CHAOS RESULTS
Friday Night Chaos… On Saturday
October 26th, 2019
The United Center, Chicago, IL
Chaos opens with a black screen and the pictures of Dick Fury and Austin Bishop on them with the words Rest In Peace between them.
After a few seconds we cut to ringside where we see Keith Seute and Mark DuBois at the ringside announce table.
Keith Suete: Welcome to Friday Night Chaos folks, it’s been over a month since we have been on the airwaves because of…
Mark DuBois: Fucking hackers! I bet it was the Russians… or the Ukrainites… maybe even the Iranians… does HOW own any oil interests?
Keith Suete: We don’t need to dive into all the tech details… but HOW is back up and running and we have one more show before we head off to San Francisco and Alcatraz for Rumble at the Rock 9.
Mark DuBois: Lots of unanswered questions heading into that show and we have been told we’ll have a good idea of the final card by the end of the show tonight.
Keith Suete: But some somber news to start the show off with. As you saw by our opening graphic, both Dick Fury and Austin Bishop passed away this week in a horrifying video that was posted on HOWrestling.com which we won’t go into further details about.
Mark DuBois: Austin Bishop was scheduled to fight Brenton Cross in his first ever HOW match this week.
Keith Suete: We’ve heard no updates about a replacement for Bishop or if that match has just been scrapped…
“COCHISE” by Audioslave suddenly plays as the confused fans inside The United Center
Keith Suete: That is Brenton Cross’s theme music I believe…
It is indeed as we see one of HOW’s newest signings make his way out onto the stage with a microphone in hand.
Brenton Cross: I’ve come a long distance to be here tonight, only your imagination would be suitable. I’ve waited a month do this match against Austin Bishop, but my worst fears have been realized and it appears the timeline has changed. You’ve all seen the video.
Keith Suete: I’m nauseous just thinking about it.
Mark DuBois: No puking at the announce table, that smell from Newell just went away.
Brenton Cross: But you were all promised a match here tonight, and I may have to opportunity to correct the future… and neither me nor Bishop will fail you in that promise.
Keith Suete: Looks like Crash isn’t the only replacement tonight. Who has Cross found to replace Bishop?
Going back behind the stage curtain for a moment, Cross reappears with a large black bag…
Keith Suete: That’s not a…. no…
Mark DuBois: Ya… it’s a body bag.
Dragging the bag down the ramp with one hand, he still has the mic in the other as he starts introductions.
Brenton Cross: I will not allow the timeline to be corrupted. Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall, now making his way to the ring from soon to be a graveyard… Austin Bishop!!!
Keith Suete: What in the world is is Bishop thinking here… that can’t really be…
Mark DuBois: Since this is HOW… I’m not betting against that fact. Here is Mike Taylor trying to talk some sense into Cross.
Cross just shakes his head back at Taylor as he refuses to even listen as he continues to frag the body bag to the ring. He dead lifts the bag up onto the arpon and rolls it under the bottom rope as the fans are clamoring trying to figure out what is really going on here. Cross unzips the bag and dumps the near headless corpse of who we can only assume is Austin Bishop
Brenton Cross: Now ring the bell Taylor! We must keep the timeline in order!
Reluctantly Taylor calls for the bell as he can barely look at what once was Austin Bishop. Cross drops to the mat and hooks the leg on the corpse of Bishop as Mike Taylor reluctantly counts to three as quick as he can.
ONE, TWO, THREE
DING DING DING
Taylor calls for the bell as Cross demands his arm raised as Zack Taylor announces the outcome in the most mundane way ever.
Zack Taylor: The winner of the match… Brenton Cross.
Keith Suete: That was not at all how I expect we kick off Chaos after a month long delay, but we got plenty of the show left that I really hope won’t involve more corpses.
Mark DuBois: I think I heard a few people puke behind me Keith.
Keith Suete: I might need to head to the bathroom myself… well be right back as the ring crew replaces the mat here.
We see Cross roll out of the ring and make his way out through the crowd as the 2 men wearing jackets that say “Chicago Coroners” are seen rushing down the entrance ramp as we cut away to commercial.
Up next, footage from MVW’s House Show earlier today in Chicago, IL
Back from commercial, the HOW ring crew is half way through replacing the ring mat as the Chicago Coroner has taken back custody of the body of Austin Bishop and removed him from the arena.
Keith Suete: We’re back folks and we have just got video on HOWrestling.com in from MVW’s house show just a few hours ago at the Joseph Gentile Center here in Chicago. Lisa Barbosa-Stevens cut a promo and then defended here MVW Women’s Title against “Canadian Cyborg” Sheline Carrigan. Roll the footage.
The HOV lights up and we see the footage from earlier today at the MVW House Show in Chicago.
Lisa Barbosa-Stevens: I know that I should be talking about my upcoming match in two weeks against Sheline Carrigan. But tonight, I have come here tonight to speak some truth. Scottywood showed up at my house, tied me to a bed, and forced my husband to accept his challenge at Rumble at the Rock. That’s right. Because you are a piece of *BLEEP*, I had to back out of two bookings- something I NEVER do. So to our fans in Urbandale and Cedar Rapids, I apologize for missing the shows.
Applause interrupts her.
Lisa Barbosa-Stevens: You see, Scotty, I’m a professional. My job is to wrestle. When I came back to MVW earlier this year, I wanted to win this…
She holds up the Women’s title belt.
Lisa Barbosa-Stevens: …again. And I did because I’m a professional and did my job in a professional manner. I didn’t attack someone with a barbed wire hockey stick or go after his family. I didn’t go to my opponent’s house and tie up her husband to get what I wanted. No, I EARNED what I got. Scotty, you want a fight? You got a fight. Just like when you called out M.J. Flair, you’ve picked another battle that you can’t win- which sums up your career since HOW came back earlier this year. Scott’s signed the contract for Rumble at the Rock, Scottywood. You asked for it. And you’re going to get it. Scott Stevens is not going to surrender. Scott Stevens is not going to retreat. Scott Stevens is going to kick your ass all over Alcatraz and I’m going to watch and enjoy every second of it.
Lisa spikes the microphone and holds up the MVW Women’s title.
The MVW logo flashes on the screen as we cut to a video from the ending of Lisa Barbosa-Stevens w/The Stevens Dynasty and Manager Ted Tebow vs. ‘Canadian Cyborg’ Sheline Carrigan with Coach E.J. Flac for the MVW Women’s Title.
Carrigan gets to her feet. She stumbles forward. Barbosa-Stevens strikes. Turn – grab the back of her neck – sit out to the floor.
Johnny Suave: TOXIC STING!
Lisa moves to cover but…
Johnny Suave: WAIT! BO AND GEORGE STEVENS ARE DOWN!
Quick camera cut. Bo and George Stevens are down on the floor and bleeding. So is Barbosa-Stevens’s manager Ted Tebow.
Johnny Suave: WHAT THE HELL?
The crowd goes crazy. Lisa doesn’t pin Carrigan. She stops and notices something is up. She doesn’t see Bo or George or even Tebow.
But she does see…
‘The Hardcore Artist’ Scottywood
Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! THAT’S SCOTTYWOOD!
Lisa’s jaw drops. She’s frozen in place.
Johnny Suave: SCOTTYWOOD IS HERE? HE’S GOT A SHOW LATER ON TONIGHT!
Scottywood has his barbed-wire hockey stick – it’s dripping blood from the blade. He begins to step through the ropes- *WHAM*
Johnny Suave: SCOTT STEVENS JUST NAILED SCOTTYWOOD FROM BEHIND!
Stevens pulls Scottywood off the ring apron and slams him back first to the floor. The hockey stick goes flying and smacks into the barricade.
Johnny Suave: SCOTT STEVENS JUST YANKED SCOTTYWOOD OFF THE RING APRON AND THEY’RE BOTH THROWING DOWN RIGHT NOW ON THE FLOOR!
Stevens opens up a barrage of right hands on Scottywood. The Hardcore Artist rolls Stevens and he starts firing back.
MVW security come flying out from the back and race down to ringside.
Dazed, Lisa simply looks out at where her husband and Scottywood are brawling.
Carrigan, still half out of it, gets back to her feet. Running on pure instinct, she sees Barbosa-Stevens – goes up to her – and back body drops her.
Johnny Suave: CARRIGAN’S ALIVE! SHE JUST BACKDROPPED THE CHAMPION!
Scottywood and Stevens continue to beat the ever loving hell out of each other as they make their way back towards the stage. Security try to get in between them but are unable to break up the fight.
Carrigan pulls Barbosa-Stevens – who landed awkwardly and had the wind knocked out of her – to her feet and puts her head between her legs. She jumps up and over and spike the champion’s head to the mat.
Johnny Suave: CANADIAN DESTROYER!
Carrigan wastes no time. She rolls Barbosa-Stevens up for the cover.
THREE! Romanov calls for the bell.
Johnny Suave: NEW CHAMPION! NEW CHAMPION!
Carrigan flops onto her back and covers her eyes. Coach E.J. Flack nearly trips on the bottom rope but climbs in.
The MVW logo flashes again as the HOV cuts back to ringside with Keith Suete and Mark DuBois.
Keith Suete: Scottywood’s obsession with Scott Steven’s wife Lisa has taken another twist as The Hardcore Artist invaded MVW and cost Lisa the Women’s Title.
Mark DuBois: I feel sorry for security trying to break those two up. They may fight all the way to Alcatraz.
OOOOOOHHHHHHHH, DRINK, DRANK, DRUNK
Hellyeah blasts over the speakers as we see a bloodied Scottywood make his way out onto the stage flanked by Frankie and Baal. He holding the same blood stained hockey stick he used earlier tonight to attack the Stevens family as he knows Stevens can’t be too far away.
Scottywood: WHERE ARE YOU STEVENS?!?!?!?!?!?!? We ain’t fucking done yet!
Scotty shouts as he walks down the ramp and looks out towards the arena, but no answer.
Scottywood: To tell you the truth though… I never had any video of your wife… but it got in your fucking head like I knew it would. So much so that you never fucking thought I would show up at MVW and pay Lisa and your family a visit when they were a short fucking Uber away.
Scotty shakes his head as the trio make their way into the ring.
Scottywood: But we’re not finished. No one attacks me from behind when I’m trying to cost their wife a fucking World Title.
Laughs Scotty as he know just how ridiculous that statement is.
Scottywood: Oh… I almost forgot the most important part of that video from MVW. The announcement that came right afterwards. YOU’RE NEW MVW WOMEN’S CHAMPION….. “CANADIAN CYBORG” SHELINE CARRIGAN!!!!!
Cue a familiar tune as the United Center erupts in cheers.
“Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked” by Cage the Elephant
Keith Suete: Business just picked up ladies and gentlemen!
Mark DuBois: Hope to God to you don’t mention BBQ sauce next.
Keith Suete: What?
Mark DuBois: Nevermind.
Scotty yells for Baal and Frankie to head up the ramp, but as the music plays Scott Stevens doesn’t appear. Scotty continues to bark orders at his son and bodyguard to look sharp when the crowd begins to come alive.
Keith Suete: Seems to be some commotion coming from the audience.
Stevens hops over the barricade and slides into the ring with a beer bottle in hand. Scotty hears the crowd and slowly turns around and that’s all the Texan needed to smash the bottle on the Hardcore Artist’s face dropping him to the ground and sending his hockey stick to the outside.
Mark DuBois: That’s for Cary you Bob Marley wannabe!
Stevens proceeds to rain down right hands onto Scotty busting him up even more when he stops abruptly as Frankie and Baal enter the ring. Stevens goes on the attack slingshotting Frankie into the ring and crouching Baal by kicking the middle rope. Stevens grabs Baal and hangs him out to dry with a rope hung DDT. Frankie tries to get a cheap shot in but Stevens just flinches it off before drilling Scotty’s son with a superkick.
Keith Suete: Remember the Alamo Superkick!
Mark DuBois: I don’t think Frankie can remember the day of the week much less that Keith.
Stevens looks around for Scotty as sees he’s crawled up the ramp. The enraged Texan rolls out of the ring and looks for something underneath it.
Keith Suete: Stevens is looking for something.
Once found, the former World champion produces a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire and points it towards the top of the stage at his opponent before rolling back into the ring.
Mark DuBois: He’s got evil intentions on his mind Keith.
Stevens picks up Baal into a seated position and grinds the barbed wire deep into his forehead causing blood to spew everywhere.
Mark DuBois: I haven’t seen this much blood since Stormy Rhodes used the cheese grater on Dicks Flair in the Intergender Classic of 92.
Keith Suete: I think I’m gonna puke…. again….
Stevens makes a final slash across the forehead before moving on to the other person in the ring…. Scotty’s son.
Keith Suete: He’s not…..
Mark DuBois: He is.
Stevens points his bloody bat towards Scotty before sitting Frankie up but instead of grinding the barbed wire into his forehead he tilt’s Frankie’s head back some and slowly places it against his neck.
Keith Suete: This is going too far…..don’t Scott you’re better than this!!!!!!
Stevens looks towards Scotty once more who is expressing concern for his son before a sick grin forms on Stevens face and he slashes he barbed wire across the throat of Frankie.
Mark DuBois: Holy Shit!!!!!!!
Frankie rolls around in pain as blood begins to protrude through his fingers as Scotty runs down the ramp and stops short of the ring as Stevens is waiting for him to enter. Scotty tries everything to get in but Stevens has him stopped at every corner. The Texan walks back to Frankie and places his hand into one of the many blood puddles of Frankie the Cameraman and smears it across his face before using the blood to write, “R-A-T-R” onto his bare chest.
Keith Suete: Stevens sending a message to Scottywood to expect no mercy when the two collide for Scottywood’s retirement match.
Stevens rolls out of the ring and hops the barricade as Scotty and EMTs hit the ring to check on Baal and Frankie. Scotty and Stevens lock eyes as Stevens points to his chest and mouths, “See you soon” before exiting through the crowd.
Mark DuBois: Scotty wanted the real Scott Stevens and he awoke the sleeping dragon.
New Beer Sponsor of HOW
We come back from commercial backstage to Michigan State Athletic Commission officials swarm around Darin Zion still wearing his rotten ring gear. They swarm around him as Brian Hollywood wearing his red suit coat in his ring gear just shakes his head. He approaches the men who try to force Zion to shower. They stand in front of Zion blocking him around the shower.
Michigan Athletic Person: I’m sorry sir. We saw Dane’s complaint on your company’s website. This is purely for health concerns. We have to force him to clean properly and not put the audience at risk.
Hollywood simply strokes his beard for a moment and glares at them.
Brian Hollywood: Yet you give two shits about the Flint water crisis. Fuck your opinions.
Michigan Athletic Person: I will revoke your damn wrestling license if you get our way.
Brian Hollywood: Sir, I wouldn’t be the one standing in your way…
Hollywood points as the man turns around. Immediately Zion waffles the man straight in the face with the shower head he pulled out of one of the showers. Zion clobbers each of the Commission officials with the shower head before grabbing a towel and suffocated the main guy who got in Hollywood’s way. Rage beams all over his face as the officials’ face turns purple. Zion grabs the man and immediately tosses him straight through the dry wall as Hollywood approaches the camera.
Brian Hollywood: Call this our clean slate HOW.
He laughs at his own puns as Zion continues to beat the hell out if anyone standing in his way of Eric Dane tonight. Zion takes pleasure in making these idiotic took auffer. The pleasure covers his face. All his marbles scatter in his brain and he admires the carnage and destruction he left. Zion grabs the shower caddy from his locker room shower, places it in the officials mouth and stiffly kicks it straight into his teeth.
Brian Hollywood: We don’t give a shit what you think. Just look at Zion. He gives two fucks how he wrestles now. He gives two fucks about anyone’s irrelevant opinions. He cares only about leaving destruction, pain, and suffering of anyone who stands in HIS WAY of cementing his legacy in HOW. He isn’t a footnote like any of your idiots treat him. He’s now a threat. He’s let his unbridled rage out on anyone who stands in his way to glory. He isn’t a loser. He’s now a monster. Dane after you took away everything he cared about those HOW Tag Team championships from him. After you embarrassed Zion in front of the world…he wants his revenge. He wants to unleash his frustrations on your ass.
Zion steps straight in front of the camera and breathes heavily for a moment. He lets out a roar before walking up to Hollywood just pumped and ready for his match for Dane.
Brian Hollywood: You want him cleaned?! Fuck that! You shit on his soul. You blackened the innocence in his heart. You transformed him into this. He became you! He got on your level. You destroyed that once brilliant mind of Zion’s and transformed him into a primitive destructive force. He took himself to his next level. Your level! He only destroys. He doesn’t care about the consequences, repercussions, or even your praise any more. He cares about reclaiming victory over you: HOW’s greatest threat.
Hollywood turns back around and nods in approval at the destruction Zion left.
Brian Hollywood: it’s funny, Dane. You cut these stupid jokes. You want to be funny. You act like you don’t care. You don’t fear Zion. I get it. He has lost time and time again. That wouldn’t “worry” someone with your background. Yet you tried to get out of a match with him over this shit. You tried to play your contract because you fear the monster you created in Zion. You fear what he’s become.all you did was pissed him off. You pissed him off more. He wants to smear your blood all of him. He wants to break your bones. He wants to leave you where you left him: in the gutter to rot. Tonight, I release the this monster you created. I unleash chaos on the Industry. Tonight, we establish our dominance in HOW. And at Rumble at the Rock….Zion and I will rip those HOW Tag Team Titles from around your waists.
Hollywood walks up to Zion and puts his hand on Zion’s shoulder. Zion grunts for a moment before staring back at Hollywood intently.
Brian Hollywood: I got to go now, Zion. I have to kill the Egg Bandits. I’m setting you free while I let you prepare for your match with Dane. You gonna be alright.
Zion smirks before he walks over to one of the officials, picks them up and hits the a new move on their body. Hollywood laughs and walks away as the scene fades to black.
The Egg Bandits music hits as they walk out slapping hands with the crowd. Without hesitation The Order comes out from the crowd and ambush the Bandits. Hollywood grabs a chair from the time keeper’s chair. He waffles Bobby Dean with a chair straight to the face. Jace Savage forces Bobby Dean’s mouth open and sets Dean’s mouth on the chair. Hollywood immediately stomps and Dean’s mouth starts bleeding. Jules and Doozer try to stop the chaos with the Order beating down Dean but Jace and Crash charge toward both men and double clothesline them.
Chad Kinney motions for the Order to get things started. However they continue to not listen. Crash grans Jiles and places him on the steel steps. Crash hits the Crash Report head first on Jiles on the steel steps. Hollywood slides in the ring and meets Doozer in the ring. Doozer tried to charge straight for Hollywood but Hollywood hits an Executive Promise. Jace fosses Crash and Hollywood two stew chairs and joins them with his own steel chair. All three men hit Doozer with a Con Chair To dead on in the skull. Hollywood motions to Chad Kinney to ring the bell. Chad struggles as Jace grabs him.
Keith Suete: Careful guys! Don’t get disqualified! Chad won’t stand for this!
Mark Dubois: Be quiet you tool! I’m enjoying the pure Chaos the Order is establishing.
Hollywood acts like he’s going to kick Chad but Chad screams out that he will comply. Hollywood motions for Crash. Crash grabs Doozer while Jace slides a steel chair into the ring. Jiles struggles up to his feet but gets met with an Executive Promise straight to his head stiffly. Crash picks up Doozer and drives him head first into the steel chair with the Crash Report. Dean slides back into the ring but gets met with a steel chair from Hollywood. All three of the men struggle but pick up Dean with a triple Powerbomb and drop him straight into Doozer. Hollywood brings Jiles in and suplexes him into the pipe of bandits. Crash climbs the top rope with a steel chair and hits a Swanton Bomb onto a steel chair on both of them and covers them all three.
Zack Taylor: Here are your winners….Briiaaaaaan Hollywooooood, Jace Savage, and Craaaaaaash Rooooooodriiiiiiguez….the Order!
Mark Dubois: The Order look dominant in their match tonight! They absolutely left the Egg Bandits in a pile.
Keith Suete: This marks the first win for the Order as a stable in HOW.
Mark Dubois: They’ve been pissed off and angry and they refocused and tonight: they came out swinging. Crash absolutely let his nine stages of hell out on these Bandits.
Keith Suete: You could say he scrambled them.
Mark Dubois: Shut up with the sad jokes and bask in The Order’s glory!
Crash, Jace, and Hollywood celebrate their win as the scene fades to black.
Check out HOTv for more #HOWClassics leading up to RATR9
Backstage we see Brenton Cross run around a corner then slow up, as he’s lost the asylum guards. He leans against the wall, breathing heavily trying to catch his breath. Backstage interviewer Cassie Walsh walks on screen to grab a word with the newcomer.
Cassie Walsh: Excuse me, Brenton, could I get a word.
Brenton Cross: Yes… you’re supposed to.
We cut backstage to see The Hardcore Artist sitting out by one of the entrance bays to The United Center. It’s only been moments since Frankie has been rushed off in an ambulance for the hospital after the brutal attack by Scott Stevens. Scotty is still ocvered in blood… his, Frankie’s, Stevens’ family… is all a Jackosn Pollock like mess across his body and clothes. He just stares off into the distance. It’s been a long ass fucking night. Someone has brought him a Revolution Brewing Oktoberfest… maybe for product placement… maybe cause he looked like he needed a beer. He takes a drink and turns slowly to the HOW camera that has daringly approached him.
Scottywood: Bravo Stevens… going for the jugular… literally. Playing paint by numbers with Frankie’s blood like the letters R-A-T-R will fucking scare me? The man that used to own the fucking island. Fine… it’s cool. I knew invading your house wouldn’t come at a price. I knew costing Lisa the MVW Women’s Title wouldn’t come with a price.
Pausing, Scotty then smiles as he looks up at the camera.
Scottywood: Come Rumble at the Rock… you will pay for yours. Cause it has just been confirmed by the majority owner of HOW that our match at Alcatraz will be… a Crucifixion Match. God fucking help you Stevens.
Did we forget to check on Christopher America over the past month? Shit….
Keith Suete: Up now we have a schedule change to the card… Evan Ward is taking on High Flyer since apparently someone wants to make Eric Dane and Darin Zion wait longer for their match.
Suete can barely finish his sentance before Mike Taylor calls for the bell in his first real match of the night as Ward charges at High Flyer who charges back and catches Ward with a Yakuza Kick sqaure on the jaw that drops Ward out cold.
Mark DuBois: Locomotive!!!! Ward’s lights are out!
Keith Suete: Cover by Flyer!
Zack Taylor: Your winner…. High Flyer!!!!!
Mark DuBois: I think the corpse may have just lasted longer than Evan Ward tonight.
Keith Seute: Why! Why do we need to keep bring that up. I’ve puked three times tonight.
Mark DuBois: Either way, High Flyer just made a statement heading into his LSD Title match at Rumble at the Rock.
Keith Suete: …and Evan Ward just made a stellar argument to be pulled from it…
Mark DuBois: Rumor is Mike Best is in the arena tonight… so he just might as he and Lee look to finalize that card.
Keith Suete: Well be back after another commercial while I go puke and we finally have Zion vs. Dane here on Chaos.
As we come back from commercial we see the next Hall of Fame duo Keith Suete and Mark DuBois ready to call the next matchup.
Keith Suete: Next up ladies and gentlemen is a grudge match, and I’m using that term loosely because these two individuals completely despise one another.
Mark DuBois: Keith, I haven’t seen this much hatred between two individuals since Adolph Hitler and the Reich when they took on Captain Aldo Raine and the Jews in the Ethnic Cleansing Match of 1945.
The lights in the arena turn off as the opening to “Bow Down” by I Prevail blares across the speakers. After a few seconds the name “Darin Zion” flashes across the screen. Zion walks down the entrance ramp wearing his leather hoodie.
Zack Taylor: Introducing first, weighing in at 240lbs, he hails from Chicago, Illinois, He is DARIN! ZIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keith Suete: Zion hasn’t been seen or heard from in a month. He’s taking a voluntary moment of silence to focus and reflect on the woes that has been bestowed on him as of late.
Mark DuBois: Does that including not fucking showering? Pee-yew!
Zion stares towards the ring and slowly raises his hands and lowers the hood covering his face to reveal his face which consists of blood shot eyes, an unkempt beard and greasy and oily black hair.
Mark DuBois: Darin Zion looking like Benny Newell went on a crack binge for a month.
Zion makes his way towards the ramp and doesn’t lose focus and he tunes the negative banter out before rolling into the ring and waiting for his opponent.
As Darin Zion’s music comes to an end the lights in the arena go out once more.
Mark DuBois: I haven’t seen this much darkness since Cain defeated Abel in the first ever Death Match.
“Binge and Purge” by Clutch immediately cuts on in the arena as a spotlight comes on with dozens of stars flashing through it with The ONLY Star standing inside of it as the fans boo. Dane shakes his head at the chorus of boos and simply holds the Tag championship high into the air for the haters to see his greatness before making his way down towards the ring.
Zack Taylor: and his opponent, coming to the ring from The Big Easy, and weighing in at 240 pounds….representing THE INUDSTRY…..HE IS ONE-HALF OF THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…….ERIC! DAAAAAAAAANNNNNNE!!!!
Dane slides into the ring and immediately storms over to Zion and shouts at his opponent while pointing at the Tag championship.
Keith Suete: Dane looking rather confident he better be careful or Zion could pull off the upset here tonight.
Mark DuBois: However, he’s in the ring with Jonny O’Dell here tonight Keith.
Rick Stevens goes over the rules with both individuals before signaling for the bell.
Keith Suete: And here we go.
Mark DuBois: Remind me to ask Mr. Best to talk to about new sanitation protocols because Zion smells like the inside of a diseased vagina mixed with puke, piss, poop, and rotten eggs.
Keith Suete: That’s pretty descriptive.
Mark DuBois: Well, all Canadian girls smell that way.
Zion and Dane come out of their respective corners and the ever cock Dane continues to jaw jack but Zion remains silent.
Keith Suete: The rivalry between these two men started when Zion knocked out Eric Dane of the World title tournament and has escalated since.
Mark DuBois: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Rivalry?!?!? If you want to call one sided ass whippings a rivalry than that’s what you call it, but Dane has owned Zion since and top it off when he crushed his skull in and took his tag title.
Keith Suete: True, but Zion hasn’t laid down when they faced one another.
Mark DuBois: No, but he’s always looking up at the lights when Dane got done with him.
Dane extends an open hand and motions for Zion to shake his hand.
Keith Suete: What is this? Sportsmanship from Dane?
Mark DuBois: Sure, he’s a swell guy.
Zion continues to stare straight at Dane, but The ONLY Star motions for Zion to take his hand and Zion looks down for a brief second and Dane launches a jumping knee at his opponent and like a Jedi feeling a disturbance in the Force side steps it and gets into a fighting stance.
Keith Suete: Dane with a jumping Starbreaker than narrowly missed Zion as he was pretending to shake his hand.
Mark DuBois: Zion should’ve known better.
Dane just laughs at Zion and shows how close he was to connecting an notching another Zion victory under his belt, but the nonchalantness of Dane gives Zion the opening he needs as he rushes quickly at The ONLY Star and delivers double knees to the chest of Dane.
Keith Suete: Oh my! Zion caught Dane by surprise with that attack!
The tag champion stumbles back into the corner and The Silent One rushes at Dane and delivers a crossbody block.
Keith Suete: Zion using his speed to his advantage as that crossbody knocked the wind out of Dane’s sails and now he’s ascending to the top.
Zion sits on the top turnbuckle and wraps his legs around the neck of Dane and dangles backwards.
Keith Suete: Figure four neck-lock by Zion.
Mark DuBois: Come on ref! Do your damn job!
Rick Stevens tells Zion to break the hold as he begins his count.
Zion lets go before the count of five and Dane is gasping for air.
Keith Suete: Zion was almost disqualified there. He needs to be careful.
Zion steps back into the ring and goes to pick up Dane, but The ONLY Star quickly rakes the eyes of Zion and delivers a massive headbutt to stagger his opponent back towards the corner.
Mark DuBois: Whoop his ass Seabass!
Eric Dane shakes the cobwebs out and cracks his neck as he pushes Zion back into the corner and lights up his chests with chops bringing a thunderous, “WHOOOOO!” from the crowd.
Mark DuBois: Even a sixteen time champion couldn’t do better chops than Eric Dane!
Each chop delivered sounds heavier and looks more brutal as Zion yells in pain. Dane delivers another massive chop against the welted pasty skin of Zion and this causes the skin to bubble and burst a small trickle of blood.
Mark DuBois: That’s it! It’s over! Dane drew first blood.
Keith Suete: This isn’t that kind of match Mark.
Mark DuBois: Dang it!
Dane goes for another chop but Zion ducks under and launches a spinning back fist that cracks Dane in the mouth as the The ONLY Star holds his jaw as he stumbles backwards. Dane adjusts his jaw before spitting out a blood filled loogie onto the floor causing Rick Stevens to pull out his purple latex gloves.
Keith Suete: Zion drawing blood as well.
Mark DuBois: He was lucky.
Dane like a bull seeing red after seeing his own blood rushes in at Zion, but The Silent One smacks Dane in the mouth with a boot before Zion grabs him. Zion goes to suplex Dane, but the tag champion doubles Zion over with a knee to the bread basket and slams his face into his knee brace with a face buster, and The ONLY Star doesn’t waste any momentum as he quickly grabs Zion and suplexes him into the corner.
Keith Suete: Dane with a vicious snap suplex into the corner.
Dane pulls Zion away from the ropes and goes into a cover as he drives his forearm into his face.
Zion is able to get the shoulder up.
Mark DuBois: Even my ass! That was THREE!
Dane shoots the official a look before putting Zion in a reverse chinlock to wear him down some. Rick Stevens asks Zion if he wants to quit but Zion shakes his head no.
Mark DuBois: That idiot still won’t talk.
Dane fish hooks the mouth as he pulls back causing Rick to warn Dane, but the tag champion responds with some colorful language for delivering vicious crossfaces to the sides of Zion’s face.
Keith Suete: I don’t know how many more of those crossfaces Zion can take.
Mark DuBois: If he can take fifty cocks to the face I’m sure he can take those crossfaces.
Dane delivers a sickening twelve to six elbow to the back of Zion’s neck as he backups a bit before delivering a running snapmare to Zion. Cover.
Before Zion can get to his feet Dane delivers a knee to the side of his head.
Zion with a foot on the rope at the last second and Dane yells out in frustration.
Keith Suete: Darin Zion continues to show his resilience, but how many more knees to the head can he survive.
Mark DuBois: Hard to damage a brain when they don’t have one.
Dane picks up Zion and places him between his legs and points towards the corner.
Keith Suete: Dane thinking Bucklebomb here?
Dane lifts Zion up and begins to run towards the corner, but Zion uses the momentum of Dane as he jerks backwards and sends them both spiraling over the top rope with a hurricanrana.
Mark DuBois: DQ! DQ! If this match was in Atlantic City that would be a disqualification!
Keith Suete: Who told you that?
Mark DuBois: Some ginger named C.J……B.J…..I can’t remember.
Rick Stevens sees both men laid out on the floor and begins his ten count.
Both men begin to stir.
Both men get to all fours.
Both men are to their feet.
Both rolled back into the ring before the count of ten.
Keith Suete: Zion and Dane both beat the count and a both trading right hands in the center of the ring.
Zion drills Dane and the crowd cheers. Dane strikes Zion and the crowd boos. Zion sends a near to the sternum of Dane causing the tag champion to double over and Zion slashes his throat looking to finish it with a spin kick.
Keith Suete: Flash Point coming up!
Zion goes for the kick but quickly falls to the ground holding his privates.
Mark DuBois: Dane channeling his inner Chong Li there Keith.
Rick Stevens didn’t see the low blow and The ONLY Star can do nothing but smile as he picks up Zion and drapes him across his shoulders.
Keith Suete: Not like this!
Mark DuBois: Star Destroyer coming up!
Eric Dane pushes him up and forward to drive Zion’s neck across his knee, but Zion ducks the knee as Eric Dane turns around and gets nailed with a kick…
Keith Suete: ZION JUST KICKED DANE IN THE NUTS!!!
Mark DuBois: DOWN GOES DANE!
Rick Stevens is in shock as Dane crumples to the mat in pain and Zion just stand there staring down at Dane.
DING DING DING
Stevens has no choice to call for the bell as he leans out of the ropes and stays something to Zack Taylor.
Zack Taylor: Your winner…. By Disqualification…. Eric Dane!!
Zion drops to the mat and rolls out of the ring as he walks backwards up the ramp just staring back at Eric Dane who still lays on the mat… nearly in tears after the ball blast by Zion.
Keith Suete: Just like he did to Brain Bare earlier this week, Zion cracks Dane square between the legs.
Mark DuBois: …and so Dane picks up the win… albeit with a… um…
Keith Suete: …an asterisk next to it?
Mark DuBois: Ya, an asterisk.
Keith Suete: Well at Alcatraz there will be no Disqualifications when Dane and Troy defend the Tag Team Titles against Zion and Hollywood.
Mark DuBois: Someone get Dane a cup for The Rock.
Keith Suete: Someone Amazon Prime that shit to him as he head backstage with Cassie Walsh.
Cut backstage to Cassie Walsh. She’s caught up with Halitosis as he headed towards the ring for the main event.
Cassie Walsh: I am with the High Octane Wrestling World Champion Halitosis. Any last thoughts about your match tonight with Dan Ryan and M.J. Flair?
Halitosis adjusts the #97 red HOW World Title slung over his shoulder.
Halitosis: No. I think I’ve said as much as I can say about Dan Ryan and M.J. Flair. Ryan and Flair are great wrestlers and I have a ton of respect for them.
Cassie Walsh: What about your match at Rumble at the Rock? Any thoughts on that?
Halitosis: Cassie, at Rumble at the Rock, Dan Ryan is going to do everything in his power to win the HOW World Title. I’m going to do everything in my power to prevent that from happening. And that’s really all there is to say.
Cassie Walsh: Okay-
But Halitosis isn’t done.
Halitosis: Cassie, from this point forward, my focus is going to be on being ready for a war with Dan Ryan and possibly Cecilworth Farthington at Rumble at the Rock. So, I’ve brought in a spokesperson to do my talking for me so I can concentrate on what I need to concentrate on.
Cassie becomes confused when a man joins them wearing a jacket with an insignia of a ‘garthok’ with ‘narfle the garthok’ on the front, clutching a bunch of rolled up plain white paper in his right hand, and sporting a pair of headphones like a football coach would wear on his head. In fact, his mannerisms may resemble a certain Midwestern college football coach (hint: University of Minnesota).
The headphone wearing other person grabs the microphone.
E.J. Flack: Ladies and gentlemen. My name is E.J. Flack and I am not here to change traditions – I am not here to pursue an agenda – I am here in HOW because it is a challenge and I eat challenges for breakfast. My job will be to get Halitosis ready for what will be his biggest challenge yet in HOW- facing Dan Ryan at Rumble at the Rock.
Cassie tries to wrestle the microphone back but fails while Halitosis simply stands there bemused by the whole thing.
E.J. Flack: Cassie, the harsh truth is sometimes in life, you have to take on something that’s bigger than you even if its huge tusks can shred you to teeny-tiny bits in mere seconds…even if its jagged teeth can tear through you like a hot knife through warm butter. Sometimes, you just have to…
Flack points to the Garthok insignia on his jacket.
E.J. Flack: …‘Narfle the Garthok!’
Cassie mouths ‘narfle the garthok?’ Halitosis just shrugs and smiles.
E.J. Flack: You see, a garthok runs into a fight, not away. A garthok eats difficult conversations, and people, like a fat guy chewing through a breakfast burrito at the local McDonald’s.
Flack puts his arm around Halitosis.
E.J. Flack: Halitosis will learn how to eat difficult situations. He will learn not to back down from seemingly impossible tasks. He will learn to find a way to out-care, out-give, and out-how everyone else. How will he do it?
Quick close up on Cassie Walsh. She has a slightly glazed expression etched on her face.
Cassie Walsh (unsure): Umm…row the boat?
E.J. Flack: No!
Flack whacks Walsh in the shoulder with his rolled up paper.
Cassie Walsh: OW! Hey!
She shoots Flack a dirty look.
E.J. Flack: An oar is nothing more than a mere snack for a Garthok. A Garthok uses an oar as a toothpick. And a boat becomes dilapidated in time.
Halitosis: And Western Michigan owns the trademark for ‘Row the Boat.’
E.J. Flack: Actually, no. They settled that a while ago.
Halitosis did not know that.
E.J. Flack: Halitosis will learn when you’re climbing life’s mountain and come up against insurmountable odds, you don’t row something, you…
Flack raises his arm and the HOW fans respond.
Crowd: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!
E.J. Flack: Thank you.
And with that, Flack departs with Halitosis right behind him.
Cassie Walsh: O-kay.
MAXXXXKAEL Jr. stands in the eMpire locker room alone as a large T.V. monitor is rolled into view by two staffers. The stern expression of the Chosen Worthiest regards both staffers the way one might imagine one dismisses an insect as they settle the monitor up before leave the room. Almost immediately the screen flickers to life as we see the bright and bubbly face of the Herald Sub-Marquis Bentley Tennyson Primrose-Farthington!
The Herald: It is I! The Herald of the Worthiest Chosen One MAXXXXKAEL Jr.! I hope you’re all sitting down.. Because I have… BIIIIIG NEWS! The greatest, most wonderful, most amazing News Ever! In fact.. You better sit down. I’ve give you a moment!
Bentley takes a moment to examine his nails before he does a strange little dance, his cape swishing back and forth as he does so. A few moments later he turns his eyes back toward the camera as he offers a slack jawed smile.
The Herald: Okay, plenty long enough!.. Now.. the Big News is…
However before he can finish a hand reaches out and grabs the Herald by the side of the head shoving him out of frame as the clean cut and smooth face of Maximillian Kael fills up the monitor, his singular blue eye burning with contempt as his lips are pursed into a foul looking frown. He glares into the camera for a few moments before his mouth opens, silver dagger like teeth glinting in the light.
Max Kael: If case anyone out there forgot who I was my name is MAXIMILLIAN WILHELM KAEL!
Over his shoulder the face of the Herald appears for a moment as he jumps up.
The Herald: FIRST OF HIS NAME, LONG MAY HE MAIM!
Max Kael: Yes.. yes. And I am here to officially announce that I am returning to the land of High Octane Wrestling at Rumble at the Rock! The Max Kael Presents the End of HOW World Tour Cruise is slowly coming to an end and yet.. And YET.. it still seems that this shitty death federation is not only still chugging along.. It’s still filled with the contemptuous lumps of worthless garbage I left it with!
Shaking his head Max takes a step back from the camera as it is revealed he is wearing a shirt with Kim Jong Un’s head and the words [Supreme Leader #1 Fan] written in Korean on it.
Max Kael: I tried to make this easy! I tried to make it fun! I thought after War Games, when Lee was banished and we left that cesspool of a state, Florida, High Octane Wrestling would slowly slip into a coma and die like any old dog that’s overstayed it’s Earthly life.. But NO. You all took this poor dog to the vet and pumped it full of pain killers and medications, not enough to save it’s life, just enough to prolong the suffering! LET. IT. DIE…
He snaps at the camera for a moment, spittle flickering out of his mouth and running down his chin, his blue eye widening with a glimmer of vindictive spite.
Max Kael: So I am here to officially announce my return. MAXXXXKAEL Jr., my Worthiest Chosen One, your work here is finished my friend. I hereby order you to relinquish your LSD Title Match at Rumble at the Rock to me, the true MAXIMILLIAN KAEL where I will go on to win the Literally Safest Division Title once again and harken the death of this dying Federation faster than a ripple travels across Robert Dean’s belly. The Max Kael Presents the Death of HOW World Tour Cruise ends at Alcatraz along with the reign of M.J.F. as LSD Champion.
MAXXXXKAEL Jr. seems to be taken completely off guard as he stares at the camera in disbelief, his stern expression cracked considerably.
Max Kael: Best Korea’s Favorite Son is coming home.. My name is MAXIMILLIAN KAEL..
The Prime Minister of Maxopotamia turns, storming off screen as the Herald jumps excitedly up and down, his bell bedazzled cape granted so many angel’s their wings.
The Herald: First of his Name, LONG MAY HE MAIM!
The camera feed on the monitor dies as MAXXXXKAEL Jr. is left staring at it, his face a mix of confusion and anger. Finally he simply run his hands over his face before he shakes his head, barging out of the locker room as he prepares to head to the ring for his match.
MAX KAEL RETURNS AT RATR9!
Mark DuBois: Four matches down, Keith, and one to go! This is the biggie!
Keith Suete: Absolutely, Mark. The only way this could be better is if the Champions were on one side and the challengers on the other; both Halitosis and MJ Flair are irredeemable kiss asses and I’d prefer cheering on one full team. Now I have to pay attention.
Mark DuBois: I’m sure your sacrifice will be a thing of legend.
CUE UP: “Zero” by The Smashing Pumpkins.
And just as suddenly, it stops. The fans, previously getting amped for the emergence of the Ego Buster, try to get a glimpse of the entrance.
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.”
And, for their patience, they boo.
Mark DuBois: What is this about?
Keith Suete: The Herald of MAXXXKAEL Junior has something important to say!
As the Herald steps out and stops at the top of the entrance ramp, he keeps his chin high in the air, ignoring the boos.
The Herald: I am Sub-Marquis Bentley Tennyson Farthington-Primrose, Herald of MAXXXKAEL Jr, Second of his name, Long May He Maim–
That’s got him a bit flustered.
The Herald: Your insolence will be remembered! I am here to inform you that THE WORTHIEST ONE… Does NOT enter second to anyone!
As “King Ghidora’s Terror” sounds out through the arena, Maxx Kael Jr enters like a conquering hero.
Mark DuBois: Quite a bit of arrogance out of the Kael camp tonight, Keith!
Keith Suete: Why not? He single handedly stopped the Industry’s momentum cold last week. Flair’s hardly a golden girl anymore.
Mark DuBois: …Evan Ward pinned Jack Harmen while Max was in another world on the floor.
Keith Suete: You don’t understand strategy.
Kael waits outside the ring while the Herald gets into more than one unnecessary argument with a fan, and “Zero” begins once more.
Mark DuBois: And that was a waste of time.
Keith Suete: How so?
Mark DuBois: Was it really worth calling all of the attention for a massive forty five seconds head start?
Keith Suete: Appearances are everything, Mark.
The Ego Buster enters the arena to a loud ovation – the fans appreciate both his long career of uncompromising ass kicking. If he appreciates them right on back he doesn’t show it as he’s laser focused on the ring.
Mark DuBois: Could we be looking at the next HOW World Champion?
Keith Suete: One in three chance.
Mark DuBois: Dan Ryan owns a victory over Halitosis, it’s certainly a very real possibility!
Keith Suete: Cecilworth Farthington owns a victory over Dan Ryan. What’s your point?
Mark DuBois: I admire your ability to get paid for this.
CUE UP: “Goodnight” by The Birthday Massacre.
Keith Suete: Speaking of ‘next Champion,’ MAXXXKAEL jr is clearly going to be the next LSD Champ. He owns a victory over Flair from last week, after all.
Mark DuBois: Neither Kael nor Flair were involved in the finish.
Keith Suete: Semantics.
Quite unlike both Dan Ryan and Max Kael Jr, MJ Flair enters the arena with deference to the fans, acknowledging their cheers and slapping some hands on the way to the ring. The LSD Championship is snugly strapped around her waist, and her focus is on the fans, not the ring.
It makes sense; Dan Ryan’s focus is on Max Kael, and Kael’s focus is on himself. The ring is just the canvas.
Mark DuBois: Besides, Flair eliminated Max Kael senior from War Games.
Keith Suete: But this is Max Kael Jr.
Mark DuBois: Everyone from Maxopotamia looks the same to me.
Keith Suete: Racist.
MJ slides under the bottom rope into the ring and locks eyes with the Herald. After several uncomfortable seconds he looks away and a smirk spreads across the LSD Champion’s face.
CUE UP: “Mas Tequila” – Sammy Hagar
E.J. Flack walks out first wearing a jacket with an insignia of a ‘garthok’ with ‘Narfle the Garthok’ on the front, clutching a bunch of rolled up plain white paper in his right hand, and sporting a pair of headphones like a football coach would wear on his head.
E.J. Flack: NARFLE THE GARTHOK!
Next, a lucha wrestler walks out on the ramp. He is dressed in all black with a giant ‘H’ on the front of his shirt and the HOW #97red World Title belt around his waist. He also has a strange greenish haze emitting from his mouth.
As Zack Taylor makes his announcement, Halitosis pumps his first in the air and then starts down the ramp towards the ring. He slap people’s hands along the way and then says hello to a young fan in the front row- the fan promptly collapses when he get a whiff of his breath.
Halitosis then moves on to the next one. He says hello. The fan gets a blast of his breath and falls to the ground.
He continues on to greet the fans along the way- oblivious to the carnage he leaves behind.
Halitosis reaches the ring area and continues to greet people around the front row. This time most of the fans back away out of a sense of self preservation, except for a group of thirteen fans right at ringside. They pull off their shirts to reveal plan black T-shirts underneath, each with a single letter printed on the front.
H A L I T O S I S C R E W
These well – prepared fans have topped their ensembles with gasmasks, and are ready and able to greet their Champion when he flies around the bend.
The HOW Champion climbs up on the ring apron and leaps over the top rope into the ring. Halitosis goes to shake the ring announcer’s hand but finds that he’s bolted to the other side to keep a safe distance away. Shrugging his shoulders, Halitosis looks out over the ropes and raises his arms in the air.
Mark DuBois: It looks like we’re ready to get this one underway as it’ll be Champion against Champion to start the night!
Keith Suete: Probably good strategy. Flair got the stank, she’ll be immune to Halitosis’ most well defined character trait.
Mark DuBois: There’s the bell, and it looks like we’re actually going to have both Champions start this one off! MJ Flair has spent her entire HOW career so far fighting against opponents larger than her; Halitosis only has about fifty pounds on her and she’s held her own against bigger men!
True to his word, Flair actually backs the World Champion into the corner! Referee Rick Stevens is on the spot to call for a break, and she slowly backs away – Kick to the midsection!
Keith Suete: All right, this is more interesting.
Flair with a cross corner whip as the referee reminds her what ‘break’ means, however as he does so, Dan Ryan with a fist to the top of Halitosis’ head! The impact causes Stevens to turn around and caution Ryan to return to his corner.
Keith Suete: Oh, come on! He was just making sure Hal’s mask was on!
Mark DuBois: Sure he was. MAX KAEL JUNIOR WITH A HANDFUL OF FLAIR’S HAIR!
Keith Suete: That’s what she gets for having it!
She was nearly out of reach, but as the referee moved towards Halitosis, Kael hopped to the bottom rope for extra reach, grabbed the tip of MJ’s ponytail and pulled her down and back to the mat.
Mark DuBois: Halitosis back to his feet, and he’s moving in on Flair! She landed flat on her back but I think she’s all right – she’s rolling through to her knees, at least.
Keith Suete: Just stay on her, Hal. Or tag in Maxx and let him do what he does best!
Mark DuBois: Be silent while Harold rants and raves?
Keith Suete: HIS NAME IS NOT HAROLD.
Halitosis does follow up; MJ’s back is to him and he uses the opportunity to scoop her in a belly to back suplex! He bridges it!
Mark DuBois: No, not yet! But it was worth a try on the World Champion’s part!
As Hal rises, he slides between the ropes and measures her, and a slingshot into an elbowdrop just as MJ gets to her knees! The point of his elbow connects with her cheek and she’s down again!
Keith Suete: KAEL WITH THE BLIND TAG! THOSE ARE THE SMARTS!
Just as Halitosis lands, he turns towards Kael with his arms out, as if to ask ‘What the hell, man?’ A quick replay shows Kael tagging Hal’s back just as he took flight, and Kael immediately takes over, mounting Flair and firing stiff forearms into her face!
Mark DuBois: C’mon, Stevens, do your job!
Keith Suete: He is, Mark! That’s a legal strike, ain’t nothing can be done.
Mark DuBois: It’s overkill, Keith. Either cover or move on!
Keith Suete: I can see why you’d never make it as a wrestler.
Kael does, however, back off and pull MJ to her knees, and he shoves her shoulder first into the ring post between the top and middle ropes! He moves to the opposite corner while Halitosis makes it clear to the referee that he’s not touching her.
Mark DuBois: KAEL WITH A SUDDEN SPRINT AND A RIGHT HAND TO DAN RYAN’S FACE! RYAN HITS THE RING!
Keith Suete: Genius!
Rick Stevens’ attention immediately shifts to the Ego Buster, holding him back from entering the ring. Kael moves in on Flair and takes an unsolicited shot, curbstomping her face into the turnbuckle! Halitosis gives him a bit of flack for taking such a liberty, but Kael shrugs his shoulders and tags out to his partner.
Showing perhaps more sympathy than his partner, Hal immediately covers.
Keith Suete: See, he needs to rake the eyes, breathe in her face, and hook the tights if he wants to get the quick pin.
Mark DuBois: Are you saying he can’t win without bending the rules?
Keith Suete: I’m saying there’s nothing wrong with a shortcut.
Hal scoops her again and picks her up for a quick slam! MJ hits the mat and rolls to her knees – even in pain she has the wherewithall to keep her shoulders up.
Mark DuBois: The LSD Champion in trouble, she needs to make a tag as quick as possible. Halitosis off the ropes, BASEMENT DROPKICK! Cover!
From the floor, E.J. Flack shouts at Halitosis to finish her off. Hal gives him a nod and pulls the LSD Champion to her feet. LETHAL BREATH OF DEATH! Flair stumbles backwards and falls to the mat again, choking for air. Halitosis moves in to the loud expanse of the fans – DROP TOE HOLD BY FLAIR! She lunges for the corner! TAG TO DAN RYAN!
Mark DuBois: The Ego Buster has been waiting for this! Clubbing forearm drops Halitosis back to the mat! Right hand! Another! Stevens gets in there to break it up, but Dan Ryan with the heel of his boot on the back of Hals’ head!
Keith Suete: Do your job, Stevens!
Mark DuBois: Pot, kettle black, huh?
Keith Suete: Don’t make it racial, Mark.
Dan Ryan pulls Halitosis to his feet by the neck and chokeslams his future opponent to the mat! Cover!
On the other side of the ropes, Max Kael Jr is shouting at Halitosis to get over to him to tag out, while MJ Flair has dropped to the floor, still coughing and retching at the smell of Hal’s breath. Dan Ryan kicks Halitosis in the head and double flips off Kael, who is smart enough to not enter the ring but he seethes.
Mark DuBois: Ryan not wasting any time, he’s showing Halitosis possibly what he’s in for at Rumble at the Rock, he’s got him set up for a humility bomb – MAX KAEL HITS THE RING! CLOTHESLINE DROPS RYAN TO THE MAT!
Keith Suete: See? He’s a better partner than Flair!
The referee immediately chases Kael out of the ring with the threat of a disqualification, but he’s gone in a flash, damage done! Ryan climbs to his feet and he moves in to the unaware Halitosis, who hits him with a surprise chinbreaker and dives for a tag!
Keith Suete: See? Kael is legal now, he was just way too excited about jumping the gun!
Halitosis is breathing heavy, but he remains on the ring apron, watching his partner drop his knees into Ryan’s back and pull back on his chin! Stevens is right there looking for a submission, but nothing! Ryan pushes back, getting his knees underneath him, and he rises with Kael on his back! Ryan falls backwards, sandwiching his opponent between his body and the canvas! Cover!
Ryan pulls Kael to his feet – LOW BLOW! The Ego Buster drops to his knees in pain as Stevens warns Kael about illegal hits, but the Second of his Name drives a stiff boot right into Dan Ryan’s face! Ryan falls backwards and Kael covers!
Just as quickly, Kael kips up and grabs Dan Ryan by the back of the neck. He poses for a moment in the middle of the ring – LOW BLOW BY DAN RYAN! COVER! The referee refuses to count as he saw this one!
Mark DuBois: Both Max Kael and Dan Ryan going to extreme lengths to get the advantage! They’re on wobbly legs, and Kael whips Ryan into the ropes!
BLIND TAG BY FLAIR! Backdrop by Max Kael! Ryan stops short and kicks him in the head! Kael staggers backwards! Blind tag by Halitosis!
Keith Suete: What the hell just happened here?
Mark DuBois: Max Kael and Dan Ryan continue to battle, but both MJ Flair and Halitosis have tagged themselves in! Clothesline by Kael puts Ryan over the top! Stevens insists on Kael leaving the ring, even as Flair and Hal lock up!
They lock up, but Flair has clearly taken more of a beating over the course of this match and Halitosis easily shifts his weight for an armdrag takedown. MAX KAEL WITH A SUICIDE DIVE! He takes Dan Ryan out on the outside of the ring!
Mark DuBois: Stevens wisely ignoring those two since they’re not the legal athletes, but Flair with a reversal! She flips Halitosis and locks his arm in a modified armlock submission, Halitosis gets his feet under him and pushes back! Flair’s shoulders are down!
Kickout! Flair lets go!
Keith Suete: Have to say, she really didn’t have a choice there.
Halitosis stays on her, and he pulls her up by the collar of her ‘HIGH OCTANE FLAIR’ T-shirt, and she turns her head just as she’s hit again with the Lethal Breath of Death!
Mark DuBois: Ryan and Max are both in a pile outside the ring, though there’s signs of life from both! I’m not sure how much of that breath Flair was hit with but Halitosis is in control! He’s got her set up for that dragon sleeper, and he’s-
CUE UP: “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” – Billy Ocean
Mark DuBois: THE ICON CHAMPION IS HERE! Cecilworth Farthington has entered the arena!
Keith Suete: But whose side is he on? He’s got one opponent in control in the ring and another in a pile on the outside! To say nothing of the fact that Flair continues to refer to him as ‘Fartypants.’
In fact, the sudden appearance of the HOW Icon Champion, Farthy Two Belts, is enough to distract Halitosis in the ring as he drops Flair from his grip and takes a step towards him. Farthington raises his arms in a bit of a challenge – FLAIR FROM BEHIND!
MORNINGSTAR! COVER! Kael is up!
He slides into the ring!
Max Kael with a double axe handle!
Keith Suete: She got it!
Mark DuBois: She didn’t!
DING DING DING!
Keith Suete: DAMN IT!
As the announcement is made, declaring Dan Ryan and MJ Flair the winners of the match, Cecilworth Farthington leaves the arena just as abruptly as he entered, clearly satisfied with causing some chaos.
Mark DuBois: Keith, in the time that MJ Flair has been in High Octane Wrestling, we’ve seen Halitosis, Max Kael, and John Sektor as the HOW World Champion, and she’s pinned two of the three while they were champions!
Keith Suete: Who cares.
E.J. Flack slides into the ring to check on Halitosis as the Herald of MAXXXKAEL jr does the same to threaten MJ Flair with a strike. Kael himself is up and is about to slide in, but he’s grabbed by Ryan who pulls him off the apron.
Flair kips up and she’s face to face with the Herald!
Keith Suete: Sub-Marquis Bentley Tennyson Farthington-Primrose is wisely taking a powder!
Mark DuBois: Yeah, old Harold is running away!
Keith Suete: I really don’t like you.
Mark DuBois: Dan Ryan has reentered the ring and he raises MJ Flair’s hand in victory as she’s given her LSD Championship Title back, and they nod their appreciation at Halitosis and make no attempt at a parting shot before he leaves. This was quite an exciting end to Chaos, Keith!
Keith Suete: Call it what you want. I call it the night we realized that Flair and Hal both have expiration dates on their championship runs. Hal just got pinned by a lesser champion and Flair proved to the world that the smartest strategy her opponents can make at Rumble at the Rock is to gang up on her to knock her out first. And I’m willing to bet MAXXXKAEL jr will lead the charge.
Mark DuBois: Your pessimism knows no bounds. For Keith Suete and the rest of High Octane Wrestling, this is Mark DuBois, and we’ll see you at Alcatraz!
A black backdrop, emblazoned with the official logo of High Octane Wrestling.
Professional lighting. A swathe of red carpet. A podium, with a carefully etched “1%” in 97red across the front, in an official seal. And in the middle of his all, his hair neatly coiffed and his beard newly trimmed, the Ultimate One Percenter himself stands with a hand resting on each side of the podium.
He looks Presidential, not that the term means much these days.
After a near two month absence, the crowned Prince of High Octane Wrestling has returned, just two weeks out of Rumble At The Rock. A Hawaiian shirt hangs loosely off his shoulders, unbuttoned all the way down, and if he’s even wearing pants at all, they aren’t visible from behind the podium.
Mike Best: My fellow Octanians, it is with a heavy heart that I come to you today to tell you that after nearly two months of silence, a powerful entity in High Octane Wrestling has final done what they thought had to be done. They have said that enough is enough. That I’m an absentee owner and that I am unsuited for management.
He looks down at notes that aren’t even there, glancing at a blank podium– he’s clearly been preparing for this speech for some unknown amount of time, AKA basically since Hurricane Dorian.
Mike Best: I am not an elected official. I cannot be impeached, and my majority shareholder status means that any regular vote to oust me would come up short. But there is one pitfall of the corporate machine that even I can’t avoid, and it is with that in mind that I speak to you today. So that I could tell you first. So that I could control the message. Ladies and gentlemen… fans, employees, and sponsors… a powerful entity has called a Vote of No Confidence against me as the majority shareholder of High Octane Wrestling.
He trails off for a moment, before looking up at the camera with the briefest hint of a smirk.
Mike Best: And that powerful entity… was me.
If this was a meeting filled with the press, this is where the ROBBLE ROBBLE of roused voices would probably rise up as people started yelling questions– at least they would, if the press gave any semblance of a fuck about pro wrestling. Stop putting TMZ into your fucking promos, dickheads, THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU.
Mike Best: It’s funny… when I was a kid, I always wanted to be a lawyer. I’d watch these dramas on TV, with these smarmy attorneys screaming “I OBJECT, YOUR HONOR!” and getting into this thrilling court precedings, and I’d think to my self “Man, that looks fucking awesome!” But do you know what a lawyer does in real life? They sit behind a fucking desk and they sign paperwork. They settle out of court, in a case between an old lady and a cat food company that started quietly using 1% less real tuna. A boring, mundane life with a suicide rate 3.6% higher than almost any other profession. It fucking sucks being a lawyer.
He shakes his head, grimacing like he’s just smelled a fart or been made a complete chump.
Mike Best: I thought this was gonna be awesome, man. I watched it on TV when I was a kid. I watched my Dad do it for nearly a decade– the boss man is the guy who walks down to the ring and FIRES YOUR ASS. He makes the big matches and the big signings. He makes no apologies, and he makes the rules– but do you know what you don’t get to see? You don’t get to see that 90% of my work day is filling out fucking paperwork. Negotiating with venues. Negotiating contracts, so we don’t lose another dickhead to the company run by Secret Vincent Langston, PHD. Apologizing to sponsors, because Eric Dane made a rape joke on Twitter. Having new nameplates made for a constantly revolving World Title because John Sektor is sponsored by Head and Shoulders.
He runs a hand through his hair, letting out an almost nervous snort.
Mike Best: This job fucking SUCKS, man. And I vote NO CONFIDENCE in my ability to keep doing it with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.
Michael leans over the podium, looking tired. For a man who has been persona non-grata for the last two months, you’d think he’d be a little more well-rested.
Mike Best: Used to be when somebody called me a cunt, I’d kick him in his fucking teeth. Now, I can’t put my hands on him or it’s battery. I can’t fire him, cause I’d have to pay out his fucking guarantee. I can’t go to war with him on Twitter, because then I’m burying my own talent. Used to be when I fucked Tara Davidson, the worst case scenario was a match against her husband and an ICON Title shot… now? I get fucking #MeToo’d. Can’t wrestle, or you’re a corrupt official. Can’t be part of the eMpire, because of THE PERCEPTION. It’s funny, because after all these years, I finally agree with Lee Best about one thing… running this company really is all about The Bottomline. And the bottom line for me is that I was never cut out to be management.
His speech grows in intensity, as two months of apathy wash off of him like the stink of losing a title match to a champion who had the audacity not to no show. He slams a fist on the podium, because you’re legally required to do that at least once if you have a podium in front of you.
Mike Best: I was born to be a professional wrestler, and I’m FUCKING GOOD AT IT. I went down to Key West a few months ago and I proved to myself that I’ve still got it. And fuck it, I’ll give all of this up right now…I have officially voted NO CONFIDENCE in MYSELF behind this podium, because where I belong is inside of a wrestling ring. I am announcing here tonight that my match with Christopher America will NOT by my last official match in HOW… it will be my FIRST official match back as a member of the active roster. I’m announcing here tonight that effective immediately, I am stepping down as the majority shareholder of High Octane Wrestling.
He pulls a piece of paper out from under the podium. If you have one of those fancy 4K televisions, you can probably see that it’s a fresh, shiny HOW contract that is signed with the Rising Son’s easy-to-recognize signature. The signature of management, however, doesn’t have Lee’s signature on it… it’s someone else’s…
Mike Best: I am announcing here tonight… that I am selling 49% of my stock to a man who I know will take the job seriously. To a man who has fucking earned it, and who doesn’t get the respect he truly deserves in HOW. To a man who I know loves his company as much as any Best, despite being… well… their mortal enemy.
He smiles now, the dickhead smirk of a man who knows he’s about to bring about total.. Well… chaos. From the shadows behind the black backdrop, a man steps out in a crisp black suit and a 97Red tie. It almost matches the tightly pulled ponytail… keeping his dreadlocks in place… but highlighting the bandages from his battle earlier in the night.
Mike Best: Please welcome the new 49% owner of High Octane Wrestling…. Scott Woodson.
Reaching out and shaking the hand of his fellow Hall of Famer, Woodson just smiles as he know the Twittersphere is just blowing up. Mike Best moves to the side and give the podium to Woodson who takes it all in for a second. He’s been Commissioner… he’s been General Manager… but now…. now he is part owner of High Octane Wrestling.
Scott Woodson: Thank you Mike… and I’ll keep it short for now. Cause we have just one important part of business to take care of before me and Lee meet to discuss the final Rumble at the Rock card. But at the last request of Mike Best… now that he is returning to wrestling in HOW… I am adding a name to the World Title match between Halitosis and Dan Ryan.
Woodson reaches out and pats Mike on the shoulder and smiles as they both nod their heads in agreement.
Scott Woodson: The Triple Threat Infirmary Match will now be Halitosis defending that HOW World Title against Dan Ryan…. and the HOW ICON Champion Cecilworth Farthington!
The two men laugh as they shake hands again as Chaos ends… and Chaos begins…
November 9th, 2019
Alcatraz Island, San Francisco, California
Infirmary Match for the World Championship
Halitosis© vs. Dan Ryan vs. Cecilworth Farthington
Solitary Confinement Match
Christopher America vs. Michael Lee Best
Prison Yard Match for the LSD Championship
MJ Flair© vs. High Flyer vs. Maximillian Kael vs. Evan Ward
Scottywood vs. Scott Stevens
Guard Tower Match for the Tag Team Championships
The Industry (Lindsay Troy & Eric Dane)© vs. The Order(Darin Zion & Brian Hollywood)