blocked by the Hall of Famer, member of the Final Alliance and War Games Captain, Evan Ward.
Evan Ward: Where do you think you’re going?
Joel Hortega: Voy al cuadrilátero.
Evan Ward: I don’t think so, sonnyjim, I don’t care if you’re going for a double latte or a quad latte, it’s not coffee time.
Joel looks confused. He tries to make himself understood.
Joel Hortega: ¿Qué café? El ring, el ring de lucha libre. Tengo un partido de árbitro.
Evan Ward: Look, get a can of Tango after, have some fucking respect, dude, it’s the least you can do after screwing me last week.
Joel Hortega: ¿De qué estás hablando?
Evan Ward: You screwed me, Joel! Clyd cheated, we all saw it. He pulled my hair, he had my tights. Why didn’t you disqualify him?!
Joel Hortega: Pero Clay siguió las reglas….
Evan Ward: I don’t care what you say, nor do I understand it! You’re in cahoots! You counted fast for him! That was never 3! It was 2, zwei, deuce, at most two and a third! It was nowhere near 3! I didn’t lose that match, Joe, no one believes it. I mean, me, losing to Clyd? That’s unpossible! If you wrote that on Twitter your account would be banned for pushing dangerous misinformation which could harm the public! So there’s no way that was 3!
Hortega slaps one hand against the other, mimicking a count.
Joel Hortega: Eran las tres. Uno. Dos. Tres.
Evan sneers at the referee.
Evan Ward: You would say that, wouldn’t you? And my name’s Evan, not Eran, you idiot. No, you gave him a fast count, but you gave me a slow count! I pinned him so many times in that match, Joe, so many 3 counts! That’s clear favouritism, you’re obviously biassed to hairy cowboys.
The ref protests this accusation.
Joel Hortega: ¡No soy parcial con nadie! Mis conteos fueron justos. Soy como un metrónomo.
Evan Ward: I don’t care how you like your noodles, but it is weird you don’t like soy sauce on them. You strange little man… But, but, but! You clearly saw Clyd tap, he tapped like a motherfucker to the First Generation Armbreaker! Everyone saw it. The motherfucker was tapping like a bitch because I was about to snap his arm like the weedy little twigs they are and you just stood and watched! I know you wanted your rentboy to win but that’s so negligent I could report you to the Association of Referee Standards Examiners. You don’t want to fuck with the ARSR, Joe! You could have made him lose an arm, Joe. A whole arm! That would’ve literally crippled him and it would have been your fault!
Evan waves a finger in Joel’s face as he lectures him.
Joel Hortega: ¿De qué estás hablando? ¡Él nunca se apagó!
Evan Ward: Exactly, he’d have to replace his arm with a peg-o-arm! How could he compete in Ward Games like that? You’d have killed his momentum going into Ward Games, Joe, just like you killed mine with that obscene display of sycophantism. What about me, Joe, WHAT ABOUT ME?!
Evan grabs Joels’ shoulders and starts shaking him back and forth.
Evan Ward: Everyone knows momentum is the only thing that matters going into a pay-per-view, Joe! I had it, I had so much momentum, if I was an asteroid not even Bruce Willis and Aerosmith would’ve been able to stop me! I was a guaranteed winner at Ward Games! But you killed my momentum, you killed it worse than Lee killed Kostoff! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get an asteroid moving again, Joe, after it’s lost its momentum? Do you?! It takes at least 4 people! Maybe even 5!
Joel Hortega: No tengo ni idea de lo que estás diciendo, has perdido completamente la trama. ¡Por favor, déjame llegar al ring, tengo que irme antes de que comience el partido!
Evan Ward: Will you stop talking Portuguese?! You know what we say about people like you back in Wales, Joe? We say: Rydych chi’n twpsyn mawr gyda moron fach. That means you’re a huge moron with a small carrot.
Joel Hortega: ¿Es el galés para imbécil “moron”?
Evan Ward: Shut up about your impeccable carrot, no one wants to know, Joe. Listen, you’d better watch your back because I’m onto you and your cabal of match fixing. You won’t get away with it! All you efforts will be in vain, no matter how much you try to stack the deck against me, Team Ward will win Ward Games. Aceldama, Charlie and my best buddy America will do everything they can to help me win the World Championship…. I mean help our team win the World Championship!
Evan goes nose to nose with the referee and stares daggers into his eyes.
Evan Ward: You. Can’t. Stop. Me. No one can. Ward Games will be mine! Now get out of my face, I have a meeting to get to!
Ward shoves Hortega away and strides purposefully away. Hortega stares at his back
Joel Hortega: Ward Games? Fucking puta.
The show cuts to commercial as Hortega heads to ringside.
#10 Darin Zion vs. #6 Aceldama
Chaos returns from commercial as we prepare for the next match of the evening.
Joe Hoffman: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for our next match of the night as REAL LOVE Darin Zion takes on Aceldama.
Benny Newell: REAL POSER is what you mean, Hoffy. Aceldama is gonna take Zion and put him onto the REAL SHELF of retirement. HATE CONQUERS LOVE!
Joe Hoffman: Why are you out here for this match? I thought you weren’t going to call any Zion matches per your contract?
Benny Newell: He is facing Aceldama. There is NO WAY that I am going to miss the death of Zion here. NO FUCKING WAY.
Bryan McVay: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!
The opening chords of REO Speedwagon’s “Keep On Loving You” hit over the PA system. On the HOV, a giant heart appears to beat to the song.
♫ You should have seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was somethin’ missin’ ♫
Emerging from the locker room is REAL LOVE Darin Zion, decked out in a pink and purple robe. The words REAL LOVE are printed on the back in sequins. The sequins sparkle in the pink spotlight hitting the smug HOW superstar while he strolls down to the ring. Unphased by the fans heckling him, he swivels his hips, trying to draw the attention of the women. A cocky sneer is painted on his face as he gets down to the end of the entrance ramp.
♫ And I’m gonna keep on lovin’ you
‘Cause it’s the only thing I want to do
I don’t want to sleep, I just want to keep on lovin’ you♫
Bryan McVay: Introducing first…..FROM SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA. REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL LOOOOOOOOOVE DAAAAAAAAARIN ZIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOON!!!!
Zion throws his robe on the ground, displaying his 8-pack abs. REAL LOVE starts counting them, blowing a kiss to the camera. Sliding into the ring, he poses like a French model, winking to the audience at home. While the bridge finishes, Zion leaps up to his feet. He motions back towards the entrance ramp, taunting his opponent for the evening.
Benny Newell: This mans existence literally makes me ill.
Joe Hoffman: Well like it or not Benny, Darin Zion has earned respect around here as of late and on the eve of War Games, there seems to be something special and something prideful of the PPV that fuels Zion. Who knows…he may actually have a chance here tonight.
Benny Newell: Zion’s chances are as REAL AS HIS-fuck…excuse me…are as real as him ever winning the LSD title from JPD. He’s got a bigger chance at contracting AIDS than ever winning the LSD title or any title at War Games. And this is a man that can’t get laid to save his life. If that tells you anything.
Joe Hoffman: Well that’s not inappropriately graphic at all…
In a small makeshift room in the basement of the Best Arena, Aceldama sits at the end of a bed, taping up his hands with black tape as two security guards are watching his every move. A red light above the only door in the room begins to flash and two large knocks are heard from the door. There is the sound of large locks unlocking and the door slides open. Eight men come through the door, each holding tasers, stand four either side of the door.
Aceldama stands up and turns. The two security guards check Aceldama top to toe, even inside his mouth. He takes his hands behind his back and a guard handcuffs them, then proceed to put a black blindfold on his head. The guards stand side by side of Aceldama and direct him towards the door. The two guards put Aceldama forward then the door closes. Its an elevator which begins to lift upwards.
Meanwhile scene cuts back to the Best Arena where we can see, from the entrance to the ring, armed guards either side. A hole opens up at the top of the entrance and Aceldama emerges. No music accompanies him, no pyro, no visuals.
Bryan McVay: And his opponent…from Berlin, Germany, he weighs in at 275 pounds…he is…..ACELDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMA!!!
His head downwards with the hood on. He walks down the rampway and is forced to stop by the ring steps, a guard removes the handcuffs, then the hood. Aceldama looks around him, then all of a sudden is tasered in the back and rolled into the ring. He rises immediately and begins to go into a rage, shaking the ropes.
Joe Hoffman: Aceldama wants to command obedience. Even still, watching him come to the ring still gives me chills.
Benny Newell: Well you should be fearful of him. Whether he’s commanding obedience or destruction one thing is absolute. Annihilation and loyalty is never in question. Fuck the destiny is all bullshit. Our great GOD of HOW, Lee and his Final Alliance is the true way! Aceldama will do what he will always do best and that is DESTROY in the name of GOD! You have the HAMMER OF GOD and then there is Aceldama who is the DESTROYER of GOD!
Zion doesn’t look fearful at all as he stares across the ring at his opponent. There is a general calm about him as he gets mentally and physically ready to fight. Across the ring, however, Aceldama just sees another victim as he stares a hole into the very soul of Zion.
DING DING DING!
The bell rings and this match is officially underway! Zion doesn’t waste any time and charges at the behemoth of Aceldama and delivers a swift dropkick to the face of the destroyer but Aceldama just smiles and waves off the attack.
Joe Hoffman: Oh boy…that dropkick didn’t even phase Aceldama! Zion looks a little taken aback from it!
Benny Newell: Well of course he fucking is hoffhole! REAL FAKE LOVE Zion is finally figuring out that he has done what he fucking always does…and that is bite off more than he can fucking chew!
Zion doesn’t wait as he shrugs it off and begins to charge at Aceldama again but Aceldama has other plans as Aceldama simply lands the most powerful clothesline HOW has seen and plants Zion firmly on his back. Zion gets up but grunts, but Aceldama already is still firmly moving. Aceldama rushes off the ropes before coming back at Zion floors Zion with a running clothesline this time which sees Zion flip in the air a couple times before hitting the mat again. Aceldama drops down and makes a cover which Hortega is quick to drop and make the count.
Zion fiercely kicks out much to the laughter of Aceldama who is glad to accommodate to his continued pain.
Joe Hoffman: Aceldama looks relieved Zion kicked out there….gotta give Hortega credit here. He is calling a great match even after that backstage encounter with Evan Ward.
Benny Newell: Hortega just better watch his ass is all….and of course Aceldama is relieved. Aceldama likes to dissect his prey and ending Zion quickly just adds to Aceldama’s dismay and you can see he was relieved Zion kicked out. That just means that Aceldama can continue his reign of terror.
Zion may have kicked out, but he knows he has a tall order ahead of him as he tries to catch his breath. But Aceldama already has blood on his mind as he mounts Zion and just starts to mercilessly fire off right after right as Aceldama picks up his mounted strikes and makes them more focused as he pounds the squeamish Zion. Zion gets to a point where he can’t keep up the mounted strikes from Aceldama and becomes defenseless as Ace just continues to pound his fists into his opponent as all he sees is a piece of meat needing tenderized before consumption. It gets to a point where Hortega needs to start a count against Ace’s continued but very focused strikes.
But before Hortega gets to his final count of five, he stops his assault and gets to his feet much to the dismay of the fans who are booing the destroyer of GOD.
Joe Hoffman: Zion is in A LOT of trouble in the early goings of this match! Aceldama is just toying with Zion here.
Benny Newell: Zion is lucky this isn’t an anything goes match because Ace is bounded by normal match rules. That is the ONLY thing that is showing any kind of mercy to Zion and even still, Aceldama will try ANYTHING to make sure his opponents get decimated. That’s all he’s done in recent weeks against his other opponents.
Ace doesn’t look phased by the crowd heat he has given as he walks back over to Zion and drops a stiff elbow to his face. Ace reaches down and picks up Zion only to toss him like a ragdoll towards the corner turnbuckle. Zion slowly gets back up to his feet as he leans up against the corner turnbuckle only to get massively clotheslined again by a merciless Aceldama who won’t let up on his fury against REAL LOVE. Aceldama once again picks back up Zion and leans him up against the turnbuckle as he just unleashes a powerful flurry of rights and lefts against a defenseless Zion who is continuing to struggle to defend himself against the DESTROYER of GOD. Finally, Aceldama comes off the ropes again and delivers a stinger splash which rocks Zion causing him to stumble forward. Aceldama grabs Zion and floors him with a belly to belly suplex. Zion struggles, but manages to get himself back up refusing to stay down but gets absolutely decked with a perilous spear nearly taking Zion apart.
Joe Hoffman: OH MY GOD! I could HEAR that spear as Aceldama takes Zion apart in half!
Benny Newell: This is Aceldama’s playground and Zion has no business playing in it.
Aceldama once again goes for a cover.
Zion refuses to give in but the pain done to him is evident as he struggles to breathe laying on the mat.
Joe Hoffman: Dear bah gawd…Zion is being dissected in front of our very eyes! Come on Ace, end this assault and give Zion his peace.
Benny Newell: Fuck that, Hoff! Zion KNOWS what he got himself into….if Aceldama wishes to play with his food, he can! Maybe then, REAL LOVE of delusions of grandeur can merely play the fool we already know him to be and divulge in Aceldama’s dark and pleasurable means of playtime courtesy of the GOD of HOW!
Ace seemingly done, though, as he appears bored with Zion. Ace picks up Zion and ricochets him into the ropes. Zion bounces off the ropes and it’s clear he can’t even defend himself as Ace delivers the expected smack to the face that the crowd in Houston clearly hears.
Joe Hoffman: DAS BOOT!
Benny Newell: Das boot with authority and down goes Zion again like the whimpering dog shit that he is.
Aceldama appears satisfied enough as he drops down and covers Zion.
Joe Hoffman: NO!!!! Zion with the shoulder up and Aceldama can’t believe it!
Benny Newell: What the fuck?! How was Zion even coherent enough to kick out of that?!
Aceldama is just as surprised as everyone else as he can’t believe Zion just kicked out. Ace just scoffs as he peels Zion off the mat and brings him to his feet. He tosses him in the air but as Zion comes back down, he hooks Aceldama’s head and plants a DDT into the mat out of desperation which floors Ace!
Joe Hoffman: Oh my god! Aceldama is STUNNED!
Benny Newell: You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! No way Zion should have escaped that!
Zion is breathing heavily but then, all of a sudden kips up much to the delight of the crowd and he does NOT look happy! In fact, it looks like Zion has become a man possessed as he looks down at Aceldama from the mat. Zion gets the thousands of Houston fans on their feet as he looks defiant as all hell and begins assaulting Aceldama with a flurry of his own rights and lefts. Ace gets to the point where he can’t keep up his hands as Zion just violently takes over as a man possessed dishing out any and all closed fist shots that he can get into Ace and now it’s Zion who has been called upon by Hortega as the count starts.
But before Hortega can reach the count of five, this time it is Zion who backs off and he looks like he has come alive showing his own defiance as he calls upon the crowd to give him strength. Aceldama stirs on the mat but gets to his feet. But by the time he’s able to set his sights on Zion, Zion is already close to his face as Ace can’t defend himself with Zion taking him down with a crossbody. Zion gets back to his feet and is already rushing against the ropes as Ace gets back to his feet. Zion hits a buzzsaw kick before grappling Aceldama and is actually able to deliver a thunderous strike into the mat.
Joe Hoffman: TOUGH LOVE!! ZION ACTUALLY CONNECTS AND ACELDAMA LOOKS STUNNED!!
Benny Newell: Where the FUCK did this prick actually find the heart to level Aceldama with that move?! No fucking way!
Aceldama is indeed stunned and he goes down to the mat hard as Zion looks to make the cover with the crowd firmly and excitedly behind Zion as Hortega makes the count!
Joe Hoffman: NO!!!!! Ace is able to get the shoulder up at the last second!!!
Benny Newell: There shouldn’t have even been a doubtful moment in this match for Ace! Zion shouldn’t even be breathing right now!!
Zion knows he has Aceldama on the ropes and he calls upon the fans of Houston to get behind him as he feels life in this match! The fans are cheering him on as Zion defiantly stands ready as Aceldama appears to get back to his feet slowly but instead, Zion delivers a dropkick to the knees of Aceldama and Zion locks his arm in and grabs his head as he has locks Ace in and the crowd can’t believe it!
Joe Hoffman: Oh my god no way!! Zion has the LOVE Handle locked in on Aceldama in the middle of the ring!! Aceldama has nowhere to go!!!
Benny Newell: I swear to the fucking GOD of HOW, you better not tap out Ace!!!
The crowd is riled up and on their feet as Aceldama is locked in the Love Handle and he is strugging!! Nowhere to go as Aceldama is actually in pain here! Zion has the move locked in and Aceldama is literally struggling as the ring ropes are far apart for him. You can literally hear Zion scream TAP OUT as Ace struggles in the center of the ring. Ace looks like he’s about to tap out but he absolutely refuses as he begrudgingly starts to, little by little, get to the bottom of the ropes. Zion strikes him in the head with repeated elbow after elbow into the head of Aceldama and he’s in a lot of trouble here. Aceldama appears to almost want to tap out, but the very turmoil he feels within is making him refuse to tap out. Ace slowly drags himself to the bottom of the ropes and he FINALLY is able to get there and Hortega starts to plead with Zion as he ONCE AGAIN begins to make the count and Zion refuses to release the hold.
Finally, Zion has no other choice but to release the hold much to the disdain of the Houston crowd as they start to boo.
Joe Hoffman: Unbelievable!! Aceldama refuses to tap out and Zion has no choice but to release the hold!
Benny Newell: Jesus fucking tits….thank Lee that Ace was able to get to the ropes!!
Zion can’t believe it as he starts to look frustrated knowing that that was probably the best chance he had in getting Aceldama to tap out. We are now back to the drawing board as Zion starts to wonder what he can do to put Zion away. He reaches down and picks Aceldama up to his feet not wanting to relinquish his momentum against Ace. Zion bounces off the ropes and comes back towards Ace but before he can hit him, Aceldama delivers a stern elbow into the abdomen of Zion, causing Zion to gasp out for air. Ace takes his opportunity to charge at Zion and attempt another Das Boot, but Zion pulls the ropes down, sending Ace out of the ring and to the outside.
Joe Hoffman: You can’t dismiss Zion in this match at all. He’s literally wrestled with nothing but HEART here tonight but with Ace down on the outside, Zion has another opportunity to end the match the way he wants to.
Benny Newell: This is fucking BULLSHIT! Zion shouldn’t even be alive in this match but yet, SOMEHOW he has had the will not to give up! This match should have been over a long time ago!
Zion measures up as he sees Ace on HIS FEET on the outside and he doesn’t even know how. But resiliency be damned, Zion ricochets off the ropes and dives over the top rope but is quickly met with a hard right that levels Zion as his body falls LIMP to the outside of the ring. Ace lets out a battle cry and he’s had ENOUGH of this match and of Zion as he picks up Zion and drags him to his feet. Ace whips Zion and towards the steel steps as Zion’s body connects to the steps sending Zion down to the ground. Zion grips his back as Ace picks him up and firmly plants Zion with a HUGE powerbomb into the steel ring steps and Zion is in absolute PAIN holding his back as Ace just laughs as he loves seeing Zion whither in pain. Zion slowly gets back to his feet but before he can do anything else, Ace is able to deliver a THUNDEROUS DAS BOOT which connects to the chin of Zion as Zion falls limp and goes unconscious on the outside of the ring. The crowd begin to boo loudly as Zion appears to be out COLD on the outside. Ace slides under the bottom of the ropes as Hortega starts to make the count on Zion.
Joe Hoffman: Oh no…not like this!! It appears as if the assault on the steel steps has left Zion in a place of no return and it’s almost as if Aceldama doesn’t care if the match ends in a count out!
Zion is in absolute agony as he struggles to get back to his feet much to the delight of Aceldama.
Zion rolls back under the ring at the last possible second!!!
Joe Hoffman: Zion BARELY is able to break the ten count as he rolls back into the ring!!
Benny Newell: How the FUCK is Zion still alive in this match?! Aceldama commanded OBEDIENCE to Evan Ward, but most importantly to the GOD of HOW, Lee Best himself and he can’t believe Zion is still alive in this match! For FUCKS SAKE ACELDAMA……END Zion now!! Break his fucking back if you have to!!!!
Zion won’t say no as Aceldama looks to give his Final Alliance the momentum they need heading into War Games as he doesn’t even give Zion a chance to rest. Ace grabs the almost lifeless body of Zion from the mat but Zion is fighting back!! Zion is delivering several elbow shots to the shoulder blade and the head of Aceldama with several right hits to Aceldama forcing him to release the hold on Zion. Knowing that Zion has an opportunity to capitalize on Ace, he sends a defining headbutt strike to the head of Aceldama which temporarily stuns Ace allowing Zion to take the chance to hit him with a desperate strike that plants Ace down onto the mat of the squared circle.
Joe Hoffman: TOUGH LOVE!!! HOLY SHIT ZION GETS THE TOUGH LOVE MOVE AND ACE IS DOWN!!
Benny Newell: NOOOO!!! COME ON ACE!! DON’T GIVE IN TO THIS HOOLIGAN AND FUCKING NERD!!!
Zion goes for the cover again as the crowd can’t believe it.
Joe Hoffman: NO!! Ace is able to get the shoulder up!!!!
Benny Newell: Fucking Darin Zion thought he had the win there, but that asshole KNOWS he can’t keep this up for much longer.
Zion is literally fighting for his life but it’s becoming a reality for him knowing Ace is getting back to his feet. Zion looking to give a last ditch move to end Ace here and now and strikes Ace in the head bringing him to one knee. Zion nods his head as he bounces off the ropes trying to connect with another knee to the face of Aceldama but before Zion can connect with the move, Aceldama lets out a war cry and grabs Zion by the throat and slamming him into the canvas with a violent chokeslam. Zion gets to his feet slowly but by the time he does, Aceldama connects with such a devastating move that it literally floors Zion back down to the mat.
Joe Hoffman: DAS BOOT!!!!
Benny Newell: YES!!!! Zion’s bell has been rang! Now come on Ace, END this match!!!
After flooring Zion with the Das Boot, Aceldama looks to officially END this match and heads to the top rope. Still down on the canvas, the DESTROYER of GOD heads to the top rope. He measures Zion and dives off the top of the rope delivering the move to end all moves.
Joe Hoffman: THE BLITZGRIEG!!
Benny Newell: YES!!!! GAME SET AND FUCKING MATCH MOTHERFUCKER!!
After Aceldama delivers the thunderous elbow drop into Zion, he rushes the ropes in knocking out Zion out once and for all. Ace comes off the ropes in the hopes of delivering the KO blow to the face of Zion but HE MOVES!!! Aceldama hits the mat and Zion uses the opportunity to grab Aceldama enough where he rolls Aceldama into a roll up as Hortega drops down to the mat.
Joe Hoffman: OH MY GOD!!!! ZION GOT HIM WITH A ROLL UP!!
Benny Newell: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!!?!
DING DING DING!!
Joe Hoffman: WAIT A MINUTE….WHAT?!
Benny Newell: YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!
DING DING DING!!
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner in twenty minutes and thirty two seconds……..REAL LOVE…..DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARIN ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIION!!!
Zion was able to pull off the shock roll up for just long enough to pull off the victory against Aceldama!
Joe Hoffman: OH MY GOD…HE DID IT!!!
Benny Newell: NO MOTHERFUCKING WAY!! ZION CHEATED HIS WAY TO A WIN!!!
Zion can’t believe it as his theme song hits after hearing Bryan’s winning announcement. Zion is spent but is able to get to his feet slowly and pose for the wild crowd in Houston.
Zion smiles as he grabs a mic from ringside.
Darin Zion: THANK YOU HOUSTON!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT BY I WAS ACTUALLY—
Before Zion can collectively celebrate, Aceldama nails him in the back. Zion falls down in the center of the ring and clearly he was exhausted and was unable to defend himself against an enraged Aceldama. Ace starts to unleash several right and left shocks against a defenseless Zion. Ace then levels Zion in the face with DAS BOOT taking him down to the canvas. Ace rolls out of the ring and grabs the steel ring steps. He tosses them into the ring as he clearly still looks pissed off the way he did. Ace picks up the ring steps as Zion is slow to get back to his feet. As he does, Ace is able to floor him straight into the head busting him wide open much to the dismay to the crowd. Zion uses the ropes to get back to his feet but is floored by ANOTHER DAS BOOT! Zion goes limp before Aceldama heads to the top rope. He looks down at Zion with enraged red eyes before diving off connecting with an elbow drop to Zion. Ace then bounces off the ropes before coming back at Zion and effectively hitting him with THE BLITZGRIEG! Zion is busted wide open as blood pours from his face. Ace looks down at Zion with complete hatred and outrage after the match ended the way it did. Feeling satisfied, Aceldama rolls out of the ring to an absolutely out cold Zion, sending him a message loud and clear as HOW medical rush the ring to attend to Zion.
Joe Hoffman: Never in a million years did I think Zion would win this match…but he did and now he has paid the ultimate disservice as HOW medical attend to Zion. Here on the last show before War Games, Darin Zion was able to topple the behemoth of Aceldama and giving Zion momentum heading into War Games….only to fall victim post match.
Benny Newell: Zion won the battle….Aceldama won the War and I dare say that Aceldama is a FAR BETTER position than Zion is for War Games.
Joe Hoffman: That being said….there is still a massive reason to celebrate Zion’s win here tonight! His heart won this match up tonight…even if it wasn’t how most people perceived that. If he continues this trend….he may actually have a shot at War Game to do what he’s been set out to do.
We cut elsewhere as the medical team continues to check on Zion while the EPU escort Aceldama backstage.
Time to End This
Following the Zion and Aceldama match, we are taking backstage where one Brian Hollywood is standing by with Blaire Moise.
Of course, Hollywood is accompanied by his TSA Guard and the lead TSA guard, seems like he’s taking in a long message brought upon with someone speaking into his earpiece.
Blaire Moise: Standing by, I’m with former HOW World Champion, Mr. Executive himself, Brian Hollywood!
We can hear the audience from the arena as Hollywood gracefully steps up seemingly in a good mood and ready to talk to Blaire as the crowd cheer loudly.
Blaire Moise: Ladies and gentlemen…please welcome my guest at this time…he is a former two time HOW World Champion and ready to make a lasting impact in the fatal four way wildcard match at War Games, please help me welcoming Brian Hollywood!
The crowd cheers as Hollywood appears to be in a good mood this week.
Brian Hollywood: Blaire, how are you doing tonight? Don’t worry…it’s a metaphor of course. We have the awesome people here in the great state of Texas! What’s up Houston?!
Hollywood receives a huge standing ovation and Hollywood can’t help but to take it all in.
Brian Hollywood: Thanks for that reception Houston! I love you guys! What do you guys think of War Games coming up?!
The crowd pops again as Hollywood is all fun and games here tonight.
Brian Hollywood: Obviously, the last time I was here on Chaos, the night didn’t exactly go my way. I was against Aceldama in a street fight and boy let me tell you guys…it didn’t end the way I wanted it too. Even still….it’s going to take a lot more than a brutal and cold motherfucker who is clearly being used as a PET, Aceldama, to end my career! I’ve constantly told everyone here in my war against the “Final Alliance” that they would have to END my fucking career here in HOW if they wished to toss me to the side. Instead, I had a match against Marvelo…which I’ve always questioned whether he had a prior arrangement WITH the Final Alliance…and I did what I always do against The Final Alliance and that is WIN!
Blaire nods her head as she obviously has follow up questions.
Blaire Moise: It’s clear no one know the “Alliance” you are talking about more than you do. You seem to be the only one in the modern era who knows how to combat the Alliance. Which begs the question…there is obviously history.
Hollywood raises an eyebrow as he questions where this interview is going.
Brian Hollywood: I’ve known you long enough, Blaire, in which I know exactly where your interviews go. Which makes me want to ask…do you think I would serve them?
Blaire is actually taken back from this question. She wasn’t sure if Hollywood was toying with her or if he legitimately was going to take this conversation to a different point.
Blaire Moise: I mean…do I really have to ask? And I mean no disrespect when I ask you this…but do you think Lee or the Final Alliance can use you as an ally rather than an enemy?
Hollywood simply smirks at the question Blaire asks. It was, after all, a good question no matter where fans stood when it came to Hollywood’s fight against or for the Alliance.
Brian Hollywood: Look Blaire…everyone here knows I used to run with Lee Best and his Alliance in one inception. But let’s get one thing crystal fucking clear. I’m coming for the HOW World Championship..or a couple championships for that matter. I know at the Pay Per View, I will be involved with a wild card match first. That’s all I ever wanted to begin with. You know…a chance to actually fight ON the PPV! So I’m going to take my opportunity and make the most of it like I used to do. Brian Fucking Hollywood has waited A LONG time in getting himself back on a PPV. And even though I’ll be fighting in potentially two matches…I have shown that shades of the old Hollywood is still very much alive! You see, Lee FEARS what I am! He knows that out of anyone else on this fucking roster, that I can and will deliver against ANY inception of the Alliance. Only this time…I’m aiming to capture HOW gold without the help in needing to do so. I’ll make alliances of my own if I have to…but make no mistake, Blaire, The Final Alliance as the GOD of HOW has stated, will meet a fitting end. What better way for an ironic story if the man who is to bring down the Alliance is the same man who RAN the Alliance BY HIMSELF and I end up walking out as HOW World Champion. I’ve waited a long time for this to be honest, Blaire.
This causes Blaire to all of a sudden become the voice of the opposition.
Blaire Moise: Look Mr. Hollywood…you’ve got your work cut out for you. I’m also not saying that you could very walk out the HOW World Champion.
Hollywood loved the sound of that. In fact, he fantasized about it. Winning the HOW World Championship again would SILENCE all the fucking haters out there. This actually caused Hollywood to get passionate about his speech.
Brian Hollywood: You want to know the sad part, Blaire? It’s that NO ONE in this fucking company….RIGHT NOW, besides Darin Zion knows I captured the HOW World Championship. Not once, but twice. I’m very capable of doing it a third time. Everyone in this god forsaken company has taken advantage of Lee Best and used him up as a fucking ragdoll and for fucking what? They actually need the support and resources from the GOD of HOW to win a HOW World Championship? It’s laughable at this stage, Blaire. I’ve waited a long time since I came back to HOW in order to make myself look good. And most of the time, it came at the expense of Lee Best himself. Not his Alliance…HIM! I’ve proven time and time again that I can beat his little ragtag dolls of Alliance at War Games. The only difference this time is that Lee made a mistake in giving me a shot in the first place. Who knows…might have an old spotlight for me….but that’s just because I’ve taken down several Alliance members over the course of my return here in HOW. Some things just never change…and in Lee Best’s mind…he knows I’ve got the most perfect shot here outside of Kostoff to actually take down an empire here.
Blaire looks confused at Hollywood’s last sentence.
Blaire Moise: Are you telling me that…
Hollywood cuts her off as he gets a bit emotional.
Brian Hollywood: You know…a lot of people have been damned in my current situation. Which begs the question…what the fuck do you have to say about all of this Lee?
Hollywood was stern and fierce with his comment. He knew Lee at one point appreciated his feedback and council with being a former Alliance member. Hollywood had more wins against ANY inception of The Alliance and he knew how to exploit it.
Brian Hollywood: Look, Blaire…War Games is merely a few weeks away and with this being the go home show…I wanted to make sure I made an impact. A win against Marvelo was merely the beginning. I know what stakes is on the line and what it will take to WIN! Now…you will most definitely NOT hear this from The Alliance and that’s because no matter who or what is on this roster….that I’M the be all end all of grudges. I once paved the way for The Alliance to swoop in and steal the victory. It’s going to be different this time.
Hollywood seemed focused and ever since his match against Aceldama, he had to be reminded of the seriousness of this match.
Brian Hollywood: I’ve had the pleasure of being on the same side of The Alliance AND AGAINST IT! So…with that being said…I’m literally prepared to go to WAR with The Alliance and anyone else who stands in my way. I’ve been on the shelf the last couple weeks but my fight against Aceldama wasn’t a bad thing. Aceldama is a fierce warrior…but I’m going to speak in absolutes here.
Brian Hollywood: Aceldama….since when did you become a fucking PUPPET of the Final Alliance? Seriously…when did you have to obedient to ANYONE?! The Aceldama that I know is one to not take for granted. You and I had an interesting fight….but at least you knew what was at stake. Do you seriously want to be remembered as a fucking tool? Because that’s ALL you’ll be remembered for. I know what I’m fighting for and I plan on giving my War Games team the advantage come time for War Games. I’m defiant and I’m tired of the status quo. So you tell me where you want to be when it’s time for this all out war to start. I can tell you with ONE thing certain, Aceldama. It’s that you won’t be remembered as being an animal…but that you will stand alone and someone who won’t be controlled. Anything else? Well…it will be nothing but a pathetic attempt at realizing what COULD have been. I’m all for a fight and I don’t want anything left behind when it comes to fighting against The Alliance. If it’s one thing I hate about the Alliance is that its all a perception and let me tell you this much more…if I’m left alive to fight the Alliance…as long as I’m a member of this HOW roster and I’m still fucking breathing…the Final Alliance will fucking NEVER be able to achieve what they want most and you know what….that’s just fine and fucking dandy to me…this war between myself and the Alliance? It’s just the beginning and I’m FAR from fucking done. One way or another the Alliance will be sent crumbling and send packing so as long as I’m a member of this god damn roster!
Hollywood was fired up and passionate before one of his lead TSA guards come up to him and whisper in his ear which surely catches the attention of Hollywood.
Brian Hollywood: Are you sure?
The TSA associate nods his head in certainly as Hollywood starts to support a very concerned look on his face. If whatever was being talked and whispered about was what Hollywood has been longfully waiting for, things were about to take an interesting turn in his life as he turns to his lead guard.
Brian Hollywood: Then my plan has fully gone into effect. Like I said……if this is the end that I’ve been seeing for some time…it will be time to confront it head on and end this long enduring chapter once and for all.
The TSA guard just simply nods his head in loyalty.
Brian Hollywood: Then my plan will finally take fruition. I’ve been waiting literally ALL of my life to come across this information. I’d like you to keep a tail on him. As for the others? It’s time I see to this personally because like all things in the quest of War Games….it’s time to end this ALL and take control. Prepare my jet….we leave in two hours!
What Hollywood was talking about was anyone’s guess…but if there were speculation to help what Hollywood was talking about it probably and most likely would involve his brother whom he just had learned actually exists but Hollywood remains unphased as if he’s had a plan for all of this all this time as the scene slowly fades to black and we hit our next commercial break.
Back from commercial, we find ourselves focused on a close shot of a HOW World Championship belt being held by a pair of gloved hands…but something seems off. It’s unclear if it’s the 97RED itself, or the hands holding it, until the shot pulls back…revealing the man who came up short in his quest for the gold two weeks ago, Xander Azula.
And here in Houston, the Fighter gets zero praise for his efforts, because he faces their hometown hero Dan Ryan in the main event.
This is not lost on Azula, who smirks in response at the chorus of boos coming his way coming from the Toyota Center crowd. He even gives them their moment to air their grievances loud and clear, slinging the replica belt over his shoulder before finally speaking.
Xander Azula: Good evening, Houston…the REAL World’s Champion is here.
Xander quickly learns that the crowd is far from finished with their bemusement, booing even louder somehow…and this manages to set the Fighter off, the smirk quickly fading into a snarl as he snaps in response to the situation.
Xander Azula: I said the REAL World’s Champion is here, damn it!
There’s little he can do to stop the crowd’s reaction, forcing the Fighter to calm himself and wait for the right moment to press on, the snarl not quite leaving his face.
Xander Azula: That’s okay, Houston. I know you’re just mad because I’m facing your favorite tonight, my second main event in three weeks. Maybe it’s because Lee Best finally sees what I’m capable of after I beat his American hero in New Orleans…or maybe the GOD of HOW has seen fit to punish his new champion by sending the Hammer down upon him.
The booing slowly fades out during the course of this statement, turning into cheers for the HOTv Champion set to defend the title tonight. Xander chuckles as he turns his attention to the title on his shoulder before continuing.
Xander Azula: Either way, I’m feeling hashtag blessed as the kids would say…because I am the champ, whether you or GOD himself chooses to accept it. I mean, look at this thing
Xander lifts the title from his shoulder to show it off, the crowd not willing to go along for the ride one bit as they continue booing. Xander pays them no mind before continuing, however.
Xander Azula: The centerpiece of my collection, but after tonight it will not sit lonely on the mantle. No, it’ll be joined by its little happy-go-lucky cousin when I take the High Octane Television Championship and head into the Fatal Four-Way at War Games a very rich, blessed man indeed. See you out there, Danny boy.
There’s a grin on his face with that last statement before the Fighter walks off, handing his championship to his Eternal Circle crew on the way out before we cut away.
The Most Awesome Team
The show cuts to a conference room where we find Ward standing in front of a whiteboard with a diagram of the Ward Games cell crudely drawn on it. Various circles and crosses are strewn around it with arrows sweeping in complex shapes linking them around. There are also a number of skull & cross bones dotted around it, with big red words like “DEATH”, “DIE DIE DIE” AND “KILL CLYD” near a few. Scribbled in one corner is the line “If Hortega is the ref, take him out. We can bribe Boettcher to make it totally ‘fair’ for us”
Ward enthusiastically circles an awful drawing of the World Championship title and stabs the whiteboard with a period.
Evan Ward: And THAT is exactly how we, Team Ward, the most awesome team ever put together, are going to win Ward Games and walk out with the World Championship. Any questions?
Ward looks around the room but no one responds, much to the captain’s dismay.
Evan Ward: Come on guys! It’s so simple, America is our lynchpin, Ace is our enforcer, Charlie runs interference, then I come in as our best, most fucking awesome team member and make a clean sweep. Any of you cannon fodder… I mean excellent wrestlers left will work with me to destroy the field with proper, concise team work. Does that make sense?
The hot dog salesman scratches his head and the Toyota Centre’s office receptionist raises her hand while the scrawny chicken pecked at some seeds on the table. Christopher America, Aceldama and Charles de Lacy, meanwhile, are nowhere to be seen.
Evan Ward: Yes! You, go ahead!
Receptionist: Uhh, like, what are we doing here? You just grabbed me from my desk and told me to sit here.
Hotdog Bloke: Yeah, I thought I was just delivering an order up here.
Evan snaps his fingers.
Evan Ward: Yes, good question Chicken de Lacy. You see, I booked this meeting well in advance, a good 45 minutes ago, I sent them all an invite on Teams and they never showed! I’ve got no fucking clue where any of my team are. The fuckers just disappeared. I mean, Charlie I’m not surprised, the poncy stuck up twat probably thinks it’s below his station to rub elbows with us common folk, but Ace and America? They’d better be beaten to shit and left for dead, I fucking swear.
Hotdog Bloke: Didn’t Aceldama just have a match?
Evan Ward: Uhnuhnuhnuhmuh, I don’t care. Zip it, Hotdogger America. He should be here, that German bastard is on for another bloody beating when I get my hands on him. At least I can be sure my best pal, Christopher, will have a good reason, he’d never let me down, not when I’m so close to winning his World Championship at Ward Games.
The two abducted non-team-members look at each other awkwardly.
Receptionist: Are you sure? I think he’s, like, getting a bit too pissed off with how bad you’re at covering up the fact you want his title.
Evan looks shocked.
Evan Ward: How dare you?! I would never say I wanted to take his title off him!
Receptionist: You literally just did.
Evan Ward: Shut it, Receptieldama. Anyway, anyway, this is the last show before Ward Games, the last chance to show the world how I’m the best captain ever and we’re all a close knit, awesome team. That means a strategy segment to show those wankers at home we have a plan which everyone is fully on board with! So here we all are… I mean, those tossers aren’t here but I am, and that’s all that matters. Solex, Clyd, Mitch, none of those fuckers are even half the captain I am! The whole team… no, the whole federation knows that. Who fucking cares if they’re not here, the show must go on, as long as I’m here to tell you guys my bloody awesome, sure fire winner of a plan then it’s all good! They can just watch it on the repeat airing.
Hotdog Bloke: But what if the production team cuts to this after you detailed your plan?
Ward’s eyes narrow and he starred daggers through the apronned food vender.
Evan Ward: You asshole, you absolute bastard, how dare you? How very dare you, suggesting the production crew is in on the conspiracy with Hortega and Clyd, trying to repress my awesomeness… But what if…?
Ward shakes his head.
Evan Ward: No, no, they’ll definitely show the whole half hour presentation, even if they cut out the twenty minute preamble.
The hotdog guy frowns and counts on his fingers.
Hotdog Bloke: Didnt you only send the invite the quarters of an hour ago?
The hall of famer rolls his eyes.
Evan Ward; Urgh, you have no concept of how time works, no wonder you were late with your delivery. It tasted like shit, you know? SHIT! Look, you two, if you could just follow Chicken de Lacy’s example, you’ll do just fine.
Chicken: Buck, buck, buck, buKAAAAAWWWWK!
Evan gives the chicken a thumbs up
Evan Ward: Good stuff, Chicken, keep those valuable insights coming and you won’t be deep fried and skinned in a burger tonight. Unless I get hungry. Okay, guys, just in case no one saw it the first, I’ll run through it all again, from the top…
He wipes the diagram off the board. Or at least he tries to, he tries vigorously. He looks at the pen, which turns out to be a permanent marker. He shrugs and flips the whiteboard over to draw on the other side, but doesn’t change pen.
Evan Ward: So you all pay attention this time, and all you fuckheadd at home and especially you bloody Wardist cunts in the production truck, because this is important. Without a full understanding of this absolutely airtight, unbeatable, one-of-kind strategy which revolves entirely around team work, you’ll never win Ward Games. So, this is the Ward Games ring…
Evan begins redrawing the diagram as the segment runs out of time as the next match is getting ready to start. Ward is not aware of this so continues his presentation to two random people and a chicken and none of his team mates will ever know the incredibly awesome battle plan he had laid out and will never, ever remember after leaving the arena tonight. Before the camera cuts away to ringside it spots Evan’s phone on the table, lighting up with a dozen messages from the World Champion and zooms in for the viewers to read them:
“Where the fuck are you?”
“We’re all waiting for you!”
“Get your ass over here you incompetent Welsh fuck.”
“Aceldama’s brought a dominatrix and she’s freaking out my innocent Red!”
“Some captain you are!”
Cut to commercial…
#2 Dan Ryan vs. #19 Xander Azula
Back live from commercial break and we shift back to the ringside area of the Toyota Center. The crowd is on their feet knowing there is only one more match here tonight on Chaos. The camera pans over to the announcer’s table where the Hall of Fame broadcast team of Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell are ready to call the action.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back to ringside ladies and gentlemen and as you already know, it’s time for our main event here on Chaos 031 where the HOTv Championship belt will be on the line.
Benny Newell: HAMMER of GOD!
Joe Hoffman: The hometown wrestler and HOTv and HOTv Tag Team Champion Dan Ryan defends the HOTv Championship belt against The Fighter Xander Azula.
Benny Newell: You mean the fucking NERD that cheated two weeks ago?
Joe Hoffman: I think you mean the man that was cheated out of the HOW World Championship belt.
Benny Newell: No, I definitely mean the NERD that cheated by placing his filthy hands on 97red. There have been police reports filed and a restraining order signed. No woman should be treated like that, Hoffman. But man, let me tell you about these strippers here in Houston…
Joe Hoffman: And before Benny continues that thought, let’s send to the ring where Bryan McVay is ready to make the introductions.
The camera shifts to the center of the ring where Bryan McVay stands with his microphone in hand. Senior referee Matt Boettcher stands behind McVay as he raises the microphone up to his lips.
Bryan McVay: Our next contest is the main event of the evening and it’s for the HOTv Championship!
The crowd pops for the announcement and begins chanting. McVay waits for the crowd to quiet down a bit before speaking again.
Bryan McVay: Introducing first the Challenger…
The whistling intro of “Engel” plays over the PA system, setting the crowd off in a chorus of boos as Xander Azula steps out onto the stage. The members of the Eternal Circle follow The Fighter as he holds his replica HOW World Championship belt over his right shoulder. Xander raises his arms into the air surveying the crowd with a snarl on his face.
Bryan McVay: From Long Beach, California, weighing in at 230 lbs. He is The Fighter XANDER! AZULAAAAAAAAAA!!!
The crowd shows their disdain for Xander, whose snarl fades into a smirk as he taunts those jeering him during his journey to the ring. The Eternal Circle members cheer on the Head Disciple as he shows off his title. Xander spots along the ramp to point and yell at fans that he’s the Champion.
Joe Hoffman: The Houston crowd isn’t showing Xander much love here tonight. But as it was stated earlier, two weeks ago Xander took Christopher America to the absolute limit. If not for Lee Best and shenanigans then Xander Azula would be the HOW World Champion right now.
Benny Newell: What he is, Joe, is fucking delusional. Just look at this NERD, he’s going around calling himself the REAL World Champion while carrying a replica belt. And he had the nerve to say he’s taking Dan’s belt here tonight too? This guy is going to get fucking obliterated!
The crowd here in Houston continues to shower Xander in hate as he circles the ringside area. Xander slides into the ring and then finds the nearest corner. Azula climbs the turnbuckle and shows off his replica World Championship belt to the crowd who continue to verbally abuse The Fighter. Xander hops down off the turnbuckle and leans in the corner with a smile on his face as McVay raises the microphone into the air.
Bryan McVay: And now the Champion…
The camera pans over the Toyota Center. There’s a buzz in the air as the High Octane faithful wait. Slowly, the lights in the arena start to dim, almost to black, but not quite.
A lightning effect flashes in the arena, followed by a thundering sound, and music begins to play.
“DADDY’S HOME” by JT Music.
Somewhere beyond the sea
Something slumbers underneath
When she wakes up from her dreams
We’ll be reborn from the deep
The strobe lightning effect continues, and as the opening lines of the first verse start to play, a large figure steps out onto the stage. His appearance is met with another thundering sound, this time the sound of Earth rumbling cheers from all over the building.
Dan Ryan stands center stage, soaking it in. He’s been booed most of his career. This time, he’s at home in Houston and is getting a hero’s welcome. But he soaks it all in, then starts to walk down the ramp.
Bryan McVay: From right here in HOUSTON, TEXAS!!! Weighing in at 295 lbs. Representing The Final Alliance, he is one-half of the HOTv ‘Co-World’ Tag Team Champions and the reigning HOTv Champion. Please welcome ‘The HAMMER of GOD’ DANNNNNNNNNN! RYANNNNNNNNNN!!!
Hold your noses cuz we’re going for another long dive
Some call me Father, others call me Johnny Topside
Long forgotten, I was swept up by the wrong tide
Thought my bed was made but I just woke up on the wrong side
Halfway down the ramp, someone throws their bra in his direction, but he sidesteps it, and glances over as EPU rush in to subdue the fan responsible. Ryan makes it to the ring, then stops and looks out into the crowd once again, soaking in the reaction with no expression.
Joe Hoffman: Will you listen to this ovation for Dan Ryan here in Houston?! The HOTv Champion has been on a redemption tour since his return to HOW. Collecting both HOTv Championship belts in the process. Is a War Games win next in line for Dan Ryan?
Benny Newell: These people are losing their shit, Hoffhole, because DADDY IS TRULY HOME! That means bad fucking news for NERD Azula and his pack of hooded spooky NERDS. We’re going to witness a Hammer drop the likes that have never been seen before.
I’m the heavyweight champ, you won’t even last a round
Too long you brutes abused the juice, now you get smacked around
Delta’s held the belt so many years here in Rapture now
Baddest motherfucker in the building, who’s your daddy now?
I’ll ask you nicely, would you kindly put your weapon down?
And cut the cameras cuz I’d rather not be ratted out
I’m on the path to power, I would’ve made Atlas proud
Hit you with the one two punch, zap and whack you out
Ryan cracks his neck, then climbs up onto the apron and climbs through the ropes. He dashes into the ropes, bounces off and sprints to a turnbuckle, step-climbing up and then roaring into the crowd while pointing down at both HOTv Championship belts strapped around his waist.
Ryan hops down, then circles the ring for a moment, letting the cheers continue to rain down all over him, but he gets clobbered with a shot to the back of the head by Xander and his replica HOW World Championship belt.
Joe Hoffman: Xander Azula just attacked Dan Ryan with his replica HOW World Championship belt before the ring here!
Benny Newell: That NERD and his toy belt are asking for it. You do not sneak attack Murder Daddy here in Houston of all places and expect to have functioning limbs after all of this is done!
The boos rain down hard as Xander begins to stomp away at the body of the HOTv Champion. Xander points at his replica Championship belt and yells at Dan that his belt means more than both of his combined. McVay exits the ring quickly as Boettcher makes his way over and pulls Xander away from Dan. Xander celebrates his pre-match attack as Boettcher asks Ryan if he wants to go through with the match. Dan nods his head to a pop from the hometown crowd. Boettcher takes the HOTv Championship belt away from Dan who tosses his Tag Team title to the timekeeper. Boettcher raises the HOTv Championship belt high into the air as Xander hands his replica belt off to his Eternal Circle members.
Joe Hoffman: Matt Boettcher has restored order and it looks like this match is going to officially begin.
Boettcher orders the Eternal Circle members away from ringside before admonishing Xander. The Fighter holds his hands up in surrender as Dan Ryan recovers in the opposite corner. Boettcher calls for the bell so that this match can begin.
DING DING DING
Xander sprints across the ring and then begins laying in more boots on Dan Ryan before he can regain a vertical base. Xander places his boot on Dan’s neck as Boettcher begins a five count. Xander moves his boot at the count of four and then backs away from the corner a bit. Dan coughs and fights for oxygen but Xander grabs a hold of one of his legs. Xander ties Dan’s boot up in the middle and bottom ropes. Once trapped, Xander begins hitting vicious knee drops to the bad hip of Ryan.
Joe Hoffman: Xander knows that hip isn’t 100% after the title defense that Dan had against Nettie last week. He’s picked out a weak point and he’s attacking it right off the bat.
Benny Newell: Dan Ryan is six feet seven inches tall and nearly three hundred pounds. When you’re a sawed-off NERD like Azula, chopping down the tree-like physique of Dan Ryan and job number fucking one.
Boettcher begins another five count but Xander just keeps dropping knees on the hip of the Champion. Dan swats at Xander but The Fighter stays out of reach. Boettcher comes over and starts to help Ryan get untied from the ropes. Xander seizes the opportunity by racing in and hitting Dan with a vicious running knee strike to the temple. Ryan slumps over on the canvas as Xander begins to drag the larger man away from the ropes. Xander hooks the leg and makes the cover as Boettcher slides in.
Matt Boettcher: ONE
Matt Boettcher: TWO
POWERFUL KICKOUT BY DAN RYAN!
Joe Hoffman: I think Xander knew he wasn’t going to beat Dan Ryan that easily but in a title match you take every single opportunity that you can get.
Benny Newell: What you see as an opportunity, I call pissing off Murder Daddy. If Xander was smart he’d lie down right now and just let himself get pinned. Save himself for War Games!
Joe Hoffman: Xander Azula is a Fighter. He wouldn’t just lay down against any opponent.
Benny Newell: The only fight Xander is going to have after Dan is done is the one to pay all of his medical bills.
The crowd pops for the kickout that sends Xander skidding across the ring. Xander gathers himself and then races toward Ryan before Ryan can fully back up to his feet. However, Dan Ryan roars to life by catching Xander and hitting him with a spinebuster to the canvas. The crowd explodes with cheers as Dan rolls over and pounds his fist on his hip. Slowly, Dan Ryan pulls himself back up to his feet. Xander meets him and fires off forearm shots to the chest of Ryan but Dan absorbs the blows. Ryan rears back and hits Xander with a chop across the chest that sounds like a gunshot went off inside the Toyota Center. Xander recoils into himself as all of the air leaves his body from the impact of the chop.
Joe Hoffman: Dan Ryan just tried to cave in Xander’s chest cavity with that chop!
Benny Newell: I haven’t heard a gun blast like that since Steve Solex saw someone trying to walk along his lawn!
Dan Ryan grabs a hold of Xander and then whips him onto the ropes. Xander rebounds off the ropes but Dan levels him with a running clothesline. Azula is back up to his feet quickly but Ryan charges and hits Xander with a running big boot to the face that sends him right back down. Dan hops around a bit after the move, clearly still feeling the pain from the bad hip. Dan takes a moment to get himself right as Xander pulls himself back up to his feet. Xander charges at Dan with a bicycle kick but Ryan steps to the side. Dan grabs a hold of Xander from behind and then dunks him down to the canvas with a full nelson slam. Dan drops down and makes the cover on Xander as Boettcher slides in.
Matt Boettcher: ONE
Matt Boettcher: TWO
Matt Boettcher: THR–
XANDER GETS HIS SHOULDER OFF THE CANVAS BEFORE THE THREE!
Joe Hoffman: I thought that was it but Xander is showing that same toughness he did against Christopher America by getting his shoulder off of the canvas.
Benny Newell: I’m pretty sure that full nelson slam gave Xander a concussion, among other things. Xander getting his shoulder off the canvas was really him reaching out for that light at the end of the tunnel.
Dan Ryan pulls himself up to his feet and then makes his way over toward the ropes. Dan steps out to the ring apron and then looks out at the crowd. The Houston stand on their feet and begin to cheer as Ryan begins to climb the turnbuckle. Dan struggles a bit getting to the top rope due to his hip as Xander regains a vertical base. Ryan makes it to the top rope but Xander charges and hits Dan with a dropkick right to the hip. Dan loses his balance and gives crotched along the top turnbuckle. The crowd gasps as the pain is etched on Dan’s face while Xander takes a moment to recover. Xander grabs Dan by the hair before gripping the headlock. Xander pulls Dan back before spiking him down to the canvas with a hanging DDT from the top.
Joe Hoffman: Dan Ryan tried to go up to the high-rent district but got caught by Xander. Azula regained control of this match with a vicious DDT as Dan Ryan was crotched on the top turnbuckle.
Benny Newell: Xander got lucky. Dan Ryan was about to flatten that NERD but of course, Carey ruins everything. Dan just needs a moment to pop his hip back into place and then Azula is done like Texas BBQ.
Xander gets up to his feet and measures up Dan as begins to fight his way off of the canvas. Dan uses the ropes to pull himself back up to his feet but Xander charges forward. Xander hits Dan with an awkward chop block that is more to the hip and quad than it is to the knee. Dan hits the canvas in pain as Xander pulls himself back up to his feet. Xander turns and races toward the ropes. Xander bounces off the ropes as Dan begins to pull himself up. Azula grabs a hold of Ryan and hits him with a swinging neckbreaker that takes him down to the canvas. Xander gets back up to his feet and then begins to repeatedly stomp the hip of Dan Ryan while he’s down. Dan manages to scoot himself to the bottom rope forcing Boettcher to pull Xander away from him.
Joe Hoffman: Xander knows that the best way to neutralize Dan Ryan’s power is to keep the man on the canvas. If Dan Ryan is on his back then 97% of his power is gone. Also, Azula’s attacks to the hip have been so effective that Dan had to find the bottom rope to stop Xander.
Benny Newell: No way Dan Ryan loses here in Houston to Xander Azula. This isn’t a match booked by The Evil Empire. Dan Ryan is going to get himself to his feet and then he’s going to run through NERDzula like an angry bull at the rodeo.
Dan uses the ropes to try and pull himself up to his feet slowly as Xander begins to close the distance between the two men. Xander wraps his arms around Ryan from behind and goes for a German suplex but Dan is too big and too heavy. Ryan begins to hit Xander with elbow shots to the side of the head which causes him to lose his grip. Azula staggers backward from the elbow shots as Dan turns around and charges. Xander sees Dan coming and hits him with a drop toe hold that sends the HOTv Champion throat first across the middle rope. Xander places his knee and all of his weight on the back of Dan Ryan’s neck. Boettcher makes his way over and begins another five count. Xander gets off of Dan’s neck at 4.9999 and then backs up. Xander lines Dan up and then charges.
Joe Hoffman: XANDER HIT DAN WITH THE SNUB TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD WHILE HE’S DRAPED ACROSS THE MIDDLE ROPE!
Benny Newell: THAT’S LEGAL! HE WAS LITERALLY IN THE ROPES! I SWEAR TO LEE IF BITTCHER DARES TO COUNT DAN’S SHOULDERS ON THE MAT…
Ryan falls to the canvas hard as Xander drags the big man to the center of the ring. Xander hooks the leg and makes the cover Dan as Boettcher slides in for the count.
Matt Boettcher: ONE
Matt Boettcher: TWO
Matt Boettcher: THREE!!!
NOOOOOOOO!!! DAN RYAN GOT HIS SHOULDER OFF THE CANVAS BEFORE THE THREE!
The crowd erupts with cheers as Xander can’t believe it. Xander quickly hooks both of Dan’s legs and makes the cover as Boettcher counts again.
Matt Boettcher: ONE
Matt Boettcher: TWO
Matt Boettcher: THRE–
DAN RYAN KICKS OUT WITH FORCE THIS TIME AND THE HOUSTON CROWD BEGINS CHANTING!
Joe Hoffman: Xander Azula just tried to pin Dan Ryan on two different occasions but both times the HOTv Champion managed to kick out. Now, with the hometown crowd behind him, we’ll see if Dan Ryan can fight his way back into this match.
Benny Newell: Azula knows he done fucked up which is why he tried so desperately to end it right there. Murder Daddy is done playing with his food here in Houston and now it’s time to teach this NERD a lesson.
Xander gets back up to his feet and stalks around Dan Ryan who struggles to return to a vertical base. Azula spins and goes for The Fist of Eris but Dan Ryan shoots up to his feet and catches the spinning back fist. Dan captures Azula’s fist between his body and his massive arm. The crowd cheers wildly as Xander tries to yank his arm free. Dan grabs hold of Azula with both hands and then lifts him high into the air over his head. Dan begins to march around the ring with Xander held high above his head.
Dan Ryan: WHO FUCKING WANTS HIM?!
Fans from each side of the Toyota Center begin screaming at the top of their lungs as Dan walks to either side of the ring. Xander begins shaking his head no but Dan Ryan yeets Azula over the top rope and into the crowd here in Houston.
Joe Hoffman: Xander Azula just got cleared for takeoff!
Benny Newell: HOLEE SHIT! HOUSTON, HE’S YOUR PROBLEM NOW!
The crowd here in Houston body surfs Xander around like a beach ball at a baseball game until violently disposting him to the arena floor. This gives Dan plenty of time to work out the kinks in his hip. Xander pulls himself up to the ring apron and through the ropes. Dan grabs a hold of Xander and yeets him this time with an overhead release belly-to-belly suplex. Xander hits the mat hard as Dan pulls himself back up to his feet. Azula staggers back up as Ryan charges.
Joe Hoffman: DAN RYAN HIS RAN THROUGH XANDER AZULA WITH THE HAMMER OF GOD!
The sprinting rolling elbow smash finds its mark and Azula falls to the canvas than a Houston Rockets regular season record. Dan grabs a hold of Xander by the hair and then pulls him up to a vertical base. Ryan lifts Xander up onto his shoulders as the crowd goes insane. Dan holds Xander there in the middle of the ring and then lets out a mighty roar.
Benny Newell: HEADLINER! NIGHT NIGHT NERDZULA!!!
Dan plants Xander down to the canvas with the Burning Hammer much to the delight of the hometown crowd. Dan rolls Xander onto his back and then presses his hands down on his opponent’s chest like a man that knows that there is zero doubt of his victory.
Matt Boettcher: ONE
Matt Boettcher: TWO
Matt Boettcher: THREE!!!
DING DING DING!!!
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner… AND STILLLLL HIGH OCTANE TELEVISION CHAMPION! DANNNNNNNN RYANNNNNNNNN!!!
Dan Ryan gets up to his feet and looks out at the cheering crowd here in Houston. “DADDY’S HOME” blasts as Boettcher presents Dan with his HOTv Championship belt and his HOTv ‘Co-World’ Tag Team Championship belt.
Joe Hoffman: Strong effort by Xander Azula but it wasn’t enough tonight as Dan Ryan retains the HOTv Championship belt here in Houston, Texas. Xander has to pick himself up and focus on winning himself a spot in the War Games match in Mexico City.
Benny Newell: You’re damn right he does because if he doesn’t? He’s going to suffer another ass-whooping from Dan Ryan just like he did here tonight. NERDzula isn’t the HOTv Champion, he sure as fuck isn’t the HOW World Champion. However, at least he can pull a Stevens and claim he was a member of a winning War Games team.
Joe Hoffman: That’s it for the main event here tonight, folks. We’re going to take one final commercial break and then we’ll be back here for what I am being told a very special segment to end the show. We will be right back everyone!!
We get a shot of Dan Ryan standing on the middle rope in the corner, holding both of his Championship belts high into the air before we cut to a commercial break.
Chaos Reigns Supreme
Back live and “STRONKER” by FLAV RILLE immediately hits the PA system.
A few moments later, STRONk pushes through the curtain to a mixed reaction from the fans. He turns his head from side to side, surveying the crowd. He wears a baggy gray sweatshirt and sweatpants ensemble, complete with Final Alliance letterman jacket. To his right, Michael Oliver Best, adorning a bespoke suit and carrying a mic in hand. To his left, Coach SWOLEX in the same camo sweatsuit and white towel as he wore during the now-infamous “299” press conference earlier this week.
Upon reaching and entering the ring, in which a digital weigh-in scale has been discreetly placed by ninja-esque stagehands, the three men pace about, taking in the smattering of boos from the fans in attendance. STRONk asked if he could carry the scale to the ring, but apparently that’s already been a thing in pro wrestling, having been done by a reputed super heavyweight in some other promotion decades ago.
In the distance, faint, barely audible “STRONK DADDY” chants are heard. Despite his recent transgressions, there are still STRONk loyalists in the crowd.
Uncle Oliver takes center stage, staring a hole through the hard cam.
MOB: “First of all, Houston, thank you for remaining with us past the conclusion of tonight’s main event. I’m sure you all have… meth and child abuse to get home to… you all disgust me… so it means a whole heck of a lot that you’ve stayed seated and stationary for what’s to come next, that is, a most momentous occasion.”
The Brother of GOD lowers the mic to his thigh as the crowd boos aggressively. Best not to encourage the poors by amplifying their blue-collar profanities.
MOB: “Six months ago. Six looong, grueling months ago, this man lay in a hospital bed… balancing on death’s knife edge. Depleted of his most cherished muscles and deep-set striations. Robbed of precious childhood memories by blunt force trauma. His majestic glisten stripped from him. Now, weaker men would’ve turned tail. Weaker men would have cashed out. Weaker men would have called it quits. But not this man… not… STRONk.”
Boos directed at Michael Oliver Best momentarily transition to nostalgic cheers of “STRONK! STRONK! STRONK!” But STRONk never blinks, let alone acknowledges the fans’ support; he remains stoic and unflinching in the corner of the ring.
MOB: “Save your applause, plebs. This ain’t the Price Is Right—you’re not going to be plucked from the audience and serendipitously win a new washer-dryer set!”
Michael Oliver Best does a double take of STRONk, pauses, looking as though something just occurred to him.
MOB: “Wait, wait, STRONk—small ‘k’, no, that doesn’t feel right, now does it? Doesn’t sound quite right. There’s something… different… about you.”
STRONk: “YeS. STRONk GRoWs. ALwAYS.”
MOB: “Hop up on the scale, Mister Godson. Go ahead.”
MOB turns slightly to face the crowd, a knowing smirk flashing across his face. Meticulously planned, flawlessly executed. A good reveal is all about the foreplay.
STRONk gets up on the scale, quickly shedding all of his clothes and dropping them to the mat as MOB and Solex hold up a privacy sheet over his lower half.
The video wall sparks to life, with a black background and a blinking 97RED “0.0” in the center.
A few seconds go by, then…
The crowd can’t help but POP; STRONk’s actually done it, clawed his way back to physical respectability from a frail, malnourished two hundred and thirty pounds (at five foot nine inches tall). The expression on his face is pure childlike joy mixed with violent mania, eyes bloodshot and pained. He flexes every muscle in his body, turning his face a deep shade of red, growling out a sound that is more animal than human.
MOB peeks over the privacy sheet, notices something is off, and taps STRONk’s shoulder.
MOB: (away from mic) “Mister Godson… your… appendage… is… erroneously supported.”
STRONk looks down, adjusts himself, and looks back to the video wall for acknowledgement of his corrective action.
A few seconds of a blinking crimson red 0.0, followed by…
Michael Oliver Best throws his hands in the air triumphantly, shouting, “He’s done it! The man has done it!” away from the mic, too happy to even think about speaking directly to the fans. This wasn’t about them, after all; no, this was about his client and his miraculous recovery.
MOB: “LADIES and GENTLEMEN, I give to you… the RETURN… of…”
Solex stands with his arms crossed, nodding his head, a proud smile somewhat creeping through. He’d worked very hard, as a personal favor to Lee Best, to help turn stronk back into STRONK. He’s no doctor, but he knows enough about weightlifting and being swole to know: It shouldn’t have been possible to gain the amount of lean muscle mass the big man did in such a stupidly short amount of time… but medical science is crazy… and Godson, well, he sure does work hard.
Once again dressed and now back standing on the ring floor, STRONk fires off every go-to bodybuilding pose he’s ever seen, heard tell of, or once imagined impossible.
He’s going through them at a frenetic pace, transitioning between poses every second or two, his arms shooting out in different directions, at different (sharp) angles, almost catching MOB at one point had Solex not clocked the threat and jerked him out of harm’s way at the last possible second.
MOB points at his client.
There’s no mistaking it—the King Stallion is back.
Deep breath in.
The announcement of STRONK’s promotion back to all caps rings out, eliciting a ferocious chorus of boos from the crowd. However, the reaction suddenly shifts, and the boos turn into a frenzy of cheers as a colossal figure appears from behind the curtain, with three others in tow.
Benny Newell: NO!!!!! IT’S THE NERDS!!!
The feed quickly pivots and standing atop the entrance ramp is the behemoth, Clay Byrd. He’s flanked by groups of two on either side. On one side are Scott Stevens and Scottywood, while Bobinette Carey and Charles de Lacy stand on the other.
Joe Hoffman: It’s Clay Byrd! And he’s brought back up!
Benny Newell: NO HE HASN’T HOFFHOLE! HE’S BROUGHT NERDS!
Joe Hoffman: They’re not his friends, but this isn’t about friends Benny, this is about getting their hands on the Final Alliance and most importantly, this is about WAR GAMES!!!!
The four individuals make a beeline for the ring, charging down the ramp with their sights set on the Final Alliance members. Meanwhile, Clay Byrd paces the ramp in a methodical manner, keeping his gaze fixed on Solex. MOB drops to the mat and rolls out of the ring and makes his exit through the crowd, losing his top-hat at ringside in the process.
Joe Hoffman: Where’s that coward going?!
Benny Newell: You shut your whore mouth, Hoff-tits! Michael Oliver Best is the epitome of courage!
Solex slaps STRONK on the back and shouts some words of encouragement as they prepare for the attack, but then…
Joe Hoffman: Hey! Wait!
Benny Newell: YES!!!
Dan Ryan and Jatt Starr appear out of nowhere as they jump the guard rail and cut off the path of Stevens, Scottywood, Carey and de Lacy. The crowd goes absolutely ballistic as Dan Ryan and Jatt Starr begin to take a beating from the other four, but their cheers are cut short as STRONK barrels in and takes control of the situation with a frantic pace of devastating blows that nearly evens the odds.
Joe Hoffman: Evan Ward!
Evan Ward charges down the ramp making his attack from behind.
Benny Newell: YES! They don’t stand a chance with the odds even!
Joe Hoffman: Please…wait!
Joe Hoffman: OH MY GOD! CONOR FUSE OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A TRASH CAN TO THE BACK OF EVAN WARD’S HEAD!
Conor Fuse: DUCK NEXT TIME ASSHOLE!!!
Conor Fuse sends Evan Ward tumbling into the chaotic brawl and follows after him with a flurry of punches aimed at anything that moves.
Joe Hoffman: Solex is still in the ring and Clay Byrd is marching up the steps!
Solex backs himself into a corner as Clay Byrd steps into the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Byrd has been waiting months for this! He’s finally going to get his hands on Steve Solex!
Benny Newell: The MERCDAD fears no one, Joe!’
Solex and Clay Byrd lock eyes in the ring as Zion and Hollywood charge down the ramp and join the madness. The fight spills down the ramp and breaks out into a smattering of individual fights around the ring, with Conor Fuse and Evan Ward exchanging blows, and Scott Stevens and Dan Ryan engaging in fisticuffs. Meanwhile, Jatt Starr and Bobinette Carey roll around ringside, throwing wild punches at each other. Scottywood tries to fend off Hollywood and Zion, but the two potential War Games teammates have the upper hand in numbers. Just as Xander Azula enters the fray, Zach Kostoff delivers a devastating clothesline, flattening him instantly.
Back in the ring Byrd and Solex are still staring each other down from opposite sides of the squared circle…
Benny Newell: All hail the World Champion!
Just then, the camera centers in on Christopher America at the top of the ramp, clutching his HOW World Championship tightly to his chest as he walks out from behind the curtain.
Benny Newell: Would you look at that! A spotlight shines on the Champion as he watches on in all his glory!
The spotlight Benny is referring to is a man perched above the entrance way with a flood light, pointing it down on the champion.
Joe Hoffman: …please Benny.
America stares down the ramp for a few seconds, both Solex and Byrd stare up at him.
Joe Hoffman: Where’s he going?!
America smirks, looks down at his championship then back up at the fight. He shakes his head and then turns his back and walks back through the curtain to the back.
Joe Hoffman: Where the hell is he going?
Benny Newell: He’s the Champion, Joe! This is beneath him. He deserves the spotlight, and he had it!
The crowd suddenly erupts in cheers as Clay Byrd, who’s staring across the ring at Solex, smiles a tooth grin from ear to ear as Solex takes a defensive posture with a sideways look on his face, confused as to what Byrd is smiling about.
Benny Newell: What in the NERD hell?! WHO IS THAT?!
A man, with a steel chair in hand, slides into the ring right behind Solex.
Joe Hoffman: IT’S JOE BERGMAN!!!
Benny Newell: That prick should be in England! That draft dodging dork shouldn’t be here! LOOK OUT SOLEX! THERE’S A NERD BEHIND YOU!
Bergman locks his eyes on the back of the head of the unsuspecting Solex and with a firm grip on the steel chair, he prepares to deliver a massive swing aimed directly at Solex’s skull.
Benny Newell: NOOOOO!!!!!!
The crowd falls into a deafening silence as the sickening sound of steel connecting with skull reverberates throughout the arena.
Joe Hoffman: What the hell…
Joe Bergman stands tall as the fans in the arena remain silent. The steel chair still firmly in Bergman’s grasp but now down at his side and displaying a dent the size of a human head in the seat.
Joe Hoffman: What did I just witness?!
Bergman stands over Clay Byrd, who wears a crimson mask of blood from an Earth-shattering chair shot that absolutely flattened the Monster from Plainview. Solex stands motionless, his face drained of all color, his jaw hanging open as his eyes widen in disbelief.
The camera pans out, showing Bergman standing over Byrd and glaring over at Solex as the rest of the War Games competitors continue to fight on the outside of the ring as the lower third appears and the screen eventually fades to black as Chaos reigns supreme.
Mi Nombre es...
BUT before the copyright hits……and while chaos continues to reign supreme inside the arena….we cut elsewhere….
Voice: Mi nombre es muerte.
The backstage area has been reduced to wreckage, appearing as though a tornado has come directly through the area near the parking garage. The voice has no face, but instead seems to narrate the scene from off camera.
Voice: Mi nombre es caos.
In the middle of the fray, a small, mangled body lies still, his skull acting as the centerpiece to a coagulating puddle of crimson. It’s entirely possible that Marvolo is dead, but even if he isn’t, he’s been left to drown in his own mess.
Voice: Mi nombre es…
Slowly, the camera pans to the left, following a trail of blood from the unconscious body of Marvolo all the way to his attacker. The hood up on his black sweatshirt, the man slowly pulls it off to reveal the mask beneath. A white and gold luchador mask sparkles beneath the low backstage light, as he stares into the camera with bloodshot eyes.
Voice: … El Hombre Blanco.
A new War Games challenger appears.
CHAOS officially comes to an end.