Good afternoon, folks. Hope everyone is having a day. Just a quick note from the new CEO, since I have been hearing a lot of yapping, whining and complaining from all sides about tonight’s Refueled main event, which is the HOW World Championship match between defending champion Conor Fuse and the challenger, Clay Byrd. Since there are some concerns that this is some conspiracy against Clay Byrd, or that Conor Fuse is somehow in league with The Board, I’m making some changes to the main event to ensure that everything goes smoothly out there.
- Absolutely no interference of any kind will be permitted. Anyone not involved in the main event will be barred from ringside, subject to immediate dismissal from their contracts. The ringside area will also be off limits, so we don’t have any of that “not touching, can’t get mad” bullshit, either. I repeat: NO ONE is permitted to interfere, even simply by hanging out at ringside, if they aren’t an official, sanctioned part of tonight’s main event.
- I am assigning my single most trusted referee to tonight’s main event, to ensure that things are called completely down the middle. Your acting official in tonight’s World Title match will be none other than Mr. HOFC himself, Rick Stevens.
- To ensure true equality in ring entrances, I am assigning a special ring announcer for tonight’s main event. Christopher America will introduce both competitors, and remain ringside in case any additional announcements are needed during the match.
- In case there are any disputes during the match that need the resolution of an authority figure, I am assigning HOW Commissioner Cecilworth Farthington to sit in as tonight’s special guest judge. I trust him to be unbiased in all matters relating to this HOW World Title match, as I know how much he respects the championship.
- This is HOW, and it is a savage land filled with loophole-loving barbarians. To ensure absolutely no interference in the main event, Jace Parker Davidson will serve as the special guest enforcer. Some of you don’t care enough about your jobs to be deterred by the risk of being fired, so Jace will be there to keep the peace.
- Since Benny Newell was savagely and horrifically attacked at March to Glory in his triumphant return to HOW, I (Michael Lee Best) will be sitting in on commentary along with Joe Hoffman both to honor our fallen Hall of Famer, and to personally ensure that this match goes off without a hitch.
Again, I cannot be clear enough. Anyone not on the above list who turns up ringside between the bells for tonight’s main event will immediately be terminated from their HOW contract, without exception. This is a HOW World Championship match, so let’s show some respect and keep it clean out there.