Event Date: July 17, 2022
- 1. #15 David Noble vs. #18 Brian Hollywood
- 2. The Hardest of Workers
- 3. Last Week Tonight
- 4. What a Stupid Fucking Name
- 5. SIMON Says..
- 6. #8 Jace Parker Davidson vs. #12 Bobbinette Carey
- 7. House of GOD
- 8. #1 STRONK vs. # 6 Simon Sparrow
- 9. Unsanctioned Violence
- 10. The Heartland
- 11. Welp
- 12. The Highwaymen vs. Zion and Bergman
- 13. BONUS
#15 David Noble vs. #18 Brian Hollywood
First there is black.
Then static followed by the Chaos opening video.
As that finishes we cut live inside the sold out Enterprise Center here in St. Louis Missouri. The crowd is on their feet cheering as we cut inside the ring where our Hall of Fame ring announcer is standing by ready to kick off the show.
Bryan McVay: The following match is one fall…
Joe Hoffman: WELCOME everyone to CHAOS!!! The fans here in St. Louis are READY for one HECK of a night of HOW matches LIVE here on High Octane Television and our first show under the PWA:TV umbrella! We’ve got a stacked card here for you tonight, kicking it off with David Noble and Brian Hollywood and in our main event, we will see a Tag Team Championship match as Clay Byrd will team with Steve Harrison to face off against Darin Zion and Joe Bergman. It’s mayhem, absolute mayhem! We also have a LSD Championship match that will be decided in a ladder match as challenger Simon Sparrow will try to take out the monster known as STRONK!
Bryan McVay: Introducing first… standing at six feet and one inch tall, weighing in at two-hundred-and-twenty-five-pounds, he hails from Los Angeles, California… BRIAN! HOLLYWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
“Stronger on your Own” by Disturbed blares over the PA. Hollywood slowly walks from the back and takes center stage as he stands there for a few brief moments, closing his eyes. He reigns in the boos from the crowd as he gets in final mental preparation for his upcoming match. As Hollywood opens up his eyes, pyro shoots off in opposite corners of the stage as it makes its way to center stage. As the pyro hits the center, the camera zooms in to see the reflection in Hollywood’s eyes as he finally makes his way down the ramp, quickly taking off his vest and throwing it down with intensity. Hollywood makes his final push as he charges the ring, rolling under the ropes. He gets back to his feet and looks about the entire arena glaring at the fans before he takes his place in the corner turnbuckle before turning his gaze intently in the ring as he awaits for the bell.
Joe Hoffman: Hollywood coming in tonight with a bit of momentum after picking up the victory against newcomer Josh Conway. He’ll want to continue his momentum by picking up a victory against David Noble tonight, who outside of a victory against Hollywood in May, has been on a bit of a losing streak himself.
With Hollywood in the ring, Joel Hortega begins to check over Hollywood.
Bryan McVay: His opponent… standing at six feet and two inches tall, he weighs in at two-hundred-and-sixty-five pounds… hailing from Buffalo, New York… DAVID! NOOOOOOOOOOOOBLE!
Then, “Heaven and Hell” by Kanye West begins to play and David walks out from the backstage area, looking like he’s ready for a fight as he marches down the ring wearing his blue jeans, gloves, and wrestling boots. He slides in under the bottom rope and stomps back and forth as he feels the energy in the arena tonight.
Joe Hoffman: Noble has been on the losing side for quite a while now, last losing at Chaos 001 against Clay Byrd over the HOTv Championship. David will hope to be able to replicate what he did in May and get the victory over Hollywood and hopefully get back on the right path.
After Hortega has checked over Noble, McVay leaves the ring, and Hortega ensures both wrestlers are ready before he signals for the bell.
At the sound of the bell, Hollywood rushes out of his corner and begins pelting Noble with a flurry of fists until Noble is in the corner, trying to block the punches, but the intensity and speed of Hollywood is proving to be difficult. David finally finds an opening and slams his boot into Brian’s midsection before swapping places with him and unloading with a series of fists on Hollywood, who is now in the corner. Noble then whips Hollywood across to the opposite corner and connects with a running clothesline. As Hollywood stumbles out of the corner, David is ready for him and connects with a bridging Northern Lights Suplex as Hortega slides into position.
Joe Hoffman: And Noble almost pulled out the victory right away there! Looked like Hollywood was going to get the upper hand on Noble, but Noble kept his composure and turned it around in a hurry. Now Noble catches a rising Hollywood with a knife-edge chop before pushing him into the ropes, whips him across the ring, and connects with a picture perfect drop kick on his opponent.
Hollywood doesn’t stay down for long as he rushes back to his feet and runs right into an arm drag from Noble. Hollywood tries again and manages to block the arm drag from Noble, slams his knee into Noble’s midsection, and connects with a gutwrench slam in the center of the ring. Noble sits up and is met with a stiff kick to the back, causing him to grimace from the shot. Hollywood yanks Noble up to his feet and connects with a stiff uppercut that forces Noble into the ropes. Brian connects with another knee to the midsection and then springboards off the middle rope and connects with a leg drop across the back of Noble’s neck.
Joe Hoffman: Hollywood really taking it to Noble there. Hollywood seems to have a renewed focus and intensity to him, which should treat him well with the hyenas we’ve got running around HOW these days. Noble starting to make his way up to his feet and Hollywood just bounced off the ropes, connecting with a knee to the side of Noble’s skull. That’s going to leave him dazed.
With Noble down on one knee, Hollywood connects with a sweeping DDT that plants Noble in the center of the ring. Brian wastes no time as he walks over to the nearby corner, climbs to the top rope, and then connects with a flying headbutt on Noble, forcing David to roll onto his stomach, grimacing from the pain. Hollywood makes his way back up to his feet and snaps his boot across the back of Noble’s skull. David rolls out under the bottom rope, grabbing the back of his head. Hollywood watches as Hortega checks on Noble and begins to count him, but instead of letting Hortega get far in his count, he bounces off the ropes and connects with a tope suicida on Noble, sending him crashing into the ringside barricade!
Joe Hoffman: Hollywood taking it to Noble and Noble is finding himself firmly on his back foot as Hollywood has kept it going, not giving Noble a moment to breathe. David uses the barricade to pull himself back up and Hollywood rushes at him only for David to dip his shoulder and hoist him into the air, dropping him throat first across the barricade! Ouch! And Noble with the German Suplex on the outside!
Both men are down on both knees before Noble uses the ringside apron to pull himself back up and slams his boot into the rib cage of his opponent. David grabs at the back of his head as he grabs Hollywood and rolls him back into the ring. Noble climbs onto the apron and manages to block the fist from Brian before he slams his knee into his midsection. Noble then slingshots himself over the doubled over Hollywood and connects with a sunset flip on him, forcing Hortega into a quick count.
Joe Hoffman: And Noble nearly caught Hollywood by surprise there with a sunset flip. Noble needs to get his momentum back if he wants to pull this victory out as Hollywood seems a bit more intense tonight and refuses to stay down for long. Noble yanks Brian up to his feet and connects with another knee to the midsection before putting him in a front face lock and he hoists him up into the air. Noble is holding him up there, showing off his strength, before he connects with a brainbuster!
Noble pulls Hollywood back off the mat and slams his right hand across the jaw of his opponent before pushing him back into the corner. He then climbs to the middle turnbuckle and begins slamming his fist into the top of Hollywood’s skull as the fans begin to count along.
Noble hops off of the ropes and yanks Hollywood out of the corner into a side belly-to-belly suplex in the center of the ring. Noble bounces off the ropes in a hurry and goes for a running shooting star press only for Hollywood to get his knees up and Noble crashes ribs first into them. David rolls over in a world of pain as Hollywood immediately goes for the cover.
Joe Hoffman: Instincts right there almost got Hollywood the victory there. These two men are throwing everything they have at one another and the crowd is eating it up. Both men are slow to their feet and Hollywood catches Noble with a stiff punch to the face and Noble fires one right back at Hollywood. Hollywood is rocked by the jab and then fires one back at Noble, who stumbles into the ropes! These men are giving it their ALL.
Noble use the ropes as leverage as he ricochets back at Hollywood and connects with a superkick that hits flush with Hollywood’s jaw, who stumbles back into the ropes, and launches off of them into a superkick of his own. Noble stumbles backwards before he uses the ropes to launch himself forward and rushes at Hollywood only to run right into a cutter from him.
Joe Hoffman: PAPER CUT FROM HOLLYWOOD! Noble is laid out in the center of the ring, but Hollywood is on the mat as well and both men are spent from the high paced action they’ve been engaged in.
Hollywood slowly claws to his feet, using the ropes to help him, and he stands up, yelling at Noble to do the same. David makes his way to his knees, seemingly not aware of where he’s at. As he makes his way up to his feet and turns towards Hollywood, Brian rushes forward for a Claymore Kick only for Noble to duck out of the way. Brian makes his way up to his feet, turns towards Noble, and narrowly misses a flying knee to his face as Noble crashes into the corner. He turns around and never sees Hollywood coming with a second Claymore Kick that he successfully connects with.
Joe Hoffman: EXECUTIVE DECREE! HOLLYWOOD GOT ALL OF THAT!
Hollywood rolls the unconscious Noble over and goes for the pin as Hortega begins his count.
DING DING DING
Joe McVay: Your winner… BRIAN! HOLLYWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
Hollywood makes his way to his feet, looking down at Noble, and then has his arm raised by Hortega in victory.
Joe Hoffman: And that’s two in a row there for Brian Hollywood, who picks up the impressive victory over David Noble.
Hollywood exits the ring as Noble slowly begins to sit up and looks dejected and disappointed. He shakes his head as Hortega checks on him before he exits the ring, leaving Noble alone in the ring.
Joe Hoffman: You can only imagine the feelings Noble is feeling, suffering defeat after defeat in high profile match after high profile match.
Noble looks down at his hands and yanks his gloves off, placing them on the mat. He then moves down to his wrestling boots and begins to unlace them.
Joe Hoffman: Wait, what is Noble doing?
He takes off one shoe and then the other, placing them in the center of the ring. He then places his gloves on top of them.
Joe Hoffman: No, is this it for Noble? Is he retiring?
Noble then stands up and looks out at the fans, all of whom are standing on their feet and watching as Noble seems to be signaling what Hoffman is thinking is happening. They begin to clap their hands for Noble.
THANK YOU NO-BLE!
THANK YOU NO-BLE!
THANK YOU NO-BLE!
Joe Hoffman: And the fans here are letting their appreciation show for Noble, who has been in a number of high profile matches since he’s joined HOW! His first match in HOW was for the HOTv Championship against the man we do not name. He found himself teaming up with Conor Fuse in the Maurako Cup and managed to make it to the Finals before they fell short. He then had a hellacious HOW World Championship match against Conor Fuse just a few months ago. Then, competed in War Games last month. He’s definitely put his body on the line time and time again, and these fans are thanking him for it.
Noble stands there and listens to the fans as they chant his name and he lowers his head, holding his hand over his head, and then looks out at them, thanking them for their support. He then exits the ring and walks up the ramp, pausing at the top of it before he turns around and looks out at the fans once again before he disappears.
THANK YOU NO-BLE!
THANK YOU NO-BLE!
THANK YOU NO-BLE!
We then cut backstage.
The Hardest of Workers
We moved from ringside to the backstage area where HOW’s hardest working interviewer Blaire Moise is seen standing in front of a cameraman with her microphone in her hand. Blaire runs her free hand through her hair before the cameraman gives her the signal that they are live and rolling. Blaire raises the microphone up to her lips and begins speaking.
Blaire Moise: Ladies and gentlemen, joining me at this time is none other than HOW Hall of Famer and a member of The Board. Please welcome Jace Parker Davidson accompanied by Madison.
The cameraman pans out a bit to show both Jace and Madison in the shot along with Blaire.
Blaire Moise: Later tonight you go one on one with fellow Hall of Famer Bobbinette Carey here in St. Louis. It seems the two of you have been at odds since the debut episode of Chaos this era. You cost Carey and Scottywood the win but also ditched your own partner the HOW Commissioner. But even after all of that you tossed Bobbinette Carey, who is phobic of boats and bodies of water, off the U.S.S. Octane.
JPD: First off can we talk about the reaction those idiotic Saint Louis fans just gave to a guy that literally just QUIT on them? For fuck’s sake. Thank you Noble? Instead, how About Time Noble? But of course these are the same people keep forgetting the fact that I left Farthington to tap out and was going on about my own business when Carey attacked ME with a goddamn Kendo stick. All these bleeding hearts out there feeling sorry that I made Carey take a bit of a swim. Yet, no one wants to acknowledge the fact that she came to the ring that night dressed like she was going to dive right in and search for the lost city of Atlantis. But, I’m not at odds with Bobbinette Carey, she is at odds with me.
Blaire Moise: So, what do you call your insistence that Carey stays away from the LSD Champion Stronk Godson and that they don’t become a couple?
Jace turns his head and looks down at Blaire with an angry expression on his face but Blaire just smirks confidently.
JPD: Stronk and I are among the elite here in HOW. He is my friend and my business partner. It is my job to make sure that he doesn’t fall prey to conniving women like Bobbinette Carey. Women who only want Stronk Daddy for what he has, not who he is as a person. Frankly, Bobbinette broke Stronk’s heart when she refused to have anything to do with him when the big man decided to shoot his shot. It’s funny that now that Stronk is the LSD Champion and he has his own brand of delicious frozen meat along with a new Hall of Famer salary. That Bobbinette Carey is soaking her panties over the STRONKEST MAN ALIVE.
Blaire Moise: Let’s talk about last week where Bobbinette Carey decided to pay a visit to your locker room holding receipts in her hands. Receipts that she intended you to pay for but unfortunately you were nowhere to be found.
JPD: Bobbinette Carey is an obnoxious bitch that has her head stuck up her own ass. What kind of respectable HOW Hall of Famer wants someone else to buy them wrestling gear and pay for a trip to the hair salon? Just because she doesn’t have a man of her own because she decided to be “Gal Pals” with Scottywood for 15 years. That doesn’t mean I’m going to suddenly feel sorry for her or become her Sugar Daddy. Clearly, this was Carey’s attempt to get under my skin and it failed miserably but I guess that’s what happens when you’re around The Hardcore Alcoholic long enough that common sense and decent mind games are no longer viable options for you.
Jace shrugged his shoulders a bit as Blaine turned her head and rolled her eyes so that he couldn’t see. Blaine clears her throat and turns back towards Jace and Madison.
Blaire Moise: Strong words, but because of you not being there and your actions on Chaos 001. It was Madison there that got into an altercation with The Queen of Epicness where she was assaulted and choked out.
JPD: Typical Bobbinette logic. She doesn’t get her way, so she decides to take it out on an innocent, untrained person like Madison. She wouldn’t have dared try that shit if I had been in the locker room at the time. Shame that a HOW Hall of Famer like Carey has to bully someone that is basically a manager. But that doesn’t matter, as you can see Madison is fine and Carey’s “teachable moment” or whatever the fuck she called it, didn’t work in the slightest bit.
Blaire Moise: And later in the evening you found the LSD Champion in catering. You decided to pace back and forth and vent to Godson about Carey and what happened in your locker room.
Jace folds his arms across his chest and nods his head slightly at Blaire’s comment.
JPD: I did and Stronk was there for me because that’s what friends are for, Blaire. Just because Carey’s only friend is a drunken Grandpa doesn’t mean the rest of us have to suffer like she does.
Blaire Moise: There for you? More like busy stuffing his face and paying you no attention.
Blaire mutters those words under her breath but just barely loud enough for the microphone to pick up. Jace narrows his eyes and raises his arm in an effort to teach Blaire a lesson but Madison grabs a hold of his arm and wraps her own arms around it to stop him.
Blaire Moise: Seems like I may have touched a nerve. Speaking of which, what do you think about what Carey had to say about you and your obvious problem with women?
JPD: Problem with women? I don’t have a problem with women at all!
Blaire Moise: At Chaos 001 you made a comment about Abortion Rights and then kicked Carey in the vaginal region. Of course, there were others you had an unhealthy attitude towards like Eli Dresden & Noelle Rivers.
Jace grinds his teeth in anger but then closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He opens his eyes and looks down at Blaire.
JPD: Bobbinette Carey likes to throw out completely false facts. We all know that she comes out here week after week with her fake Woke speeches when all she truly cares about is herself. As far as Eli Dresden and Noelle Rivers go, Dresden was a no-talent psychopath who wanted to put in as little effort as possible. She went from being all over me and sleeping with Madison to suddenly running my name through the mud with every single female wrestler she could find in the business. The woman had the nerve to shove a microphone down my throat on live television just because she didn’t have the talent to be able to be someone like me. She was fired for being a useless waste of space, I’m just sorry it didn’t happen sooner.
Jace pauses for a moment just thinking about the horrible situation he had to endure with Dresden.
JPD: Noelle Rivers was someone that didn’t care about winning. She was only here for attention. Yet, somehow she managed to beat Darin Zion and qualify for the War Games match. So, yeah, I absolutely had a problem with her “I’m not going to wrestle in the War Games match or go to Ukraine” attitude. She thought it was cool to put down HOW and our titles. She thought she was funny going around disrespecting the rich history of HOW and our elite level matches. I tried to light a fire under her ass but even that didn’t work. She acted like she didn’t care about anything but her and her two little boyfriends sure got upset by our use of the term “Fisher Price” when it came to other companies. She’s one of the people that would rather everyone hold hands and jerk each other off about how great they are and how nothing they do is ever wrong. Good riddance.
Blaire Moise: It still does seem like you have Misogynisti–
Jace holds up his free hand and interrupts Blaire.
JPD: Shut up, Moise! The fact is that even with the limited number of women that have graced the hallowed halls of HOW. It doesn’t mean that I hate all women. Madison here gets along with me perfectly. My ex-wife Tara and I were inseparable until she turned into a cheating whore. Kirsta Lewis, Daytona, Carmen Jennings, and Electra. All women that I have no problem with outside of the ring. However, with you? We’re going to have a serious problem if you keep spewing this bullshit.
Blaire Moise: One final question before your match. I can imagine after what happened last week that Madison will not be escorting you to the ring and standing in your corner tonight, correct?
JPD: Madison will absolutely be out there with me tonight. What Carey did to her isn’t going to stop her from doing her job. I’ve begun training Madison again and if Carey wants to start shit with her again? Then Madison will be more than capable of defending herself. See, people like Carey think that what she did last week was a big deal. People like Carey want to wave receipts in your face while people like me? I set people on fire when I want to make a statement. Carey better be more worried about what I am capable of doing to her if she tries to provoke me again and less on poor Madison. What happens in the ring tonight won’t be a “teachable moment” it’ll be a thorough ass kicking that is long overdue for a woman whose mouth writes checks that her ass can’t cash. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to prepare to expose the so-called Queen as a fraud.
Jace and Madison begin to walk out of camera range but Jace stops then leans over towards the microphone in Blaire’s hand while getting back into camera range.
JPD: And buy STRONKUMMS today! We’re in the process of restocking our supply after… such high demand… and I promise you once we are back at full steam. STRONKUMMS will be the most delicious thing that you’ll ever put in your mouth.
Jace turns and winks at Blaire.
JPD: Other than me, of course.
Jace takes Madison by the arm and heads towards the gorilla position leaving Blaire standing there disgusted and rubbing the bridge of her nose to prevent the oncoming headache as we cut elsewhere.
Last Week Tonight
We cut to taped footage from Chaos 002. In the locker room, an athletic trainer attends to HOW newcomer “North Star” Josh Conway. Conway has a bag of ice taped around his knee, obviously suffering some ill-effects of Brian Hollywood’s attention to it during their match. Conway laughs, kindly pats the athletic trainer on the shoulder and gives him a wink.
The exits the shot, leaving just Conway. He takes a thoughtful couple seconds, adjusts the ice bag on his knee, and then addresses the camera with a smile.
Josh Conway: Well. I can’t say that’s exactly the introduction I was hoping for.
He scratches at some stubbled on his face.
Josh Conway: As I’ve said from day one, I knew the competition here in HOW was going to be really stiff and my first match here was illustrative of that fact. Brian, you were the better man and I want to offer my sincere congratulations on a hard-fought win. You came in with something to prove and I think you showed the whole world that you do in fact belong in High Octane. You’re one hell of a wrestler and I have a lot of respect for you. Like myself, you might have a few extra grays in your hair now, but there is zero doubt that you can still go. And, if the state of my knee is any indication, you’re willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done.
Conway chuckles to himself, reaches down and grabs a bottled water, pausing to take a long swig.
Josh Conway: When you’ve been at this as long as I have, you learn that losing is simply a fact of life. Every night, especially here, you’re getting in there with the most highly skilled wrestlers that want nothing more than to put your shoulders on the mat and elevate themselves up the card. With competition like that, some nights just aren’t gonna go your way.
He places the bottle back down on the floor and stands, taking an extra moment to steady his injured leg underneath him.
Josh Conway: Tonight didn’t go my way, but it was an absolute honor for me to compete in front of all of you. The reception you gave me was heartwarming and I’m grateful every time I come through that curtain to have fans like you watching my matches. I can’t promise you that I’m gonna come out here and win every night. I’m not gonna scream into the camera about how I’m gonna kill my opponent—it’s just not my style. What I can promise each and every one of you, every single person that puts hard-earned money down for a ticket to these shows, is that I will continue to show up each and every night and fight my damn heart out. Every night, you can count on me giving you everything I’ve got in that ring win, lose, or draw. Thanks so much for the support and I can’t wait to get back into the ring.
The camera fades away from Conway as the video ends and we go to our first commercial break.
World Title Match
Steve Solex vs. Christopher America©
ICON Title Match
Simon Sparrow vs. Tyler Best©
Scottywood vs. Scott Stevens
Last Man Standing Match
Chris Kostoff vs. Lee Best
What a Stupid Fucking Name
Back from commercial and we see the GOD of SON’s Tyler Adrian Best, standing near the parking lot exit to the arena, yammering into his cell phone with the HOW ICON Championship slung over his shoulder. The usual “TEN-X t-shirt and workout pants” look that HOW has come to know is gone, seemingly, replaced by an expensive looking dress shirt and slacks.
TAB: …nah, ain’t worried about it. If he beats Lenny, it’s just another belt I get to walk away with when I smash him at Dead or Alive.
He paces back and forth, smirking into the phone as he listens to the voice on the other end.
TAB: Look, you just do your job and I’ll do mine. I’m still undefeated. I have a fancy white world title over my shoulder to match that red one Chris is so crazy about. Everything is gonna be–
Mid sentence, the ICON Champion trails off as a giant limousine pulls into frame in the parking lot outside the bay doors. Windows upon windows upon windows roll past, before the car finally comes to a stop.
TAB: …lemme call you back.
A driver walks around to the back of the limo, opening the door and allowing his passenger to step out of the vehicle. An absolute brick shithouse of a man. A man who doesn’t work for High Octane Wrestling. A man with a majestic haircut that could almost be called a mullet, but is way, way cooler. His flowing mane gets the girls wet in the places their wieners should be.
This guy clearly fucks.
Tyler Adrian Best looks on as the man makes his way up the back ramp, heading toward the inside of the building. The arena’s guest lowers his sunglasses and smiles at the God of Sons.
Mysterious Visitor: HI I’M SCOTT, I HOPE YOU’RE HAVING A GREAT DAY.
The number one contender to the PRIME Five Star Championship, GREAT SCOTT, has arrived in HOW in the flesh. He slaps the side of Tyler’s arm in friendly fashion, walking past him and headed down the hallway toward the locker rooms. Tyler is absolutely dumbfounded, having no idea what to make of this situation or why GREAT SCOTT would be in the Enterprise Arena here tonight.
And he doesn’t have much further time to wonder.
Lost in thought, Tyler Adrian Best nearly leaps backward out of his shoes, as an actual six foot five bear saunters past him next, the other person who had been sitting in the car. GREAT BEAR is vibing to low-fi tunes on his sweet Beats by Dreadle headphones, wearing a yarmulke and some Yeezys, completely ignoring the ICON Champion and he swags his way to his best friend GREAT SCOTT.
Once they’re both out of earshot, Tyler shakes his head.
TAB: …what a bunch of PRIME morons. Fucking PWA. What a stupid fucking name.
He slings the ICON Championship back over his shoulder, redialing his phone as he walks out of frame. Chaos continues.
We cut back inside the arena where we see Blaire standing next to Simon Sparrow who is embracing the Old West theme for the upcoming “Dead or Alive” in Tombstone. The HOW Hall of Famer sports his checked pants and matching waistcoat. He has a suede black and tan leather jacket on and Stetson atop his head.
Blaire Moise: Jatt Starr….
Simon Sparrow: Simon Sparrow. Why can’t we get that straight? I’m not Jatt Starr, I’m Simon Sparrow. I’m just one entrance song away from completely transitioning from that reviled moniker. I was thinking Marty Robbins or Gene Autry….but I don’t know how “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” would fit.
Blaire Moise: I wouldn’t know about that, but Jatt….
Simon Sparrow: Simon.
Blaire Moise: …later tonight, you will square off against Stronk for the LSD Championship, a man who has beaten you before. What is your strategy going into this match?
Simon Sparrow: Well, little lady….this here Stronk feller, he’s the rascalliest varmint in these here parts. And yeah, he’s the got that LSD Championship, I know what it’s like to have it around my waist, and rest your purty little head I’m a-gunnin’ fer it. But there is a bigger issue at play here. Bigger’n’a twelve foot cow on Thanksgiving. Stronk, while he’s dumber’n’a rotten sack’a taters in a New Jersey landfill, he’s a hired gun. Hired to take me out. Those yellow-livered Bests, they’re circlin’ the wagons. They see this Old Gunslinger a-comin’ after the prodigal son of the prodigal son, so they put me in with the biggest hoss on the roster. Biggest in muscularity, not in heighth, if’n ya catch my drift. Tonight, I make a statement and I hope that tenderfoot, bottomfeedin’, bootlickin’ whippernapper, Tyler Best is watchin’, because if I can bring down a lummox like Stronk, then just imagine what I can do to him.
Blaire Moise: Jatt….
Simon Sparrow: Simon!
Blaire Moise: …don’t you think you are taking this Western theme a bit too far?
Simon Sparrow: Unless’n I kill a man in cold blood with a big iron, which, I have recently learned is slang for a gun, not pressin’ clothes. I’d’a lookened pretty silly walkin’ in here with a clothes iron on my hip, I tell you what. But too far? I don’t know the meanin’ of the word. But when I get there, I’ll let ya know, little lady. Now, if’n you’ll excuse me, I need to find me a pre-match sarsaparilla. Yee haw!
Simon Sparrow exits the frame leaving Blaire alone to just shrug as the scene cuts to ringside for the next match.
#8 Jace Parker Davidson vs. #12 Bobbinette Carey
We cut to the ringside area here in the Enterprise Center and the sold out crowd. The camera pans the crowd for a moment as fans stand on their feet while screaming and raising their hands. The camera comes to a stop at the announcers table where HOW Hall of Famer Joe Hoffman sits ready to call the action for the second match of the evening.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back to ringside ladies and gentlemen. I for one cannot WAIT till Jatt St…um…Simon Sparrow takes on our LSD Champion STRONK later this evening in a ladder match for the Championship. Should be a daisy….Anyhoo….next up we have a singles match which could really be called a grudge match. Two HOW Hall of Famers are fixing to clash in the center of the ring. They are two of the bigger personalities on this roster and I don’t expect a great deal of sportsmanship in this contest. Let’s go to the ring where Bryan McVay is ready for the introductions.
Joe Hoffman nods his head as the camera shifts to the center of the ring where Hall of Fame ring announcer Bryan McVay stands with his microphone in hand.
Bryan McVay: Our next match is a singles match scheduled for one fall!
The crowd cheers wildly ready for more action here in St. Louis. McVay waits for the cheers to die down before raising the microphone back up to his lips.
Bryan McVay: Introducing first…
Arena lights go black.
“Tell you you’re the greatest
but once you turn they hate us!”
A magenta spot light signals her entrance as the Queen of Epicness herself is already standing there waiting for the light. Bobbinette Carey makes her way down the ramp. Wearing a Miss America style crown. She stands at the top of the ramp with her pink and black leopard gear.
Bryan McVay: From Parma, Ohio, weighing in tonight at 235lbs. She is an HOW Hall of Famer and The Queen of Epicness. Here is BOBBINETTEEEEE CAREYYYY!!!
“Oh the misery everybody wants to be my enemy!”
The HOV plays a black and white video package. (We see the clip of her smashing a photo over Mario Maurako; another clip of her hitting Mario with the defib pads, then the most striking image of Bobbinette standing over Scottywood and slapping him.)
She steps up the ring steps and wipes her feet on the apron before getting in the center of the ring.
Joe Hoffman: The was July 3rd where Bobbinette Carey teamed with fellow Hall of Famer Scottywood in a triple threat tag team match to determine the #contending team to the HOW World Tag Team Championship belts. They were unsuccessful that night but it’s what happened after the match that had everyone talking. Carey was tossed overboard off the U.S.S. Octane by her opponent here tonight.
“Spare the sympathy, everybody wants to be my enemy, but I’m ready.”
She stands in the center as magenta pink and mauve pyrotechnics explode from the turnbuckle as she does a ballerina style exaggerated curtsy.
Bryan McVay: And her opponent…
The lights in the arena dim as the HOV begins to light up. The words “The King has Returned.” echo throughout the building. The crowd stands on its feet as smoke begins to build on stage. The sound of “KINGDOM” by Jaxson Gamble begins to blare as a spotlight shines on stage.
Bryan McVay: From Miami, Florida, weighing in tonight at 253lbs. Representing The Board, he is an HOW Hall of Famer. Here is The King of Everything JACEEEE PARKERRRRR DAVIDSONNNNNN!!!
The crowd gives a mixed reaction as through the smoke appears Jace Parker Davidson along with Madison by his side. Jace looks out at the crowd and soaks in the reception before locking arms with Madison. The two make their way down the ramp slowly as fans reach over the barricade trying to touch the duo.
Joe Hoffman: It was Jace that tossed Carey off of the U.S.S. Octane but last week Carey got a measure of revenge by storming into Jace’s locker room and presenting Madison with receipts meant for Jace to reimburse her. That turned into Carey coming to blows with Madison and choking her out in what she called a teaching moment.
Madison takes her place at ringside as Jace slides under the bottom rope to enter the ring. Jace pops to his feet and makes his way over to the nearest corner and climbs the turnbuckle to pose for the crowd. Hopping down Jace goes to his corner and begins to stretch in his corner. Referee Matt Boettcher checks with both superstars as Bryan McVay exits the ring. Both superstars confirm that they are ready so Boettcher signals for the bell to officially start the match.
Jace and Carey both walk out of their corners and meet in the center of the ring. Immediately both Hall of Famers begin mouthing off at each other as Carey uses her finger to point to Madison at ringside. Jace swats Carey’s finger away but Carey fires back with a slap right to the face of JPD. Jace’s head snaps to the side from the force of the slap as Carey smirks proud of herself. Jace turns his head back and fires off a right hand to the face of Carey but Carey comes back with a stiff forearm shot to the chest of JPD. Each Hall of Famer continues to trade shots back and forth with the other. Carey ends the rapid fire strikes with a knee to the midsection of JPD before locking him into a side headlock. Carey cracks on the neck of JPD who fires off elbows to the side of Carey before shooting her off into the ropes. Carey rebounds off the ropes then runs through Jace with a shoulder block that sends him down to the canvas.
Joe Hoffman: Carey might be the smaller of the two individuals but if you look at the tale of the tape then you’d realize that the weight difference between Carey and Davidson is less than 20lbs. This will not be a walk in the park for Davidson here tonight.
Carey brushes off her shoulder then turns and races towards the ropes. Jace kips up to his feet as Carey bounces off the ropes. JPD tries to catch Carey with a hip toss but Carey blocks and counters with a hip toss of her own. Jace hits the canvas hard but immediately gets back up to his feet. Carey doesn’t let him breathe as she scoops Davidson up and body slams him back down to the canvas. Frustrated JPD rolls under the bottom rope to the arena floor to regroup. Jace paces back and forth by Madison on the outside. Carey walks over to the ropes then sits on the bottom rope while inviting JPD back into the ring. Boettcher walks over and forces Carey away with the ropes as JPD gets back onto the ring apron. JPD steps through the ropes to enter the ring before the two of them lock up collar and elbow. JPD uses his strength advantage to push Carey back against the turnbuckle. Boettcher calls for a clean break but Jace tries to take advantage with a right hand to Carey but she uses her speed to dodge it and JPD falls against the turnbuckle. Carey bends over and begins laying in repeated shoulder tackles to the midsection of JPD in the corner.
Joe Hoffman: It seems Carey is calm and collected here in this match in the early going. She seems to be a step faster than Jace and is taking the fight to the man that made her go for a dip back in New York City.
Carey finishes off the series of shoulders to the midsection as all the air in JPD body has been expelled. Carey grabs JPD by the arm then whips him over to the opposite corner as hard as she can. JPD hits the turnbuckle hard as Carey gets a running start. Carey leaps into the air and hits JPD with a big splash in the corner. Carey backs away as JPD stumbles out of the corner. Carey plants a boot to the midsection of JPD that doubles him over then races towards the ropes. Carey bounces off the ropes then hits JPD with a swinging neckbreaker down to the canvas. Carey gets back up to her feet then grabs a hold of JPD by the head and pulls him back up off the canvas. Carey sinks in a headlock then races towards the corner. Carey climbs the turnbuckle pads then spikes JPD down to the canvas with a tornado DDT. Carey hooks the leg and makes the cover on JPD as Boettcher slides in for the count.
Joe Hoffman: Bobbinette Carey has focused a majority of her attacks on the head and neck of JPD. She knows it’s Davidson’s weak spot since he retired for five long years from the sport due to a severe neck injury. The tornado DDT only got her a two count before JPD kicked out.
Carey gets back up to her feet as on the outside Madison starts to pound her hands on the ring apron trying to rally JPD. Carey walks over towards the ropes and takes a swipe with her leg towards Madison which makes her back away from the ring. Carey turns her attention back towards JPD and pulls him back up to a vertical base. Carey goes to whip JPD into the ropes but JPD reverses the whip and sends Carey into the ropes. Carey doesn’t rebound off the ropes because she hooks her arms around the top rope to stop her momentum. JPD charges and hits Carey with a clothesline that sends her spilling over the top rope and down to the arena floor hard. Jace turns around and distracts Boettcher as Madison walks over and begins laying in stiff kicks to the side of Carey.
Joe Hoffman: Dirty tactics here by Davidson distracting Boettcher while on the outside Madison lays in kicks to the fallen Carey. The bad blood between these two women rages on but Carey needs to get back into the ring since Scottywood isn’t out here to watch her back.
Madison walks away from Carey like nothing ever happened as Jace pushes Boettcher away. Jace races towards the ropes as Carey begins to pull herself up to her feet. JPD leaps through the ropes and hits Carey with a suicide dive that sends her crashes back into the steel barricade. JPD gets back up to his feet then grabs a hold of Carey and pulls her back up to a vertical base. JPD hooks Carey then hits her with a side Russian leg sweep sending her crash back into the steel barricade. JPD gets back up to his feet then grabs a hold of Carey and rolls her back into the ring. JPD gets up to the ring apron and begins to climb the turnbuckle. JPD perches himself on the top rope as Carey staggers back up to her feet. Carey turns around as JPD leaps off the top rope and hits her with a missile dropkick that sends her back down to the canvas. JPD hooks the leg and makes the cover on Carey as Boettcher slides in for the count.
Joe Hoffman: The tide has turned in this match as JPD has taken flight with a suicide dive and now a missile dropkick that floored Carey. It looked like JPD was going to pick up the big win but Carey got her shoulder off the canvas before the three count.
JPD gets up to feet then grabs a hold of Carey and pulls her back up to a vertical base. JPD whips Carey into the turnbuckle hard. JPD gets a running start towards the corner but Carey sees him coming and gets her boot up. JPD runs into the boot and staggers a bit away from the corner. Carey pulls herself up to the middle rope as JPD turns around. Carey leaps off the middle rope then hits JPD with a blockbuster neckbreaker from the middle rope. JPD holds his neck in pain on the canvas as Carey struggles to get back up to her feet. Carey stalks around JPD as he regains a vertical base. As JPD turns around Carey wraps her arms around him and hits him with a belly to belly suplex down to the canvas. Carey gets back up to her feet then backs up and crouches down in the far corner. Carey waits patiently as JPD struggles to get back up to his feet. JPD is back on his feet and turns around as Carey races out of the corner. Carey just about rips JPD in half with a spear that sends him crashing down to the canvas hard. Carey hooks the leg and makes the cover on JPD as Boettcher slides in for the count.
Joe Hoffman: 2.99999 by Carey on that pin attempt after that spear but JPD got his shoulder up at the last split second. JPD’s neck and midsection has to be hurting right now from the assault by Carey. She needs to keep her foot on the gas and put this one away.
Carey gets back up to her feet then leans down and grabs a hold of JPD by the hair. Carey pulls him up to his hands and knees then shoves her head between her legs. Carey grips JPD by the waist then goes for a powerbomb but in desperation JPD counters with a hurricanrana that sends Carey down to the canvas. Slowly both Carey and JPD get back up to their feet. Carey charges towards JPD but he leaps into the air and hits Carey with a standing double foot stomp that sends her crashing down to the canvas. Both remain on the canvas breathing heavily as Boettcher begins a ten count.
Joe Hoffman: Carey went for the big power move but JPD managed to counter with a hurricanrana followed by a standing double foot stomp. However, at this point in the match both of them are down and Boettcher is counting. The first one to their feet will clearly have the advantage here.
Jace is the first one back up to his feet before the ten count followed by Carey. Jace walks up behind Carey and grabs her by the waist. JPD attempts a German Suplex but Carey grabs a hold of Boettcher by the shirt. With the referee distracted Carey kicks her leg backwards and hits JPD with a low blow that sends him crumbling down to the canvas.
Joe Hoffman: Low blow by Bobbinette Carey! I guess that is payback for the kick to the… umm… vaginal region while aboard the U.S.S. Octane. Boettcher didn’t see it and now Carey is in the driver’s seat here in this match.
Carey lets go of Boettcher then runs her fingers through her hair nonchalantly. Carey reaches down and pulls JPD back up to his feet. Carey whips JPD into the ropes. JPD rebounds off the ropes but Carey catches him with a big time lariat that sends him crashing down to the canvas hard.
Joe Hoffman: ROYAL PAIN! This could be over!
Madison begins to panic and jumps up onto the ring apron to distract the referee. Carey turns and races towards the ropes. Carey leaps into the air and goes for The Epic Ending but JPD gets his knees up and Carey crashes and burns into them. Jace struggles back up to his feet and with the referee distracted by Madison, JPD reaches into his pants and pulls out his Hall of Fame ring. JPD places the ring on his finger as Carey staggers back up to her feet. Carey turns but JPD levels her with a right hand to the head with the Hall of Fame ring that drops her like a ton of bricks. JPD takes the ring off of his finger and hides it back into his pants as Madison drops down off of the apron. JPD makes his way over towards the corner and measures up Carey as Boettcher turns back around.
Joe Hoffman: First it was Carey with the low blow but now Madison has distracted Boettcher allowing JPD to use his Hall of Fame ring as a weapon. Boettcher didn’t see a thing and now it looks like JPD is looking to end this with Bend The Knee.
Carey struggles and fights her way up to her hands and knees as JPD shoots out of the corner. JPD leaps into the air going for Bend The Knee but Carey rolls out of the way at the last possible second. JPD’s foot slams down on the canvas but Carey manages to grab JPD from behind and roll him up as Boettcher slides in.
Joe Hoffman: Carey with the surprise roll up and just about won this match but Boettcher is holding up two fingers to indicate that JPD managed to kick out before the three. It doesn’t get any closer than that.
Carey slams her fist on the canvas in frustration as Jace retreats to the corner. Carey pulls herself up to a vertical base and charges towards the corner. Carey goes for another spear but this time JPD moves out of the way. Carey’s shoulder collides with the steel ring post hard and it echoes throughout the arena. Carey pulls herself away from the corner slowly then turns around. JPD plants a boot to the midsection of Carey then lifts her off of her feet and spikes her down to the canvas with Unscripted Violence. Jace hooks the leg and makes the cover on Carey as Boettcher slides in for the count.
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner at 11:35… JACEEEEE PARKERRRR DAVIDSONNNNN!!!
Joe Hoffman: A hard fought match and Bobbinette Carey gave it everything she had but in the end Jace Parker Davidson pulls out the win here on Chaos. However, I feel like this issue is far from over and you just know that The Queen of Epicness isn’t going to move on without taking her pound of flesh.
Jace gets up to his feet as Matt Boettcher raises his arm in victory. “KINGDOM” by Jaxson Gamble begins to play as Jace goes over to the corner. Jace climbs the turnbuckle and poses for the crowd. Jace looks over his shoulder and sees that Matt Boettcher is kneeled down checking on Bobbinette Carey. Jace hops down off of the turnbuckle then begins pointing and shouting down at Madison who is still at ringside. Madison nods her head then makes her way over to the Timekeepers table and grabs a steel chair. Madison slides the chair into the ring towards Jace as he picks it up off of the canvas.
Joe Hoffman: What in the world is he thinking now? The match was already over and he got his hand raised in victory. There is no need to add insult to injury. Drop the chair and just head backstage!
Jace begins stalking over towards Carey and Boettcher who has helped Carey to her feet and she leans against the top rope to keep herself upright. Boettcher turns around and sees Jace with the steel chair in hand. Boettcher tries to stop Jace from using the weapon on Carey.
Joe Hoffman: I’m glad that Matt Boettcher is trying to do the right thing here. If I were Boettcher I would reverse the decision of the match if he doesn’t give up that steel chair and leave the ring.
Jace and Boettcher continue to argue over the steel chair when suddenly the sound of “JUICY” by Notorious B.I.G. begins to blast throughout the arena. The crowd comes alive as the LSD Champion and The STRONKEST MAN ALIVE Stronk Godson walks out on stage and begins to march his way towards the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Stronk Daddy is here but who is he here to help in this situation? Is he here to help his friend and business partner Jace Parker Davidson put Bobbinette Carey out of commission? Or is he here to make the save for Bobbinette Carey and thwart any dastardly deeds that Jace Parker Davidson has in mind?
Shelley Greene comes racing from out of the back and tries to get in front of Stronk and stop him from getting inside of the ring. However, Shelley is no match for a determined Stronk who swats him away and makes it way up the steel ring steps. Jace shoves Boettcher away causing him to fall to the canvas. Stronk enters the ring and stands between Bobbinette Carey and Jace Parker Davidson. Shelley joins Madison at ringside and watches nervously with everyone else in the audience. Stronk looks back and forth between the two Hall of Famers while holding the steel chair.
Joe Hoffman: For the moment Stronk has taken the steel chair away from JPD and stopped his attack before it even started. But the LSD Champion looks confused as to what to do next now that he has the chair in his massive hands.
Both Jace and Carey begin yelling at Stronk and pleading with him to use the chair to take out the other person. Stronk begins gripping the chair tightly as his mind tries to make the right decision on who to listen to in this situation until the lights shut off. The HOV screen turns on.
Joe Hoffman: Don’t adjust your televisions folks. The lights have gone out here in the Enterprise Center and I have no idea what else could possibly happen here!
White background, black text. The words appear in a randomized order.
V… FOR VENGEANCE
V… FOR VICTORY
V… FOR VALIANT
The words are interchanged so fast no one can keep up.
V… FOR VENDETTA
The big screen stops on this statement.
V… FOR VENDETTA
V… FOR VENDETTA
V… FOR VENDETTA
V I N T A G E FOR VENDETTA
Joe Hoffman: Is it true!?
The lights in the Enterprise Center come back on with all three HOW superstars still in the ring. The crowd cheers in anticipation as both Davidson, Godson, and Bobbinette are all frozen in place while watching the entrance way. Smoke fills the stage. A lift reveals a man being elevated to the top of the rampway. The smoke clears. The lift stops. The man in the SNES cape reveals himself…
…To be an Elder Scroll.
JPD has a WTF look on his face as the crowd pops with excitement.
Joe Hoffman: Behind you guys!
A man slips over the guardrail and into the ring. He’s wearing a BEST ALLIANCE hoodie with an X crossed through it. He throws the hoodie into the crowd and although he is masked, wearing something along the lines of a V for Vendetta/Casey Jones mask on his face, it’s clear from the vintage wrestling tights and physical build he’s…
“The Vintage” Conor Fuse
Joe Hoffman: Was Conor in the crowd this whole time!?
JPD and STRONK eventually catch on. Fuse shoots across the canvas floor and hits a spear on JPD and then a superkick on STRONK that sends the steel chair in his hands smashing back into his face. JPD is back to his feet holding his ribs with both arms but Conor turns to Davidson and cracks him with a superkick as well. Fuse turns around then focuses on Godson who is stunned. Fuse charges and then hits a tilt-a-whirl DDT to Godson. The Ultimate Gamer fires up the crowd, all of them cheering in !RANK chants for the former World Champion when JPD slides out of the ring and trips up Godson in order to pull him to safety, too. The two men make their retreat up the rampway to massive jeers from the fans as Conor Fuse checks on his BFF Bobbinette Carey.
Joe Hoffman: I didn’t know when we’d see him again but The Video Game Kid has returned!
Fuse stares down Godson and Davidson as they point towards the ring and make threats towards Fuse and Carey as the camera cuts away from the ringside area.
House of GOD
We cut backstage where we see Brian Bare with Scott Stevens who appears to be in a good mood.
Brian bare: Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time, Scott Stevens.
There is a mixed reaction from the crowd as Stevens places his arm around Bare and gives him a side hug before giving him a noogie.
Scott Stevens: HAHA! I’m great Bare.
Stevens lets go of Bare who is nervous about continuing.
Scott Stevens: We are in the House of Best so everything is great.
Bare looks confused by the comment.
Brian Bare: We aren’t in Chicago……
The crowd boos and Stevens shoots him a look.
Scott Stevens: BARE!
Brian become startled and drops to the fetal position.
Brian Bare: Don’t hurt me.
Bare begs and Stevens shakes his head.
Scott Stevens: We are in the House of Best because the House of Best is everywhere Bare. GOD has blessed this…..city with his company’s presence so they can behold the power of 97 Red because the Midcard and the Main Event is filled with nothing but Fisher Price performers.
The crowd lay in the boos thick.
Scott Stevens: You should be booing that used car salesman with horrible breath for conning his way to another championship match.
The crowd boos even louder and begin to chant the famous Stevens chant.
Crowd: FUCK YOU STEVENS! FUCK YOU STEVENS! FUCK YOU STEVENS!
Stevens smiles and nods.
Scott Stevens: Yes. Yes. Yes! You all should be saying Fuck you Stevens to that horrible referee Rick Stevens for his atrocity last week.
Brian Bare: Wait what?
Bare asks confused.
Scott Stevens: If Rick Stevens was a competent official he would’ve seen Xander Azula load his knee pad with something because no knee finishes me because I have the best knee in wrestling because my knee is better than a Best!
The crowd boos even louder.
Scott Stevens: However, I’ve preached enough about that peon Xander A-Loser for far too long already. I got bigger Fish-ers to fry.
Stevens informs as he rubs his hands together.
Brian Bare: I’m assuming you are mentioning Scottywood.
Scott Stevens: That’s right.
The crowd gives a slight cheer for the Hardcore Artist.
Scott Stevens: Scottywood was a man that was once feared in this company. When you heard his name you know someone was going to bleed like a stuck pig hence the name Hardcore Artist. From bottomlining people, crucifixion matches, being innovative with barbed wire was a thing of beauty. However, recently the former disciple of GOD has lost his way……he became whatever the hell he is now because Bobbinette Carey chopped off his balls and turned him into the Hardcore Simp.
Stevens says with disgust and disdain in his tone.
Scott Stevens: You see Scotty, you have failed GOD because you don’t see the 97 Red light anymore. You began to see McKenna blue when you became Carey’s cuck. GOD wanted a message sent and a message I sent when I carved your initials of F and P into that symbol on your chest that people used to fear, but it’s become a laughing stock as of late.
Stevens says as he pulls the pen from his pockets and twirls it in his hands.
Scott Stevens: You used to spread the message of HATE, but the only thing that is hated is when you and Carey hug it out in the center of GOD’s ring and bringing blasphemy to the House of Best!
Stevens lowers his glasses and his tone turns serious.
Scott Stevens: At Dead or Alive you will be wanting me to put you out of your misery after I have my fun with you. And just like Lee is going to kill his Kostoff, I’m going to kill mine because Scotty, if you’re not 97 Red then you’re 97 Dead!
Stevens shouts as he slides his glasses up and exits the frame as the scene fades to commercial.
#1 STRONK vs. # 6 Simon Sparrow
Back live and we cut once again to Joe Hoffman as it is time for our next match of the evening.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back everyone and it is TIME for the first of two Championship Matches of the evening. Ladies and gentlemen, this one could be one for the highlight reels tonight on PWA and HOTv. HOW Hall of Famer Simon Sparrow taking on STRONK GODSON for the HOW LSD Championship… in a ladder match.
Mike Best: Jatt Starr. Use his fucking slave name, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: As you can see, I’m joined at this time by a man with a pretty vested interest in the outcome of this match… the CEO of High Octane Wrestling himself, Mr. Michael Lee Best. Michael, what do you make of this one?
Mike Best: It’s a win/win, Joe. Either STRONK does his due diligence for the Board and does what he does best– royally fucking smashes that piece of shit Jatt Starr to retain his championship… or my SON Tyler gets the opportunity to be a CHAMP CHAMP come Dead or Alive. Bests collect belts… it’s what we do. But we’re talking about STRONK DADDY here, Joe… Jatt is leaving this building with a feeding tube.
The lights go out and one by one yellow spotlights illuminate the ramp from the ring to the curtain. “Everybody Wants You” by Billy Squier blares across the arena and emerging from the curtain is Sir Simon Sparrow, sporting his red and black plaid pants with matching waistcoat, a Black and Tan fringe leather jacket, and a Stetson Stetson.
He walks down the ramp winking and pointing at the fans, especially of the attractive female variety, that cheer for him, as the Wabid Wabbit follows. The Rembrandt of Wrestling, fully embracing the Old West theme, shows off his holster and six shooter paintball gun, mocking a high noon draw. He proceeds to remove his duster and waistcoat and carefully folds it before handing them to the Wabid Wabbit.
Mike Best: Look at all this bullshit pageantry. He looks like a real fucking asshole. All pomp and no circumstance, that’s what you get with Simon Sparrow– HEY SIMON, WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME YOU USED THAT STUPID NAMED AND TRIED TO FUCK ON MY FAMILY, DIPSHIT? How’s Bethany?
Joe Hoffman: Simon Sparrow–
Mike Best: Jatt Starr.
Joe Hoffman: Jatt Starr is one of the most decorated and celebrated wrestlers in the history of HOW. I don’t think the name he chooses to use changes that. And tonight he gets the opportunity to cement yet another title victory, albeit against one of the most difficult opponents he’s ever faced.
Mike Best: Yawn. STRONK DADDY already fleeced this dude for the HOTv Championship. Or whatever it’s gonna be called now that I gotta get waterboarded with all this PRIME BLUE bullshit.
The ring becomes illuminated in a teal light. The HOW Classic walks up the ring steps and middle ropes and enters the ring. He stands in the middle of the ring, all of the other lights go out save for one yellow spotlight in the middle of the ring where he stands, soaking in the cheers of his fans. The spotlight fades as the house lights come up, and Sparrow heads towards the corner, leaning nonchalantly on the turnbuckle waiting for the match to begin.
Simon’s music slowly fades away, as the lights in the arena go back down and“Juicy” by the Notorious B.I.G. begins to play. STRONK GODSON walks out onto the stage, LSD Championship around his waist, with Shelley Greene following behind him.
Mike Best: Now HERE WE FUCKING GO. Look at this beautiful motherfucker, Joe Hoffman. LOOK AT HIM. My War Games secret weapon. The man of the second, minute, hour, day, and MONTH. STRONK FUCKING GODSON.
Joe Hoffman: STRONK has certainly achieved a lot in his short tenure in High Octane Wrestling, capturing two singles titles and putting a War Games victory notch on his belt. This might not be his first time in the ring with Simon Sparrow–
Mike Best: JATT. STARR.
Joe Hoffman: With Jatt Starr, but this is a ladder match. This is a whole different animal. This one won’t be decided on pure strength alone.
The fans pop for his arrival—promiscuous women and drunk and disorderly men, especially. STRONK walks to the ring, and, just before stomping up the ring steps, grabs ahold of his ‘STRONK AF’ sleeveless tee shirt and rips it from his body with startling ease. STRONK enters the ring, while Greene stands out on the floor, hyping up his man and jawing with the ringside fans. The LSD Champion looks a little worse for the wear after being attacked earlier tonight, but is otherwise primed to compete.
Joel Hortega takes the LSD Championship carefully from STRONK, who doesn’t seem eager to let another man touch his title. It’s a necessary evil, though, and Hortega hangs it from the chain in the center of the ring. Slowly, it’s raised up to its peak, ready to be defended in tonight’s ladder match. Immediately, however, Shelley Greene steps up onto the ring apron, arguing with Hortega that it isn’t fair to make STRONK defend his championship in a match that is so very dependent on the law of gravity.
Joe Hoffman: Looks like Shelley Greene is hoping to advocate for his client a little bit here tonight. I don’t understand exactly how he intends to have a ladder match with no ladders or prize, though.
Mike Best: I’d be nervous about some dickhead who calls himself a Sparrow having an unfair advantage in a ladder match too, Joe. That’s just science and biology. Even Starrs live in the sky… A+ for Shelley Greene, doing what needs to be done.
Joe Hoffman: Well I don’t think we’re going to– WHOA! SHOTS FIRED!
Before Joe can even finish the debate, Shelley Greene is launched off the ring apron, having taken two direct paintball shots to the center of his face. The crowd roars as the manager collapses to ringside, and Simon Sparrow blows imaginary smoke from the barrel of his six shooter paintball gun.
STRONK is absolutely livid.
DING DING DING
Still wearing his holster, Simon quietly panics as the bell rings and the match begins, seeing the unmitigated fury in the eyes of STRONK GODSON. Sparrow decides to just go off with an all out attack, charging for STRONK like a bat out of hell, but eats a hell of a shoulder block from STRONK that lays him out flat on the canvas!
Joe Hoffman: Rough way to start this match. Simo– Jatt Starr is seeing double in the opening seconds of the contest.
Mike Best: Hey, you wanna play Waco Kid, you gotta be prepared to meet Mongo, brother.
STRONK shakes his head, reaching down and yanking the holster and belt completely off of Simon Sparrow and literally crushing the paintbull gun in his hand, with almost no effort. He then leans down to grab Sparrow by the head, apparently looking to do the same with his skull.
Joe Hoffman: LOW BLOW FROM STARR!
Sparrow crawls through Godson’s legs, nailing him directly in the testicles as he scampers under the bottom rope and out of the ring. STRONK drops to his knees, holding his groin as he tries to catch his breath.
Outside of the ring, Sparrow grabs the ladder.
Joe Hoffman: No wasted time by Jatt Starr here tonight. He knows that the more opportunities STRONK has to get his hands on him, the bleaker this one becomes.
Mike Best: What an adorable way to call him a little bitch.
STRONK gets up from his knees, taking a deep breath as he centers himself. He turns to see where Sparrow has run off to, now even angrier, but as he turns toward the ropes, he’s met with the solid CLANG of a ladder upside his skull! Simon smashes the steel into STRONK’s head, before tossing the ladder over the ropes and into the ring.
The crowd absolutely loving it, as Simon Sparrow rolls under the ropes and back into the ring. He quickly picks the ladder back up, carefully setting it back up in the center of the ring and beginning to climb.
Joe Hoffman: Jatt looking to grab that title early…
Mike Best: Yeah, most ladder matches end in just a couple of minutes. This is very smart and definitely not going to end in Jatt Starr being smashed like a freshman girl at a frat party.
Simon scampers up the ladder like the ring is on fire, but as he nears the top, it turns out that the CEO isn’t wrong. STRONK DADDY stands at his full girth, letting out a roar as he grabs hold of the ladder and literally lifts it up over his head. He swings the ladder forward toward the ropes with absolutely no regard for human life, forcing Sparrow to abandon ship before he can reach the title. Sparrow rolls as he lands, as the ladder bounces off the ropes and falls into the corner of the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Oh my GOD.
Mike Best: Yeah uh… that was scary as fuck.
Sparrow pops back up behind the champion, trying to put this one away as he sets the unsuspecting STRONK up for a Killswitch…
Joe Hoffman: ACE IN THE HOLE!
Mike Best: It’s called the FALLING FUCKING STARR and… NOPE!
Literally the LSD Champion just sandbags the shit out of Simon, refusing to be turned over for the finishing move. Instead, he picks Sparrow up and drops him straight on his fucking head, dumping him with a backdrop driver.
And then another.
And then ANOTHER.
Simon Sparrow now has CTE. This is just something that we all need to recognize and accept, as STRONK DADDY stands up from a third backdrop driver and casually looks up at his LSD Championship, sitting high above the ring. He nods his head quietly, walking over toward the ladder and setting it back up beneath the belt.
Mike Best: Thanks for playing, Jatt. Good game.
Joe Hoffman: …can… can we get someone to check on Jatt Starr, please?
With absolute minimal effort, STRONK steps up the first rung of the ladder, beaming up at his prize overhead. Simon Sparrow is on fucking dream street.
And then ANOTHER.
The ladder is looking to be in rough shape– the pure, unadulterated girth of STRONK DADDY is on full display as the ladder wobbles as he nears the top.
Joe Hoffman: I have to wonder if that ladder is OSHA regulated…
Mike Best: It’s safety tested up to three hundred pounds. What’s an extra 7.1?
Simon Sparrow rolls onto his back, staring up at the ladder and blinking slowly. The world is a cartoon, right now– the man is perhaps seeing actual STARRS. Even still, he begins to pull himself up, summoning every bit of fortitude that he has left.
But STRONK is still climbing.
It’s too late for Simon to stop it, despite his heroic effort. STRONK’s fingers slip against the plate of the belt, slick from baby oil and perspiration. He leans upward just enough to snatch the belt and–
Without warning, the rung of the ladder holding the bulk of STRONK’s weight snaps in two, collapsing his footing as he smashes his face on the top of the ladder, twisting up his ankle as well as it scrapes against the steel. The crowd audibly winces, as Simon Sparrow watches the LSD Champion falls down the ladder one rung at a time, nearing ground level.
Joe Hoffman: SEVEN POINT ONE POUNDS!
Mike Best: WHAT THE FUCK I WILL SUE THE SHIT OUT OF HOME DEPOT FOR THIS!
Taking a deep breath, Simon Sparrow waits until the moment that Stronk’s awkwardly balanced legs hit the ground before taking off in a full sprint. It takes every ounce of soul that he has, but the STARRLITE EXPRESS comes chugging into town and smashes into the staggered STRONK with the force of almost twenty years in the HOW Hall of Fame!
The spear takes both men to the ground, but Sparrow has the adrenaline rush now– he quickly scrambles to his feet, literally using STRONK as a stepladder to hop up onto the ladder. He carefully avoids the broken rung, launching himself full force toward the top of the ladder and grabbing hold of the LSD Championship! He’s trying to get it free!
Joe Hoffman: SIMON SPARROW HAS THE BELT! HE’S SECONDS FROM VICTORY!
Mike Best: GODDAMNIT HIS NAME IS JATT FUCKING STARR AND GET THE FUCK UP STRONK! GET THE FUCK UP! GET THE FUCK UP!
As if on cue, STRONK DADDY pulls himself up from the canvas, grabbing hold of the ladder and trying to shake Simon off of it like he’s forcibly removing apples from a tree. The ladder comes tipping over, taking Simon Sparrow down with it…
Joe Hoffman: BUT HE HAS THE TITLE! SPARROW HAS THE TITLE!
Mike Best: NO! NO! FUUUUUUCK! NOOOOOO!
As soon as the belt comes loose from the hook, Simon Sparrow falls out of the sky as though Icarus had been caught flying too close to the sun. He clutches the belt to his chest as he hits the ground, the wind escaping him as he stares up at the lights.
DING DING DING
STRONK looks angry, and hurt, and confused as he slowly realizes what just happened. He grabs the ladder, picking it up over his head and launching it ringside, narrowly avoiding Wabid Wabbit in the process. On the other side of the apron, Shelley Greene is finally coming to, having no idea what just happened as he feels the drying paint on his face.
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner, and NEWWWWWW HOW LSD CHAAAAMPION…. JATT…. STAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!
Still laying in a pool of his own surprise and sweat, Simon Sparrow looks up at Bryan weakly, telling him that his name is Simon Sparrow. He clutches the title harder to his chest, now becoming LSD Champion for the second time this era.
HOW Chaos rolls on as we get another shot of the new LSD Champion grasping the belt tightly.
With that wild LSD Championship match between STRONK Godson and Sir Simon Sparrow concluded, we cut to a pre-recorded video being shown live on the High Octane Vision screen, the footage looking grainy and muted in its coloring as we see Xander Azula pacing back and forth in what appears to be a war room, his Eternal Circle compatriots standing to attention in the background as the Head Disciple begins to speak.
Xander Azula: High Octane Wrestling, a company filled to the brim with talent. The best of the best gather to determine who is worthy to be called a champion…a Hall of Famer…a legend.
He raises a hand, cutting himself off to pivot on this last statement.
Xander Azula: But, all the accomplishments and accolades can crumble underneath the weight of one’s ego. Some of the so-called greats in this business have been exposed for drinking their own Kool-Aid, if you will…and the results are devastating.
The point Xander makes is accentuated by intercut footage of his recent HOFC fights, most notably his bouts against Brian Hollywood and Scott Stevens.
Xander Azula: Whether you’re a Hall of Famer or one in the making, one thing is for sure…when you step into the cage with Xander Azula, you step into the cage with a beast.
With that statement we cut to a shot of an empty HOFC cage, with Xander speaking in the background.
Xander Azula: Who will be the next to step up to the chaos that awaits them in HOFC? Who will try to endure the unsanctioned violence of a man walking the path?
We cut back to a now smirking Azula, his fellow disciples standing much closer and matching his expression as he speaks once more.
Xander Azula: Come one, come all, at Dead or Alive…and we will see if you can survive.
Xander’s followers chant “Hail Eris, hail Discordia” as the video cuts to black.
With the video over we cut live to Blaire Moise backstage.
Blaire Moise: I just want to get a word here with Joe Bergman before he goes to the ring tonight. Joe?
Bergman steps into the shot. He’s accompanied by Sunny O’Callahan who once again rocks the spaghetti strap top and jeans like a background singer from a late 70’s Southern rock band- complete with bottle of Southern Comfort in her hand.
Joe Bergman: Blaire.
Blaire Moise: Joe, it looks like you’ve got some friends backstage with you.
Joe Bergman: That’s correct. As you know, St. Louis is the headquarters for Missouri Valley Wrestling and you can see MVW shows on HOTv. I brought a few people down tonight to take in the atmosphere of a big time show.
Blaire Moise: I see.
The camera brings in the other people with Joe.
Joe Bergman: This guy…
He points to Adam Ellis who has a gold belt slung over his shoulder.
Joe Bergman: …Adam Ellis, you all know from earlier this year when he teamed with John Sektor to win the HOW Tag Team title earlier this year. Adam is the current Missouri Valley Wrestling Men’s Champion.
Joe then points to a statuesque 6 foot 2 female- 6 foot 5 tonight if you add on the three inch heels she’s wearing- next to Ellis. She also has a title belt slung over her shoulder.
Joe Bergman: This is Victoria McGill- the daughter of former HOW LSD champion Dawn McGill. Tori is the MVW Women’s champion.
Tori curtseys as Joe moves on to the next person- a female who’s wearing a baseball cap backwards and a t-shirt that says Galaxy Pizza.
Joe Bergman: Some of you may remember the “Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl” Tessa Martin back in the day when she wrestled at Dream.
Tess nods to Blaire with the Women’s Heartland title belt over her shoulder.
Joe Bergman: She is currently the MVW Women’s Heartland champion. And…
Joe points to another wrestler standing next to Tess.
Joe Bergman: …this is J.J. Bittinger… two-time MVW Men’s Champion. And last but not least, we’ve got the Kentucky Redneck Mafia over there.
Two large burly rednecks Cletus T. Johnson and Enos T. Johnson, accompanied by their cousin and former MMA prodigy Ginny Van Lear, nods towards Joe.
Blaire Moise: Well welcome and it’s nice to see all of you here at HOW’s show tonight. Real quick question Joe about tonight. You and Darin Zion have exchanged some harsh words back and forth the last couple weeks going into the tonight’s title match against Clay Byrd and Steve Harrison. Your thoughts on the match and can you co-exist with Darin Zion?
Joe Bergman: Blaire. It’s all up to Darin. I said this week that regardless of what I think about Lee Best booking Joe Bergman- a member of the Highwaymen- with Zion to face the tag team champions- The Highwaymen for the title…
Sunny O’Callahan: FREEBIRD RULES, BABY!
Joe Bergman: …which makes no sense because technically I’m already a tag team champion…but regardless of the booking, I promised I would put forth my best effort in order to win the match.
Blaire Moise: So after the words that were exchanged this week between you and Darin, is there any way you and Zion can work together to win tonight?
Joe Bergman: If Darin Zion- professional wrestler shows up tonight and leaves the circus at home, then we’re going to give it a shot and see what happens. If Darin Zion shows up talking about 4Z and that other nonsense, there’s going to be a big problem and Darin’s going to be in for a long night-
There’s a commotion and some yelling off screen.
Darin Zion: OH! So my Bergie Wergie Bugle Boy from Company Z has time FOR THESE REDNECKS…I should have figured! Once again the Great Bergermeister doesn’t have time for LOVE.
Zion turns his attention to J.J. Bittinger and smirks. He then points at all the MVW talent before belittling them.
Darin Zion: Bergman shouldn’t have ANY TIME for any of you. I beat you all. I WAS YOUR CHAMPION! I’m better than you all. What’s about to happen…doesn’t concern you Deep Fried Missouri hicks. But I’m a benevolent man…I’ll give you the PRIVILEGE to witness a strong man setting boundaries.
Zion barges in and shoves Blaire to the side to square up with Bergman.
Darin Zion: Let’s get one thing straight, Bergalious. I don’t care that you’re a two-time former HOW World Champion. I’m a future 4-time HOW Tag Team Champion. The 4Z Network is the SHERIFF of this team. It’s a different world from singles action. If I was teaming with Mike Best himself…these are the same damn boundaries I’d establish. I’ve carried too much deadweight on my back for the last 17 years of my career. These are our ground rules tonight.
No reaction from Joe Bergman as Zion gets right up in his face.
Darin Zion: Don’t get in the way of the LOVE CONVOY, period. We’re not reliving the Cecilworth bullshit here again. You stay out of my way. I’ll stay out of yours. If this is a so-called ‘chore’ for you to handle. DEAL WITH IT. It’s the job you’ve been given tonight. Don’t tell me how to do my job. I won’t do it to you. This ‘circus bullshit’ comes with teaming with me. But you’re damn right I’m going down to that right to fight. The Master of Wi-Zi Connections wants gold. I don’t need to EARN YOUR RESPECT. You go to that ring tonight and EARN MINE. Then maybe we’ll talk more…
Joe Bergman rolls his eyes and crosses his arms against his chest.
Darin Zion: Don’t give me that Outlaw Attitude, bro. I’m fuckin’ serious. Last week you stole money off Z-Mobile’s books. I won’t allow your little friendship with that bullshit Woody’s Roundup crew to get in between The Love Convoy’s conquest for gold. You watch MY back tonight…not theirs.
No reaction from Joe. Zion waves his hands in front of Joe Bergman’s face.
Darin Zion: YO! Earth to Berg Brain…you getting this? I don’t see you writing any of the Love Guru’s teaching down in your fuckin’ notebook. Commit yourself to this. Harden that fuckin’ heart of yours right now. DO IT! Embrace the teachings of the Love Convoy. GAIN SOME SELF-RESPECT. Because that’s what’ll consummate this tag team partnership…brother.
Zion pulls Bergman in for a hug with force. This doesn’t shake Bergman. Joe Bergman stares a hole straight into Zion’s soul.
Darin Zion: Tonight, if you stop doubting; we’ll betroth our waists with tag team gold. But if you’d rather protect those morons you call friends. Well… I promise you Bergie…I’ll smash that smug look straight off your face. I’ll leave you in a pool of your own blood and shit. And I’ll still walk out of St. Louis winning those Tag Team belts…IN SPITE OF YOU. It don’t matter to me how I do it. I’m gonna do it. It’s your choice to make. LOVE CONVOY or Cosplay Cowboys. One gets more ladies…the other well…is a sad, pathetic virgin. Your choice, buddy!
Zion delivers a two-handed shove to Bergman as his final shot across the bow. Then he storms off.
Joe mouths ‘what the fuck?’ and just shakes his head and the MVW guests wonder what the hell just happened.
Adam Ellis: What an asshole.
Victoria McGill: I’m not surprised. He acted like a complete jerk when he was at MVW too.
Blaire hears a growl. She guesses it came from either Cletus or Enos in the back and decides it’s time to move on.
Blaire Moise: All right, we’ll be back with more after this commercial break.
Back live and “Dad Vibes” begins to play throughout the arena and suddenly the HOV comes to life with the word MERCDAD displayed on the dead center of the screen. The crowd gives a mixed reaction as Steve Solex steps out from behind the curtain. Dressed in his MERCDAD get up, sans the scarf, Solex makes his way down the ramp with a microphone in hand. Solex doesn’t seem to have his usual intensity as he gives a few fans some high fives before climbing up the steps and entering the ring through the middle rope. The music fades as he takes the center of the ring. The crowd goes quiet as he holds his hand up for silence. The crowd obliges, sensing something isn’t right. Solex begins to pace the ring, clearly going through the thoughts in his head.
Steve Solex: You may have noticed over the last couple of years that I’ve been acting a little…off. Let’s be real, I’ve been off my fuckin rocker man.
A mixture of laughs and cheers from the crowd makes Solex smirk a bit.
Steve Solex: From the #1 Dad, to the hyper aggressive war monger, all the way to (clears throat) … Shawn Kutter.
The crowd boos at the mention of Solex’s alter ego, Shawn Kutter.
Steve Solex: Bottom line here, there’s been some real fuckery going on with me and I’ve finally gotten the answer as to why.
The crowd goes silent.
Steve Solex: After War Games, and my … mission … in Ukraine, I had to go through a myriad of debriefs and redeployment physicals and it was…
He drops the microphone and paces the ring.
Steve Solex It was discovered…
He continues to pace the ring as his eyes well up with tears.
Steve Solex: It was discovered that I’ve got a brain tumor (points to his head with two fingers) right in the frontal fuckin’ lobe.
The crowd stays silent, and few fans in the front row over reacting with hands over their faces.
Steve Solex: Whether I’ve been fucked up in the head or not…which clearly…I was. I came out here each and every week and put it all on the line.
The crowd cheers, Solex smirks and holds a hand up
Steve Solex: But y’all know me, so don’t be shocked when I say this. If you know me, you’ll get it.
The crowd cheers.
Steve Solex: I didn’t do it for you, I didn’t do it for the boys in the back.
The crowd boos a bit, but most in attendance remain silent.
Steve Solex: I did that shit for me, and I loved every single minute of it!
He continues to pace the ring.
Steve Solex: The problem here, isn’t the brain tumor. I could give a fuck about that…Fuck cancer!
The crowd cheers.
Am I right?
The crowd cheers even louder.
Steve Solex: No, fuck that tumor. The real issue here is that doctors are wanting me out of wrestling. They’ve advised my family and I…Bottom line up front, they want me to retire. The doctors have told me that any kind of impact to the head could be fatal. “The next punch to the head could be your last,” is what I’ve been told by one of those pencil neck assholes last week. So what does any of this mean? Is this my last time in a wrestling ring? Is my rematch with Christopher America at Dead or Alive, dead in the water?
The crowd boos, and begins to chant…
RUN IT BACK! RUN IT BACK! RUN IT BACK!
Steve Solex: When it comes to the match Christopher America…fuck, starting to sound like Maury Povich in my old age.
Solex smiles as the gen-x audience gives him a laugh.
Steve Solex: The match with Christopher America and I is…
Joe Hoffman: What the…
A hooded man climbs over the barricade and slides in the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Christopher America is in the ring! The World Champion has Solex in his grasp!
Joe Hoffman: AMERICA FIRST! 2.0 EVEN!
America stands over Solex and unzips his dark gray hoodie, revealing the HOW Championship around his waist. He unbuckles the belt and holds it up high in the air to a chorus of boos from the St. Louis crowd.
Joe Hoffman: Steve Solex just revealed that he has a brain tumor and that his future is seemingly in jeopardy and the World Champion, without regard for Solex’s health, just flattened the MERCDAD in the middle of the ring!
America smiles big as he stares down at Solex, who’s not unconscious but definitely worse for wear. America wads a gob of spit in his mouth and launches it down right between Solex’s eyes. Solex jerks and rolls over to his stomach as he wipes the spit from his face. America is shocked that Solex moved after taking For America 2.0.
Joe Hoffman: Oh, come on! This is just too much! But Solex is showing signs of life!
“Remember the Name” by Fort Minor begins to play in the arena, but can’t drown out the overbearing jeers from the live audience. America, with a look of concern on his face, hits the mat and rolls under the bottom rope and out of the ring. The champion casually struts backward up the entrance ramp as Solex crawls over to the ropes, leaning on the bottom rope and staring daggers at Christopher America.
Steve Solex: Oh I can’t fuckin wait! It’s gonna take a lot more than that at Dead or Alive, bitch!
Drool and snot string from lip to lip as Solex screams out at the champion. America slings the championship over his shoulder and begins to run his hands across the strap and plates as he smiles big – yet still seemingly concerned – and waves at Solex as the scene fades to an unscheduled commercial break.
The Highwaymen vs. Zion and Bergman
Back live and we cut to ringside as our Hall of Famer commentator is ready for the Main Event.
Joe Hoffman: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen with this highly anticipated match.
Joe looks toward the camera.
Joe Hoffman: The Tag Team championships are up for grabs as the Highwaymen put it on the line against one of their own and a man trying to spread love throughout HOW!
Joe’s excitement may be getting the best of him……or he could be right.
Joe Hoffman: Can the Highwaymen retain or will there be dissension in the ranks when a member is possibly calling himself champion with an outsider?
As the image cuts to inside the Enterprise Center we see a sea of rabidness fans are ready for this match to begin.
Bryan McVay comes to center ring.
Bryan McVay: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight’s Main Event for CHAOS THREE! IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL!
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Bryan McVay: With a thirty minute time limit.
McVay looks towards the audience.
Bryan McVay: AND IT IS FOR THE HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD!
The fans in St. Louis go berserk as they await the wrestler’s entrances as the opening piano played by Billy Powell followed by the iconic guitar licks from Gary Rossington’s slide guitar from Lynyrd Skynyrd’s epic ‘Freebird’ blare out of the speakers.
Joe Hoffman: This can’t be a coincidence.
Seconds later, the lovely Sunny O’Callahan emerges from the back dressed in the fashion of a female background singer from a late seventies Southern rock band wearing a spaghetti strap top, a pair of jeans, heels, and her usually straight hair is all frizzed out and curly.
Sunny takes a swig from a bottle of Southern Comfort and sways on the stage as Ronnie Van Zant’s vocals come on over the sound system.
“If I leave here tomorrow… will you still remember me?”
Crowd: WE WANT JOE! WE WANT JOE! WE WANT JOE!
“For I must be traveling on now… ‘Cause there’s too many places I want to see…”
Joe Bergman comes out dressed as normal in a plain black robe over his wrestling trunks.
“But if I stayed here with you girl… Things just couldn’t be the same…”
Crowd: JOE! JOE! JOE!
“Cause I’m a free as a bird now… and this bird you cannot change…”
The crowd roars. Joe pumps his first in the air.
“And this bird you cannot change…”
With Sunny leading the way, she and Bergman start down the ramp towards the ring.
“And this bird you cannot change…”
Bergman slaps people’s hands along the way to the ring.
“And this bird you cannot change…”
Joe climbs up on the ring apron and opens a path for Sunny to climb into the ring. Then he leaps over the top rope and climbs up on the turnbuckle.
“Lord knows, I can’t change”
Looking out over the ropes with Sunny right by his side, Joe raises his arms in the air and a can of PBR in tribute to the ‘ordinary people’ in attendance tonight and, of course, Section 214.
Joe Hoffman: Joe Bergman. The ordinary man is the champion of the people here tonight……
Hoffman’s comments are interrupted by the sounds of a piano.
Joe Hoffman: What the…..
Even the music causes Bergman to look towards the entrance with a confused look as the lyrics begin.
“You should’ve seen by the look in my eyes bay-ba.”
Joe Hoffman: R.E.O. Speedwagon? Who the heck comes out to R.E.O Speedwagon much less this song?
The lights in the arena dim as red and pink lights turn on as the HOV shows pictures of hearts before two arms appear flexing with one of the arms saying….LOVE, and the other saying…..ADORAZION.
Joe Hoffman: Zion is really embracing the power of love.
As the image fades to center stage and the chorus kicks in we see a heart and as the camera zooms back we see Zion standing with his back to the camera before turning around to a mixed reaction smelling a rose.
Joe Hoffman: O….K…….
Zion takes a deep breath of his rose before making his march towards the ring as roses start falling from the ceiling.
Joe Hoffman: I’m sure this entrance set us back a couple months pay.
Zion stops midway and blows kisses to the fans and mouths thank you while patting his heart. As Zion reaching the end of the ramp he sees a cute, blonde girl and gives her his rose before running up the steps and going towards the center ring and making the symbol of love with his hands, a heart before heading to his corner.
Joe Hoffman: That was interesting to say the least.
“Take the Money and Run,” By The Steve Miller Band starts to play and the curtain flies open.
Joe Hoffman: And there is a man who is familiar with tag team gold.
Steve Harrison walks out with his arms in the air displaying the tag title proudly, a smirk across his face.
Joe Hoffman: Since joining HOW in 2019, Harrison is a three time champ…….hold on……I’m sorry folks someone is drunkenly yelling in my headset singing Freebird and something about riding coattails.
Harrison begins walking towards the rings and begins to pat the center plate of the belt towards the crowd who return his feat with waves with a mix of cheers, boos and indifference.
Joe Hoffman: Harrison the ultimate salesman knows how to rile up a crowd.
The smirk grows even bigger after hearing the response so the Miracle Man begins jawing back at some of the audience and pointing to himself yelling over and over “ME, ME, ME!.”
Crowd: ME! ME! ME! ME!
Steve walks faster to the ring and rolls under and once up the smirk is now a scowl as he awaits his partner.
Guitar and harmonica begin to blare through the arena, the start of “Gunning For You” by Nick Nolan sends a silence across the crowd as Nick Nolan’s lyrics echo through the arena. Red letters slash across the screen as “BYRD” is spelled out. Clay appears through fog on the entrance ramp, cowboy hat low over his eyes, a long black duster on and a championship in each hand.
Joe Hoffman: Byrd has been at odds with the Best Family for months and when Joe Bergman became the number one contender to challenge for the titles you know he was salivating to book this match as soon as possible.
Clay begins his slow walk down the ramp.
Joe Hoffman: Clay has can’t lose focus here tonight and let his frustration with Lee Best get the best of him or he will be one championship lighter.
His eyes are fixed on the ring, and he trudges on. Not paying any notice to any of the fans in attendance. Clay walks up the steps, and climbs into the ring as Bryan McVay makes his way to the center.
Bryan McVay looks to his left.
Bryan McVay: Ladies and gentlemen, the number one contenders and challengers. First…..From Plattin, Missouri and weighing in tonight at two hundred and fifteen pounds ……representing the Highwaymen…..“ORDINARY!” JOE! BERGGGGGG-MAN!
The crowd roars as Joe turns and acknowledges the crowd.
Bryan McVay: And his partner…..From Crown Point, Indiana and weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty pounds …… DARIN! ZIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOON!
The crowd boos as Darin pats his chest and mouths thank you to the audience.
McVay turns to his right.
Bryan McVay: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 540 pounds and representing the Highwaymen. They are the REIGNING! DEFENDING! UNDISPUTED! HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD! “THE MIRACLE! “ STEVE! HAAAAAIRRRRRRIIIISSSSSSSSSSSONN!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THE H-O-T-V CHAMPION, CLAY! BYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRD!
Clay and Harrison remain poised as Boettcher holds the Tag titles high up in the air before handing it to McVay as he exits.
Boettcher signals for the bell.
Joe Hoffman: And here we go.
Zion and Bergman argue about who is going to start the match when Harrison comes out of his corner and immediately goes after Zion causing Bergman to throw his hands up and step out onto the apron.
Joe Hoffman: It’s no secret that things have been testy between Bergman and Zion as of late.
Zion pushes him away, but Harrison puts the brakes on and goes right back after him causing Zion to take sanctuary between the ropes causing Boettcher to pull the tag champion back. Zion slaps the chest of Bergman before rolling out of the ring and screaming at him to go. Bergman shakes his head and enters the ring.
Joe Hoffman: This is going to be interesting.
Bergman extends his hand and Harrison slaps it as a sign of respect before the two begin to circle one another in the center of the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Respect shown between stablemates.
The two lock up and Harrison quickly overpowers Bergman and throws him to the mat.
Joe Hoffman: Harrison may not be the strongest man in the match, but he has about thirty more pounds on the former World champion.
Bergman gets to his feet and Harrison goes to lock up, but Ordinary Joe ducks underneath and grabs Harrison from behind and rides him to the mat and rolling towards his head to lock in a front chancery.
Joe Hoffman: Bergman’s mat skills are seriously underrated and because of that he surprises a lot of people.
Harrison gets up to all fours and Bergman tightens his grip around Harrison’s neck. Harrison begins to get up and as he does he’s delivering shots to Bergman’s stomach that sends the hometown hero back a little. Harrison continues the assault and once he feels Joe’s grip loosen he charges him into his corner and begins to ram his shoulder into the stomach of Bergman. Harrison rears back and drives his shoulder deep into Bergman causing him to crumple to the mat in a seated position. Harrison tags Byrd in and the two pick up Bergman and lift him high into the air.
Joe Hoffman: Vertical suplex.
Byrd and Harrison hold up Bergman for about twenty seconds before bringing him back down to earth. Byrd immediately goes for a cover.
Bergman gets the shoulder up and Clay immediately locks in a reverse chinlock to slow the pace.
Joe Hoffman: The Brute of the Highwaymen I’m sure would rather have his hands on Zion instead of Bergman.
Boettcher asks Bergman if he submits and the People’s Champion says no and when hearing that Clay begins to deliver crossfaces to each side of Bergman’s face drawing boos from the crowd.
Joe Hoffman: Clay showing no love for his stablemate as he rocks Bergman with each shot.
Byrd winds up and lets out a yell as he looks for the homerun, but Bergman ducks underneath the attempt and delivers a headbutt that rocks the double champion.
Joe Hoffman: WHAT A SHOT!
Joe hits the ropes and delivers a clothesline to Clay, but only staggers the champion. Bergman runs and hits the ropes again and somersaults forward and pops up with a leaping clothesline that staggers Clay a little further. Joe looks at the ropes and back towards Clay and back at the ropes again and takes off. Clay sees Joe coming and looks to deliver a clothesline himself, but Joe ducks underneath and when Clay turns around and eats the foot of a spinning heel kick.
Clay presses Bergman off of him.
Joe Hoffman: Clay displaying his strength and toughness kicking out at the count of one.
Bergman sprints at Clay, but Byrd snatches him and hits a snap powerslam.
Joe Hoffman: That was close! Even Zion thought so.
Zion steps back through the ropes as Clay tags back in Harrison.
Joe Hoffman: Bergman has to make the tag to Zion. He’s taking a lot of punishment.
Harrison makes his way over to Bergman. He reaches down to pick up his opponent but Joe shoves him away. As Harrison makes his way back towards Bergman, Joe leaps up and drives Harrison’s face into the mat.
Joe Hoffman: CUTTER! IS THIS THE TURNING POINT BERGMAN NEEDS TO TAG IN ZION?!?!?!?!?
With both men down, Boettcher has no choice but to start his count to ten.
Both men begin to stir.
Both men start to crawl towards their corner.
Harrison tags Clay.
Bergman tags Zion.
Clay and Zion meet each other center ring like a couple of bats from Hell and begin to deliver forearm shots to one another.
Joe Hoffman: Something has to give.
And it does as the bigger Clay begins to rock Zion who quickly rakes the eyes of the champion and drops him to the canvas with an enzuigiri. Zion follows the attack up with a running shotgun dropkick. Zion jumps up and delivers a stomp to the chest of Byrd before dropping down with his elbow across Byrd’s chest and his hand under his chin as he lays on the canvas blowing kisses to the audience.
Byrd kicks out.
Joe Hoffman: I don’t even know what to make of that.
Zion immediately pops up and starts putting the boots to Byrd. Zion grabs the champion’s leg and drives it into the mat and grapevines the leg.
Joe Hoffman: Leg bar by Zion. Will Byrd tap?
Boettcher asks the question and Byrd gives him his answer by flipping him off and then looks towards Zion giving him the double bird bringing a wide eyed look to Zion. Byrd begins to reach towards Zion’s feet to undo his grip, but Zion wrenches back on the hold bringing pain to knee area of Byrd. Zion transitions to the side and begins to hook the legs.
Joe Hoffman: What’s Zion have in mind?
Zion raises up and uses his free foot to push on the knee of Byrd.
Joe Hoffman: Don’t know if we can still call it this in today’s society, but Zion has locked in an Indian Deathlock.
Byrd yells out in pain and Boettcher asks the double champion if he wants to submit, but he flips him off.
Joe Hoffman: Byrd being defiant as ever.
Zion rises up and Clay writhes around in pain from the pressure.
Darin Zion: Love is pain Clay! Tap! There is no shame!
Joe Hoffman: Zion may be right. Clay may want to live and fight another day. Knee injuries are serious business in HOW. Ask Clay’s partner.
The pain causes Clay’s shoulders to hit the mat.
Clay sits up but he’s still in agony.
Clay gets his shoulders up once more.
Joe Hoffman: How much more can Clay Byrd endure?
Zion smelling the blood in the water gets to his feet while his and Byrd’s are locked together and moves back some before diving forward onto his belly.
Joe Hoffman: ZION HAS BYRD IN THE CENTER OF THE RING WITH NOWHERE TO GO!
Zion sensing the end is near begins blowing kisses to the audience and thanks them as Harrison looks on and beats on the turnbuckle which gets the crowd involved.
Joe Hoffman: Will Byrd tap?!?!?!?
The crowd seems to give Byrd new life as he lets out a primal scream and begins to crawl towards his corner.
Byrd inches closer.
Joe Hoffman: Is he going to make it to Harrison?
Byrd uses the last of his strength to bench press himself off of the canvas to make the tag to Harrison and the Miracle Man dives through the ropes and begins to unleash a barrage of rights and left to Zion.
Joe Hoffman: CLAY MADE THE TAG AND HARRISON IS LIGHTING UP ZION!
Boettcher does his best to separate Harrison from Zion so he can unlock Zion’s submission hold. Once unlocked, Harrison pushes Boettcher aside and makes his way towards Zion who drops him with a jumping DDT.
Boettcher looks at both men and begins his count.
Both men stir.
Both men are to all fours.
Both men are to a knee.
Zion with a right hand.
Harrison with a right of his own.
Joe Hoffman: Both men are to their feet and trading right hands.
Zion with a stiff looking thrust kick staggers Harrison and Darin immediately turns and jumps towards Bergman and tags him in to a thunderous applause. Bergman barrels through the ropes and attacks Harrison who is on the canvas holding his knee when all of a sudden the official begins to pull Joe off of Harrison.
Joe Hoffman: What’s this?
Joe and Boettcher get into a heated argument and Boettcher slaps his hands together and motions for Bergman to exit it the ring bringing a arena shaking chorus of boos as the camera shifts to Harrison who has a smirk on his face and points to his brain.
Joe Hoffman: Harrison showing his brilliance.
Zion not sure wants going on is arguing with Boettcher as Bergman exits the ring and the official tells him to get in his suddenly slingshotted in by Harrison.
Joe Hoffman: That’s one way to enter the ring.
Harrison enlightens Zion with a knee to the back of the head before picking him up and locking in the chickenwing.
Joe Hoffman: This could be it!
Harrison struggles to keep the grip as Zion fights with all of his might and makes it to the corner. Zion climbs up the turnbuckles and somersaults backwards onto Harrison.
Harrison kicks out.
Joe Hoffman: OH MY! THAT WAS CLOSE!
Zion immediately jumps up and hits a foot stomp driving out all of the air out of Harrison as he makes his way over to tag him Bergman and the arena goes berserk.
Joe Hoffman: What a thunderous ovation!
Harrison throws a clothesline, but Bergman ducks underneath and when Steve turns around meets a left hand from Bergman.
Harrison shakes the cobwebs and left of his own.
Joe with a right.
Harrison with a right.
The right hand from Harrison staggers Bergman, but the man of the people bounces off of the ropes and dazes Harrison with a Superman punch. Bergman continues the attack with a flurry of left jabs and every punch the crowd chants his name.
Joe Hoffman: BERGMAN IS WINDING UP!
Bergman throws a right hook sending Harrison to the mat.
Joe Hoffman: Harrison is down and Bergman senses the end is near.
Bergman looks out towards the crowd and points to the turnbuckle bringing the audience to their feet.
Joe Hoffman: Bergman can fly.
Joe rushes up the turnbuckle, but before he can fly, Zion tags himself in to a hearty round of jeers.
Joe Hoffman: What is Zion doing?
Joe asks him the same thing and Zion says he has this as Bergman shakes his head and drops to the apron. Zion picks up Harrison and whips him to the ropes as the ref slaps his hands and on the rebound Zion doubles over Harrison with a boot to the midsection before showing him some Tough Love.
Joe Hoffman: Zion spiking Harrison! This has to be it.
Zion shoots the half and hooks a leg but Boettcher doesn’t count and Zion will soon see why as Clay Byrd’s meaty arm comes in out of nowhere and decapitates him and sends his head flying off into the multiverse.
Joe Hoffman: HOLY COW WHAT A TEXAS LARIAT!
Before Bergman knows what happened, Clay spears him off of the apron and scrambles back to cover Zion.
Bryan McVay: And your winners by pinfall…..AND STILL! HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD! “THE MIRACLE! “ STEVE! HAAAAAIRRRRRRIIIISSSSSSSSSSSONN!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THE H-O-T-V CHAMPION, CLAY! BYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRD! THE HIGHWAAAAAYYYYYYY MEEEEEENNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!
Clay gets to his feet and pulls Harrison up as Boettcher hands them their championships.
Joe Hoffman: The Highwaymen retain the tag team titles but Darin Zion and Joe Bergman did not make it at all easy for the champions.
As Byrd and Harrison congratulate each other, Bergman catches their eye and there’s a respectful nod from winners of the match to their fellow Highwayman.
Joe Hoffman: Joe Bergman said he would give his best effort here tonight and that’s what he did. I also thought Darin Zion had a really good match but in the end, the cohesiveness of Byrd and Harrison win out in the end.
Zion gets back to a seated position. Bergman walks over to Darin. He reaches out and offers him a hand up.
Joe Hoffman: That’s going to wrap up tonight’s show. Next week, we will be in…
Darin Zion: WHERE WERE YOU?
Joe Hoffman: …wait a second.
But he offers him a hand again.
Again, Darin does not accept.
Darin Zion: NO! WHERE WERE YOU?
Joe Hoffman: Zion is incensed. He’s really upset over what just happened.
Joe says something to Zion and extends his hand a third time.
Joe Hoffman: Zion just slapped Joe Bergman’s hand away!
Darin Zion: WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?
Shaking his head, Bergman gives out a dismissive ‘fuck this’ hand gesture and goes to exit the ring. Byrd and Harrison are already on the ramp headed to the back.
Joe Hoffman: Bergman walks away from Zion to defuse the situation. Well, given the pointed, harsh words the flew back and forth between Darin Zion and Joe Bergman this week, this wasn’t that much of a surprise-
The crowd reacts when Zion jumps up to his feet and decks Bergman with a forearm shot to the back of the neck.
Joe Hoffman: BERGMAN’S DOWN! DARIN ZION JUST ATTACKED JOE BERGMAN!
Halfway up the ramp, Byrd and Harrison spin around and see what’s happening.
Joe Hoffman: Zion is stomping the hell out of him and… WAIT!
Byrd and Harrison start back down the ramp…
Joe Hoffman: ADAM ELLIS IN THE RING!
…but before the two Highwaymen can get there to help, Ellis yanks Zion back and shoves him face first into the turnbuckle.
Joe Hoffman: The entire MVW contingent just jumped over the barricade and they’re in the ring!
Zion whirls around fists clenched at the ready. Who does he see first? The youngest member of the group, 19 year old former MMA prodigy ‘Cousin’ Ginny Van Lear of the Kentucky Redneck Mafia. Zion rolls his eyes. He doesn’t think much of the diminutive young lady in the ring daring Zion to ‘bring it on.’
Then his jaw drops.
Joe Hoffman: Zion realized just who else is in the ring.
He also now sees Ellis…
…and J.J. Bittinger…
…and Victoria McGill…
…The Kentucky Redneck Mafia’s Cletus T. Johnson and Enos T. Johnson…
…and the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin.
Zion shakes his head no and drops down to slide out of the ring. But he does not exit the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Nope.
Clay Byrd and Steve Harrison are five feet from the ring and closing fast.
Joe Hoffman: He’s not going that way either.
Darin reverses course. Shoving Van Lear down before she can react, he blows by the other MVW wrestlers in the ring and baseball slides out of the ring on the opposite side of the Highwaymen who are in hot pursuit of him. With Byrd and Harrison racing around the ring, Zion hops the rail into the crowd and begins racing thru the crowd.
Back in the ring we see Bergman getting helped up by Adam Ellis and J.J. Bittinger.
The men are surrounded by the MVW wrestlers and we get a final shot of Bergman and his fellow Highwaymen sharing a nod as we cut to bla-……
For the second week in a row Lee Best’s music hits the PA system and the GOD of HOW makes his way out from the back.
This week he is not alone however.
This week he is flanked on both sides by the EPU.
Joe Hoffman: Well folks as you can see…..Lee Best is taking NO chances here tonight.
As the camera zooms in on the Lee’s face we can see he is still sporting a large bruise from the chair shot delivered to him from HOW Hall of Famer and his Dead or Alive opponent…Chris Kostoff……..last week to end Chaos 002.
Joe Hoffman: What was old is new again as Lee obviously has taken the clippers to the head and is sporting his old bald look. Clearly the first haircut he has had since coming out of his coma earlier this year.
Undead slowly fades out and the cameras focus in on Lee who this time has stopped halfway down the entrance ramp. The EPU agents focus on the fans on either side of the entrance ramp and it is clear that Lee has put distance between himself and WHATEVER direction Kostoff would come from.
Joe Hoffman: Lee is clearly paranoid here and I cannot blame him….I just hope he got a good look at all those agents before they put their masks on!!!
The crowd, booing loudly already, begins to boo even louder as the Chicago native just smiles and takes it all in.
Joe Hoffman: Polar opposite reaction for Lee here. We are NOT in Chicago anymore and let’s be honest….Saint Louis HATES Chicago and vice versa.
Joe’s point is driven home as the crowd gets even louder as Lee pulls a microphone out from his back pocket and slowly raises it to his mouth.
But the sheer force of the booing keeps him from speaking.
The smirk on his face turns into a full fledge smile and then a good chuckle as he looks out at the crowd and motions for them to quiet down.
The reaction he gets by that is as predictable as someone named Mitch quitting as soon as you tell him to Draw Four in Uno.
Joe Hoffman: Folks it is deafening in here…..I do not even know if you can hear me thru my headset….wow…this crowd has been DYING to boo this man.
The amusement that Lee initially had over this reaction slowly turns into anger as he sees the Highwaymen and the MVW wrestlers that are now standing together in the ring are legit laughing as for once Lee cannot get a word in.
Lee rises the microphone again and this time, almost impossibly, the crowd gets even LOUDER.
This time they are not booing.
They are cheering.
The cheers are deafening.
Joe Hoffman: HOLY SHIT!!!!
Lee, looking thoroughly confused now, never sees it coming.
Or should we say…never saw HIM coming.
The cameras capture the EPU agent behind and to the left standing with his mask at his feet.
The agent….yep you guessed it…..Chris Kostoff.
Kostoff blasts the EPU agents next to him, knocking them all out with his EPU certified taser.
The ones in front of him never turn around due to the deafening crowd noise.
They only turn as they catch Kostoff spinning Lee around and picking up the GOD of HOW high up in the air.
The last four agents turn back the crowd just as Kostoff slams Lee down hard on the entrance ramp with his No Remorse powerbomb.
We see that the four agents stand no chance as several dozen fans jump the ring side barricades and tackle them.
Several fans take some heavy blows from the EPU agents but the numbers are simply too much.
Chaos literally comes to a close with Kostoff standing in the middle of literal Chaos and looking down at a broken Lee as the Highwaymen and the MVW hometown heroes look on smiling.