Doozer

  • If ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em

    Cliffs.   They’re about as dramatic as physical terrain gets, right?   From one extreme to the other.   You know cliffs.   Maybe you know a guy named Cliff.   Apologize to him for me, please.   Thank you.   Manners matter. Some here don’t realize that.  ...
  • Exit Conference: Part 2

    Fog.   Maybe haze is the better word. Can’t seem to focus enough to know what’s Best. Or who’s Best?   I’ll do ya one better. Why is Best?   It’s weird, though. I’m in a hospital, I think. Everything’s white. There are a bunch of machines whizzing, whirring,...
  • Out with The Old

    People visit beaches for a bunch of reasons. After the sun sets, that number reduces. Alone, it falls further. When the forecast says a storm is about to roll in, it approaches damn near zero.   This is the specific case we find with The Dooze. His old bones...
  • Whatever it takes…

    HOTv Headquarters.   Time to formally go on the record.   Today’s tale of the tape begins inside the cozy confines of a recording studio. There’s the typical control desk propped up against the wall– covered in protective plastic for some odd reason. There’s a pair of podiums, because...
  • The Carnies: Part Two of Part 2

    A large, white sign with bold, black font reading INTERMISSION suddenly goes up in smoke. By the time it settles, everything on the gigantic stage before us all has vanished. Pure silence passes for seconds that feel like minutes. Then, a small clown emerges out of nowhere driving a...
  • A little scrambled?

    We have breaking news out of the Bandit’s camp.   Kinda.   Reporters, probably there to interview Halitosis – pretty sure they all had nose clips, at least – anyway, the overpaid flesh-stands for microphones apparently recorded some dialog from both Doozer and Cool Jiles, of the eGG Bandits,...
  • … of the Round Table

    The lights are on.   The door is locked.   That’s right. You can’t leave.   This promo is being recorded for quality assurance.   You need it.   It’s discussion time, boys and girls.   As such, we start with a massive round table. It’s wooden in makeup....
  • What rhymes with lose…

    It’s that time of month again…   Did you really have to start with an Aunt Flo quip? That’s gotta be as played out as hearing people take shots at The Dude’s namesake…   Unlike every other week – hosting the second Tuesday of the month, –   Oh,...
  • An Open Invitation

    The eGG bandits have apparently sent out a formal invite to their ICON Championship Battle Royal viewing party. As decreed by the GREEK GOD of COOL himself, any and all aligned with his holiness are welcome to join in protest of being told to participate in such a demeaning...
  • Child’s Play

    Ahhhh, I remember like it was yesterday.   Standing on the edge of the bank, a broken-billed Red Sox cap on my head, a Superman t-shirt on the ground next to me, hands anxiously gripping the fishing rod, leaning out over the water in anticipation…   “One’s gotta bite...
  • Eggs and Murderball

    We talkin’ balls now, huh?   This should be interesting.   Go home.   Didn’t see that coming.   Leave me to egg these chickens with one hand while cleaning up your scrambled mess with the other.   Pfft, I can hear you now-   ~~~   “Meals on...
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