From the desk of HOW CEO Michael Lee Best:
Look, we’re still reeling in the aftermath of War Games, so I’m going to keep this pretty brief and I’m going to do it with as little emotion as possible. First thing’s first, I would be remiss if I did not offer my thoughts and prayers to the family of Evan Ward. I’ve had some wars with Evan in my day… we exchanged championships more than once, and the time he spent in Ground Zero was fundamental to the rise of the MACHINE Era of High Octane Wrestling. Evan was a world class talent, a solid dude, and the best good guy in the history of HOW. I’ll be straight with you, though… since Evan came back, he was kind of a prick. Like, all the time. He lashed out at his allies, he made a very dangerous bed, and at the end of the day? Well, I don’t want to be too dark about it, but like I said… thoughts and prayers to the Ward family at this time, along with a reminder that all talent waive their rights, and the rights of their next of kin, to take legal action for any injury (including death) that may occur during the confines of a wrestling match in HOW.
With that said, there are a few more hanging elephants in the room that need to be addressed, as the machine rolls on.
- Aceldama, you are fucking fired. Just gonna rip that bandaid off. You aren’t worth 750 words of me shredding your asshole like a salad chopper buttplug, so I’m just putting it out there plain and simple. I have retired you twice, along with that jabroni Sean Maguire as well, but this is the first time that I get to do it via paperwork. Shooby doo, that’s the bit, I have now retired Aceldama three times (plus Sean Maguire). TOODALOO MOTHERFUCKER.
- STRONK. You fucking did it, man. All the congratulations in the world to STRONK for making his new peak weight and capturing the HOW World Championship by winning War Games. You join a very short list of men and Bobbinette Carey to ever achieve that feat, and we are all very, very proud of you. From stronk to STRONK, the circle is complete. Christopher America… sorry man, that was my bad. You had a hell of a run as champion, the single greatest run that there has ever been, and I am sincerely proud of you, too. Jace? Get wrecked. Go eat some popcorn.
- Finally, the big one. With all due respect to Evan Ward, this is the one that hurts me the most. Effective as of 11:59PM tonight, everyone’s favorite fuck time in HOW, I will be officially stepping down as the CEO of High Octane Wrestling. A multitude of factors played into this decision, which was mine and mine alone, but most prominently it is my failure (and yes, I admit failure) to stop El Hombre Blanco from disrupting War Games. Not only did I not find the true identity of this maniac, but he managed to pin Jace Parker Davidson, absolutely humiliating him and ending the longest LSD Championship reign of all time. For that reason, I have no choice but to protect the interests of HOW by signing El Hombre Blanco to the full time roster– I have spared no expense in securing his talent contract, for the sanctity of our championship situation. You’re welcome. For my part, I will remain with HOW as a competitor and continue to wrestle HOFC matches at my goddamned leisure, while full time control of the company will be reverted to Lee Best.
It has been a pleasure serving you, ladies and gentlemen.
La máquina sigue rodando.