Chaos 023
  • Event Type: weekly

Chaos 023

Event Date: February 19, 2023 at 10:00 pm

#NR Marvolo vs. #13 Great Scott

The PWA and HOTv logos give way to a big display of pyro, much to the delight of the large crowd inside the PPG Paints Arena in Pittsburgh. We cut to the ringside area, where Joe Hoffman and Benny Newell are standing by on commentary!

Joe Hoffman: Hello HOW fans, welcome to another exciting edition of Chaos from lovely Pittsburgh! I’m Joe Hoffman alongside Benny Newell, and after a crazy show last week with the Lethal Lottery, we are now firmly on the road to March to Glory with a stacked lineup ahead! Our main event sees Joe Bergman defend the High Octane Television Championship against Bobbinette Carey, a clash between Hall of Famers that looks to be an exciting bout!

Benny Newell: I dunno if exciting is the word for it, Joe! The evil Empire rolls on with OUR network championship, and who’s meant to release the chokehold Darth Bergman has on it? Bobbinette Carey!? I…y’know what, I think I’m gonna refrain from my thoughts on this.

Joe Hoffman: Also set for action is the number one ranked wrestler in HOW right now, Steve Solex, taking on Xander Azula in singles action as Solex gets ready to face Jace Parker Davidson at March to Glory for the LSD Championship!

Benny just starts muttering under his breath, much to the confusion of Hoffman.

Joe Hoffman: What’s wrong, Benny? Aren’t you excited to see your favorite Mercdad in action?

Benny Newell: Yes! And since you asked, I’ll tell ya what’s wrong…Xander having the balls–the BALLS, I say–to call ME out earlier this week, because I was rooting for Solex two years ago! I hope Steve beats the living hell out of Azula tonight, so we can all move on with our lives.

Joe Hoffman: Well, you might get a kick out of the next match on the rundown as Conor Fuse takes on Brian Hollywood, one week removed from Hollywood’s unsuccessful attempt to beat Christopher America for the HOW World Championship as Conor looks ready to make an attempt himself at March to Glory!

Benny Newell: Joe, what you just said is not only insulting but hurtful. That you would insinuate that I would “get a kick” out of seeing Fuse here tonight hurts my soul…but, to your credit, at least it’s not Darin Zion.

Joe Hoffman: I…well…right, before all of that goes down, we have ourselves a fun opening contest as Marvolo makes his in-ring debut in the land of High Octane to face the former High Octane Television Champion himself, Great Scott!

With that we cut to the ring itself, where Joel Hortega and Bryan McVay are standing by for the opening bout of the night!

Bryan McVay: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first…

The arena goes dark. The discordant intro of Chesney Hawke’s The One and Only screeches into the blackness, growing louder and louder until—

 

“I am the one and only

Nobody I’d rather be!”

 

A spotlight shines on the stage, illuminating Raquel, who receives a huge pop! Hey, wait…

 

“I am the one and only

You can’t take that away from me!”

 

From behind the beautiful Latina steps Marvolo 3, eliciting a decidedly less enthusiastic reception.

Bryan McVay: Making his way to the ring from Molvania, at an astonishing 97 pounds, he is…MAAARRRRVOOOOOOLOOOO!

Ruffling his cape in response, #1 marches towards the ring with his index fingers held high.

Raquel climbs the ring stairs, then holds the ropes open for Marvolo. He steps inside and waits expectantly as she removes his cape for him.

Joe Hoffman: Marvolo makes his big debut here in High Octane Wrestling, against–Benny, what are you doing?

We see Benny rising from his seat, even stand up on it as he gets a better look at the new HOW signee before shaking his head as he drops back to his chair.

Benny Newell: I can’t believe it, Joe. You’re telling me this is a new star in the making, but I am telling you right now…if this turns out to be Darin Zion’s secret love child I’m getting the hell out of here. Ain’t no way I’m stickin’ around to see child abuse here tonight.

Bryan McVay: And his opponent…

“I’m The Greatest” by Ringo Starr plays throughout the sound system inside the PPG Paints Arena, as GREAT SCOTT and his GREAT BEAR make their way out to the stage. SCOTT looks at Marvolo, confused by the size of his opponent, and can be heard yelling “DID YOU SHRINK IN THE WASH” as SCOTT and his bear head down the ramp.

Bryan McVay: From the Greater Metro Area of Great Falls, Montana, weighing in at 276 pounds, he is…GRRRRREEEEEAT SCOTT!

With GREAT BEAR still listening to his sweet beats, he lumbers over to ringside as SCOTT enters the ring, making gestures to poke fun at the stature of his marvelous opponent as Hortega calls for the bell to start the match!

DING DING

Marvolo rushes at SCOTT to start the match off, but is shoved off easily by the GREAT One, sending Marvolo flying into the ropes! SCOTT just laughs at this as he grabs Marvolo, lifting him up by the mask…which only infuriates the masked wonder, as he stomps SCOTT right on the instep! SCOTT yelps in pain as he grabs his foot, before giving Marvolo that infamous glare shouting “I’M GONNA DESTROY YOU NOW, LITTLE MAN” as he lunges at Marvolo…who counters with a drop toe-hold, sending SCOTT into the ropes!

Joe Hoffman: Hold up, what’s this?

Benny Newell: I dunno but I don’t like the look of it!

Marvolo sees his opportunity and runs the ropes before leaping through the ropes…only to grab them last second, spinning his body around with a big double foot kick to the face of GREAT SCOTT, connecting with a tiger feint kick that can make any luchador smile!

Joe Hoffman: Holy moly! I…I’ve just received word that Marvolo calls that From Molvania With Love!

Benny Newell: I can’t believe that kid just hit GREAT SCOTT in the face! This is an outrage!

GREAT SCOTT is sent back into the ring thanks to this, but is slowly getting back to his feet…looking even angrier now, after what just happened. He leaps at Marvolo…who rolls the big man up in the smallest of small packages! Hortega makes the count, unaware that Marvolo has an ironclad grip on the singlet!

UNO!

DOS!

TRES!

DING DING DING

Bryan McVay: Here is your winner, via pinfall…MARRRRRVOOOOOOLOOOOOOOO!

Marvolo almost can’t seem to believe it as the ref raises his arm in victory…but the masked marvel quickly leaps out of the ring to the safety of the outside as GREAT SCOTT is seen enraged over what just transpired!

Joe Hoffman: Marvolo does it, Benny! Despite the odds being stacked against him, he manages to pick up a win over GREAT SCOTT tonight, in his first match here in High Octane Wrestling! It’s a–

Benny Newell: It’s a damn travesty, is what it is Joe! SCOTT has already had to deal with losing to the Evil Empire that is Joe Bergman and his MVW buddies, and now he’s lost to quite possibly a literal BABY that Lee found in Diagon Alley! I’m mad as hell, Joe…and now I hope Solex beats the living hell out of Azula for fifteen, maybe even twenty minutes, just to make up for this mess.

Joe Hoffman: Well Benny, you may get your wish later tonight, but right now I understand there’s something going on that needs our attention!

Censor This

The fans sit quietly as the ring is cleared of both competitors along with referee Joel Hortega. Suddenly, the HOV lights up to show the outside of the PPG Paints Arena here in Pittsburgh with the words ‘Earlier Tonight’ written in the bottom left corner of the screen.

Joe Hoffman: Not sure what this is all about.

Benny Newell: If it involves Darin Zion at all then I am leaving.

Joe Hoffman: He’s the HOW wrestler of the Month!

Benny Newell: Clearly, it was a shitty month.

The footage on the HOV shows a rather tall individual arriving early at the PPG Paints Arena tonight. He has on a #87 Sidney Cosby Pittsburgh Penguins jersey which gets a pop out of the crowd inside the building. The individual is cut looking to be somewhere between 235 – 245 lbs. Some of the fans outside of the arena take notice of the man and begin to gather around him.

Fan #1: Holy shit, you’re [CENSORED]!

The individual turns around and shows his face for the first time to reveal he is indeed [CENSORED] which gets an even louder pop from the crowd here in Pittsburgh.

Fan #2: I can’t believe you’re here tonight for Chaos, this is so awesome!

Fan #3: Can we get your autograph?

The tall individual nods his head and smiles as he begins to sign autographs for the fans surrounding him.

Benny Newell: Who the hell is this guy? And why is he getting airtime on HOW television?!

Joe Hoffman: That’s the local Pittsburgh independent wrestler [CENSORED]! He’s got an impressive physique and maybe he’s here tonight to talk to Lee Best about getting himself a HOW contract!

Benny Newell: I have no idea what you just said. It’s like you got an incorrect answer on Jeopardy when you tried to say this guy’s name.

The footage shows [CENSORED] posing with various fans and taking pictures with them. This continues for a few moments before the footage goes to a static-filled screen.

Benny Newell: Is that it? Can we get on with the rest of the show now?

The static fades away to another shot of the outside of the PPG Paints Arena here in Pittsburgh. It’s much darker than was in the earlier footage and this time the word ‘Live’ is placed in the bottom left-hand corner of the screen.

Joe Hoffman: This is live? Right this moment outside of the arena?

Benny Newell: Great, we get to stare more at the crappy fucking city of Pittsburgh.

The live shot outside of the building shows [CENSORED] standing outside with a phone pressed up to his ear. He seems to be in the middle of a conversation but the audio can’t pick up what is being said. [CENSORED] becomes very animated in the conversation he’s having until he’s blindsided from behind and hits the concrete hard. The phone goes flying as the camera view gets down to ground level. Three sets of boots step into the camera view and surround [CENSORED] as he tries to pull himself back up.

Joe Hoffman: I don’t like the look of this.

Benny Newell: Shhhhh, something interesting is finally happening.

A lone gloved hand reaches down towards [CENSORED] who looks up at the three individuals. He reaches up and grabs a hold of the gloved hand. Slowly, he is pulled back up to his feet but before he can get his footing the three-on-one assault begins. Gloved hands and boots rain down furiously onto the Indy wrestler. The crowd lets out a chorus of boos as the live shot goes to a black screen but the sound of the beating can still be heard from inside the building.

Joe Hoffman: We need to get someone out there to help him! Where is the EPU when you need them?!

Benny Newell: EPU’s job isn’t to protect some idiot from getting mugged in Pittsburgh of all places. That’s what he gets for coming here tonight wearing a Penguins jersey.

The sounds of the assault continue until the black screen fades away. The camera view shows [CENSORED] beaten to an absolute bloody mess. He is seated on the concrete with his head slumped over. His Penguins jersey is ripped and torn and the blood from his head begins to pool on the ground in front of him. His arms are wrapped around a lamppost and handcuffed together.

Joe Hoffman: This is just like what happened last week before the Lethal Lottery went on the air in Cleveland!

Benny Newell: First a Fisher Price wrestler from Cleveland gets his skull cracked open and now a Fisher Price wrestler from Pittsburgh? Let’s just hit all the trash cities around the country and enjoy the massacre!

One set of boots begins to approach [CENSORED] as he sits unconscious and handcuffed to the lamppost. The boots stop in front of the pool of blood on the ground before a playing card is dropped down onto the pool of blood. The camera zooms in closely to show that it’s a King of Spades card. The sound of the ‘Happy Birthday’ song can be heard being hummed by one of the assailants as the boots join back with the other two sets of boots. All three start to hum the ‘Happy Birthday’ song before walking off as the HOV goes to pitch black.

Joe Hoffman: That’s two weeks in a row now that some local talent has been attacked outside of a HOW event. The only hint we have to go on is the King of Spades that is left on the scene. I sure hope EMT’s are on their way out there to rush [CENSORED] to a local hospital.

Benny Newell: You seriously haven’t figured it out yet? It’s basically right there in front of you. I know exactly what is happening, Joe.

Joe Hoffman: I don’t like to speculate without proof, Benny. But let’s cut to a commercial break or head backstage to Brian Hollywood, Xander Azula, Joe Bergman, or somebody! I apologize for the graphic nature of what you just saw folks. Stay tuned for more live action.

Benny Newell: Ha! Jeopardy sound guy got fucked up!

Joe shakes his and pulls off his headset for a moment as we cut away from the ringside area as we cut to an unscheduled commercial break.

STARRGAZING

We come back from a short commercial break and the sounds of AC/DC’s “Back in Black” are already playing thru the PA system. The fans in attendance have a mixed reaction towards the Sultan of SeaJattle who stands in the middle of the ring, microphone in hand, and sporting his 97Red and Black checkered suit. The music fades and the Mayor of ManJattan begins….

Jatt Starr: WELCOME TO A VERY SPECIAL EDITION OF “STARRGAZING WITH JATT STARR”!!!! Before I introduce my guest, the Grand Overlord of Jatturn would like it known….the streak continues!!! The Ruler of Jattlantis remains as the ONLY person to successfully capture a championship at a Lethal Lottery. Remember that Aceldama?

The Jattlantic City Idol chuckles to himself before his face turns serious. Very serious. So serious, you could call him “Starrdiac Arrest”.

Jatt Starr: But that’s not all that happened. To discuss that vile, cowardly, pathetically desperate attack against the person of the Baron of Boca Jatton, let’s just go ahead and bring the man who attempted to cripple and end the career of the Champion of Jattanooga……

The crowd begins to swell, knowing that the animosity between Jatt Starr and Joe Bergman has been intensifying over the past few weeks, they sense blood will be spilled tonight!

Jatt Starr: …..at “War Games” 2021 and my tag team partner, DAN RYAN!!!!!!

An abridged version of “Daddy’s Home” by JT Music blares over the arena speakers and Dan Ryan steps out onto the stage, smirking and looking toward the ring, dressed in casual business attire, slacks and a button down shirt, sunglasses over his eyes.

He ignores the response from the fans and walks at a medium pace toward ringside. Once he reaches the ring, he walks around the side, again ignoring fans, climbs up the ringsteps and steps through the ropes into the ring.

Jatt Starr (singing): Oh, Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling!

The Starrkham Savior smiles and gives Dan Ryan a friendly clap on the arm.

Jatt Starr: The Starrabian Knight is just joshing you, big guy. We’ve had our ups and downs, that is for sure. There really is no sense in rehashing the past, unless absolutely necessary. Besides, the enemy of the enema is my friend, etcetera. But it is a new year and a new Dan Ryan stands before me. Not the same Dan Ryan that brutalized the Marquis of MadagaStarr and then promptly scurried off like a diseased rodent. Before me stands the freaking Chimera of Men. So, tell me, Dan….let’s get the news out of the way, you and the Jattinum Standard are the official number one contenders for the HOTv Tag Team Championships! Thoughts?

Jatt holds the microphone out in Dan’s direction.

Dan Ryan: Actually…

Jatt brings it back to him own mouth without letting him speak. Dan reaches out and puts a very firm grip on the microphone, stopping Jatt Starr in his tracks, mouth open. Dan very slowly pulls the microphone back toward himself.

Dan Ryan: Actually… I do have some thoughts. First of all, I agree, no need to rehash our history, particularly since I don’t actually remember our history. Pretty much everything before last year is a bit of a blur. So you can be absolutely certain that I’m telling you the truth when I say, no hard feelings, it wasn’t personal. Now, I may not have asked for this. I didn’t set out to win the HOTv Tag Team Championships. I didn’t set out to challenge for any title at all for sometime, at least until I got my feet wet again. But fate is a funny thing. Luck of the draw and all of that. And the truth is, I could do worse than a fuckin’ Hall of Famer.

The crowd cheers this, and Jatt Starr smiles.

Dan Ryan: In addition, we have something in common now. We’re both fighting for the same side, and I’m a team player. So I say, HOTv Tag Team Champions? Why the hell not? The only downside to all of this that we might have to go to Missouri to fight a team from Alabama, and I would rather rather cut myself with a thousand paper cuts, and then swim across the swamps of New Orleans after a hurricane blows through than stoop to going to bumfuck Missouri for The Alabama Gang, or the Tennessee Trio or the Arkansas Arachnids or whatever the fuck those people get off to. So my thoughts are this… get Sunny O’Callahan and those hillbillies up to the Best Arena, and let’s get those belts back in the hands of some people who can do them justice. Now then…

Ryan lets go of the microphone and lets Jatt take control once again, but still leans forward for one last comment.

Dan Ryan: Your thoughts?

Jatt Starr: Danaconda, be warned….if you say Sunny O’Callahan’s name sixty-nine times, a virgin gets herpes. But this is a nice segue into our mutual foe. A man who personifies vileness, maliciousness, criminality, litterbuggery, and douchtasticity….Joe Bergman. A man who not only ambushed the Thane of Starrkarth, an act proving the accuracy of my claims of his inhuman character, but by attacking you, he has shown that he is not a fan of the Danchovy. Such insolent behavior should be, must be, and will be punished!

Dan Ryan: Right… Ok look, so point taken on Sunny O’Callahan. I definitely don’t want Scott Stevens to get herpes, no matter how annoying he is, so I’ll shut up about the walking red solo cup. But Joe Bergman, her… I dunno… boyfriend? Friend? AA sponsor? I don’t really know their relationship. But this is the most personality Joe Bergman has shown pretty much ever. For while there I wasn’t sure if he was a professional wrestler or a bale of hay. I saw someone practicing shooting arrows into him once. He didn’t even flinch. Now, I don’t know if he’s got inhuman character, but I do not like him. I do not like him even a little bit. I do not like him like the way the Pittsburgh Pirates do not like making the playoffs. I do not like him the way that Ben Roethlisberger does not like consent laws.

This gets a loud round of boos from the Pittsburgh crowd.

Dan Ryan: Oh shut up. You people did it! Not me! You put up with those loser ass teams and loser ass players, not me! So by all means, take your boos, go down to PNC Park, look at the pretty view, and enjoy yet another Pirates loss in a very beautiful stadium, then walk out the back, jump in the river, and fuck right off. And you Joe Bergman, you suddenly think you’re a big shot, right? I know I dropped you and she who shall not be named on your heads and it made you big big mad, but no need to lose your very polite manners, you walking vanilla cone. If you wanna go to war with me, I’m happy to do it, and I’ll bring Jatt along with me. Bad time for your little group to be dead, isn’t it? Bet you’d like to have the services of a sad cowboy right about now. But unfortunately it’s you and… nobody. It’s just you. And if you think I dropped you, so you dropped me, and we’re even… if you think I’m the kinda guy who lets things be even, you’re fuckin’ with the wrong dude, pal. You’re fuckin’ with the wrong side. I wouldn’t give the matted fur on a stray dog’s ass for your future.

Jatt Starr: Yeah! And the Rembrandt of Wrestling wouldn’t give a….diseased, maggot filled….lollipop’s….ass for your future, Joe Boogerman!

Dan Ryan: Who would put maggots in a lollipop?!?

Jatt Starr: Joe Bergman would! In fact, he is a known tamperer of food stuffs! It is a known fact that he puts razor blades in candied apples and possum snot inside of Twinkies, so it’s not that much of a stretch!

Dan Ryan: Well that’s just outrageous. I mean, who still eats Twinkies?

Jatt Starr: Joe Bergman does! I’m telling you, he’s not to be trusted! He saw Bobby Dean eat a Twinkie once and Joe Bergman ate him which is why Bobby Dean has not been seen around lately. And trust me, he is someone you can’t miss!

Dan smirks, then puts a hand on Jatt Starr’s shoulder.

Dan Ryan: Don’t worry. He can eat all the possum snot Twinkies he wants, and he can serve maggot lollipops at his next family reunion for all I care. All I know is, Joe Bergman and the Alabama Gang will more than regret tangling with a Hall of Famer… and me. He will not be trusted. BUT… you can trust that I will mash his face into oatmeal, and not the good kind with brown sugar and fruit. I’m talking the unflavored kind that tastes like dirty gravel. He’s headed for something out of The Sopranos, and by that I mean he’s a Big Pussy.

Jatt Starr: The Duke of Jattmandu guesses that, in summation, what we are trying to say here, Joey Boogers, is that we are a unified front and that you’re basically fucked.

Dan Ryan: All I know is he never had the makings of a varsity athlete.

Jatt Starr: You know, Quasimodo predicted that.

Dan Ryan glances over at the Hero of Jattlanta, considers correcting him and thinks better of it.

Jatt Starr: Anything else?

Dan Ryan: Nope.

Jatt Starr: Dan Ryan!!!!!

The Great Lord MancheStarr raises Dan Ryan’s hand at their verbal ownage of Joe Bergman, as big a victory as any as “Back in Black” plays across the arena and the scene ends.

I Respect You

The HOV comes to life and a video begins to play a pre-taped segment.

Christopher America sits under a bright light on a wooden chair. He’s leaning back, legs spread apart, with the HOW World Championship clung to his chest tightly. As the camera pans in, slowly, America speaks.

Christopher America: I like and respect Conor Fuse.

Many may be surprised to hear that as I don’t like and respect a lot of the wrestlers that this company employs. But Conor, he’s one of the few who actually gets it. He’s one of the few that understands how this business works and understands what it takes to get to the top of the mountain. In fact, I think Conor Fuse stands shoulder to shoulder with men like me… men like Mike Best… men like Max Kael… men like Mario Maurako…

We all learned fairly early on that if you want to be successful here in HOW, you need to buck the trend. You need to challenge the norms. You need to do things that people don’t expect from you. Call it lying or manipulation, but we’ve all done it.

In one way or another, we’ve all done it.

The fans of HOW think I do it by preaching pro-America stances and doing some of the most underhanded and abominable things imaginable. But then again, those are the same fans that think Conor Fuse is this hero… this savior… that will right the wrongs I have sown for the last year. They think that Conor Fuse is actually a gamer.

But I’m here to warn you against false heroes… especially those who wear false… faces.

And like I said, I like and respect Conor Fuse.

But he’s not your guy. He’s not the man you think he is. Over the course of the next few weeks, I’m going to prove to each and every single one of you that Conor Fuse is a fraud.

In the lead up to ICONIC, I talked about monsters. I talked about how I was a monster. I talked about how easy it was for this monster to recognize other monsters. And I can guarantee you, Conor Fuse is a monster.

He’s the kind that wraps themselves in good deeds, secretly working behind the scenes, doing underhanded things, nurturing a climate that allows him to thrive and flourish. Conor Fuse is someone that thinks that by hanging out with Bobbinette Carey and going to counseling, it makes him sympathetic. And I…

America catches himself.

Christopher America: And I… will expose him. It will be my gift for you the fans.

So watch the shows.

Watch the promos.

Watch the digital exclusives on the HOW website.

Watch as I peel back the layers on your “hero.”

And don’t worry, Conor, I’m not going to go on and on about your fake friendship with Carey, at least not yet anyway. I’m going to save that little delicious little nugget for a little bit later. See, unlike the others… instead of just saying it and hoping what I say manifests itself, I’m going to actually prove my case. I’m going to show everyone the evidence.

And, to peel back the layers, it’s going to start tonight.

Where I show everyone how easily distracted you can be.

But don’t worry, Conor.

I’m not doing this out of spite. Or hatred.

Like I said, I like and respect you. I just want you to embrace the real you.

In fact, I like you and respect you enough to let you know that at March To Glory, you’re not going to be leaving as HOW World Champion. You’re not going to beat me. Because you, Conor, aren’t willing to do what I’m willing to do. I’d rather get disqualified, counted out, or have the match end in a no contest, if it meant that for ONE MORE DAY… I got to hold her in my arms.

You thought you killed a guy and it rocked your world?

Heh.

There are things soooo much worse than death.

By the end of our match at March To Glory, I’ll have you begging for death.

Because I’m going to draw out of you what I’ve drawn out of so many others.

I’m going to draw out the real Conor Fuse and put him on display for the world to see.

No more running.

No more hiding.

Just me… the fans… and the real Conor Fuse.

Just because I like and respect you.

The camera fades to black as the video ends and we cut back to ringside.

#2 Conor Fuse vs. #18 Brian Hollywood

Back at ringside and “Stronger On Your Own” by Disturbed hits the arena’s sound system. The crowd boos as Brian Hollywood slowly walks from the back and takes center stage. He stands there for a brief moment, closing his eyes. He gets his final mental preparation in, taking in the chorus of boos. as the camera zooms close to Hollywood’s face. As he opens his eyes, the pyro hits as he makes his way down the ramp.

Bryan McVay: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring, from Los Angeles, California… BRIAN HOLLLLLLLLYWOOOOOOOOD!

Joe Hoffman: It was merely one week ago that Brian Hollywood took HOW World Champion, Christopher America, to the limit in an amazing effort, showing why he is a former two time World Champion and not to be taken lightly.

Benny Newell: Are you saying America took Hollywood lightly? America was playing possum! To give these ingrates something to be excited about. Only to snatch it away and assert his dominance. Listening to those morons in Ohio have their collective hearts broken was so sweet.

The crowd boos louder as Hollywood gets into the ring.

The camera pans to the entrance as “Bloody Tears” from Castlevania II hits. The crowd roar their approval as a purple mist floods the entrance way. As the anticipation builds, Conor Fuse emerges from behind the curtain. He stands at the top of the entrance way and locks eyes with Hollywood in the ring.

The crowd starts a !RANK chant, pointing in Conor’s direction as he marches towards ringside. With ease, Conor leaps onto the apron and summersaults into the ring.

Bryan McVay: And his opponent, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, he is… THE VINTAGE… CONOR FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE!

Joe Hoffman: There he is! The number one contender to America’s HOW World Championship! This man fought through the tournament, including a win over Clay Byrd in the finals to punch his ticket to March To Glory.

Benny Newell: I wish Fuse was doing his Twitch stream instead of this.

Joe Hoffman: Why?

Benny Newell: So I could shut it off and not watch him!

The crowds roar louder as Fuse gets settled into the ring.

Matt Boettcher calls for the bell as the two begin circling when…

“The Greatest American” by Cracked Prism Studios hits as Christopher America makes his way out. Fuse and Hollywood stop and look towards the ramp.

Joe Hoffman: What is he doing here?

Benny Newell: Go over and ask him, Joe. I’d like to see him rack you.

As America slowly makes his way out, Hollywood immediately attacks Fuse from behind, blasting a forearm to the back of his head.

Fuse stumbles towards the ropes. Hollywood backs up and motions for Fuse to turnaround. Fuse staggers and then turns.

Joe Hoffman: EXECUTIVE DECREE!

Benny Newell: YES! YES! GET HIM!

Conor Fuse goes flying over the top rope and lands right in front of America. America pauses and looks down at Fuse. A half smile crawls across his face as a light chuckle escapes his lips. The crowd boo as Hollywood slides out of the ring, looks momentarily at America who holds his hand up, indicating he is doing nothing. Hollywood quickly grabs Fuse and throws him back into the ring.

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KICKOUT!

 

Joe Hoffman: I thought it was over right there! The surprise by Hollywood, the distraction by America. But I guess that momentary hesitation was enough for Fuse to kick out.

Hollywood doesn’t bother arguing. He quickly gets up, runs towards the ropes and drops a quick leg over the neck of “The Vintage.” Keeping one leg over Fuse’s neck, Hollywood begins punching away at Fuse’s face. Hollywood covers again.

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KICKOUT!

Hollywood immediately grabs a chunk of Fuse’s hair and begins pulling him up. Hollywood briefly looks at America who continues roaming the outside of the ring. But that small moment was what Fuse needed as he drives an elbow into Hollywood’s gut. He drives two more before Hollywood’s grip on Fuse’s hair is released. With Hollywood, holding his gut, Fuse backs towards the ropes. Hollywood recovers and charges but Fuse pulls down the top rope sending Hollywood to the outside.

America now casually goes over to the timekeeper area and grabs a chair while Fuse takes a breather in the ring.

Joe Hoffman: America with a chair now! Fuse on the inside. Hollywood on the outside.

Benny Newell: Please hit him! Smack Fuse with the chair!

Instead, America takes the chair, opens it up, and sits down on the outside. Fuse takes a look at America, motions for America to watch this. He runs towards the ropes, then bounces off, and dives through the other side.

Joe Hoffman: Tope Suicida!

Benny and America both turn their noses in disgust at having heard such an Un-American language spoken.

Fuse dives right onto Hollywood, who is bowled over with the sheer force and speed of the move. The crowd roar their approval as Fuse grabs Hollywood and throws him back into the ring. Once inside, Fuse runs the ropes and hits a Rolling Thunder, immediately hooking the legs upon impact.

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2

 

3

NO!

Joe Hoffman: Oh! That was close! A stroke of brilliance on Fuse’s part there!

Benny Newell: Wish he’d have an actual stroke.

Fuse rolls off of Hollywood and struggles getting to his feet.

Joe Hoffman: Fuse’s body showing the toll of his wrestling style. Taking the kick to the head early in the match, the legdrop across the neck, the suicide dive and now the rolling thunder. Fuse’s body has taken all sorts of punishment.

Benny Newell: That’s not punishment. I remember this one time… this girl named Madame Ashley… there’s someone who knew how to punish you.

Benny leans back and puts his hand down the front of his pants Al Bundy style as he reminisces.

Fuse goes over to Hollywood and pulls him up. He hooks Hollywood’s head and hoists him into the air for a vertical suplex but Hollywood rotates himself and falls behind Fuse. Hollywood grabs Fuse’s neck and sits down, driving him neck first into the mat. Hollywood grabs Fuse’s left leg.

1

 

2

 

KICKOUT!

America simply laughs at Fuse on the outside while petting the HOW World Championship.

With Fuse down, Hollywood climbs the top rope, measures his distance and executes a glorious flying head butt. Hollywood slams down hard as Fuse holds his head and writhes in pain. Hollywood holds his head as he scrambles trying to get Fuse into the pin.

1

 

2

 

3!

NO!

Joe Hoffman: Fuse kicked out at the last possible second! Whatever Brian Hollywood has been doing lately has been working. He has come moments away from winning this match multiple times and moments away from winning the World Championship last week!

Benny Newell: Looks to me like “The Vintage” is spoiled rotten.

Hollywood goes for another pin.

1

 

2

 

3!

NO!

Joe Hoffman: Hollywood knew it wasn’t going to work but he made sure Fuse spent more energy as he had to kickout.

Hollywood gets up and immediately begins stomping a boot onto the face of Fuse. The crowd begin to boo louder with each stomp. Hollywood seems to be feeding off of it as his boots look more and more vicious. Finally, Hollywood backs off and grabs Fuse. He pulls him up and nails a short arm clothesline. Hollywood holds on to Fuse’s arm and yanks him up again, hitting another short arm clothesline. Hollywood pulls Fuse up and hits a third.

Hollywood falls into the cover again.

1

 

2

 

3!

NO!

Hollywood remains composed and doesn’t bother arguing with Boettcher. America, on the outside, merely mocking claps his hands as Hollywood shoots him a dirty look.

Hollywood looks at Fuse and then out into the crowd. He motions that this is over.

He backs himself into the corner and yells at Fuse to get up. Fuse slowly staggers upwards…

Joe Hoffman: EXECUTIVE DECREE!

But Fuse falls to the mat and Hollywood launches himself over Fuse, landing hard on his back. Fuse looks at Hollywood, still holding his head, and tries moving in to cover but Hollywood instinctually rolls away.

Fuse hangs his head as he tries moving towards the ropes. Hollywood rolls to the apron. Both men begin using the ropes to help pull themselves up. Both men look at each other as Hollywood scowls, determination spreading across his face. Fuse does the same as Hollywood gets back into the ring. Hollywood marches right up to Fuse and gets in his face. Both men shouting at each other, pushing with their foreheads.

Suddenly, both men explode with a series of right hands as the crowd eats it up. Hollywood though hits a knee to the gut, runs back to the ropes and goes for a clothesline from hell when Fuse clocks him with a hard right hand. Hollywood goes down and Fuse now runs the ropes, hitting a lionsault.

He covers.

1

 

2

 

KICKOUT!

Joe Hoffman: The endurance of Hollywood in this match is astounding. These last few weeks have been like a renaissance.

Benny Newell: Hollywood and Fuse both can renaissance deez nuts. If this was America, Hollywood would’ve been done by now.

Joe Hoffman: America did have his chance and it went about as well then as it’s going for Fuse now.

Fuse shifts himself off of Hollywood and locks in a Fujiwara armbar.

Hollywood writhes in pain and shakes his head no when Boettcher asks if he wants to give up. Fuse pushes himself now up on Hollywood’s back and grabs the other arm.

Joe Hoffman: ELDEN RINGS OF SATURN!

Benny Newell: The what rings of Saturn? What the fuck does that even mean?

Hollywood holds on and refuses to give up. Hollywood frantically looks for a means of escape and leverage. Finally, Hollywood shifts his own weight and rolls Fuse into a pin.

1

 

2

 

NO!

Fuse rotates right back, then, while still holding the submission, begins to stand. He shifts his arms and moves to a full nelson before hoisting up and driving Hollywood into the mat with a dragon suplex. Hollywood lands with a sickening thud and looks out of it.

Fuse moves in to cover.

1

 

2

 

3!

 

 

 

NO!

At the last second, Hollywood gets the shoulder up.

Once again, America applauds mockingly before looking at his watch.

Fuse and Hollywood look pretty much spent.

Joe Hoffman: This is what happens when you put former World Champions in the ring together. These two men are gutting out this match and refusing to give each other the win. They are making their opponent earn this.

Benny Newell: They’re gutting out this match? I’M gutting out this match. Wish Mike was wrestling then this wouldn’t be a fucking chore.

The crowd begins clapping and a small !RANK chant breaks out, builds, and then spreads to the rest of the crowd.

Crowd: !RANK !RANK !RANK !RANK

Both men get to their feet and Fuse moves first, going for a roundhouse kick. Hollywood ducks, runs to the ropes and…

Joe Hoffman: EXECUTIVE DECREE!

But before Hollywood can get into the air, Fuse ducks another attempt. Hollywood lands hard on his back as Fuse quickly goes to the turnbuckle and climbs to the top.

No taunting.

No wasted movement.

Joe Hoffman: SUPER SPLASH!

Fuse connects and grabs the leg.

 

1

 

2

 

3!

DING DING DING!

Bryan McVay: HERE IS YOUR WINNER….. THE VINTAGE…. CONOR…. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE!

America checks his watch and smirks. He gets up and goes to talk to Benny.

Joe Hoffman: WHAT A MATCH UP! What a win for Conor Fuse and another gutsy performance from Brian Hollywood! Don’t call it a comeback folks. Hollywood has found the right groove and I gotta believe that his time is soon.

Wait….

What are you guys talking about?

Benny Newell: America was timing this match and noticed that Conor Fuse beat Brian Hollywood in a SLOWER time than America beat him. SLOWER! HAH!

Joe Hoffman: Well, I’ll have to check with the timekeeper on that.

Benny Newell: You calling America a liar?

Joe Hoffman: No. It just seems too convenient that it was exactly one second more.

America begins to walk around the ring and up the ramp as “Bloody Tears” plays and Boettcher raises Fuse’s hand in victory. Fuse looks at America and motions the title around his waist as America shakes his head no and raises the title.

Joe Hoffman: Again, tremendous effort by both men. If this is what America and Fuse are capable of, the main event of March To Glory is going to be something special!

We get a final shot of the victorious Fuse as the Pittsburgh crowd applauds the efforts of both men before we cut to our next commercial break.

Inception

Back from commercial break and we open up backstage where we see the #1 Ranked Wrestler in the World, Steve Solex, making his way thru the hallways of the arena.

Suddenly the Last Man in Wrestling stops in his tracks as he sees a child(?) in front of him.

Steve Solex: Sorry kid….no time for autographs with me or my beard….I got a promo to cut.

The child does not move however.

Solex quickly realizes that this is not a child but in fact the 4′ 97lb MAN that defeated GREAT SCOTT earlier in the show….Marvolo.

Solex is lost for words and the two men just stare each other down as the ring gear that Marvolo is wearing is triggering something in the subconscious of Solex.

The MercDad begins shaking his head side to side before the two men literally just begin pointing at each other.

The men remain pointing at each other as if they are frozen in time as we cut elsewhere…

Literal Hell

We open up elsewhere….

Dan Ryan stands in front of a door backstage. Looking up, he sees the name “Scott Stevens” on a temporary nameplate, and sighs. Closing his eyes for a moment, he readies himself, then knocks on the door.

After a few moments, the door opens and Scott Stevens is standing there. He tenses up immediately, scanning the area behind Ryan in anticipation of some sort of attack.

Instead, Ryan holds a hand up.

Dan Ryan:  Calm down. I didn’t come here to beat you up again. I came here to talk.

Scott Stevens:  That’s a first. Don’t you usually just charge right in like some idiot animal?

Dan Ryan:  Yes. Except for the idiot part. I usually let you take that role.

Stevens rolls his eyes.

Scott Stevens:  Cute. So when do we get to the part where you tell me why you think we should talk?

Dan sighs again.

Dan Ryan:  Well, typically I would never try to start a conversation with you. I didn’t bring my headache pills with me…

Scott Stevens:  But I bet you brought the *OTHER* pills, am I right?

Dan Ryan:  I didn’t bring any pills at all. I also didn’t bring that much patience, so I’d just as soon get right down to business.

Stevens smirks.

Scott Stevens:  You want to come into the dressing room, or are we gonna do this here?

Dan Ryan:  Uhhh, no thanks. I have a sensitive nose. We can do this here. Here’s the problem. You beat up Joe Bergman after the show last week.

Stevens does a mock bow.

Scott Stevens:  You’re welcome.

Ryan gives the most insincere smile possible.

Dan Ryan:  I didn’t ask you to do that.

Scott Stevens:  And I didn’t wait for you to ask. I don’t actually answer to you, ya know.

Dan Ryan:  Yes yes, I know. You answer to the boss, the same boss who keeps sending people to beat you up. Ok, it’s whatever. If sadomasochism is your thing, who am I to make fun? You like pain. That’s cool. But here’s my problem with all of this. I absolutely cannot tolerate owing you a favor.

Stevens actually laughs.

Scott Stevens:  OHHHH, so that’s it, huh? Big boy doesn’t like other people fighting his battles for him, right? Well, look here, I may not like you, and I may not have any interest in your well-being whatsoever, but HE does. Why? I have no idea. But I do what I’m asked to do. Maybe if you’d done that more often, you wouldn’t be where you are today.

Dan Ryan:  Standing here talking to you? Yes, you’re probably right. This is about as low as it gets. But still, here’s the thing. Since you’re so good at doing what you’re told, do me a favor and go get yourself in trouble as soon as you possibly can so I can come out and help you get out of it. I don’t care if it’s just you tripping over your feet the way you trip over your mouth. Whatever it is, make it happen, I’ll come and make it go away, and we can go back to the way things should be, with me beating you up regularly, and you simping for someone who barely knows you’re alive.

Stevens sighs.

Scott Stevens: You still don’t get it do you? You can say HE barely knows I’m alive then why did HE have me handle Bergman?

Stevens lets the question simmer before pointing at Dan.

Scott Stevens: Because you and Jatt let him get the drop on you like the dumb fucks that you are. HE calls me in when HE needs things done and if you want to get on HIS good side then do your fucking job and quit worrying about what I’m doing. Because if I have to clean up your mess again I’m sure the favoritism HE has with you now will sour and I’ll be the last thing you see. Comprende?

Dan stares at Stevens, blinking, but saying nothing. Finally, Stevens closes the doorDan stands there another moment or two, then mutters under his breath.

Dan Ryan:  Maybe I died last year and this is actually hell.

He considers the thought for a second, then scrunches his eyes in annoyance. After another moment or two, he turns and walks away as we cut elsewhere.

Merely Stepping Stones

The camera once again cuts backstage and captures the enigmatic figure of Steve Solex, standing solo with a microphone in his hand. The viewers cannot help but marvel at his luscious beard, which could easily put the most revered facial hair in the world to shame. The perfect blend of salt and pepper adds to its beauty, making it a sight to behold; worthy of a monument of its own. Surprisingly, Solex seems to be in an uncharacteristically joyful mood, a half smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. It is clear that Solex has mentally moved on from his interaction with Marvolo only a few minutes ago.

Solex: Look who decided to stay home and lick his wounds this week! The HOW Twitter account was set on fire with the news that the LSD Champion might show up and might inflict some sort of violence or exact some kind of revenge today! It sounds like the only violence going on in the world of Jace Parker Davidson this week is his ass murdering the couch underneath him. I knew what was going to happen because I know that Jace Parker Davidson is the ultimate coward. He’s a coward of ICONic proportions. Sure, he took a little bit of a beating last week, but that’s how this game works! And tucking your tail between your legs isn’t what champions do! Champions don’t get their asses whooped one week and stay at home the next. They get their fuckin’ ass in the ring and get shit done! It’s not surprising though, that’s what people like him have been doing these last few years anyway. Hide out and watch the world work around them while guys like me put our feet to the pavement and get the necessary work done.

Solex: I’ve got to tell ya’, I’m not too convinced that this son of a bitch is gonna show up next week either. And then what? He’s just not gonna show up at March to Glory? Shit, I’ve heard of this kind of scared before…but it’s not something you’d expect from a champion or from someone who calls himself the “King of Everything.”

Solex pauses, taking a beat to admire his masterpiece of a beard, and runs his fingers through the coarse and luxurious strands with a sense of ultimate pride.

Solex: That being said, Jace’s time as the LSD champion is one hundred percent coming to an end but let’s worry about the task at hand, and that’s me defending my status as the number one wrestler in all of HOW. Don’t get all hot and bothered though. The one on the docket to try and dethrone the #1 MERCDAD is that soft like pod water, chewed up like yesterdays cereal, Xander Azula. A man who’s merely a stepping stone on my way to March to Glory. Unfortunately, being great comes with responsibility and my responsibility this week is to put Xander Azula right through the motherfucking canvas and to pin his sorry ass one, two, three in the center of the ring.

Solex pulls the mic away, his eyes sparkle mischievously as he gives a knowing wink to the camera.

Solex: And unfortunately for you, Xander Azula…your time has run out.

With a nonchalant flick of his wrist, Solex drops the microphone to the backstage floor and turns his attention to his crowning glory – his epic beard as we hit our next commercial break.

#1 Steve Solex vs. #13 Xander Azula

Back live from our commercial break and the beginning of “This Means War” by Avenged Sevenfold thumps from the sound system as the crowd explodes into a fury of boos and hisses. A montage of Steve Solex plays on the HOV, flashing on and off in rhythm with the music. As the music stalls, the HOV goes black as the lights throughout the arena go dark. A bomb like explosion blasts at the top of the entry way sending a plume of smoke up and in front of the HOV in the shape of a mushroom cloud, and at that moment the music returns and Steve Solex makes his way out from behind the curtain.

DING! DING! DING! DING!

Bryan McVay: This next singles match is scheduled for 1 fall…..introducing first from Huntington Beach, California….STEEEEEEEEEEEEVE SOLEEEEEEX!!!!

The montage continues to play on the HOV as Solex stops atop the entrance ramp and pounds his chest twice with a white knuckled fist before throwing his hands high up into the air. He soaks in the boos from the crowd before marching down to the ring.

Joe Hoffman: Steve Solex has been on quite the roll lately. Not only is he the number 1 ranked wrestler in all of HOW; he won the LSD Title Tournament and punched his ticket to March 2 Glory against Jace Parker Davidson.

No glitz, no high fives, just a fast paced march and the look of a cold blooded killer. He slides under the bottom rope and stares down the referee before finding his corner and resting back into it.

Bryan McVay: And introducing his opponent, from LOOOOOOOONG BEAAAACH, California…..XAAAAAAAAAAANDER AZULA1

The lights fade around the HOV as Xander Azula’s entrance video plays. The whistling intro of “Engel” plays over the PA system, setting the crowd off in a chorus of boos as Xander Azula steps out onto the stage, surveying the crowd with a snarl on his face.

Joe Hoffman: Xander Azula’s looking to make some waves going into M2G-UK. He’s hungry to put Solex down tonight and make quite the statement. But will it be enough to put away the MERCDAD?

The crowd show their disdain for Xander, whose snarl fades into a smirk as he taunts those jeering him during his journey to the ring, sliding in to get ready for the match at hand before leaning against the nearest turnbuckle. Solex and Xander’s eyes lock. Hortega stands in the middle of both men. He makes a motion to ring the bell to get the match started off.

DING! DING! DING! DING!

WHAAAAAAAAM!!!

Joe Hoffman: Solex out the gates with a stiff-looking right arm to Xander Azula’s face. But XANDER BRUSHES IT RIGHT OFF?! What in the World?

The crowd comes alive as Xander Azula grabs the cheek Solex landed a punch on. The Fighter smirks at the MercDaddy, taunting him for more. Solex fires off a few more right hooks for Xander. However, Azula grabs Solex’s arm and drops him straight to the mat with an Armbar.

Joe Hoffman: A Thousand and three more of those holds and Xander could be on his way to victory out of that one.

Solex scurries towards the bottom rope, frantically flailing around. SUCCESS! The MercDad grabs it rather quickly, beginning Hortega’s count.

UNO!

DOS!

TRES!

QUATRO!

Azula releases the hold while Solex scurries out of the ring. The frustrated Azula is not going to have this happen. As Hortega tries to hold Xander back, Azula’s face grows redder. Xander watches Solex methodically collect himself outside the ring. Finally, Xander darts past Hortega, sliding under the referee’s legs and nailing Solex in the jaw with a baseball slide.

Joe Hoffman: Sick kick by The Self-Proclaimed Prize Fighter of the HOFC. Azula rocked Solex’s world.

The War Veteran is now pissed off. He adjusts his jaw while he keeps his eyes on his prey. Xander rolls outside the ring. As Xander comes sailing towards Solex with a clothesline, The MercDad chucks Xander head first into the ring post. Solex rings Xander’s bell a few times before tossing the young HOW upstart back into the ring.

Joe Hoffman: Solex has gotten the upper hand in this match and…

POW! THWACK! BAM!

Joe Hoffman: Looks like I spoke too soon! Xander Azula landed a kick, a chop, then slammed Solex down with authority using that German Suplex of his. This young lion’s hungry.

Xander taunts Solex as the MercDad pulls himself off the canvas. Steve collects himself off the turnbuckle. Both Xander and Solex collide with a stiff clothesline at the same time. The crowd erupts as both men fall towards the mat. Hortega starts the count.

UNO!

DOS!

TRES!

Xander pulls himself back up to his feet while the MercDad kips up. Instantly Solex grabs the dazed Xander from behind–nailing a sick Russian Leg Sweep. Xander’s body drops neck first into the canvas. Solex is on the prowl now. Scooping up the remains of Azula, Solex hits a beautiful gutwrech powerbomb on his opponent. A sick thud echoes through PPG Paints arena as Xander crashes towards the mat. Solex follows through with the cover.

UNO!

DOS!

Joe Hoffman: Xander barely kicks out of that sickening powerbomb much to the frustration of Solex.

Solex pounds his fists at the ground for a moment. The MercDad gets right in Hortega’s face to challenge the count. As the heated Solex’s veins start to bulge from his forehead, Hortega ducks.

CRACK!

Joe Hoffman: DESPERATION SNUB BY XANDER AZULA!

UNO!

DOS!

TRESSSSSSSSS

“NO! NO! NO!” Hortega screams at the top of his lungs. Solex’s got his shoulders up after 2.999999. The disbelief in Xander’s eye sells the shock to the PPG Paints crowd. They come unglued for the back and forth exchange of both of these men. Solex struggles back to his feet. Xander tries to dart towards Solex with another clothesline…..

SPLAT!

Joe Hoffman: Solex drops Xander with AUTHORITY with that spinebuster. I bet the rafters in Section 214 shook like crazy.

Solex’s is scoffing at Xander’s performance. Solex’s cracks his neck for a minute before picking Xander off the mat. The MercDad lunges Azula halfway across the ring with a sick-looking Belly to Belly Suplex. Steve picks the tired Xander off the canvas. Flinging him again with a Belly to Belly, Xander almost goes over the top rope. Solex grabs Azula by his neck, forcing him up to his feet. The MercDad tries hoisting Azula up for a buckle bomb but….

UNO!

DOS!

TRESSSSSSSSSSS?!

Joe Hoffman: Xander pulled out a HURICANARANA PIN FALL ATTEMPT FROM OUT OF NOWHERE?! WHERE HAS THIS BEEN?

The crowd becomes electrified as Xander looks shocked. Solex is back to his feet. The MercDad’s had enough sass from Azula. Solex attempts to rush Xander with a DDT, but Azula hits a bridging suplex. Before Hortega can make it down to his knees to count, the MercDad uses his amazing feat of strength to get control of Xander. As Solex has Azula in the air, Xander rolls behind him. The craft fighter comes charging at Solex with a neckbreaker.

CRASH!

Xander’s now fired up. Shaking his two fists, the Long Beach native readies The Fist of Eris. Xander launches towards Solex’s jaw….

But Steve Solex wraps around Xander. Steve hooks Xander’s arms and nails a sick looking Tiger Driver onto Azula. Solex regains his composure and locks in the Camel Clutch around Xander’s neck. The flailing 13th ranked wrestler’s face slowly starts to turn blue. A smirk comes across Solex’s mustached face. Xander’s eyes start rolling into the back of his head.

Joe Hoffman: HOW’s number 1 wrestler gonna kill Xander Azula right here in Pittburg tonight unless Hortega decides to do his dang job!

Suddenly, Hortega notices how tight Solex’s massive arms are wrapped around Xander’s airways. Hortega slaps Solex’s chiseled arms a couple times, trying to get the MercDaddy to release the hold. Hortega begins the count…

UNO!

DOS!

TRES!

QUATRO!

CINCO……

Joe Hoffman: Solex’s throwing up his hands before Joel finished the count. That’s a very methodical move by our #1 guy here in HOW.

The MercDad pulls Azula’s body back into the center of the ring. A flurry of knees get dropped into the back of Xander’s neck for a moment. Steve continues his onslaught by diving up in the air, landing head first into Azula’s gut. Solex continues to go on the offense, starting to bite at Xander’s head.

“NO! NO! NO! NO!” screams Hortega as he pulls the crazed Dad off Xander’s head. A small speck of blood begins to ooze around Xander’s forehead. It gives the Fighter another rush of adrenaline. As Xander wipes off the blood from his head, he kips up to Solex. Both men exchange a round of back and forth punches before Xander chucks Steve into the ropes. Xander hits a sick looking drop kick straight to Solex’s chest. Xander mounts Solex and begins to punch the hell out of his opponent. The PPG Paints Crowd counts along.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

SEVEN!

EIGHT!

NINE!

TEEEEEEEEN!

POW!

Xander adds some spice to an eleventh shot as Hortega warns the Fighter to stop. Xander acknowledges before he hoists Solex up with a sick wheelbarrow suplex. The crowd looks completely in shock as Xander wipes the crimson mask off. Azula now motions towards Solex to give him some more. Solex crawls over towards the ropes, pulling himself off the mat. The MercDad gets back up to his feet. Both men lock eyes.

Joe Hoffman: Both Xander and Solex have a lot of fight left in them. Both of them understand what’s on the line here in HOW. It’s all about pride and climbing those rankings!!!!

Solex and Azula unleash a frenzy of punches at each other’s head. Solex punches Xander back hard. The MercDad rips the Emissary of Eris’s singlet down. A sick thud echoes through the rafters of the PPG Paints arena. Xander returns the sentiment and nails Solex straight across the face with a sick chop. Solex wipes his jaw before Xander comes back around with The Snub once more…

BAM!!!!!!

Joe Hoffman: WHOA! Solex caught that and now Xander locked in an armbar of his own. Solex is trying to rip that arm right off its hinges.

Hortega jumps in the middle and makes Solex break the hold. Xander’s reeling in pain now. Xander struggles and grabs the ropes to gain his stance back. Solex charges at him, attempting to hit his SOLEXECUTION STUNNER. However, the crafty weasel known as Xander sends the MercDad ass first into the mat.

Joe Hoffman: WHAAAAA?! Xander’s winding up again? He’s trying to end this match with the Fist of Eris. But Solex weakened his arm.

Xander knows he’s got to persist through this. Xander’s wincing in pain, sizing up Solex. Hortega’s got his eyes on both men. Solex is slowly crawling back to his feet. Azula’s salivating over this. The winds become stronger and stronger as he’s working through the pain. Here’s the wind up and the…..

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM!!!!

Joe Hoffman: Hortega’s making the count…..Hortega’s making the count….

UNO!

DOS!

TRES!!!!

The replay airs on the HOV for the crowd to see Steve Solex charging Xander with Full Force nailing the CLOTHESLINE FROM HECK! Xander’s body spins around the air before crashing down with a sick thud. Solex quickly scopes up the leg for the win.

DING! DING! DING! DING!

Bryan McVay: Here is your winner…..STEEEEEEEEEEEEVE SOLEX!!!!!!

Joe Hoffman: The Mercdad and the Number 1 Contender for the LSD Title did it here tonight. With one sick and twisted clothesline, Steve Solex proves why he’s Number 1 Wrestler in the World. He’s made a statement to Jace Parker Davidson here tonight, leaving Xander’s body all twisted up in the ring.

Benny Newell: Real Men have Beards. Real Men use Bars of Soap. Real Men win Championships in HOW. Write that down Joe.

Joe can only shake his head as back in the ring Hortega raises Solex’s hand in the air to celebrate as we cut elsewhere.

Month of Love

We cut backstage where we see REAL LOVE Darin Zion skipping around the back,handing Valentine’s cards out to the HOW production staff, crew, and various arena employees. As Darin Zion gets close towards the camera; he stops at a nearby table. Darin lays his cards on the table and picks up his brand new, shiny Wrestler of the Month Trophy. A smirk forms on Zion’s face as he begins to cut a promo.

Darin Zion: It’s the MOOOOOOOONTH OF LOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEE here in the world of High Octane Wrestling. And first of all, I’d love to thank each of you LOOOOOOVELY people out there for making this achievement possible. Without you, I wouldn’t have achieved such an amazing accomplishment. It’s a beautiful trophy and I’ll cherish it as my first singles accomplishment in 4 years.

As Darin Zion polishes the distinguished trophy off, REAL LOVE places it back on the table. Staring straight at the camera, his face turns more serious.

Darin Zion: However, let’s get something straight here for a moment. If you think I’m settling for one of these trophies; you’re dead ass wrong. I’m the NUMBER 3 ranked wrestler behind Conor Fuse and Steve Solex. I’m fuckin’ hungry. Not for those stupid chocolate hearts everyone loves at Lovemas. Nor do I want a cheap ass card. Hell, I’m not gonna beg for a HOW Tag Team Title shot or HOTV Title shot.

Darin cracks his neck for a moment while he continues.

Darin Zion: No! I have a reason for handing out all these Valentines this week. Both these stupid cheap cards and the other ones mentioned on HOWrestling.com. You see I’m pissed off that no one’s came knocking on my damn door to tangle at March 2 Glory. Now true, after 4 damn years of squandering opportunity after opportunity–I don’t BLAAAAAAAAME anyone. They think that the #3 wrestler in HOW will go slowly sliding back down the ranks into obscurity.

Darin Zion slams his fist down straight on the table.

Darin Zion: You’re damn wrong! I’m staying at the top of my damn game. I’m clawing for more damn opportunities to get my well-deserved LSD Championship match against Jace Parker Davidson in the main event of any HOW PPV this year. I’m gonna write the mistakes I made over the past 4 years because I only got 15 dates left.

Darin Zion points up towards a clock hanging off the wall in the backstage area.

Darin Zion: TICK TOCK! TICK TOCK! My time’s counting down on this last contract. You know what it feels like to live on borrowed time around here? Do you know what it’s like to have your back pinned against the wall with daggers charging at you? It’s eating at me. It’s killing me to watch something that I LOOOOOOOVE slip right through my fingers.

REAL LOVE picks the Valentine’s off the table and stares towards the camera with a blank stare.

Darin Zion: So I did the next best thing I could….I crawled under the skin of every HOW wrestler on this fucking roster. I rattled the damn cage. And no one cares to even write Darin Zion a fuckin’ Thank You note for the damn laughs

Crossing his arms against his chest, the crazed and possessed Zion huffs at everyone walking by him. A maniacal chuckle comes from REAL LOVE’s gut as he continues.

Darin Zion: Now I know some of you worthless fucks in the back are annoyed with me. From Brian Hollywood, Alcedama, Xander Azula, Bobbinette Carey, Marvolo, stronk godson etc. I know someone out there wants to shut me the fuck up. I pissed you the fuck off. I cashed that check my ass couldn’t handle again.

Darin points right in front of him.

Darin Zion: Good! Line the fuck up! Do something about it. Come take my right as the next contender to ANY Championship I so damn well desire. Because after March 2 Glory whatever happens to 1 and 2….I’m next in line. I’m the next person heading to the top of the food chain. I choose my damn shot and shoot the damn arrow at LOOOOOOVE. Rather it’s one of those damn floundering fools I mentioned…or the boss man himself. I don’t care which one of you wants a piece; let’s fuuuuuuuckin go. I’m ready to PROVE myself to the damn world.

Darin Zion sticks his nose up in the air and storms off as the scene cuts out.

Wheel of Luck

The camera cuts further away from Zion as we’re taken not so deeper backstage in the PPG Paints Arena to an isolated corner around the arena in a stairwell. Brian Hollywood and his TSA associates can be seen occupying the area. Hollywood looks like he’s in a pretty good mood no matter how good or bad his night his been. His spirit wasn’t going to be broken. This was an odd behavior of Hollywood as he always had his reservations no matter what the situation. Hollywood shakes his head before he starts to speak.

Brian Hollywood: They say family has a funny way of effecting ones lives based off the type of events that happen in life along the way. Well, I say that’s partially true. At least in the eyes of having a normal family. But I don’t have a normal family, do I? Oh no, I never got that satisfaction.

Hollywood says as his voice echoes in the stairwell. Hollywood has started proceeding to walk up the steps as his voice carries more resilience.

Brian Hollywood: I know it’s not a secret to anyone anymore that I have a long lost brother out there. I want to be optimistic…I really do…but when things pertain to my family, there’s always a dark caveat that comes with my family label, so to speak. My family history is already a dark one, so shouldn’t I prepare for that to have some sort of effect in finding my long lost brother? I can’t help but to bring that interesting theory up in the first place because there’s always “more than meets the eye” when it comes to my family and my history.

Hollywood shakes his head as he tries to remain positive about things. Sure things were changing for him again, but it still didn’t mean it was tough for Hollywood to handle under the current circumstances he was under. He had come within moments of beating Christopher America and winning back the HOW World Championship. Then earlier tonight, he had another hard fought match against number one contender, Conor Fuse……ultimately coming up just short. He was finding his footing again, but he knew there were still things he needed to lock down. Still, he wasn’t going to cave under any pressure or any circumstances. The hatred still flowed through him and he was still using and channeling those emotions. He sighs as he continues up another flight of stairs.

Brian Hollywood: I’m not going to change what’s working. I’ll merely change what isn’t but why not modify it with my hatred? I’m finding something again and I’ll be damned if I ignore it and simply let it float on by. Like I said to Conor this week…I’m DONE being on the sidelines! I’m DONE going through the treatment of being treated like an afterthought or nonexistent. What you say to me, you better be fucking careful, because I’m getting to the point where I’m going to enact a change so fierce everyone here in HOW will wish they just kept their fucking mouths shut and silently wished I had just stayed on the god damn GOD of HOW sidelines. We’re through that, you hear! From this point on, you’re going to see Hollywood pop up on every single HOW show moving forward, and I know that’s going to be problematic for a lot of you here. I guess you’ll just have to beat me to death to get rid of me. But like it or not, I’m here to stay and you don’t want a man like me to get desperate. In that situation I warn EACH and EVERY one of you to watch your backs…cause you’ll never know what I’ll do to get the attention I so rightfully deserve, back.

Hollywood was channeling the hate and the anger within him to fuel his passionate speech. He sighs as he gets to a pair of double doors. He attempts to calm himself down before a rare smile crosses his face.

Brian Hollywood: But let’s start doing something “unexpected” tonight, shall we?

Hollywood says as he opens up the doors and walks into another part of the arena. The only difference this time was that it wasn’t a quiet place as all of a sudden, cheers begin to ERUPT as Hollywood’s TSA try to safeguard Hollywood from the impending storm he was about to walk into, but he tells his men to stand down. Why there was an eruption of cheers was because Hollywood was now in the part of the building that several thousand fans were occupying through the halls as some were buying merch or others at food stands or beer stands. Some fans try to walk up to Hollywood as it certainly was a surprise to see him interacting with them. Hollywood passes by most, giving out high fives before a small boy walks up to him. The kid was in awe and he certainly didn’t expect to be up and close to Hollywood. Hollywood looks down and smiles as the kid wants an autograph.

Brian Hollywood: How you doin, kid?!

The kid is still in absolute awe and his smile was so big, there was nothing that was going to ruin this kids night.

Brian Hollywood: What’s your name, kid?

The kid smiles brightly. Shy for just a split second, the kid finally answers.

Kid: My name is Jaxson!

Brian Hollywood kneels down and smiles as he signs one of Jaxson’s replica HOW World Championship belt he brought with him. Hollywood hands the belt back to Jaxson before the kid lunges out to Hollywood for a hug. Hollywood happily gives him a hug, making his night. Hollywood’s TSA associates looked uncomfortable and rightfully so as they weren’t used to this kind of exposure. They were literally paid to keep people AWAY from Hollywood, but Hollywood was doing the exact opposite of their job description tonight. He didn’t care.

Brian Hollywood: Heh, there ya go, Jaxson!

Hollywood spends just a couple more moments with Jaxson.

Brian Hollywood: You got any brothers or sisters, bud?

Jaxson nods his head as his smile still hasn’t left his face. Hollywood looks up and sees Jaxson’s father standing next to him.

Jaxson: Yes. A brother and a sister!

Hollywood pauses and slowly nods his head reflecting on Jaxson’s answer. Hollywood is able to let out another smile.

Brian Hollywood: Well that’s awesome to hear Jaxson! Can you do a favor for me?

Jaxson nods his head.

Brian Hollywood: I want you to cherish every moment you have with your family. You take care of your brother and sister and never take them for granted. Can you do that for me?

Jaxson nods again as he continues to smile even though he may not have fully understood what Hollywood was trying to tell him.

Brian Hollywood: Ok, good!

Hollywood gets back to his feet and shakes Jaxson’s fathers hand before him and the TSA begin to move on through the hallways still interacting with the fans.

Brian Hollywood: Yea, I know that was a weird question. Would you three lighten up? It’s not like my life is threatened here you know!

Hollywood continues giving fans high fives and speaking to a few more as this is certainly an unexpected move by Hollywood. Hollywood was never known for interacting with fans let alone give them the time of day like this. Was this simply the first unexpected move that HOW was going to see out of Brian Hollywood?

Brian Hollywood: What can I say…I’m just full of surprises! I guess everyone else in HOW is just going to have to stay tuned and find out what I’m going to do next! But I’ll just say this…I’m going to make it my personal Decree to make sure each and every person in HOW regrets every time they wished I didn’t exist. You can bet I’ll make sure no one around here ever forgets that again!

Brian Hollywood: You all have officially been put on notice. Tune in next week and we’ll just spin the HOW wheel of luck and see who it lands on. Whoever it will be, lets just say you don’t want the Hollywood HOW Wheel of Luck to land on you.

And with that, Hollywood and his TSA walk a bit more through the crowded hallway that several fans were now occupying out of Hollywood’s unexpected surprise to the fans as Hollywood now leaves the area but turns back and waves to the fans one more time oddly smiling, maybe a bit too much, as Chaos heads to commercial.

Focused

Back from commercial break we cut to backstage.

Blaire Moise: Blaire Moise here with Joe Bergman and Sunny O’Callahan

We hear a roar from Section 214 and the crowd inside the PPG Paints Arena as she brings in Bergman and Sunny.  Joe has the HOTv title belt over his shoulder.  Sunny has a bottle of Southern Comfort in her hand.

Blaire Moise: Joe, before we talk about tonight’s match, do you want to comment on what Jatt Starr said earlier in the show?

Joe shakes his head.  Sunny just rolls her eyes and takes a drink from the bottle of Southern Comfort.

Joe Bergman: No.  I don’t care about Simon Sparrow or anything Simon Sparrow says other than to reiterate what I said this week.  If he thinks beating me to the inch of death every week is going to cause me to back down, he could not be more wrong.  I’m not backing down. Every time Simon, or Dan Ryan, or whoever hits me- I’m going to hit back.  Every time I’m attacked, I’m going to attack right back.  Every time I get beaten down, I’m just going to fight back even harder.  You can knock me down to the ground.  You can stomp on me and do your worst.  But you can be sure that as soon as I get back up there will be hell to pay.

Sunny nods her head in agreement and takes another drink of Southern Comfort.

Blaire Moise: Okay.

Joe Bergman: But my focus tonight is on my HOTv title defense tonight and that’s all.

Blaire Moise: You face Bobbinette Carey tonight.

Joe Bergman: Yes I do.  Bobbinette Carey is an opponent that I can’t… and I won’t… take lightly.  I know how good of a wrestler Carey is. I know she is more than capable of leaving that ring Sunday night at the PPG Paints Arena in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania as the new HOTv champion and it’s my job to make sure she doesn’t.  I may be a little beaten up this week.  I’m a little bruised.  I’m not physically one hundred percent.  But Blaire, I promise you this much.  When I step into the ring with Bobbinette Carey on Sunday, I will not use any of this as an excuse for me not putting in one hundred percent effort in our match.  The HOTv title belt is on the line.  She will have my full attention.

Again, Sunny nods in agreement.  Again, Sunny drinks right from the bottle of Southern Comfort.

Blaire Moise: So, March to Glory isn’t on your radar yet?

Joe Bergman: Blaire, once that bell sounds I’m putting all this other nonsense… the evil empire bullshit… the cheap attacks…  aside and focus on what I need to be focused on- Bobbinette Carey tonight.  My game plan is simple.  Bobbinette is going to have to wrestle a great match in order to get the belt from me.  She’s going to have to fight like she’s never had to fight before to get the HOTv title pried out of my hands. I know I’m going to have to push myself and do what I need to do so I can leave Pittsburgh still the HOTv Champion Sunday night.

Blaire Moise: All right, good luck tonight.

Joe Bergman: Thank you Blaire.

Bergman and Sunny exit to the left.

Blaire Moise: Joe Bergman everyone.  Joe and Benny- back to you.

#3 Joe Bergman vs. #13 Bobbinette Carey

HOTv Championship Match

The camera shifts back to the ringside area of the PPG Paints Arena here in Pittsburgh where the fans are on their feet and ready for tonight’s main event of the evening. The camera pans over the crowd who are waving their signs in the air while others are waving their terrible towels in support of The Steelers. Finally, we shift to the announcer’s table where our Hall of Fame broadcast team is ready to call the action.

Joe Hoffman: It’s main event time here at Chaos 023 and it’s a match where the HOTv Championship belt will be on the line.

Benny Newell: I need to talk to Lee about adding a clause into my contract where I don’t have to call any Evil Empire matches either.

Joe Hoffman: At this rate Benny, just who would you be out here to witness wrestle?

Benny Newell: The Final Alliance members, obviously.

Joe shakes his head and decides to focus on the task at hand.

Joe Hoffman: We’ll see the HOTv Champion Joe Bergman defend his title tonight against the challenge of HOW Hall of Famer Bobbinette Carey. Bergman managed to win the Championship belt from GREAT SCOTT and since then he’s been red hot–

Benny Newell: Don’t you mean he cheated to steal that Championship belt from GREAT SCOTT?

Joe Hoffman: Joe Bergman is a lot of things but he is not a cheater.

Benny Newell: You don’t earn a name like the Evil Empire without doing some pretty dastardly things. He’s been shacking up a woman who can barely rent a car in most states. He’s been attacking members of The Final Alliance and even innocent referees. I’m pretty sure it was Joe Bergman that convinced Clay Byrd to try and take me out on those steel steps way back–

Joe Hoffman: You’re being ridiculous!

Benny Newell: Am I? It’s the well-mannered, happy all the time one’s that you have to watch out for, Joe. Something sinister about that guy. I bet Joe Bergman isn’t even his real name. I’d put money on the fact that isn’t even his real face. He’s probably been walking around here wearing someone else’s skin. You just aren’t born that ugly, Hoffhole.

Joe Hoffman: BENNY!

Joe exclaims as he looks over at his broadcast partner who just shrugs his shoulders. Joe sighs and turns back towards the camera.

Joe Hoffman: Let’s send it to Bryan McVay in the ring who is ready to make the introductions for this main event.

The camera shifts to the center of the ring where HOW Hall of Fame ring announcer Bryan McVay can be seen standing with his microphone in hand. Standing to the side of Bryan is HOW Hall of Famer and senior referee Matt Boettcher. McVay raises the microphone up to his lips and begins to speak.

Bryan McVay: The next match is the main event of the evening and it’s for the HOTv Championship!!!

A loud pop from the crowd follows the announcement that causes McVay to pause for a moment. Once the crowd quiets down a bit, McVay raises the microphone back up to his lips.

Bryan McVay: Introducing first the Challenger…

Arena lights go black as the sound of “ENEMY (ARCANE)” by ANNA begins to blast from the speakers.

 

“Tell you you’re the greatest

 

but once you turn they hate us!”

 

A magenta spotlight shines at the entrance on stage as the Queen of Epicness herself is already standing there waiting for the light. Instead of the normal attire and glamor that Bobbinette Carey is known for, the HOW Hall of Famer can be seen standing there holding a barbed wire wrapped hockey stick in one hand. She has a beer in the other hand that she drinks from. She has on a New York Rangers jersey that is many sizes too big and fits her more like a dress. The name Scottywood is written across the back of the jersey.

Bryan McVay: From Parma Heights, Ohio, weighing in tonight at 235 lbs. She is a HOW Hall of Famer here is The Queen of Epicness BOBBINETTE! CAREY!

“Oh the misery everybody wants to be my enemy!”

The HOV plays a black-and-white video package. (We see the clip of her smashing a photo over Mario Maurako; another clip of her hitting Mario with the defib pads, then the most striking image of Bobbinette standing over Scottywood and slapping him.)

Bobbinette Carey turns and looks up at the HOV then throws her middle finger up into the air at the image of her slapping Scottywood. Carey turns back around and yells out a loud “Fuck The Penguins!!!” towards the fans here in Pittsburgh who shower her with hatred.

Joe Hoffman: Bobbinette Carey not exactly making any fans here with the people of Pittsburgh and it’s no secret that she’s been in a major slump for a while now. She seems to be in turmoil with herself on how to approach things both inside of the ring and outside of it. However, a win here tonight would turn things around for her in an instant.

Bobbinette Carey begins to walk down the ramp while continuing to drink from the beer in her hand. The fans continue to yell negativity towards her but The Queen of Epicness pays no attention to them. She steps up the ring steps and wipes her feet on the apron before getting in the center of the ring.

“Spare the sympathy, everybody wants to be my enemy, but I’m ready”

Benny Newell: That’s a fancy way of saying the bitch has lost her marbles. Carey has never been the sanest person out there but the LSD Champion and Stronk did a number on her that she’s yet to recover from. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that crazy women are unpredictable and if Bergman isn’t careful here tonight he might be waddling his way back to Missouri empty-handed.

Bobbinette paces around the ring as magenta-pink and mauve pyrotechnics explode from the turnbuckles. However, there is no Miss America-style crown, no ballerina-style exaggerated curtsy. Just animalistic pacing around the canvas and blood lust in her eyes. Boettcher walks over and tries to do a pre-match check on Carey as McVay raises the microphone up to his lips again.

Bryan McVay: And her opponent…

The opening piano played by Billy Powell followed by the iconic guitar licks from Gary Rossington’s slide guitar at the beginning of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s epic “FREEBIRD” blare out of the speakers.

Seconds later, the lovely Sunny O’Callahan emerges from the back dressed in the fashion of a female background singer from a late seventies Southern rock band wearing a spaghetti strap top, a pair of jeans, heels, and her usually straight hair is all frizzed out and curly.

Sunny takes a swig from a bottle of Southern Comfort and sways on the stage as Ronnie Van Zant’s vocals come on over the sound system.

“If I leave here tomorrow… will you still remember me?”

 

Bryan McVay: From Plattin, Missouri, weighing in tonight at 215 lbs.

 

“For I must be traveling on now…  ‘Cause there’s too many places I want to see…”

 

Joe Bergman comes out dressed as normal in a plain black robe over his wrestling trunks with the HOTv Championship belt strapped around his waist.

 

“But if I stayed here with you girl… Things just couldn’t be the same…”

 

Bryan McVay: He is a HOW Hall of Famer and the current HOTv Champion. Here is ORDINARY JOE! BERGMAN!

 

“Cause I’m a free as a bird now… and this bird you cannot change…”

 

Joe Hoffman: Joe Bergman ended 2022 in disappointing fashion missing out on capturing both the LSD Championship belt and the HOTv World Tag Team Championship belts. He walked into 2023 as a member of the World Championship tournament but suffered a loss to Conor Fuse. But in typical Joe Bergman fashion. He bounced back and pulled the upset to become the HOTv Champion. Tonight he looks to keep his reign rolling by defeating The Queen of Epicness.

The crowd roars. Joe pumps his first in the air.

“And this bird you cannot change…”

With Sunny leading the way, she and Bergman start down the ramp toward the ring.

“And this bird you cannot change…”

Bergman slaps people’s hands along the way to the ring.

“And this bird you cannot change…”

Benny Newell: I don’t buy this whole ‘man of the people’ thing for a moment. Joe Bergman is the kind of guy that pockets a cockroach from his house in Missouri and then places his on his plate while in a fancy restaurant just so that he can get a free meal. Joe Bergman cheats on his taxes by claiming the entire MVW roster as dependents. Joe Bergman belongs behind bars for his crimes.

Joe climbs up on the ring apron and opens a path for Sunny to climb into the ring. Then he leaps over the top rope and climbs up on the turnbuckle.

“Lord knows, I can’t change”

Looking out over the ropes with Sunny right by his side, Joe raises his arms in the air and a can of PBR in tribute to the ‘ordinary people’ in attendance tonight and, of course, Section 214. McVay exits the ring but Bobbinette explodes out of her corner and hits Bergman with a huge splash in the corner that crushes him against the turnbuckle. Bobbinette grabs a hold of the top and begins stomping a mudhole in Bergman and walking it dry. Bobbinette places her boot on the throat of Bergman and tries to choke him out.

Joe Hoffman: Bobbinette Carey has decided to attack the HOTv Champion before the opening bell of this match! Boettcher needs to get in there and pull Carey away from Bergman!

Benny Newell: This is a great move by Carey, Joe. There are no rules before the bell rings to start the match and everyone knows Bergman isn’t 100% here tonight!

Sunny grabs a hold of Carey and tries to pull her away from Bergman but Carey shrugs Sunny off and shoves her down to the canvas hard. Boettcher grabs a hold of Carey and begins to admonish her as Bergman coughs and tries to get oxygen back to his lungs. Bergman uses the ropes to try and pull himself back up to his feet. Carey pushes Boettcher to the side and then raises the barbed wire hockey stick into the air.

Benny Newell: Crack his skull open!

Boettcher grabs a hold of the hockey stick and snatches it away from Carey before she can strike. Boettcher turns and tosses the hockey stick out of the ring as Bergman regains a vertical base. With Boettcher’s back turned Carey punts Bergman between the legs with a low blow that sends him crumpling down to the canvas. Carey grabs a hold of the HOTv Championship belt from around Bergman’s waist and shoves it into Boettcher’s chest.

Joe Hoffman: Bobbinette Carey just hit Joe Bergman with a low blow while Boettcher’s back was turned! Now she’s handing the HOTv Championship belt and demanding that he officially starts this match!

Boettcher looks down at Bergman but reluctantly raises the HOTv Championship belt high into the air to signify that the title is on the line. Boettcher hands the Championship belt to McVay in signals for the bell as the crowd boo’s loudly.

DING DING

Carey pulls off the New York Rangers jersey and tosses it to the outside as Sunny rolls out of the ring. Carey turns around and walks around Bergman as he slowly fights his way off of the canvas. Carey turns and races towards the ropes. Bergman stands on unsteady legs still holding his groin as Carey bounces off the ropes.

Joe Hoffman: ROYAL PAIN!

Carey levels Bergman with the running lariat that damn near turns him inside out before he crashes down to the canvas. Carey hooks the leg and makes the cover as Boettcher slides in for the count.

Matt Boettcher: ONE
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Joe Hoffman: NO! NOT LIKE THIS!
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Matt Boettcher: TWO
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Benny Newell: YES! NEW CHAMPION!
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Matt Boettcher: THREE!!!
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NO! BERGMAN GOT HIS SHOULDER UP BEFORE THE THREE COUNT AND THE CROWD EXPLODES!

Joe Hoffman: Bergman got his shoulder up just in time but that was too close for comfort!

Benny Newell: That was three! Learn how to count, Bitcher!!!

Carey slams her hands down to the canvas in disbelief and then holds up three fingers toward Boettcher. However, the senior referee confirms that it was only a two count. Carey gets up to her feet then grabs a hold of Bergman by the hair and pulls him back up to his feet. Carey cracks Bergman’s chest with a couple of knife-edged chops before whipping him into the turnbuckle. Bergman hits the turnbuckle spine first at high velocity. Carey gets a head of steam and then charges toward the corner once again. Bergman sees her coming and manages to get his boot into the air causing Carey to crash into it face first. Carey staggers away from the corner a bit but turns around and charges once again. Bergman steps out of the way and Carey hits the turnbuckle chest first.

Joe Hoffman: This match has been all Bobbinette Carey so far but Bergman is using his brains to outmaneuver Carey here to buy himself some much-needed time.

As Carey turns around, Bergman leaps into the air and then hits Bobbinette with a monkey flip out of the corner. Carey takes flight but then crashes down to the canvas hard as the crowd cheers. Bergman gets back to his feet and then climbs to the middle rope. Bergman gets his balance and leaps off connecting with a senton dive down onto Carey. Bergman hooks the leg and makes the cover on Carey as Boettcher slides in for the count.

Matt Boettcher: ONE

Matt Boettcher: TWO

Bobbinette Carey kicks out before the three count can be made.

Joe Hoffman: Bergman with a monkey flip followed by a senton dive from the middle rope but it wasn’t enough to keep Bobbinette Carey down for the three.

Benny Newell: Of course, it wasn’t. He leaped off the middle rope onto Bobbinette Carey. She might not be the Trash Bag Missy Elliot wannabe anymore but……… I’m surprised Bergman ended up on the canvas and not in the second row.

Joe Hoffman: Is that a fat joke, Benny?!

Benny Newell: The proper term is thick, Joe…..and trust me….THICC girls always try harder.

Bergman gets back up to his feet and then races towards the ropes as Carey begins to peel herself off of the canvas. Bergman bounces off the ropes and hits Carey with a basement dropkick down drops her down to all fours. Bergman returns to his feet and then races toward the ropes again. Bergman jumps to the middle rope and then leaps off looking for a cutter but Carey counters by pushing Bergman off into the ropes. Bergman bounces off the ropes and leaps into the air. Bergman wraps his legs around Carey’s neck and goes for a hurricanrana but Carey is far too strong to be snapped over. Bergman begins to hit Carey with rapid punches to the head but Carey drops down and hits Bergman with a sit-out powerbomb down to the canvas. Carey places her legs over Bergman’s shoulders as Boettcher slides in for the count.

Matt Boettcher: ONE

Matt Boettcher: TWO

Matt Boettcher: THR–

NO! BERGMAN GETS HIS SHOULDER OFF THE CANVAS BEFORE THE THREE!

Joe Hoffman: Big-time sit-out powerbomb by Bobbinette Carey to counter the hurricanrana attempt by Bergman but it only got a two-and-a-half count.

Benny Newell: She was half a count away from becoming the new HOTv Champion right there. I can sense the end of the Evil Empire is upon us.

Carey gets back to her feet then grabs a hold of Bergman and tosses him over against the turnbuckle. Carey lowers her shoulder and begins to ram it repeatedly into the midsection of the HOTv Champion. All of the air rushes out of Bergman’s lungs as Carey continues to pressure her opponent. Carey steps away from the corner a bit then unleashes a vicious uppercut that rocks Bergman. Carey grabs a hold of Bergman who is out on his feet then sits him up onto the top rope. Carey unleashes a second uppercut and then slowly begins to climb the turnbuckle.

Joe Hoffman: Bobbinette Carey is headed up to the high-rent district and she’s got bad intentions in mind.

Benny Newell: Wrong, she’s going HOTv Championship intentions. One big move and the Evil Empire is done. Finish him!

Bobbinette reaches the top rope and then grabs a hold of Bergman. Carey hooks him and goes for a superplex Bergman begins to fight back. He hits Carey with stiff right hands that eventually cause her to break her grip. Bergman hits Carey with a big headbutt but then gives her a headbutt to the midsection that doubles her over. Bergman gets up to his feet on the top turnbuckle and then flips over the top of Carey.

Joe Hoffman: SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB FROM THE TOP ROPE BY BERGMAN!

The ring rattles from the impact of the move as Bergman keeps his grip on Carey. Bergman places his boots over Carey’s shoulders as Boettcher slides in for the count.

Matt Boettcher: ONE

Matt Boettcher: TWO

Matt Boettcher: THREE!

NO! BOBBINETTE CONVULSES OUT OF THE PIN ATTEMPT AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT!!!

Benny Newell: Oh thank Lee!

Joe Hoffman: They are trading powerbombs in the main event here tonight! Bergman nearly had this one won and retained his HOTv Championship belt but somehow Carey managed to escape before the three!

Bergman gets back up to his feet and then wastes no time as Carey begins to pull herself off of the canvas. Bergman slides in behind her and then locks in the Dragon Sleeper. Bobbinette tries her best to fight it but Bergman bends her head backward.

Joe Hoffman: THE DRAGON SLEEPER IS LOCKED BY BERGMAN AND CAREY HAS NOWHERE TO GO!

Benny Newell: GET UP, BOBBIWOOD!

Bergman tries to lock his legs around Carey but she continues to squirm and fight the hold. Carey begins to fight her way back up to her feet while Bergman continues to pull on the hold. Carey is able to muscle Bergman up onto her shoulder and then plants him in the center of the ring with a tombstone piledriver. Carey staggers back up to her feet then grabs a hold of a limp Bergman and begins to lift him up to her shoulders.

Joe Hoffman: She should go for the cover! What is she doing?!

Benny Newell: I think we’re about to see a Bobbinette Carey-style Game Misconduct!

Carey gets Bergman up to her shoulder but suddenly she drops him down to the canvas. Carey lets out a scream and grabs a hold of her head with both hands. She staggers around the ring yelling bloody murder until finally she stops and raises her head into the air. The crowd is silent as they watch Carey who runs her fingers through her hair and has a bright smile on her face.

Benny Newell: Lee dammit! She’s back!

Carey notices Bergman on the canvas and then turns and races toward the ropes. Carey bounces off the ropes and then leaps into the air.

Benny Newell: EPIC ENDING!

Carey twists into the air but then ends up crashing and burning down to the canvas hard.

Joe Hoffman: BERGMAN GOT HIS KNEES UP!

Carey flops around on the canvas holding her back in pain. Bergman staggers back up to his feet and then grabs a hold of Carey by the hair. Bergman pulls Carey back up to her feet but suddenly Carey’s hand wraps tightly around his throat.

Benny Newell: NOW HE’S BACK!

Carey lifts Bergman into the air and goes for a Scottyslam but Bergman counters and in one fluid motion gets behind Carey and locks in his finisher again.

Joe Hoffman: DRAGON SLEEPER!

Bergman torques back the head of Carey but Bobbinette counters quickly by racing backward and crashing Bergman against the turnbuckle in the corner hard. The impact causes Bergman to lose his grip as Carey staggers away from the corner. Carey turns around towards the corner but Bergman sprays her in the face.

Joe Hoffman: GREEN MIST!

Benny Newell: CHEATER!

Carey is blinded as Bergman plants a boot into the midsection. Bergman grabs a hold of Carey and then plants her with a tornado DDT down to the canvas. Bergman gets back up to her feet then steps through the ropes and begins climbing the turnbuckle. Bergman balances himself on the top rope and then leaps off toward Carey.

Joe Hoffman: HIGH ANGLE SWANTON BOMB CONNECTS!

Benny Newell: IS BOETTCHER JUST GOING TO LET HIM VOMIT ALL OVER CAREY’S FACE AND GET AWAY WITH IT?!?!

Bergman hits the big move off the top onto a prone Bobbinette Carey. Bergman hooks the leg and makes the cover on Carey as Boettcher slides in for the count.

Matt Boettcher: ONE
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Matt Boettcher: TWO
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Matt Boettcher: THREE!!!

DING DING DING!!!

Bryan McVay: Here is your winner… AND STILL HOTv CHAMPION… JOEEEEE BERGMANNNN!!!!

Joe Hoffman: Joe Bergman survives here tonight against Bobbinette Carey to remain the HOTv Champion!

Benny Newell: He cheated right in front of the referee’s face!

Joe Hoffman: Carey low-blowed Bergman earlier!

Benny Newell: Before the match started! Besides, two wrongs don’t match a right, Hoffhole!

The announcers microphones are muted as we see the victorious Joe Bergman roll out of the ring with his HOTv Championship on his shoulder and back peddle his way up the ramp with Sunny by his side.

The Pittsburgh crowd suddenly erupt as the feed abruptly cuts back to ringside where we see a man has just jumped over the guard rail……

EPIC BONUS

The man quickly slides into the ring as the EPU agents that were running thru the crowd with him surround the ring.

The man stands over Carey as she has made it up to her knees and she looks up at the man.

The man she defeated for the World Championship almost 13 years ago to the day on a fateful Thursday Night Turmoil back on February 11th 2010…..and a man she helped get inducted into the Hall of Fame just this past year……..Aceldama

The 6’4” 275 pound German looks down at Carey with a blank expression as he watches his fellow Hall of Famer stagger up to her feet.

Carey makes it all the way up to her feet and looks up at the man in front of her. She then glances to the sides of her and notices that the EPU has the ring surrounded and are ready to pounce into action.

Resigned to her fate, Carey just scoffs as she looks up at the man that is literally working for free for Lee, and gives the man two middle fingers.

Aceldama remains emotionless as he springs into action.

He drops a powerful right hand to the green mist covered face of Carey and knocks her down to the canvas. The Pittsburgh crowd begins to boo loudly as Aceldama pulls Carey up by her hair and proceeds to powerbomb her back to the canvas.

He does not release the hold however.

He raises the 235lb woman up once again and crashes her body back to the canvas once again with another powerbomb.

The fickle fans begin chanting “ONE MORE TIME” as Aceldama does more than just that.

Aceldama continues to powerbomb Carey over and over again in the middle of the ring and as the feed for Chaos fades out we see the EPU agents slide into the ring to stop the assault finally.