Idiot Note: I locked myself out and Lee fixed things, I edited only for formatting I promise!!! We were going to have a party. There was going to be cake. Do you know how bloody fucking hard it is to rent an arena ready pirate ship that can host...

Whenever there’s a crime or trouble   That no one can solve at all it seems   That’s when he comes here on the double   Cecilworth Farthington Mysteries!   The hit theme tune to the television show that at least three whole human beings know and love introduces...

Did you know that many of the OCW and HOW superstars actually have their own unique programming available only on the HOTv network? I mean it’s likely you didn’t, they normally air around two thirty in the morning after a two hour infomercial for Planet Scottywood so you’re hardly...

I want you to imagine something.   Say you’re a young man about town, perhaps you are some form of champion in whatever field you work in. A champion doctor, they have those right?   Now imagine this other doctor, a real miserable prick of a man. He’s that...

We cut to Florida’s finest steakhouse where we find the current ICON Champion, CM!JF and his close personal friend, advisor, agent, manager, general personal valet Dirk Dickwood are about to chow down on the MOST EXPENSIVE STEAK. More expensive than eighty five dollars, that’s for sure!   SUDDENLY  ...

Shangri-La Bath & Sauna Tampa, Florida Tuesday July 2nd   It had been quite the weekend of events for our hero, Cecilworth M! Farthington. On Friday evening he stood in the BEER ARENA across the ring from a man he was all too familiar with and learned the perplexing...

We find ourselves on the set of a talk show. Well… what I mean by that is we find ourselves at Dirk Dickwood’s office and he has put a BLUE YETI (™) microphone on his desk and began to play some exciting jazz music off his Samsung © Note...

From the desk of…   Dirk Dickwood,   Senior Partner, Dirk Dickwood Presents   To whom it may concern,   My last letter was very much directed to one man in particular, Lee Best of the famed wrestling company Lee Best’s Shitty Death Match Promotion. Today, in the spirit...

From the desk of…   Dirk Dickwood   Senior Partner, Dirk Dickwood Presents.   Dear Lee Best,   Fuck you.   No seriously, I cannot stress this enough. GO FUCK YOURSELF.   I bet you thought your little ploy was real cute, wave a shiny trinket in front of...

Hello again friends, Spring has truly sprung has it not? The cherry blossoms are in bloom, the weather is getting warmer and Cecilworth Farthington is talking on his mobular phone communication device.   Segues like that are how I won “Best Story Narrator” no years running in the special...

Oh hello there, I didn’t see you! Please come in to this cosy section of the website and get settled down as I tell you the most heartbreaking story in human history. You, the arrogant, know it all reader may say “you mean worse than child poverty and that...