Chaos in America presents….
  • Event Type: ppv

Chaos in America presents….

Event Date: April 2, 2023 at 10:00 pm

Table of Contents:

Pretty in 97Red

The camera fades in from black to show a set of large metallic doors. White and blue streamers and balloons decorate and adorn either side of the doors. Hundreds of individual lights rotate around the room. Indiscernible romantic music plays as the double doors to the room clang open. Walking into the room, flanked by Evan Ward, Dan Ryan, Steve Solex, STRonk Godson, and Jatt Starr is Christopher America, HOW World Champion.

Wearing America shades and an American flag tuxedo, America takes a few steps inside, stops and begins to slowly look around the room. Hanging from his arm is Christopher America’s date. Her jewelry is shimmering under the dancing lights. Her full bodied red dress naturally draws the eyes of those around the room. The HOW World Championship has never looked better.

Jatt Starr, Hall of Famer, former World Champion, and the epitome of fashion is decked out in a pink tuxedo with a ruffled shirt and a Mugatu original piano tie. Over that is his Final Alliance letter jacket. His new, yet confused as to why they are attending a prom, wife (and Conor Fuse’s mother) hangs on his arm like a blonde trophy – stunning in her red sequined cocktail dress, but not so stunning that she outshines Christopher America’s date.

Steve Solex, Hall of Famer, #1 ranked wrestler in HOW, and the Last Man in Wrestling is rocking black boots, black cargo pants, a black duster, and his Final Alliance letter jacket over that. Every female teacher practically becoming pregnant at the sight of him.

Dan Ryan, current HOTv and Tag Team Champion, and the Hammer of God is dressed to the nines in a white shirt, black pants, black dress shoes, dark sunglasses, black dress tie, and a Final Alliance letter jacket. The geeky kid next to him pees himself at the sheer sight and size of Ryan’s impressive frame.

STRonk Godson, King of Stallions and living reincarnation of Adonis, is practically nude, wearing only tuxedo briefs, a tuxedo collar and bow tie, tuxedo cuffs and cuff links, and a Final Alliance letter jacket. Several of the art students leave their dates to grab something to sketch with and sketch on, as they are instantly inspired by this specimen of a man.

Evan Ward, Hall of Famer and self proclaimed “best friend” of Christopher America, is wearing some well-worn sweatpants, a t-shirt that reads “Best Friends Forever” with a picture underneath showing Ward and America beating up Brian Hollywood. Over all of that is the Final Alliance letter jacket.

Evan Ward: We’re here!

A few girls rush over and grab his hands, asking if he’s from “like England or something” with his cool accent. Ward looks down at the 18 year olds.

Evan Ward: Yes… yes I fucking am.

The camera then begins to rotate, turning it’s focus from the power couple of HOW to look at the room that the members of the Final Alliance have walked into.

Having stopped to gawk and glare at the men who’ve entered are nearly a hundred high school students enjoying that special time of the year. The time of the year when love begins to truly blossom. The time of the year when your acne is in full bloom. The time of the year when the girls truly develop and guys start to feel things in places they’ve only felt before watching low grade anime from Japan. The time of the year when egos are boosted, feelings are hurt, and the true pettiness of humanity is celebrated.

The Prom.

Almost immediately, an adult male, about 50 pounds overweight, chest and stomach crammed too tightly into the dress shirt he bought three years, runs over to confront the men. The man is Mr. Peterson, Geometry and Statistics teacher for the high school.

Almost instinctively, Steve Solex grabs the man by the inside of the arm, spins him around, and begins walking him towards the punch table. The camera follows the two men.

Mr. Peterson: Wha—what are you doing here? You…

Steve Solex: Relax, snowflake, we’re the chaperones for the party. We’re here to make sure no CHAOS happens tonight.

Mr. Peterson: Ch—Chaos? But the school never said anything about hiring an outside company.

Solex continues walking Mr. Peterson over to a chair and practically shoves him down into the seat.

Steve Solex: Don’t worry! We’ll keep the NERDS from doing anything that might jeopardize the school, I promise.

Slowly, young couples begin to resume their dancing while others seated at tables continue their conversations.

The camera cuts back to Christopher America and the other members of the Final Alliance. As they make their way towards the refreshments table, Dan Ryan frowns. He excuses himself from the other members and makes his way towards the dance floor.

The camera now follows Dan Ryan as he begins to patrol the dance floor. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots a young man dancing closely with his date. Seeing the young man’s hands slowly fall from the middle back of his date to just above her backside, Dan moves in. He quickly pries the young man’s hand off of his date, squeezes it hard and moves it to her side. He then grabs the young couple by the shoulders and forces them apart. Their arms now completely straight and a large gap in between them.

Dan Ryan: Maintain the proper distance or you’re out of here. Got it?

The young couple look at Dan completely bewildered.

The Hammer of God points to the open space between the couple and looks at each of them intently.

Dan Ryan: Always maintain the proper distance. This is a Christian school! You make room for Jesus! Got it?!?

He practically barks it at the young couple who nod furiously this time. Dan lowers his head as his sunglasses fall ever so slightly, allowing him to peer over them and watch the couple as they move away. Over on the other side of the dance floor, a teen girl is grinding against another teen girl and Dan immediately makes a bee line for them.

As he approaches, the girls continue, unaware of the righteous Christian fury about to confront them. From inside his black and red Final Alliance jacket, Dan pulls out a used bottle of water. On the outside is a large piece of masking tape with the words “HOLY WATER” written in black sharpie. He unscrews the lid, holds up the bottle and begins making a chopping motion. Water from inside the bottle begins to douse the teens who immediately stop and stand upright.

Dan Ryan: The power of Christ compels you! Jesus didn’t pop, lock, and drop it at the last supper and he isn’t about to let you twerk here!

He immediately goes over and keeps the girls at least two feet apart and shows them the proper way to dance.

The camera cuts to STRonk Godson, followed closely by DOG.

STRonk walks over to a couple that are standing by the refreshments table ladling out fruit punch. He leans in from behind and sniffs the neck of the girl, which catches her date’s attention.

The girl’s date turns to confront STRonk, but upon seeing the size of him, opts to keep his stupid mouth shut.

STRonk Godson: THiS FEmale huMan IS oVulATINg. REMEmber to UTILizE proTECTion.

Ever since Abdullah Choi injected him with the super secret steroidal concoction that’s allowed him to regain a lot of his muscle mass at a rate that shouldn’t be humanly possible, STRonk’s sense of smell has been exceptionally heightened.

STRonk stuffs a handful of (expired) Magnum condoms into the pocket of the guy’s tuxedo, while DOG discreetly takes a piss on the girl’s ruby red shoes.

STRonk sees the girl’s disgust in her scrunched-up face.

STRonk Godson: IT is oKAY. It meANS DOG likes YOu. GOOD bye.

As STRonk begins walking towards the punch bowl, Mrs. Plank, the school’s music teacher walks out from behind the refreshment table with a roll of paper towels as she and the girl’s boyfriend begin cleaning up the dog urine while the young girl sobs.

With the teacher distracted, STRonk opens his Alliance jacket and pulls out a bottle of liquid Stronkumms, emptying the entire bottle into the punch. The normally light pink punch takes on a dark red tinge from the liquified meat drink. STRonk quickly stirs the punch bowl and then walks away.

Jatt Starr walks over to the punch bowl and pours himself a cup, having not seen STRonk doctor the punch. He takes a giant swig and grimaces. He looks down at his punch, shrugs his shoulders, and downs the whole thing. He turns to the table and downs another. And another. He sets the cup down and turns towards the stage as the music dies down. Solex has made his way there already and shoves the DJ out of the way.

He then pulls out a chair and sits it next to the DJ table. Solex motions with his hands as DOG hops onto the chair and begins controlling the music. Starr, feeling confident, walks on shaky legs towards the stage. As he staggers forward, he tells dog to play one of his favorite songs.

Obliging him, DOG puts on a familiar tune. Drunk and sweaty from the Stronkumms spiked punch, Jatt leans into the microphone and begins singing.




The camera cuts to Evan Ward, who is approached by Dan Ryan.

Evan Ward: He realizes there are other words to that song, right?

Dan Ryan: I don’t think so. I also don’t think he realizes that DOG is playing Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty and not The Spice Girls.

Dan quickly looks off into the distance and sees another couple getting too close.

Dan Ryan: If you’ll excuse me, I see some idle hands fumbling for second base!

The camera stays, however, on Evan Ward who has remained at the entrance this whole time. He begins kicking and striking at the balloon sculptures. Muffled under the volume of the loud music, balloons begin popping as Ward grows more and more angry and more and more violent.

He takes down the entrance arch and drops an elbow in some streamers, Ric Flair style. Growing frustrated, Ward looks in America’s direction and yells.

Evan Ward: THIS GYM EQUIPMENT SUCKS! Where’s the barbells? I’m not lifting that fucking fat kid in the corner!

Ward turns his attention and sees a scrawny kid wearing large glasses and a set of braces.

Evan Ward: Hey! You! YEAH, YOU! Get on the table! I wanna try a moonsault!

Ward goes over and begins berating the kid.

The camera cuts back to Jatt who has stopped singing and begins looking at his hand as if he is deeply disturbed.

Jatt Starr: NATALIE!

Jatt begins calling for Conor Fuse’s mother.


A shy girl raises her hand and Jatt stumbles off stage. A different teacher, Mr. Tyson, who was in charge of Physical Education, came over and put his hand on Natalie’s shoulder, perhaps he’s a touchy feely sort of chap or maybe he’s a perv that gets off on touching women’s shoulders or maybe that’s how he innocently greets ridiculously hot women married to Hall of Famers.


Mr. Tyson begins to turn around and without missing a beat, Jatt decks the man hard in the face.


Jatt continues staggering towards Natalie, with his arms out.

Jatt Starr: I stopped the bully! Let’s kiss!

Natalie: Oh my God! That was so hot!

Natalie grabs Jatt Starr by the collar, pulls him in and they begin to sloppily kiss each other. She pushes him away.

Natalie: I want you to unzip your McFly and show me your “thrust capacitor”. Now.

Jatt’s eyes widen and he cocks an eyebrow before Natalie proceeds to drag him away. As he passes by Dan Ryan, the Ruler of Jattlantis makes a grand declaration.


The camera cuts back to Steve Solex who has made his way over to a couple of wallflowers, specifically three boys. Wearing ill-fitting tuxedos with shirts too tight over fat guts, pants too short because of growth spurts, and no actual fashion sense, the three boys could only be described as NERDS.

Steve Solex: Boys, where are your dates?

The tallest boy, breathing heavily despite having done no actual physical work, looks up at The Last Man In Wrestling.

Nerd 1: We didn’t….(heavy breath)… bring any.

Nerd 2: Yeah, no girls wanted to be seen with us.

Steve Solex: Let me guess, you asked them to the prom.

Nerd 3: Well… yeah.

Steve Solex: That’s the problem right there. You don’t ask women. You tell them. You march up to them and let them know that they’re coming with you, they’re gonna enjoy the food, they’re gonna enjoy a nice pounding beforehand, and then the glow from the after-sex will make them look hot as fuck. That’s how you fuckin’ do it!

The three nerds just stare at the MERCDAD as he waves a black gloved finger in each of their faces.

Nerd 1: (heavy breath) We could never do that.

Steve Solex: Well of course you couldn’t, you fat fuck.

Solex points down at the gym floor as his eyes begin to rage with intensity.

Steve Solex: Drop and give me five for squakin’ back like I’m your MSNBC watching, environment loving, piece of shit dad.

The nerd trembles wildly, but doesn’t move.

Steve Solex: DO IT!

The nerd jumps at Solex’s order and slowly starts to get on to his hands and feet.

He struggles hard to push himself up.

Steve Solex: Count with me, tubby! 0! 0! 0! 0! Come on! You haven’t even lifted that fat ass an inch off the ground!

Solex walks over and presses his foot into the back of the nerd’s head, grinding his pimple covered, greasy forehead into the gym floor.

Steve Solex: 0! 0! Still 0! My God, you’re fucking hopeless!

Solex pushes his boot down harder, causing the little fatty to squeal.

Nerd 2: Hey! Get off of him!

Nerd 3 tries to shove Solex but his weak muscles don’t move the rock hard, conditioned body of the Alpha Male. Nerd 3 takes a step back and goes to swing at Solex, but the MERCDAD just puts his hand on top of the nerd’s head as he swings away, hitting nothing but air as he is several inches short of hitting Solex.

Steve Solex: Try again, fatty! 0! 0! 0! God… fucking NERDS!

Meanwhile, in the parking lot, there is a Volkswagen bus with “STARR LITE EXPRESS” spray painted in tie dye colors on the side and it’s a-rockin’ which means don’t come a-knockin’. Unfortunately, a couple of horny teens who would have been huge “Porky’s” fans want to get a glimpse of some boob.

Giggling and chortling, they approach the van. The speakers are turned up to eleven and Kay Kyser’s “Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition” is playing. The school chums, phones in hand, ready to video the debauchery within, sneak to the side. The shorter one opens the door……

George, Christopher America’s winged companion (sporting an eagle sized letterman’s jacket) is in the midst of an eagle mating ritual, banging another bald eagle as two other eagles, one of which sports a bright pink leopard print haltertop, snort crushed up birdseed laced with ecstasy.

The disruption of this National Geographic moment is met with rage as the drugged up and possibly aroused eagles screech and proceed to attack the two high schoolers as George slaps the female bird whom he is banging with his wing.

As the teens run screaming from the eagle attack, the camera cuts to the dance floor as Christopher America and the HOW World Championship make their way out. Couples on the dance floor stop and stare at the wrestler with his gorgeous date.

The music played by DOG shifts as “It’s Your Love” by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill begins to play. DOG presses a few buttons on his table and the lights in the gym dim and a lone spotlight highlights the World Champion.

The Flag Man puts one hand on one side of the strap and the other behind the large metal face plate. The camera blurs for a moment and then clears up.


We see what Christopher America sees.

A woman, brunette, slender, drop dead gorgeous, in a 97 Red dress. She has stunning eyes that shift in hues and colors that match the jewels on the outside of the championship. Around her finger is a Diamond, the same one America put on the socket in the back of the belt.

Dancing in the dark

Middle of the night

Taking your heart

And holding it tight

Christopher America: Thank you for coming out tonight. You look absolutely stunning.

The woman smiles and blushes.

Emotional touch

Touching my skin

And askin’ you to do

What you’ve been doing

All over again

Christopher America: I’ve had a great time tonight. I hope you have too.

The woman silently nods.

Oh, it’s a beautiful thing

Don’t think I can keep it all in

I just gotta let you know

What it is that won’t let me go

Christopher America: Stay with me and I’ll make you feel like this forever.

It’s your love

It just does something to me

It sends a shock right through me

I can’t get enough

The woman leans in close and rests her head on America’s upper chest. America dips his hand, slowly moving it from her upper back to the small of her back.

And if you wonder

About the spell I’m under

Oh it’s your love

A couple of students run over to Dan Ryan and point to the World Champion, showing he isn’t making room for Jesus. Ryan merely shrugs and continues serving the Stronkumms spiked punch.

Better than I was

More than I am

And all of this happened

By taking your hand

Christopher America: War Games is coming. And I want you to know that I will give you everything I have. You already have my heart. And my soul. Everything else… it’s yours too.

And who I am now

Is who I wanted to be

And now that we’re together

I’m stronger than ever, I’m happy and free

America snuggles in close to the woman. He places her hands around his neck and the two dance closer than ever, losing themselves in each other’s eyes.

Oh, it’s a beautiful thing

Don’t think I can keep it all in (oh oh)

And if you ask me why I’ve changed

All I gotta do is say your sweet name

Two becoming one. Sharing each other. Being with each other.

It’s your love

It just does something to me

It sends a shock right through me

I can’t get enough

And if you wonder

About the spell I’m under

Oh it’s your love

America puts his hand under the woman’s chin, lifts it slightly as she goes on to her tiptoes and the two share a deep kiss.

(Woah oh baby)

(Oh, oh, oh)

Oh, it’s a beautiful thing

Don’t think I can keep it all in

I just gotta let you know

What it is that won’t let me go

It’s your love

It just does something to me

It sends a shock right through me

I can’t get enough

(Oh) And if you wonder

About the spell I’m under

Oh it’s your love

It’s your love

It’s your love

The camera blurs and we resume with reality as teachers, students, and members of the Alliance are shocked, horrified, and bewildered at a man kissing a championship, that he has fastened around his neck. STRonk instinctively puts his large hand over DOG’s eyes.

The lights come back on and America breaks his kiss with the title.


Everyone turns to look as Evan Ward is somewhat slow to get up. Underneath him is a high school student lying amidst a pile of wooden debris.

Evan Ward: Taken like a true champ, felt I was a little tight on the rotation, but looks like your chest still broke my fall. Okay, clean yourself up and we’ll reset.

A group of teachers begin moving towards Evan Ward’s position to check on the student. One of the teachers, Mrs. Baumert, the sophomore homeroom teacher, has seen enough and pulls out her cell phone.

Mrs. Baumert: You there! Stay right where you are! What did you do to this student?!?

Evan Ward: We were training and he tripped and fell into the table! It wasn’t even my fault! I tried to catch him but I missed. It was awesome.

Mrs. Baumert: What’s your name? I’m calling the police!

Evan Ward: I’m Scott Stevens. Uh… yee-haw? You can bill all hospital bills to me and if I don’t pay them, definitely take me to court. Bang bang. Go Texas.

Mrs. Baumert begins to dial the police when the three nerds from earlier snatch her phone and then throw it amongst themselves, playing keep away,

Mrs. Baumert: Boys! Get back here with my phone this instant!

Mrs. Baumert takes off after them as Solex catches Ward’s eye and nods. Solex yells after the nerds.

Steve Solex: Faster tubby! I’ll make men out of you, yet!

The camera now cuts to America who is escorting his date over to the refreshments table. Dan Ryan continues serving punch when he sees America approaching. America reaches for a glass and Ryan grabs his hand. America looks up as Ryan shakes his head.

Dan Ryan: You don’t want that.

The Hammer of God then motions with his head towards a bunch of kids stumbling out of the bathroom holding their stomachs.

Dan Ryan: Diarrhea. I’d wait for the champagne in the limo.

America scowls in disgust at the sight of the kids filing in and out of the bathroom. He looks back at Dan Ryan and nods in agreement.


The front doors of the gym burst open as a man wearing a delivery uniform enters. His uniform reads: Expedited Package Undertaking.

Solex immediately runs over.

EPU Delivery Man: We got a delivery. Where do you want it?

Steve Solex: Delivery?

The delivery man points outside. Solex pokes his head out and sees a very large delivery van.

Steve Solex: I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that van somewhere before. Where’d you get it?

EPU Delivery Man: We we’re loaned it from a political campaign. It apparently helped with ballot transportation a few years back. They want it back in time for the next election. Something about 4 AM deliveries that need to be made.

Steve Solex: I fucking knew it!

Before Solex can confirm his suspicions that it belongs to a liberal, dozens of other delivery men begin climbing out of the back of the truck.

Back inside the gym, DOG has stopped the music and Mr. Peterson, finally free from Solex’s gaze, makes his way onto the stage.

Mr. Peterson: Now, I— I know that things haven’t gone exactly to plan tonight thanks to our new security and chaperones but… we are ready to unveil the winners of the king and queen of this year’s prom.

Mr. Peterson’s announcement is promptly interrupted as the doors swing open revealing Jatt Starr, shirtless but wearing red lace panties on his head underneath his piano tie which is currently doubling as a headband, and his pink tuxedo pants. Natalie is following him wearing his Letterman’s jacket over her dress, she and her Hall of Fame husband share a certain afterglow as they enter. The Sultan of SeaJattle is panting, sweat dripping down his face like Ted Stryker trying to land Boeing 707.


The Rembrandt of Wrestling and his new bride rush over to the nearest Final Alliance member to them, which happens to be Dan Ryan.

Jatt Starr: Where’s the electrolytes?

Dan Ryan: They’re about to announce the king and queen.

Jatt Starr: Natalie and I forfeit. Electrolytes!

Dan Ryan: I don’t know! Have some punch.

Jatt Starr: The punch is spiked. SPIKED!!!!!!

Dan Ryan: Quiet!

Jatt Starr lets out an incoherent scream that sounds like “GRBLUGARBAGAR”. He turns towards Natalie who begins rubbing on his bare chest and all other thoughts escape him.

Jatt Starr: Fine! The van’s indisposed so we’ll be in the limo for round three. I’ll leave a sock on the door. Natty-Baby, have you seen my socks?

Dan Ryan raises a hand to question how one would place a sock on a limo door but more importantly, “No!”. Before he can respond, the Thane of Starrkarth and Natalie begin make their way towards the exit. As they pass a refreshment table, Jatt Starr grabs a couple of room temperature bottles of water and heads out but before he does he turns around…..


Mr. Peterson just stares, slack jawed, as do the rest of the students in the auditorium, as Natalie Fuse-Sparrow-Starr (she has to decide on a last name) yanks Jatt Starr out of the auditorium for some limo sexy times. Slowly, the students turn towards the stage as if looking to Mr. Peterson for guidance.

Noticing this, Mr. Peterson stammers before finally composing himself.

Mr. Peterson: Uhm… uh… right… we’ll…


The doors to the gym clang open again.

Mr. Peterson: Now what?

The delivery men begin unloading the sacks and set them next to Mr. Peterson.

Mr. Peterson: What on Earth?

Mr. Peterson looks up and sees Steve Solex marching towards him. He immediately begins to sulk in fear. As Solex approaches, Mr. Peterson instinctively takes a few steps back. Solex gets close to his face and forms a fist with his hand, his knuckles cracking.

A slight whimper erupts from Mr. Peterson. As Solex raises his hand, Mr. Peterson cowers. Solex then reaches into his jacket and pulls out an envelope. He hands it to Mr. Peterson who has both eyes shut, anticipating being hit.

He barely opens one eye and sees the envelope. He takes the envelope and looks at Solex as if waiting for instructions.

Steve Solex: Some last minute votes came in. I tallied them up.


Mr. Peterson nods quickly and gets back near the microphone.

Mr. Peterson: The winner of this year’s Prom King and Queen are…

He rips open the envelope, reads it…

And pauses…

He looks over at Solex who cracks his neck and flexes his muscles.


A gasp of shock rises from the back of the room as Christopher America feigns his surprise. From the DJ table, DOG illuminates a spotlight on the happy couple.

A chorus of boos erupt from the other students, with some throwing empty punch cups and empty water bottles at America. Acting like the President, America walks down towards the stage, the belt hanging from his arm, with his other arm in the air as if acknowledging throngs of screaming fans.

As America gets on to the stage, he walks over towards Mr. Peterson, shakes his hand, accepts the crown and sash for the kingly title. From his suit jacket, America pulls out a tiny crown and places it around his dates leather. He then shoves Mr. Peterson off the stage, where he falls and smashes his knees on the dance floor.

Mr. Peterson: Oh God, my knee!

He, then, like a beached whale, flounders on the floor. Solex jumps down to help him up before guiding him to a large trash can and dumping him in head first.

Steve Solex: Fuckin’ NERD!

The camera shows a happy Christopher America holding his championship before it begins to blur, once again showing how he sees things.

The gorgeous brunette in #97Red dress is now wearing a crown and sash. She looks absolutely radiant as she and America soak in the moment as DOG cues the music.

I got this feelin’ inside my bones

It goes electric, wavy when I turn it on

All through my city, all through my home

We’re flyin’ up, no ceilin’, when we in our zone

A muscularly, fit young man begins climbing on the stage.

I got that sunshine in my pocket

Got that good soul in my feet

I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops (ooh)

The young man walks over and scowls at America.

Young Man: This is bullshit! You weren’t even nominated to be king!

I can’t take my eyes up off it, movin’ so phenomenally

Room on lock, the way we rock it, so don’t stop

Young Man: You’ve all ruined this whole night for us! This was OUR night not some fucking boomers crashing a party because you got nothing better to do!

Who the fuck do you think you are? Parading around here with a fucking belt!

And under the lights when everything goes

Nowhere to hide when I’m gettin’ you close

The young man grabs the arm of the woman on America’s arm. Seeing him touch his date so forcefully, America’s eyes flicker with rage. As he starts to move, his date stops him. She turns to the young man and slaps him hard, knocking him off the stage on to the floor below.

When we move, well, you already know

So just imagine, just imagine, just imagine

Nothin’ I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance

The woman then turns to America and kisses him hard as his anger subsides.

The camera blurs once more as we head back to reality. The camera cuts to peering over a kid’s shoulder, replaying the video he recorded on his phone. There, instead of the woman slapping the young man, it shows America hitting him in the side of the face with a belt shot.

Feel a good, good creepin’ up on you

So just dance, dance, dance, come on

All those things I shouldn’t do

But you dance, dance, dance

And ain’t nobody leavin’ soon, so keep dancin’

The music begins to die down as America, wearing his prom king crown and sash takes to the microphone.

Christopher America: Thank you to everyone who makes this happen. From the jocks to the NERDS, from the theater kids to the big tiddy goth girls, from the school sluts to whatever the virgins like Mr. Peterson down there are. But most of all, to the Final Alliance…

We did it, boys!

America raises his championship and other arm above his head in triumph, when the heavy clacking of Mrs. Baumert approaches, having acquired her cell phone from the nerds.

A record scratch is heard as DOG, sensing trouble, immediately abandons the DJ booth.

Mrs. Baumert: ENOUGH!

America catches Solex’s eye and makes a circular motion with his finger, signaling it was time to wrap this up.

Solex goes to find the other Alliance members as America is left to face Mrs. Baumert.

Mrs. Baumert: I have had enough! I checked! There is no outside security. No other chaperones! You are crashing this party and have ruined this night!

Mrs. Baumert snatches the crown off America’s head and pulls the sash off of him. She goes to do the same for the HOW World Championship, but the moment she touches the title, America’s eyes flicker with rage again and he grabs her. Hoisting her onto his shoulders, America puts her in the torture rack as a mixed reaction of horror and cheers goes up from the student body.

The camera quickly cuts back to Solex who has rounded up most of the Final Alliance, save for STRonk and Jatt. But Solex doesn’t have to search long for the King of Stallions.

STRonk wanders back into the gymnasium from a storage closet. One of his fancy white cuffs is torn and there appears to be a hickey on his neck. He looks bewildered.

He’s intercepted by Solex on his way to retrieve DOG, who is presently bullying a terrified chaperone, snarling and nipping at their ankles.

Steve Solex: Where’d you go?

Solex spies a female teacher exit the same storage closet from which STRonk emerged, her blouse slightly askew, with a look of contentment on her face.

Before STRonk can respond, Solex notices and points to a wad of five dollar bills stuffed in the front of his tuxedo briefs.

Steve Solex: And what’s that for?

A blank-faced STRonk shrug-flexes.

STRonk Godson: STRonk DiD a WREstlING mAtCH foR A FEMale HUMAN.

Steve Solex: Uh huh.

STRonk Godson: BUt IT waS A STRANGE gimmICk MaTCH.

Steve Solex: Go on.

STRonk Godson: THaT INvolveD STRonk TAKING off ALL STRonk’s clothES and RUbbing STRonk’s buttOCKs ON the FEmale HUMAN’s FOReHEAD aNd LIPs.

Solex nods, taking this all in.

Steve Solex: Were you, uh, “victorious”?

STRonk Godson: NO.

Steve Solex: Too bad. Can’t win ‘em all. Anyway, it’s time to go.

Off in the distance, police sirens can be heard as Solex’s eyes go wide, survival mode kicking in.

Steve Solex: We got to go NOW!

The camera cuts back to America who is now surrounded by teachers trying to pull Mrs. Baumert out of America’s torture rack.

Solex whistles loudly and America looks at him. Seeing most of the other members of the Alliance all ready to go, America finally drops Mrs. Baumert and hops off the stage. The other teachers begin attending to Mrs. Baumert as America and the Alliance begin to bolt.

Suddenly, America stops, turns, and runs back, grabbing the crowns and sashes signifying his and his championship’s statuses as king and queen of the prom.

Now, he bolts for the door as Solex, Dan, Evan, STRonk and DOG all beeline it out of there. They all go for the limo as America rushes over to the STARR-LITE EXPRESS. He furiously pounds on the door yelling for George when the door suddenly swings open and George is there smoking a cigar. Four female bald eagles file out as America relays to George that it’s time to go.

George immediately drops the cigar from his mouth and flies over to the limo as America dashes.

America dives in as the door slams shut and the limo peels away.

As everyone gets settled, they all crinkle their noses and yell at the driver.

Evan Ward: Open a fucking window! God!

The sun roof opens as do the windows in the back. Fresh air blows in, sweeping the foul stench away. Everyone turns and looks at the tangled mess of flesh that is Jatt Starr and Natalie Fuse-Sparrow-Starr. The smell of sex and sweat have permeated the limo. Wine bottles, water bottles, and even Gatorade bottles lay strewn about.

DOG barks.

And George looks impressed.

STRonk Godson: INCrediBLE endURanCe.

The other members of the Final Alliance make themselves comfortable in the limo as the sirens get further and further away.